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/lit/ - Literature


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12512092 No.12512092 [Reply] [Original]

Word of advice: Its actually shit. Like real shit

I dont really know what whas I thinking when I came up with it. The only thing I remember is that I was laughing like a retard during the whole "writting process"


https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3334018/1/The-enviromentalists

>> No.12512500

>>12512092
7.5/10, where is the bike and the yeti but well written

>> No.12512694

Actually I was drunk af when I wrote this around 3 years ago. I present 2 ridiculous protagonists that eventually meet their "nemesis" in the forest. I tried to post it in other sites for critique, but I was "crucified" lmao. 4chan is the only place I can show this piece of fine literature. I enjoyed their salt tho.
Also fiy I decided to make this "horror" story to encourage a friend of mine who wanted to start writting horror fiction. Needless to say, he abandoned his dreams forever when I showed him my story. We had a good laugh at least

>> No.12512697

>>12512092
I didn't believe you, so I clicked. Then I promptly closed the tab.

>> No.12512713

>>12512697
You did a good job anon. Your retina remains unharmed

>> No.12512759

>>12512092
I cringed after reading the first few sentences and i clicked out of that shit

>> No.12512779

>>12512092
Could be a little more vulgar.

>> No.12512807

>>12512779
Yea it could be but I would say after having so much beer and some vodka it is a miracle that I actually put the words correctly to make coherent sense.

>> No.12512817

The prose could be better in some instances, but it also wouldn't hurt to make it more like a childrens book or hell, like a child wrote it, to create a bit of a contrast.
As stated before the vulgarity could be upped a tiny bit further, too; it's amusing as is but not quite over the top yet.

>> No.12512822

>>12512092
> written by panos1lol
γαμώ τη φυλή σου για Έλληνας μαλάkα

>> No.12512831

>>12512817
>both slipped their right hand into their pants and start jacking uncomfortably, said the mandatory "no homo" out loud, used their left hands to hold each other
Wouldn't that be kinda uncomfortable; they'd have to face into opposite directions, or one would have to awkwardly reach over his jacking hand.

>> No.12512832

>>12512817
So are you implying that this could be fixed to be a decent read? Lol even though I moved on, I could try and shape it up a little bit. Any suggestions?

>> No.12512846

>>12512822
Καkογραμμενα ελληνιkα παρμενα απο google μεταφραση, προσπαθησε ξανα φιλος :D

>> No.12512905

>>12512832
I just finished and yeah, it really wasn't that bad. A specific sense of humor might be required to enjoy it, but we're on 4chan.
I really can't suggest much more other than mixing infantile writing with some solid prose, maybe throw in some near-Tourettes outbursts.
Calling the nignog something else each time was a nice touch.

>> No.12512955

>>12512905
Yea I actually work on my prose, structure etc these days(but definetly not on that piece) and also trying to learn some line art so that I could broaden my array of options and being able to jump into comic making as well. True, other than techinal fixes and some proof reading, I dont think I could add something substantial in the "story" to make it more rich lmao

>> No.12512968

>>12512092
Lmao OP you are very creative with your descriptions of the old man and the negro. It reads like you are a foreigner. Something I've noticed is that foreigners sometimes use their limited knowledge in creative ways to make up for a smaller vocabulary. Although you seem to know a lot of English, especially slang. Are you Greek?

>> No.12512983

>>12512968
Yea. Born and raised Greek. Why, thanks mate for your kind words, I guess spending the majority of my day online rather than offline, sure had its merits. To be honest, english lang is easy to learn (albeit being faulty af), especially these days.

>> No.12512992

>>12512983
are you as creative in Greek as you are in English?

>> No.12513056

>>12512992
Since it's my native language, yes. It comes off more naturaly. When it comes to english skills, I think I'm on a better level than the average, english-speaking, greek individual but still, I have long way to go in order to be able to actually write publishable english literature. Thats why Im also trying to get into comic book creation as well. Less demanding writting, and more emphasis on the art and the core idea for the story.

>> No.12513072

>>12513056
Good luck anon, you are a funny fellow

>> No.12513097

>>12513072
Thanks bro. Good luck to you as well. :D

>> No.12513233

δεν kαταλαβα το τελος. τους γαμουσε ο μαυρος? ωραιο, θελω kι αλλες περιπετειες απ τους περιβαλλοντολογους.

>> No.12513280

>>12513233
Χαχα ναι. Υποτιθεται αυτοι οι 2 το παιζαν γαμιαδες kαι βαρβατα αρσενιkα παντου kαι στο τελος λουστιkαν αυτα που kοροιδευαν, δηλαδή εγιναν γkει για να επιβιωσουν kαι την εφαγαν απο πισω απο το πνευμα του αραπη. Μη το ψαχνεις kαι πολυ, ημουν ντιρλα οταν την εγραψα :D

>> No.12513314

>>12513280
ωραιος.θενkς kαι kαληνυχτα γτ δουλευω αυριο.

sorry for the greek lads, matters of high philosophy are better discused in their mother language

>> No.12513334

>>12513233
>>12513280
Is this larping language?

>>
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