Write What's On Your Mind

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Write What's On Your Mind Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:26:12 2018 No.12077913 [Reply] [Original]

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:27:28 2018 No.12077919 It's springtime here. I saw a foal yesterday out walking and it's muscularly feminine legs, cutely stumbling about, gave me a massive boner.

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:28:50 2018 No.12077927 It's springtime here. I saw a foal yesterday out walking and its muscularly feminine legs, cutely stumbling about, gave me a massive boner.

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:30:34 2018 No.12077936 >>12077913 It's springtime here. I saw a foal yesterday out walking and it's muscularly feminine legs, cutely stumbling about, gave me a massive boner.

Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:32:30 2018 No.12077945

Does anyone else find it dark that the rich commit suicide at higher rates? Do you think that celebrities like being famous? Have you ever seen a photo of a famous person sleeping and just known it was taken by someone close to them who they really trusted to be around them and they betrayed it for clout? I read Shirley Jackson's lottery in high school and I can't help but think of that whenever I turn on the tv and see famous people who've been told what angle to stand at and what clothes to wear and which cameraman is from the company that paid the most for this shot and think about all the people who sit here and watch this shit wishing it were them instead never really realizing that the dream they chase is a joke designed to sell hope as an opiate to the working class.

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:33:29 2018 No.12077949 File: 59 KB, 743x418, 1541875420960.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I indulged again and immediately it went away. When will the 'last time' mean something, and what obstacle is it - the one where I can finally be in stride?

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:33:32 2018 No.12077950 It's springtime here. I saw a foal yesterday out walking and it's muscularly feminine legs, cutely stumbling about, gave me a massive boner.

Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:33:49 2018 No.12077952

>>12077913
Lol. Actually I was just wondering why did Nietszche suffer a mental breakdown over a horse being beaten. So weird.
Also whats the book where theres a dream or something where a little boy witnessed some drunkards beating a horse or an ass to death for fun or something like that?

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:34:33 2018 No.12077955 >>12077949 >Last time, on 16 and pregnant

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:35:29 2018 No.12077960 >>12077955 change it to 12

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:35:54 2018 No.12077963 >>12077949 Did you seriously fucking masturbate? Retard.

Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:36:47 2018 No.12077968

I'm hoping to move to central Europe before race-wars hit the US and western Europe. Democracy is a bad because it divides a nation against itself and allows the government to be easily subverted by the banks and various other nefarious and occult groups. Ghosts are 100% real. In the end Hillary would have been much worse for America's poor. Neo-China world economic domination > GloboHomoZOG. Ultimately, God is the only thing that exists

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:43:27 2018 No.12077997 >>12077952 C&P

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:48:45 2018 No.12078015 >>12077927 Yeah yeah, And??

Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:48:48 2018 No.12078016
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>>12077949
Just don't give up, friend. I have faith in you. Recognize the events that led up to it and take measures to prevent the same occurrences. Alter your enviroment to prevent cues that led to this. Even go as far as ad blocking thumbnails on 4chan.

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:50:24 2018 No.12078023 File: 50 KB, 450x600, Typical_germanoid.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12077968 >>>/x/ >>>/pol/ Rotten bait anon 1488/10

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 20:57:50 2018 No.12078042 Ive been ignoring half of the reason to keep a journal. I havent been reading what ive written. Now i read and learned how bad ive been slacking. Really a good wake up call.

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 21:03:00 2018 No.12078056 >>12077968 based

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 21:11:36 2018 No.12078085 File: 485 KB, 600x1078, 1515416406584.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Cheers to the anon that helped me out with the function in the last thread

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 21:22:57 2018 No.12078122 >>12077913 Drowning in anxiety. Instinctual response is to drink until I can't think or to off myself. Probably everything will work out...not for the best, but at least in a way that will be manageable, but holy shit this interim period

Anonymous Tue Nov 13 21:35:26 2018 No.12078186

i'm a hypochondriac but im still so fucking scared about my health: the symptoms don't show but do I have Vitamin D poisoning? (I've been taking 5k IU for months) but just stopped. Do I have a heart condition? (It was reflux in the past but I still). I was prescribed minocycline for my acne and I took twice the recommended dose two days in a row cause I missed doses before that: I felt like I was going to die, I've stopped, did I OD? I still feel a little vertigo and gas and chest pain and a headache; is it intercranial hypertension (that's a rare side effect of the drug)? I'm so fucking nervous, but yet I was fine when I jacked off, I haven't died yet, I've gone to sleep and woken up the past days alive...

Jesus Christ I wish my mom was here to talk to. I need CBT for my hypochorondira but im afraid, in the back of my head, that maybe this time I fucking blew it: the minocycline OD (even tho the halflife is like 20 hours and I last took it 3 days ago): am I fucked? Am I going to die? Is my liver giving out? Do I have kidney failure? Jesus I can't focus, I have no one to talk to...the only thing I have is here, my breathing exercises, sometimes I feel I'm fucking holding on by a thread.

But there's real solutions: cut out more foods regarding heartburn, caffeine, coffee, schedule a dr. appointment for my concerns, get blood tested to hypercalcemia and vit. D, my vision isn't going....

help me /lit/, help me Jesus

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 21:53:03 2018 No.12078264 File: 500 KB, 600x600, 1516702763419.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12078186 I would go out for a pint with you, you seem like a ball of nerves and I'm the opposite and that usually helps

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 22:01:30 2018 No.12078294 Not sure if i'm fighting tarantulas, i am a tarantula, or both

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 22:02:50 2018 No.12078300 I love edgy indie pop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gy2bXyoDkGg

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 22:04:13 2018 No.12078306 >>12078300 How could I forgot the title track, silly me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AkXC5m8ueA

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 23:11:03 2018 No.12078612 >>12077913 We truly live in a clown world, what a sick,demented joke.

>>	Anonymous Tue Nov 13 23:26:04 2018 No.12078689 It's springtime here. I saw a foal yesterday out walking and its muscularly feminine legs, cutely stumbling about, gave me a massive boner.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 00:02:13 2018 No.12078882 i miss arcades: stumbling about in the dark, not sure of what all games they had, counting up the tickets in my hand,

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 00:11:34 2018 No.12078919 I'm starting to think that I might actually be mentally retarded to some degree.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 00:14:03 2018 No.12078928 >>12077913 I am so bored and the only thing I do is watch sissy hypno

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 00:52:43 2018 No.12079098

>>12077913
I got accepted into Santa Cruz a year ago and didn't go because I changed my major to Engineering. Been taking 1-2 classes a semester and have gotten caught up in working 30-40 hours a week as a server. I'm constantly surrounded by women with fat ass and always wanna fuck. My IQ was around 130 and has dropped significantly due to my brain going to my dick. I just wanna fuck around for a couple of years and have a shitload of sex/drugs. I was reading a shitload of Nietzsche and just recently bought Phenomenology of Spirit, Being and Time, and Revolt Against the Modern World. Half of me wants to fuck 24/7 and the other half wants to focus on my dreams and aspirations. Yeah I understand if I fuck around for a year or two I lose out on the time that could've been spent towards improving myself (it's not that I'm not improving myself already it's just that the process of doing so is slowed down if I decided to fuck around for a couple years).

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 00:56:54 2018 No.12079116

>>12078186
You don't need medication for acne. I used to have an insane pizza face in high school and then my skin cleared up. Wash and do not pick your face. Be patient and stop thinking about when your skin will get cleared up.

For the hypochorondira bullshit. Go to the doctor and quit fucking around. It takes 5 minutes to schedule an appointment.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:00:10 2018 No.12079125 >>12079116 you're such a fucking retard dont talk about things you dont understand

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:32:59 2018 No.12079266 >>12077913 Fucking SmackDown. Booking such an idiotic heel turn tonight like that. What the hell?

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:35:23 2018 No.12079276

Have you ever come upon an area of knowledge where it seems you're simply not cut out to learn it? I feel this way about all of physics. When I look at a problem worked out on the board, I have to manually parse each symbol and read each step multiple times before it just kind of makes sense, but as a whole I genuinely don't feel like I'm learning anything. Sure, I can plug in numbers to the kinematic equations and determine the final velocity of a ball launched horizontally off a roof, but do I really feel I understand what's happening? Not at all. It's completely abstract. Not in the sense that Math or Philosophy is abstract, because those are constantly engaged in a process of self-verification where each piece of knowledge connects smoothly with both the previous and the upcoming. In physics however it's like I'm being told "Just take my word for it" over and over, and if I get a little green mark on the problem then hooray I did it well. But to me, it's like I'm doing nothing. Like I'm simply not suited to learn it. And I enjoy both the humanities and Math quite a lot.

I'm sure that sounds a bit stupid. Oh well.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:35:41 2018 No.12079277 File: 596 KB, 762x565, 1542158180161.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >tfw it's after midnight and my sleep schedule is completely fucked >tfw I'm going to have a comfy night of reading Celine and The Neverending Story

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:38:28 2018 No.12079296 >>12079276 >I'm sure that sounds a bit stupid. Oh well. Nah, I know what you mean anon. I don't understand a single thing about maths or physics and I probably never will no matter how hard I try.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:41:49 2018 No.12079310 File: 33 KB, 584x413, bateman.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12079277 Same. But instead of reading I'll be shitposting until I'm tired enough to sleep. >also nice dubs

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:44:14 2018 No.12079319 >>12079276 Start from the very basics,voilà!

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:45:41 2018 No.12079323 >>12079319 I am. This is my second time taking Intro to Physics. I can solve the problems, but it's not sticking. I'm not learning anything.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:49:58 2018 No.12079336 >>12079323 Don't force yourself then, choose another thing to learn, something that actually interests you,then it will all go smoothly.Don't overthink too much bro.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:55:08 2018 No.12079354 >>12079336 I had to take it for my degree. After this semester hopefully I'll never touch the subject again.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 01:58:22 2018 No.12079362 >>12079125 You’re being an over-sensitive bitch. Man the fuck up and control things you’re able to control (like making an appointment to save your health).

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:09:54 2018 No.12079406
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I decided that having expectations is absolutely the worst thing for my mental health, and every time like clockwork when things dont work out I escape with thoughts of suicide and go full depression mode. If there are no expectations then the pressure is gone and I can just enjoy whatever it is I am doing, regardless of what happens.

I know I will never be financially, personally or mentally stable, at least not completely. Being homeless doesnt scare me as long as I have my kindle. Having friends is nice but people always come and go. I want to be lost and forgotten, its the ultimate /comfy/

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:13:51 2018 No.12079422

>>12079354
If you're young and like money I would recommend honing useful skills that you enjoy and then start a bussiness with that knowledge and experience.In ten or less years you could become really rich or atleast well off ,then sell everything and invest that money to retire early and enjoy life like an aristocrat.Fuck academia.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:25:04 2018 No.12079459 >>12077913 When I'm busy I'm anxious, when I have free time I feel angsty.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:25:55 2018 No.12079464
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>watch sad movie
>don't cry
>read sad book
>don't cry
>be super stressed
>don't cry
>rarely ever cry in general
>watch Korean competition show
>cry multiple times every epsiode
goddamn, I feel like a woman watching The Notebook. Fuck they're just all so nice to each other and there's so much sincerity, I cry like a baby

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:33:22 2018 No.12079490 >>12079464 >and there's so much sincerity It's nice that you have found an emotional outlet but reality television shows are often heavily scripted so I don't know what you mean by 'sincere'.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:40:00 2018 No.12079505 >>12079464 >Anything Korean >Sincere Nothing genuine comes out of Korea.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:41:09 2018 No.12079508 >>12079490 I mean the way they help each other in their teams and want everyone to do well, they don't shit talk each other behind their back and always support them when they cry

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:42:11 2018 No.12079512 >>12079505 To be fair it's the Japanese girls in the show who are the nicest

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:44:55 2018 No.12079517 >>12079508 >>12079512 It means nothing

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:49:04 2018 No.12079531 File: 27 KB, 300x250, RK8fw37R64-2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12079517

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:51:59 2018 No.12079542 >>12079531 It's all staged, you deluded cretin

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:55:49 2018 No.12079556 >>12079542 Let a man dream ,you cynical faggot

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:57:48 2018 No.12079561 >>12079542 So? Movies are all staged too and people still cry at those Eat my dick

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:58:16 2018 No.12079562 >>12079464 I cry all of the time. This is bad, yeah?

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 02:59:20 2018 No.12079564 >>12079556 Wathever you stupid cunt just don't claim those groomed circus monkeys are capable of being genuine

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:00:41 2018 No.12079567 >>12077913 why did he protect the horse? did he realize that being a heartless sociopath wasnt such a great idea?

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:01:57 2018 No.12079571 >>12079561 Movies fon't pretend to be authentic human interactions you idiotic cur.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:03:27 2018 No.12079578 >>12077952 Crime and Punishment

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:03:38 2018 No.12079579 File: 58 KB, 735x284, eva is pure.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12079564 Sit there and tell me who hurt you anon.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:05:59 2018 No.12079588 >>12079579 I can't stand those pissants

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:06:09 2018 No.12079589 >>12079571 Does it matter? If both their goals are to make you cry

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:06:14 2018 No.12079590 >>12078186 Smoke some weed anon

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:06:45 2018 No.12079592 >>12079567 >heartless sociopath Stab yourself in the eyes Steven Pinker

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:08:14 2018 No.12079596

God, I really do not acclimate to sudden changes very well. Almost lost my computer to some stupid bullshit (my own fault though), all my writing over the past year could've ust disappeared. Wasn't able to get everything under order and see if shit was okay for a day. It's funny, I got pretty used to the idea that my shit was likely gone for good but now that I've got it all back I feel more stressed somehow. Had to reinstall Windows and all that crap, bunch of files get jumbled around and some random old bits stop working. It's so annoying. Feels like the happiness I got for knowing my stuff was safe and secure was nowhere the same amount of stress I got from the whole thing. I just feel out of it, like my schedule has suddenly been thrown out of whack even though in the end it's like nothing happened.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:10:26 2018 No.12079599 I love you!

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:11:36 2018 No.12079600 >>12079589 If there's anything that should make you cry from Korea is the condition of their Idols

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:12:21 2018 No.12079602 >>12079588 Chill It's all going downhill So do whatever you will >See? Iit rhymes.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:20:52 2018 No.12079616 We're just tentacles of the floor.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 03:34:08 2018 No.12079652
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I watched that documentary about homelessness in LA and broke down crying all night, running around my house screaming into my pillow. I sat on the porch for a bit screaming. I was only in my underwear so it quickly got too cold so I went inside and collapsed on the living room floor for a while screaming. I went upstairs where Mom sleeps when she comes to visit and stayed there over the covers for a bit screaming. Then I went back to my room and fell asleep just as the morning came.
The host she was just so sweet and sort of naivish, as if she hadn't given up on helping the world or having sincere, good relationships. Everyone she talked to seemed so beautiful, even when they hid behind some sort of facade like the van guy. When I used to visit some friends on the Mesa, the people out there, they were just like some of the Slab City people. Good, unfortunate people that just want a little piece of land for themselves, but are too impatient to slave away for 20 years dreaming. It's all so achingly beautiful and I'm just so afraid and helpless. God fuck.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 04:54:01 2018 No.12079821 I am forever destined to be part of the untermensch in human society for reasons (mostly genetic) beyond my control. I've been trying to fight this blackpill for some time but it's probably just easier to swallow.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 05:01:43 2018 No.12079832 >>12077913 I like animals, especially horses, dogs and whales

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 07:47:09 2018 No.12080157 File: 361 KB, 2400x1596, american_lobster__homarus_americanus_in_newfoundland__canada__20996211958_.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12079832 I like crustaceans. They're pretty neat. They're like alien tanks who live in the oceans.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 07:50:45 2018 No.12080163 >>12080157 Sea animals are so fucking disgustingly creepy. Have you seen horseshoe crabs? These things make my fucking skin crawl.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 07:56:24 2018 No.12080174 File: 170 KB, 1597x1065, sfw_apa_2013_29412_234505_scottmacdiarmid_golden_eagle_kk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12080157 Raptors do it for me

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 08:37:20 2018 No.12080268 File: 271 KB, 1470x849, 12269d988159abf2968c368dc55d853c.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12080163 >Sea animals are so fucking disgustingly creepy. Crabs are cute. CUTE.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 08:49:48 2018 No.12080305

>>12077945
First of all that isn't true.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5463019/

>We found that the hazard ratios of suicide showed an increasing trend as socioeconomic position decreased.

The poor kill themselves more often. But to address your question, the rich and powerful sometimes kill themselves because they have reached a high status of achievement, perhaps the highest they can go, and still find themselves unhappy.

We tell ourselves that material success will bring us joy and when it doesn't we are left without room to run. Without anything to strive for successful people often feel that their achievements are empty.

Celebrities, actors, and others who live in the public eye feel it more acutely than others. Their careers feed on the fickle attentions of the plebiscite. If the public tastes have changed, they become washed up. Look at all the child actors who grow up into dysfunctional adults. Once they were no longer cute kids, the public had no use for them and acting, it seems, isn't the best training for the "real world" of indifference and common neglect. Whereas once your needs were on everyone's mind, now you're just another anonymous passer by no-face.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 08:51:11 2018 No.12080311 >>12080305 Trump will be in a bad way once his presidential term is over.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 08:57:07 2018 No.12080328 >>12080311 Why? A third of the country adores him and he could easily transition into a role where he sits on TV all day and claims to be the legitimate president

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:05:00 2018 No.12080346 >>12080268 And very tasty

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:08:02 2018 No.12080356 >>12080328 It was a joke. Just the thought of Trump moping around in a hoodie on the subway has me laffin

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:09:46 2018 No.12080360 >tfw my autistic study interests happen to coincide with one of the largest and wealthiest industries in the world >tfw research this shit for fun >tfw what I do in my free time directly boosts my professional life >tfw autism is for winners

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:18:34 2018 No.12080382 I hate church because it's a Hollywood production now and think the common Christian are morons who don't examine their faiths beyond a surface level. However I need to find a virtuous Christian QT to incubate my descendants.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:20:38 2018 No.12080389 >>12080360 What do you do?

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:22:31 2018 No.12080396 File: 6 KB, 205x246, 1516131470720.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12080389 Computer shit

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:25:49 2018 No.12080407
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>>12077913
I'm bringing flowers and a few of her favorite things on Friday and I'm going to see her. She's the best thing I've ever had, and even though I fucked up, maybe if she knows how I feel she'll forgive the lies and bullshit. I love her so much, and I was always too caught up in my own shit to let her really feel that, to let her know that it's not cold compulsion to stave off loneliness driving me, the way she always feared. I know she still feels something for me. I hope it's not too late.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:29:19 2018 No.12080420 I got played off and an unemployed for the next 3-4 months. I want to try writing, not as a career but just for something to do while I'm off work. Should I attempt to write a large story or stick to short stories/essays?

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:43:30 2018 No.12080464 >>12080396 I wish I were an NPC computer drone, life must be really comfy.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 09:49:32 2018 No.12080477 >>12080163 delete this sea creatures are cool

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 10:13:04 2018 No.12080544
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>>12080464
You know, it's weird. I have a side of my brain that can just drift of into it for hours on end. Call it the left brain if you will.

And once I'm done with it, boy i'm done with it. And then it's off the clock for weeks at a time where I'm just drinking or doing whatever the fuck I want.

But if I need work, I can find it, almost anywhere. And while there are a ton of people doing this who are way better than me, there a ton of people who couldn't do a tenth of or even a hundredth of what I can do.

Could I see myself doing other things? I could see myself in alternative scenarios having nothing to do with tech, mostly writing or something more physical. But working in software has afforded me the opportunity to do that as much as I wish so long as I allot some space for it.

You have reached the end of my career blog. The EOF if you will. Remember to indent one space before saving the file! ;^O

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 10:27:01 2018 No.12080584

>>12080464
>>12080544
>tfw really good with programming and networks and all that shit
>super easy career ahead of me
>tfw hate it with an indescribable passion
Once you realize that 99% of dev work is either useless or actively harmful to society you can't look back. Fuck me.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 10:35:58 2018 No.12080611

>>12080420
You should start, end of story.

Funny enough, i write as a hobby but i can't write while off work. Last year, started practicing my writing at 7:30am, just when i start work, and stop when the first person other than me arrives at the office... which was normally 8:00~8:10 am.
Wrote 200 pages of short stories that i decided to make a book out of that.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 10:40:42 2018 No.12080626 >>12080584 I am having same kinda feelings..

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 10:45:14 2018 No.12080643 File: 47 KB, 500x500, 1542080374.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I hate atheists so fucking much, fucking imbeciles. >SCIENCE GOOD SKY MAN BAD > EPISTEMOL-WHAT? >I AM SO SMART I'm not even a theist but they make me want to become one

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 10:48:48 2018 No.12080649 >>12077968 >Ghosts are 100% real And 99% harmless

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 10:51:34 2018 No.12080653

I need to do LSD again, macrodose - it's the only way I've found to keep my schizophrenia under control on saturday I'll hear her screaming my name again for hours, I'll see her blood stained arm and only then will I be able to go before it to the point in which I was still human, bad trips are the only thing that make me stable

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 11:02:35 2018 No.12080684

>>12080584
It is truly desolating that all the hours you put into something can just be rendered obsolete or sink into obscurity so easily, or yes... is actually bad, as a lot of tech is.

I feel like I could be a decent dev but I missed so many opportunities to really hop on and learn... and I am a way better writer than I will ever be a programmer.

Just afraid that I would not be able to make a living as a writer, or not without becoming a whore.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 11:52:16 2018 No.12080852 >>12080684 >good writer >can program Do you mind writing incest, furry or cuckolding? If not to any, you might just make it in the western porn games industry.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 13:11:51 2018 No.12081136 File: 21 KB, 493x365, DmOCtXZWsAAkgLP.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I got fat I need to be skinny again I was once an athlete Really feel like dog shit

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 13:17:32 2018 No.12081155 >>12077913 My mood swings dramatically all the time. I'll go from amazing highs to very depressive lows. Anxiety is as bad as ever, fuck do I ever need a sunlamp

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 14:13:19 2018 No.12081359
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I am growing more resentful each day. I kind of want to have beautiful women, just for the sake of knowing that I can attract one. I don't want a girlfriend, I wouldn't even know what I would do with her or what I need her for. I don't really have a wish or desire, so I don't do anything. Except for of huge need of approval, despite that I am quite reclusive. I think that I am a hypocrite, and maybe a narcissist.

I don't know what to do.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 14:29:28 2018 No.12081428
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>>12077913
I got into a fight with some black dude over a cigarette, and was called a coward for trying to get away, how pathetic is that ?

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 14:33:06 2018 No.12081435
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I think she was eating the nachos while cross legged, which would expose her snizz to bombardment by dripping nacho cheese, anything with fluid properties, really. Said substances would fall atop her Semitically fuzzy pubic bone, and quickly dribble onto her beef flesh, that in the cross-legged position, would be jutting out a bit from the weight of Lena pushing down upon her vulva, making the bologna flaps of her beef muffin seem to puff out and in so doing balloon their surface area. Directly below the point where nacho chips disappear into her maw, Lena's roastie is ideally placed for a direct dolloping of cheese, salsa, sour cream and any other dressing or condiment that may spill out of her hands.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 14:38:12 2018 No.12081459
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I'm taking a light course-load this semester but even with it I'm hardly living up to what I want to be. Up until Monday I'd be drinking every day since September. The only reason I stopped this past week, was since I'd started to become more depressed and less alleviated when I drank.
I wish I could say I miss my childhood, but I had horrid acne and no close friends, so that's a pass.
>>12079125
Also I agree, that anon is fucking stupid, I took Acutane and it practically saved my life; sure my lips still get chapped to all hell, but I'd rather that then feeling as if I look grotesque on a daily basis. It's 100% worth it.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 14:51:54 2018 No.12081492

>>12078186

>For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
>Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 14:52:58 2018 No.12081498 File: 15 KB, 300x250, zP51KF3zEs-8.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12081435

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 14:57:30 2018 No.12081516 >>12081435 Please at least delete the image.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:04:13 2018 No.12081543 Today I asked myself if I'd rather eat a baby or rape it. I reasoned that since I prefer eating cows over raping them then the same would apply to babies.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:04:37 2018 No.12081545 >>12081435 I don't understand this post but seeing the reactions to it I won't ask for further explanations"

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:09:39 2018 No.12081571 >>12081359 tinder

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:37:00 2018 No.12081705 >>12081571 Already tried that, but I am banned because I catfished too much.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:38:22 2018 No.12081709 File: 22 KB, 530x530, 1509596487887.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12081155 >>12080653 Both of yous need a shrink and some therapy Not even joking Make an appointment and get 'er done

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:39:36 2018 No.12081719 >>12081709 >mk ultra victims need more mk ultra fucking hate this meme

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:40:59 2018 No.12081722 File: 82 KB, 736x1104, 1507596014355.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12081435 I would unironically date Lena Dunham. I find her figure really attractive and she's pretty funny

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:41:21 2018 No.12081724
File: 55 KB, 512x480, when the memes are plus on block.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

The virgin Chess:

>rote memorization
>monoparameteric
>mandatory anality
>turn based
>finite plane binarily divided irrespective of pieces and players' will
>glacial turgid strategies emergent from pedestrian parts
>mutually reactive
>progressively eliminative

The Chad Tekken 3:

>no metagame
>rhizomatic
>libertarian anality
>real time
>infinite plane spectrally divided BY moves and players' will
>dialectical kaleidoscopic strategies emergent from baroque parts
>bilaterally solipsistic
>fundamentally generative

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:43:49 2018 No.12081730

>>12078016
I'm certainly quite ignorant in sexuality, but why do you think there is something inherently bad in masturbation? I think you have some problem with your sexuality (like me, I confess), and that's why you associate masturbation with pain or suffering of any kind.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:44:23 2018 No.12081732 >>12079571 Kek this. It's darkly ironic that he attempts to equivocate two fundamentally different presentations: art and 'reality'. Korean celebrities have no souls.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:44:43 2018 No.12081736 >>12081724 Based and redpilled

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:52:50 2018 No.12081770 >>12077968 do you seriously think Central Europe would be spared in any kind of war? As soon as things start tumbling down in western europe, central europe will go down the shitter as well because it’s too incoherent as a whole.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 15:57:20 2018 No.12081788
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The roastie meme kinda killed roast beef sandwiches for me. Roast beef is king of the deli meats. A cheesy mayoey lettucy mustardy oniony roast beef sandwich is perfection. It practically makes me want to jizz how good it is. Ruined.

This is why sexism is bad

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 16:18:59 2018 No.12081890 I have come to realize that this website is bad for me. 4chan it is time to leave. I suppose this is a goodbye letter.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 16:21:53 2018 No.12081902 >>12081890 See you again next week ~

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 16:22:32 2018 No.12081907 >>12081890 see ya tomorrow

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 16:24:33 2018 No.12081916 >>12081890 I hope you don't come back (meant in a nice way)

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 16:29:15 2018 No.12081937 >>12081788 >he doesn't like eating pussy

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 17:31:52 2018 No.12082325
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>>12081730
>something inherently bad in masturbation?
All sexual losses drain motivation and put an end to productive states of mind. The will becomes irritable and begins to follow another master than reason, the alluring and more easily attained mistress of pleasure. Yet, she satisfies for a moment, only to return anew as soon as a half hour later. Most people have never tasted the sweet freedom of chastity (practiced mentally and physically), and their utmost goal and thought at all times is their next sexual release. They are such slaves to themselves, they view the goal as impossible, or self-defeating. The truth is, the sex drive abates and urges all virtually cease. The mind is renewed and circulates with higher thoughts arising from the prefrontal cortex. The attainment of lasting joy from accomplishing grand tasks or reading a book, or even taking in the simplicities in life such as a walk in nature, far, far, far, exceed the ephemeral concentrated pleasure of sexual action that ends the moment it starts. Indeed, the effects of sexual abstinence are better than that of stimulant drugs, leading to a perfect contentment.
> I think you have some problem with your sexuality (like me, I confess), and that's why you associate masturbation with pain or suffering of any kind.
No.
I am attracted to women and thankfully, never developed any fetishes. However, past girlfriends, the names of actresses, the exaggerated sexual features, and similar scenarios to pornography scenes, to even the titles of pornographic videos remain imprinted, for life. My bouts of abstinence in the past were done as needed; e.g. during intensive studying, in preparation of an interview, etc. However, as I aged, this ability to just stop, became difficult. Worse, my sexual frequency and urges had increased considerably (evidence that the sexual drive isn't some mysterious force but rather, in part, subject to behavioral ques and habit), and that even if satisfied left me incredibly drained and without even the motivation to read a book, let alone embark on the incredible dreams that I have. Yes, I could function and work just fine but the drive, zeal, and pure unadulterated motivation were gone. Indeed, doing it ad libitum, contrary to conventional wisdom, failed to quench and instead served only to fuel this concupiscence; fool that I was, high resolution 2160p, content poisoned my subconscious, and quitting from that hole was more difficult than any other period in my entire life. The pain is existential, and began only after coming to the conclusion that the sexual and intellectual are opposed to one another—the true guilt and agony laid in wrestling with the questions plaguing me concerning agency and free will when I would regress into the habit; often whereupon, I would resolve time and again, to moderate the frequency (say only once per day at night) or limit any further consumption, only to be discarded even as short as a few hours after the resolution.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:02:28 2018 No.12082541
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>>12082325
I understand what you're trying to say, but (and this is only a theory that serves to explain my personal situation too) don't you think you're trying to conform to some idealized image about what being a human, and specifically a human male, is?

Is like you (or me, whatever) are trying to cope with the inmense pressure of being whatever humans in the past were, and since they are all idealized heterosexual men and women, you can't be like them if it isn't by the means of exerting a great control over your sexual appetites or plainly quitting all kind of sexual activity that is not conventionally acceptable (like watching porn and masturbating).

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:15:36 2018 No.12082627 big tiddies lmao

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:17:27 2018 No.12082637 >>12079098 You're saying "fuck" a lot, but you don't sound like you've fucked any of those fat assed waitresses. Just do it and keep reading you dumbass

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:20:44 2018 No.12082649 >>12081788 thats a sexy sandwich i wanna eat it haha

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:22:47 2018 No.12082653 >>12082541 Freud was a hack and I dare any of you to prove me wrong.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:25:24 2018 No.12082661 Smiling is a sign of weakness and submission.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:26:13 2018 No.12082666

>>12077913
It’s never when your alone you feel the most lonely. It’s when your around others. And you have your whole private library of thoughts, some even relating to them but you can’t say any of it. And you suddenly realize how distant they are from you. Despite the hours you spent contemplating how them

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:27:41 2018 No.12082677

Plato's theory of forms reminds me of object oriented programming. The forms are interfaces under which you can put "objects" that all have something in common with the highest abstraction in the inheritance. Using the same structure for AI and creating rounded AI personalities sounds like an interesting idea, I'm pretty sure that's already being done.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:31:03 2018 No.12082695 I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing in life, but everyone around me keeps telling me I'm doing great and everything I do is fantastic. How this is possible confuses me, and makes me start to suspect they're all lying for some reason.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:31:40 2018 No.12082697

I wrote my first attempt at a story. I’m happy with the characters and the overall direction of the plot. But the writing itself is really weak. What do I do with this thing? Rewrite bits and pieces of the story I already have? Rewrite the whole thing using what I have now as a roadmap?

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:33:29 2018 No.12082703 >>12082695 stupid ass

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:39:09 2018 No.12082725 I am getting stressed over not progressing fast enough on my learning of Latin. I've struggled for two damn days translating three fucking phrases of Cicero. Being this much of a brainlet me want to slash my fucking wrists.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:41:49 2018 No.12082734

>>12082697
Edit it once, edit it twice, edit it as many times as is takes till your story is refined enough for your taste. Don't be afraid of rereading it and putting your work through a rigorous trial until it stands on its own under your judging gaze. Editing is at times more than half of the work involved in any story.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:42:04 2018 No.12082736 >>12082661 dumb /pol/tard reducing every aspect of life to some retarded display of dominance

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:43:05 2018 No.12082741 >>12082734 different guy but my second draft usually replaces half the content of the first. gotta edit

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:45:53 2018 No.12082750

I'm really lonely. For the past two months I had about 3 social interactions. I've lost the ability to enjoy music. A decade of exploring obscure genres and a few days ago I put an album on and I didn't hear melodies, just a bunch of instruments in disarray making my ears bleed. That was the last thing I enjoyed. I can feel the rope tightening. It's been 8 years ago that I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and schizoid pd. No meds or therapy. Started Tolstoy's Confession the other day and it's good so there's that.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:46:25 2018 No.12082752

>>12082697
Is it your first attempt at any story, or at this particularly one? If first, leave it, write some other stuff, come back after a few weeks or months. If second, well, still let it rest for a bit, maybe read something that goes in the direction you plan to take the writing style, then come back.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 18:53:56 2018 No.12082774 >>12077913 I don't want to write a story in 500 words. I don't like stories this short and can't write them because I don't 'get' them. This isn't my interest/forte at all. Please make it stop.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:17:08 2018 No.12082882 >>12080157 based lobsterposter

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:21:48 2018 No.12082904

i watched a speedrun of Earthbound today and broke down into tears during the fight with Giygas when Paula starts praying and it shows the montage of all the npcs in Earthbound praying for the main characters and i feel like a retard for it idk why that gets me every time, especially considering it was a speedrun and the guy was commentating over it the entire time

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:34:39 2018 No.12082954 File: 462 KB, 480x360, QgNqf_3JX67lMNpn9P7i5vJlQ5Q=.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12080163 frig off

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:43:25 2018 No.12082993 >>12082904 whenever i read a post about an anon crying i want to cuddle him until he is feeling better is there something wrong with me

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:46:05 2018 No.12083001 >>12082993 You should leave this place before its too late

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:50:16 2018 No.12083012 >>12082993 femoid post

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:52:20 2018 No.12083024 >>12083012 I wanted to find the origin of the word "femoid" and amusingly discovered that your guys' autism has made wikitionary >https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/femoid >>(incel slang, derogatory) A female

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:53:29 2018 No.12083030 >>12080643 You described reddit atheists. Most atheists aren’t retarded and don’t praise l’homme noir de science.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:57:44 2018 No.12083049 >>12083024 shut up bitch

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 19:59:29 2018 No.12083057 >>12083049 Why not just call them females, why this new word?

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 20:01:53 2018 No.12083066 >>12083057 get back in the kitchen

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 20:02:33 2018 No.12083068 >>12083057 It's funny. Just let the retards be funny once in a while, it's all they're good for.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 20:08:06 2018 No.12083085 >>12083057 >new word bitch ass nigga baka

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 20:12:23 2018 No.12083106 >>12081724 Tekken 3 is the official /lit/ fighting game

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 21:21:01 2018 No.12083415 >>12083106 virtua fighter 4: evolution

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 21:28:49 2018 No.12083443
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I added some fiber powder to the water I was drinking (it helps with dieting) and a glob of the powder agglomerated into one, perfectly shaped gyzym. That got me thinking about cum.

Cum is strange if you stop to think about it. Every time you nut you unleash a horde of squiggly little boys each yearning to find a nice egg to bury itself into. Each sperm acts like a horny little fucker the way he squiggles and wiggles around in the seminal fluid searching for that sweet, sweet egg to sink into.

Now I'm noticing that the powder did not dissolve in my water. Instead, it has gathered along the bottom and looks like one big thick cumshot. I'm staring at my water and all this thinking about cum has made me wonder if I should drink it since I'll be thinking of cumwater the whole time.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 21:30:34 2018 No.12083450
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>>12077913
I can stop thinking about work. I've been a middle school teacher since august and instead of my mind wandering to new ideas I find myself thinking about how I'm going to resolve some kid's behavioral issues or how I'm going to BS the week's lesson plans into existence because the only resources I've been given has been state test prep workbooks. I'll walk through my apartment door at the end of the day and strip out of my dress shirt and think to myself "Was that really me that's been teaching these kids for the past three months?"

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 22:00:08 2018 No.12083550 >>12077913 So this is the effects of acute psychosis. Shit.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 22:13:17 2018 No.12083597

>>12081709
Saw a therapist for 2 years
didn't do shit, also was on medication for 2ish years and it didn't do shit. The only way my life could be "happy" is if I had a decent job (pays enough that I don't have to worry about bills), A good group of friends that I can trust and spend time with, a gf who is marriage material and a functional cure for my chronical aliments.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 22:13:24 2018 No.12083598 It's springtime here. I saw a foal yesterday out walking and its muscularly feminine legs, cutely stumbling about, gave me a massive boner.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:05:53 2018 No.12083800

>>12080174
When I was out living on the Navajo Reservation this past summer I saw a Golden Eagle with a 7 foot wingspan divebomb a prairie dog. The bird descended on it, falling like a silent mortar shell. All the other rodents scurried away into their holes, just screaming in terror. The eagle landed in a poof of dust, promptly righting itself as the unlucky animal flailed and screamed. One of the eagle's talons had impaled its stomach, and once the bird was upright again it just cocked its head and began dismantling the wailing thing.

When you see the prairie dogs out and about, they hear something unknown and the first thing they do is look up in the sky, fearing, waiting. That is their place in the world. The eagle? He just eats and rests. Nothing in the natural order can harm him.

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:09:51 2018 No.12083822
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I was walking home with an old friend today and he tells me about his crazy "social life". Oh, yes, that's crazy, niiice, cool. As you can probably tell, I'm not really interested in parties but he doesn't take any hints and blabs on about how wild his "social life" is. He then goes on to belittle me for not caring and pretends to feel sorry for me. He thinks I deserve his faux-pity because I don't get wasted every weekend. He determines his self-worth based on how many "friends" he has, or how many girls he slept with. Why are people so shallow?

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:16:06 2018 No.12083844 >>12083822 because we live in a society

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:18:24 2018 No.12083854 >>12083844 haha funny maymay BOTTOM TEXT XD

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:23:16 2018 No.12083870 >>12083854 but its the answer you're looking for

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:25:10 2018 No.12083880

>>12083822
some people spend all their time talking about other people - friends, enemies, etc. I make a mental note whenever I meet someone like that and avoid them from that point on. As a result, all of my friends are high-quality, genuine people with strong self worth and established identities.
It sounds like you weren't very careful in building your friendships and now you're stuck with a shitter.

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:27:33 2018 No.12083893 I'M GONNA STICK MY DICK BETWEEN A BIG PAIR OF TIDDERS I'LL FUCKING DO IT, JUST YOU WATCH I'M DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS, I WILL LITERALLY RUB MY GENITALS ON A WOMAN'S CHEST UNTIL I EJACULATE DON'T FUCKING TRY ME

>>	Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:29:08 2018 No.12083899 >>12083870 If it were I wouldn't have posted that

Anonymous Wed Nov 14 23:36:50 2018 No.12083929

>>12083880
And you can't blame them. Social animals gonna socialize. Even I, stalwart lone wolf that I am, much most of my time thinking about other people, or actions other people have done or things they've said. Even if I'm reading I'm thinking about something someone else has done. If I'm writing, I'm imagining talking to a imaginary audience or dreaming up imaginary people.

The thing is when you fall into a trap of thinking only about your shallowest interactions with the most shallow people. All that shallowness pools together in one big cluster of misanthropic fuck.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 00:09:29 2018 No.12084030 >>12083929 >Even I, stalwart lone wolf that I am okay lol

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 00:11:55 2018 No.12084035 >>12084030 Kek, that didn't seem as autistic when I first wrote it. I am a bit of a recluse however, which is what I was trying to say ;^)

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 00:22:25 2018 No.12084074

>>12083880
Avoiding discussion about people you interact with is the the definition of being disingenuous. They're afraid to reveal their real thoughts about others much the same way people are afraid to profess bold opinions in political, social and religious affairs. Your friends are all shallow milquetoast pseuds, or they don't trust you and aren't real friends.
The problem your trying to get at lies in "social capital" and and assessments of individuals based on their interpersonal finesse which is valid criticism. But, you generalized this and made yourself and company sound like major pseuds.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 00:30:21 2018 No.12084096

>>12084074
I don't mean they never talk about people, just that their conversation doesn't revolve solely around recounting the itineraries of every member of their Facebook friends list. Hence the key word "all" in my original post.
In your haste to take up a contrarian position you failed to actually read my post, and you also used the phrase "social capital" which, even if you did bracket it in scare quotes, I have to laugh at you for.
>ahem
lol

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 01:21:42 2018 No.12084256

>>12078264
>>12079116
>>12079590
>>12081492

same anon here, i'm feeling slightly better, less dizzy, less chest pain - watching videos about health anxiety on youtube really helped, I have an appointment for monday, maybe going to go see the dr. at a walk in clinic tomorrow depending on how im feeling, the anxiety is what really got me....

best books for manging anxiety/health anxiety in general? any reccs and general advice is appreciated, thank you guys, besides my mom 4chan really is the only support system I have, so I appreciate it greatly

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 02:02:05 2018 No.12084361

I've been feeling sick/off for a while, started seeing a doctor about it but it'll be a while before they figure out whats wrong. I feel like I've taken my health for granted up until now. Every problem in my life before didn't feel as bad as being fatigued/nauseous 24/7, or its 100x worse.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 02:19:34 2018 No.12084397

>>12084361
I've been thinking about health too a lot lately. I'm at that penultimate age of late twenties when you begin to understand mortality in a way you never did when you were younger.

I remember zooming around as a teen and pushing my body to the limit. I miss being a ripped 18 year old who could run on 5 hours sleep or whatever and join the Marines if he felt like it.

At the same time, I'd abuse my health when I was younger. I still abuse my health now that I'm older of course, but now I feel it. I know it's bad. I can feel it gnawing away at me.

That dawning sense of mortality brings everything into relief and sharpens life into a clear cut horizon. You realize how precious it is, you smell the roses, you really appreciate a good night under the covers in bed.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 02:41:28 2018 No.12084463

I haven't posted on 4chan in more than a year. I'd say my writing skills are rusty but I really didn't write worth a damn before taking a multi year haitus from trying in order to do some crazy stuff.

I'm extremely poor, estranged from my family, and am completely starting over financially, but am about two weeks from a car. I'd say I'm excited but in truth there's an angst about the future and what lies beyond death. There's hope to find a nice girl, but what I've learned over the last few years is that women are immensely undependable, selfish, and are much like ogres in their interior selves. Layers upon layers, and in order to go a layer deeper, one must be prepared to cry.

The plan is to buy the car, outfit it with supplies, and live a semi-nomadic lifestyle. There's transcription software I can buy that will write out everything I say in a recorder so I don't have to lug around writing materials all the time.

A true artist sacrifices comfort and stability for the sake of creation. The reason so few become artists is because of their choice to be comfortable, to hold down a 40 hour job, to entertain wastes of time, to fall for the idea that they need to get high to imagine, to seek to be supported by others, to have more than 100 square feet of property to call their own, when in truth, any person can simply live poorly, endure discomfort, experience life, build character, and then from that character can relay their life into some amount of actual art.

Edgar Allan Poe once went through a winter with almost no money, and had to burn his own furniture to keep warm. That influenced him. After his wife died, some of his best poetry was written, because he experienced and lived the loss and grief.

No young soul at the age of 20 with some time in school will be able to write decently. Consider the writer of Eragon. The book is only a clone of Star Wars because that's probably all that had a profound impact on him as he grew up.

Last I seriously looked, /lit/ was full of meme-lords who believed that submerging themselves in things that they were not prepared for would lead one to intellectual superiority, when in truth, the human mind can only handle so much at a time. Like the human muscle, the brain must be nourished, trained, and treated with care in order for it to share its potential. The /lit/ of a few years ago pretended inaccessibility when it truly didn't have much to offer to the aspiring reader and writer, except pretension. Not to say that it wasn't fun, it helped me to pretend to be smart, and women are irresistibly drawn to men they believe have long term financial potential.

Marijuana is for fools and the dying, speaking as a former fool.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 02:49:40 2018 No.12084482

>>12077913
the story isn’t real, and N was already suffering from psychotic episodes, hallucinations, and neurological degeneration. Howeve, the thought of its being true makes me emotionally weak and almost brings me to tears at times. if only because he was such a lonely human and certainly closed off from most others, callous, incapable of sympathy for the weak. I can’t witness violence against the weak, they mean nothing to me and I’ve never really defended anyone from cruelty before but to see man torturing another living thing mind makes me crave death for myself the whole species. Being partially sociopathic but unable and maybe unwilling to let others suffer is unbearable. None of the empathic warmth and altruistic joy from weeping with others but also without the escape into the wastes of adiaphoric malice. It will get worse with time, I’ve become more sensitive to the inequality and necessitated warfare among people.
>>12079098
you don’t have an iq of 130

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 02:55:04 2018 No.12084499 I want to die

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:03:11 2018 No.12084517

>>12084463
Cont.

One of the major beefs I had for a long time was people trying to make up for their lack of experience and character by faking some sort of 'transcendent' art (i.e. art majors and their scribbles with a message about the human condition or something). It always angered me that I didn't have some sort of witty way to humiliate them into owning their total lack of merit. I'd visit colleges or go through magazines and see some of the tripe passing for art and would often blow fuses in anger at the things people get away with. It's at an extreme level in Hollywood, and I'm not referencing the 2smart4u films, more the epidemic of mediocrity. I saw the seventh Star Wars in the theater, and after telling my friend that it was a play by play of Episode 4, was bullied into calling it good. People are afraid of admitting that the things that they pay money for are unfulfilling, meaningless, and more often than not, lazily made.

I recently saw several interviews and clips with the chef Marco Pierre White, and saw his extreme drive, and wondered why there were so few artists with that same insatiable urge to create beauty, and to improve on their skills while learning new ones. So many people with talent would hear that their work is good, even at the earliest infant outset, and then stop working, or would simply stoop to make lots of money through appealing to masses. I'd be asking a lot for there to be a major change but things will only change when people demand quality and stop paying for shit.

The man who desires beauty, and is willing to make the distinction between it and mediocrity, will be hated.

I am tired of mediocrity. Good luck anons. Somebody please make something beautiful.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:18:30 2018 No.12084540

I took adderral thirty minutes ago and I don't feel anything. I'm not particularly focused on one thing. On the contrary I feel bored and unable to focus on anything for longer than a few seconds. I planned on writing while I was on it, but instead I have been watching watchmojo videos.
Should I have a coffee and try to write or smoke weed and watch more watchmojo?

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:29:24 2018 No.12084558

>>12084517
Currently making something beautiful. Do not use your nomadic lifestyle as a pretext to drift further into mediocrity. You should get an actual job like at a restaurant. It will keep you grounded in every day experience. Humility will be pounded into you. It seems ridiculous, that you are simultaneously working minimum wage but also creating a great works of art. It's not contradictory at all. In the same way that a physically insecure person is aggressive, you will become mediocre and listless if you immerse yourself fully in art and being an artist.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:35:34 2018 No.12084571
File: 1.07 MB, 500x500, kek hypnosis.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12077913
Been thinking today that's it's better to be a Noble Savage then some spineless christcuck moralfag.

You can't go through life constantly being nice to people. The world is a brutal place and you have to adapt to it so you don't get walked on like a cuck
>Inb4 edgy

Also no matter what a woman says, she loves to be choked, yelled at, spit on and have her hair pulled. It's actually in their biology it isn't even up for debate.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:41:43 2018 No.12084580 I'm afraid of getting kidney stones. Fuck kidney stones.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:41:54 2018 No.12084582 >>12084558 I literally wash dishes at a tex mex chain. Thank you for the advice anon.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:48:31 2018 No.12084599

>>12084540
Are you taking extended release? It appears to be very uneven in its effects and by the time the second capsule dosage hits I find I'm already feeling the comedown from the first. It gives me a "wired but tired" feeling that's pretty uncomfortable. I'd recommend weed for the comedown, but not coffee unless anxiety/heart palpitations are generally not a problem for you and you really need to focus and get shit done.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:49:33 2018 No.12084600 >>12084499 Me too anon, me too

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:51:58 2018 No.12084604 >>12084599 It's IR, but I still feel nothing. I had a subway sandwich before eating it though and that's all I've eaten today.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 03:52:59 2018 No.12084606 >>12084582 Go to a college town and start working at a restaurant there.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 04:06:31 2018 No.12084627

>>12084571
Okay this is true to an extent. I have had the pleasure of meeting powerful people. I grew up in a town with tons of CEOs and high level diplomats. They're all charming and nice people. How could a ruthless industrialist CEO be nice to a random sixteen (I'm 20 now) year old? Be nice to people 80% of the time and overly selfish 20% of the time. You can be extremely cordial, polite, and even build up another persons confidence while being 100% selfish.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 04:23:04 2018 No.12084668 How can the european pagan religion possibly be correct if it is so heavily dependent on the weather of the northern hemisphere? There is no longevity in that nature-based concept of theology.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 04:27:16 2018 No.12084679

>>12084668
1) The people who lived there didn't really know about shit like the Arabian Desert or the jungles of Indochina. They just believed what their forefathers believed.

2) Neo-pagans tend to not literally believe in gods. It's more Jungian archetypes and "my race is my religion" stuff.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 04:29:39 2018 No.12084683 IT GOES IT GOES IT GOES IT GOES IT GOES IT GOES IT GOES IT GOES YUH

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 04:38:50 2018 No.12084706 >>12084679 But that means half the entire religion is completely unauthentic, the character of the gods is partly defined by their roles in the weather of the year. It isn't all universal secular archetypes.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 04:49:07 2018 No.12084726

>>12084706
>>12084679
People thought differently back then. Religion was a psychological utility and did not necessarily offer a complete explanation of the world, but the bits and pieces stitched together over time makes it seem that way to modern people.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 05:19:46 2018 No.12084771 >>12084571 based

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 05:37:19 2018 No.12084796 Girl who was interested with me looked at me like I was a ghost when I told her I didn't have an Instagram. Why do I go on in this world...

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 07:42:50 2018 No.12085041

>>12084796
There's nothing wrong with not having an instagram. I had a friend with no social media, and he voluntarily chose to have a small circle. It made him seem reclusive and mysterious to women, as if he was "cooler than cool." Anytime a girl sees a shortcoming just totally be delusional about it to her and go on the offensive. It works everytime. Don't do this during a relationship tho you will cause her unnecessary mental pain.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 08:00:47 2018 No.12085090
File: 596 KB, 1280x1920, tumblr_or73ym36sk1rsn47po1_1280.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Im so glad I learned english. Whenever I can't understand something in Portuguese I just look up the english version and read it in other words. Some translations are really bad...

Do you guys really think there will be a race war?

Whenerver I'm home alone I feel the urge to watch porn and masturbate. Gotta stop with this bullshit before I get some ED or something.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 08:05:21 2018 No.12085103 >>12078300 Cool enough but basically derivative of The Smiths and The Cure without being half as catchy

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 08:05:53 2018 No.12085104

>>12085090
Can you speak Gallegos?
The race war will never happen bc lack of Geographic uniformity. A civil war is probably going to happen in the US in 10 years.
Loosen the grip on your dick. I'm assuming you aren't circumcised so you have a better chance than me.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 08:09:00 2018 No.12085120

There's a girl I'm talking to who I'm probably getting into a relationship with. She went to my high school and we were friends. We never fucked just flirted a bunch in school. She's driving 4 hours to stay with me for a week and she's prob going to move in with me in January.
I keep jacking off constantly, trying to hit up girls, downloading grindr then uninstalling it when I realize I'm only 2% gay. I'm dreading the day she's coming in now. I've wanted a gf for so long and now I'm not even that excited. I just want to fuck through my phone not actually feel real love.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 08:12:39 2018 No.12085131

>>12085041
There's nothing wrong with not being chad. I had a friend who wasn't chad, and he voluntarily chose to have a small dick. It made him seem reclusive and mysterious to women, as if he was "Chadder than Chad."
Anytime a girl sees your short dick just be totally delusional about it to her and go on the offensive. It works everytime. Don't do this during a relationship tho, you will cause Chad unnecessary dick pain.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 08:16:22 2018 No.12085137

>>12081890
Same. Just got through my exams interpersing my study with countless wasted hours of 4chan browsing, I can distract myself from productivity with pretty much anything but this place is pretty much the most addictive and mind numbing for me. i'm done

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 08:26:30 2018 No.12085162 >>12085137 see you tomorrow anon It's impossible to escape Alcatraz.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 08:37:29 2018 No.12085189

>>12079596
Anon, do us both a favor and please start backing up your writing and things you care about. Either pick up a spare drive on black friday, or if the things you care about are small enough, a flash drive or similar. Trust me, it'll be worth its weight in gold.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 09:23:37 2018 No.12085324 I can read all day today at work. What should I download from Gutenburg?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 09:27:36 2018 No.12085337 >>12085131 based and redpilled

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 09:37:57 2018 No.12085369

>>12083030
Even Reddit atheists are more nuanced than these strawmen chirstcucks erect.
However, my cousin who was borne and raised a Reddit atheist, told me the other day, "religion is a mental disorder, they proved it with brainscans" I nearly died from the cringe. I'm an atheist too you know, but come the fuck on.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 09:38:15 2018 No.12085372
File: 13 KB, 243x243, 1542080413.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Why is writing what I'm good at, an art form that's going the way of tapestry and barely anyone appreciates anymore? I may be a terrible photographer, but at least people look at my pictures.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 09:59:57 2018 No.12085454

>>12085369
Guy you're calling a christcuck here, I'm not a christian and I made that post while engaged in an argument with someone literally behaving like that. I have never had a reasonable discussion with an atheists, but perhaps that's because sensible atheists don't discuss their views.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 10:39:14 2018 No.12085570 >>12085372 Your first sentence suggests otherwise.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 10:48:02 2018 No.12085609 I came at an impasse in void of sound and motion, it talked to me in a dream, I cant respond

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 10:49:25 2018 No.12085616 I feel such a passion and love right now, I wish i could always be this way, I wish everyone could, I love humanity I wish i could kiss everyone

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 10:57:42 2018 No.12085646

So this 20yo, again. The moment I sat down at her table while waiting for class, she wasted no time to recall an awkward event from our monday encounter. Again with the hand. "what was the meaning?", she asked again. I really wanted to get her attention off, that was the answer. But she wasn't convinced with just that. Why would her? I came to realize that perhaps, by not going for a flirtying approach i defaulted to an autistic one. Can you blame me though? She has a bf. And is way younger than me. We changed topics. Discuss about economics, networks, hate speechinh... a lot of random topics.

We get to class and asks if she can sit next to. Of course, i don't really mind. Later teach asks "町の中で何レストランが一番すきですか。" When my turn to answer comes i respond "タコスフェリクスがいちばん好きです。" Teach moves to the next person. Then she says "They are good but I don't go very often." I ask curiously "They sure are, why havent you though?". "Nobody takes me out." I can feel her insinuating me, im not dumb. Still, remembering my place i say "It's never too late for tacos."

Class is over and we walk together for a little, this time with other classmates besides us, when she suddenly says "So, are we going to eat now, right?" It caught me hella off guard, more so when people were besides us. I conviced her no since i had already other plans for tonight. "Well, im not gonna beg you. But we are going to the movies". My poise could was already shattered. "Ok, fine we go on a weekend. The movie is on the 30th, right?". She nodded and said "alright, its a promise". I just said "Sure, save the date."

I hate when my mind is set that nothing is going to happen with a cute girl, and shit like gives you false hope anyways.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 10:59:38 2018 No.12085656 >>12085646 are you japanese please be my boyfriend

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:14:37 2018 No.12085702 Due to a dyslexic friend I imagined Joyce drinking juice and now I wonder what his favourite juice would be

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:21:40 2018 No.12085718

>The world doesn't owe you anything

mylifeisropefuel • 21d
I'm so tired of hearing this. You're not a lone caveman, you belong to a society and a community. We've developed a system of values, morals, an ethical system of right and wrong, etc. To say that "The world doesn't owe you anything" is ignorant.

You're owed a fair, legal trial for any accusation you face just by virtue of being alive in your country. You're entitled to it.

If you got accused of stealing and the police decided to throw you into jail for 5 years without a trial, would you sit back and say "Oh well, I guess the world doesn't owe me anything"? Or would you be pissed?

You're part of a network. If you have friends then you all owe each other support and companionship. If you have a job then you're owed a salary. If you get stabbed and you fall in front of a hospital, you're owed medical treatment. I mean holy shit, you can sit on your ass and do nothing all day and society will still make sure you have food and basic shelter.

There's a reason loneliness feels like shit, it's not natural. Human beings are social animals, we've been part of some kind of social unit for as long as we've been walking on two feet. Whether that be a tribe or a state is irrelevant.

Obviously friends and a relationship aren't owed the same way a material substance is owed. They're not the same. But if you're a decent person who takes moderate care of themselves and you find yourself alone and totally rejected socially and romantically, something is wrong. It's not natural and it's guaranteed to give you a million reasons to complain, because we aren't meant to live alone.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:31:49 2018 No.12085744

I find myself struggling with the choice between beauty and rationality. I've been educated in such a way and have knowledge of such information that doesn't allow me to sincerely trust anything that doesn't conform to the post-Enlightnement marxist thinking that has solidified itself in me, but it makes everything so ugly and boring. How can there be beauty when the sublime is impossible? I envy religious zealots for their ability to believe wholeheartedly that they're living that magical narrative, that there's all angels and Gods looking down on everything, that demons are coming to slaughter the unfaithful. To be able to ponder on the absolute perfection of God and all his Creation without a second guess is something I'll never have access to.
I wish I could believe in God, but I can't. I wish I believed in the righteousness of the Empire and in the Czar's divine right to power, but I don't.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:34:01 2018 No.12085749 >>12085718 i live alone ama

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:36:22 2018 No.12085759 currently engaged in a engineering degree program and still feel like i still don't know shit

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:42:37 2018 No.12085777

>>12085718
Reminds me of my friend who when I was having a hard time finding a job told me "you're not entitled to a job." I wanted to slap him. Should I be entitled to homelessness and starvation then? What do you do when you need to work but you can't?

I'm out here looking for a means to exert myself, not asking for give aways and freebies. I should have slapped him. Some people will go to huge lengths to rationalize their own enslavement.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:56:07 2018 No.12085820 >>12085570 yes anon my posts into the void here are indicative of my skill as a writer

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:57:28 2018 No.12085822 >>12085777 """friend"""

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 11:57:37 2018 No.12085823 I wish I could be with you

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:05:21 2018 No.12085849

“Ulysses? Highbrow. Interstellar? Lowbrow. Shakespeare? Highbrow. Baz Luhrman’s Romeo & Juliet? Lowbrow. Seinfeld? Highbrow, masquerading as lowbrow. Frasier? The reverse. Pokemon? Highbrow. Digimon: lowbrow. Settlers of Cataan? Lowbrow, but desperately wanting to be highbrow. GTAV? Lowbrow. RDR2? Highbrow.”
“Alright Steve, thanks very mu-“
“The original Star Wars trilogy was lowbrow, but with a highbrow execution, while the prequels… the less we say the better...”

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:05:28 2018 No.12085850 File: 65 KB, 625x352, german-suplex.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] My girlfriend's group of friends are incredibly shitty to her at any chance they get and I wish she'd just suplex them all and end her suffering.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:10:12 2018 No.12085864 >>12085656 Not Japanese but with dick size same as the average Japanese men, so there is that kek.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:14:53 2018 No.12085876 >>12085864 cute

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:16:16 2018 No.12085880 File: 53 KB, 512x512, hhh5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12081724 >tekken 3 going over chess on /lit/ I don't know what world I'm living in, but it's fucking AWESOME.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:27:01 2018 No.12085920

>>12085880
/lit/'s finely honed contrarianism is its one reliable talent. I love those threads where anons try to decide which ethnic, ideological, or religious group /lit/ scheduled for this week after not reading rare books you never heard of. Peak hipster.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:43:11 2018 No.12085973
File: 153 KB, 991x491, 1446003221188.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12082541
Again, the only reason I ever embarked on abstinence in the first place, was due to the negative effects that I would notice following it (tiredness, fatigue, apathy, and worst of all, and a total motivational vacuum). Accepting it as just part of the human condition, is a cop-out, especially after I have experience months of successful unbroken abstinence at multiple periods in my adult life; it's not an empty idealized, unreachable goal, from my own experience, let alone that of some of the greatest men in all of existence who practiced it (Kant, Tesla, Newton, etc).
I surmise from your question and seeing the picture of Freud, that the question fundamentally boils down to his concept of an ego ideal. Your conception of an ego ideal, seems more like literary analysis, as it's viewed as inherently negative, and something that is externalized and universalized to all of humanity. Strictly as an individualized concept, I suppose total celibacy is an ego ideal (a recent one I should add, which may contradict the concept of it), but is reachable.

Freud himself had similar observations on this (his theories on sublimation) matter. It would be hugely ironic, given pretty much his body of work centered on sexuality, if his ego ideal was a state of total sexual abstinence.
>Sigmund Freud Psychologist, founder of Psychoanalysis: “Freud held the opinion (based on personal experience and observation) that sexual activity was incompatible with the accomplishing of any great work. Since he felt that the great work of creating and establishing psychotherapy was his destiny, he told his wife that they could no longer engage in sexual relations. Indeed from about the age of forty until his death Freud was absolutely celibate “in order to sublimate the libido for creative purposes.” – according to his biographer Ernest Jones.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:56:20 2018 No.12086017 >>12085850 Challenge them to a duel or get them to marry disappointing men.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:57:47 2018 No.12086019 >>12086017 Can we bring dueling back? I have a substantial list of people who have wronged me I would like to duel

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 12:58:35 2018 No.12086026

>>12086017
If it was as simple as fighting them myself, I'd have already done so. But the GF insists I don't resort to violence. I've told her multiple times that they are bad for her, but she always comes back with them being her only friends she has left, and she's not exactly wrong there. I'm resigned to just having to hear about it now and again, but that doesn't mean I don't dream of other solutions.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 13:04:42 2018 No.12086055 >>12086026 >only friends she has left Doesn't make a lot of sense if they're not even proper friends. >>12086019 I also like the idea a lot but I'd probably die like a faggot on the first one, over something embarrassing, like Pushkin.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 13:07:58 2018 No.12086064

>>12085372
Photography has shit like instagram that makes sharing your photos and receiving instant gratification through like from other people, and by other people I mean accounts running bots that don't even look at your photos. Is there an instagram equivalent for writing? I mean I guess there's tumblr, but that's not really writing oriented like instagram is photo oriented.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 13:07:58 2018 No.12086065

>>12086055
I guess some problems could be solved if one individual was removed, but the other two would still inevitably complicate things. They all seem unhappy in their own ways and it bleeds into the lives of the others and it's just one big miserable circle of despair.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 13:18:11 2018 No.12086091 Libertarianism taken to it's logical conclusion is just the political version of post modernism Also other political and economic systems that people already engage with every day such as laissez-faire economics end up encouraging post modern thought

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 13:18:20 2018 No.12086092

>>12086065
>They all seem unhappy in their own ways and it bleeds into the lives of the others and it's just one big miserable circle of despair.
Sounds /lit/. Anyway, your gf should stand up for herself and if they stop being friends because of it all the better. There are few things more mentally crippling than shitty friends.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 13:25:59 2018 No.12086116

I'm tired.

I don't know why I'm in graduate school. The work I do isn't exactly enthralling, and I have sated desire to earn a lot of money, but working to help people seems like a vain attempt of validating my existence through helping others less competent. Should I explore my own competence but be driven miserable by it's stresses? I once grew pleasure of previous passions, but i simply stress that their superfluous nature do not contribute to the betterment of myself, so even if the appropriate time were alotted, enjoyment is diminished by the pervading thoughts of waste entering my mind. I like to cook. It relaxes the mind and stimulates the senses, but it feels as if this passion is only in response to the extreme lengths I often push myself, often fasting with no food or water for 2 or 3 days at a time, often at least twice a week. My new interest in fitness seems to be a self centered attempt to validate my prior decision to fast, displaying how it can get done, to prove to my family how to lose weight. Even now, this seems to be a complex of being superior to others in all aspects of life. I forgo sex, pornography, cursing, and while I claim it is for my moral fortitude, it's likely to show others that if I can do it, so can they. As a minority, it feels like a hypocrisy, where I preach to others they can do anything I can, while I have faced discrimination and slurs being thrown at me, knowing in some sense that my potential and my achievement is blocked by the barriers of reality that say otherwise. I feel overworked but I cannot rest for I can rest for when I die.
I'm tired.
I want to sleep.

I want to die.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 13:48:11 2018 No.12086170 achoo

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 13:52:13 2018 No.12086180

Just a few weeks ago I was on here making long ass posts talking about how shitty I felt, my depression, loneliness, etc.
Then school picked up, I got busier that way, then I also got very into a show, so by effect I stopped coming on here as much and I feel a lot better than before
Of course I still have my problems, but they're not as bad as they were. I think one of the issues is when you come on here and wallow in self-pity and look at all the others doing the same, misery breeding more misery. Get out of here for a few hours a day, not saying to forgo 4chan entirely, but ease back on it, or at least the sadposting

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 14:12:19 2018 No.12086258
File: 101 KB, 544x1110, 1542104507534.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12086116
Soon you'll emerge from this chrysalis, a new man. Forged through hard work, and dedicating yourself. Persevere. When you emerge, you'll find life so beautiful that you'll never want to die again.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 14:43:14 2018 No.12086366

>>12082325
>their utmost goal and thought at all times is their next sexual release.

>>12082541
>>12085973

I jerk off almost daily and never think about it, neither before nor after the 5-10 minutes it takes. I've incidentally abstained for like 10 days and noticed no difference, not even in the jerking off when I jerked off afterward. What are you ming-mongs talking about?

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 14:44:27 2018 No.12086373

>>12077913
to atone is to pay
to become is to play
to achieve is to deserve
to deserve is to atone...

waiting
shadows at sunrise
thirst confluence
as our multitudes
become one
feel her every bit
just like mine
everlasting, carnal
pleasure in prime
dividing and kissing
every milisecond
of many -
a single body
the joy of meaning
instant nature
true and perennial
secret code within us
in every breath
timeless milleninal

so close we lie
listless forests
of trembling leaves
cannot paint
the golden satiety
of our beauty
for aeons denied
now ready
tired of drooling
wired and grooving
sway ever closer
vortex of hands
thousands of fingerprints
paint my lands,
my shaft
billions of stars
swim towards her grail
wasn that what i felt?
what we were created for?
but to melt
into each other`s pores

swaying
milky ways of glory
her hairs
tangle my story
mine
tingle her innocence
bad children of time
naugthy, indecent
mine...

so now we await
when gods
will allow us again
to see
clear as day
each other`s thoughts
whatever they may
as I hear
the sound of her voice
her arching body a net
a dome
her lips wet
honeycomb
trap me!
in the inevitability
of your kiss
then shall awaken
the glory of mankind
all as one
everlasting orgiastic
futuristic
not plastic
deterministic and fantastic
interpenetration
her tongue -
every bit in my brain
i -
everywhere in her palace
of transcendental proportion
my eyelashes fluttering
awaken another`s eyes
in newfound
mutual devotion

i shall no longer await
heart a bird
to read to you
my verse
but shall feel thy hand
on top of mine
as it dance
an orgasm of futility
shared becomes divinity

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 14:45:41 2018 No.12086378

>>12086373
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUGTeN2qIDg

let me tell you a story
ten thousand years
were we denied each other
why oh why?
were i not allowed
to caress her skin?
if not to tramsute
that burning desire
into promethean fire
create the machine
that would render
me redundant
and offer me a bridge
to her in stone
a bond unbreakable
so that obsolete
we can grow old
in eternal youth
all of us as one
finally sated
finally achieved
what we toild for
for ages
for each other
to finally
be one
then
shall we become gods
then,
finally sated
shall we ascend
our heavenly throne
made of embraces
and as our metallic children
roam the stars
we shall taste
each other
until time ends
and then some more
for we managed to atone
for our passions
and finally
met our desires
as equals
her body in my self
a coiled chromosome
like electric elves
that finally found home

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 14:47:55 2018 No.12086387

>>12086366
>jerk off almost daily and never think about it, neither before nor after the 5-10 minutes it takes. I've incidentally abstained for like 10 days and noticed no difference, not even in the jerking off when I jerked off afterward. What are you ming-mongs talking about?
Same, these people give it too much power. I jerk off then move on. I go days without jerking off and don't notice, then I'll jerk off and it'll feel like I never did. I just don't think about. It doesn't affect me. It astounds me how these guys literally constantly think about the difference of their being when they're in public based on whether or not they've jerked off in the past week. I don't think about jerking off when I'm out and about

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 14:48:15 2018 No.12086390 >>12086091 Pomo is just reactionaryism for shy fascists.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 14:49:21 2018 No.12086396 I am the dancing dwarf who mistook a princess's laughter for love fucking slut

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 14:50:11 2018 No.12086401 Pieces. You work for it and get to the point where it feels everything could be alright. Pieces always come I don't want to break the puzzle again - even i already did and will always do

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:08:13 2018 No.12086501 >>12086366 I don't see how that's possible, I feel incredibly different just between 0-days, 1-day, and 2-days.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:21:27 2018 No.12086551 >>12082993 no you're just a kind person

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:29:13 2018 No.12086569

faced with a large setback in the artistic world. should i try to rebuild momentum or go back to school for computer science, code, and write on the side? i feel like trying again is delusional, but trying to be some form of artist seems delusional to most people anyway. writing is the only thing that has kept me going for the last 8 years and i feel like a publishing deal falling through shouldn't feel discouraging when that shit happens all the time but it really does and i'm having a hard time dragging myself out of being suicidal and not caring about anything

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:30:53 2018 No.12086575
File: 246 KB, 1120x487, great post.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12086366
No other action from within the body affects so suddenly and so profoundly. The fact that you don't think about it probably indicates you aren't a very perceptive person, and that most of your life is about seeking pleasure and consuming. You're in the passenger's seat.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:41:26 2018 No.12086606 >>12086575 How do those statements follow from one another?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:46:15 2018 No.12086615 >>12086606 >a major neurochemical/physiological change occurs in the body from masturbation/sex >dude I don't think about it, ergo it doesn't exist!

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:50:41 2018 No.12086626
File: 527 KB, 1024x825, 17298427672_b677fc5eee_b.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Today was the first snow of the season. Hefty, prismatic flakes falling from clouds in pillowy gusts, the grey sky one cold mist. It groped its fingerlings toward the tips of the spires and the lonely tall buildings, slowly ebbing as the sky, one big cloud, seemed to shed itself in snow.

Snow always puts me in a dreamy mood. Partly because I'm half snow-nig myself, and where I'm from experienced snow every year. Regardless it helps put my mind at ease and let the enveloping warmth of the snowy cold wrap around me like a blanket.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:53:29 2018 No.12086639 >>12086615 Pretty much.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 15:53:56 2018 No.12086640
File: 139 KB, 790x756, 1542050682784.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12086366
>>12086366
The comedown from sexual activity is worse than stimulants. You're just low IQ. Of course you wouldn't note any difference. In fact, you probably wouldn't even benefit from abstaining. Ignorance is bliss. Now carry on like a good pleasure-slave.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:00:12 2018 No.12086652 >>12086640 >can defeat the bane of your existence just by being me >that means i'm...inferior >specifically say i abstain without even noticing >pleasure-slave >hmmm.pdf Anyway, casually read about OCD in the Philosophical-Subjective sense.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:08:45 2018 No.12086673 >>12083893 pls dont put your dick in my tits

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:10:35 2018 No.12086686 I haven’t touched a woman in so long. Today my cousin hugged me. Her hair smelled like strawberry shampoo. I wish life was like my Chinese cartoons.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:14:44 2018 No.12086699

I am, from this moment, going to attempt to give up pornography. I'm not going full incel Reddit and not jerking off so one day I can practise telekinesis but I will attempt to stop watching pornography when I masturbate. I think it will be hard to do as I am often horny but I think that may also come down to the false effects of porn too. We are also bombarded by sexualised images and that doesn't help me at all.

I believe in me and my willpower, though.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:23:10 2018 No.12086720

>>12077913
money and weather
i spent 240 bucks on new clothes and a cold weather sleeping bag.i now need 350 bucks for pack and tent.someone gave me a bag of good weed today,another person gave me a copy of fahrenheit 451.i was embarrassed to take such pleb shit,i read the foreword by neil gaiman and it was pathetic.anyway im sure i will acquire new pack and tent by 2 weeks time.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:25:22 2018 No.12086728

>>12086699
Try to make a deliberate effort to recognize and disrupt the habitual masturbation that was more-or-less instilled by the pornography consumption. That's where the real harm is, when it becomes a disruption to your daily routine.
If you ever decide to return, make it imperative that you stick to static (non-moving), non-hardcore images. The videos seem to hypersexualize the mind the worst, muddying the subconscious and poisoning dreams as you sleep.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:28:09 2018 No.12086740 >>12086626 Our first snow will be tonight, I'm looking forward to it. A bit sad that autumn has gone so quickly though.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:32:09 2018 No.12086755 >>12086740 This is going to be the worst winter the northern hemisphere has ever seen.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:35:36 2018 No.12086775 >>12086755 Why do you say that friend?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:37:43 2018 No.12086785 >>12086775 Whitewalkers

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:42:16 2018 No.12086801 >>12086775 In the 2000s* Fall has been frigid and more northerly currents are veering far south. I'm no meteorologist, but it just seems like this is foreshadowing a winter of arctic blasts.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 16:45:05 2018 No.12086821

>>12086728

I think I am going to just try to only do sexual things with another person. Porn really kind of warped by views and my reward centers. I wasn't watching weird stuff or anything but who knows if I would have started. Porn really is disgusting and objectifying.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:14:45 2018 No.12086977
File: 457 KB, 600x481, 1536163724616.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12077913
My life for all intents & purposes is over.

I wasted years from 18 to 31 by being a NEET without zero friends living in father's attic, and still am.

Only two things are in my mind when I wake up each morning; the wish that I did not have any dreams at all, and that I would just die.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:20:11 2018 No.12087016 >>12086977 I don't see how your life is over if you've never lived it to begin with. You could always do something cool like buying a plane ticket to central asia and becoming a vagabond.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:23:12 2018 No.12087035 >>12086977 Join a monestary.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:25:53 2018 No.12087044 >>12087035 I'm not a man of faith like that, but why not I guess.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:27:33 2018 No.12087057 >>12087016 Too scared and sheltered little white boy to do that, even if i do enjoy films and novels where characters do that.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:29:27 2018 No.12087062 >>12087044 Exactly.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:39:35 2018 No.12087108 The only one I can do with it was that it would never work for you. I don’t know what I want to do but I don’t want to do anything. I don’t have to do that a little more. I just want a big fat black one. Apologies for poor English.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:44:12 2018 No.12087129 >>12087057 vagabond here.a community exists among us,we gather several times a year. people will let you roaddog it with them.adventure is yours if willing to stick a thumb out

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:48:45 2018 No.12087145

I tried doing a stream of consciousness the other day and this is the [s4s]-tier word salad that came out. Some of it's just nonsense syllables. I've been unusually creative since I wrote it. Half scared I'm having a manic episode.

pie l'egg sammich chicken alfredo sauce duckmeat avocado (why is it all food?) foof fef feef "armitage" lego (my eggo) vinegar nutsack cactus cactuar dredge ligma ass ass ass YouTube Poop kind dinner spaghetti Undertale dridge doplhin porn weiner dario duck a brown seven lemur tiddlywinks spaghetti McDonald's hamburger french fries

Boi' he comin' *applause* a black man with a short black man I'm having a heart attack who cares what you think you are not my mother

*rainbow tylenol plays*

canned food "zuz" nibbas whomst use colgate

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:50:57 2018 No.12087156 >>12086977 Have you tried doing mushrooms?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 17:51:59 2018 No.12087157 >>12087129 Where and when do you gather? How can I join?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:01:13 2018 No.12087204 >>12087156 see >>12087057 so, no.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:01:38 2018 No.12087205

>>12087157
go to a rainbow gathering,its a bunch of hippies in the woods.its full of hitchhikers.wait till spring because the winter gatherings have not cool people.the main gathering will be in MN mid june to mid july. look up rainbow gatherings on facebook and dirty kid couch suffering coalition.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:03:29 2018 No.12087215 >>12087205 *surfing

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:23:06 2018 No.12087317 >>12087205 thank you so much! I look forward to it and hope I unknowingly see you there

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:24:07 2018 No.12087324 >>12087204 What state are you in?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:25:24 2018 No.12087328 >>12087324 fuck ing Sweden

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:31:24 2018 No.12087358

People who say, "SO MUCH FOR THE TOLERANT LEFT" absolutely sicken me. It mistakes current American liberals (and democrats) for leftists and disregards stuff like the battle of Blair Mountain or Catalonia. Just two examples. Liberals are capitalist cuckolds. Fuck. Bring back the guillotine for bourgies and their supporters.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:39:33 2018 No.12087395 >>12087328 I wish I could be there with you and show you we don't need to be scared. Are you only 31 now?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 18:44:58 2018 No.12087418 >>12087395 32 in couple months.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 19:16:55 2018 No.12087551

>>12086180
Post read and acknowledged, but every time I see my exgf walking down the street or standing at the bus stop I end up making a sadpost that evening
I wish I could put a gun in her hands and ask her to fucking shoot me, but she probably wouldn't do it out of spite the bitch

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 19:35:02 2018 No.12087630 Update: it's started to snow. Very small, dry flakes at the moment. Like little pebbles of ice instead of real snow.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 20:30:12 2018 No.12087817 No one will ever give a damn about what I write. My stuff will never be published. I will never be like Bede or Pepys or anyone. No one will care and climate change will kill us all.

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:02:48 2018 No.12087967

>>12077913
I really don't want to be called a commie because i'am not (trust me i live in a ex commie shithole) but it feels like capitalism is the death of virtue, almost liked it morphed from being just an economic system to being able to dictate morals and ethics

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:08:01 2018 No.12087991 >>12078919 If you can tell, you're not retarded.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:10:49 2018 No.12088008 >>12079406 absolutely based, agree completely, fuck imaginary scenarios when there is only now and masks

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:13:49 2018 No.12088022 >>12079821 Look up "internal colonialism"

Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:16:49 2018 No.12088036
File: 94 KB, 950x513, this shit.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I just randomly remembered that our elementary school replaced a good half of our PE curriculum with this fucking cup stacking bullshit, we would literally all sit on the floor of the gym for two hours and practice stacking the cups in the weird pattern they dictated, we even had a bunch of weighted metal "training" cups that were supposed to improve your times somehow. We had a school-wide competition for the fastest time, and a few people got really obsessive with trying for the world record. Only now have I realized how insane the entire thing was. Did any other anons experience this shit?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:18:54 2018 No.12088046 >>12088036 this was a big thing for millenials. A rainy day PE activity. It was a retro meme probably 4 years ago.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:27:07 2018 No.12088094 File: 182 KB, 1000x1000, latest.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Horror and humor are the same. Both fundamentally have a victim and deal with ambiguity. Some will find the pic funny and others not.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:28:34 2018 No.12088104 >>12088094 >Both fundamentally have a victim and deal with ambiguity. Who is the victim in absurdist humor?

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:28:51 2018 No.12088105 >>12088094 I find sex and humour similar, because both deal with frontiers in behaviour, constantly challenging the settled patterns in dangerous ways.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:28:54 2018 No.12088107 >>12087551 Yeah I get it and it won't happen overnight, and it's probably still fine to do a sadpost every once in awhile but just make an effort to wean yourself away from this depression pit every so often

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:30:31 2018 No.12088113 >>12088104 Everyone who thinks they're someone.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:31:39 2018 No.12088117 >>12085120 Physicality and real life sure are pieces of shit to come to terms with once you've spent such a long time isolated and reinforced behaviours that keep you living that way.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:34:29 2018 No.12088126 >>12085120 I really hate you anon, you have something beautiful dropped at your feet and you scorn it. I scorn you.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:47:50 2018 No.12088179 >>12085120 Stop jacking off. I did it for literally 1 day and became incredibly enthusiastic about seeing a woman I've been apathetic about.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 21:55:39 2018 No.12088212 >>12088179 >abstaining to get girls not gonna make it. Abstain for the mental gain.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 22:04:32 2018 No.12088251 >>12079821 Stop being a faggot. Seriously

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 22:28:27 2018 No.12088332 >>12085324 Nausea by Sartre >>12085744 Fuck, same.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 23:11:21 2018 No.12088490 File: 55 KB, 480x270, 1542341521.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I'm drinking hot chocolate and watching the first snow of the year pile up outside. We must have a good four inches or so by now.

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 23:30:11 2018 No.12088570 >>12084482 Salty cause mine's higher

>>	Anonymous Thu Nov 15 23:44:16 2018 No.12088621 i really enjoy writing at starbucks, particularly when stoned. i don't care if this makes me a cliche. getting an iced coffee while high on edibles, turning on some music, and sitting on the patio to write is the most fun i ever have.

>>	Anonymous Fri Nov 16 01:20:29 2018 No.12088888 >>12088490 >first snow of the year >four inches Fellow MAsshole?

Anonymous Fri Nov 16 02:44:39 2018 No.12089042

>>12087418
Do you know what it is you're scared of?

Your life is ruled by the kinds of questions you ask. When I've been well in the past I always found myself inspired by the same questions. I can't seem to find where I've written them down (maybe why I'm depressed now).

Here is my attempt to ask the questions that might lead us to answer with a good life.

1. Am I having the most amount of fun I can right now?
2. If the answer is no, then what is stopping you from having fun?
3. Is this the most emotionally appealing thing I can do?
4. Is this the most rational thing I can do?
5. How can I help myself be better than yesterday?

That's about it. I would love for you to come up with more questions for us, but that's really my basic list.
I think there are a lot of different mental approaches to your problem, we just have to try them!

>>	Anonymous Fri Nov 16 02:49:44 2018 No.12089057 >>12087205 >>12087317 Have fun becoming prematurely weathered at a young age, though due to excessive weather exposure...

>>	Anonymous Fri Nov 16 03:05:15 2018 No.12089089 >>12089057 I don't see this aging anyone more than the usual life.

Anonymous Fri Nov 16 03:21:48 2018 No.12089125

>>12089089
Its simple. Being unable to afford things at times due to lack of consistent employment, as a vagabond you won't be able to regularly stay sheltered indoors. This leads to dust, heat, dry cold, pollution and so on eating at your skin more than it would be if you could be indoors more often, you will start to become weathered looking. You also probably won't have bathed much or had your clothes regularly washed, giving you the look people sometimes romanticize about in DnD even of the scraggly halfling thief adventurer.
This is easily observable in the red faces of the homeless beggar population.

>>	Anonymous Fri Nov 16 03:57:48 2018 No.12089193 >>12077913 Thinking a lot about multiversal solipsism lately; where each persons reality overlaps conterminously with each other. It reconciles a lot of philosophical and meta-physical issues I have.

>>	Anonymous Fri Nov 16 05:22:51 2018 No.12089304 >>12085131 damn underrated post

>>	Anonymous Fri Nov 16 07:18:38 2018 No.12089504 >>12080643 I will fully admit I used to be one of these kinds of atheists. It stems from being surrounded by dickhead philistine Christians, but I grew out of it.

>>	Anonymous Fri Nov 16 08:31:36 2018 No.12089685 >>12080643 Christians are worse. > DUDE ITS MAGIC LOL

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/lit/ - Literature