Write What's On Your Mind

[Anonymous No.11781441]

Have a seat, anon. Or stand if you want. No big deal.

What's on your mind? How are you feeling?

[Anonymous No.11781449]

>>11781441
One must renounce the flesh if he is to ever progress.

[Anonymous No.11781487]

I had a horrible dream.
I was met a girl, a perfect girl, she seemed to be a physical mix of these two girls I used to know, though she was not supposed to be either of them, I did not know her. But she was perfect.
We walked along and talked about books and movies, I made her laugh. She grazed against my arm and held my cold hands.
Then I woke up, nearly on the verge of tears and spent the next two hours rolling around in bed trying to go back. I've been depressed all day due to it.
I haven't felt care or love from another like that in real life before.

[Anonymous No.11781809]

SAME AS IT EVER WAS

[Anonymous No.11781854]

Let me tell a story about my Walmart experience. I was actually just recently thinking about it.

We had a customer that we stopped up front as he had a TV in the cart and it was over $300. I asked to see his receipt and he refused. I insisted as it was a fairly expensive item and it was standard procedure to ask for the receipt upon the customer's exit.

Now I should tell you that this guy was very obviously Muslim. Nothing wrong with that, but it is important later.

So I ask for his receipt and he tells me "you too" and begins to walk off. I hollered "sir, please may I see your receipt? It's just standard practice." He turned around and had one of the scariest looks I have ever seen. He walked back to me with receipt in hand and said "Youre the reason why."

He crumpled up the receipt and threw it in my face and walked out. Now he had paid with a credit card so his name was on the receipt. His name? Osama Bin Laden. The date? 9/10/2001.

I'll never forget it. I had the bastard and I let him go.

[Anonymous No.11781905]

I am in a deep state of depression, but I don’t want to get better.

[Anonymous No.11781948]

>>11781487
Since we're on the subject of dreams. I've noticed I've been having these beguiling subspecies of dream where the dream is an exactly plausible scenario. I dream, for instance, of totally mundane events featuring people I work or interact with on a regular basis. They tell me information in a matter of fact day to day basis, and then when I wake up, I'm briefly unsure whether what they told me and the encounter we had was real or in a dream.

I am then faced with the prospect of a corrupted memory bank, in which my own unconscious self-inserted faulty information passing as valid recollections.

I've never had these kinds of dreams before and I wonder what they say about the state of my brain. If your brain is in a certain configuration does it then translate into certain kinds of dreams?

When I am lonely and depressed, I notice that my dreams tend to be vivid and ripe. They are colorful, poetic, cinematic. They dance and bleed. They are infused with spirit and potency, as if to compensate for the weary dullness of my sad waking life.

Dreams are a curious phenomenon indeed.

[Anonymous No.11781962]

>>11781905

As an alcoholic, I understand. I can't write without the sauce. I can't feel close to other people without it. It wasn't like I could before. I just need that atom or whatever. I'm drunk now. I'm just committed to being this way. I know it's not good for me but if it makes me a better person in society, then I'd rather be a good person and die sooner than be my normal, bitter self and live longer.

[Anonymous No.11781994]

Holy shit, is gaiaonline terrible. I know, any one of you could have told me that, but my GOD. I decided to go back there to see what discussions were like because I wanted to do music requests for people like I did years ago. I'm glad I never stuck to it. So much identity politics, so much delusion, so much vanity, so trash. I've been trying to argue with them all day and it's just a drop of water in a giant ocean, no one responds to my criticisms, but I still see a feint glimpse of hope in it through the few others ideas. All in all, a huge waste of my day. Fuck gaiaonline.

[Anonymous No.11782014]

>>11781962
This is me but with marijuana. I haven't smoked any in a couple days now and all I've done is lie in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours on end. Chemical addiction is a bitch.

[Anonymous No.11782062]

The future of gender relations is looking really bleak. I honestly think some form of "incel rebellion" (whatever people want to refer to it as) is more likely than some kind of race war at this point. I only see things getting worse over the next decade.

[Anonymous No.11782071]

>>11782062

[Anonymous No.11782075]

Are there any other websites or forums you guys visit regularly? Somewhere that has quality discussion and isn't mostly dead? Everyone here makes fun of Reddit but I don't see any mention of alternatives. I spend too much time on this place and I feel like it's making me more and more toxic.

[Anonymous No.11782112]

>>11782075
No, not really for forums of discussion. The thing about anonymous boards is that the idea being portrayed by a poster is most the unfiltered. One comes to their own conclusion from a post based on the post alone and not the owner, through whatever fancy point system or face or name, just the post.
I'll go on reddit and see a comment that I already expect all the time at the top, like a hivemind. It's weird. 4chan is still the best for me.

[Anonymous No.11782118]

>>11782014

Yeah. I go back and forth from hating being foggy and dizzy all the time to not believing I'm worthy of having good short term memory. My brain is already fucked up to begin with I guess. I don't know.

[Anonymous No.11782142]

>>11782075
RateYourMusic has a lot of interesting philosophy and literature discussion.

[Anonymous No.11782153]

>>11781962
grow da fuck up and put down the booze

[Anonymous No.11782154]

I wonder if the fact that looking at the lyrics of a songs sucks out the magic of it tells us something important about how mental conceptions shape our experience. Just to give an example, I started eating lunch recently at a place that plays tons of classic rock and pop, and with stuff like Bohemian Rhapsody I would zone out because I have truly exhausted that song over time to nothing, whereas I heard something new to me that I really liked (A BeeGees song), and each listen had that same magic to it until I paid more attention and identified what drew me in so much (a beautiful pre-chorus in this case), and immediately after that the impact was gone. It's like the mind forms a direct interpretation of that song, so that next time you hear it, it tends more and more towards that interpretation until everything else about it is disregarded.

Perhaps a subtler form of that happens all the time, in everything we do. Who knows?

[Anonymous No.11782166]

>>11782062
lmao, the incel rebellion will just be a bunch of omegas skipping school to play nexus ops

[Anonymous No.11782266]

>>11781948
>I dream, for instance, of totally mundane events featuring people I work or interact with on a regular basis. They tell me information in a matter of fact day to day basis,
My dreams have always been like this. I've always wanted to big crazy dreams but they're always very normal

[Anonymous No.11782274]

Death is somewhat comforting, not as an immediacy, but as the idea that we have much to do in our short time. If we knew ourselves to be immortal, what point would there be in building yourself, because you want to make as much impact on the world before you go. If we were immortal, we would eventually kill each other, keep certain people around forever, and progress would stagnate tremendously. New people bring forth new ideas almost as law. If only the same people ever existed on Earth, forever, you couldn't experience new people. You would eventually know everyone. Death is necessary for change.

[Anonymous No.11782316]

/lit/ is now full of pseudophilosophical hucksters who have seen what kind of low-grade prestige can be acquired by regurgitating half-comprehended jargon from some notoriously opaque philosopher

i keep wishing one or two of them would be any good, but instead it's a constant flow of dilettante faggots pretending to be hegel or deleuze experts and well-intending posters feeding the narcissism by asking for reading recommendations. that guy doesn't have any reading recommendations, he's a fucking moron who doesn't understand the material in the first place.

not one serious conversation ever. just people spouting systems and references at each other that they are interested in, and somewhat familiar with, but with no systematic understanding. the rare few people with systematic understanding are dogmatic, pedantic faggots who have some gay misplaced smugness over having memorized the academic consensus party line, but studied nothing beyond that.

i just want to see one metaphysically talented person who also has an open mind. it's either shallow narcissists, pedantic faggots, or cultists. there's something common to all these people that i can almost see well enough to describe it but not quite. something about the foregone conclusion that the result of reading deleuze or hegel is that you "become deleuzian" or "become hegelian" which is a prestigious sage-like vocation and now you're entitled to pontificate about it and everyone has to grovel for reading recs. that foregone conclusion makes everybody think in terms of "am i the sage yet? am i the cool sage guy yet?" instead of just actually reading and understanding, and more importantly learning what true understanding looks like.

this place is still a good aggregator for trendy recommendations, mostly for the sake of quickly diagnosing the latest flash in the pan as a flash in the pan, but there's no actual discourse going on on the board proper. just different people roleplaying as gurus and agreeing not to break kayfabe.

[Anonymous No.11782332]

I really hate niggers...

[Anonymous No.11782352]

I got invited over for drinks by some people I vaguely know. I was happy to get to go out, but it quickly turned into sitting in a sweltering apartment and yelling while terrible electronic music blared in the background. I wasn't very upset when the neighbors complained and we were forced to disperse. Then I walked home and made coffee and sat and listened to jazz.

I really miss having friends you could just hang around with and talk to for the whole night. I want people I have a connection with, not just ones I hang around to laugh at their inebriation.

I'm very lonely.

[Anonymous No.11782358]

>>11781449
test

[Anonymous No.11782360]

I feel fantastic, thank you for asking OP. I'm elated to be here divulging all my naughty thoughts with the good people of this fine board.

[Anonymous No.11782364]

>>11780449
>ok anon so you're applying to be a loan officer?
>but it says here you think money, and money lending in particular are tools the bourgeoise use to exploit the labor of the proletariat?
>and then a big further down it says you support "seizing all the property those capitalist pigs have stolen and liberating it for the workers?"
>and a bit further I see some references to guillotining "those capitalist bloodsuckers?" You do know I hold quiet a bit of stock in this institution, don't you?
>care to explain anon?

[Anonymous No.11782375]

You lie in the same bed as the rest of us faggots. Get off this board if we're all such faggots you whiny bitch. "You see it for what it is" but you don't. This might as well be copypasta at this point with the amount of posts that look exactly like this in these threads.

[Anonymous No.11782380]

>>11782375
>>11782316

[Anonymous No.11782392]

>>11781441
I ponder, with some emotional concoction of and fear and acceptance, the rote infinitum of my existence.

[Anonymous No.11782395]

>>11781905
It's comfy. I look back on my long while with depression, and I feel mostly this terrible nostalgia and longing.

[Anonymous No.11782428]

>>11782316
>complaining about it instead of feeding them bogus recommendations and absolute nonsense you've constructed on the fly

[Anonymous No.11782585]

>>11782316
jesus that was a good rant.

[Anonymous No.11782672]

>>11782316
>>11782332
There are two kinds of people in this world...

[Anonymous No.11782784]

i hate my room mates but i don't have enough money to move alone.They fucking drive me nuts,they don't clean after themselves and are 100% NPCs,like for real you can't have any kind of conversation with them.

[Anonymous No.11782801]

>>11781948
I relate with this 100%. I always dream of having normal conversations with my friends and I never know whats real or not. This is made even more confusing by the fact that I work at night and sleep at odd times during the day, often being woken up by my friends calling me.

Its fucking weird.

[Anonymous No.11783126]

>>11782801
>tfw I do this but it's always with friends I haven't seen in years and miss terribly
I'm torn between wanting it to stop and fully embracing it as a real experience I should cherish

[Anonymous No.11783544]

>>11782352
Wow do I know that feel. It’s only going to get worse as I get older too

[Anonymous No.11783631]

>>11781441
I quit my job and left home, and wasted the last two months of my life having a series of misfortunes and making sudden emotional decisions. I am hoping it will be over soon. I sort of want to just die, as the whole ordeal has been humiliating and nightmarish, and my life is just a mess with no real future. Bad trauma in childhood, broken family, cold and lonely early adulthood, homosexual, ugly, threw away everything good I had in the hopes of just reclaiming some time temporarily.

All I really want is to spend time working on my own projects using some of my savings, but I can't even get to that situation yet. But working in a corporate office was killing me. I feel fatter, stupider, and more scared about life after working for a couple years. Not doing anything. Not learning anything. Just watching my 20s disappear in exchange for numbers. People say the bible is the greatest work of fiction, but by far the true greatest work of fiction is money.

When trying to get somewhere in life there is the evolutionary, safe, smart, patient view where you save your pennies, collect your dividends, and slowly build your empire... and the revolutionary, risky, impulsive one where you could just lose everything for an unknown upside. And I am a fucking idiot I guess, so I'm trying to do the latter.

[Anonymous No.11783640]

I'm probably going to die a virgin. Not a good feeling tbqh

[Anonymous No.11783719]

>>11781441
Most of the people I talk to are just friendly acquaintances, no friends or lovers. I even feel to some degree alienated from my family. All talk is superficial, awkward, the whole ordeal. no real connection, just shallowness. It’s mostly my fault, I’m an introvert at hearth, I dislike being social. Things are getting better tho, I’m forcing myself into social situations. I join all the big parties, hang out occasionally with someone from my school. The only man I have had a good honest conversation with is my therapist, but the dude gets paid for it so whatever. Always a general feeling of Ennui.

[Anonymous No.11783750]

>>11781441
I bet all of you loners here would get along and perhaps even find life long friends if you met each other.
Not me thought, I find pleasure in the bittersweet loneliness.

[Anonymous No.11783803]

>>11781854
Lel

[Anonymous No.11783812]

>>11782062
Lay off the r9k friend. I’m saying this kindness and empathy in my heart.

[Anonymous No.11783823]

A month ago, in the most anguish time of my tragedy (but not the lowest point), when I was begging mutely in the middle of the street for a kind demonstration of human gentleness, the only ones who dared to come near to me was a little flock of tiny yellow birds. They surrounded me, sang to me, hopped with their tiny legs. They stayed with me until I stopped crying and begging for mankind. In the worst moments of my life, nature is the one who showed, lacking compassion, missericordy, pity or emphaty, it was just nature hanging out with me without proporsitions or condescendences, just the color and the sound.

[Anonymous No.11783835]

>>11782316
Lol I’m not even into philosophy, I just like reading fiction, literature as a pastime not a lifestyle. Also the supposed superiority you mentioned could only fly online or with uneducated randos. Try appearing all intellectual without the requisite understanding and people who actually know their shit will cut you to pieces with a single sentence. I’ve seen it happen, it’s hilarious. I mostly just hang out here because I love the anonymous format and /lit/ has the best shitposts/other boards are boring. I’m deeply sorry if I’m ruining your experience with my lack of knowledge and passion for philosophy

[Anonymous No.11783840]

>>11781441
descartes ruined western philosophy, but it was already shit before that because religion and philosophy are inherently retarded. It is very freeing to finally realize that all of this is nothing but a giant amalgamation of unbsubstantiated metaphor

not to be a stemfag either, that is also largely arbitrary bullshit

i have reached a level of pyrrhonic ambiguity i thought impossible which has sent me into a sort of sleep mode of existence where everything is pared back into a very concrete and full awareness, though simple, and there is a dreamworld scintillating just on the outside of what i can see

yet even this designation is subject to laughter in its totally baseless choice of foundational concepts or even images, everything is just a gay non-thing that cant be made sense of or verified, everything is in fact immensely entertaining

the only thing i am really aware of atm is that if i put my head in a certain position and breathe a certain way my headache goes away, and i have vague plans to paint something today, to do with a scorpion embedded in a large interconnected thing

[Anonymous No.11783854]

>>11781948
My dreams have been like this for years now. I’m so envious of people that have cool surreal dreams.

[Anonymous No.11783876]

>>11783823
Unironically beautiful. Pretentious as fuck but still nice.

[Anonymous No.11783896]

>>11781948
Following this subject. I had a really vivid dream eight years ago.
I woke up in the middle of a swamp area. Few meters away there is a group of people surrounding a muddy pond. They seem to be waiting for me, and I approach to them. We make a circle around the pond, hold hands and jump inside. I can feel my lungs getting filled with mud, but suddenly I realise I can't die here, so I try to calm down. The next, years? centuries? seconds?, I can't explain how many time, but we travel throught beings, one of them is the one with more impact. I am seeing a gruesome war, horses around, blood and shootings from old guns. At first I thought we were inside a soldier, but then I realise we are a lonely patch of grass in the middle of a battlefield. We travelled throught at least ten existences. One of my most impactful dreams.

[Anonymous No.11783936]

>mfw trying to understand philosophy
i hate being so dumb

[Anonymous No.11784001]

>>11781948
I have a reoccurring dream where I'm arguing with my mom and she's calling me a piece of shit and that I should kill myself

[Anonymous No.11784033]

>>11782316
i am mildly amused by this rant

[Anonymous No.11784045]

>>11781487
>>11781948
Does anyone have any recommendations for books written about dreams or dream interpretation?

[Anonymous No.11784047]

>>11783640
real talk, sex is sex. you may think you want to be in love with someone or at least be dating them but nah, a hooker will do the job just fine. the obvious answer, if you have 200 extra bux a week, get a hooker every weekend

[Anonymous No.11784053]

>>11783840
>subject to laughter
only good part of your post. and only the phrase of it, not the context

[Anonymous No.11784055]

>>11782316
blame girardfag

[Anonymous No.11784057]

>>11784047
This, but maybe not the hooker part. Keep ur v card, it's sacred. Women might not think it, but you can win one over by telling them you were waiting on someone meaningful. This is up to your own interpretation, obviously.

[Anonymous No.11784058]

>>11784045
start with freud and jung

[Anonymous No.11784063]

>>11784053
i dont care at all what you think though

[Anonymous No.11784066]

>>11781487
>talking about movies

sounds like a nightmare desu

[Anonymous No.11784075]

>>11781441
I think I'll just kill myself with sleeping pills or something when I hit 30, which is in 3 years.

Wasted 10 years doing nothing, being a NEET and parasite to my parents.

[Anonymous No.11784079]

>>11784063
nor do i care what you think. i'm only posting to fulfill my vanity

[Anonymous No.11784091]

>>11784047
>>11784057
having sex with a hooker doesn't really count for me. it's more about having another human want to have me without me having to pay them.

[Anonymous No.11784096]

i think my writing is bad and my stories are dumb but i will write regardless

[Anonymous No.11784115]

>>11783640
Same here, but for me sometimes it's actually kind of a good feeling.

but it's mostly a bad feeling.

[Anonymous No.11784117]

>>11784091
if that's the case you gotta work out and get friends. the only things that matter for initial attraction are looks and social charm

[Anonymous No.11784146]

>>11782316
You're not better than them by being the guy who 'really sees it for what it really is' haha i'm here standing in the rain while YOU faggots laugh at me for being different, but i'm laughing at you for being all the same...
If they're all dilletante faggots, and you have the knowledge to know that they are so, then i'm sure you could show where they're wrong and share your understanding of the subject, right? If you don't have enough knowledge or you're one of those 'implyin i care about it enough lmao nigger then you're just as much of a burden as they are. It's like those faggots who complain about how the board doesn't talk about literature, but they themselves don't talk about literature, don't bump literature threads and have nothing to add in the rare good posts.

[Anonymous No.11784184]

>>11784146
>>11784146
>lmao nigger
you know, for all the responses to that guy's post, yours included, he still sounds 200% more fluent than any of you p-spergs

[Anonymous No.11784192]

I've got a week until the biggest test of my life, and I can't afford to fail. Wish me luck.

[Anonymous No.11784200]

>>11784117
I do have friends and, well, I used to work out. It's just that I don't go with my friends to bars and clubs and stuff because 1. they embarrass me 2. I'm embarrassed by myself to think of myself as a hunter of women while I'm in the act. Seducing someone just seems so fake and quite frankly stressful.

[Anonymous No.11784203]

>>11784192
lol I failed to get into University 8 fucking times in 8 fucking test over 8 fucking years

it gets easier when you just lose and lose at life time and time again bud

Wish I just fucking died when I sleep

[Anonymous No.11784216]

>>11784200
it's not about seducing anybody, it's about both of you wanting to fuck each other, and being aware that the other does as well, and you naturally just go do it. There doesn't have to be any 'game' to it, it just happens.

And it's not just about having sex it's more like you see each other and you are both like 'i want to be around you' and you can tell it's mutual, even if that would be initially just talking or kissing, and that inevitably progresses into sex.

[Anonymous No.11784218]

>>11784146
It seems that the most important thing for humans is to be better than others.

[Anonymous No.11784236]

>>11784218
Somewhat true. I like to think of it as being better than myself in the past in relation to what others might think. For myself. Kind of contradictory but it works.

[Anonymous No.11784277]

>>11784236
At least you try. But most people are focussed in being better than others because they know how utterly shit they are. Having the ability to tie themselves and control others who are going to protect their opinions is the best way of cheating yourself about your deep failures.

[Anonymous No.11784307]

Friday night (at least for euros), time to get fucked up. Or at least a bit more fucked up than on weeknights.

Also made a bit of progress editing my novel today. I hit a section that didn't need much revision at all, which was nice because I basically rewrote the entire first part it was so bad.

Also I miss my crush, I'm sure she's out having a great time right now. I'd like to think that she thinks of me from time to time, but I really doubt she does. The five months we didn't speak between when we last had a friendly moment and when I finally told her I couldn't do this anymore and she needed to gtfo of my life don't suggest I'm on her mind very much. Fuck.

[Anonymous No.11784321]

Do you think all our suffering is a product of ignorance? I half hope so.

[Anonymous No.11784332]

I can't help but feel like everyone else but me is a great human being. I know it's hard from the truth but I just can't avoid it, I'm always awed at how beautiful people are. The other day I was talking to a friend and he talked about how he had an emotional breakdown and spent the night crying, I felt deep admiration for his vulnerability and saw myself as a dried out and cold husk of a human being. Then I was chatting with a random girl and she mentioned how all novels, no matter how trashy, can be dissected to get to an understanding of a deeper part of humanity. Even though this was a pretty obvious statement and nothing groundbreaking, I still felt like just thinking that when you haven't received any higher education and are just some random person was incredible. Meanwhile I'm an unimaginative asshole trying to obssesively build myself into a respectable human being, studying languages, learning about music and literature, trying to learn how to draw, pursuing a career in college. I feel like I'm just not enough, and I'm not worthy of love, and even though I logically understand this to not be the case, I still can't help it.

[Anonymous No.11784350]

>>11784332
Define love.

[Anonymous No.11784358]

One begins to understand how/why many great authors were alcoholics once the self becomes alcoholic. The words flow heavy staining the page. Though I may soberly be a poor writer, once inebriated words found deep down seem to pour out easily. Truth becomes easier to say; as is said that man finds his truth in drunkenness. Always trust an alcoholic (men, at least).
The only other trick I'm yet to find is not falling asleep before I write anything of substance. GOodnight

[Anonymous No.11784360]

>>11784350
All definitions apply

[Anonymous No.11784371]

>>11784358
it is crazy how the words flow when drinking I agree. I think you should write sober as well, even if it is a vaguer, more arduous process, it creates things you couldn't do when drinking.

[Anonymous No.11784379]

>>11784358
>>11784371
My best works always comes from despair. While drinking I just think everything I say is amazing, and later and with a clear mind I realize it lacks any value or sense.

[Anonymous No.11784380]

I easily get tricked into thinking that everyone is an idealist.

[Anonymous No.11784392]

>>11784358
I can't focus enough while drunk to write much, but I have taken to staying up for extended periods of time in order to write. It's a similar thing to being drunk, just not as severe. An old friend also told me being tired and being drunk are neurologically similar, but I don't know if that's true or not.

[Anonymous No.11784407]

Iv'e been plagues by delusions of grandeur over the course of the past decade. Now i can't work to improve myself at all without feeling horrible about it and i'm convinced anyone who's successful is just a madman who ignored obvious failure.

[Anonymous No.11784426]

What about halva with turmeric? Does it clash with the sweetness to much? Thoughts?

[Anonymous No.11784433]

>>11784379
i really like the shit i write when im drunk, its like it's another person. To be fair my writing is not the best, i only have shown it to some friends and gfs. I wouldnt ever try to get published

But just for my own enjoyment, and the people around me, the drinking poems are often quite interesting.

[Anonymous No.11784436]

>>11784407
Succesful to whom and about what? Go and see the most popular and famous actress in Hollywood, then go and see her fanbase. Would you really want that type of success? Is pretty depressing.

[Anonymous No.11784438]

>>11784433
>the drinking poems are often quite interesting.
Post one.

[Anonymous No.11784452]

>>11784436
Anyone who's particularly good at any one thing and makes a living off it. I can't judge myself objectively so i feel i have limitations that will not allow me to be good at, coincidentally, everything i want to do.

[Anonymous No.11784466]

>>11784438
i dont really want to because a lot of the people on here are assholes and I dont want to associate my poetry, which is my favorite thing in my life, with their sarcasm and snide remarks and unwillingness to engage

It is a sort of sacred thing to me, it is the only way i can understand reality, in its kind of obscure panoply of feeling and image, with no real statements like in philosophy and religion, and I show it mostly to people that I love.

[Anonymous No.11784471]

>>11784466
Just post it and close this thread then

[Anonymous No.11784621]

>>11784184
That was him doing a straw man of his impression of that guy

[Anonymous No.11784754]

>>11784466
If you cannot handle the criticism of a bunch of random text on an anonymous Cantonese basket weaving forum, then it is not meant to be seen yet. You must submit to the idea "This is shit, but there is some wisdom in others opinions that could tell me why." There is merit in keeping it yours, maybe it will grow on its own. That it will have some staying power, or you know its not finished yet. I still look forward to the day you decide to share it when you find the right time.

[Anonymous No.11784983]

im very dunrk
tihs is my life now

[Anonymous No.11784989]

>>11783750
if that's true, then why are you telling us?

[Anonymous No.11785000]

>>11784754
>then it is not meant to be seen yet.
it is not meant to be seen at all, except by me and the people around me.

i dont view poetry as being about completed works, each poem is for me but a part of a giant tapestry of poetry, which is not all my poetry but all the poetry which speaks to me regardless of who writes it. it is just another world that you delve into every time you write something, that world the connection to that world, that is what matters, not the poem

i cannot understand what i write or make sense of it, and it is hard for me to edit- when i edit i somteimes end up making an entirely new poem out of the corpse of the old one, which strikes me as somehow wrong, so i dont edit except very small phrase or word changes.

tbqh it is more like therapy or a religious thing than making art.

[Anonymous No.11785009]

>>11785000
Would you share them on a one-on-one basis over email? I write poetry under a similar philosophy to your own, I'd love to read your stuff.

[Anonymous No.11785014]

>>11785009
yeah sure, it may make no sense though without context

[Anonymous No.11785024]

Is this a containment thread for women?

[Anonymous No.11785034]

>>11785024
You're post proved it.

[Anonymous No.11785038]

>>11785024
not until you showed up

[Anonymous No.11785264]

>>11785014
>[e-mail]
do email me anon

[Anonymous No.11785350]

I have a few things I am pretty good at like interacting with other people, musical instruments (even though I don't practice ever) but I feel like my best potential is in writing. I really want to put something meaningful out there one day but I worry about actually finishing. If I don't get at least one real novel published I think I would feel unfulfilled in my life. The prose or style may not be perfect but the imagination is there.
I want to make life better for my close family and I think this may be my only real avenue towards that. And the idea of being totally forgotten to the world sucks pretty hard.

[Anonymous No.11785365]

My english teacher recommended the class a book by trevor noah called "Born a Crime" (the new guy who runs the daily show on comedy central) and while i'm very much not a fan of his comedy (let's just insult trump every 5 minutes), it is actually a neat little read as it portrays life in south africa right as apartheid ended and the effects of it. I am speeding through it however so i can get back to reading dubliners and then some tolstoy short stories.
I need to stop buying video games only for them to sit on shelves.

[Anonymous No.11785949]

My life is completely mundane, I spend countless hours listening to musical jargon and philosophical books trying to grasp what living truly is. I really don't ask for anything special, just the feeling of living through something with a complete beginning, middle and end. Whilst also enjoying the feeling of content, no matter what the subject of my misadventures are.

[Anonymous No.11786106]

Whenever I get somewhat good at something I get bored of it, I know I will never be somewhat of a success.

[Anonymous No.11786113]

Boku-tachi ga Yarimashita is really good.

[Anonymous No.11786286]

I am going to start taking my nook simple touch to work so I can read at work instead of working

[Anonymous No.11786291]

>>11785949
Have kids

[Anonymous No.11786823]

I don't know why I drink.

[Anonymous No.11786831]

>>11784358
I've been drunk before. Also high and tripping. The addled mind should not be voiced.

[Anonymous No.11786846]

>>11785949
stop listening to books, and read them

[Anonymous No.11786861]

>>11786831
>no books written by addled minds are good
anon, that's got to be the stupidest shit i've heard all day

[Anonymous No.11786899]

>>11786861
name three

[Anonymous No.11786908]

>>11784989
Because this is what was on my mind

[Anonymous No.11786990]

>>11781905
>>11781962
>>11782014
>>11782118
Man I completely understand you guys. I haven't felt normal (sober) in years

[Anonymous No.11787208]

This night of mine.

While my eyes ponder upon the swampness of the night I reflect upon how restless I used to be, thinking about when will the mysteries of it's wild darkness, the unfathomable dance that that occurs behind the cutrains will reveal on it's true self to me. But as ever it doesn't show anything, and all of those expectations just melt into it, leaving only traces on the surface of what once was the beautiful edificies of my own hopes. And as I realize the magnitude of my lost, looking at how all of my plans and dreams just merge with the armonic nothingness I see my own foolishness, how much of an idiot I was because I never realized that the night was talking to me, to my own wild darkness, to the dances that never were because of how stupid I was for reading too much into it's black mirror. And the more I look, the more it hurts, and despite how much it hurts I can't stop looking at it. I need to find it again, something, anything that can give me back what I lost. And it's hurts more and more, but just can't stand to stop looking at it, as a bad habit, or maybe becuase I can't live without it. And it just keep getting worse and worse, and at some point it just tears me appart.

And I just shatter. Just so there's nothing, just to stop feeling this need to keep looking at it. To stop hurting myself, but also because there's nothing to look at and I know it, but it's just so hard to shatter. To let go of my precious reflection.

As I place my sight upon the horizon, I can still see the night in front of me. And it's cracked right in the middle, like an sledgehammer just broke it with rage, and I can distinguish the glass from the clay that pours from it's hole. And now I'm free to take this unexpected treasure in my hands, to shape it as I place. And maybe, as a bad habit, I will shape it after that wild darkness oh so dear to me, but meanwhile I will not forget to dance in rejoice because of this night of mine.

[Anonymous No.11787216]

>>11781441
THe coldness is calling. I like it in silence and solitude but i think Dosto said something about "man is endlessly adaptable and that is the best definition of him" in house of the dead. Either way, tempestuous feels are coming in lately, might need a way to quell them but feeling feels is pretty satisfying, not sure if it's conducive to the living of life though. Is mana the same as anti-mana? Is it really true that you can set your life on course with nothing else but an image of a compass returning to its origin?

the chans can germinate some strange ideas, we are different than any race that came before but surely there's some perennial sameness

[Anonymous No.11787255]

>>11784358
>Always trust an alcoholic (men, at least)
go fuck yourself

[Anonymous No.11787373]

>smacks lips
arghhh, Anon, the finest Labradorian girl was purchased and bred to divine this wonderful serum...
>sips delicately
the pH levels: perfecto mundo. the crispness: at LEAST a nine. the tang: audacious.
>swishes
O' ye gods! i-is that...
>inserts nose and snorts
Mountain Dew she was raised on? Ah, I can see her now, inside her basement, playing Fortnite...
>licks cracked salty lips
Rrregal [rolling r's]. The palate is in thrrroes of ecstasy, my dear

[Anonymous No.11787375]

>>11784358
>"alcoholism makes me more interesting" meme

Only a drunkard would believe this.

[Anonymous No.11787408]

Went to the doctor today
She said I need therapy

[Anonymous No.11787483]

I wonder what sort of future the world is moving towards. Today my friend told me that tech companies like google are working on devices to automatically translate any spoken language into another, theoretically enabling dialogue between people of all different cultures. This seems on the one hand utopian—the gulf of language that separates the world could be bridged by the raw power of computers, essentially a cybernetic extra brain. It could lead to a new level of understanding, and open up so much that was previously closed off to so many. But on the other hand, it seems like that ostensible benefit could also be its downfall. The world developed out of material conditions that caused languages to be shaped the way that they are, emergent from the regions, people, resources, that all once existed in a certain places and times. Increasingly it seems like technology strips away these materially situated differences, and flattens everything out into one “neutral” monoculture. Neutral being in quotes because it isn’t actually neutral—it comes from western, capitalist companies that we take for granted as being impartial, but at the end of the day they uphold the many of the values that keeps the whole system running. And if these people are calling the shots, and put something out there that shrinks the world, or rather erases the remaining traces of unique culture out in the world, what will be left? Culture worldwide will be reduced to iPhones, coca cola, the western products that have become the new icons of our time. Meaning derives from community, from culture, from language (language being itself a manifestation of a culture’s specific material roots, the content of its meaning translatable but its form, and essence, unique). With no distinctions between languages, there is no meaning. Meaning is replaced by the endless march of capital, the relentless pursuit of greater and greater profit through exploitation until the cheap resources inevitably dry out. Capitalism is literally a cancer on this earth, a machine that will wipe out culture, and possibly all life as we know it, if it is not stopped. As Benjamin says, fascism aestheticizes politics, and communism politicizes art. By the same token, in a less slogan-worthy way, capitalism drains the world of meaning, flattening everything out into a machine-minded monoculture that removes all difference, all imperfection, all spices of life. Language, art, cultural specificity, all create meaning, in defiance of the forces of capitalism. But it seems to be losing the fight.

[Anonymous No.11787489]

>>11787483
There are signs that make the victory of technocapitalism seem inevitable—Aspergers is a genetic mutation that makes people more like machines—see Jeremy Bentham, or all of the 17th century British scientists who invented the Royal Society and the modern institution of science, or the aspergers-heavy STEM departments. Their logic-rich, empathy-poor minds are literally made to interface better with cold unfeeling machines, and most human emotions are alien to them. I don’t claim to know the causation, but they seem to be harbingers of an accelerationist future run entirely by automation, mechanization, and rationalization, devoid of the emotional sparks that drive what we have up until now understood to be humanity. We’re at a strange point of transition now, where we can still see the remains of a once vibrant culture slowly slipping away, being supplanted by the tech monoculture that the future is hurtling towards. The question is whether it’s too late for those of us still breathing, who look around and see the tremendous loss happening all around us every time some unique aspect of the world is usurped by the cold machine of neoliberal capitalism, to do anything to stop it. My only hope is that we can change the consciousness around the march of technology, through art, reverse-engineering the channels of representation that shape people’s thinking. But most times, this feels like very wishful thinking.

[Anonymous No.11787569]

I nig. If that makes sense

[Anonymous No.11787591]

>>11787483
Insightful post anon

[Anonymous No.11787610]

>>11784192
please fail

[Anonymous No.11787748]

I had a friend who was a part of an American dynasty. Old money, and I was extremely close to a few of them, I came from a lower class family, my single mother made 40k a year, so befriending and even impressing these people was hugely important to my self esteem as I was growing up.
I dreamt that I was at their house at night. It was time to go to sleep, so I went to the first available room. Worried that it was occupied, I let out a faint whisper. There was no answer. I turned on the light and saw a slight lump in bed. The first thing I thought, was that a newborn was suffocating under the comforter. I threw off the bedsheets and found a lamp with a sprite bottle screwed onto where the bulb should be. I fell asleep next to the lamp.
The next morning I was having coffee in the outer room. A group of Norwegian businessmen harassed me. This seems absurd but it was common in the waking world to run into groups of businessmen at their house. They kept asking why I was allowed to sleep in the "#1" room. I looked at the door to the room I had slept in. It had a #1 written on the top.
I told them that I had no idea what this meant, I simply went to bed there, and that I was a guest of the family's.
I saw an East Asian business man walk out of the #2 room. Following him was the daughter, my friends sister, the girl I fell in love with when I was 16.
The East Asian man threw some money down on the table, motioning to me. My ex-girlfriend simply waved at me and smiled, walking away with the East Asian businessman.
The Norwegian men looked at me in disbelief. They all apologized and agreed that I truly was the "#1" man.
That was the end of the dream.

I could have followed my girlfriend to college in Utah, but I really needed the in-state tuition. So I broke up with her. On the beach, in Mexico, she was talking to me, after shots and shots of tequila, that she wanted to have children with me after we grew up, and I remember telling her we couldn't raise them like I was raised, she couldn't suffocate them with love like my mother had to me, we had to teach them the hard truths. That was the night she had first heard about her best friend dying, the ex-girlfriend of her cousin who was also my best friend. Suicide was common in our hometown. I had known older people who had gone out that way, but that was the first person that I had seriously known in my peer group to die in a hideous way. She was beside herself that night in Mexico. I kept getting her to drink the sprite, but she just kept puking and crying, as if the grief, and not the tequila, had pushed her stomach over the edge. I told her, "Honey drink the sprite," but she said back to me, "It's all dark, It's all dark." The next morning I told her that I would do anything I could to bring her back to the states (her parents wouldn't do anything unless the tickets were booked in advance). Through a few miracles, I was able to get us back to Texas by the end of the afternoon.

[Anonymous No.11787770]

>>11787483
>>11787489
We need a neo-luddite movement, not any ted kazinzki type shit, but i think a lot of people might see some romance in smashing oculus rifts, sex bots, and server networks with hammers

[Anonymous No.11787790]

Everyone thinks I'm dumber than I am because they have to explain me somehow. I feel for them. I'm not dumb, but they deserve to not understand. For their own benefit, they should not know.

[Anonymous No.11787797]

>>11787770
This was written in 1984. If you're a fan, https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/books/97/05/18/reviews/pynchon-luddite.html?utm_campaign=buffer&utm_content=bufferc9133&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com

[Anonymous No.11787866]

>>11787797
cool article thanks for sharing man

[Anonymous No.11788151]

>>11787483
It's not capitalism, I'm not sure why people are so stuck on the meme of capitalism when it is but one thing in the multiplicity of things that constitue the rising complexity of civilization that is tearing apart the normal forms of social organization.

The jet engine and the internet are not capitalism.

This destructive-creative process has been happenign since we first evolved natural language and started our tool-using explosion, and has passed through many complex stages of harmony and strife. Capitalism is just one way of looking at only one part(the economic).

If you want to focus on something focus on technology, but even that would be too reductive, you have to look at all the parts.

[Anonymous No.11788306]

>>11781905
Feel like I've been in a continuous dream state for years now. Ever since I had a really traumatic experience with digestive issues in high school. I was on the verge of death, and they pulled me back. That changed something in my brain and I stopped talking to people, became even more of a loner. I don't even know how I could be anyone else.
Health issues have caused me even more social anxiety because I can't drink alcohol, get smelly too quickly because of my anxiety and digestive problems. I can't seem to find out if I'm narcissistic or just really lonely and searching for something to change myself. Writing things like this feels meaningless as well, it doesn't change anything, and by this time I've written it out so many times I don't really gain much insight by doing it.
>>11783640
I don't care about sex as much as emotional intimacy with a woman. It's not the end all be all of your existence. But having something stable, a support to lean on in this meaningless life, that's what really matters.

[Anonymous No.11788384]

>attempt to understand the history of an important idea
>there are 2-3 factions in almost direct opposition who will tear down the other's arguments the moment you repeat them
>feel like despite your effort you're making no progress figuring it out at all
I'm so sick of situations like these

[Anonymous No.11788411]

>>11788151
globalization must be erradicated

[Anonymous No.11788652]

>>11787489
I feel what you mean, anon. People have so much faith in scientific progress as this linear march towards a brighter future based on obscure visions of advanced AI and UBI that they seem to ignore the real impact of technology on the world, and how we simply don't have the resources to provide a Western way of life to the entire planet, and that this new age of Scientism could very much usher us into a repeat of early settled societies where we come to live almost objectively worse lives for that vague ideal of progress. But while we have traditionally viewed that as a fair compromise for civilization and all of its marvels, if we cannot prevent a repeat of that situation, is it truly worth pushing that machine further?

I feel we really have lost track of the human, and that if we're not actively seeking out better lives for our progenitors across the entire planet, we are wasting our effort. Perhaps people are holding out for some god-tech like huge advances in cancer. Then what? What will we do about the overpopulation? The conflict-ruined Africans? The corporate-enslaved Asians? It seems many people stopped giving a shit about the real world to chase tech fantasies in their head regardless of consequence, and it makes me sick.

[Anonymous No.11788680]

>>11781854
Underrated and saved

[Anonymous No.11789020]

>Ecstasy's genetic depression inflation storms a hesitant century upon the ample sample of a snail-like populates agents of patience.

r8 my novellas first line

[Anonymous No.11789140]

>>11789020
schizo/10

[Anonymous No.11789168]

I'm posting from my kitchen floor. I laid down here about a two hours ago and then fell asleep. I just woke up.

[Anonymous No.11789368]

>>11789168
It's ok anon, I fell asleep in a building I studied in last night and stayed there the whole night.

[Anonymous No.11789377]

>>11788411
>he says while posting on an internet board with an international userbase

[Anonymous No.11790134]

Wrote some flash fiction / a short short story, idk what you’d call it. I’m staying in a comfy village and felt inspired.

Also I have no internet connection here so I’ve been reduced to phoneposting.

[Anonymous No.11790155]

Took some acid yesterday for the first time in years, wrote in my journal just to check my train of thought and handwriting. It's like it's 2 or 3 different people. Had some existential crisis for the day, now I'm pretty much back to normal. I don't really want to touch it again.

[Anonymous No.11790554]

>>11781905
fuel

[Anonymous No.11790731]

I'll probably end up like Bob Slocum. I can feel that mentality vibrating through my bones.

[Anonymous No.11790772]

I'm scared my girlfriend will leave me for a mutual friend. She's a Singaporean poet who's coming to the States next year for college. They text, snap, and write letters often. I know this is irrational but it bothers me. I won't share this fear with either of them.

[Anonymous No.11790797]

>>11790772
Don't date gooks

[Anonymous No.11790817]

I lie for no reason.
I am currently living with my parents in a NEET lifestyle, i told my parents the job interviewer will call me any day now, but its actually me who is supposed to call her. Its only a matter of weeks before they find out. I have always done this in school and stuff, i lie just to avoid so that something "bad" doesn't happen to me in the now. And the thing is i KNOW that the end result will be more than twice as "bad" for me.
God i wish i could just grow up

[Anonymous No.11790838]

>>11790817
Learn to care less

[Anonymous No.11791106]

>>11781441
Family funerals are strange to me.

What is it I'm supposed to feel? Loss? Sadness? I'd already been apart from my father for years, through we had been on good terms all our lives, and I called every Saturday to see if he was doing okay. He never quit smoking. That's what did him in.

The people at his funeral cry and pat each other's shoulder. They offer condolences to my mom, to me, to my brother and sister. For me, at least, it does nothing for me. I don't need their sympathy, and not because I'm spiteful and angry at the lung cancer, but because it doesn't mean anything to me. It wouldn't be moral to accept condolences that you don't take to heart.

I don't understand why these people shuffle about in the way that they do, sniffling and talking in soft tones, like they're all in on some terrible secret that I'm not allowed to know. What do they have that I lack? What do I need to understand their drooping faces and tired eyes? I wish I knew.

I look at my mom. She smiles and gives me a wave. It's probably the hardest for her, but then again, she's probably thinking the same thing about me.

Kinda just wrote this offhand.

[Anonymous No.11791169]

I've been a NEET for about a year after coming down with a pestering chronic illness that has shredded my confidence in all aspects of my life. I can feel the resentment creeping in from all sides. I still have money saved from my last job so I've been thinking of flying to some third world country and becoming a homeless vagabond until my luck/money runs out. The question is where...

[Anonymous No.11791316]

>>11791106
The same happened to me when my mother died. But I endured it because my father and my big brother needed the people around. See, there were people for them, the living, who wanted to show them they weren't alone. But otuside the famil there were also lot of people grieving my mother as their own she was a social worker, and many people there were ex thugs and ex sex workers who had a chance thanks to her I remember feeling outside of all of this ritual, I wasn't able to grieve her properly at that moment because I was the on who saw at her highest and lower point during this horrid illness. It took me two years to understand mom died, and I that I won't be able to bring her when something hurt me or just when I randomly need her. But that's how it is.

[Anonymous No.11791331]

>>11791169
Become a vigilante at three thousand meters above sea level, where roads end abruptly when there is no more trace of modern civilization, and the only justice is resignation.

[Anonymous No.11791380]

>>11781441
Thinking: have to get up for work at 2:30 AM.

Feeling: Lousy

[Anonymous No.11791413]

>>11781441
Feeling like tim roth shoutin "im fucking dieing here" at the guy with no ear. in reservoir doggos.

[Anonymous No.11791433]

>>11791106
>>11791316
I wont try to relate to you, but i kinda know that feel. I was 12 when my grandmother and granddad died. i remember going to my grandmas funeral but i dont remember my granddads, i dont really know if he had one. Grandma died of mad cow disease and Alzheimer and my grandfather followed soon afterwards, of what he died of i dont know and im to afraid to ask at this point.

The thing is i miss them, but it feels like they are still here in this world. And maybe they are here right next to me, and if that is the case i wanna say Thank you i only have good memories of you. Also i miss you.

[Anonymous No.11791452]

It feels like it's never going to end.

[Anonymous No.11791500]

>>11791433
>>11791316
The weird part is, I didn't lose my dad. I talked to him on the phone today, actually. I just wrote what I felt when I thought about him dying, when I thought about his funeral. I don't know what this means.

[Anonymous No.11791506]

I should learn to invest my money so i don't have to keep working in a children's store just to buy books

[Anonymous No.11791507]

>>11791433
>of what he died of i dont know and im to afraid to ask at this point.
I hope you can heal, anon.
I asked too much about my grandad and uncles death and when I found out about it I just hurt too much. But somehow this emotional wound gives me some relieve.

[Anonymous No.11791512]

>>11791500
Just emotional turmoil about the realization of losing someone.

[Anonymous No.11791513]

>>11784192
good luck anon

[Anonymous No.11791526]

>>11787770
>might see some romance in smashing oculus rifts
there's only 2 ways you can do this: smash other people's rifts like some culturally enriched thugg, or smash your own and be a consumer

[Anonymous No.11791536]

>>11790772
why are you dating a chink? are you one too? or are you two doing long distance like plebes? either way you make me sick. you're obviously underage and naive. just let it go man, let people fuck who they want to fuck because otherwise you foster resentment

[Anonymous No.11791540]

>>11790817
when i read posts like this i am glad i turned out functional

[Anonymous No.11791561]

>>11791106
fucking kids. someday you will understand the weight of death. right now you still believe you are invincible, that dying only happens to those who are older and other. someday death will encircle you like an army and you will feel its breath in your face

[Anonymous No.11791565]

>>11791169
why would you spend money to go be penniless in an objectively worse place in every aspect?

[Anonymous No.11791566]

>>11791507
>I hope you can heal, anon.
thanks buddy!
I´ve heard of old people dying of "heartbreak" when their partners of a long time die, so i think that might be it.

>>11791500
rude, i thought we had something here kidding

[Anonymous No.11791613]

>>11781962
Just spent 2k on booze. Fucked up.

[Anonymous No.11791619]

>>11791565
Because then I don’t have to watch my friends and relatives look at me with contempt.

[Anonymous No.11791650]

On monday im going to go out in the middle of the night, go to the docks and smoke. all while listening to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eht8_rhVMOs

Hopefully its going to be a little therapeutic

[Anonymous No.11791657]

>>11791619
you can do that in the US as well. just turn off your phone and move to buttfuck

[Anonymous No.11791660]

>>11781441
I've been an art fag for a decade. and only just recently am I realizing I might be more interested in creative writing. I love stories and always have before I started doing art, but I tried to learn art as a means to an end making comics and such. But even after I fell out of love with them I kept doing art mindlessly and started to feel lost. I have read next to nothing in my damn life besides comics and manga, but the first few actual written word reads I fucked with I felt so immersed and emotional that I was honestly surprised. feeling the characters struggle, their intensely emotional turmoil and shit felt like such a breath of fresh air. I want more of this and I wanna know where to start. Things to read and how to study some creative writing. I don't stop by /lit/ almost ever. Been here once or twice and saw people shit posting about philosophical shit that nobody cares about so I fucked off. I don't know how to describe the things I actually want to read but I will say I think being an art fag for so long honed my sense of visualization and now I'm sensitive to it. so the more potent and immersive the better. I'm gonna try looking through the science fiction and fantasy threads for anything up my alley.

[Anonymous No.11791720]

>>11791660
nah, don't waste your time with sffg, it's cuck literature. read da sticky my friend. here are some beginner recs. if you're interested in novels try some Steinbeck. short stories? Cortazar and Carver. poetry--Yeats. journalism / essay -- Dave Wallace

[Anonymous No.11792031]

I'm definitely not unabomber levels of anprim but I am really starting to wish we could go back to more reusable/recyclable/less harmful things for what we do use. Stuff in glass bottles. More stuff made out of wood, ceramic, clay, etc. Do you guys know what I mean?

I like that look in general, as well. It just looks nice.

[Anonymous No.11792131]

if it wasn't for electronic music i'd be an anarcho primitivist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9zZ4Gj75xs

[Anonymous No.11792229]

I felt mortal for the first time this week. I really could die. My liver could stop working for any number of reasons. A cancer could be hidden within an organ chewing away and declining my health. What if I went to the doctor tommorow and when I explained my symptoms he told me I would be gone in a month?

How wonderful and confirming it would be. How easy every day would seem to give all of myself without a worry of conserving some for later on. To love other people and God without attachment to my future.

Every other time I see her I change my mind on what is happening. I think she is desperate for me one minute and indifferent the next. Do often women flip flop like this? More likely I misread it. She either is or is not and the fluctuation between indifference and infatuation stem only from my willingness to engage.

I gave her little to work with tonight. I took a seat in another part of the room when she picked the big open couch and positioned her body open to welcome whoever would come be next to her. I didn't accept when she offered me a drink. As the alcohol made her more flirtatious I sat aside and took a deep interest in the friends next to me.

It's not hard to get. I don't want to get got. I don't think I want to get married. I don't think I want to go on more dates. I don't think I want to spend so much time thinking about what she needs and desires. But still, I do. I try to pin down exactly what she wants. I glance across the room to see if she's moved her body into my friends. If she's become wrapped up in his unceasing, sometimes overbearing charm. The time to yearn her glancing over at me never comes because every time she is glancing back over at me.

I notice the faults in people. The longer I am around her the deeper her cracks become and the more unrelatable her strengths become. I remove my initial feeling for her and let the picture develop. She's not the perfect woman anymore. This is a sign. My motivation to devote myself...

[Anonymous No.11792238]

How does anyone even find friends? All my old friends are pretty much gone, disappeared out of the blue and now I have a friend or two who I occasionally talk to. But it gets so lonely after so long. The only people I can ever find are people into partying, drugs and meme video games and I simply can't find it in myself to lower myself to doing that just for company. Where in the world does anyone make friends?

[Anonymous No.11792254]

>>11792238
I'm the same
I used to try and talk to people in my class but they're all the same
>Obsessed with partying
>Spend all their money on festival tickets
>Go out at 2am to the beach to drink the night before a test
>Bro I'm starting to write poetry, pretty sick
>The deepest thought they have is when deciding if they should buy the newest shoes

I don't know what to do, maybe I'm better off alone

[Anonymous No.11792256]

>>11792229
.. too something higher feels confirmed. Soon I will leave it all behind for good. To devote myself only the God is what I really want. He is someone who's still perfect after the picture develops.

I pray that someone else will find all of these women worth sacrificing their time and emotional energy for. I hope they form a deep relationship with another person that brings out the best in both of them.

Tommorow I will honor the Lord's day and make time for peace, putting down my work and anxieties. I will go to the mass and receive the body and blood of Jesus Christ which he freely gives to us. My prayer is that he will open my heart to receive him, that he will give me so much it overflows onto those around me.

[Anonymous No.11792269]

>>11792254
That's what I'm saying. There's no real places in my town that fit my hobbies so the only place I'm left meeting people are at my work and in a ghetto shithole that doesn't open you up to a lot of diverse people
>AYYO WHEN WE PARTYIN BROTHAS
Closest I got to discussing books with anyone was a woman who couldn't even remember Edgar Allan Poe's name and called him something along the lines of Edward Allan Polk

[Anonymous No.11792278]

>>11792269
I sorta have a friend who is "into" literature, but she is so shallow and phony about it. She buys 10 books for every 1 she reads (usually a book under 250). She rags on people who don't read, when she hardly does.
She's just the same as everyone else, she tells me she has no friends, she doesn't party, but she does, drinks all night before school, doesn't study, etc.

Fuck I kind of wish I was welding again, around blue-collar guys. They weren't really well read, but they were interesting and smart in other ways, you could have some really good conversations with them

[Anonymous No.11792281]

>>11792269
it's hard. The people who talk most about my interests in literature and history are not the ones who know the most. Those people have to be intentionally sought out in clubs, gathering places, or online communities.

Learn to engage people on any level and not just your interests. It may be easier to connect with someone who has similar interests and has a similar level of perspective but all people have things in common. Learning to connect on smaller and smaller things is a skill that will renew your outlook on friendships and people.

I hardly talk to my friends about my main hobbies because I find them boring to talk to them about. I've found other attachments and things I like about them. If I ever feel the itch to engage people about my hobbies I shit post online for a little while. Who you are is a lot bigger than the books you read and the hobbies you have.

[Anonymous No.11792284]

I'm at a bar, in the metallic bathroom pissing my life away

[Anonymous No.11792290]

i am completely and utterly empty inside.

my girlfriend of 4+ years lives with me.
i make more than enough money.
i'm buying a house soon.

there is not a single thing going on in my life other than forward momentum. things that i have worked towards for my whole life. consciously, as a plan, for 5 years.

i just want to fucking die.

I am a pink
Fleshy rubberband
How I stretch
So easily under
Your soft finger
Tips and midnight lips
But could you pull at me
All night and stress my
Spindles like
Pulling on a shirt?

[Anonymous No.11792298]

Which version sounds the least shitty

Base idea:
>Cynical kid gets on the train and winds up in an urban neverland that satirizes urban life and is inhabited by hostile talking animals.
>he goes on a quest across the city to return home, but his adventures uncover a threat so horrible he has no choice but to destroy his own way home

Pitch 1:
>there are multiple kids on that train and they go on parallel adventures that converge
Pitch 2:
>he enters alone but there are already kids there who have been there months without finding a way home.
>however a past incident has prevented them from exploring the subways, so his entrance brings crucial information they were missing
Pitch 3:
>Instead of a wonderland ruled by strays, it's hell, which surprisingly isn't all that bad.
>He's accompanied by a single ghost who wants to follow him back to the world of the living and maybe a familiar

[Anonymous No.11792377]

>>11792278
I feel that. I don't mind being around some average joes as long as they actually have some life about them. I mean shit I'm not a bright guy but I don't fault anyone for not being an "intellectual" or some shit. Just as long as they have their interests and passions that's great by me. I actually wanna get into a trade job too to earn a real skill and get some actual money going but I have no idea where to start that. Was welding a good career for you, anon?
>>11792281
Sometimes I try that method but it kinda leads to always talking about them and they never seem interested in talking about anything I like or asking me questions. I don't expect all the chat to be about my hobbies or self but always asking the questions and being the lead is pretty dull.

[Anonymous No.11792402]

>>11792377
>Was welding a good career for you, anon?
I only did it as a short-term thing out of boredom mostly. It wasn't bad, sometimes I kind of miss the actual act of welding, it could be fun and therapeutic at best and monotonous at worst.
The biggest problems I had was just the hours, I'm a little bitch and can't stand waking up early. If I had a later start time I probably would have kept with it and still be doing it. But fuck, waking up at 5 am or 6 am and then working in the cold morning killed me, after a few hours it was fine though.
Welding isn't particularly hard, the first few times it seems impossible, but by my 3rd week I was mostly keeping up with the veterans and had decent welds. I didn't get my certificate either, they just trained me.

All in all it's good if you can deal with the blue-collar lifestyle. I would say welding is the best trade out of all the major ones (plumber, electrician, etc). I'm happy I did it, if worst comes to worst I'll probably go back to it

[Anonymous No.11792418]

>Really like some music
>Accidentally see what the artist / band members look like
>The music now disgusts me and I can't enjoy it anymore
Anyone relate to this?

[Anonymous No.11792424]

>>11792418

this happened to me many, many years ago with Death Cab For Cutie, back around We Have The Facts and We're Voting Yes

whole fucking band looked like god damn pedophiles

[Anonymous No.11792425]

>>11792402
I was actually considering welding or plumbing as my trade, but makes you say welding is better than plumbing? And what did you do to get hired/trained as a welder? Was it hard getting the job?

[Anonymous No.11792428]

>>11792418
>>11792424

oh yeah, and

>discover amazing band with female vocalist
>fall in love with the music and lyrics
>look at pictures
>your whole opinion is now pointlessly changed because she isn't attractive

[Anonymous No.11792444]

>>11792377
that's true many people suck and just let you ask questions all day. The best friends I make are people who know a lot about something I don't but are willing to sit down and explain it / talk about it. I listen to one of my friends talk about graphic design all the time even though I could give less of a fuck about doing it myself. In turn I feel comfortable sharing more in depth about what I am into even if he knows less about it.

Maybe good advice would be to seek out people who are really passionate about something even if it's not exactly what you are passionate about.

[Anonymous No.11792467]

>>11792425
I haven't done any plumbing, but I've known someone who has and they didn't seem to like it as much. Plus plumbing usually requires dealing with annoying customers in their homes, I'd hate that.

Well my friend worked at the welding place and was moving so he asked the boss if I could have his job. The guy told me to come in and try out welding and if I did alright and he thinks I could learn it/sees potential he'd hire me.
So I went in and he taught me a little for like 2 hours and said I did well and got the job. I started off slow doing really small welds, then by the third day I was for the most part assembling my own pieces. By my third week I was reading the blueprints, doing large welds, making pieces without any assistance, etc.

It seemed so hard the first time I did it, but by the end I was able to weld ambidextrously, weld in super awkward positions, do different techniques, etc.
I would just put in my headphones and build shit, rarely had to deal with anybody unless I wanted to or help was needed. Of course everywhere is different, depending on if you work in a shop or on location or on a pipeline.

[Anonymous No.11792502]

the capital of my state is already majority non-European

[Anonymous No.11792603]

>>11792467
Seems like a dumb question to ask but did it occasionally involve heights? I have the worst fear of them and that's what really stops me from taking up trying welding

[Anonymous No.11792605]

>>11781441
I need to stop worrying so much and work more.

[Anonymous No.11792611]

I woke up thinking about some quote, turns out it's from a Drake song called Company
>I need some company, I need some company
Must be my subconsciousness doing it's work, since I've been sitting in my basement all day, only contact to people through chatting in livestreams of Asian girls shopping for groceries

[Anonymous No.11792614]

>>11781449
read sun & steel fag

[Anonymous No.11792627]

is rape really so bad?

[Anonymous No.11792628]

>>11792502
What's the single ethnic group with the highest population? Whites? Then there is still work to be done.

[Anonymous No.11792637]

>>11792603
Nope, I worked in a shop so I just did everything standing at a giant table.

[Anonymous No.11792648]

>>11792628
I'm Australian, it's much worse elsewhere, but this really is terrible. Everyone but few is seemingly asleep to what this will inexorably mean in the near future

[Anonymous No.11792674]

>>11792290
LOL shut up fag

[Anonymous No.11793149]

There's a certain breed of animals that want every single pleb out there to spend his life chasing beauty and admiring wisdom. They hate capitalism, but they don't want to replace it with socialism either because it's left wing and left wing things are icky. They believe humans must one day escape consumerism and wage slavery, and that a new system of social cooperation will arise where everyone spends his days gaping in awe at greek statues but still manages to have essential goods delivered to him somehow. These idiots are daydreamers, children who can't tell the difference between the desired and the possible. As long as we remain organic sacks that breath, eat, and shit, we will always work, and nothing on earth will ever change that. Call it wage slavery or whatever, it's not particularly nice, but it's not something you can wish away either. It would be nice to live in a society where you can just talk metaphysics with random people on the street, but this too is never going to happen. Accept the mob as it is, or you'll always live in disappointment.

[Anonymous No.11793169]

i'm 18 and in my 2nd last year of high school and i'm so depressed. i just wish i had the motivation i had 2 years ago. back then i was hitting the gym, studying hard and getting straight As--just improving myself. now all i do is jack off to hentai and play video-games. i wish i could find some motivation--i don't care if it turns me into a total edgelord (i went through a pseudo-nietzschean/stirnerian phase and a tradcat phase), i just need a reason to struggle upwards. and as you can probably tell by my particular locutions, i'm turning into a fucking weirdo and my friends (who are mostly nerdy virgins [not unlike myself]) are ditching me in favour of less-sad normal people. normally i am very self conscious about saying these things in real life, but as this is 4chan and because i am (mostly) anonymous, i don't give 2 flying fucks about making cringeworthy shitposts. i don't really know why i'm posting here. maybe i just need an outlet; maybe i just want attention. in any case, i wish i could put a stop to my pointless anxiety and suffering and give some reason and actual worth to my superfluous, upper-middle class existence. i could go on ranting forever but i think the real reason i'm posting here is because i want someone to help me discover myself. i think its that curiosity that motivates me to post this here because i am simply not this open about my emotions in real life: i am too socially awkward and self-conscious to even attempt it, the patronising, smiling repercussions notwithstanding. this sentence here ends a narcissist's shitty stream-of-consciousness.

tldr: someone help me with my issues

[Anonymous No.11793193]

>>11793169
Books for this feel?

[Anonymous No.11793219]

>>11793169
Start by capitalising "I", faggot.
I was the same as you in my final year, a year later and I am a different, better person once I threw off the familiar schoolyard syndromes. If your friends are leaving you, that means one of two things: you are being a dickhead, or they are shitty friends. In the former, learn from your mistakes and become a better man. In the latter, it's best if you stop caring about them at all. You won't have to worry about grades too much until next year if you want to go to university, in which case I suggest you really pull yourself together, do well on the exams, visit university campuses, research courses, accommodation, professors and specific curriculum. This will save you potentially years of pain and anxiety so do it right.
tl;dr: stop being a bitch, it gets worse if you don't strengthen your mind and body now

[Anonymous No.11793349]

>>11793169
Your fucking 18. So young. Just chill the fuck out. Youre still in school and comfy. Just chill ffs. In a few years you will be laughing back at your stupid ass nigger self.

[Anonymous No.11793354]

>>11792298
Pitch 1 sounds fucking lit as fuck senpai

[Anonymous No.11793382]

>>11781449
uh, no

[Anonymous No.11793397]

I dont want to get a degree, work all my life, get a wife and two kids and then die when Im 80.

I'd much rather travel the world, writing books and meeting people everyday and then die when Im 50 from something that would have been easily avoidable, if I only had lived my life like in the first scenario.

[Anonymous No.11793401]

>>11793169
Man you're 18. You're still young. I wish i could talk to 18 years old me and put some sense in him. I would just advise you to read good literature. Read Homer, Seneca, Epictetus, Plato, and Cicero. For someone your age they could do wonders. Grab life by the horns, because it's gonna fuck you up anyway.

[Anonymous No.11793602]

>>11792284
cheap bar bathrooms are very aesthetic. i love the graffiti and grime and the doors that never quite work

[Anonymous No.11793645]

“The tears of the world are a constant quantity. For each one who begins to weep somewhere else another stops. The same is true of the laugh.”

[Anonymous No.11793731]

It's depressing to read posts from younger people who complain about their miserable lifes when you're in your late twenties and still not one step further than your 18 years old hedonistic self. These people still have the world open to them while your time and neuroplasticity is running out and only despair and poverty lies ahead.

[Anonymous No.11793749]

Um, if you think anyone is obligated to help someone who is drowning then you're fucking toxic and that's the tea sis

[Anonymous No.11793765]

>>11793731
>neuroplasticity is running out
myth

[Anonymous No.11793774]

>>11793731
Genuinely hate people like you who make up your own confines and restrict yourself within them.

[Anonymous No.11793784]

I'm killing myself one day at a time.

[Anonymous No.11793821]

>>11781441
I want to rain today.
Now is cloudy, so I have my hopes to occurs it right now.

[Anonymous No.11793837]

Friends
Girlfriends
Relationships

[Anonymous No.11793873]

>>11781441
Skibbity bloop, shoopity doop. Everything that plays out in my head all goes in gibberish, can barely formulate in speech and it really gets to me sometimes. I wish i could just set my mind on a one track road of thoughts in order to really get myself to knuckle down on what i'm doing. It's especially terrible when i have to write something for the future, like i'm doing now. The words just won't come

[Anonymous No.11793890]

>>11793774
desu reading both of these posts, you sound like more of the dickhead. why are you even here?

[Anonymous No.11793902]

>>11792298
pitch 4:
>the kids each enter alone and go on parallel journeys that wind into each other
>the city has cell service, so they end up forming a group chat that eventually allows them to organize and form a tight friendship despite different paths

[Anonymous No.11794235]

>>11793774
I became a kind of person that I despised when I was younger. Your hate is probably a defense mechanism to not end up like me. It gives you energy to do something for the better. Hope it helps you.

[Anonymous No.11794336]

>>11794235

[Anonymous No.11794382]

>>11793731
How old are you anon? This is such a boomer post.

[Anonymous No.11794571]

I'm graduating this year and I have no fucking idea what to do with myself. All my life it's always been pretty clear what I was going to be doing next year, going to the next year of school, going to college, etc. Now I have actual choice and I can't fucking handle it. I want to go to grad school but that's no going to happen for another year or so for convoluted reasons. I don't have a gf or friends (other than my high school friends who I see maybe once a year) so I really have a lot of freedom but I don't know how to pick something that won't result in my being suicidally depressed in two months (eg, getting a wageslave job). I do some programming freelancing that I could probably occupy myself with, but that still leaves the question of where to go after I leave uni. I don't want to move back with my parents because being in my hometown drives me insane and leaves me a total wreck after only a few days. Too many bad memories and people I don't want to see. But where else could I go? Fuck, maybe I'll just move to some tiny village in Oregon and just spend time going /out/ and working on writing and shit.

The other thing that's bothering me about the whole is how fucking isolated I feel. Between away from home, transferring universities, and now leaving again I really don't feel like there's anywhere I belong. I really desperately long for community and it doesn't look like something I get to have for a couple years, at least I have some vague semblance of that now in my gym buddies and professors. And now I'm losing that too and going back to square one. And if I manage to rebuild something after I've left it'll all be taken away from me again in a year or two's time. Fuck.

How do normies deal with this shit? I don't understand how they can so cavalierly throw away their relationships and communities every year or two when I'm still not recovered from the first time I had to do it.

Plz help me desu I'm barely holding myself together as is

[Anonymous No.11794580]

>>11793382
carnal and slavepilled

[Anonymous No.11794582]

if everyone was ok with other people reading things they themselves didn't like, /lit/ would be dead

[Anonymous No.11795098]

I'm so young yet I have so much nostalgia for earlier times, I've only turned 18, but all I can think about is being a little kid again. The funny part is that my childhood wasn't the nicest one anyway. Maybe its the idea of coming to terms with what the world truly is, and I guess I can't accept that. I feel like the most important part of my life is already over, or that I've died long ago and I'm nothing more than a lingering soul.

[Anonymous No.11795186]

I hate old people, there's no situation that's ever been improved by having to interact with a rotting decrepit fuck. I thought this feeling would fade away as I get older but I'm in my twenties and it's stronger than ever.

[Anonymous No.11795243]

>>11795098
you just have a naturally neurotic personality thats all

>>11795186
youll be old one day

>>11794571
its called growing up and bar any possible mental health issues you may have youve got it better than alot of people. just go home

>>11794382
i thought we were all boomers here

[Anonymous No.11795272]

>>11792298
Okay, building on what seemed to appeal, here's my two pitches

which one seems better?

1.
>after their train takes an unplanned service change into another universe, a cynical boy, a ditzy girl genius, a kleptomaniac and a young girl with a hand-made superhero costume in her backpack end up split along two parallel journeys to get home.
2.
>only the cynical boy get there through the train
>the girl genius falls down a manhole
>the klepto falls into a park fountain trying to steal coins
>the supergirl gets chased down an alleyway
>their journeys are all start independently but eventually come together

[Anonymous No.11795293]

>>11795186
Old people are pretty based, from the most chill to the most angry, they have their reasons to be like that. Young adults? Adults? Those are annoying and irritating.

[Anonymous No.11795294]

>>11795243
>its called growing up
Dumb fucking meme answer, literally boomer-tier

>bar any possible mental health issues
Do you know where you are?

>youve got it better than alot of people
Fucking obviously. I don't know how the masses don't kill themselves if I'm in such a comparatively good situation and am still an unstable fuck

[Anonymous No.11795606]

My mom got drunk and fucked my best friend in my room at a party we had at home. I think I'm gonna kill myself.

[Anonymous No.11795618]

>>11795294
Go home Holden.

[Anonymous No.11795647]

>went to special ed because of a crippling anxiety disorder
>treated like a retard by the teachers
>grew up hating them and wanting to prove every single one of the condescending, skeleton-faced cunts wrong
>made it a life goal to become someone worth respecting because of my intelligence
>failed to get into the ivy league or any similar school
>failed out of the physics program and was forced to switch to CS
>got fired from my first job in under 2.5 months
>unemployed for six months
>got a new job making below the national average for a web dev
>stay there for 10 months
>get told I'm on probation for being a fuck-up
>barely survive it
>now struggling not to lose my job and getting dumber every single fucking day
>wake up one morning and realize that nearly every person I've met since I made it my goal to be respected has had little to no respect for me
>tfw the last time the majority of people I knew respected me was when I was in special ed

Is it time /lit/? Time to put and end to this pathetic failure of an existence once and for all?

[Anonymous No.11795693]

>>11795294

Take some tips from this guy >>11795647 zoomer.

[Anonymous No.11795701]

>>11795647
>life purpose is proving some elementary school teachers wrong

here's a tip. get over it. elementary school teachers are garbage elitists who like to feel like they're better than their students. been there done that but the reality is nobody cares about those people. they're already a special kind of failure.

[Anonymous No.11795744]

>>11795701
forgetting them doesn't make me stop being a failure by every reputable metric

[Anonymous No.11795755]

>>11781854
sounds legit. wouldn't wanna see the breaking news on a cheap TV.

[Anonymous No.11795774]

It irks me that people are willing to do nice actions only because someone who did it was also able to resuscitate the dead, multiply the food, turn water into wine, and so. If Jesus wasn't able to do all that, people would just give a shit about even helping themselves. If a pig could fly, people would be trying to eat their own shit because that's the pig path; but if a pig showed some mercy, they would turn it into bacon.

[Anonymous No.11795781]

>>11791613
what did you buy? 100 bottles of Vodka?

[Anonymous No.11795787]

>>11795701
>elementary school teachers are garbage elitists who like to feel like they're better than their students.
And then apply this to the rest of your life.

[Anonymous No.11795813]

>>11795787
I can't just tell myself that nobody else's opinion of me besides my own matters. That's how you end up being trump

[Anonymous No.11795893]

>>11795813
Is important to listen what others have to say but you need to differentiate between the opinions of crazy people and the facts some people want you to understand to be able to become a decent person in the world. Worst part is most of the time we fall from the crazy people and their opinions turned into philosophies and science.

[Anonymous No.11795935]

If I ever reached a point in my life where I decided I could be proud of just being a normal person, I'd pray I had the self-awareness to realize what I was doing and kill myself to avoid becoming a embarrassing mockery of everything I ever wanted to be

[Anonymous No.11795967]

i want to learn and discuss pretentious shit along someone that isn't an anon. i like creative relationships, i don't mind them being digital. everytime i try they end suddenly. it's probably my fault, time lasts long for me so i push talk every couple hours but i don't notice because they feel like days; i'm pushy

[Anonymous No.11796054]

My TA is giving me increasingly obvious signals that she desires a sexual relationship. On Friday, after the recitation had ended and everyone else had left the room, she cornered me and informed me that I had been "quite assertive" in our class's discussion of the Kierkegaard (it is a philosophy of religion course). As she said this, her hand began to snake its way towards my leg, which nearly quivered at the contact. I was able to steady myself, however, and replied that I found Kierkegaard's thought to be both enlightening and inspirational.

At that, she unbuttoned her top (it was a dark blue blouse, a lovely thing) and asked me in a throaty whisper if I had ever been intimate with a woman in public (those were not her exact words). I answered that I had not, and, fearful for my chastity, spun her around so that I had a clear avenue to the door. She shivered at my dominant behavior and let loose a ragged moan. I could sense her lust was becoming unbearable, and, to my eternal shame, I cannot say I was entirely unmoved. The sensation of my hand against her shapely form, her soft body, grabbed hold and nearly pulled me under, but luckily my copy of Either/Or tumbled from my rucksack at that moment. The sight of it broke me from my sinful state.

I informed the woman that I had to leave, but she began to grope at me with all her feminine might. She implored me to use her, to punish her. I gazed with apprehension upon my TA, her gorgeous bottom swaying before me, begging to be spanked and taken. But not by me. I gathered up my papers and effects and left her there. I hope she managed to put her clothes on before someone found her.

Needless to say I await the next class with fear and trembling.

[Anonymous No.11796057]

No one can be racist if the races never interact with each other

[Anonymous No.11796078]

>>11796057
no the way theyve set it up in their meme minds white people have already ruined their racism cred by slavery and colonialism. Whenever an Afircan country is dysfunctional(which is to say all of them always) or a black city in the US is dysfunctional(which is to say all of them always) it is blamed on white people which means white people have an active debt to pay off just to get to a neutral balance of morality. They do this wiht Muslim countries as well.

If this strikes you as being pretty obviously just 'original sin' taken into a secular context then congratulations, you now have at least a basic bitch understanding of contemporary culture wrt 'racism'

[Anonymous No.11796140]

>>11795744
literally who cares. the only failure here is you care what a bunch of fags who can't even manage their own lives properly think. This is like the most weak minded shit ever, have some sense of self reliance.

[Anonymous No.11796191]

>>11781441
I had a terrible dream.One that brought great discomfort and pain.In this dream,i abruptly woke up on a state of much anxiety.I then looked around as if i was in search of possible danger.There was nothing.There was no one.The only sight that graced my eyes was one of a dilapidated room with barely any furniture with a wheezing breeze of air coming from a slightly ajar window.I cried.As this was not a dream,but reality.From crying it went to sobbing,and from sobbing it went to a beaten down stoic expression.he knew he had to do something,but his lethargy and lack of stimulus stripped him down to nothing more then a mere zombie.A zombie with responsibility in taking care of him and his own kindred.But how could a zombie understand the gift of life,and levitate others to experience such a gift?Why?why did his aunt want to live when he himself wanted to die?Why is she dead and not him?

After pondering for so long his anxiety was excruciating.he got up in hopes that it would ease his pain.he walked around in circles and looked out the window for something that would distract him.There was nothing of interest.His pain did not cease.he was there all alone and no amount of escapism would help him.A conscious abyss was created,and in turn pangs of eternal agony.

[Anonymous No.11796221]

>>11796140
anon, im not trying to convince them they were wrong. they can rot in a mass grave for all I care. What I care about is proving to myself that I am extraordinary. So long as I cant even prove im good enough to be ordinary, I am a complete and utter abomination. A pathetic, barely function chris-chan of a human being with delusion s of grandeur who's just lucid enough to realize that everything I want to be able to see myself as is a fantasy less believable than the acting in a middle school play starring haydan christianson

[Anonymous No.11796235]

>>11792238
grad school

[Anonymous No.11796255]

>>11792627
have you ever been raped? would you like to be? i know a guy

[Anonymous No.11796267]

>>11793397
>travel the world
everyone wants to travel the fuckin world. problem is, it costs money and/or time. probably the easiest way is to become an english teacher in some chink nation. they love white guys over there

[Anonymous No.11796280]

>Let's go
>We can't
>Why not?
>We're Waiting for Godot A Tragicomedy in Two Acts by Samuel Beckett

Really?

[Anonymous No.11796297]

>>11794571
Let me give you some real advice. Assuming you're starting your senior year, you are where i was two years ago. I'm in grad school now and my biggest regret is probably leaving home during my gap year. At the time I know why I did it, hometown seemed dead and empty and I wanted to live near my campus to see some of my friends who stuck around or hadnt graduated. That was a mistake. Not only did I not see those friends, but I was incredibly lonely no matter where I went. That's how it is after graduation, your friends dissipate. I could have saved SO much money on rent by living at home. Enough so that I could survive the first year of grad school without working. Now I'm here balancing school with a wage job and it sucks. I just wish I had more time to write and read and socialize.

[Anonymous No.11796300]

>>11781449
Hello friend I have some great news for you! There's a place on the super cool INTERWEB where you and other like minded celibates can congregate together and discuss the horrors of the flesh and the rabbit hole that is sexual temptation. Check out Reddit.com/r/nofap to make all of your dreams of sexual repression come true!

[Anonymous No.11796316]

>>11796221
Are you extraordinary? Are you talented? Do you possess genius? It's okay if you don't. You can survive in this world by being a good ol' hard worker.

[Anonymous No.11796325]

>>11796078
Adam didn't know better. Colonialists murdered and enslaved and probably had boners while doing so. Definitely had boners, considering all the mixed children of slaves.

[Anonymous No.11796335]

>>11788306
I relate to this so much, I almost died form a severe neurological condition when I was 18-19. Somehow I was correctly diagnosed after a year of slowly sinking into the grave and went through continuous treatment and hospital visits for 4 years. I'm 23 now and sleep hooked up to an oxygen tank every night with medical tape clamping my mouth shut, which has stabilized my medical condition for the first time in over 5 years. Over the years I've become so disconnected from reality and society as a whole that I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending dream, unable to wake up. Once I was finally healthy again and snapped back to reality after half a decade of depressive semi-concious mental detachement I didn't know what to do with myself, I felt like a prisoner getting out of a life sentence on parole after 30 years and knowing what to do with myself In terms or reclaiming my place in society. I've been searching for years now for an answer to my detachement, something concrete to bring me back to Earth. Hasn't happened yet but I'm still holding out hope.

[Anonymous No.11796423]

>>11796325
>tfw you will never have fifty mulatto slave wives

[Anonymous No.11796448]

There are lots of people telling you what to do on this site. It's easy to soak it all up like a sponge and decide to take everything like the absolute truth. I'm guilty of this myself. Don't make this mistake.

The greeks had this powerful concept called ethos. It means character. You must take into account the character of whoever speaks, when deciding whether or not to listen to him. Is the guy who wrote this post or comment someone I respect - someone that I can learn from? Perhaps you wouldn't want to take advice from a beggar on the street. Well, maybe you shouldn't take advice from someone who frequents /r9k/ either, then.

Take 30 seconds whenever you read something that makes you change your opinion and think? Does he have sufficient ethos? Is he someone you would generally take advice from?

[Anonymous No.11796456]

Been secretly raw-doggin dudes in saunas even though I'm a straight man. Deeply ashamed and I think I have an STD. Can't take my mind off these feelings. Sometimes I just want to top myself. I'm not even gay.

[Anonymous No.11796462]

>>11796456
fag

[Anonymous No.11796467]

>>11796221
why do you care so much about status

[Anonymous No.11796470]

>>11796456
that's pretty gay

[Anonymous No.11796471]

I crave a mania of experience and abandon. I haven't truly had fun in like three years. I've gotten into an adult rut. I used to be a bit of a badass, always romping and stomping and getting into mischief. Then I grew up and got too serious. Now I've got more money in my pocket and I'm bored, bored, bored.

I even gave up videogames, which aren't that great to absorb your time but still animate the mindbox just a bit. Books I still devour, but fiction is less interesting to me than nonfic.

I've got to splash a little devil water on my face and put caution to the wind. Shit is meant to be fucked with.

[Anonymous No.11796487]

>>11796470
>>11796462

I'm straight. I just wanted to see what it was like and it got out of hand. I've only had girlfriends.

[Anonymous No.11796489]

>>11796471
don't get back into videogames, they destroy your ability to interface with reality

[Anonymous No.11796490]

>>11796487
And you loved every second of it closet fag. You're going to be coming back for those boyholes every other week, admit it.

[Anonymous No.11796493]

>>11796489
I put them off except for occasional binges when I visit back home. Nothing wrong with moderating it. I just don't want to be playing them everyday of the year. I've seen the effects of that behavioral addiction.

[Anonymous No.11796513]

tfw while growing up learning about the norms of growing up, getting married, a good job and kids; all the while, never learning about the whole swathes of populace that go missing and lost with every generation, literally down the shitter. Didn't even consider that it could go that way but here we are. Living our lives as literal whos, probably dieing alone in a small bedsit in Doncaster at 49 from too much drugs, alcohol. I never knew people could live their whole lives like that. What a naive 9 year old i was.

[Anonymous No.11796514]

A girl just told me Blood Meridian was her favorite book and that she's remaining chaste until marriage. She's a Coptic cutie. What do I do?

[Anonymous No.11796515]

>>11796514
marry her

[Anonymous No.11796516]

>>11793873
maybe you could be the guattari to some deleuze someday—
not just instrumentally;
ever tried vomiting language for a scribe to regurgitate back at you?

i vocalize non-stop to lull my inner monologue, i keep myself company like that, i've to stay alone for that
hope things get better for you

[Anonymous No.11796519]

>>11796514
Sieze her body and take her scalp

[Anonymous No.11796522]

>>11796514
>unzips

[Anonymous No.11796555]

>>11781441
I’m 18 and just got kicked out of home because “only faggots read” and sent to a new school.

Because I’m New I have to retake a few classes. One of these is a history class (I took an AP course so credits didn’t transfer).

My history teacher is on his first year and basically saw that I pretty much understand this enough to teach some, so to take stress off of him he is now using me as pretty much a TA (his words).

Teaching is kinda cool actually. I helped one kid with a mental disability through our section on Mesopotamia and the first green revolution. Now I’m helping three others through our Egypt section.

Don’t have a way to end this. Just thought it was a neat story.

[Anonymous No.11796562]

>>11795272
The latter reminds me vaguely of Lev Grossman's magicians series, especially when combined with the base premise. I like the first: it's pretty original and gives the characters a location of origin in common, which is narratively useful.
If you can handle it, try keeping three plot threads and having one of the characters go alone.

[Anonymous No.11796568]

>>11796054
lmao

[Anonymous No.11796569]

>>11796555
your teacher sounds like a cool guy

[Anonymous No.11796580]

>>11796569
He is. We spent a good while discussing comic books last time I saw him.

I was kinda apprehensive at first, but I’m glad I’m not just relearning stuff I’ve already been taught but at a lower level.

[Anonymous No.11796585]

>>11796562
O wait I miscounted there are only 4 characters
Have there be 5 so you can do 3 and 2 at the start then have one get separated.

[Anonymous No.11796586]

>>11781441
I think too much about everything, to the extent that it is fruitless.

[Anonymous No.11796612]

>>11795272
Cool pitches but I think you need more kids, four pov characters means maybe two or three other kids imo. You want at least one group of 3+, because that's a much more engaging character dynamic and juxtaposes with the duo. I'd say pov the solo character, both of the characters in the group of 2, and one of the characters in the group of 3+. The talking animals can obviously add to the cast of secondary characters, but you need people for drama early on to show personalities without blah exposition and also to kill off later.

[Anonymous No.11796654]

>>11796562
>>11796585

I do have a fifth in mind who's supposed to be in many ways a female counterpart to male MC, only without a lot of his more abrasive traits. Ultimately however, she'd be the one who goes off the deep end as a result of her shitty life and ends up becoming the villain

However, I decided to leave her out of the story because of the ending I had in mind specifically, they go to the end knowing the portal home requires a human sacrifice. The MC reflects on the unspoken understanding that as long as one of them dies the rest can go home and firmly believes it's every man for himself. During the final battle however, he's the one who's grievously wounded and then appalled when everyone else stays behind to save his life. That moment of eye-opening is kind of fucked if one of them tried to betray everyone else

>>11796612
the final plan is to have 9 of them with two being twins. However, that's a grand-scale plan. This story needs to focus on the four... or five if I can have number 5 redeem herself

[Anonymous No.11796663]

>>11796654
screenshotted so i can spoil the ending for my friends when u write a bestseller :3

[Anonymous No.11796727]

All the pieces of this puzzle I have been working on for 6 years are coming together. It's been slow, and the scope of the project has changed drastically, but I'm getting closer everyday.

I feel like a narcissist because 'I think I'm special' and this project I have is something most people rack up as a 'dream' and take on more civilian duties, whereas I feel like this is the thing I am truly good at and meant to do with my life. Getting noticed will be very challeneging, but if I am as good at this as I think I am, I will no doubt stand out and somebody will see the potential. I think this project will truly resonate with people, all the while staying true to myself and my form. Anxiety and self-doubt are no longer an option: I need to accomplish this and let the world in on what I've been creating.

[Anonymous No.11796738]

>>11796663
damn. That's some major praise if it's sincere.

Thank you

[Anonymous No.11796772]

>>11796514
marry her unironically

[Anonymous No.11797184]

>>11796513
Same desu.

[Anonymous No.11797217]

>>11796221
Yes you sound like a failure of a human if you care so fucking much about shit.

[Anonymous No.11797227]

I keep being mean to my dad how do i stop

[Anonymous No.11797289]

There's no point in being sincere about anything these days, nothing is sacred. Everything I could possibly use to find a purpose in life seems hollow and meaningless.

[Anonymous No.11797439]

>>11790817
Make the leap and do what you fear, or die.

[Anonymous No.11797446]

>>11791106
*camus peeks in*
"oh, this guy again... heh, typical"

[Anonymous No.11797608]

>>11792424
good album. stop being a fag and just listen to the music

[Anonymous No.11797625]

>>11781487
you have met your anima.

[Anonymous No.11797719]

>>11797227
>mean to your own family
scum

[Anonymous No.11797765]

Who would I risk time for? It's not a big commitment, an hour maybe. A first date used to mean something simple to me. Now that I know better it seems like so much more. It's an admission that I share what she wants. When things go well, you plan another date. Signing on for one is signing on for so much more.

I know things would go well. I've seen how people can act when they are head over heels for each other. I can so easily convince myself there's no need to call it off so early. Going well- that's not what makes relationships last. Going well isn't what makes relationships worth it. Relationships require a sacrifice. Relationships require giving up what you want to serve the other person. Can I sacrifice for her? Do I want to? Do I trust that she could serve me?

I lack the trust that anyone could. I can be too peculiar, too closed off. Someone might want to spend time around me but do they really want to look deeper? Do they want to see where I lack and where I search? I doubt it.

[Anonymous No.11797932]

I think my only chance at love was with this girl with psychosis and I didn't even give her a chance. I opened up and ran the fuck away. She was so sincerely interested and willing to accept me. I don't think I will ever see that again in my lifetime.

[Anonymous No.11798385]

Do you guys have a mind place? It started with the method of loci for me and I expanded it. In my mind I had a room for "files" that eventually became an office, then a castle, then a city. All with stuff in it in my imagination. People, stories, laws, etc. Seems a bit autistic when I type it out and it probably is.

[Anonymous No.11798472]

wasting

[Anonymous No.11798725]

>>11784058
No, fuck Freud
Go with C.G. Jung - what you've found in your dream is your anima