Post the opening line of your novel and other anons say if they want to read on

[Anonymous No.11367382]

>picture mostly unrelated

[Anonymous No.11367989]

>>11367382
No my man. The line is puzzling, but not in a good way.

[Anonymous No.11368027]

>"The Spanish Civil War was a war fought between the Republicans and the Nationalists, the former to secure their faltering democracy, the latter to overthrow it and replace it with an authoritarian dictatorship... If only it were so simple."
I write amateur history books of about fifty pages and sell them for like $1.49 on Amazon

[Anonymous No.11368035]

>>11367382
As expected, Erik died.

[Anonymous No.11368131]

>>11367382
"It's a grim reminder that bullets don't cry"

[Anonymous No.11368145]

Only one enemy remained; two if you counted God

[Anonymous No.11368160]

The town had lost little of all the things I remembered despite my will to forget.

[Anonymous No.11368233]

In the beginning, there was God. God had already been there even before there was time. God existed, and the universe was created by him.

[Anonymous No.11368294]

>>11368233
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
yep, that's me

[Anonymous No.11368328]

John was stirring a Monster Ultra Zero in a plastic cup when the phone rang. He ignored it and leaned back while wiring up his PlayStation ready for a gaming session. The years had not treated him kindly and somewhere deep inside he knew the worst was yet to come. For boomers, The American Dream had been a mixed bag.

[Anonymous No.11368375]

>>11368131
would read.
>>11368160
would at least look at the first chapter.
>>11368233
would read/would not read depending on whose point of view this is from.

Here's mine.

Blossoming light burst all around,
and Vadfi birthed its gorgeous sound.
Vadfi stood, single, as the crux;
two other Gods were birthed in flux.

[Anonymous No.11369052]

>>11367382

Translated because I cannot expect everyone to speak French:

> We're left with rage and silence.

[Anonymous No.11369075]

Vengeance.
Some say it's a poison that infiltrates the soul and strip s it bare.
That its path only destroys the one who treads it.
But to others, it's mother's milk. It nourishes and thrives-gives them a
reason to survive when they have nothing more to hold them to this world.

[Anonymous No.11369112]

>>11369052
A little pretentious but it’s the only one in the thread I like.

[Anonymous No.11369205]

"I will be brief, but this may take a while."

[Anonymous No.11369246]

>>11367989
How does one distinguish good from bad puzzlement?

[Anonymous No.11369262]

Our small town story starts out in the locker room of Ketchum High School, Wyoming, where a bunch of boys are gathered around after practice, coming and going and for the most part relaxed, except a kid in the corner who is letting his teammate know that his girlfriend’s three months pregnant and planning to keep the damn thing.

>>11368027
i mean if they're getting bought then don't change anything, but yheah it's pretty bad

>>11368375
your nice but i don't believe you

>>11369205
pretty bad unless the very next sentence and paragraph redeems it

[Anonymous No.11369267]

>>11367382
no
>>11368027
no
>>11368035
eh, no
>>11368145
yes
>>11368233
no
>>11368328
no, sorry
>>11368375
would read and sad that this stuff will prolly never be published
>>11369052
yes
>>11369075
no
>>11369205
I'd be interested with a reputation

"He didn’t notice the coolness of the glass on his cheek until he was awake. The bus’s deceleration cumulated itself in an abrupt stop that subtly jarred his face, leaving an oil imprint of his face and breath on the window, fleshy shadows in their processes of being forgotten."

[Anonymous No.11369271]

>>11369262
Yes but only if it's self-published

[Anonymous No.11369278]

Two things crossed my mind as I opened my eyes and began to look around a dark room slowly coming into focus: why is there empty Taco Bell wrappers everywhere, and where are my pants?

[Anonymous No.11369288]

Crash! My car hit a pole and shattered my fender, also killing my wife.

[Anonymous No.11369291]

>>11367382
Anon was one of those rare young men whose parents spanked him too much, rather than too little.

[Anonymous No.11369302]

>My house was on fire and it wasn't my fault.

[Anonymous No.11369304]

He closed the book and was paralyzed, he was only able to move around in his mind as he saw passing memories of his parents who were dead yet still very alive.

[Anonymous No.11369308]

>>11368027
>The Spanish Civil War was a war
ugh

[Anonymous No.11369312]

>>11369291
i like

mine:
"Cold and viscous, we bask in the sun hoping to shake the rigidness away."

[Anonymous No.11369317]

"Yo-yo mah nigga. You in da houzzzzz!", said the black man unexpectedly sitting in my bathtub at 9:32pm.

[Anonymous No.11369320]

>>11369271
pls buy then--or at least read the free sample

https://www.amazon.com/As-Almost-Always-Then-Some-ebook/dp/B07DPJ3G8J/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529872569&sr=8-1&keywords=as+almost+always+and+then+some

[Anonymous No.11369321]

>The universe is indifferent but sometimes it seems to work in my favour.

[Anonymous No.11369333]

My name? You want to know my name? You'd wish you hadn't asked.

[Anonymous No.11369339]

>>11369246
It’s the difference between puzzling and intriguing.

[Anonymous No.11369343]

He turned the pages, book after book, finally realizing they have turned him old.

[Anonymous No.11369345]

>>11368027
>If only it were so simple
cliched.

>>11368035
very boring

>>11368131
might be something

>>11368145
epic, just epic

>>11368160
might be something

>>11368233
yeah it seems funny, if its comedic on purpose then yeah

>>11368328
nah

>>11368375
nah

>>11369052
maybe depends

>>11369075
might read it, bit cheesy

>>11369205
depends

>>11369262

[Anonymous No.11369348]

>>11369052
Original text?

[Anonymous No.11369350]

I love a beautiful butthole, don't get me wrong I don't like men's butthole, I'm talking about the female anus, the one peach colored, the divine creation of God if there was one.

[Anonymous No.11369355]

>>11369350

[Anonymous No.11369358]

I awoke with a bang. Someone was firing bullets.

"It's fuckin' go time, nigger", I tell Nigger Al, as I pick up my knapsack and Ak-47. "These fuckin Gooks woke us up for the last god damn time"

[Anonymous No.11369359]

>>11368035
I like it. I disagree with the anon who called it boring. The blasé tone makes me curious about the speaker and the circumstances of Erik’s death.

[Anonymous No.11369363]

Je suis. Je ne sais pas comment ni pourquoi. Mais je suis. Mon nom? Ils ne me l'ont pas encore donné.

[Anonymous No.11369364]

Translate because It's in French:
>"Alcohol was spreading in me like a soft heat, applying a light veil to my mind."

[Anonymous No.11369365]

>>11368160
It’s good, but not particularly interesting for an opening line.

[Anonymous No.11369369]

>>11369333
Really bad, sorry

[Anonymous No.11369371]

>>11369363
Forgot the mutts can only speak a bastardised Anglais.
-

I am. I don't know how or why. But I am. My name? They haven't given it to me yet.

[Anonymous No.11369372]

>I wonder how much we gave away without a say.

[Anonymous No.11369374]

>>11369369
Don't you want to know his name?

[Anonymous No.11369375]

>>11369372
Well, maybe.

[Anonymous No.11369377]

>>11367382
>3 words relating to one sense
Are you trying to be bad

[Anonymous No.11369383]

>>11369345
fuck it posted itself

anyway ill continue

>>11369262
probably wouldnt

>>11369267
yeah id read it, it reads a bit clunky, and id replace "glass" with "window" i actually thought he held a glass to his cheek first

>>11369278
nah doesnt seem interesting "wow taco bell and no pants this guy is so wild!" nah not interesting

>>11369288
wtf
if its absurd humor then might read if its serious then no

>>11369291
yeah id read

>>11369302
depends a lot, i dont get to know much about what type of book it is

>>11369304
nah

>>11369312
nah probs not

>>11369317
nah

>>11369321
nah but maybe, it makes me a bit curious

>>11369333
nah

>>11369343
nah probs not

>>11369350
epic

>>11369358
nah

>>11369364
yeah maybe

>>11369371
pretentious

>>11369372
maybe

[Anonymous No.11369385]

>>11369291
Agree

I know a secret about most men that they themselves are not aware of. It is that he who sacrifices himself for the living of others, does so as to be able to fool himself.
Being a man of firmness - the quieter notes in him that still yearns for softness and kinship - lets the same officership be the saviour to his own yearnings.

[Anonymous No.11369388]

>>11367382
You probably shouldn't read any further. Far better things have been written by far better people.

[Anonymous No.11369389]

"Brap", the sound of my fart provoked her interest.

[Anonymous No.11369390]

>>11369052
Traduction?

[Anonymous No.11369403]

>>11369390

Il ne nous reste que Rage et Silence. Nous ne nous parlons plus. Nous ne débattons plus. Nous sommes muets. Et c’est dans ce silence hypocrite, envers nous-même, autrui et le monde, que nous succombons à la rage. Une rage aveugle, bouillonnante sous la surface. Tout porterait à croire à une explosion. Une envolée de violence à laquelle beaucoup s’abandonnent aujourd’hui. Beaucoup, certes, mais qu’une infime minorité face à la majorité silencieuse : ceux qui souffrent en silence et titubent tout au long de leur vie, se réveillant trop tard pour réagir, et s’enfermant alors comme mécanisme de défense dans le silence ou la folie.

[Anonymous No.11369409]

The brighter air that seems to surround prestigious institutions sedated her.

[Anonymous No.11369427]

>>11369403
That's pretty nice, I want to read it.
Also, your last sentence is too long.

[Anonymous No.11369445]

>>11369333
Deep! Fucking funny af

[Anonymous No.11369450]

>>11367382
"It's hard work staying woke" the gay brooklynite sitting across the boardroom opined, stirring me from my slumber.

[Anonymous No.11369452]

>>11369375

It gets better with the context of the first few sentences....at least I think it does.

[Anonymous No.11369513]

Every grunts inside the shuttle had gone silent after that last tremor.

[Anonymous No.11369555]

>>11369450
>"opined" instead of "said"
>"my slumber"
>using the phrase "sitting across the room" before the reader has any sense of what the room is like
5/10

Rewrite as:
"It's hard work staying woke," said the gay brooklynite.

[Anonymous No.11369560]

>>11369409
Like the imagery. Not necessarily great as a first sentence?

What's the second sentence?

[Anonymous No.11369591]

>>11369555
Thanks for the feedback.

How is:

"It's hard work staying woke," said the gay brooklynite. I stirred from my slumber across the dim Manhattan boardroom.

[Anonymous No.11369613]

Let the first nigger out.

[Anonymous No.11369626]

The scents of my early teens were barbecued lamb and burning buildings.

[Anonymous No.11369636]

“Just take your medication,” I remember my wife saying as I stare at her limp body on the blood-stained linoleum - but it’s too late now and they’re all closing in.

[Anonymous No.11369664]

They came at the break of dawn.

[Anonymous No.11369673]

The car shrank as it faded into the distance, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake as a wave of goodbye. It rode upon a series of bumpy hills before turning left and going out of sight for good. Marie’s gaze stayed locked onto the vehicle during its final turns, her eyes hunched under the weight of her scowl. Her lips remained tightened as her frustration, unable to follow the dust’s example, refused to dissipate.

[Anonymous No.11369802]

4chan is giving me shit for my post having "too many lines" so I will divide in two parts...anyways, here I go:

>>11367382
That was really bad, sorry OP.

>>11368027
For a novel it's awful, for a history book, not that bad I guess. In any case however, I probably wouldn't read it.

>>11368035
I feel like I've already read this...pretty cliche. Nope.

>>11368131
Intriguing, might read depending on the next few lines.

>>11368145
This one is really good. I hope to see this published one day. I would be the first one to buy it.

>>11368160
It's not good but not bad either. For personal reasons tho, would definitely read.

>>11368233
Is this the Bible? Nope. But might read depending on the POV as that one anon said

>>11368328
This feels a lot like you are projecting yourself....no.

>>11368375
Seems interesting, yes.

>>11369052
Too little for me to be hooked...no.

>>11369075
Once again this is a topic in Literature, vengance, I mean. The writing is good...but probably won't read.

>>11369205
Are you trying to be bad on purpose?

>>11369262
Yes if it's a high-school satire, otherwise...nope.

>>11369267
Maybe...it could be either really good...or really boring.

>>11369278
Probably not but it got my attention, I would like to see where this is going.

>>11369288
If this was comedic on purpose yes, otherwise, nope.

>>11369291
This is one of those things no one tries because they seem stupid but when they're done they end up being pretty good. Yes.

[Anonymous No.11369809]

>>11369802
And part two:

>>11369302
Ok....no.

>>11369304
Feels quite forced. No.

>>11369312
Again too little for me to decide but probably not.

>>11369317
If it's satire, I would DEFINITELY read.

>>11369321
Paulo Coelho is that you? No, in case it wasn't obvious.

>>11369333
Lol calm down cowboy. Nope.

>>11369343
Seems pretty boring, but might give it a shot depending on what's next.

>>11369350
It could actually be interesting but based on this sentence only, no.

>>11369358
>I awoke with a bang.

Is this essay-writing 101? Definitely no.

>>11369364
I once feel like I've already read this somewhere else, it's not bad just a pretty common way to describe drunkness.

>>11369372
Again, it isn't enough for me to decide but probably yes.

>>11369385
No.

>>11369389
Holy...ok, yes if it goes on like this.

>>11369409
Doesn't particulary excel in any aspect but you got me hooked, yes.

>>11369450
Probably no.

>>11369513
This one is a lot like the beginning of one of my short stories. Probably yes.

>>11369613
Is this serious? Nope.

>>11369626
Yeah, this one is good, not masterpiece good, but good. Yes.

>>11369636
This feels like a lot of shit is going on right off the bat. Yes.

>>11369664
That's just too little...no.

>>11369673
It gives me the vibes it will be of some kind of mexican melodrama, but I like it. Probably yes.

[Anonymous No.11369813]

>>11369560
There’s no second sentence. I just wanted to see how people would react to a shot in the dark

[Anonymous No.11369822]

>>11367382
My pweenis hurst rely bad.

[Anonymous No.11369830]

He lay asleep, a cup of coffee in his hand.

[Anonymous No.11369833]

>>11369802
>>11369809

And finally, here's mine:

There are not few the days when solitude invades me, and permeates my being. They are not few, in which it digs like a dagger deep into the flesh, and penetrates further, into my soul.

Keep in mind that this is the beginning of a short-story. I hadn't started on a novel just yet. Also, be aware that this one is a translation from spanish, and I seem to write shit that’s quite hard to translate, to English at least. So yeah, that's about it. Keep writing my fellow /lit/ fags.

[Anonymous No.11369858]

>>11369833
>not awaking with a bang

0/10

[Anonymous No.11369897]

—Some things are in our control and others not, Trevor Caca murmured to himself, hoping he’d close the first sale of the day.

[Anonymous No.11369907]

The boy rolled the candy over in his mouth and sucked with desperation.

[Anonymous No.11369922]

>>11369833
it's not that good. Let me see the Spanish. "permeates my being" and a "dagger deep into your soul" come on bro

[Anonymous No.11369996]

>>11369858
Found you, bang guy.

>>11369922
Ok, I know it might sound weird in English but I don't really see your point beyond that, are you trying to say it's cliche? If that's the case I was aware it could be, but as far as the story goes, it felt like a pretty decent beginning...I am not to judge however. Anyways, here's the original in Spanish:

No son pocos los días en los que la soledad me invade, e impregna mi ser. No son pocos, en los que se clava como puñal hondamente en la carne, y penetra más allá, en mi alma.

Thanks for the feedback btw.

[Anonymous No.11370005]

I woke up completely naked face down in a bathtub, and it wasn't my bathtub.

[Anonymous No.11370171]

>Our youthful indiscretions were a fleeting sweetness. I thought we could hold that time. Those moments that wallpapered my bare mind in vibrant masterpiece; but I know better now. Memories are layers of faded shades; and even precious things can rot.

[Anonymous No.11370191]

>>11369996
Np man. If you've gotten a lot of criticism or have given a lot you probably know by now that I'm feeling obligated to say, "Hey, it's not THAT bad. After all, I'm the critic, and if it sounds like I am being harsh, it only means I'm gonna praise it when it's that much better." Btw, it's better in Spanish. If even for the "carne" and the alla / alma end.

The dagger deep into your soul is yes, cliche, but not in a good way. I've known a couple dudes who have written like it, and it screams edginess, inexperience and lack of being well-read (and deeply read). You might be an exception, idk.

[Anonymous No.11370219]

>>11370171

Reads more like poetry.

[Anonymous No.11370282]

He wasn't shocked to feel a drop of rain on his arm as he struggled to strike the match.

[Anonymous No.11370291]

“Listen: I know I’m a murderer. That doesn’t change the fact that I am a man . . . and all men (I am speaking for all mankind here) demand to be treated with dignity. Of course, gentlemen, you will argue that I did not treat our dear friend Alexei Prodonovich (and he was dear to me, I assure you) with the dignity that was due to him, but that will be explained when we come to it. First, I must start with how I came to know the man, and in telling all this to you I hope you can understand why I had no choice but to kill him.”

There was raucous laughter among the psych ward patients who had gathered around the man.

[Anonymous No.11370346]

>>11370282
Solid enough
>>11370291
B8?

[Anonymous No.11370353]

>>11370171
>>11370219


What does that mean? Is that bad?

[Anonymous No.11370399]

>>11370191
Alright, thanks for expanding your take on it. I feel, as you would say, obligued to say, to begin with, that the wording wasn't "a dagger deep into the soul", it's written like it is in the original for a reason, even if that would summarize it. Also it doesn't have to be a dagger, it could be, but it doesn't have to, it could literally be any pointy sharp and short weapon made of steel, you know, as this is the spanish definiton for "puñal" while in English, "dagger" could also simply mean "daga"(like the one specific weapon). Sorry if you knew that already but I just wanted to make it clear, as I feel part of your criticism comes from the use of that specific word. I guess I should have gone with a 3rd person pov; as for your last few words, it actually reflects almost perfectly the essence of the character, I've got the strange feeling I did a good job even if it wasn't 100% my intention, I mean, I didn't want my character to be seem like a total freak/outcast/edgelord right off the bat, even if the story goes towards that path, and I'm not going to lie and say "that was the point all along kek". Well, that's it, sorry if it seems like I'm trying to defend nonchalantly something I already know it's not that good, but I couldn't bring myself to dive into your points without expressing all of the above, and as it is, I gladly accept your critic and I guess I'll have to keep working on not sucking as a writer, keep the good work you too....if you do write, that's it. Btw, you didn't answer the one definitive question, WOULD YOU READ IT? I'm guessing no...but hey, I need to know.

[Anonymous No.11370427]

>>11370399
I wouldn't, but I appreciate all the text. I'd read a chapter.

[Anonymous No.11370432]

Pigeons were not meant to be kickflipped.

[Anonymous No.11370482]

Even as he put his panicpen to the back of the target's neck, he cased her unit for objects worth any value on the black market.

[Anonymous No.11370486]

>>11370399

First, you're overthinking and reading into the subtext of your own work. When a writer does that it is the death of his prose.

Second, you are trying to hard. Good writing at it core is truthful in its simplicity and simple in its truthfulness. You need to write for your truth; and others will inevitably share in your human experience. If you write for others; it ends up convoluted, repetitive, and in your case a bit cliche.

Instead of:
>There are not few the days when solitude invades me, and permeates my being. They are not few, in which it digs like a dagger deep into the flesh, and penetrates further, into my soul.

Maybe try something like:
>The days when solitude invades me are no longer few. It penetrates further with time. An anguished blade between my ribs, digging ever deeper. I fear the day it will reach past my flesh to pierce my soul.

[Anonymous No.11370489]

>>11370432

I like this.

[Anonymous No.11370490]

“Rawr!” said the well endowed muscular dragon as it crushed my Buick with its freshly shaved genitals and ate my hat, killing my wife in the process.

[Anonymous No.11370538]

The gunman tossed the gun over the fence into the river and grabbing his belt he pulled down his trousers and urinated into the grass beneath the shade of the willow tree. It feels good to piss, he thought, putting his wet tipped penis back into his trousers, leaving a small dark stain on the inside of his underwear.

[Anonymous No.11370545]

>>11367382
We've both been rejected by the world. We both feel the same threat. And yet...here we are, fated to kill each other in the end

[Anonymous No.11370548]

>>11370399
>>11370486

I don't want to discourage you with my critique by the way. I think it's a great effort. Here's a quote from the man himself, Charles "fucking" Bukowski, that sums up my crituque.


“An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.”
― Charles Bukowski

[Anonymous No.11370557]

>>11367382
"The cold winds had yet to sweep away the ash enveloping what was left of a great city."

[Anonymous No.11370571]

>>11370545

>And yet...here we are
>...

...don't do this.
Use a semicolon for longer pauses and a comma for shorter pauses.

[Anonymous No.11370600]

>>11370486
Oh, such good advise! Thanks a lot, the way you rewrote it is really good! Is this kind of commentary I appreciate a lot. Even though I can't shake the feeling that that was along the lines of what I was trying to convey, but, with fewer words. I know diving into my own work like I did is terrible, I only do it...when confronted I guess, but this time I just got too into it, so I understand where you're coming from. I should've said to take that back there with a grain of salt, anyways, thanks again for your advise.

>>11370548
No, no, don't you worry, it's fine, I've had many of my short-stories critiziced before as well, and, while I have to admit it's never been this...harsh, let's say, I know in the end, everything said it's for me to improve, so no hard feelings there, nevertheless, next time I'll write something that is originally in English so I don't get the feeling things got lost in translation. And finally, wonderful quote, I didn't know old alcoholic Bukowki could be that good.

>>11370427
Thank you too for everything, I'll gladly present a chapter when it's done.

You guys are great I hope to find more anons like you in the future.

[Anonymous No.11370601]

>>11368233
You got that weird OT Jew syntax downpat

[Anonymous No.11370622]

>>11367382
Pacing around his neoclassical office neurotically, Max Fitzroy anxiously thought about the task that he had been assigned to complete by ten o’clock that night.

[Anonymous No.11370627]

>>11369075
I see someone else is excited for DMC5

[Anonymous No.11370631]

>>11370557
Somewhat interested
>>11370482
okay

[Anonymous No.11370634]

“I’m gonna cum,” he said, when all of a sudden a 1965 Mustang convertible with bench seats crashed through the wall of his house, causing his wife to scream and bite off his penis and sending his cat running only to be killed by a piece of shrapnel crushing its tiny body. “It’s gonna be a long day,” he thought, as his wife choked and died on his severed penis.

[Anonymous No.11370638]

>>11370600

No problem anon. I think your original style would translate really well into poetry by the way.

There are not few the days;
when solitude invades me,
and permeates
through my being.

They are not few,
in which it digs
like a dagger;
deep into the flesh,
and penetrates further,
into my soul.

[Anonymous No.11370643]

>>11367382
Cold winds blew down from the north to the tundra below, their howls seeped between the stones and boulders that were sprinkled around like the six-sided die tossed on the world by the twin gods.

[Anonymous No.11370649]

Curb your enthusiasm music playing


... No

[Anonymous No.11370651]

>>11370634

>sending his cat running

Am i supposed to sympathize with a man that willingly owns a cat?

[Anonymous No.11370657]

>>11369897
Sounds neat.

[Anonymous No.11370675]

>>11367382
Forward sudden, they moved as a man

[Anonymous No.11370677]

Let your nuts hang nigga.

[Anonymous No.11370679]

>>11367382
He used his gun, not to deal death to the living, but to give life to the dead.

[Anonymous No.11370680]

Cassandra Miller felt like she was being watched.

[Anonymous No.11370684]

>>11370538
gay

[Anonymous No.11370691]

In a well-known big modern city, with a vast and uneven scenery, with an unfathomable amount of windows and streets, populated by over two hundred seventy six thousand people, in one of its many apartment buildings, anguish was oppressing the soul of a man who was looking down to the street below, standing by his closed french balcony on the fifth storey.

[Anonymous No.11370693]

>>11370490
LMAO

[Anonymous No.11370697]

“Ting, ting, ting” the sharp metallic sound of my alarm clock when, as the piercing noises corkscrewed my eardrums like it’s done every day.

[Anonymous No.11370710]

It was a cloudless, clear summer morning on October 24th 1987, and she awoke with a start.

[Anonymous No.11370713]

The young man jerked his penis much like a trumpeter jerks the slide of his trumpet until little beads of jism danced out the head of his cock and landed softly onto the screen of his iPhone 5S, which at the time had been displaying a news story about a woman he knew from high school who had died in a fatal car crash that morning. Careful not to get semen on his hand, he carried his phone screen facing up into the bathroom, waddling with his pants around his ankles. Standing with his back to the toilet, he wiped the sweat off his asscrack with a few squares of toilet paper he had folded up with his other hand. Turning around to toss the toilet paper paper into the water, which now had two stray pubic hairs floating on its surface, he let slip the phone and it fell into the water with a loud plop. The shock was so great he shit himself.

[Anonymous No.11370719]

>>11368027
>The Spanish Civil War was a war

[Anonymous No.11370750]

“I’m pregnant!” said the retarded homeless woman outside my apartment who was also African-American, not that that matters.

[Anonymous No.11370763]

Funny thing, I found my uncle's cigar cutter on the hutch.

[Anonymous No.11370781]

>>11370638
Holy crap, this is fantastic, thanks once again anon.

[Anonymous No.11370793]

>>11370631
99 cents on Amazon, free with Kindle Unlimited. You could also read the synopsis
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MZB9I6S

[Anonymous No.11370813]

Hayden was a bad ass pretty boy with hedonistic streak when he went afoul of the law. The judge told him he could join the marines for four years of he could go to prison for eight.Hayden, being good with numbets, took the lighter sentence.

[Anonymous No.11370818]

“Don’t shoot,” my father said with tears in his eyes, “I’m begging you.”

“Dad, I—”

“And one more thing, what’s the name of that sad looking fella on the TV with the ill-fitting suit who tells jokes every night after your mother falls asleep?”

“You mean David Letterman?”

“Yeah, real funny guy, that Letterman. Made me laugh so hard the other night milk shot out my nose! Let’s see what the bastard’s doing now,” he said as he turned on the TV.

“Dad, it’s five in the afternoon,” but sure enough, there was Letterman on the TV, squatting over his desk nude as Frank Stallone looked on in horror. He strained for five minutes until little balls of poop fell out onto the desk. “Like a baby deer!” my dad said, turning to me with milk running down his nose.

[Anonymous No.11370852]

Weary companions searched for survivors throughout smoldering ruins, yet it was unlikely any had survived the woe of dragonfire.

[Anonymous No.11370853]

Charlie was my best friend in the whole wide world, and there he was, lying in that two-bit coffin with that stupid look on his face people get when they’re dead.

[Anonymous No.11370894]

I trudged through blood and bone that fateful day in the wreckage of the World Trade Center, desperately searching for my brother and his copy of season six of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In on DVD.

[Anonymous No.11370904]

Common belief proclaimed that traps were gay, although I knew that it to not be true.

[Anonymous No.11370930]

Sex is between a man a woman, and if you’re lucky two women, and if you’re really lucky two muscular guys with big fat juicy cocks.

[Anonymous No.11370942]

Forrest Gump was wrong. Life wasn’t like a box of chocolates, and in fact it had very little do with chocolate at all, the fucking retard.

[Anonymous No.11370954]

There’s one type of person I hate the most: myself, and also those goddamn dirty Haitians.

[Anonymous No.11370972]

The sun was shining through the early morning fog and it was beautiful day, except I hated that big stupid sun and wished I was dead, so I poked my head through the noose I had tied to the balcony and jumped, only to have the balcony collapse under the weight of my 400 pound body.

[Anonymous No.11371033]

It was 12:30 at night and the man had not touched the new book on his desk all day. It was The Old Man and the Sea, some story about a guy on a skiff, which is a good word to know if you’re writing a story about a guy on a boat but don’t wanna keep saying boat. Instead of reading his book, he had spent the majority of his day shitposting on an image board about books for people who don’t wanna read books and he barely had any (You)’s to show for it. So, with tears in his eyes, he typed his last comment and clicked post, eyeing the cocked and loaded handgun laying next to the aforementioned new book about the guy on the boat on his desk. It’s time to end this hellish facade of a life once and for all, he thought, and I better actually die this time, and not just end up with a big hole in my head that all the black kids on the subway throw used gum and candy wrappers at. What should my suicide note be? How about, vanity of vanities; all is vanity? Hey, that’s pretty good I thought, picking the gum out of my head-hole.

[Anonymous No.11371037]

>>11370813
Show, don't tell. Also, easy on the edge.

>>11370818
Pynch?

>>11370852
Too vague, language is trying too hard to be poetic.

>>11370853
Need to know more about the narrator, but I'd probably rephrase "that stupid look on his face people get when they’re dead."

>>11370894
Meme/10.

>>11370904
Poor grammar/10.

>>11370930
It knows what it is. Keep going.

>>11370942
Stop trying so hard to be edgy.

>>11370954
See above.

>>11370972
See above.

>>11371033
Allusion is too in-your-face.

[Anonymous No.11371490]

I was up to my eighteenth serving of Mr. Whitten’s ‘Lickety Split Choc Honeycomb Ripple Double Scoop Fundae’ when the paralysis set in.

[Anonymous No.11371500]

It is very common for a man’s nickname to be a ironic barb, given by his friends to demonstrate their closeness through insults – for instance, a very fat man called ‘Tiny’, or a man with an obvious toupée called 'Curly’ – but Cindy was soon to discover that this was not the case for Tony 'Cunt-Ripper’ Jackson.

[Anonymous No.11371503]

>>11367382
"Hey Joe, szhut the fuck up, nigger: I am become Cornholio, destroyer of minds, builder of the solar warrior."

[Anonymous No.11371563]

Call me Ephraim.

[Anonymous No.11371676]

>>11367382
Traveling fast, his car like an iron Moses, the empty farm fields opened up leaving Little Egypt.

[Anonymous No.11371682]

>>11368328
The American dream rocked for boomers, fuck you boomer!

[Anonymous No.11371692]

The phone rang with a jingle-jangle, so Dylan got up to grab it, with a choked hallo and some patience he waited for a reply, but at the other end a voice was turned in some other direction carrying a conversation not meant for him. The other guy did a phone thing and clicked off in a boop.

[Anonymous No.11371700]

>>11371503
Not bad.

[Anonymous No.11371705]

A child clawed at one of many flatscreen televisions in the dining hall, repeatedly dragging clustered fingers across the surface until it became clear the screen was not interactive.

[Anonymous No.11371749]

>>11367382
Yesterday, I finally dabbed on that nigga!

[Anonymous No.11371764]

>>11368027
how much do you make of this?

[Anonymous No.11371777]

>>11369288
>>11368145

holy...i want more

[Anonymous No.11371790]

>>11371692

[Anonymous No.11371831]

>>11370634
wew

[Anonymous No.11371846]

>>11370657
Thanks, man. Where's your piece?

[Anonymous No.11371857]

I haven’t been looking forward to my smoke break as much as I used to. Which sucks since it must have been the only thing I was looking forward to these days. Or, rather, nights, I mostly sleep during the day since I work the night shifts.

[Anonymous No.11371860]

>>11370679
Meh

[Anonymous No.11371862]

>>11367382

"Nigger, you better come clean my shoes."

[Anonymous No.11371864]

>>11367382
"Lonesome in presence and spirit, I stood upon a hilltop of sacred ground and greeted the coming dawn as it shed first light upon the misty ruins of civilization. "

[Anonymous No.11371865]

stop trying to write the next fucking moby dick opener; this is a premium cringe thread.
>>11367382
>>11368027
>>11368035
>>11368131
>>11368145
>>11369052
>>11369205
>>11369278
>>11369317
>>11369333
>>11369321
>>11369343
>>11369350
>>11369372
>>11369409
>>11370282
no
>>11368160
would read if you ended the sentence after "remembered"
>>11369288
>>11369664
yes

[Anonymous No.11371931]

>>11369664
>playing the pronoun game to force faux-mystery into a pedestrian sentence

[Anonymous No.11371969]

>>11371865
SHORT GOOD
LONG BAD

[Anonymous No.11372035]

>>11367382
I gripped those stained steel poles, cheeks sandwiched between, squished together and red. The sirens wailed high above and all around, the tattered remains of what was once a city, the old unmanned Metro swinging around the corner bend, hanging onto the rails for dear life.

[Anonymous No.11372052]

>>11367382

"What is power but an illusion we all agreed upon, Emperor?"

[Anonymous No.11372687]

Not a single good one. So this is the power of /lit/.

[Anonymous No.11372704]

What if you make it big but then people trace back some of your sentences to this place? You'd be completely ostracised from the mainstream literary establishment.

[Anonymous No.11372711]

>>11369302
You took this from the Dresden Files

[Anonymous No.11372716]

>>11368145
cmon are you guys serious?

[Anonymous No.11372724]

Unbeknownst to Elsa her hair, along with the top of her skull had gone.

[Anonymous No.11372738]

>>11368145
masterful

[Anonymous No.11373675]

>>11369403
id read it. don't listen to him about the last sentecne it's fine

[Anonymous No.11373873]

>>11373675

no, its not.

[Anonymous No.11373972]

>>11372687
Why don’t you post one then sucka? I swear to God if someone posted an opening line from a classic novel you’d shit on that too. I fucking dare you to post just ONE opening line from a classic novel that you wouldn’t shit on if it was posted by someone in one of these threads. Oh wait that’s right you fucking can’t.

[Anonymous No.11373993]

>>11372687

implying
>>11371862
>>11369664
>>11368145

aren't actually good lmao

[Anonymous No.11374030]

When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Pam’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother.

[Anonymous No.11374039]

The bespectacled, glazed eyes of Narky Jim inspected the workings and doings of the thread. "Hmph!" he grunt-exhaled, and then typed furiously. "This wasn't good enough." His screed continued. "This is premium cringe." He was, as he prided himself, unrelenting, honest, sharp, critical in his purportedly pithy put downs. That is why nobody appreciated him: they couldn't handle the truth, his truth. His eyes continued down the beautiful, blue thread. "WHAT!" He burst from his seat in shock horror --a post mocking him Unspeakable! "Who would dare?" The import, so it would have appeared to a sensible person, was that Narky Jim was a glib, jejune little know nothing, but Narky Jim knew what to do: He heaved his tremendous bulk back into his seat and typed. "Too long. Not a proper opening. Not funny. Try again. Probably just a butthurt poster upset like his opening." Then he snorted.

[Anonymous No.11374060]

>>11374030
not bad at all but for some reason the name pam made me laugh

[Anonymous No.11374110]

>>11374060
Would it be better if I changed her name to Prim (short for Primrose)?

Also I just came up with the next two sentences: "Of course, she did. This is the day of the reaping."