/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.11018479]

What are some examples of bad writing? Feel free to post image caps and the like.

[Anonymous No.11018489]

>>11018479
DELETE
I DON'T WANT ANY OF MY WRITING FROM OLDER CRIT THREADS TO BE SUBJECT OF YOUR LAUGHS

[Anonymous No.11018492]

>>11018489
This is purely for constructive reasons. Showing people the abyss, so to speak.

[Anonymous No.11018591]

Bamp

[Anonymous No.11018670]

>>11018479
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5hf6oZaIDU

[Anonymous No.11018687]

>Lysidike took her ability to read his mind as a matter of course, but his converse power was still unsettling. Time was only Anaximander ever gleaned what she thought with any proficiency; but he deduced her nature from what his oily smarts told him was the nature of a person, and only sardonically hinted at his mastery. Tlexictli didn’t even have to puzzle to catch her straight away, so the privacy she took for a metaphysical given in her youth broke up, and she felt her disagreements with her husband as dumb sensory pressures, like heat or cold. Their cross-purposes weren’t any easier for their transparency, but there was nothing to worry over – they’d conducted business together before becoming sentimental.

[Anonymous No.11018694]

>>11018479
You could take just about any passage from Ready Player One or Armada and have some good examples to take apart.

[Anonymous No.11018708]

>>11018479
try and deny it

[Anonymous No.11018764]

>>11018479
>"No!" She bellowed as Gabriel ravaged her. "Ummm yesh my lady me iz ready for second serving of your gangrenous farts! Me will fuck the farts out of you until you go poot poot poot!" Gabriel began to thrust harder and the farts, they did indeed come. Gabriel continued to thrust, matching the rhythm of his thrusts with his mistress' poots, he sensed ecstasy approaching. The lady let out a screech and Gabriel plunged in ever deeper, as deep as his 3 inches of manly meat could take him. "YESH YESH YESH ME IZ CUM ME IZ CUM" Gabriel wailed as white marble particles emerged from his phallic and flew into his Lady's bottom, ionically bonding with the floating farticles. These porcelain crystal balls of life gently rocked in the air around them. "By god Gabriel, we've actually done it. We've discovered the rarest of elements, the Br and Ap. We must report this immediately." The madam said as she caught her breath. Gabriel was exhuming her ass for remaining fart particles and did not catch a word of what she said. "Oh Gabriel!" She let out with a giggle.

[Anonymous No.11018903]

http://empresstheresa.com/look_inside/chapter_one

[Anonymous No.11018935]

>>11018687
Somebody found a thesaurus

[Anonymous No.11019218]

>>11018687
>oily smarts

This never gets old.

[Anonymous No.11019273]

>>11018479
Hissing, hackles lifting, the chicken’s head rose. Kahlan pulled back. Its claws digging into stiff dead flesh, the chicken slowly turned to face her. It cocked its head, making its comb flop, its wattles sway. “Shoo,” Kahlan heard herself whisper. There wasn’t enough light, and besides, the side of its beak was covered with gore, so she couldn’t tell if it had the dark spot, But she didn’t need to see it. “Dear spirits, help me,” she prayed under her breath. The bird let out a slow chicken cackle. It sounded like a chicken, but in her heart she knew it wasn’t. In that instant, she completely understood the concept of a chicken that was not a chicken. This looked like a chicken, like most of the Mud People’s chickens. But this was no chicken. This was evil manifest.
-Terry Goodkind, Soul of the Fire

[Anonymous No.11019276]

>>11019273
What on fucking earth

[Anonymous No.11019278]

>>11018479
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmKhGqWcJGY

[Anonymous No.11019285]

>>11018479
Go to Wattpad

[Anonymous No.11019733]

>>11018479
Anything I've written

[Anonymous No.11019813]

>>11018708
I deny it

[Anonymous No.11019835]

>>11018708
of all the things to criticise in IJ the prose should be the last thing. He perfected his style.

[Anonymous No.11019865]

>>11018694
damn... never thought of it like that

[Anonymous No.11019869]

>>11018694
was Marie Curie not married to a French guy?

[Anonymous No.11019909]

>>11018694
weak ripoff of cryptonomicon where the autismo cryptographer talks about his productivity in relation to getting off and event plots it on a graph. it's not like neal stephenson does much more than nerd pandering either but at least it's not so watered down.

[Anonymous No.11020681]

We need more garbage.

[Anonymous No.11020706]

my diary desu

[Anonymous No.11020710]

>>11019273
my fucking sides

[Anonymous No.11020732]

I hope my good old asshole holds out
60 years it's been mostly OK
Tho in Bolivia a fissure operation
survived the altiplano hospital--
a little blood, no polyps, occasionally
a small hemorrhoid
active, eager, receptive to phallus
coke bottle, candle, carrot
banana & fingers--
Now AIDS makes it shy, but still
eager to serve--
out with the dumps, in with the condom'd
orgasmic friend--
still rubbery muscular,
unashamed wide open for joy
But another 20 years who knows,
old folks got troubles everywhere--
necks, prostates, stomachs, joints--
Hope the old hole stays young
till death, relax

[Anonymous No.11020736]

>>11020732

>tfw AIDS makes your dilated asshole shy

[Anonymous No.11020742]

>>11019273
So this... so this is the power of objectivist literature...

[Anonymous No.11020814]

>>11019273
>Mud Peopl
How did he get away with it?

[Anonymous No.11020865]

Many people have noticed Dan Brown's unique way with words. Herewith a few choice gems:

>Although not overly handsome in a classical sense, the forty-year-old Langdon had what his female colleagues referred to as an ‘erudite’ appeal — wisp of gray in his thick brown hair, probing blue eyes, an arrestingly deep voice, and the strong, carefree smile of a collegiate athlete.
>('Angels and Demons', Chapter 1)
"Tell, don't show", Brown-style.

>"The Knights Templar were warriors," Teabing reminded, the sound of his aluminum crutches echoing in this reverberant space.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 83)
'Remind' is a transitive verb for most of us. Not for Mr. Brown. And if the crutches are echoing, why does he need to tell us the space is reverberant? Does he think we've forgotten about the crutches which were three words ago? To be fair, most people do forget everything Mr Brown writes as quickly as possible.

>He could taste the familiar tang of museum air - an arid, deionized essence that carried a faint hint of carbon - the product of industrial, coal-filter dehumidifiers that ran around the clock to counteract the corrosive carbon dioxide exhaled by visitors.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 4)
Just occasionally we get a glimpse into how Mr Brown sees the world and we realize he isn't a human being, he's just got hold of some human skin somewhere and is wearing it like full body suit.

>Overhanging her precarious body was a jaundiced face whose skin resembled a sheet of parchment paper punctured by two emotionless eyes.
>('Deception Point', Chapter 8)
Mr Brown clearly doesn't know what 'precarious' means. But this passes almost unnoticed among all the other things wrong with this sentence.

>A voice spoke, chillingly close. "Do not move." On his hands and knees, the curator froze, turning his head slowly. Only fifteen feet away, outside the sealed gate, the mountainous silhouette of his attacker stared through the iron bars. He was broad and tall, with ghost-pale skin and thinning white hair. His irises were pink with dark red pupils.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 4)
A silhouette with white hair and pink irises stood chillingly close but fifteen feet away. You have to admire Mr Brown's cavalier contempt for the laws of physical reality.

>As a boy, Langdon had fallen down an abandoned well shaft and almost died treading water in the narrow space for hours before being rescued. Since then, he'd suffered a haunting phobia of enclosed spaces - elevators, subways, squash courts.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 4)
Other enclosed spaces include solitary confinement cells, manholes, and bathrooms on trains.

[Anonymous No.11020873]

>>11020865

>Bernini's Fountain of the Four Rivers glorified the four major rivers of the Old World - The Nile, Ganges, Danube, and Rio Plata.
>('Angels and Demons', Chapter 100)
The Rio de la Plata, between Argentina and Uruguay. One of the major rivers of the Old World, apparently. Also, Chapter 100? Are there really people out there, walking around in public, who have read 100 chapters of a Dan Brown book?

>Only those with a keen eye would notice his 14-karat gold bishop's ring with purple amethyst, large diamonds, and hand-tooled mitre-crozier appliqué.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 5)
God is in the details, they say. Or is it the devil? Definitely one or the other.

>He was sitting all alone in the enormous cabin of a Falcon 2000EX corporate jet as it bounced its way through turbulence. In the background, the dual Pratt & Whitney engines hummed evenly.
>('The Lost Symbol', Chapter 1)
See above.

>Yanking his Manurhin MR-93 revolver from his shoulder holster, the captain dashed out of the office.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 17)
See above above.

>Captain Bezu Fache carried himself like an angry ox, with his wide shoulders thrown back and his chin tucked hard into his chest. His dark hair was slicked back with oil, accentuating an arrow-like widow's peak that divided his jutting brow and preceded him like the prow of a battleship. As he advanced, his dark eyes seemed to scorch the earth before him, radiating a fiery clarity that forecast his reputation for unblinking severity in all matters.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 4)
How do you tell when oxen are angry? They throw their shoulders back and tuck their chins into their chest. Also, what precisely is a fiery clarity and how does it forecast anything? What does Dan Brown think 'forecast' means? Ah, sweet mysteries of life.

>Five months ago, the kaleidoscope of power had been shaken, and Aringarosa was still reeling from the blow.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 4)
You would reel too if someone had just hit you with a kaleidoscope.

>The vehicle was easily the smallest car Langdon had ever seen. "SmartCar," she said. "A hundred kilometers to the liter."
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 32)
Just because you're fleeing the police, that's no reason to neglect fuel economy. Also, SmartCars do about 20km (12 miles) to the litre.

>My French stinks, Langdon thought, but my zodiac iconography is pretty good.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 3)
Who says modern schools don't teach practical skills?

[Anonymous No.11020879]

Anything written by Hegel

[Anonymous No.11020880]

>>11020873

>Pulling back the sleeve of his jacket, he checked his watch - a vintage, collector's-edition Mickey Mouse wristwatch that had been a gift from his parents on his tenth birthday.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 33)
Somewhere out there is an editor who tried to eliminate Mr Brown's utterly irrelevant details and was swept aside by the force of... of something.

>His last correspondence from Vittoria had been in December - a postcard saying she was headed to the Java Sea to continue her research in entanglement physics... something about using satellites to track manta ray migrations.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Chapter 6)
See above.

>Her compensation for a sixteen-hour workday was learning the ropes in the trenches with a seasoned politician.
>('Angels and Demons', Chapter 4)
Learning the ropes (of a naval ship) while in the trenches (with the army in World War One). When Mr Brown mixes a metaphor he mixes it good and hard.

>Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum's Grand Gallery.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Opening sentence)
Stand aside, Mr. Bulwer-Lytton.

>Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own.
>('Angels and Demons', Opening sentence)
See above.

>Death, in this forsaken place, could come in countless forms. Geologist Charles Brophy had endured the savage splendor of this terrain for years, and yet nothing could prepare him for a fate as barbarous and unnatural as the one about to befall him.
>('Deception Point', Opening sentences)
See above above.

>The Da Vinci Code.
>('The Da Vinci Code', Title.)
'Da Vinci' wasn't Leonardo’s surname. It means he was "of Vinci". This is like calling T.E.Lawrence 'Mr. Of Arabia'.

[Anonymous No.11020899]

>>11020880
Dan Brown is cheating. My fave is
>there are frozen fish in this glacier!
In italics,so we know the character is thinking it

[Anonymous No.11020910]

>>11020899

haha that's a nice one. If he'd just said

>there are fish frozen in this glacier!

it would have been a boring, reasonable sentence. How small is the difference between mediocrity and magnificence :)

[Anonymous No.11020930]

>>11020910
>Andorra, he thought, his muscles tightening

[Anonymous No.11020933]

>>11020930
Fuck it's even worse than I remembered;
>Andorra, he thought, feeling his muscles tighten.

[Anonymous No.11020957]

>>11020933

lol yes it's actually hard to remember things like this accurately because your mind just automatically turns them into proper human English :)

[Anonymous No.11020995]

>>11018764
Is this written by James Joyce?

[Anonymous No.11021109]

>>11019278
absolutely dead