/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:06:34 2017 No.9292897 [Reply] [Original]

My life is falling apart. Im in a slow downward spiral into an abyss so deep I never know when ill finally hit the bottom. Ptsd is ravaging my sanity and my wife might leave me. So ill do something I've never done before and share some poetry. Let me know what y'all think.

A drop of red.
Her hair; crimson, long, beautiful.

A drop of red.
Her lips; lushious, sweet, perfect.

A drop of red.
Her voice; captivating, serene, lovely.

A drop of red.
Her body; curved, sleek, elegant.

A drop of red.
Her; everything I want and everything I need, my muse.

A drop of red.
My blood; crimson, regret, guilt, pain, wrong, unending and finite

A drop of-

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:09:51 2017 No.9292911 STOP putting pussy on a pedestal.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:12:34 2017 No.9292920 >>9292897 >Crimson Stop it.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:14:12 2017 No.9292925 >>9292911 Far from that. I've seen my friends die. I've killed. I don't have anything else left. This is just a form of expression for me. >>9292920 Anything constructive for me?

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:18:30 2017 No.9292941 I don't like it. I think it's gratuitously cathartic to the point of authorial masturbation. and the style is simple and cliched. i would suggest you read Marcus Aurelius

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:23:00 2017 No.9292955 >>9292941 Thanks man. All of my poetry has been things I don't share with anyone.. Figured I might as well start being mote proactive... Give me something to focus on.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:24:18 2017 No.9292960 Holy.... I want more

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:24:43 2017 No.9292964 >>9292897 Fuck off

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:24:48 2017 No.9292965 >>9292941 Buying now. Should I get the standard version or the "new translation"

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:25:52 2017 No.9292969 >>9292960 >>9292941 Heading home now. I have more on my laptop. Would really love some feedback on them

Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:40:00 2017 No.9293032
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>>9292897
Not bad - keep at it.

I think the "Her.." portion and the "My blood..." portions could benefit from being a little more rhythmic, not in the sense of rhyme, but of meter.

Do you read poetry often?

I would suggest it, if you do not.

Anyway, I like the imagery you're playing with here, and the symbolic implications of the color red, but I think you could possibly take it further - if not in this poem then in future ones.

Conceptualize Woman, play more with the idea of what a muse is, and those kinds of things.

If you can explore your themes through symbols and their implications while still expressing yourself truly - that, to me, is great poetry.

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:41:45 2017 No.9293036 >>9292897 Wow you're better than Shakespeare!!!

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:54:23 2017 No.9293090 >>9293032 Appreciate it. Like I said you guys are literally the first people to read my poetry except for the one poem I wrote her. Trying to gauge where I need to go next

>>	Anonymous Sat Mar 25 23:57:49 2017 No.9293103 >>9293032 That whole poem started from taking a bath and saw some red on the tub from her hair dye... Odd how something so little can't create a poem... I guess that's why I've always liked poetry

>>	Pussyfag Sun Mar 26 00:25:44 2017 No.9293200 Just got home and apparently in my state of paranoia someone might read my poetry I had deleted it as soon as I wrote it. Ill wrote more as it comes and post if anyone is interested in the future. Ill try to write one tonight.

>>	Anonymous Sun Mar 26 00:44:45 2017 No.9293256 nice bait fag sage

>>	Anonymous Sun Mar 26 00:52:48 2017 No.9293276 File: 763 KB, 1000x1309, Alfred, Lord Tennyson.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9293090 >>9293103 I love poetry too. I don't write often, but I read it voraciously. Keep at it, friend.

>>	Pussyfag Sun Mar 26 01:06:47 2017 No.9293320 >>9293276 Thanks man. Something else to take up time on top of cars and work. >>9293256 Try again newfag

Anonymous Sun Mar 26 11:52:31 2017 No.9294779

Watch the movie Patterson (bc it's essentially your life from what I've gathered here) and some poets I like are Robert creely, John Whitcomb Riley, and Carl Sandburg. I like Octavio paz too but he's Spanish. Also read the essay to stay alive by Michel houllebecq. Make a new thread after that if you still need help. I don't know who you served for or for what purpose, but I appreciate what you stand/stood for

>>	Pussyfag Sun Mar 26 14:03:36 2017 No.9295348 >>9294779 Thanks. Ill give those a go.

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