/lit/ - Literature

>wake up
>go back to sleep
>dream about her
>wake up sad
>take a piss
>make coffee
>shitpost while coffee brews
>drink coffee while shitposting
>take a piss
>look at myself in mirror after washing hands
>force a smile
>shitpost more
>force myself to eat breakfast
>feel bad about not making music
>look at her pictures
>feel sad
>type a message to her
>delete it
>shitpost more
>jerk off
>feel disgusted immediately afterwards
>look at self in mirror after washing hands
>wonder why I'm still here
>look at skin blemishes and hope one of them is cancerous
>shitpost more
>play video games for like 10 minutes then lose interest
>take off my stained sweatpants and do a smell test to see if I can wear the same shirt tomorrow
>read one page in some novel over and over for 10 minutes
>go to bed and try not to think about her
Repeat ad infinitum

Great literature discussion

>>7426533
Quit smoking weed and start lifting weights anon. It will help, I promise.

sounds pretty good op. it'll be a lot worse when you have to have a job. i had an empty, unfullfilling, meaingless life in college too but at least i didn't have to get up early every day and time passed faster in classes than in work.

>>7426588
not op, but the one three month period of time where i was going to the gym every day and lifting/running for a couple hours were perhaps the most depressed i've ever been, or at least the most i've ever thought of killing myself. the anti-depressant effects of working out seem to be overrated.

>>7426573
Aside from the music part: Are you me?

>>7426607
Do you ever wonder about what she saw in you and how she could do something as cruel as starting a relationship with you in the first place?

I wonder about this every day.

>>7426631
>normie depression

>>7426643
That's the thing, I was a depressed piece of shit with no motivation in the first place.

And then she just made it worse.

>>7426533
First post was my life in a nutshell last year.
If anything, i'm more depressed now, except now i revel in my cynicism. Rather than hating myself, I hate everyone around me, and let them know it. Whenever I can, I will abuse some degenerate whore, or swagfag with the hopes of a confrontation.
I realise that I'm taking a step closer and closer to an asylum or jail and in a strange way feel vindicated and relieved at the thought, possibly because i actually know that I have a destination.
At a crossroads now between a masters or accepting an offer for a PhD but don't know if I have the will or the ability to commit to something for 4 years due to my seemingly non-committal nature.
Don't play video games anymore, don't watch TV. I literally sit and stare at the drapes or outside my window for hours.

>>7426533
>>wish more than anything in the world that I could sleep for the rest of my life
me too, someone please put a fucking bullet in me already

>>7426648
>Whenever I can, I will abuse some degenerate whore, or swagfag with the hopes of a confrontation.
>I literally sit and stare at the drapes or outside my window for hours.

how old are you senpai, and what do you mean by abuse? I'm starting to be like this minus the staring at drapes for hours.

Everyone in this thread needs religion.

>>7426663
I'm 30.
I've witnessed the change in youth culture from relative innocence (note the use of the word 'relative') to complete degeneracy.
I have verbally confronted (i.e. 'you're someones daughter you whore', 'grow up you fucking faggot' etc. . I've one spat at a group of young girls that were exiting a train station on the way to a festival. I stare at middle aged soccer mothers and join in their laughter with faked laughter when they talk about whatever pathetic big brother show they watch. I invite people to look at me and automatically attack with 'what are you looking at'. I've never physically attacked anyone though always hope someone will hit me so i can 'defend' myself.

>>7426686
>tfw can't feel the presence of God and feel so bad about lying to yourself, the church and God about being religious that you stop going

>>7426600
when i was at my most miserable i decided to get healthy, so i began exercising regularly and eating right. despite dropping close to 50 pounds i was still fucking miserable. however just this year, at a point where i'm fall less miserable, i've resumed exercise/eating right, and it's improved my mood pretty drastically.

>>7426689
I'm 18 and I feel sort of the same way. I treat people like shit to try and ignite a confrontation because I just don't want to live.

Do you also feel like there's a constant cloud of bullshit in your mind that never clears?

>wake up
>force myself out of bed after procrastinating for 30 minutes
>shower
>multivitamin, eggo waffles, and vyvanse, in that order
>stimmed out at school, social and high-achieving, but horny as fuck (meds give me high testosterone)
>come home from classes
>decide to make a late lunch
>shit, too lazy
>have a couple of beers
>take adderall IR for studying
>procrastinate by reading
>procrastinate by shitposting
>study
>finish studying
>think to myself, damn, I should go to bed
>stay up shitposting
>still stimmed
>it's 2 AM
>finally take cocktail of beer, melatonin, and zquil to knock me out
>wake up, half asleep, four hours later
>and the cycle begins

>>7426588
OP here

Was a huge "jock" in highschool, did football, swimming and rowing

Got to uni and kept up with the regimen but I realized I was mostly doing it for aesthetic purposes, it just didn't seem worth it when it wasn't in a team setting with my bros and you can't find dedicated team stuff like that at the uni level unless you dedicate your life to it.

The more educated I got the more nihilistic and selfish I became. I've always been an introvert, collapsed into myself and pursued interest in music and literature which naturally led to experimenting with drugs.

Weed is the perfect existential numbing agent

I think I need Christianity t b h

>>7426686
I really wish I could, I don't mean that in a fedoralord "hurr I wish I could but religions are all fairytales" I legitimately wish I could feel as fulfilled as people of faith must, I've gone to church a lot but I haven't gotten anything from it. I remember believing in God when I was younger the world felt different, I can't go back though, try as I might.

>>7426718
Worse than bullshit, there's a cloud of nothingness. One shadow of a thought replaced by another.

>>7426835
Dude. High school sports are GOAT. Was a swimmer as well, nothing beat that locker room banter.

>Wake up tired as all hell
>Coffee, no breakfast
>8 hours on and off of classes
>6-8 hours of work
>study
>Dab
>Masturbate
>Pass out

>>7426689
>30-year old
>acting like a tantrum-throwing 12-year old

I truly pity you.

>>7426890
>you will never know the feeling of PBing at the same time as your best friends ever again
>you will never know the feeling of greeting your teammates at 5am, exhausted but glad to see each other ever again
>you will never have a group of bros constantly pushing each other to their physical peak ever again
>tfw all relationships feel shallow in comparison
>tfw fraternity is dead
>tfw that ineffable bond that language can never express is dead

>>7426533

Try laying off the weed, you silly goose.

It'll sap your motivation, drive and spark. Yeah, it's mostly harmless, but 95% of people who smoke daily become sloven idiots. 2-3 times a month, tops, then it doesn't get tedious either.

>>7426835

Doing drugs every day isn't experimenting, it's being a junkie.

>>7426933
It and alcohol are basically soma.

>>7426689
haha holy shit anon you're fucking pathetic

>hope to die in my sleep
>wake up
>still alive
DEVILISH

>>7426689
You should take up a trip, I'd like to see more by you.

Psychotropics man, insanity or an hero

>>7426533
Do you not have any schoolwork?

>>7427459
I did LSD and briefly went insane (i.e. psychotic break). that was such a fucked up couple days. I never want to go there again

>6am, wake up, say bye to my gf as she leaves for work
>struggle to stay awake
>8am wake up but can't bring myself to get out of bed
>read/write
>tv
>1pm feel like shit to the point I can't stand being in bed anymore
>coffee/cigarette
>work out, guitar, video games
>fap
>shower
>usually around this time people start buying weed, only sell cause bills
>apply for jobs since I've been laid off
>read
>band practice
>continue practicing drums after bandmates leave
>cigarette
>late dinner with gf
>movies and snacks
>bed & 4chan
>rinse & repeat

That's a typical good day, some of it's depressing some of it's pretty nice. I wish life challenged me, trying to challenge it doesn't always get out what you put into it but I'm learning to increase persistence. I wish I could just tour for the better half of the year, maybe one day.
As of now I just plan to keep working out, pursuing music & hopefully find a job till I can really try making a career out of my music. Considering teaching drum lessons and seeing where that goes.
My fallback is to get a cdl license, being a poorfag fucking sucks & it's taking a bit of a toll on my relationship.

>tfw the only thing I can think to say in conversation is self-demeaning.

>wake up at 8:20am if my meds don't make me sleep through my first two classes
>Class until 3:30
>All my classes are with the same group of people 5 or so of which would say they're my friends but clearly aren't
>Go home
>Eat the same thing every day at 6
>Go back to campus
>Do hw or study until midnight with the same people I take classes with
>Go home and take my meds
>Maybe read for 30 minutes before I fall asleep
Living the dream

>>7426689
I want to read your autobiographical novel, anon. Underground man 2015.

>>7426533
>wake up
>wonder why i'm still alive
>coffee, black
>don't eat - food in the morning makes me nauseous
>go to work
>fight against the noonday demon
>drink even more coffee
>slowly losing ground
>get home
>eat maybe half a sandwich
>read books/articles until bed
>wonder why i'm filling my head with this - it's trapped in the coffin of my skull
>severe existential crisis
>take sleeping pills
>wonder if i shouldn't just take more
>black out
>wake up
>wonder why i'm still alive
&c.

>visit Burgerland and stay for a long period of time
>every single person I get to know is either on meds or was at some point
>energetic? Meds
>a little sad? Meds
>low grades? Fuck you, meds

And they wonder why they're so fucked up/sociopaths. Literally the only country I ever came across where taking medications for the most mundane thing is considered the one and only solution.

>>7426533
<

>>7427790
>>>livejournal

>>7426573
>>look at her pictures
>>feel sad
>>type a message to her
>>delete it
This hits me in a tender spot. I was miserable with her and now am just as much so without her and some villainous force would have me believe that I should contact her.

I think the worst part of my unhappiness is that I don't know what it would take to make me happy. I've only ever found happiness in other people. I've never been truly happy with just myself. In fact I'm miserable with just myself.

I'm at university. I live alone, 700 miles away from my family. I have no friends. Most people irritate me to the point where I never try to make friends. Actually, any time I'm in the vicinity of most people I just want to move and go somewhere where I'm alone. And the only time this ever bothers me is on times where I feel like I should have friends. It's going to be my birthday tomorrow. I have nobody to celebrate with and I'm probably going to go out and have dinner somewhere alone. That makes me sad.

I have had girlfriends before and that was the only time I felt really happy. When I was doing something with my girlfriends. The best memories I have are driving in the car listening to her music or walking in the park and holding hands with her. And don't get me wrong, I have no "oneitis". I've had multiple relationships, each successful for a while. I know I'll probably have another one in the future. And I'll probably be "happy" then.

But I don't want to live for happiness that comes from someone else anymore, because all that ever means is that I'm depressed and miserable when I don't have them making me happy. I want to make myself happy. I want to be happy with myself. I want to me satisfied with myself so I don't need a girl to make me happy.

Is this something I can do?

>>7427813
It wasn't really great for me either.

I've also been with other girls after her, but I saw her in person for the first time in a while the other day and none of that mattered. I realized I'm still in love with her. She's with someone else now and seems happy though, but she does seem to want me in her life.

I don't quite know what to do.

Butterfly will come back to wish us happy Christmas right guys?

>>7427730
fug Mane

>Think that maybe if I had friends or a gf I'd be happy
>Read this thread
>Don't think that anymore
Thank you /lit/

Did I accidentally go on /r9k/ by mistake?

I'm sorry you all seem to be in such low spirits. However, don't give up hope. The world out there, and the world within you, are both better than they seem right now.

I know it won't mean much to most of you, but I'll pray for you tonight.

>>7426533
sounds hot as fuck you dirty masturbator

>>7427853
Let me know if you find out. I find solace in reminding myself how much more productive I am without another, but it's the little things (having laundry done for me, having someone push up my glasses as I played accordion, having someone to bounce ideas off of, etc.) that add up to make it impossible not to miss her. I hear the word love I remember her; I see others hold hands I remember her; I see a woman, I remember her. I am miserable, but at least my dear friend, at least I am productive.

>>7427914
I'm not productive.

Even if I did suddenly start being able to create again, I've wasted the prime years for establishing myself as an artist sleeping and shitposting after dropping off the radar at 19.

Who would be interested in some 23 year old loser living in his parents basements art.

>>7427906
>The world out there, and the world within you, are both better than they seem right now.

If you only knew how bad things really were

>>7427925
Genuinely me, considering I am as you in age and situation. But that is besides the point; be productive for the satisfaction it provides which is superior in quality to anything a woman can offer. Be productive for yourself and not for the hopes of pleasing another and you will have something besides your misery.

>wake up
>feel terrible and want to go back to sleep
>slowly wake up
>first thought is about wanting to die
>head starts filling with thoughts
>think I should meditate
>its too late because I snoozed and have no time now
>go to school and try to pay attention but mind always keep wandering back to poinlessness of life
>work out, and go on 4chan inbetween sets
>eat
>go to BJJ
>finally my mind is distracted from thinking
>at the end of class scary looking MMA dude comes up and is actually a nice guy and says good work today and tells me he'll show me where I fucked up when rolling next class
>feel really happy
>blast music and smile on the ride home

We're all gonna make it bros, I've slowly gotten more depressed after high school with responsibilites and not hanging out with people daily, and even though I think about death like I never did before I know it's not an option because it would ruin the lives of people close to me. Find a hobby where you can improve and people can give you feedback back on it. Even though life is stagnant right now and the future is unclear know that there is so much shit to explore out there, and keep yourself distracted from bad thoughts in the meantime.

>read Proudhon's What Is Property?: or, An Inquiry into the Principle of Right and of Government in my goal of going through all relevant works about property, rights, government and law
>hope I'm going to write a world-shaking thesis about it someday
>realize I'm not doing it out of passion for learning or for the subject
>realize I'm doing it to stave off the feeling of emptiness in my life
>stop reading because the depressive feeling overwhelms me
>try to write a story again
>quit again after 5 pages because no one will ever want to read this shit
>wonder where my childhood creativity has gone
>wonder where my childhood joie d'vivre has gone
>wonder where my desire to meet new people has gone
>wonder why I get no joy anymore from social interaction so I hermitize myself
>go out and run 15km because it's the only thing that makes me feel something(complete exhaustion)
>repeat this for days that turn into weeks that turn into months, feeling like I'm just trying to run my time out, nothing more

>>7426686
this.

I send you guys/gals good vibes. All I can say is that we are all heroes in the struggle called Life. Set sail for the sun and don't look back. Peace.

>wake up
>cuddle boyfriend
>bagel with butter, green tea
>draw or read
>transit to welding shop
>write during transit
>weld things
>read and chat on break
>weld things
>transit home, write again
>eat dinner with boyfriend
>smoke a cig
>play cs or watch a movie
>draw, shitpost, edit, play music
>sex
>sleep

I have no goals or aspirations whatsoever I'm just waiting for a war to break out

>>7428082
just join ISIS then

>>7428085
I don't like ISIS
holding out for some sort of civil war in Europe

>>7426533
eh, that's pretty much how i felt in college.
the worst part is, when you get older, you'll grow to miss it.

>>7428082
join the Christian forces in Syria.

>>7428131
That's such a crude bastardization of Arabic.

Also joining Christian forces is a tacit support for Assad, Hizbullah, and Iran. It's unlikely you'd be allowed back.

>>7428103
become this guy

https://news.vice.com/article/meet-one-of-the-french-volunteers-fighting-against-the-islamic-state-in-syria

>>7428136
It's aramaic.

>>7428150
>aramaic
Oh, OK. I thought Aramaic was dead now

>>7428152
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aramaic_language#Modern_Aramaic

>>7428131
>>7428149
if I was optimistic about Syria's future maybe
>>7428136
anyone reasonable supports Assad and Iran

>>7428155
>supports Assad and Iran
Not Western governments

>>7427953
this desu
stay fucking busy with something you care about

>>7428157
exactly why I'm looking forward to the European Civil War(s)™

>wake up
>drink shitty freeze dried coffee because I can't afford better shit
>go to work
>mostly just space out at work
>eat something (usually takeout because I can't be bothered to cook)
>watch tv or play video games mainly to distract myself for a few hours
>try to convince myself to continue writing my novel
>It fucking sucks any way so I don't bother
>read for an hour or 2
>shower
>go to bed
>mind starts racing can't sleep
>try to cope with the fact that this is the end of the line. This is what my life has come to
>eventually drift off into unconciousness
rinse
repeat

>wake up at 9 in the morning on a saturday
>missed my chance to get the normal amount of sleep yet again
>shitpost while in bed until 12
>shower/shit/ eat breakfast
>go to a friends house, smoke weed and play video games until 9
>come home, watch football
>smoke more weed
>play some more video games
>smoke more weed
>out of the corner of my eye I spot my book rack
>guilt comes over me
>go downstairs to eat
>smoke weed and watch tv
>go to bed again

I feel I'm too old to be doing this and it's starting to get boring

>tfw haven't been on a date since my 18th birthday
>tfw haven't been kissed since my 18th birthday
I'm 20 now. I just want someone to go to the movies with and talk too so fucking much.

>>7428209
>tfw haven't been on a date
>tfw haven't been kissed, hugged, or had my hands held by a girl
>tfw haven't spoken to a girl outside of academics
I'm almost 21 now. I just want someone.

>>7428211
I was asked out randomly at work.
I got my first kiss on my 18th birthday
I went on my first day on my 18th birthday
I made out with a girl the first time the day after my 18th birthday
and it ends there.

Fucking hell Anna, it was 2 years ago and we went on 2 fucking dates and you're still in my head.


Best of luck, anon. Best of luck.

>>7428211
Stay pure anon, suddenly you'll fall in love with one and I wholeheartedly advice against that.

>fell in love with my best friend and told her
>tfw no gf or best friend anymore

>>7426533
Who /givingup/ here? Mulling over accepting that I'll never be happy and will be alone forever. Reading, drinking, and smoking seems like an acceptable way to die.

>>7428239
Hey, at least she didn't become your girlfriend then left you and now you have to pretend you're ok with being her friend because she seemed so sad those 6 months you were avoiding her and you felt bad about it, but now she has a new boyfriend she seems happy with so you can't really do anything about that but you still have to see and interact with her on occasion and you imagine that if you'll ever have to spend time with her AND her boyfriend you'll probably end up killing both of them and then yourself to be honest.

>>7428247
seriously cut her out but not in a malicious way
that's what I did

>>7426533

>Wake up
>wish more than anything in the world that I could sleep for
>the rest of my life coffee and a cig egg
>on toast walk to the bus stop school
>2 hours between classes for lunch and reading (get home)
>it begins smoke weed go inside and shitpost (for a half hour)
>smoke weed watch mindless television smoke weed (video games)
> with the roommates smoke weed play the same 10 (songs on my)

>acoustic guitar
>o-
>-ver
>and
>over again smoke weed
>smoke
>weed
>smoke weed jack off until I'm
>coooooooooooooooovereeeeeeeeeeeeed

>in sweat
>collapse into bed as I feel my-
>self drift toward annihilation
>10 hours of blissful dreamless sleep dragged
>back into the world kicking (and screaming)
>begin to wake up but force myself to go back (to sleep because)
>sleep is bliss wake up wish more than anything (in the world)
>that I could sleep for the rest of my life (etc)

>go through my hair
>look at my hands
>several small hairs hang between my fingers with the white roots clearly visible

>>7426533
>go into coma
>sleep for the rest of your life

Didn't read the rest

>>7426631
>>7426647
fuck... This is me. It destroyed me

>wake up
>work
>eat
>work
>probably stay overtime
>go to gym if enough time
>eat
>sleep
>repeat

Feel empty throughout

>>7426693

God is not in any church

>feels thread
/lit/ really is dead

>all the people in this thread that fell for the medication meme
>wondering why they are all fucked in the head

silly little idiots

>>7428161
i don't care about anything

>wake up at 4am
>immediately overcome with the feeling of billions of sentient organisms eating each other alive for no reason right now
>grab nearest bottle of spirits and annihilate my conscious thoughts with it
>pass out
>rinse and repeat

i'm just waiting on my helium tank to arrive. this universe is far too disgusting and heinous for me to tolerate

>>7428621
Finally, someone with a real, heavy feel. This thread has been nothing but

>wahhhhhhhhhhhh tfw no gf
>wahhhhhhhhhhhh tfw empty inside

so far. Fucking pathetic, /lit/, I expected more of you.

>Woke up, fell out of bed
>dragged a comb across my head
>found my way downstairs and drank a cup
>and looking up I noticed I was late

>Found my coat and grabbed my hat
>made the bus in seconds flat
>found my way upstairs and had a smoke
>somebody spoke and I went into a dream

>>7428065
fucking pleb

n-no I'm not j-jelly at all!

Feelz

>>7428616
reading ?

>>7428975
maybe 5 years ago rofl. i've seen too much of the world now for anything to still hold its allure. this existence is a trashcan on fire

who /eventualsuicide/ here

Anyone got OCD here?
I just want to kill myself, obsessive thought after obsessive thought is just wearing on me and I'd rather just end it to get rid of this black cloud.

>>7429060
I obsess over vomiting
never eat with my hands, constantly wash them, extremely particular about what I eat (I basically won't eat chicken unless I've seen it prepared) etc

>>7428621

Since we're on /lil/, you guys should red A Man Asleep by G. Perec. You remind me of it.

>>7429060
yup.

Intrusive thoughts have become more frequent. Reading is difficult at this point.

>>7429066
I obsess over my laptop because it's the only thing that is a source on constant comfort in my life that I've become incredibly attached to it and obsess constantly over it breaking or getting malware (even though I run linux mint which means it's basically impossible to get it)

I've taken up weightlifting to distract but the thoughts come back instantly after the workout and I'm always distracted by my shitty thoughts when reading.

>>7429085
me too senpai, what are your intrusive thoughts about?

>>7426600
>>7426594
Healthier lives will not solve your mental problem. Comfront your problems. If you have none, see a doctor.
Despite this fact, make sure you sleep enough. 8 hours at least, 9 if possible. And at regular times, it's importent. Do cardio work-out like running or walking, much better for you than lifting. Spend at least 2 hours a day exposed to the sun.

>>7429102
try watching a movie or playing a particularly hard video game
works for me because it engages more senses than reading

>>7429110
>2 hours a day

totally overdoing it. most studies suggest anywhere between 15-25 mins is adequate for vitamin intake and any more is just increasing your risk of developing skin cancers with no additional benefit. there's nothing healthy about a tan.

>>7429113
I don't own a console and my computer can't handle video games 2bh. Movies don't really take away the pain either.

I've lost interest in everything, anime and /a/ used to soothe the obsessive thoughts but I lost interest in that like a year ago and I've started falling apart ever since.

>>7429125
talk to someone then
double edged sword though because you may become reliant on that person and they will leave you (happened to me)

>>7428621
thats what makes the universe beautiful
but maybe im just an edgedlord

>>7429121
>tan
Wow, you're taking it too far man. You can go out to the park when it's not too hot, dressed up normally and even put sunscreen on if you're really pale. It's perfectly normal for people to spend more than 25 minutes outside, i'm sure you did it too, were you never a kid?

Also, it's about alot more than just "getting dem vitamins". It's about seeing nature and people, breathing fresh air and just feeling good. Feeling like a fucking human being, who enjoys the world and doesn't do stuff just for a fucking vitamin intake.

>>7429133
I may actually kill myself this week because of this post rofl. It's one thing for humans to callously disregard the horrors of nature, but thinking it's cool i can't abide. you disgust me to my core, anon :(

what's beautiful about this?

>>7429151
the outside world is a living, breathing nightmare. fuck off.

>>7426533
>>7426573
>>7426648
>>7426689
>>7426757
>>7426835
>>7426900
>>7426917
>>7427730
>>7427746
>>7427743
>>7427773
>>7427790
>>7427843
>>7427906
>>7427953
>>7428046
>>7428065
>>7428170
>>7428183
>>7428454
>>7428562
>>7428621
>>7428645
LMAO FUCKING EPIC POSTS M80S I SUBSCRIBED TO ALL OF YOUR BLOGS AND UPVOTED YOU XDXDXDXDXDXDXDX

>>7429166

>>7429102
>me too senpai, what are your intrusive thoughts about?

Mostly daydreams about an idealized version of myself. Sometimes, though, I worry about being the victim of a home invasion or some other violent crime.

I guess It all has to do with a feeling of powerlessness.

Weightlifting helps me too. It forces a connection to the physical world.

Maybe reading is hard because it does just the opposite?

>>7429156
And that's, my friend, why you're not happy. I'm afraid the sun won't help you.