/lit/ - Literature

It's shit

>>6179094
I'm hooked

My father- I think I see my father, in my Mind's eye.

It was early one morning when John awoke, from soft and uneventful dreams, to find that his room had been sprayed with bullets. ‘Not again,’ he said with a sigh before turning in and falling back asleep. It was too early to be getting up yet anyway.

http://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/2wo4w9/whats_the_first_line_of_your_book/

>user ghost_of_James_Brown
>I was halfway home before I realized the blood was mine.

>>6179103
#edgy

"Hey Bono, consumerism isn't so bad if all you consume is pussy!" shouted my friend of 1988-1996 during a performance of "One" by U2 at their Halloween '92 show at Dodger Stadium when I still had confidence that my own musical career would not fail me.

What started as a journeyman umbrella unfurlment had escalated along lines of latitude to atomic fire and genocide.

>>6179105
Lol I thought OP's line sounded suspicously like reddit: the opener.

After a considerable amount of time, most of which I spent in the care of the state (starting from an orphanage to a youth detention facility to a grownup detention facility), and after I had successfully ended yet another relationship, it finally dawned on me that the inevitable had happened, viz., for all these 27 years I had not been listening: my penis had been talking to me all this time and yet I was unable to listen, my ears had popped as if I'd fallen out of a plane.

>>6179103
>book opens with the character waking up
>doesn't want to deal with something
>goes back to sleep

I really don't think i could write something more generic if I tried

My ass can't fit in this damned chair. It rolls around in these valleys caused by overexposure morbid obesity.

>>6179105
HHAHAHAHAHA oh wow

>>6179105
>>6179120
>Interesting as fuck.
God, so it's true. Reddit is as bad as they say.

Today, like many days, I wished that I could vomit on demand.

I felt the sun on my face until the instant the doors of my tomb slammed shut on me.

A barometric low hung over the Atlantic. It moved eastward toward a high-pressure area over Russia without as. yet showing any inclination to bypass this high in a northerly direction. The isotherms and isotheres were functioning as they should. The air temperature was appropriate relative to the annual mean temperature and to the aperiodic monthly fluctuations of the temperature. The rising and setting of the sun, the moon, the phases of the moon, of Venus, of the rings of Saturn, and many other significant phenomena were all in accordance with the forecasts in the astronomical yearbooks. The water vapor in the air was at its maximal state of tension, while the humidity was minimal. In a word that characterizes the facts fairly accurately, even if it is a bit old-fashioned: It was a fine day in August 1913.

>>6179078
>>6179094
>>6179098
>>6179099
>>6179103
>>6179105
>>6179106
>>6179111
>>6179117
>>6179120
>>6179122
>>6179125
>>6179131
>>6179139
>>6179142
>>6179146
>>6179147
Interesting as fuck.

Sorry OP, my novel is literally just a 200 page long sentence. My first line is my only line and it's much too long to post.

>>6179078
He's now a patient, farmer shave and farmer clothes, condensing heavy and palms knobbed around two armrests, shivering at the raspberry topical, assuming the instant of septocane injectant.

>>6179157
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179158
Krasznakorhai pls go

>>6179157
interesting as fuck

>>6179165
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179111
very bret easton ellis tbh

>>6179165
>>6179157
>>6179168
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179157
>>6179165
>>6179168
>>6179177
>>6179183
Interesting as fuck.

call me ishamel

>>6179157
>>6179165
>>6179177
>>6179183
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179189

No.

>>6179188
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179156
Interesting as fuck.

>LE KWALITEE NUEW MEEM

Stan stood in the urinal stall, pretending to hold his dick with one hand and anxiously gripping his gun within his coat pocket with the other; he briefly wondered if rather than to comfort lesser men that the urine-soaked walls had been erected for his purposes.

>>6179208
>if rather than to comfort lesser men that the urine-soaked walls had been erected for his purposes.
Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?

>>6179219
Explain.

>>6179208

Obviously they hadn't, Stan's a retard. Also no shitter with a door in the establishment?

Give up now.

>>6179206
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179228
Th-thanks.

I wanted the girl who would let me do anything to her and have the decency to disappear afterwards.

I had scrolled halfway through the thread when I realized it was interesting as fuck.

>>6179224
I simply don't understand the content of that sentence

Comfort lesser men? They have been erected for his [Stan's] purposes? What purposes? Why should the walls be erected for him? What is that "if" doing there?

>>6179239
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179253
Lesser men are men with small dicks.The if is as in wondering "What if?". His purposes would be revealed in later sentences.

When he stepped off the straight and narrow path of his peculiar honesty, it was with an inward assertion of unflinching resolve to fall back again into the monotonous but safe stride of virtue as soon as his little excursion into the wayside quagmires had produced the desired effect.

>tfw not writing a novel but I thought of opening lines anyway.
I went back to the bridge today; I couldn't cross.
Ours was a peaceful town.

Feel free to steal these.

He gave off a well practiced air of discontent, not because he actually was but because he believed it to be expected of him.

>>6179265
Shouldn't it be then

>he briefly wondered whether these urine-soaked walls had been erected for his purposes rather than to comfort lesser men

but it's still a weird sentence

>>6179275
I will, because they're interesting as fuck.

>>6179183
>>6179188
>>6179157
>>6179190
>>6179195
>>6179205
>>6179229
>>6179224
>>6179257
interesting as fuck
>for you

He opens in half, right down the middle, and his innards are lined with dark blue felt and bits of cloth.

The walls of King Alexander's bedroom were adorned with oil paintings of nude boys.

It's 4 am and I'm chain smoking some hideous menthols in the bathtub, menthols I don't even remember buying, but I suppose I must have because I'd certainly remember stealing them.

>>6179271
It's a little wordy. Not bad, just... I don't know, it feels like watching an SAT study guide tumble around in a dryer.

>>6179323
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179323
Interesting as fuck

>>6179323
>I can't remember driving a car here but I certainly remember driving a truck

like, what

>>6179371

As in he knows he didn't steal the cigarettes because he would have remembered if he had, so even though he doesn't remember buying them, he knows that he did through deductive reasoning.

Interesting as fuck.

>>6179323
nice. Id read it

>>6179420
aaaah misread the "I'd" by "I"

Thank you anon, you are a swell guy

>>6179078
literally reddit shit
>>6179099
shit
>>6179103
no talent
>>6179111
PoMo shit out of starbucks
>>6179117
dictionary
>>6179122
ok
>>6179131
unfunny
>>6179146
unfunny
>>6179147
overdone
>>6179156
>the first line
>>6179161
too, many, commas,
>>6179189
overdone
>>6179208
bad, unwarranted use of third person
>>6179239
decent
>>6179271
shit unless you were sent into the future from the 19th century
>>6179279
mediocre
>>6179311
have fun continuing in medias res without it being shit
>>6179318
ok
>>6179323
every teen boy's first story ever, generally poor prose

>>6179438
>too, many, commas,
but they are necessary

>>6179438
y-you're unwarranted

"Wow you actually went out of your way to acquire this garbage"

>>6179438
One of those (I won't tell you which) was literally a shakespeare quote and you called it shit. Anons feel free to disregard this moron because he has no idea what he's on about, and he is indeed interesting as fuck.

"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice."

>>6179464
Shakespeare is overrated you fucking pleb as shit redditor get out

>>6179467
you're supposed t be dead Gabriel!

>>6179469
Also opening line =/= any random line you want. The best final line of a book could make the worst opening line in existence.

You didn't trick anyone faggot.

>>6179469
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179438
The in medias res comment is unwarranted. Many classics begin in this manner (including many Renaissance plays, such as the Duchess of Malfi), and it doesn't necessarily mean there won't be any exposition, at all (I believe the lack thereof is what you were criticising). That would be a stupid assumption to make.

>>6179438
Are you that guy from the poetry critique thread that everyone started imitating?

>>6179488
No, that was me. The one that said I have real clients? He's not me but I am lurking right now.

>>6179480
for future purposes

"Well here it is, m'lady, my katana and piss bottle collection."

He poured the frosted flakes slowly into the bowl wishing aloud that they were fruit loops instead. You see he hadn't yet realized there wasn't milk in the fridge, but he soon would.

>>6179482
>Many classic works begin in this manner so it is ok

>It's impossible for something to become cliche
>It's impossible for anything to ever get boring
>Deus ex machina is ok guys Homer used it!!

>>6179499
The funny thing is, this could actually turn into a modern Lucky Jim-type sarcfest, if handled carefully.

Humans had always hated the forest.

>>6179464

It's the one about Bono, right?

"Blasted! I....I was cucked again!

>>6179464
HAMLET
[....]
Methinks I see my father.

HORATIO
Where, my lord?

HAMLET
In my mind’s eye, Horatio.

>>6179208
>he briefly wondered if, rather than to comfort lesser men, the urine-soaked walls had been erected for his purposes
still terrible, at least it makes sense now

It was a stormy night. And it was really dark. The man was walking through the mist. A light shone through the misty mist and illuminated the man. His face looked like Satan. So was really he a man?

>>6179600
nice dubs

>>6179624
SUSPENSEFUL

TELL ME::::: IS HE REALLY A MAN IN THE END???

>>6179624
Interesting as fuck.

>>6179624
spoopy

"Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed"
"All Star", Smash Mouth.

I am seriously considering this.

"Nowhere" was, of course, the only possible answer
"Not even in my own mind?" I said, each syllable deliberately spoken, to the clockmaker.
I would never tell it to his face (though I'm sure he knew just from looking at me), but I found his answer to be interesting as fuck.

>that feel when you're reading a book and it has an interesting first sentence
>by the second sentence the focus shifts to something completely different and far less interesting
>by the second sentence the tone changes to a bland, passive voice, that sounds bored to death
>the energy and zeal in the first sentence never comes back for the rest of the chapter
>you begin to wonder if the author even wrote the first sentence of if it was just some writing prompt that he's submitting

Don't be that guy, /lit/.

The final pass of Burt Ryan's career eluded the outstretched arms of his receiver and fell harmlessly to the ground.

>>6179701
I like this one

my take

>The final pass of Burt Ryan's career eluded the outstretched arms of his receiver and fell to the ground, harmless like a rocket missing its warhead.

>>6179701
Probably the best of this thread.

>>6179712

Jellybeans on a wedding cake.

There were no waterfalls in the town of Lennox Falls.

>>6179701
Interesante as fuck

>>6179737
interesting etc.

>>6179624
The satan mans eyes flinched at the light "arcchkg". It was the holy mans symbol of Jesus that made him say arcchkg. "I knew it" yelled out the hole man loudly. the satan man exploded in a poof of mist. "I knew you were satan all along" and the holy man got on his Harley and rode off into the hot sunset.

>>6179078
And so but like what was it let's see.

“The snow has subsided early this season.”

>>6179794
Truly a Tour De Force!
-Chef Excellence

>>6179078
"You see me now a veteran, of a thousand psychic wars."

>>6179498
Just seeing that this is real hurts my soul
>6179677
Nice meme

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?"

My whiskey soaked cognition is sadder than all this world's cancer kids.

>>6180039
Intrest as fug

>>6179078
On the bus, the window, now I'm looking out, a nose-bubble grows in my sight, (the space between I'm forced to share) when lapdog takes a lick, pops, and sneezes on my friend, sweet Jesus, what have I gotten myself in?

>>6180066

The debris of the canoe laid strewn on the banks of the river; a body of one of the men gently followed the current and went over the lips of the waterfall.

"Interior crocodile alligator, I drive a Chevrolet movie theatre," he thought, as he removed the foil wrapping from his Lindt Lindor Milk Chocolate truffle.

Blind kids click to see their surroundings
and deaf people struggle to wake up on time:

"Zing-Zap-Zimbardo-Zamboni
Dick cheese in my macaroni."

Echolocation and silent buzzings break the minister's train
(of thought? I thought not), which is manned by a pagan engineers.
Why? To which the writer answers irrelevantly,
because god's workers can't see nor hear
that which can't be seen and/or heard
like senseless, but very sensible, impaired flesh-bags.

"I have a monopoly on finger moisturizer,
made with Tripoli traced fertilizers
brewed in old faithful springing geysers."

So says Dr. Doolittle's patient's cat: Mr. Whiskers.

Oh, and the last of the Mohicans chucked a stick at a broken down Passat in neo-Tokyo's virtual underground GTA simulator.

>You might wonder, dear reader, why would someone shoot a man before throwing him out of the plane.

I visit a sparkly cesspool on/in the internet called 4chan, and since then I can't stop thinking about circumcision, intellectual elitism, and becoming an hero: but that's just the problem Mom, you're fucking dead.

>>6179224
this is what >>6179219 is referring to

>>6180630

Stolen from The Dark Knight Rises: I hope you know this.

>>6180646
He probably knows this.

http://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/2cfb85/bible_believer_here_no_liberal_christians_need/
What was in that post, OP?

>>6180674
I didn't post it, I found the thread on /r/writing, the only literature board on the internet worse than /lit/, and felt the top post was too ridiculous not to share

>>6180646
The next line is:
>You might also think, my dear reader, that someone should get this hothead out of here.

>>6180646
You're new here, aren't you?

It was early enough for the thin haze of time to slow, as the world, reluctant to rise into laborious day, lied still.

"Now that third plane is outta the game it looks like we are going to have to bring number 7 down and hope it gets blamed on the first two"

in 2015 i was hospitalized for dank memeing

As I ran down the dark alley way from the gang of thugs behind me, I realised: "Am I just running from myself?"

The first line of my metaphysical novella about determinism.

>>6180749
Interesting as fuck.

I remember them huddled together and trembling, like little pups just separated from their mother; there isn't a day I go without thinking what I would do to go back and say sweet words to calm their poor, poor damaged teenage minds.

I remember them huddled together and trembling, like little pups just separated from their mother. What I would do to go back and say sweet words to calm their poor, poor damaged teenage minds.

"Dicks," he said. "That's what it all comes down to, when you think of it."

>>6179078

"this one time i saw pearl jam and it was kewl."

it's a novella about the transcendental nature of audiosymphonics.

Ivan the Terrible was the first tzar of Russia.

Just out of predawn and well into the eye aching sunlight of a still, but fucking freezing, late november morning, April came to a stop and noticed a palimpsest of familiar characters smeared on the sidewalk beneath the feet of a strange man who's appearance made April entertain the idea that she could have in fact left her hair-straightener on in her bathroom.

Please, please give me a Second Grace.

>>6180697

nope

>>6180971
>april came to a stop
dropped

"The heat went out last night."

>>6181023
What's your book about?

>>6179158

>Georges Perec browses /lit/

My mother knew she lost her little girl when my vibrant song faded to a sweet, sad hum.

>>6179078
The sun was at such a location in the clear sky that one couldn't determine the time. Normally this would be refreshingly vague, with the comfortingly warm breeze of late July brushing against skin and ruffling hair, one could forget what year it was and what their name was.

>>6181729
>the first sentence

>>6179078
>>6179099
>>6179103
>>6179111
>>6179117
>>6179146
>>6179208
>>6179624
>>6180066
>>6181723

HOLY SHIT THIS IS FANFIC TIER LMAO

>>6179125
>>6179438
>>6181752

> missing his ebin reference and joke

Orange juice and grits came upon horizon: and as we spoke in the field, I made my first love with the lydian winds.

>>6181752
One of them was literally a rip off of a Bukowski line haha

>>6182082
>being able to recognize a bukowski line
you're both plebs

>>6182087
At least we know it, friend.

I idea of you running away makes me incredibly sad

>>6181791
>tfw someone understood why I made it so generic
>tfw someone got the reference

Wow, /lit/ really is shit.

>>6182142
As it always was and as it will continue to be.
You new here? Make sure to ask the women at the counter for your complimentary estate pipe and copy of Beyond Good and Evil.

>>6182148
>We're shit and that's the way we like it. *tips fedora and chain smokes in the bath tub but doesn't remember buying the cigarettes*

>>6182148
>estate pipe
>implying lit doesn't ecig like the faggots they are

>>6182151
I never said I was a fan of the state /lit/ is in, just that it's mostly shit. If you dig through the mounds of shit enough you'll eventually come across a shiny coin somebody accidentally swallowed but then you have to ask yourself if it was really worth wallowing in human waste for it.

"Argh, I'm cumming again!"

There were prodigies and portents enough, Patches says. We must blame ourselves for misinterpreting them. Patches' handicap in no way impairs his marvelous hindsight.

A squat black telephone, I mean an octopus, the god of our Signal Corps, owns a recess in Berlin (more probably Moscow, which one German general has named the core of the enemy's whole being). Somewhere between steel reefs, a wire wrapped in gutta-percha vibrates, I hereby ... zzZZZZZZ ... the critical situation ... a crushing blow.

>>6182284
Interesting as fuck.

>>6182152
Lol no

Anonymous
04/19/23 (Wed) 00:00:00 No.99769458943

ebin

>>6182332
Interesting as fuck.

Team watched the second hand of his alarm clock sweep along its arc, still ten minutes before it would sound and he would be forced by the noise to throw off the blankets and step into the day, and he wondered what it might feel like to live on a planet where there were no nights. If there were only a single long expanse of sunshine between a person's birth and death, how would the passing of time feel?

It was Tannahill's fourth expedition to Laikipia in two months, but the Maasai had so far proved to be immune to his arguments.

>>6182620
>had so far proved to be
you're wasting SIX WORDS in your most important sentence on this diarrhea?

Call me Ishmael.

>browse these threads simply to feel better about myself
>would never actually post my own work that I plan to publish, because every 4chan post has been automatically archived by several non-affiliated websites for years now and I don't like the idea of some dodgy archive having early versions of my work on the internet

>>6182677
Interesant as fuk

>>6182660
Interesting as fuck.

>>6182685
I'm glad that you caught it's actually the opening of my novel.

>>6182677
> tfw you soon realize a lot of the work here is better than your own and that you don't have anyone to help you out.

>>6179157
This

>>6182133

don't worry mane your relatively giggly joke wasn't lost on me

>>6182133
is it john mcclane?

>>6179078
Today was the weirdest day eva; I bumped in to Sonic on my way home from Zelda's house.

>>6179501
2spoopy2+2me

>>6179740
A Eurythmics fanfiction? Go on...

>>6183075
they saw a rock. but it wasn't a rock; it's a rock lobster

>>6183081
did not mean to reply to you >>6183075

I'm digging into the riches of my molar, eyeing up this girl on the bus - she's blonde, timid, cruel lips - and it occurs to me that I haven't spoken to a soul in days.

>>6179078
"I had these loud neighbors."

>>6183048
Is this how that insanely long Smash Brothers fanfic bagins?

>>6179078
Most people would give anything to live twice, eve their lives.

>>6179323
Yesterday I found a very old story of mine with a similar opening line. Shit was horrible.

>>6179467
First time i've read that in english. Feels weird as fuck

>>6183130
Actually I'm reading the book in French but not a large number of person would recognize the thing.

>>6180645
4chan was childish back then, damn.

>>6183217
"back then"

it's still /v/

>>6179438
>unwarranted use of third person
How is any use of third person unwarranted?

>I woke in an unfamiliar room, clean and shivering and clad in flannel, briefly wondering where my little pottery shards had gone.

>In a room with no walls there is a book with endless pages.

>>6179161
Now this piques my interest. If you can keep this up, I'd love to read it.

Every life’s a certain color—and mine was red.

>>6180124
This line could be gentle without the use of the word "gentle". Too many "the". Revise, but potential exists.

>>6180751
;O

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

God told me he'd be here.

>>6183528
That's fucking shit you pretentious faggot

Billy Gray was my best friend and I fell in love with his mother.

>>6183528
Are you Borges!?

You know what to do with that big fat butt.

Oh my god, dad died, but in SUCH a funny way

Looking in the mirror gave Jill an uncomfortable feeling which she never could shake.

> My apartment is this crooked little second-story flat near the centre of town.

I've been focussing on making this sound like a natural dialogue

>>6179156
hello Pycheon

the guy interviewing me for this job clearly doesn't understand memes on the level i do, i thought to myself

He slowly opened his eyes from his deep slumber; it was raining outside. He slowly sat up, smirked, and said, "I shall make them pay," as he stared at his reflection in the katana.

>>6179156

http://www.amazon.com/The-Man-Without-Qualities-Vol/dp/0679767878

nice steal from chapter one.

Is it a good read? Looks interesting and relatively well written

With a plaintive creak, the rotten wood of the church gate yielded to the reverend’s touch and swung out.

>>6179179

that's why it's annoying and not good

>>6179103
I like the Metamorphosis reference.

Not so much a line, more a very brief albeit shit poem.

"Leaf eared nobility
Cultural adaptability
Beyond the Heartlands spine
Elves roam triumphant"

I was almost halfway home before I realized the poop in my hands wasn't mine.

>>6184186
first line sounds a lot like the trial. muh kafka.

>tfw all these interesting as fuck posts have been deleted

yet /pol/ is still all over the first two pages
"cool"

Two hours before dawn I sat in the peeling kitchen and smoked one of Sarah’s cigarettes, listening to the maelstrom and waiting.

That is the last time I'll have sex with a man.

Anyway, what I meant to say was that her love was like the innocence of the womb, or the embrace of the grave.

>>6184798
lol I got a warning for posting "interesting as fuck" once. our mods are fucking awful. and boring. as fuck.

>>6184959
why don't they delete all the off topic /phil/ posts for once.

>>6184966
Because no one actually discusses fiction except for Homer, they just drop opinions.

>>6184959
>>6184966
so we can conclude that the mods suck big time, not deleting/banning this huge tide of shit and just deleting the small crap

"interesting as fuck" stays

>>6184787
>One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin.

Bill detached his balls each morning so he could focus on his work, but by midday he'd grown another pair and that's why his friends mistook him for a ball hoarder.

"Tough luck kiddo," I told my dad, and sliced him up with my katana before banging his girlfriend.

The building stood in front of him, contrasting the yellow sky as if pressing against pale skin.

Her mottled emerald skin gleamed with thick slimy excrete in the silver moonlight as she laid on her back by the river, letting the gentle water run over the delicate webs of her feet.

Almost of all these are cliches. Is this the point? Are you all writing 2quirky4u pomo dreck?

>>6179078
At night before bed my mother would read to me tales of dank memes.

They say "The fire rises", but I always noticed that the smoke rose higher still.

>>6180697
It would seem, thou art.

[white enneahedron is opened.
claw of sand crab removed, crushed,
imbibed nasally by B. MAGUS]

"Repeat."

>>6179078
'On the other hand,' he continued.

"dude,"[1] said James[2] in a coarse voice[3], emphasising the second vowel[4], "weed[5] lmao[6]".