/lit/ - Literature

Does anyone here actually know anything about writing? Publishing?

>>22766458
>grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported
I don't know what that means. Is this one of those, "the general has a dedicated shitposter with a favorite topic" things? Is "grounds keeping prose" a pejorative I've never heard of, like "purple prose"?

Gonna spend this evening thinking up ways to fourth-wall-break engage with my potential readers. Trying to figure out a clever puzzle to put into a poem. not a riddle.

>>22766491
>Is this one of those, "the general has a dedicated shitposter with a favorite topic" things?
Yes. Please don't summon him.

How do you learn to write plots like this? This level of genius just makes me want to fold like a bitch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbzWYjVrvpI

>>22766539
you hyped it up so much and i was not entertained. the plot is literally just an average chinese greaseball type shit. also boring.

>>22766486
Writing General’s Seed and Feed. Formerly F Gardner’s Suck and Fuck

>>22766486
i know my way around a astm e1527-13

>>22766486
Xir, this is a trans inclusive community. We only bitch, complain, and give compliments to horrible writing.

Is there a good "idiots guide to writing narcissistic personality disorder"?

So have any of you fag achieved anything with those serial novel sites or are they just another cope like self publishing on amazon?

>>22766797
I make ~3000 a month via patreon. Going full time starting this January

>>22766486
Tell me about publishing

I have failed hard

>>22766833
Post proof, even checking deposits.

GUYS IDEA
What if I delist my book from Amazon and contact an editor? Can they accept my book even if it was already released?
Better 10% then nothing at this point.

>>22766833
So did you follow the formula to an autistic degree or just write your own thing? Are there indicators that your work is doing well or when to quit and start over?

>>22766833
Let's say we believe you.
Doesn't a weekly schedule kill your creativity? Do you actually plan a story before you start it?

can you be productive on weed? i dont smoke a lot, but id like to smoke some when it’d be beneficial. just not if i cant write

>>22766840
Pic

>>22766853
The trick is already being autistic. I like power fantasies and progression. I grew up reading stuff like The Wheel of Time and pogging whenever Rand got a power up. LitRPG and other genres distilled that dopamine-inducing structure into its most refined form.
Look, I'm not defending it, but it's where our society as a whole is headed. I like writing it. Though admittedly I don't actually read that much these days. I read absurd amounts as a kid, but now I mostly write.

>>22766856
There's up and down periods. Some chapters I'm excited to write. Some I'm not. I think that's what any author who writes with regularity will say.
I plan the story in a vague sense. I try to at least keep the arc's ending in mind.
More importantly, web serial authors need to come up with a premise that works well with cyclical, free-form plots, so you don't NEED to have everything planned. I've learned to not make world-building statements that might become troublesome later.

>>22766600
Okay then, got any asian greaseball libo?

>>22766853
Sorry, answering the second part of your question:
I've released 'story starts' under at least 5 or 6 pen names. All of them have hit trending to some degree. My best hit top 3 in RoyalRoad's rising stars. If you don't hit Rising Stars at all (and you followed best practices: frequent releases and good title, summary, image) then it's time to start over.
Assuming you're writing to gain an audience. If you write to scratch an itch, or express yourself, don't pursue readers and money. I'm just a lucky autist who can do both at the same time.

>>22766903
way to go anon. how many series did you start before you started to pop off? im thinking of getting into writing web series, but not for pay.. as i wont be leaning into the meta. not yet anyway

>>22766915
>>22766917
nvm, this is what i was curious about

>>22766903
>almost 20% in fees
>before taxes
Fucking hell. Have you tried using a different payment platform?

>>22766915
Ah thank you. I have been posting a traditional fantasy up to 47 chapters pretty frequently but only got 70 followers so far, probably never got to trending. I'm debating whether to start over but I also like what I'm writing and have a lot planned ahead to.

>>22766915
By "start over", do you mean simply scrapping the idea and trying something else or making a new account and trying again with the same idea?

>>22766948
Like what? SubscribeStar or Ream? The fees are lower, but not by a lot, and readers don't already have their cards plugged into those sites. There's a reason everyone uses Patreon--and Amazon, for another obvious equivalent.

>>22766961
If you miss out on hitting Rising Stars, your chances for 'blowing up' are close to zero. And that opportunity passes after about 4 weeks (I hit it a few days in, every time I test an idea out). Do with that information as you will. Also be aware I write 'on-formula' LitRPG, so I'm playing on easy mode.

>>22766962
Just have an alternative, doesn't mean it has to replace Patreon. At least people that care more will choose that one. Some, truly probably not many in this space, might not even use Patreon out of a principle. Plus then you are not 100% dependent on a single platform. Though I guess you already are with the website you are posting to.

>>22766967
I would be shocked if more than 5% of readers care enough to swap platforms, and we're talking a 5-10% improvement for each of them ... so .5% to .25% increased total income. I understand your point, but again, there's a reason all serial authors are just using Patreon and nothing else, lol
Besides, the next big move is heading to Amazon, which I have audiobook and publishing offers for. Almost all trending RoyalRoad novels get them.

>>22766966
Dammit. I'm willing to give this shit a try despite my general distaste for litrpg. Do you have any reccs of decent formulaic litrpg that I can get a glimpse what the market want? Even your own stories are fine.
From what little I have gathered after a bit of research:
>male protagonist (either an edgy mcedgeface or a relatable dork)
>stat screen (seems like a must for all that this shit disgusts me)
>sex

>>22767000
You can do whatever you want. The story of mine doing best is a female protagonist with no sex scenes or romance. There's stats and skills and such (that's what litrpg means), but not really 'stat screens' except once every 20-40 chapters, just to remind readers where we are.
Thinking sex is necessary is especially wrong. Most RR readers are actively against it. Harem/Smut LitRPG is a disliked subcommunity of RR.
Honestly, it sounds like you have a very poor idea of the market, which nearly guarantees you won't find success since you're an outsider trying to edge in just for the money. I mean that as politely as possible. You have a lot of research to do if you want to pursue this genre. And it's really easy, too: just go look at "Popular This Week" and "Rising Stars" and read the summaries to get a feel for things.

>>22767013
Yeah honest, I don't know much about it at all. I'm going to read a few of the top stories and see if I can get into the mindset of reading one.

>>22765746
Her smile now gave heart.

>>22765746
shades: on. kickflipped over cop

>>22766915
What defines "frequent releases"? I'm strongly considering going down the webnovel route and while I have a finished chapter 1 I have no idea how well I could keep up that pace.

>>22767106
Anywhere from 1 chapter/day to 2 chapter/week. The more frequent it is the better. Apparently there are some people who posted several chapters a day in the first month

>>22766486
the true red pill is: judt write. getting published is mostly luck.

>>22765746
Seeks death, craves life.

>>22766486
I do but I don't talk to frogposters.

>>22766903
bruh, nice work. How the fuck do you stand out in a market as saturated as litrpg?
>>22766893
avoid it as much as you can
t. successful weed addict, failed writer

>>22767155
smoking gun but no wound.

Does litrpg need to have stat screens? I like progression fantasy, but stat screens seem to me like the laziest way of showing character power growth

>>22767295
Why do you think it's called litrpg and not just fantasy, genius?

>>22767304
I don't know, that's why I'm asking

>>22767295
write progression fantasy, then add stat screens.. maybe as like a recap for retards, and/or even to foreshadow

What even is progression fantasy? Is it just the protagonist getting stronger over time? That's it?

>>22767358
>that's it?
that's a subgenre, anon

Does anyone else write while getting inspired by a video that fits to whatever you're writing, in real-time?
Or, for example, I could be playing a very scenic Hitman mission and stop the game every few minutes to implement the feels I get from the setting in my own work.

>>22767477
it's normally music for me but yes
that level is superb.

>reader compared my work to Malazan
it's over

>>22766458
How can I write funny? Not in the sense that the current gorillionth MCU movie is funny. It's more like how Kafka is funny

>>22767477
the hitman gameplay loop falls flat for me, but i think about the maps/architecture all the time.
and yes, i take bits and pieces of all media i consume. maybe not much, but little aspects.

>>22767583
every comedy writer says the same thing: there's no magic bullet, it's just mindset and constant practice. brainstorm all the time, try turning stuff into jokes. see if you can extract anything good out of the heaps of trash.

how do I pull together disparate scenes in a book? I have my intro and ending written, with some key scenes in the middle but now I don't know how to step back and tie it all together.

>>22767653
if you know what (any) scene needs, just keep doing that. ie. add conflict, and make sure every scene is progressing the story or developing a character.
and don't let your intro/ending steer you away from interesting developments. you'll have to cut something eventually.

>>22767672
>you'll have to cut something eventually.
yeah I'm expecting to change most of it, I just want a finished first draft before I start making major changes.
>if you know what (any) scene needs
I'm not sure what you mean by this. The scenes I am having trouble with are the connective scenes between the 'major' scenes. I'll try to ensure everything is progressing the story but it's hard to not make it boring or just skip over it completely.
I can outline, I can write parts of the story but my brain just switches off when it comes time to bring it all together. so much self doubt. aaaaah

>>22767653
Every scene should 'do' something that moves the situation forward or add needed context, even if it's a moment of rest and change of tone before the next major movement. How does a character handle stagnation and waiting? What happens if they try to do something that will ultimately lead nowhere and what does that do to and for them? How does it build into those 'key' scenes and support the planned ending? Does it at all? Do your keys need work?

I tend to cut the fat too much and it leads to something barren and disjointed, in reaction to a kind of maximalism that can plague my early drafts. I think it may be that you're not viewing the ebb and flow, the arc, of scenes the same way you do the narrative movements and climaxes within a scene. I guess summarize and see what's missing.

>>22767705
>I tend to cut the fat too much and it leads to something barren and disjointed, in reaction to a kind of maximalism that can plague my early drafts. I think it may be that you're not viewing the ebb and flow, the arc, of scenes the same way you do the narrative movements and climaxes within a scene. I guess summarize and see what's missing.
this is great, thank you. I think I try and cut the fat in the outlining stage because this
>maximalism that can plague my early drafts.
is not something I experience, but would solve my issue. Maybe I just need to pick up at the end of the earliest scene and just go for it, to feel that ebb and flow you're talking about.

>>22767820
Yeah I'm writing what's turning out to be a novella and there are maybe 2 critical scenes outside the first page and the ending, but all that filler is what makes it meaningful and hit. There's a lot of backstory drama and it's all meaningless unless I lay out how it affects the character before I build tension and take it away, for better or worse. Otherwise it's
>He went back to where he came from
>It wasn't as bad as he remembered
>The End

>>22766852
I can edit it for you after my current project. I've punched up books after they were released for subsequent editions, yeah.

https://www.fiverr.com/matthewg42

>>22767903
Shilling is against global rules, could you finally fuck off from these threads and find a real job?

>>22768024
But sirs...

>>22765746
Melting snow told no tales.

>>22767477

I usually need silence when I write so I can concentrate and focus better.

is purple prose really a thing? i mean whats the point of writing if you cant use a bunch of fun uncommon words to set it apart from job postings in the newspaper

>>22768184
Purple prose isn't about vocabulary, it's about readability and lyrical rhythm.

>>22768184
Purple prose is when you show off your ability to use the thesaurus for no real reason while adding 50 more words than necessary to describe a room with a table in it.

>>22767583
Find one unfortunately funny episode in your life, generalize it, then write it. dont keep it to yourself. i had a scenario a few days ago while at a bit of a celebration. i ordered some sort of warm coffee cake a la mode, and the waitress was so happy bringing it out to me, then the ice cream slipped off the cake immediately as she reached my table. i was a little disappointed for ten seconds, then my inner humor took over and i chuckled at the ridiculousness

>>22768184
It's more the quality than the quantity of florid diction and the purpose it serves. Notoriously purple authors aren't known for their prose as an explicit selling point.

>>22768184
>what's the point of writing
no one cares about how gay you write, midwit.

>>22768214
Post your writing (nta)

>>22768224
give me a prompt (in addition to your own writing)

>>22768184
maybe look into poetry

>>22767903
Bro is good just cope

>>22768184
Anon's pallid face stares, unblinking, at his smooth, curved, ultrawide computer monitor, his slack face faintly reflected in the expensive liquid-crystal display. His fat fingers, the nails gnawed to the quick, scratch absentmindedly at the fertile field of peach fuzz flourishing on his face, both the color and texture of copper wire. His thrush-coated tongue clicks against the recently-burned top of his foul-smelling maw, his untreated mental illness compelling him to fill the silence of his filthy bedroom. His other hand swirls a chipped glass, filled to the brim with Diet Coke (not that store-brand generic cola garbage), drops running down the cool exterior, over his unwashed skin, and falling to the ratty, mauve rug. He coughs in laughter.
"What a preposterous notion," he says aloud, the rasp bouncing off of his echo chamber. The sound of his own voice soothes his latent anxiety, for a moment, reassured that he is a better writer than the peon decrying purple prose. The cracked faux-leather of his gaming chair emits a flatulent sound as he leans further back, craning his neck, projecting his voice as loudly as he can.
"Mother? Mother! I demand tendies!"

I should make this worse, but I'm getting bored.

>>22768274
Like wading through tar (I would know). Great stuff

>>22768274
whats wrong with this, all the extra words help me imagine the scene in greater detail

>>22768297
Most readers are too smoothbrained to concentrate on prose if it's any more nuanced than a stageplay for a tv series.

>>22768297
I actually write a bit like this normally, but I threw in extra bullshit to make it worse, like the ultrawide being "smooth", redundant, and "curved", not really relevant to the characterization. With some editing, this would work pretty well as an introduction to the character, as it implies a great deal about what sort of person he would be. If you do every single bit of exposition like this, you're going to start losing people. To not write an example, but to imagine the outline of one: his mother comes to his room, they have a conversation, and in the process the writer feels the need to add another four sentences describing the gamer chair.

>>22768311
>smooth", redundant, and "curved"
yea tht was the main part that stuck out as too much

>>22768327
It was the first sentence for a reason. I started to "get into it". I hate myself. I should be working on a real draft.

>Try to find an editor
>All have corporate art covers and Stonetoss's characters as authors.

How the fuck i can present my book without being shot by the UN?

>>22768310
>>22768297
when you (always) write like this your pacing is fucking halted. this is a wordy paragraph that has .5 seconds of action. and when i say action, i mean scene purpose.
you can intertwine these descriptions through actions and tells as the story PROGRESSES.
of course you can write like this for effect, there are no rules, and exceptions for everything. and some authors can do both.

what does it feel like to get your manuscript back from a good editor?

What makes for an inexhaustible setting? The kind of place you can put any set of characters and pull something new from it, where it has limitless backstory potential. I think I have one as long as I don't do some big reveal or try to explain everything.

>>22768462
>as long as I don't do some big reveal or try to explain everything
It's probably this. Explain enough to maintain immersion/engagement/verisimilitude, and not a bit more.

>>22768449
like seeing a teddy bear you gave to your high school crush as part of a prom proposal in the background of her onlyfans video

>>22768462
something like one piece with an endless ocean where each island can be isolated and do its own thing/mostly the same with scifi and planets

>>22768469
It's not like there's even a mystery or anything, it just makes a great set piece you can do a lot with. It's like a ship in a sci fi series.

My subject assosiation's magazine published something I wrote. My own writing, under my own name, appears in print, selected for publication by other people.
I have officially made it. And if I can do it, you all can too!

>>22768469
I also realized to do that in all my writing. I had a habit of overwriting and explaining everything and now that I've dialed it back, things are reading better and I have a feeling I'll get more from workshopping drafts. Man I was explaining too much.

>>22768480
you might have just put me off writing

"(Author) managed to do in one book that others take a series to accomplish: introduced a complex yet well grounded world and philosophy, tear it down and leave you with a sense of hope for the future. (Novel title) is the perfect name for this epic in the making. The different points of view separated by parts was the perfect way to tell the story steep with sorrow, tragedy and hope. It sucks you in and takes you on a journey of discovery. Predictable at times but not overly so. If this is the start of a series I would be interested in reading more. Well written and easy to read."

A review I got on my ARC. Have several others, all positive. People like my writing!

...or reviewers are sycophants.

>>22768639
give me a copy, i'll read your book

>>22768639
>...or reviewers are sycophants.
No. Writing a review takes effort, so people who leave reviews tend to fall on either side of the hate/love spectrum. People that kinda liked your book, but weren't blown away by it, aren't going to bother writing a review. Generally.
One important exception, which probably applies here: the indie effect. People looking through lesser-known stuff are generally going to be more aware of the artist's desire for greater recognition/success, so they'll engage more in a community or shill it for free.

>>22768621
ok but dont believe it, i havent had a manuscript edited, i just made it up based on some stuff in master and margerita

>>22768297
I find this hard to believe. I think it gives you sense for lots of little disconnected facts and details, but no sense for an overall situation or character or atmosphere. So you're not imagining a vivid, living environment or person but rather a catalogue of tiny thumbnail photos, or the painstaking motions of a robot. A single well-crafted phrase can be infinitely more evocative than a list of random details: it brings the image to life instead of dissecting it like a specimen. The problem of purple prose is not that it's complex, but that it doesn't know what it's trying to do - it doesn't understand the nature of the living force it's trying to capture - so it substitutes dead complexity to fill the void.

>>22768310
The smoothbrained reader mistakes accretion of detail for nuance.

>>22768661
Well, being indie, I worry I fall into the later scene. Ah well, I'll take kind words.

>>22768645
Will be available Dec 1.
Thanks for the interest, but not doxing myself.

How do the rest of you get so good at writing that publishers are willing to pay you?

>>22768672
>no sense for an overall situation or character or atmosphere
what do you think makes up sensation?
adding up many small details
what makes up our waking vision? up many thumbnail pictures in a row
yes an abridged description can sometimes perform the same as a longer one, but thats because the reader has some prior context stored which it evokes, fleshing out the rest of the details in the process
there is no magic way to bring an image out from nothing, or from less, theres either longer, more thorough descriptions or compressed descriptions which rely on the readers mind to do the rest of the work (this happens to be part of the pleasure of reading though, surely)

>>22768692
Pro tip: they don't care how good your story is, they care how good a sales pitch your agent makes.

>>22768665
it was a good enough analogy to make me feel icky inside

Guys I'm attempting to publish a series on Royalroad.

This is the Intro....Opinions?

what do you do when you're too tired to write but you n eed to write

>>22768824
Cold shower and coffee

>>22768824
I try sleeping until I'm not tired.

>>22768815
I don't like it.

>>22768815
Only deeply read first parat but: No need to give the exact dimensions of the motorboat.

Describing people as "individuals" and then describing them more is clunky and using a lot more words than needed. Overall it just felt like it could be refined down to half the length with the same content.

Skimming the dialogue it looks like it's exposition heavy, consider moving exposition into narration. It's quite a lot of "as you know Bob"/maid and butler dialogue too

Technically seems fine, just needs more editing/practice at writing craft so stick with it.

>>22768694
have you ever read a book?

Hey hypothetical question, say I wanted to represent a group within my upcoming Manga that takes heavy inspiration of a very terrifying group from WW2 as a symbolic and metaphorical icon to the story, would that get me canceled?

>>22768967
why anon?

>>22768992
>exact dimensions of the motorboat.
rich dude
> it's exposition heavy
>consider moving exposition into narration.
just lore dumping.
>Technically seems fine, just needs more editing/practice at writing craft so stick with it.
send material

>>22769057
If you're good, you can do almost anything. That said, the people you're worried about interpret a figure-ground relationship as an inkblot test. It depends on what kind of icon the Unit is representing and how matter of fact you keep that representation.

>>22769057
Dirlewanger was based, don't listen to them anon.

The unplanned scenes that emerge from single passing lines from the prototype are better than the scenes I spent months deliberating over....

>>22769064
>rich dude
>send material
You don't seem especially receptive so not gonna bother. This was a good reminder why I stopped bothering to give feedback. Best of luck

>>22769243
>So mad
Big boat = Rich Dude
>just needs more editing/practice at writing craft
Send

>>22768992
>Describing people as "individuals" and then describing them more is clunky and using a lot more words than needed
Different anon, but could you elaborate? I could see it using a bit of trimming, but "announce presence, then describe" sounds like an odd complaint. Would you prefer if the writer had said "....Uncle Bob and Kevin sailed..." instead of ".....two individuals sailed...."?

>>22769064
>why anon?
I wouldn't use a numerical symbol over of the word, if I were to tell the reader the boat's length at all.
But overall? I don't know what it is, maybe it's the present tense.

>>22769203
That's the power of imagination wed to organic cause-and-effect, baby.

>>22769288
>I wouldn't use a numerical symbol over of the word,
LitRPG
> I don't know what it is, maybe it's the present tense.
Pls elaborate

>>22766458
Where should I post my short stories?

>>22766458

How do you write for a platform like this?

https://crazymaplestudios.com/chapters

>>22768815
I like to re-write first sentences.
>The quiet hum of a potent, magical engine stood out against the serenity of the lake.
Feedback:
You don't need to explain that they're in a motorboat if, in the same setntence, you're going to say that it's powered by an engine.
I don't like the use of 'individuals', nor 'one' when you say 'younger one'. Could flow better.
Someone in charge of a boat, especially if they're also steering it, would better be described as 'captaining' over 'piloting', or 'the captain' instead of 'the pilot'.
Can you say they 'sailed' across the lake if it's a motorboat?
I like the sentence about the older character, his bald head and beard.
The description of the characters' is overall, rather well done. I'd probably avoid saying so directly that the younger man is the elder's 'complete opposite' if you're going to then describe how different he is.
I really dislike the last sentence of your first paragraph but if you're going for a LitRPG, as I imagine you are, the whole thing is serviceable enough. Enjoyable parts mixed equally with questionable ones.

>>22769284
Not that anon but I tend to agree with him. Like you, I don't believe naming the characters in the first line is appropriate. I think that as the characters are both men,
>two men sailed across as vast and crystal-clear lake
makes enough sense.
>two individuals
strikes me as too oxymoronic.
Personally, I'd write it like this
>The quiet hum of a potent, magical engine stood out against the serenity of the lake. It popelled a small wooden boat across the vast and crystal-clear waters.

>>22769370
>Pic
Pilot is a suitable word for this type of boat.

>small
Needs to convey that it's a boat for rich.

>Last Sentence
An integral part of the lore.

Not a Dostoyevsky clone, there's actual development. Just looking for critique on the substance.

>The doctor had been carrying on a solitary life since the opening of his practice. He engaged with each one of his dozen patients patiently and heartily, giving them assurance that their grievances as pertained to psychiatry were at the highest of his priorities. And everyday he continued in this manner, giving good care and credence to his name. At twenty-eight his birthday passed in silence, having practiced ignoring the matter for a decade, and he continued this way of being through the month of December.
His efforts outside of work went into maintaining a regular journal and spontaneous walks in any direction. When he was twenty-two, he couldn’t imagine a life beyond the overwhelming responsibility of medical training, but today the peaceful methods of his life could be held as an example of morbid self-attention. For the sake of peace he abandoned the possibility of dependency and took pleasure in being alone. Each breath from the winter air gave him pause, droning pause, over his situation, and upon exhaling it was like him saying: “Thank God there is nothing to change.” During his walks he felt free, bereft of consequence or future imposition on his life, and it was only in intervals of months that he was reminded of the passing of time. A subtle graying of his beard or a reference to his age that only he found inappropriate was the collateral damage of his ongoing march to the grave.
That death was the only stopping point along this way of living was however not among his urgent concerns. There was no chance of it being so when he had become so engrossed with the minute details of everyday living. A future patient brought his attention down to a singular point, but purchasing a new coffee filter was an event worth becoming enraptured for. As long as the days progressed, his attention was allowed to be scattered or centralized freely. So it was for some years in this fashion.

>>22769469
Your writing sounds too much like a legal document. "Grievances as [they] pertained to psychiatry" sounds worse than a simple word like "madnesses" or "neuroses". It's a problem that flows through all your writing I feel. I know you asked for substance critique but without good prose and good style, substance can't exist.

>>22769284
Basically it's just a matter of specificity. "Individuals" provides no details and paints no mental image. "Uncle Bob and Kevin sailed..."like you say would be an improvement and appropriate since we'd immediately know names and genders of the characters, "Two hooded men huddled at the prow" or something similar that gives genders and sensory context/imagery, or basically any of the 100 combinations/variations on these ideas. But it's best to replace generic words with concrete/detailed ones, especially in openings to provide the maximum information possible in the smallest amount of words. Never say flower when you can say orchid/daisy/etc. - nice primer worth a watch https://youtu.be/xgNW3EgtT1E?si=cIGRyah82YLqK75P

>>22769415
>Needs to convey that it's a boat for rich.
Oh you're ESL? Sorry I assumed you were insulting me before. Calling something "rich" is usually a sarcastic phrase of derision. But no calling it a small motorboat does not convey wealth, maybe refer to luxurious elements of it or call it a sporting boat/pleasure barge or something.

>>22769559
>But no calling it a small motorboat does not convey wealth, maybe refer to luxurious elements of it or call it a sporting boat/pleasure barge or something.
Perhaps you're an Arab prince, but owning a motorboat is typically associated with wealth. Simply stating "small wooden boat" could signify anything, even one used by a fisherman.

How do you guys feel about fanfiction?
I'm writing a pokemon story (pretty much all original characters, the pokemon world is really just the setting) and was looking for serious critiques on it now that I've finished the first arc.
If you guys aren't interested that's fine.

>>22769559
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runabout_(boat)
The actual name.

Useless argument

>>22769648
I associate fanfiction with trash, but I see nothing conceptually wrong with it. All "Lovecraftian" fiction is really just fan fiction, and usually better than Niggerman's owner's actual work, for example.

>>22769637
Maybe try 'speedboat', a 'motorboat' could be describing a small fishing craft also (such as a tinny). It's too broad. Whereas speedboats are more for luxurious leisure.

>>22769528
Thanks, I work for the bank and read more legal docs than books. I felt I was too aware of the full definition of neuroses in a psychiatric context to actually write fiction, so I tried to drown the simplicity out with what you describe.

>>22769674
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14161357/1/The-Essence-of-Life
Well, I'll just link it here if you want to give it a glance. The cast are all university students or older, so its not the typical pedo shit associated with Pokemon. I'm trying to make it a relatively serious and realistic story.

>>22766491
Yeah, what the fuck does grounds keeping prose mean.

>>22766486
I write stuff and publish and sell some of it. Helps pay for my groceries.

>>22769469
So much exposition. Terrible.

>>22769788
Be glad you don't know.

Is there a word for that refers to the "wall" of a tent? Calling it a "wall" doesn't feel right.

>>22770044
https://www.google.com/search?q=word+for+wall+of+a+tent
Unless "canvas" works for you...no.

>>22769469

It's very confusing because you have two male subjects and you are using "he" with both of them.

There's also excessive level of abstraction of the narrative. You have introduced a character, the patient, but you haven't given him an actual scene. You have just summarized everything so quickly that it's not clear what the point was in bringing this patient into the story at all.

Was it on account of this patient that "his body started to drag behind him when he walked?"

If not, then why is he here? If so, then the patient has to be given a full scene, at least with some dialogue, otherwise it doesn't have credibility. "It came to a head..." is not enough. We need details. Why? How? What did the patient say? Why was this patient so different than the thousand other patients? If this patient was no different, then the "turn" did not happen because of him. It was something else.

>>22769656
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motorboat
A link in this very article proves you wrong. I live right next to the ocean and "motorboat" makes me think of pic related, which are not at all indicative of wealth.

>>22770195
Let Me Google That For You is the correct site to use for snide links. But yes, I Ask Jeeves'd before posting.
"Canvas" is a specific material. This tent is a patchwork, so that wouldn't work.
I'll leave "wall" as a placeholder, revisit the issue when properly editing, unless another anon chimes in.

>>22770044

You just call it the side of a tent.

>>22770223
>He is poor.
>Why?
>Dark Skin.
Obtaining a license in nautical school costs thousands of dollars.

>>22770223
If you haven't figured it out yet: he's trolling.

>>22770252
Delusional.

Turns out different people have different opinions on the same subject.

>>22770263
Alright man, good luck I guess.

>>22770276
Thanks anon.

Tomorrow, I will complete the first chapter and use the name >>22769656 along with some of your suggestions.

>>22770223

If you want a boat for the "rich" say either sail boat or yacht

>>22770232
I wasn't trying to be snide.

>>22770358
Understood. Thank you for your second set of eyes and grey matter, then.

Someone give me some bad advice QUICK

>>22770450
Quit your day job and write for a living.

>>22770450
-Don't outline at all
-Edit while writing
-Write and edit alone; never ask anyone else what they think
>>22770466
He asked for "bad advice", not "advice bad for the craft of writing", so that's exceptionally good bad advice.

>>22770474
>>22770466
I said bad advice

>>22770488
Stop using paragraph breaks, let your ideas flow naturally and unbridled
Minimum of two adverbs per verb to keep the reader excited
Stop using pronouns altogether

>>22770450
Follow the rules

>>22770514
>Stop using pronouns altogether
I challenge you to write flash fiction of at least 100 words that applies this advice.

>>22770450
read infinite jest

>>22769825
what do you write about?

>>22770221
Thanks for the critique. I took out the protagonist’s name because it’s somewhat of a fanfic, I didn’t want any comments on that.

The patient is the catalyst for the pre-existing temperament in the protagonist being displayed, but I’m not using him as a developed character. So you’re correct at the end, it’s his own excessive introspection that uses the patient’s story to further his own upheaval. Appreciated.

Hark! Less darkness

Remember, everything else is cope.

>>22771065
you're telling me a nobody can publish a book with no marketing and make 20k?

>>22771072
That's why you become social media famous. Gotta sell yourself.

>>22771072
I think what this incredibly misleading chart is saying is self published authors get a larger cut of their sales.

>>22771072
You’re a special kind of illiterate aren’t your

>>22771065
I did that and no one found my book

>>22771084
>your

>>22771065
for your sake, i hope this is bait

>>22771081
Which is true but it is also much harder to make that number of sales.

>>22771179
Correct. This is why anon described the chart as "misleading".

>>22770450
Take notes from Stephen King

>>22769648
Fanfic is against rules and liable to get the thread deleted.

>>22768815
Not impressed. Hair color and bald aren't things you mention in the first paragraph of your story, which is meant to hook your reader. Heavy, boring description, followed by a bland list of (overly long) dialogue, that's not a recipe for success. Do you actually find this interesting yourself?

>>22769648
as a writer, i see fanfiction as lazy, shortsighted and degenerate.
but if you're just interested in having fun with other autists in some community? sure, have fun
if you care about your progress as a writer, i would break off ASAP. even if you NEED to write about pocket monsters, do your own

>>22769774
Not the guy you were replying to but I read it.

My impression on the first read through is that the way things are conveyed is a bit dull. It's very matter of fact and lifeless and overly explicit. When the project leader is checking for errors, for example, there isn't really much sense of tension or emotional investment for the reader to experience vicariously. It's kind of just a report of the events. It doesn't feel like I'm there. What I would suggest is that you should be more selective with what you describe, as you're mostly sticking to describing physical actions and not going on about "character felt x" which happens to be a stylistic choice that I personally like. It cries out for dramatic imagery. The director's finger poised over the shutdown button, people stealing nervous glances at it as the green ticks stack up, that kind of thing. Give it some energy. The part where you could hear the sound of his boots was good. It implied a sort of hushed silence and anticipation in the room. More of that, please.

Aside from that, there are a few minor errors scattered about. I spotted these:

>opening and activating major systems, foremost that of the power system
This is incorrect grammar.

>it's rumored previous existence
should be its

There might be some more but that's what I caught.

>>22771448
Just the intro
wait for the full first chapter.

>>22771623
>wait for

Anon, that's not how it works. You've already lost me. Readers will rarely give you a second chance. You need to bring out your A-game from the first line on, not 1-20 chapters later.

>>22771653
See >>22770252

>>22771653
would my first line hook you?
>The shart came out at a speed that blew apart the seams of my jeans and erupted onto the classroom floor.

>>22771653
1 chapter bro!!!
There is a plot twist in the end

>tard publishing
No thanks, I’ll self publish thank you.

How do I develop a sense of story telling?

>>22771980
Folktales cut straight to the point. You want idiomatic oral transcriptions, there's a cadence and pacing that drives them. I find other things are little more than expanded forms of what is found in folktales. The mechanics and descriptive analytics tend to be buried and it takes work to view it on a different level and see devices and techniques used.

Where are my fellow anons who are writing literary fiction? How is your work in progress?

>>22772019
I'm trying. But part of me wants to write some serialized travel adventure story.

>>22772055
Sounds preferable. I don't get the obsession with intentionally setting out to write litfic.

>>22772055
Are you not satisfied with where the story is going or is it something else?

>>22772081
like with anything else, it's probably what inspired them. i write slop but am somewhat inspired to explore complex and nuanced themes.. however you cant just nuke your pacing/plot to do so. this is where litfic comes in

>>22772019
Hello. It's going well but slowly, 500-1000 words a day is my goal. I'm at around 10,000 now. It is getting to that point where it feels unwieldy and I'll need to push through to finish the draft and not get stuck in editing mode, but I remain resolved. What about yours, anon?

>>22772132
I'm trying to incorporate some real life experiences into the story, but I'm not sure when to part ways from what really happened.
>inb4 no one wants to read a millennials average "story" about life.
I imagine it being a combination of Quioxte and Heart of Darkness in the sense that an idealistic character steadily goes mad while living on an island centered around a popular tourist attraction. The character either makes it out alive or dies there somehow.
I mainly just want to write a book that I would want to read.

>>22772148
I'm starting my next draft for a second book. Something edgier this time. I do need a plan for releasing the first book but it's going to take time.
>>22772177
You should brainstorm about the merits of different ways the story can go. I prefer go further from real events from the outset, but that is just me.

>>22772221
Is that a second book in a series?

>>22772237
Nope, I haven't planned any series. Everything I'm planning is standalone and has a different feel. Maybe one day I could do a series that is all the same setting.

>>22772019
i am writing about how a woman enters a mans life and replaces everything in it (e.g he no longer needs a fridge bc they always eat out/are so excited to cook a new recipe together they cook up all their groceries right away)

rn im at the mall walking around as a write om my phone
obvs its kinda directing but i find it easier to write when im pacing

>>22772403
Tell me more. Why are you telling a story like that?

every day i write flash fiction and delete it. wish i could get excited about my SHITTY ideas. it's insane that there are like hundreds of thousands of books being written every year, and they're all shit. everyone thought they had something to share, that others would read.
WRONG.
"but i'm different"
WRONG

at least im having fun

could someone give me a writing prompt? i'll trade you, even

>>22772466
A girl decides whether it's better to fuck her dog or fuck her brother

>>22772482
This... doesn't fly with modern audiences.
Big yikes, hope you get therapy?

>>22772466
I'll give you a few.

"He bangs his fists against the posts, and still insists he sees the ghosts."
"The Cat in the Hat is a real monster."
"The teeth still fall out."
"He eats the eye-candy, and chips a tooth."
"I'm a good person. I deserve love."
"I'm a bad person. I deserve to be alone."

>>22772497
thanks, i'll use these

>>22772019
A southern gothic where a man comes to terms with the place that made him who he is and his blood status as an outcast in the community due to the reputation of his recently deceased grandmother. He makes an unusual friend, as one does, and sets to work repairing the ancestral home to sell it for the little profit it would garner.

It's going well but I'm a little stuck on what kind of cycle he's trying to break and how to make external conflict work. It's a little too heady and lacking in the visceral danger and drama I want.

>>22772414
well its fun to contrive ways in which a relationship can change a persons lifestyle and perspective on the world
Although this idea of a romance sort of parasitizing or colonizing someones personal life has been done before, for me its going to get surreal very quickly, with things like the walls of his house, sidewalks outside, and eventually concepts like time, space, and causality getting replaced (if i can figure out how to write such a thing)

>intro to the story is just 5k words of explanation of the politics of the setting and the main characters motivation and goals
>obviously cant work as nobody will sit through that
>rewriting the intro to be more action packed but cliche so it has a hook early on

kinda hate that Im doing this, but its the only way.

>>22772552
you shouldn't hate it, at all.
it's like i hand you an icecream cone, icecream down. you going to just grab hold of that icecream and eat the cone?
how about i serve you hamburger patty, and after you finish that, i bring out the bun and garnish?
im going to go get lunch

>>22772601
I never really ate ice cream cones, especially not those cheap ones, nobody did when I was a kid. But the more expensive waffer cones, those were tasty

also hamburgers are served without buns in many places, as a hamburger "steak"

go enjoy your meal fatty

>>22772610
i lied, i already ate. can you believe this kid? he actually believed me. ngmi

>>22772625
its joever for me..

>>22772550
you a fan of charlie kaufman?

>>22772019
Decently, lately been making some great progress through two short stories of mine. One of them is giving me more trouble than the other but I think I've finally gotten to a working order. It's almost entirely a conversation (intending to be somewhat surreal as well, kind of an inventory of conscience), so finding and keeping the proper voices for the two involved was giving me a bit of trouble but I think I've finally fallen into an alright tone. Probably will need extensive editing but I'll worry about that when the first draft is complete I guess.

As well, does anyone have experience with creative writing courses in college? Nearing the last of my time in undergrad and there's a workshop strictly for short stories being offered in the spring which I'm tempted to take just for fun. I don't have any real readers aside from this one buddy of mine, who's a turbo-nerd, so I want some opportunity to see how my work is received by a larger, more general audience, before trying to submit anywhere seriously

>>22772665
my most memorable experience from undergrad creative writing was the guy who read a sort of "coming out of the closet as a brony" personal narrative to the class outloud (he also almost got kicked out that semester for plagiarism lol)

>>22772665
>I want some opportunity to see how my work is received by a larger, more general audience, before trying to submit anywhere seriously
give me a sampler

>>22772533
On that note, southern gothic allows for a very distinct and native brand of magical realism, what are anon's thoughts on those elements? I'm trying to keep it ambiguous and subtle so that one thing is still outright fantasy or madness, and writing for the perspective of someone who fails to distinguish much difference due to growing up under a crazy old mountain witch of a woman. This isn't pushing the bounds of the genre but I want to keep it mysterious and not exceptionally fantastic.

>>22772665
Hit or miss but it's a good chance to see what bad writing is like and discuss the meta of things. If you have a good leader and even 2 strong writers and a few more technicians who think about craft and do good bad work, it's a good time. It's mostly >>22772686 and learning to be a hack writer on a tight deadline with shitty editors and a chorus that doesn't care about your specific interests or voice, which is still a good time and valuable learning experience.

If you're not too autistic, and writers are a special kind of autistic that deals in the abstract, you'll learn something on some level and maybe make a colleague. You have to stop caring about your work, approach other's from perspectives you don't share, and work with feedback that isn't directly applicable to your vision but hones in on problems nonetheless. It's like how musicians like music but they don't like all music or even good music. Even there, anyone worth at least half their weight in shit will have something valuable to say that will cut you to the bone and inspire you by pointing out what you can't see.

Dream sequences. Yay or nay?

>>22772662
>>22772662
ive seen synecdoche only, it certainly has that surreal aspect of mapping changes in the world around a character to whats going on in their psyche

>>22772735
right on, yea. that's what it reminded me of; though, lots of his stuff is similar. surreal deconstructions that progress to absurdity.
and he's of course influenced by like kafka and earlier surrealist filmmakers.
anyway the idea is cool

>>22772552
>intro to the story is just 5k words of explanation of the politics of the setting and the main characters motivation and goals
nigga this should BE the story

>>22772731
good if done well but overdone so the bar is really high

>>22772731
Like em, don't like interpretations of them and prefer a bit of noise in the signal like dreams tend to be. Double edged oracular kinds tend to fare better than saying something outright. Manage your symbols well and let the reader fail to interpret the whole thing. Cut off the key that usually comes at the end.

There's a lot to pull from there and talk about, the allegorical and premonitory type is amateur hour, show what someone thinks they feel in a twisted and inverted manner, switch subject for object and synthesize things into unrecognizable configurations that don't amount to shit. Make it something that bugs someone and shows in their waking life if it's occult or is ignored if it's obvious. They're a tool for the reader to play with and to play with the reader.

>>22772709
>>22772686
Appreciate the thoughts, I'll probably go for it then. At the very least it ought to be interesting. I guess I am just worried about the quality of the other students since I don't know what the English lit / writing students are like, but that's likely pride talking more than anything. Good point as well about the deadlines, falling into a better routine is something I ought to work on.

>>22772708
Here's the opening from an older piece that I'm touching up at this point (some punctuation might be missing here or there). Part of an ongoing cycle reinterpreting folk stories, playing around some with dialect. I understand it's probably pretty pretentious, part of the weakness of only my buddy being a test reader so far.

>inb4 you use "and" a lot
I know

>>22772897
You'll probably be less accustomed to sucking it up than the majors, they're forged in it because few know shit about shit before they enter the program. They have some skills you may not. It's a crapshoot. Just be humble and offer what you genuinely know and feel and little else.

>>22772731
Boring waste of pages

>>22772731
Depending on how grounded the story is, it can be better to have the character reflect on a dream internally or in conversation. Actually depicting a dream on the page is challenging and runs the risk of falling in to trite tropes.

>>22772489
Then write about your chosen hero, a quiet girl in the countryside that loves animals and cookies stumbling upon a sacred ancient power to destroy the dark Lord and his tyrannical reign

>>22772709
I write Southern Gothic less as a way to have a more fantastical style and more to alter the South to make it more distinct from contemporary culture.

>>22772897
cool. students in a creative writing course should appreciate the 19th influences. doubt this would come close to the most pretentious thing there.
i have a buddy who can't NOT larp as homer. he's only just starting to write, too. it's painful to see.
i write litrpg btw.

19th century*

>>22772950
I write it because I don't know what contemporary culture is other than my time on here and the rest of the interwebs.

>>22773026
I mean I barely know either. But my point is writing the way the world used to be, or implying contemporary life will be different one day, is my strategy to show people what is missing in their world. I also have so much disrespect for the modern world that I don't really want to present it.

>>22773046
That I can absolutely agree with. I'm consumed by my own now which is probably 30 years in the past and the current now is so shitty I can't find anything like it.

>>22773046
I'm finding it's the only place to talk about feelings and inclinations where it has meaning. Where it's still very real, the consequences and lingering presence of past events. There is no past, no future in the current world and there's nothing to grasp onto. When something is forbidden, there should be consequences and weight to it and this modern life has all the drama with none of the hangups. I need the clandestine and real stakes.

Anons who got rejection letter and/or lost competitions: how did you cope? It's the first time for me and I'm feeling pretty down.

>>22773147
Read pantaguel and trinc.

>>22773147
I lost my job for writing a book. Said I was using company time for my own personal gains. 85k a year gone, just like that for sharing my hobby. So losing a competition is nothing.

>>22773157
>Said I was using company time for my own personal gains.
Well..... were you?

>>22773157
Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry for you, anon. Do you still write?

>>22773154
Looked the wikipedia page about it and I see no connection whatsoever to my post desu

>>22773161
Read Rabelais, and drink. You're clearly autistic and need correction by the greatest autist and man's gift to himself.

>>22773161
If you can't have your fart jokes read in a king's court, your writing is shit.

>>22773160
I did try to have coworkers read my book, so yes. I'm still sad. This stupid hobby destroys life. I urge you all to never share your writing outside of social media and deny you ever wrote anything.
>>22773161
I do not have the same passion.

Is there any good series to look at for inspirations for a” short stories set place in the same universe with connected events” format

>>22772957
Glad to hear that, thanks. Good luck with your efforts too btw
Yeh that's always a big hang-up starting out to find your own voice. I have a friend who wrote a bit and wore his influences way too obviously as well. He went from JG Ballard to Finnegan's Wake and you could immediately tell. Though with him it was doubly bad since he didn't even bother changing the subject matter substantially. Hopefully he sticks with it, I think that's one place where people can get hung up early on and feel discouraged.
Honestly one way to kill it is to just stop reading for a little (or at least cut back) until you get your bearings. That's what I had to do with Gogol

>>22773192
Sad. I hope it all turned better for you

>>22773209
Nope. I'm still reeling in the aftermath. Lost my career and cushy schedule where I can write freely. Now I wageslave at Walmart

>>22769335
Write an html static website by hand and spam your website to people. Put on 1-5 chapters and link to an email for ordering a book. Set up a payment service or take email transfers

>>22769335
>>22773353
By spamming I mean buy a 4chan advert

was chatting with friends online and i only realized, after sending it, that i had written a sentence almost entirely in reverse
i think it’s over for me. brain tumor or something

Tried going for an epistolary style of story.

>>22772897

Nice and warm atmosphere kind of reminds me of Winesburg, Ohio a little bit with it focusing on a small town. Feels like you're also trying to be McCarthy with dialogue too.

How gay can you make something before straights tune out? Seriously, they're retarded enough to eat anything up as long as it doesn't offend their worthless sensibilities.

>>22773465
whatever that is, is already way too gay. also those peacock colors clash-- fuck, see what you've done?

>>22773453
That's not a tumor, that's just the poetry center of your brain finally developing! Because, all great artists die young.

@22773454
>blatantly ripping off Half Life 2's opening
Such weak b8 that I won't even give a (You).

>>22773523
P is the spirit animal of /lit/. He's so goddamn self loathing and the whole story is solid. Gay as dick on dick in places, but just as hard. No homo. I was asking for a less gay resting point than someone who is unashamedly gay and still acts like a gentleman even though he's a total wreck of a man. Honestly, if you want a Brazilian magical realist detective story told in a novel format where you have to go back, some gay might pop up. I only ever saw those feathers in dreams after I did the route 5 times.

>>22773548

I've actually never played Half Life and fell out of love with video games years and years ago but I'll probably give it a go. I also just re-read and I hate how I repeated lifetime twice.

>>22773578
You also mixed up ancestors and descendants

>>22772466
Two people arrange a FB marketplace sale in a mall parking lot.

>>22767129
self publishing is apparently becoming more of a thing, but marketing is the kicker. i've found some good self published books in tiktok of all fucking places

>>22773609
>nothing evocative or with the slightest hint of intrigue
Why? Here, let me fix it for you.
>Two people arrange a FB marketplace sale in a mall parking lot. One arrives early.
or
>One arrives late.
or even
>One is a man. The other is not.
though that last option is admittedly risky in tranny-obsessed 4chan/modern society.

>>22768815
FIRST CHAPTER COMPLETED

Lit-RPG
https://filebin.net/7hdzn11w8b1gm85b
Download it here and let me know if I can create a series on Royal Road with it.

How do I stop worrying about my statistic? I keep refreshing every 30 minutes to see if anyone's rated or commented.
I know I just need to let things take their course naturally but my anxiety is getting to me.

How important is being able to type to become a writer? I can type at 50 wpm atm. Is that fast enough? How can I type faster?

>>22774299
Dude just fucking write

Hey, when do I get my phonecall with Travis Byrne?

How many times say you say the n-word (nigger) in a book as a white man and still get published? Does having black characters give you a n-word (nigger) pass? Thank

>>22774524
>How many times say you say the n-word (nigger) in a book as a white man and still get published?
As much as you want.

>>22774524
Black people dont call eachother Nigger, they say Nigga unless in a joking manner.
I heard this once
>Man you cheating MF have fun picking up that mess with your nigger hands
They were playing some card game in the back of the class.

>>22774559
Yeah but nigga isnt a real word, its the ebonic pronunciation of nigger. I'd hate to have an editor see those spelling mistakes on a word we all learned in preschool

>>22774583
>word we all learned in preschool
Not everyone's family is obsessed with black people anon.

>mfw copy/pasting sections of my writing in an AI generator to see what comes out

>>22774585
They are if you live in America

>>22774592
No, sounds like your family is just mentally ill and addicted to porn.

>>22774594
What does porn have to do with America's nigger worship?

>>22774596
The fact you cant stop thinking about them

>>22774598
?
You make no sense.

>>22774587
>be in rut for years
>AI Dungeon drops
>toy around with it
>"Hey, 1/10 of these sentences are kind of nice"
>decide it could be a good writing assistant
>but the memory system is shit, the AI can't maintain continuity, it doesn't understand themes or foreshadowing or rising tension or tone or literally fucking anything
>still in rut
I was crushed. I am crushed.

>>22774616
ai dungeon is running on ancient technology relative to what we have now. not that that’ll help with your rut— or how it’s even related to begin with

>>22773578
videogames have come a long way since half-life, and i’m not only referring to the technology
there’s also a niche for everyone at this point

>>22774629
>it's better now!
That has not been my experience with other text generators, but I haven't exactly made a study of it.
>wouldn't help
Au contrair. A protracted writer's block becomes self-sustaining. Just completing a rough draft would be all I need, even if it means using AI to forcibly skip past the "it needs to be good on the first try" self-defeating bullshit.

>>22774616
I meant Dalle for whatever pictures it could make, but I've used an AI writing model once out of curiousity and it only really spouted off some young adult shit

>>22774686
>directly copying prose
That must have some schizophrenic outputs. Mind posting some examples, including the prompt?

>>22774692
Do you mean for the AI pictures or the AI text output?

>>22774524
>ynr that one anon whose novella was 20% nigger

>>22774734
Are you memeing me? Post link

>>22774692
I used poetry as prompts. It worked well. I have a large suite of meh poems

>>22774769

>>22774769
>>22774774
This is the kind of schizophrenia I'm talking about.
>>22774725
I meant the AI pictures and your writing. I have zero interest in YAIslop.

>>22774783
This is my favourite poem :)

Nah, when do I get my phonecall with Travis?

Friends below, enemies atop

>>22774783
Not as schizo as that guy's, but I did find it interesting that these are the artstyles it went with
>When she peered across, she could see a black figure standing completely motionless between two windows. She did not notice it upon approach. Its hands were held together in front — the entirety of its form was without light, and though she could not see any outline of its limbs or its features, she knew, unhesitatingly, that it was poised in this manner, even wore a dress; that it was a woman and not a doll speaking to her.

>>22774843
>[Word]ly
Plz no

Gordildesh skipped past the market and into the square, holding two small heads by their fair red hair, announcing gravely that the prince and princess of Klim had been stolen from their hold in the middle of the night, brought to a dungeon low in the ground in a valley withdrawn, and quartered, eaten, tortured, this was what was left; and for what, asked Gordildesh, to the square. What might these young ones have tortured out of them, eh? He swung the heads.

>>22774847
Adverbs are fine retard.

>>22774916
Its lazy writing

>>22774148
>NO COMMENT
It's over

>>22774847
Yeah, I'll omit that once I get to editing. No reason for it be in there

>>22774916
Adverbs aren't necessarily bad, so his way of phrasing the criticism is retarded, but "completely" is a redundant modifier of "motionless". You cannot be partially motionless, at least not without drilling into gestalt ideas of your hand vs. "you". In this case, the adverb must die.

>>22775097
Shit I didn't even catch that one in my sentence, thanks anon

>>22775097
>utterly
Probably my most hated useless word.

>>22774973
ok i'm checking it out now

>>22774973
>>22775173
>epub
nvm, i've recently formatted and i really dont want to install adobe or even think about what else id have to install

>>22775180
Smartphone?

>>22775136
Yes, but I love describing a woman's breasts as "udders", so it's a wash.
>>22775121
You're welcome.

>>22775186
windows 11

>>22775277
>Windows store
>Download reading app

>>22775281
i might when i get out of bed, but consider this: if i desecrate my fresh format with an app to read an epub from /wg/, and then it loads on startup or asks for a donation i will kill myself immediately
would you risk my life like that?

>>22775292
Sorry bro
PDF as soon as possible

>finished a rough draft of the prologue
Bros, I'm gonna make it. We're all gonna make it.

>>22775315
Based anon

>>22775315
your success has motivated me
wagmi /wg/

>>22775292
just use calibre?

>>22775292
>with an app to read an epub
just get an extension for your browser

>>22775292
>>22775416
Better yet, get a rope extension for your neck

who is going to bake?

>>22775180
HERE PDF AND EPUB
https://filebin.net/p9r1z1yamijfu1j3

LITRPG for RoyalRoad
send opinions

hey when do i get my phonecall with Travis?

>>22775527
ok, i've read your chapter. i'm not really sure how to approach this; it does seem overly hammy/cliche'd. could you talk about what you're planning?

in regards to your worldbuilding, i don't believe a class as basic as 'javelinist' warrants such a unique/exceptionably poor ranking, and it's implied that the class is what's being ranked. not a rank with a class. so it just isn't believable.

anyway, i know a lot of people betatest stuff on scribblehub before uploading to RR, you could always try that. i assume the expectations are different there.

>>22775604
>could you talk about what you're planning?
to elaborate; if you are doing some sort of satire or deconstruction, you still should not be abusing cliche's or hamming it up like that.

>>22775611
>>22775604
>Could you talk about what you're planning?

The story can be described as an exploration of worldbuilding; many chapters will be from the perspectives of secondary characters. However, clichés are necessary for the LitRPG genre.

As for the plot, thr MC is very unlucky.

>Javelinist
Weaker than a spear and with less range than a bow. A secondary weapon that can be used only once in the entire battle.

So FFF
>Satire
It's a dark comedy but not satire

>litrpg
maybe I live under the rock but I've only been hearing about this for the past half a year, and yet it seems to be everywhere. What's the appeal?

>>22775643
Read webtoons
Start with SSS class suicide hunter

>>22775643
it's a subgenre, or.. subsubgenre. progression fantasy, with structuring, and heavy (but appropriate?) exposition in the form of videogame mechanics. so it's easy to write, and consume.
it's basically fanfic.

>>22775636
i understand, but i wasn't born yesterday.
>Weaker than a spear and with less range than a bow. A secondary weapon that can be used only once in the entire battle.
this dude is going to be conjuring javelins out of magic. don't you dare try and tell me otherwise.

>>22775658
Magic javelins can be used, but they are really weak; the physical ones are disposable but cost a lot of money.

Also is INT is 010, so utter shit.

>>22775658
Magic javelins can be used, but they are really weak; the physical ones are stronger but cost a lot of money.

Also Mc's INT is 010, so utter shit.

>>22775666
my the point is, i'm the reader. don't tell me this on 4chan. your own tropes are betraying you in this case.

during the sorting ceremony, have some mid-tiers, give more insight.
the readers won't have the big picture that you do.
use more foreshadowing or something. set the tone IMMEDIATELY. there's no hint of dark comedy yet. that has to be established in the first chapter. (has to as in, highly recommended. do whatever you want chief).

i could go on. and that's an understatement. but right now i don't think it'll be constructive. when you get feedback, don't explain yourself-- think, 'why are they saying this?' even if they're wrong. i hope you understand why.

the bbc played that such heavy nxn lego goth rock on drums and make the plump plump brap from that such intense bbc drummer and when that big larvee nigga say they really want pumpkin radio station to play this fucking track to play that fucking track which made such fucking hot wheels scene trip about the new painting

why bbc such better writer than faggot ?

this bbc poem
brap say that name
brap brap you like brc

>>22775689
Most of the story will focus on F-tier and S-tier characters. Also, the next chapter will consist of lore dumping about the powers.

>foreshadowing
>If only you knew how bad things really are

>Dark Humor
Uncle's scene.

>reader
You are a beta tester. Still thanks for your time.

What do you guys think of this prose?

>>22775666
Not to /k/ this thread up but how is javelin expensive? It requires less material than a normal spear and was historically one of the characteristic weapons of troops from lower means.

>>22775748
Nice. It flows very well for the most part, though I would make the following two changes:

>unravelling THE layers of their lives
>of the library, under the soft glow of reading lamps

Both make a small improvement to the flow of the passage for me (native speaker, British). It is arguable that unravel is not technically a suitable word when referring to layers, but I don't really care if the meaning isn't too much of a stretch and it sounds nice enough, and I believe my opinion representative of most people's on that.
Overall this is very functional; easy to read and reasonably engaging if not particularly prepossessing or poetic. If you have a more ambitious excerpt, I would be interested to read it.

>>22775769
The javelin disintegrates after a single throw. A spear is reusable, and arrows require less material.

But the main issue is supply and demand. Almost no one has the Javelinist class; those who buy them want a weapon for emergency use, so it's preferable to produce a few high-quality pieces.

MIGRATE
>>22775833
>>22775833
>>22775833