/lit/ - Literature

I hate myself

>>21743354
I have no reason to leave. My parents bring groceries and supplies for me.

>>21743346
You really couldn't wait an hour or two to make a new thread?

>>21743367
A thread like this is highly competitive. It's guaranteed to have enough replies to reach bump limit. And you get to feel the ecstasy of your children playing on your back.

Since we don't have a /sqt/ or /qtddtot/ I'll post my question in this shitheap of a thread: I'm trying to remember a scene from a book I read many years ago. The protagonist is walking, possibly on a beach, and he's talking about his purpose as an artist. There is the image of a fire within and a eureka sort of feeling. I think it might have been in Portrait of the Artist.

I've tried searching it and leafing through bits of Joyce but I have the memory of a true concussion connoisseur. Can anybody confirm my vague impression of this scene in something? Is it actually Joyce I'm thinking of? Also whereabouts? It's been nagging at me on and off like whatever you call the literary equivalent of an earworm.

>>21743358
Fair play

>>21743420
Under the Bleachers by Seymoure Butts

baking

>>21743436

I like it when my boyfriend beats me up, and he knows that I do, and he tries not to hit too hard where I'd need makeup to cover it.

Whenever I see a couple my age, I suddenly get filled with despair and bitterness. I'm literally the chudjak meme.

I got murder on my mind

2 house parties in a row. rare
https://youtu.be/N7sa9r0mvBs

a 20yo kenyan-living-in-japan girl just showed me her tits on omegle

>>21743420
There was a /sqt/ / /qtddtot/ thread a few days ago, where did it go? Why don't the OPs of those things ever fucking make a commitment to keep them bumped?

>>21743467
did u ever notice how tryhard albums are always mastered a certain way? everything xi posts has the same dynamic range and a sort of thin mix. i can hear one second of a mix and know it's tryhard shit for people who want to be cool.

I want to fuck a friend of mine, but she has been such a good friend to me that I think my sexual desire towards her is a form of ungratefulness

>>21743346
My mother recently returned.
If I'm honest I am happy when she is gone. When she's away, I am finally free and able to act as I please, but now that she's back she brings such a coldness with her.
I felt my mood instantly shift for the worse.
She's so full of bitterness and insecurity, and a quiet suspiciousness. Instead of just directly asking me about stuff she always has to be really weird and indirect. Around her I feel naturally on edge. The internet has only made her weirder, perverted her mind in some ways. Filling her head with a stream of political vitriol and silly ideas.
With my dad, he's a simple but kind hearted person, and if I have any grievances with him they are very minor in comparison. I don't really understand what my dad sees in my mom. He's kind hearted, doting (in an anxious way), she cold as ice, judgmental, and prone to paranoia.
She's not openly vindictive, it's her silent judgment that weighs on me. And for some reason as soon as she's gone it's like a great weight drops from me and I'm free to enjoy what I enjoy and be myself.
Now that she's back, I find I can't focus on my studies and feel this pervasive sense of being watched.
I don't like to write this because it feels petty and vindictive.

>>21743420
Isn't it one of the first few chapters of Ulysses, where Stephen Dedalus is walking on the beach?

>>21743729
chapter 3 to be precise, Proteus. It has Dedalus on a beach rambling in stream-of-consciousness about his life and purpose

I stayed up til 5 am last night getting wasted drunk. Woke up at 1:30 in the afternoon. Spent an hour masturbating. Now I'm ready to go get fast food, ciggaretes, might stop off at a bar for a beer and then attend my christian youth group a little later in the evening. I will then come home, watch some horror movie and drink a few beers. This has been my weekend routine for about 3 years now

>>21743467
I dont get it. You have friends and go to parties. Why are you miserable? Did weed just fry all your dopamine receptors?

>>21743781
>average Christian

>>21743785
Desu, I've been drifting away from the church for a while. Starting to think that my religiousness was just a phase. Dont know why I couldnt have had a normal phase, like skateboarding, or punk music, or something. I had to go balls deep into some weird idealist mystic philosophy. I blame Plato. Plato is a gateway drug to Christianity

>>21743781
>christian youth group
any nice girls?

>>21743901
Yeah but they all went to college. It's a sausage fest now

Should you let a girl finger you?

The moment I have sex with one woman I won’t be able to stop. So I need that woman to be the one, otherwise I will become a whore.

>>21743813
I was like that, but I'm just into art now (literature, music, painting, etc.). I'm more interested in Tolkien's sort of anti-philosophy.

I am walking up a highway towards the interstate, the darkness between streetlights lit by a waxing moon. The wind and distant traffic nearly hides the tinnitus ringing in my ears, and every now and again a passing vehicle sends a gust of nighttime air buffeting past me. Whenever a truck approaches, I stare as if it were the light at the end of a dark tunnel. Though fearing it, the possibility, the availability of death brings me great comfort. I try to empty my mind as I approach the interstate's entrance point.
Will I kill myself? Or, like always, will I return?

out of the endless forms, three happens to be instantiated in this universe because of its stability and capability to be endlessly replicated to produce any other number

>>21744014
wat about monad????

>>21744024
one and two also exist but it's not until you reach three that things become stable

i'm angry at so many other people being assholes
operator
operator i know i can kill
the truth is just beyond the gate

I crave cunny...

>>21743346
I want to learn the zoomr vernacular and become bussin'.

How do I do it?

>>21743930
Yeah of course. You're lucky if yiu can find a girl who wants to do butt stuff with you.

>tfw the only thing that ever happens is family drama
>if I talk about family drama (because it’s the only thing ever happening) it always turns out terribly even if extremely minor
>gets back to a divorced parent which makes my life even more miserable robbing me of the maybe fine day I was having prior

No more fagmas, no more thanksgiving. I thought two holidays a year may be too little, but it turns out it’s too much. I hate them all so goddamn much. I hope they fucking choke to death in their fucking sleep.

>>21743346
I change my mind. What does that mean?

>>21743786
i dont know. its hard to explain

>>21744079
first of all don't say "bussin'". no zoomer actually says that, only boomers on 4chan when they try to imitate it

>>21744144
Ok I heard about goatest and og

My phone is shut off sitting in a drawer and I still get moments of anxiety when I hear anything that sounds like a phone vibrating. Cars driving by, a pencil or brush rolling across my desk, vibrations through the ventilation. And phantom vibrations in my pocket. I can't fucking stand having a phone and I can never have mine shut off long enough to put an end to these feelings because people start freaking out if they can't reach me.

>>21744098
I know what you mean. I hardly have a life outside of my family drama and I can never talk about what I do with people because I dont want to spill my dysfunction all over them

Decided to check out a bar. Its actually not that fun but thats probably because I'm alone.

>>21744137
Try to explain. I need this insight.

I'm dead?

>>21744287
Oh yeah, sorry, forgot to tell you

Oh man, the people of the past were so inferior intellectually!
They believed in God, but now we see there is no physical evidence of God acting, we know he isn't there!
What if we are wrong you ask? Well, then we might be tortured for eternity for our arrogance. But I definitely don't believe in that God, that would be stupid!

>>21743346
I shaved and my jaw is very weak, round like a womans when it previously was farily chad. I have gained some weight since I was last clean shaven (maybe around 20 lbs) but I think the main thing is I got some teeth aligners and it rounded my lower jaw. wat do bros

>>21744298
>believe in le semetic fairy tale cause otherwise youll burn

>>21743346
I have autism and reading books is hard because my roommate makes certain noises which forces me to re-read sentences in the books I have and it forces me to end up finishing books at 3 months time or longer.

>>21743458
they should just legalize rape at this point to make the birthrates go up

>>21744361
Bluetooth headphones + brown noise. Problem solved.

>>21744348
sure, and atheists deserve to be thrown in concentration camps. they're similar to ANTIFA, which is defined by a negative. if your identity revolves around those negative values you don't deserve to have rights.

>>21744380
I'll look into it

>>21744407
>if your identity revolves around those negative values you don't deserve to have rights.
My identity doesn't revolve around being an atheist. I simply don't believe God exists.
Good luck with your concentration camp plans

Feels so good to have somebody notice your talent, man. It's like 30% of the reason I push myself so hard.

>>21744348
Imagine thinking without a shred of doubt that a world far beyond human comprehension couldn't possibly have been made by something far beyond human comprehension. Imagine thinking this and thinking yourself smarter than literally every major philosopher and scientists (who believed in God) there ever was before the year 2000

>>21744298
>no physical evidence of God acting,
*blocks your path*

>>21744543
>muh appeal to tradition
>imagine thinking blah blah blah
I don't have to imagine thinking it, I simply do.

>>21743470
Its over. Japan has fallen

I woke up in a hotel room in Las Vegas, surrounded by empty bottles, syringes and casino chips. I had no idea who I was, where I came from or why I was there. The only clue was a notebook on the nightstand with the words "Fear and Loathing in Plato's Republic" written on the cover. I opened it and found a series of notes, sketches and diagrams that seemed to document my journey across America in search of the ideal society. Along the way, I had met various characters who represented different aspects of human nature: reason, passion, appetite, justice and injustice. Some of them were friends, some were enemies and some were both.

I had also experimented with various drugs that altered my perception of reality and enhanced my philosophical inquiry. I had tried to recreate the effects of the hemlock that killed Socrates, the madeleine that triggered Proust's memory, the LSD that inspired Pynchon's paranoia and the mescaline that fueled Thompson's madness. I hoped to find some answers to the eternal questions: What is good? What is evil? What is real? What is illusion? But instead of finding clarity, I had only found confusion. The more I learned, the less I understood. The more I saw, the less I believed.

I realized that I had failed in my quest. I had not found Plato's Republic; I had only found fear and loathing. And now I was trapped in this hellish city with no way out. I closed the notebook and looked at myself in the mirror. I did not recognize the face staring back at me. It was pale, gaunt and haunted by despair. Who am I? What have I done? Where do I go from here? These were the questions that tormented me as I prepared to face another day in Las Vegas.
>all royalties for this narrative belong to Bing and Microsoft Corporation, we don't fuck around, we have lawyers and we know how to use them.

My life is boring and uninteresting. I don’t have any real goal or project I’m working on, but even if I did, I don’t really have the space or privacy to work on it. I’ve wanted to write a book for a while, but I just never have a quiet house.

>>21744696
I really am disappointed with my life actually now that I think about it. I’m well past the age where things have sort of turned out a certain way. I’m not at the age where life is nothing but potential anymore. It’s really just not fulfilling in any respect. I’m starting to see the point in continuing less and less.

I’m not as negative as my posts on this website would imply. For sure, I’m in a particularly unhappy stage of my life right now. I’ve been stuck in it for a few years and I have a hard time not wearing my true feelings on my sleeve. But I’m really not that negative. I’m only negative here because this is the only place I can vent, get advice, and talk to people who can understand. I can let my thoughts out and forget them. Thank God it’s anonymous.

>>21744664
Obviously Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas but it also feels like Memento. Anyway, you do any more fetish stories?

I have to listen to shitty live music blasting through my walls and all I want is to read in peace and quiet. I dont know how normies do it, live music was probably the worst part of going out. I guess everything sounds good when drunk or hanging out with friends.

>>21744731
Good eye puffy jacket fren. I am admitting to you now that I am perhaps overly cautious of prompting bing to be too sexual, since it took me a week to wait on the wait list for this thing.
But if you have a particular prompt you'd like me to try out, which I may modify according to my own paranoia of losing access to the bot, you should feel welcome to suggest one, a prompt that is.

>>21744743
I'll have to think about it. I dont have any experience with ai. I'm not sure what kind of prompt I could feed it to give me my coom bait. Give me some time to contemplate and masturbate and when I see your next post I'll respond.

>>21744753
please take some time, because actually I have seemed (surprisingly) to have hit my 24 hours limit just now.

>>21744758
Huh, I didnt know it was so regulated. Are other AIs more easily accessible? Ive been thinking about playing with chat gpt

>>21744765
it's a matter of a few months before they are more ubiquitous. "the new Bing" has been out in a preview mode for a few weeks now, and it takes about a week to reach the end of the waitlist when you sign up.

I certainly can not vouch for it totally since they do have a bit of a "know your customer" philosophy, but if you can manage you own computers' privacy then maybe you'll want to check out Bing. Which is based on GPT, OpenAi, but has a few less limiters, and things.

But really the biggest news of late, as I understand it, is that the Faceboook version of AI "chat bots" is the LLaMa bot that was leaked just two days ago. /g/ is on the task currently in which they are going to bring LLaMa to all anons. This means potentially a free, unrestricted or "labotomized" version of GPT Ai.

I cum quicker jerking off than when having sex or getting head

>>21744765
I will keep my bot creations confined to this thread and certainly not /wg/ because they are still in the anger or denial phase of this.
Pic related is a story I will get a Hollywood agent with and there is nothing you can do about it. There's nothing you can do about it (you in general here, not you, anon, in particular)

Is 30 years old the point of no return?

>>21744787
Well desu, I'm pretty excited for all the opportunities of ai literotica. If I hadn't already jacked offtwice today, I'd probably be jacking off just thinking about it

>>21744811
Return from what

I feel lonely. all I want is some friends

>>21744739
Do you have earplugs? My situation improved six tiers when i got earplugs and a Whitesl lll noisy machine. Don't even use them. Idgaf anymore just because i can use them.

Fuck college. College is limiting my growth as a human being. I don't have time for anything but myself (or rather, my future self) and everyone I talk to seem to be self-complacent to the point of retardedness sometimes. I wish I was joking when I say that some of these mofos have no long term vision. They are literally unable to think about the future, not even a year ahead even though they must be going to college for something. My class comrades are four years in their studies and all they do is frying their brains with TikTok, alcohol and drugs and because of this there is nothing to learn from them. You'd expect upper and middle-class kids to be well educated and interested in creating something yet they just consume and consume and consume. I'm forced to spend time (networking) with people who probably won't go that far in their careers and have nothing to offer. Humanity's last internet bastions are populated by retards who can't think and as thus can't create anything, I'm living one of the most intellectually poor periods in my life and there is nothing I can do except create art and vent.

I'm Jack.
Jack Sparrow.
No, not that Jack Sparrow. The other one. The one who's not a pirate but a hacker. The one who's not famous but infamous.
I'm on the run from the law, from the corporations, from the hackers and from myself. I've hacked into some of the most powerful and secretive organizations in the world: governments, banks, media, military, intelligence agencies. You name it, I've hacked it.
I've done it for fun, for money, for justice and for revenge. I've done it to expose corruption, to expose lies, to expose secrets and to expose myself.
I've seen things you wouldn't believe: wars, crimes, scandals, conspiracies. I've seen things you shouldn't see: passwords, codes, files, messages.
I've made friends and enemies along the way: fellow hackers who share my passion or hate my guts; journalists who want my stories or want me dead; activists who support my causes or oppose my methods; agents who chase me or help me.
I've traveled across continents and oceans: from New York to London; from Paris to Tokyo; from Moscow to Rio de Janeiro; from Sydney to Cape Town.
I've lived in luxury and poverty: in penthouses and hotels; in hostels and motels; in cars and trains; in tents and caves. I've experienced love and hate: with women and men; with strangers and lovers; with friends and foes; with myself.
This is my story. This is my life. This is Jack Sparrow: A Picaresque Hacker.

>>21744850
I don’t know. Starting something I guess. I’m turning 30 soon. I’m just really down on how my 20s haven’t quite gone the way I wish they had and it’s made me pessimistic about the future. It’s become something of an obsession.

>>21744978
Thats exacrly what I thought when I was in college. Dropped out to go do "serious" stuff. Now I look back on it and wish i had the carefree, youthful environement just to piss around in. Ugh.

>>21745025
That obsession is called rumination. I'm sure it wasnt all bad. Its just easier to recall the bad

>>21745049
Well, what did you do? I think there’s a lot to be said about life experience. It’s better to have an interesting biography to look back on than an education.

>>21745052
I guess that’s the thing. It wasn’t bad per se. I’m really quite fortunate compared to many others. I personally am just very unhappy with what I did. I have this image of who I want to be and who I’ve been and those things feel irreconcilable.

>>21745049
>Dropped out
Almost never ends well unless you have a solid plan and three backup plans.
>Now I look back on it and wish i had the carefree, youthful environement just to piss around in. Ugh.
What carefree environnement to piss around in? A few times aside it has been nothing but stressful to me.

>>21745077
Theres nothing stressful about being a teenager on a unviersity campus, unless you're legitimately working your way through college, juggling a few part time jobs. What, you got 3, 4 classes? Go into class 4 days a week max, write an essay or two. Then what? You play with friends, find yourself, etc etc. Theres not a single thing stressful ablut it unless you're a big time sperg who cant make friends.

If it's moral for a consenting person to have sex with someone known to have a higher intelligence of a similar distance we have from intelligences unable to consent even if you are knowingly partaking in their advantage over you, then why is the opposing end of the butter that was spread on toast the side which is often, whilst flipped in the air, the side that lands downward from that which was on the end of butterside?

>>21745096
>Theres nothing stressful about being a teenager on a unviersity campus,
I'm past teenage age and doing what is the equivalent of a masters degree
>What, you got 3, 4 classes? Go into class 4 days a week max, write an essay or two.
I go to classes 5 days a week, from 9 to 5
>Then what? You play with friends, find yourself, etc etc.
There is afterclass work and mid or end of semesters exams to prepare. I barely have time to go out this month because I have 20 pages internship report to write and 5 study cases to finish before mid-march. After this, I have exams on the 21th and the 26th of march. I don't know how college life is in the US but in France it is definitely not what you're describing. No one has this kind of free time in STEM except slackers, and slackers don't finish their degrees.

https://youtu.be/UqWJ6uf8AGE

Great, now I'm brooding again. I had the whole world laid out for me and I fucking squandered it. Went off to university and all it did was isolate me. Everything went wrong. It's like all the circumstances were designed to fuck with my head. It ruined my life. I will never be a normal, functional person now, all because I went to the wrong fucking university. I'm so angry and so bitter. I wish I could go back and change it all but i guess I just have to be haunted for the rest of my life.

>>21745138
Big deal. Try working a real job before complaining about college

>>21745152
I've worked real jobs. I spend my summer holidays doing shitty underpaid jobs. I just checked on the internet and college is considered more stressful than work for most people. Thanks for your experience based opinion

>>21745163
Oh wow, you've worked summer jobs! And you checked the internet, and saw teenagers complain! Well arent you so grown up and mature.

>>21745169
Yup! I completely agree with you.

>>21745180
Of course you do. Academics arent known for their free thinking.

>>21743729
>>21743735
Aha, thanks! For some reason I was convinced it was in Portrait.

>>21744983
more like hack sparrow

>>21745245
Brilliant, thank you for help training my bot. I will use this as the name of the novel. It is composed in the picaresque style of literature and this title fits perfectly. Your human emotion contribution to the language model is not eligible for intellectual royalties realized by this language model system.

Im again scratching my legs till bleeding out of anxiety.

I don't see race. There's only one race. The distance over time sport.

>>21745278
Bro, thats hard way. Just get a razor and give yourself little cuts.

I’m having a hard time accepting being normal.

>>21745289
It's okay. Many people are normal. You'll get through it.

>>21744263
i km ai n ngihtiklgt my ego dieskd years ago. im manic, i judt tskemy lif dya hby ay and however i feelle is how i feel

>>21743346
The internet is a perpetual vibrating onahole machine. It doesn't stop working even after you had long done ejaculating, looking to satiate and quenching the sexual needs of other human beings, it continuously moves in the background without me even noticing and after the thoughts of sex have long been out of my mind.

>>21745332
What

>>21745369
I think he said he thinks his ego died years ago and he's manic and takes his life day by day and however he feels is how he feels. We might be smoking different strains though so I'm not entirely positive something wasn't lost in dialect.

I don't get the impression that /lit/ cares much for watching sports, but I think this analogy is convenient. I get a certain feeling when watching a team that doesn't have enough time on the clock to score enough points to win/tie the game. They haven't entirely given up, but they know they won't win either. That's where my life is.
For various reasons, I have decided that I will likely end my life in approximately one year. Basically, it comes down to not achieving my goals, not even achieving basic expectations, and running out of time to do so. Today, I've accomplished some tasks, but it feels like too little too late.
Today, I am confronted of visions I have experienced from ketamine and the time of my deepest depression. I am lying on a black cliff next to a black abyss. I turn my head to look at the abyss; I am scared and lost.

>>21745369
>>21745390
man i just fuckinf fucjed up with a ladyfriend so this isnt the night for this but anon here is like 70% right so im noy going to tryt ogive some elaborte reoply. i am a jackass
https://youtu.be/r8ikJiKWubY

>>21743933
You don't know that. There are a number of people who get turned off from sex entirely because of their first experience.

If being afraid is a crime we hang side by side.

>>21745404
Why did your ego die

>>21743996
The same things go through my head.

>>21745409
fuckhead i just said this isnt the night for this. what buddy said up there was 100% what i said. ask me tomorrow

>>21744811
If you don’t know how to approach women and pull phone numbers and are single then yes

Hot water bottle on my feet and a croissant with jam is a good ending

>>21745096
>unless you're a big time sperg who cant make friends.
Ha-ha, yeah what kind of loser would be like that...

Am I being dumb for thinking my story focusing on men in the middle of the pack is unique and not done that too much. I feel like our society essentially focuses on people at the very top or people at the very bottom and treats guys who are average or mediocre like disease. You know the story either focuses on the hero who wins the war or a traumatized victim of a terrible crime.

>>21743346
I'm suffering from a compulsion to buy things.
I don't buy too much, but I still buy way more than I want to.

My dreams are killing me. l fear sleep.

I've literally never met a women that made me think "I could spend the rest of my life with her". Not one. In 28 years. Am I alone in feeling this?

>>21745858
No, I've never met an interesting woman. They all have childish views

>>21745144
I like this painting

>>21744187
Get a dumbphone

t. someone who used a dumbphone between 2016 and 2021. I got mocked, but my mind was free. (Only have a smartphone now because my job requires it and the company gave me one. Hate every minute of it. I know I have an addictive personality and I just can’t resist looking at it. Still, 2 hours of screentime daily is better than most.)

>>21745648
i have a compulsion to not buy things. even when i could benefit from buying things like work clothes or amenities for my apartment, i cheap out. i have disposable income it's not like i have to dress in the same thing every day. also i'm really cheap with food. i could afford to buy better food but i still go to the dollar store and target and weight every purchase on a cheapness vs. nutrition matrix.

>>21743346
Which female author is MOST built for BBC?

>>21745293
I don’t think I am normal. I just have a normal life.

When did retard become a no-no word?

>>21746045
the irony is retard was a polite way to say someone is slow

>>21743346
Why do I try to be like the clouds or the sky when I have no wings. I am chasing a dream life falling further and further into an inescapable situation of debt. If I do not find a job I will have to go back to my parents. I will be a failure

>>21744789
I know this feel
in fact I only recently lost my virginity
But, I have not cummed from sex with my girlfriend once.
Only from her handjobs
Un lubed handjobs and blowjobs hurt like hell.

After like 30 minutes fucking my gf gets tired.
Sex really sucks.

Why does it feel like it’s so hard to have an interesting life like people of the past? Are we all just strapped into computers until we die? Nobody really goes anywhere or does anything anymore.

>>21746140
>t. American
You're the only one stopping yourself from doing something interesting. Flights to Africa are probably a few hundred and once you're there you could easily stay for months on scraps if you wanted to. You're just too comfy to do so

How should you cope with being behind in life?

primordial ooze lizard king marmot birds apocalypsis eyes acuity visual hands thumbs feet acuity visual vision brain smoked meat meat killer ape neanderthal love and war digging words logograph emergence of violence of minds the same rivers floods silt seeds adobe clay dissemination bronze spear greater war trade lost tombs and glyphs and stones and slaves and priests lost civilization the sea and sailing and the empires again and again the cradle migration and death and iron alphabet the tree of the fruit of knowledge good and evil and God and gods and the order of the procession the mother and the lightning the horsemen the war the survival the Great Man the philosopher King the alphabet Thor and Dagda the procession of souls moloch and the kings and the sin and the warrior the vowel points the oral tradition the unwritten the emanation the Sun the conquerer the Shamans the new Kingdom to replace the old the Military and Militant life the Republic and the Empire and the remberance and the inspiration

>>21744789
Do you have foreskin?

I grew up in a small closed religious sect. The experience is very confusing, I still can't tell what's considered normal among the people outside of the sect (i.e. everyone I meet on a daily basis), what's good and what's evil.
My brother seems a bit more able to cope, but he has his weird problems. All my peers from the sect are broken in various ways. Those of us who stayed there seem the most mentally fit.

>>21746176
Random and unexpected isn’t necessarily interesting nor what I meant.

sometimes I have dreams where running is extremely difficult and sometimes where it is extremely easy

Does anyone wanna read my book? I’ve finally got a term for it.
It’s a lateral thinking puzzle riddle.

The goal in and of itself is to define who I am and what ‘my’ plans are.
Though it’ll get a lot hairier than that before you actually discover anything significant about me.

If you’ve played stuff like notpr0n or weffriddles you’ll have an idea about what to do.
If not, think tvtropes and pop culture allusions to get an idea of how to ‘think’. And possible answers.

Also it’s to induce endless schizophrenia in the weak.
>folie a deux

>>21736991
>If anyone actually believes me, well, we’re probably going to hell.

>already taking meds, there’s a bit of ranting by me in the linked thread that might offer a clue.

Godspeed.

Speaking of dreams, I had a very disturbing dream when I passed out on way too much benzoshit earlier today, or maybe yesterday.
I was walking down a street in a quaint imaginary town and there was a small animal who bumped into my legs. At first I thought it was a black cat but when I crouched to pet it and took its face in my hands I saw that it was a black lamb. It bleated at me and I let go of it.
Then I reached a small wooden house and sitting on a bench, like a sauna's bench, there was someone inside, naked but with her sex covered. I couldn't really tell if it was a girl or a guy. She was blonde and had this angelic beauty and she teased me by putting her fingers in her mouth and looking at me sultry. I took my clothes off. I didn't want to touch her because I knew she was a filthy prostitute but I was hard and I felt compelled to masturbate to her. Then the door opened and I had a sudden view of the streets and I thought that someone must've been coming in, or did come in. I quietly picked up my shoes and my shirt and my coat and I went out hoping that nobody would see me, and I took a few steps outside barefoot looking around, and fearing that I'd see the black lamb again I put my shoes back on.

>>21744789
You probably have a strong imagination

>>21746140
Because they could die at any moment from forces out of their control

>>21745401
Pray to Jesus

>>21746261
You've missed my point. You COULD go and do something interesting right now but you're choosing not to. Obviously I don't mean in the immediate because you have obligations, but so did people "Back then" they just did it anyway because they didn't have youtube and/or 4chin etc to do.

>>21746456
I think you’re just picking random things that are within the realm of possibility, but that’s not what I meant. When I refer to interesting lives people led in the past, I don’t mean them just up and moving to Africa for no reason to do nothing in particular there.

>>21746489
They had goals, mostly around producing food. Go to Africa and produce food. It will be interesting, even more interesting in Mogadishu or whatever place has similar death rates to the past. There are huge swathes of land that can be unlocked with simple tricks and with benefits to the local ecosystems instead of harm.

>>21746256
What group were you part of?
I was raised Mormon and had a somewhat similar experience. The farther I get from being an active member, the more I realize that being a part of it warped my worldview in ways I'm still discovering. I had major hangups over stupid little things like drinking tea and coffee for years, and that's just scratching the surface. Those of my peers who stayed are constantly trying to gaslight themselves into seeing the church's actions as perfect even when they're not while those who left invariably became hedonists and secular modernists.

Has anyone gotten an MFA after doing an unrelated degree and unrelated work for a while? Was it worth it?

I can even begin to tell you how much of a mistake it’s been working in university administration.

>>21744583
she looked middle eastern & spoke in a british accent

>>21746489
Then why won't you say what you define as interesting instead of leaving me to guess at whatever it is you're going for? I'm using examples that people often dream of when they say listless things like your original post

>As many as one in four students at some elite U.S. colleges are now classified as disabled, largely because of mental-health issues such as depression or anxiety, entitling them to a widening array of special accommodations like longer time to take exams.
i heard if you can pay a doctor to diagnose you with anxiety then you can actually get unlimited time on the sat.

>>21743346
i am either an angel or an alien
i was sent to live as a human so as to discover the best way to help humanity liberate itself from the cycles of tyrannical oppression that define human civilization
i have learnt that such an achievement is outside the scope of human beings
beam me up metatron, i've seen enough

>>21746637
bro i feel you every time you post cuz i too took a higher ed job during the great recession to pay my rent and i've been stuck here lotus eating ever since. the longer i stay the less i like higher ed. at the beginning, i liked it, i'm like oh i'm helping people become educated and making the world a better place, but now i think higher ed as it currently exists in america is a drag on the economy and a drag on people's lives. yes, we still should have some research universities and liberal arts colleges, but we don't need to send every kid to one of these places for 4-6 years just so they can be qualified to put stuff in excel which they really learned how to do by watching tutorial videos on the internet.

I really really want to get into Occult for personal pleasure but I am a lazy faggot and low iq to understand their complex systems and symbolism. I am still agnostic about the whole supernatural shit. I like their paintings and shit. If not for wizard larping, aesthetics can justify the whole ordeal. But I am lazy faggot.

Fuck I hate it.

>>21746662
I can’t define it because the references are historical lives which are too varied to define in any concise ways, but what I’m talking about is how it seems there’s a sort of dynamism in their lives, especially their young lives, that is rarely seen today. Go read the biographies of writers. In the past, writers by the time they were 30 had fought in wars, participated in revolutionary movements, become expats, socialized with artists and poets in salons, moved across countries and into new cities, started businesses, closed businesses, all of these different things. The writer at 30 of today graduated from a college in their home state, maybe pursued an mfa at home, had a mundane office job. People in the past had these calls to action that don’t seem to exist today.

Read Scarhaven Keep by J.S. Fletcher
It looked so promising, but what could have been the big twist was painfully obvious from early on, lot of things are conveniently handed to the heroes, around the half the story just goes really boring, and the conclusion is purely stupid.

>>21746692
Do you have an exit plan? I’ve been here for 4 years. I’ve realized what a waste this field is if you’re not a female with a doctorate. This is a total dead end, it pays next to nothing, and worst of all it doesn’t obviously transfer to anything. I’m 29 and it sucks feeling like something should have clicked or I should’ve been gaining traction in something by now.

My family is really pushing for me to go to Church right now. I haven't been a christian for ~4 years at this point but they don't know that.

>>21746720
well, one trick they use to keep you here is giving you a stipend to blow on grad degrees. it's not enough to finish quickly so idk if it's worth it to take the bait, but i've been thinking about trying to get them to pay for a masters that has some application outside of higher ed. idk maybe something techish like managing lms or something, if i had started it already i'd be almost done by now probably. really though i can write code, so i've just been working on side projects that can serve as portfolio pieces for programming jobs or if anything seems promising enough maybe form an llc around it and try to live off it. idk. prospects are kinda grim. luckily higher ed work is so damn easy. that's the only thing it has going for it, but now that my boss realizes i'm tech savvy he's been adding me to all these bullshit meetings when he has to talk to the people about tech stuff so i can jump in and save his ass when he doesn't get it. too bad i'm not getting any extra pay for this. always makes me want to quit considering many people in our department get paid more than i do but are completely useless. sorry for the wall of text i just chugged an energy drink about to go fuck around outside since it's like 50 degrees out rn.

>>21746728
i always hope this super catholic lady at my work will drag me to mass. i'm not really religious either, but it's a cool larp. she said she was doing stations of the cross for lent or something. i'm like idk what that is but it sounds cool.

>>21746761
I don’t get a stipend but I do get a discount. It’s something like 80% off which still leaves a lot of money and the caveat is that you can only attend half time so any degree takes twice as long. I’ve noticed that every single high level administrator that’s received their position in the last few years has been a woman that started her career in faculty or industry. Not a single person started in admin. It’s a complete waste of time because you can’t even climb the ladder realistically and ever since lockdowns, we’re on a hiring and promotion freeze so you can’t make any more money either.
I will admit that it’s a good job for a writer because the workload is so low and remote work so freely available but that’s it. The meetings thing is the worst part about higher ed though. There’s no actual work to be done so there’s just pointless meeting after pointless meeting. That, or the fact that the diversity and inclusion girls are now the highest paid for their experience in the whole college.
I’ve started telling people not to bother me unless it’s an emergency. If you’ve not invested a lot of time into this career yet, I’d advise you to leave. I think the writing is on the wall with this industry anyway. I’ve been thinking applying to medical school because I have a biology degree and also about government work since I work at a public uni and am technically a state employee already.

>>21746802
Meant for
>>21746761

>>21745144
I've seen that painting! Yesterday actually
>>21745873
yeah, he was a great landscape painter, that glacier in the back is amazing

>>21746720
i can program, so i'll probably transition to something tech whenever this recession blows over or if worst comes to worst, i'll just take an office manager job, since that's more or less the same juggling bureaucratic bs but will pay more in the private sector. depressing to think i stayed at this job for an entire market cycle. real waste of life time, but like i said, i believed in the mission at the beginning.

>>21746802
oh sorry deleted my ramblings. it's the same here. most people at the top are women with doctorates. there are a couple dudes with doctorates, but they have been in higher ed for decades and are just now making the same income as a programming with 3-5 years experience, and unlike a programmer, they have to wear suits to work and are always dressed in the dandyist outfits. so it's not even how many grad degrees can you accumulate it's also how much a fashion show can you put on every time you get in front of a zoom camera.

>>21746824
It’s not a bad plan. I want to avoid the private sector personally.

>>21746869
Yep. Same here. This small handful makes insane salaries too while everyone else gets pennies. This whole industry is so immoral. To think this is happening on the backs of students with debt is abhorrent. We’re considered public servants as well because we’re a public school. What kind of public servant makes that kind of money while the rest are broke or in debt? It’s sickening.

>>21746802
oh on the dei stuff, my hr department is always always always going about diversity shit, but the department is literally 100% female. i'm like they couldn't at least hire a gay guy or a transman or something? you know, for diversity?

>>21743358
That’s a great song by PHF

>>21746883
yup, some of them are so sneaky too. they work full time as bureaucrats but then take on teaching gigs or non-credit workshops that pad their income even more.

>>21746915
Have you ever thought about teaching high school or community college?

>>21743346
What pens do you guys use? I need a good one that will last. Refillable too of course.

My mom is bringing her new boyfriend for a 4th night in a row, we live in a tiny apartment that's 5 steps in either direction. This is the woman that was practically begging me to come live with her in a foreign country just half a year ago. I just came back home after work, after getting the call, and it smells.

>>21746950
How old are you and why aren't you telling her off. If you live in such a small apartment you can't spare room for another person.

>>21746942
idk but this song influenced me to think pulp pens are good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qao4jQsLlfg
https://pulp-shop.com/collections/pen

>>21746140
I disagree, people lead even more boring lives earlier in history, there are of course exceptions but most people were toiling the earth or laboring elsewhere, the minority you think of is the remarkable ones which history has preserved. The sad fact is that you today have way more freedom to do what could make you great than those peasants ever had. I don't mean to bring you down (I think I mostly want to bring myself down) but that is the truth as I see it. Being born into this 21th century society is an undeniable material privilege. However spiritually dead it might feel for some, it still provides a plethora of options for anyone born on the right side of the world. I don't think I would have a lead a fascinating life 200 years ago, but back then I would probably not care so much about it.

>>21746917
people always say that but i don't want to have to deal with student's bullshit. i see all the dishonest shit they try to pull, but at least i don't have to be directly involved with them right now.

>>21746957
"Lovers of Otto Hutt writing implements appreciate individuality and uniqueness – because that’s exactly why they buy them: Each Otto Hutt brand product is unique, provided with a six-digit code that is engraved on the cap. "

Seems to me like some hippie bullshit. I need input from people who actually write with a quality pen and can recommend me one

>>21746963
I don’t either. I only ask because it seems like a natural path, maybe the only natural path, after exiting from higher ed.

>>21746590
>What group were you part of?
Prefer not to share, because it's really not large (although worldwide).
It's one where the founder (who only died in this century) claimed to be the one God. At the same time, there are many different deities taken from established religions - in fact, any deity you can think of is a minor god in the religion: all Hindu gods, Jesus, Buddha, etc.. but also even Socrates, Zoroaster and Laozi were deities that we would sing matras to. Fun thing though is that each of these specific religions is frowned upon by the sect, but their deities are taken to the pantheon.
There's also heaps of theory on chakras and how you can help a cause by special rites including fire, water, "vibrational energy" or chanting mantras.
It's some real schizo shit, and what keeps breaking me too is that similarly to taking in deities, it takes most of the taboos from other religions: drugs including alcohol are pure evil, men and women are segregated and you absolutely cannot try to form a relationship with a female member (except in special rites where a wife is chosen for you by the sect) and communicating with members of other sects, or with practitioners of tantra and such, is not technically forbidden, but you pollute yourself by it and have to be cleansed.
>The farther I get from being an active member, the more I realize that being a part of it warped my worldview in ways I'm still discovering.
It's the same case for me.

Movie recommendations please
https://youtu.be/LsM_L_R9Th4

>>21746984
idk that transitioning from higher ed to lower ed is much of an upgrade.

>>21746991
The Conformist (1970)

>>21743346
3 pints is the lower limit of my knobhead powers.
8 pints is the outer limit of greatness.
It's a complex conundrum.

>>21745858
Why are their boobs naked? Is it fan service? Did these painters simply coombait?

>>21746045
There's no filter at the pub my man.

>>21745401
Get a wife and then fuck her off to sink pints with the lads.

>>21744739
Move to the countryside. Burghers are an aberration.

>>21744298
non-deists can be good because of you continuing the lineage of received morality.
without you they'd sacrifice children etc. but thanks to the believers some of the atheists develop conscience and are saved.

>>21745858
I have. You were spared a lot of lifelong pain.

>>21746869
>so it's not even how many grad degrees can you accumulate it's also how much a fashion show can you put on every time you get in front of a zoom camera.
This is every industry now. Actually this is life now. The systemic demoralizing effects of this are only beginning to show and will reach a critical mass soon. Men's natural inclination to defer to women's "niceness" and "homemaking" (officemaking) tendencies has led to a feminized space that is more spiritually degrading than life in any totalitarian state, because it wears away at you over time and infects and rots you from within before you can put up a defense against it.

Men are meant to strive, to recognize and attack obstacles, to compete with one another in open fields, to be pushed into the margins or to the lowest ranks of a hierarchy and fight their way to the center or the top, etc. These tropes and dynamics are in the blood, they are supposed to be the unconscious, eternally recurring substructure of life itself. But this entire substructure has been replaced by a dominance hierarchy and a center-periphery logic that is FEMININE in essence. Men are basically going schizophrenic and sinking into total depression everywhere and have no idea why. "I don't get it, the propaganda minister on the TV with the caked-on makeup and fake eyelashes and surgically altered jaw because she's a demented self-worshipping entirely sensuous clown is telling me the world has never been better!" That's called doublethink. You are being tortured every moment of every single day by being lied to, and forced to jam the square peg of the lie into the round hole of your own instincts.

It takes the average good-natured man years and years to realize that "Zoom calls" were wearing him down a psychically at such a subtle level that it was almost impossible to detect, that working a "Zoom call job" makes you want to fucking kill yourself. Well guess what, the effect is reversed for women. They LIVE for that shit. Women are saltwater fish who transform freshwater bodies into saltwater bodies when they are transplanted into them. You are a freshwater fish wondering why you are constantly burning and suffocating with no apparent cause. The effects of this can't be reversed except by a total collapse. And women are mentally children and everything they do is done with the same seriousness and same "feeling" as a bunch of frivolous 14 year olds going to McDonalds on a Sunday, so good luck trying to get them to understand and to modify their behavior at all.

>>21746962
Well, yeah that’s true but I guess I was referring to most educated people, the sort of people you might come across a biography of.

>>21746995
I don’t think it’s an upgrade but I think teaching is a more respectable job and probably a more enjoyable one, assuming you’re at the right school. Let’s face it. Administrators are basically worthless. This is truly a dead-end job. Teaching is an actual profession.

You could pursue a PhD if you wanted to be faculty. I’ve considered it myself.

>>21747009
That’s a scene from The Odyssey where Nausicaä and her entourage are out cleaning their laundry. It is not mentioned but heavily implied that they’re as naked as shipwrecked Odysseus. So the painting is rather modest in its interpretation.
Yeah, The Odyssey is bawdy at times. “Fan service” indeed.

>>21747051
Islam will win.
Which is a shame because they shun pints of smooth ale.
But we don't deserve the smooth ale, because we have allowed civilisation to burn in feminine destruction.
The pendulum swings, the pints pull, but alas it is the amberglow of the last embers of our civilisation ringing as the bell of last orders.

Feels bad seeing girls my age suddenly hit the wall.

>>21746977
Dude just buy a TWSBI or a Lamy or something.

>>21747073
The 30 something lady who delivers my veg can't find a man and her arse is fantastic.
What even is this wall?
Is it short enough to bend them over it?
Slags are a gift from the LORD.

Are manga and anime art?

>>21747066
i can't pay my rent with respect. i'd rather be entry level code monkey at google than a tenured professor at a middling state school.

>>21747060
I figured that from your latest post, but what you need to know is that we're the plebeians of our age, living like the patricians of the past. You can still do great things, it's just that most people don't. Don't be like most people :^)

>>21747073
Girls tend to want guys 5-8 years older than them so it doesn’t matter if girls your age are hitting the wall so much as it matters if girls 5-8 years younger than you are hitting the wall. That puts you at like 35-43.

>>21747096
Who are the patricians of our age? Were writers not also patricians? Most of them have typical middle class backgrounds.

>>21747092
Poo drawn stick men on a cave wall is art. Is there a lower threshold? If everything was burned in nuclear hellfire and an archaeologist in 5000AD found anime would he say it is irrelevent or reverent?

>>21747094
I don’t see faculty salaries but I don’t think professors are broke and they definitely have a lot more freedom in their jobs than code monkeys, but fair enough.

>>21747109
Good point. I guess what I’m really asking is if manga and anime can be fine art, which I would differentiate from pop art. In general, I’d say it’s pop art but sometimes I see some stuff that really impresses me and I think there’s more to it. A lot of literary fiction blurs the lines between genre fiction and literary fiction now so I don’t see why other artistic mediums can’t be the same.

>gets mad
>pretends to be calm
I'll try again later.

>>21747100
NTA but I'm a loser st 35 and I just want to kill mysekf. All the dreams I had in my 20s were shattered. My relationships all failed. I'll never be happy, I can just exist and it's not worth it if it's nothing but misery and disappointment

I wonder just how much longer literature has before it faces the reality of ai.
>>>/g/91912943

>>21747188
This is because you were raised in a feminize society that deprived you of any purpose. You were raised as a woman. You are hitting the wall the same way women do, except without any of the benefits of of being pre-wall and carefree and frivolous in your youth. In any other epoch or civilization you would just now be entering the best and main part of your life, where you're established enough to enter into the lists with other men in your field, you would probably have just married an adequately pretty 19 year old and had sex with her three times per year so she could get busy being a mother and homemaker. Instead you're a 35 year old honorary woman complaining on the worldwide woman chatbox about how you don't have enough "fun," which your deprived mind can only understand as meaningless sex and hedonism, and the meaningless financial success necessary to enable these, formerly considered the lowest and most disgraceful kind of success.

You should make it your life's mission to destroy this degenerate civilization and restore the world to a condition where men like you don't grow up this way and don't have to suffer so much. Trying to return to a world in which a meaningful life is possible is currently the only possible meaningful life.

>>21747108
idk, old money families perhaps? you dont need to be a patrician to write, anyone can do so, you just need something to say. Writers had opportunity to live and to write, much like we do today. I guess the first writers were patricians, but due to technology now everyone can be a writer. just write

>>21747201
Literature has already been "AI-generated" (algorithmically generated from scraps of existing literature with no actual creativity involved) for a hundred years. Computerizing will only quantitatively and not qualitatively augment what is already happening. People without well-formed souls are already glorified algorithms.

What is the difference between retards in the media industries homogenizing all media between 1970-2020 and a computer doing it? It's just going to make a tendency that is already destroying humanity more efficient and rapid.

I got a new phone and it doesn't even have a headphone jack so I had to get a usb to headphone adapter just to listen to music and it doesn't work.
This is so fucking retarded.
Why would they take away the headphone jack
I'm so sick of this faggotry

>>21747266
Kek, same. It's bloody stupid, really. Maybe it would be nice to hear their reasoning - whether the slot is too big to put in the phone's chassis, or it gets clogged up easily and they decided it's better to get rid of it.
Anyway, good thing my headphones have a bluetooth mode.

>>21743346
>“The last time I taught ‘The Scarlet Letter,’ I discovered that my students were really struggling to understand the sentences as sentences—like, having trouble identifying the subject and the verb,” she said. “Their capacities are different, and the nineteenth >century is a long time ago.”
Are young people today stupider? Or where people always this dumb?
I struggle to imagine how anyone could struggle with a simple book like Scarlet Letter.

>>21747266
Something that bothers me: things like this have gotten so much worse, but technology is so much more ubiquitous now that everybody is used to it, so when I try to explain to my mom how stupid it is that her iPhone is literally designed to rip her off by forcing her to buy overpriced Apple accessories that break or start doing weird shit within a month anyway, she doesn't feel inclined to listen to me, she just registers it as guy ranting about thing

Ten or fifteen years ago if you were that one guy who knew electronics and knew how phones worked, people would listen to you a bit more. Now everyone is so used to electronics and computers being "mushy" and doing weird shit constantly, everyone is so used to buying three different things for one function because all three of them act weird in different ways, they don't see these things as things that COULD be good, and that are thus open to criticism. Now if you complain about how unimaginably horrific it is that the recent Windows releases or browsers are basically botnets or that whole essential features have been removed for no reason, people see you the way they would see a guy complaining that the fountain soda at one McDonalds is less crisp than at another McDonalds. They might listen to you out of sympathy but they don't really care and they think you're eccentric for noticing instead of just buying another soda elsewhere. I emailed Stallman once asking him if he wanted to start a millenarian cult but he replied with something obtuse.

>>21747349
>I emailed Stallman once asking him if he wanted to start a millenarian cult but he replied with something obtuse
audibly kek'd

>>21743346
Todays fortune cookie said “you will find happiness in mind and heart.” That can be read as saying I will find love and tranquility within myself and I should not rely on others. There is more to life than physical love and you do not need that to live a fulfilling life. I proudly wear the term “incel” like a badge of honor. That is strange to say but coming to terms with ones inceldom is the first step to fulfillment.

>>21743346
I used to think IQ was the only way I'd be able to determine my happiness, to find which slot I fit in within society, because I'm so lost and sad. But now that I've regained happiness by having my own freedom and getting out of a dead end degree, while writing what I want, none of pic related matters to me. Millions must TRY.

I once went to a monastery and one of the monks kept shilling me Jordan Peterson while one of the nuns was complaining he's too sexist.

>>21744753
Patrician taste

>>21747266
lmao ive been using bluetooth headphones for like 5 years i had completely forgotten headphone jacks were a thing

>>21747113
in my state, all public university salaries are public information by law including mine to my perpetual embarrassment. the tenured profs seem to max out around 120k give or take which is like starting salary at faang companies.

My shit has been very loose and liquidy lately and it's concerning me. Recently it was solid as a rock. My diet hasnt really changed. Not sure whats causing this

ChatGPT sucks at writing. It’s fine for outlining. Great for the girls you meet where there’s a massive language barrier. How this thing is going to take writing from us I’ll never know though.

>>21747657
by improving

>>21747657
Chatgpt talks in circles. I was trying to ask the connection between culture and cognition but it kept repeating the same exact canned line

>>21747188
I don’t think girls or a lack of girls is a good reason to be so miserable.

>>21747230
Yeah, but that has nothing to do with what I’m saying

>>21747699
It has much more correct information and great formatting but as a "thinking" simulation it is genuinely dumber than 2000s Cleverbot.

>>21747724
Me and cleverbot used to have steamy sex roleplays

the four political actors of late modernity

managerial state
>evil, no faith in any transcendent good
>purely interested in maintaining/expanding its accidentally gotten control over other humans
>presiding over ugly, evil world no one sane would want to be part of
>thus continuously creates/spreads propaganda to convince people to be insane, to accept bad things as good and reject good things as bad

women
>naive, fundamentally content in whatever regime they might live under
>purely interested in maintaining status quo because change is always dangerous (may lead to chaos and war, which lead to rape and loss of accustomed lifestyle)
>highly trusting of all authority structures (all authority=paternal power) no matter what, especially trusting of authority structures in times when their actual biological fathers are weak/feminized
>thus highly susceptible to propaganda from managerial state that is presented as (a) authoritative (emanating from existing power structures) and (b) socially "normal" (status quo=default=not believing in this will constitute "rocking the boat")
>very easily bribed with minor increases in prosperity, even silly and ephemeral - will always trade fundamental human rights (and trade others' rights way) for a silly salad bar at the office

"miscellaneous" *(depoliticized, deracinated, dysgenic people like immigrants and flyover fentanyl zombies)
>effectively unconscious, content with whatever regime they live under because just wants to live another day to buy another subway sandwich or fix of fentanyl
>no real "worldview," no "odd" thoughts, consciousness is simply a stream of animal desires + the bare minimum knowledge about reality needed to enable desires
>thus very easily bribed, like women
>highly susceptible to propaganda because state-mandated reality is as "real" as the fact that the garbage truck comes on tuesdays

you
>anyone who doesn't fit into the above groups
>probably 5% of the population at most
>#1 enemy of the managerial state: only possible threat to it
>#1 enemy of women, propagandized by state to hate everything different from their positions of contentment (which women already do)
>#? enemy of "miscellaneous" people, highly effectively propagandized by state to hate anyone who rocks the boat and imperils subway sandwich, only moderately effectively propagandized by state to hate "extremists" (anyone who criticizes anything or wants to change anything in any way); fundamentally too lazy to really pay much attention to "the white nationalist peril!" etc., to the mild chagrin of the state

Does anyone else talk themselves out of having fun? Like almost all the time?

I don't know what this is, maybe just modern disenchantment or getting old. Whenever I start to get seriously interested in anything, a new hobby or whatever I start to talk myself out of it. Or I convince myself it's a stupid idea or childish desire, sort of in this nihilistic/materialistic way of viewing life. It's really fucking up my motivation to pursue anything or take anything seriously

The weather is dreary today, cold and cloudy, so i figured Id get a nice coffee and smoke a cigarette. Went to a cafe so I could pretend to read while I drink and smoke. Ordered what I like: hot, black coffee. The coffee is lukewarm and watery. I'm so pissed off. Starbucks Pike coffee is better than this and cheaper. Stupid hipster cafe, cant make anything that isnt a oatmilk horchata with a shot of espressi and some turneric sprinkled in. Fuck this shit, I'm pissed.

>>21747778
Thats a (You) problem. Probably from some kind of anxiety issue, but desu I cant read your mind. Just stop being a fag.

I keep rejecting girls. I don't find the girls interested in me attractive desu.
It's only fair that I also keep getting rejected by girls I'm interested in.
Wonder how much I'll regret this once I'm 40 and single.

>>21747907
No, you just replied with your own problem of misunderstanding what I wrote. Not your therapist buddy

>>21747939
Okay, enjoy your void

>>21747868
I love dreary weather. It's aesthetic is so atmospheric.

Where do people hang out? Mostly young adults, i guess. I go out of the house and explore around and cant ever find anybody. I went downtown today and it was totally empty. I go into the city, and theres nothing going on. I go to cafes, bars, resutrants. I go parks and hiking trails. I'm always looking around and everything is always dead. Which is especially odd because I live in a major metropolitan area. What the fuck do people do all day?

>>21747778
You sound like a fucking obnoxious coward, no offense. Fucking obfuscating intellectualizing retard.

>>21747935
Stop. One of those girls could easily make a great partner and you happy reject.

>>21747657
I have bing, if you want to give me a prompt I will run it. It's slightly better, but they are nerfing it by the day.
Anyway, Llama was leaked the other day, so it's only a matter of a week or two before all the GPT belong to us.

>>21747979
>live in a major metropolitan area. What the fuck do people do all day?
Probably work and commuting home

>>21747982
>you happy reject
What's that? Also, why should I start a relationship with a girl I don't find attractive?

>>21748021
On a Sunday afternoon?

The more money I have the more useless I see it even with proportionally high spending. Having over 300M, I felt nothing making a 60M purchase.

>>21748034
are you trying to brag about having 300 million dollars

>>21743346
This place is cozy. Comfort, as every other positive sensation, is there because the associated activity is necessary to proper being and the species survival.

I struggle with my relationship with comfort. The incessant tasks that follow my every day compound as I escape to comfort only to backfire later. The prolonged periods of stess that follow are void of rest as there is always something I could be doing.
What inevitably ensues is a vicious cicle where I either slyly indulge in comfory to an unnecessary amount, only to be denied that right later.
So thats the purpose of a routine it seems like. To allow oneself to rest.

>>21748027
learn to play an instrument, or to tell a few jokes, then go to an open mic.

This is a new audio project of mine. The idea is to take classic poems and bring them to life with cinematic sound design. All feedback is appreciated.

>Poetry in Stereo: Episode 1 - The Tyger by William Blake

https://soundcloud.com/kellercreations/poetry-in-stereo-episode-1-the-tyger-by-william-blake

When you take a step back, this place is one of the cringiest on the internet. Sometimes I wonder what anons look like and how they act in real life

>>21748068
I'm talking about RuneScape. Is this not /osg/?

>>21743346
I need to get a hold on my life. Fuck, brother, when will the struggle end? I've read college posts from above and it made me laugh because this is my exact situation. Seems like anxiety has been winning every single day and people still look down at me saying school is easy and whatnot.

>>21743346
i desire purpose

>>21748125
you already have it and you know you do

Good video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXZHS6Zz9cQ

you ever think about how all different ages use 4chan and when you post heinous racism you are really passing on your hatefulness to some 20 year old college kid who is just entering the world and might otherwise be a much more optimistic person, if you didn't steep him in your hate every day?

>>21747982
And you sound like a hysteric, so good job at making us both look bad

>>21748281
The racism used to be for humorous reasons and to not take the internet and life so seriously. Now it’s dead serious. I doubt a newfag finds his way here if he isn’t already hateful

>>21748281
i usually assume the seething racist guys are some 20 year olds who lived their entire life in some suburb in florida or whatever.

>>21748291
>>21748304
you ruined my joke, i was hoping a racist would reply "fuck you racism is awesome" so i could reply that i meant it in a positive way and we are saving that 20 year old from becoming a naive faggot

>>21743346
>Sometimes hide in the backyard just to get some alone time
>Wife freaks out when she doesn't know where I am and starts cling out looking for me.
>Get self conscious that neighbors can hear
>So afriad to hide anymore cos it's embarrassing that neighbors can hear her looking for me

How do i get alone time?

>>21748358
Just tell her you want some alone time and set up a super cool hangout spot in the yard. Be sure ro put up a sign that says "no girls allowed" and shoot her with a red ryder if she tries to trespass

>>21748104
They're just pretending, everything in life is about appearances and making yourself look good

The real redpill: All is vanity. You could be dying of some deadly disease and people will still be offended if you don't give off the right appearance while doing it

>>21748281
If the kids are as online as they say they are these days, most youth would have seen their first racist meme at 11, right next to their first porno. It can’t be helped.

>>21748371
She's become very controlling ever since I lost my job during the initial lockdowns. She doesn't even want me to get a job. Just to stay home with her while she WFH.

She even didn't like me going to the gym anymore so she bought me all the equipment I needed. My days are literally just working out then laying in bed waiting for her to want sex/attention then when she goes back to work I just listen to YouTube. Or make her/us food

>>21748392
And take for example, this guy right here:
>>21748358
His post contained nothing valuable or anything meaningful at all, he just wanted to make up some story about hiding from his wife in a shed. This is an anonymous forum yet people still need to make up stories and brag to strangers

you will live to see bad things happen to good people, and worse, good people doing bad things. these things can happen to anyone. even you. especially you. the fool will ask "how could this happen" or "why is this happening to me." sometimes there is no why. don't ask why. ask what is life trying to teach and move on. sometimes that's all you can do

>>21748404
You're her sex slave lmao.

>the rick and morty guy is being crucified over messages to a 16 year old girl
16 is legal in tons of states or was until recently, the fuck? Who even cares?

>>21748445
Most people unironically have nothing better to do

>>21745982
Your mom

>>21746045
When redditors used it in place of “faggot” because they think being mean to homosexuals is wrong but it’s okay to make fun of the disabled

>>21748404
she needs to seek help

>>21747979
They’re online. Tech destroyed IRL.

My girlfriend is white and racist and it’s to the point that it’s annoying. She follows all these reactionary guys on twitter. She’s not some wignat or anything but is into that sphere. Even when I met her she was like this. And I’m brown. I literally don’t get the cognitive dissonance going on in her head. I just want to ignore politics and not hear about some gay shit Paglia or BAP said. She’d be perfect for you chuds

>>21748756
Every “racist” girl I’ve met ends up taking black dick at some point. Wonder what that’s about

>>21743346
Jerked off yesterday, and made the mistake of trying to take a hot shower immediately after.
Now a day later & I smell like ejaculate all over faintly, even after taking two more showers. Dear God.

Social isolation has been eating away at me for about a decadr now. I remember the first time i really got that strong feeling in my gut, that I want to go outside and do something. I was 15. I remember riding my bike around town, hopjng to run into someone. Of course, I didnt. So went back home, disappointed. That feeling of restlessness geew and was never satiated. And from there it turned into a suffocated feeling of being trapped, boxed in. Like I was clausterphobic even in a wide open space. Lunch was a nightmare. I'd find some corner of the school to hide in. I remember being 17 and that feeling turning into this extreme frustration and anger. I would get so angry that I would just scream. While I was 18/19 I basically went schizo. I would stay in my room all day, curtains drawn, pissing into bottles. After a while I learned to cope. I became functional. I would go to school and work a part time job. I would always desperately daydream about a chance encounter where somehow I bump into someone who would become my best friend and show me the world. But at this point I was too broken. After high school I developed a stutter which I never had before. I also developed a very strong social anxiety. I thought I'd take some agency and approach people. I caught a girls eye and talked to her after class. She literally ran away from me.
Then the pandemic happened. Those 3 years cemented my solitary lifestyle into place. I still get that restless feeling, but about a year and a half ago I decided that I would never have meaningful relationships and decided to just do everything alone. And now thats what I do. I go to museums alone, resturants alone, movies alone, festivals alone, bars alone. I do all the things most people do in pairs or groups but alone. Its nice to be out and traveling and exploring. It somewhat eases that clausterphobic feeling. But it just feels like a knock off lifestyle. And I get very melancholy seeing people in groups. I'm doing the best I can, but it doesnt matter. My best will never be enougj and I will never be normal.

>>21748760
>Every “racist” girl I’ve met ends up taking black dick at some point
The more you hate something, the more sexually attractive it becomes since it's forbidden.
Simple as.

>>21748763
Yeah. I think it’s the taboo thing too

>>21748756
Are you the asian guy? Or someone else? Amd wtf, since when were women into reactionary e-politics? How has the world changed this much?

>>21748763
That doesnt make any sense. I hate bicyclists but I dont have some weird bike fetish. Being attracted to the "forbidden" thing isnt some unviersal rule

>>21748760
IME it’s girls with racist dads

>>21748766
No. Plenty of e-girls lkke reactionary politics. But again they’re women and don’t actually care, it’s a skin for them to look cool. I say this as I love my gf as a person. She kinda fell down the reactionary rabbit hole from being a republican. She ain’t racist racist really but her constant e-celeb drama is so annoying, I don’t give a single fuck about all these twitter faggots holy shit. I’m literally a brown person who grew up muslim.

>>21748783
Where do i find a very online raicst e girl?

>>21748790
You don’t want one retard. You want a normal sweet girl with vague center left politics and you should be the radical. You don’t want a ‘based’ girl, you want a good feminine girl. Who cares what women think.

>>21748011
Shut up! This was supposed to be a love story. Instead you made it a horror novel.

>>21748772
>Being attracted to the "forbidden" thing isnt some unviersal rule
The attraction to the forbidden seems pretty universal to me. Wanting what you can't have, what is base or perverse, automatically makes it 100x more sexually attractive.
You may hate bicyclists, but that's an everyday dislike, bicyclists aren't forbidden or taboo they are everyday.

>>21748798
Sex is also different for girls as it’s something done to them. You’ll see a lot of strange forms of self hatred in women’s kinks

>>21748794
At this point, I'm desperate enough for any girl. Except for a fat one. I will never settle for a fat girl

>>21748802
Where do I get a self hatred kink girl?

You know what, where the fuck do I meet girls at all?

>>21748806
The reactionary e-whore im dating has a kink for being used. Like I fuck her and she’s like ‘use me daddy’ and stuff. I also hit her during sex on the face (not hard, in the kink way), call her a slut, bitch, etc. She also says she’ll do anything for me and she’s my slut etc. She got coombrain

>>21748094
>be me
>ride bike to convenience mart
>qt right behind me
>buy cigs
>wait outside for qt to buy whatever
>ask advice on where to bike to
>she points a direction she’s walking
>bike off the opposite direction

>>21748813
>coombrain
Isnt that just normal sex stuff

>>21745862
A child says to you: "I like cars!"

>>21748811
I just go outside and alternate between staring at me, smiling at me, trying very hard to pretend I don't exist or freezing up in absolute terror.

>>21748094
dude it really is.

>>21743346

I am looking for a new job and I keep getting rejected. Can someone link a resume template that works? I do not even get to the interview stage, so my resume is obviously garbage. I already have a job so I am not desperate for any employment. I just want more money.

>>21748760
Weird fantasy and even more weirdly specific. Most racist girls I know are far more racist than terminally online racist men because they are just plain racist, not doing it for edginess.

>>21748844
my friend at work said she used chatgpt to make her resume and cover letters. she hasn't gotten a new job yet so it's probably not working. your actual problem is that the economy is cooling off due to the rising interest rates.

>>21743346
I have anhedonia. It does not even occur to me to have fun. After work, I just go home and eat food on my couch. I do not feel joy like other people, but I am not a pessimist or anything, I am filled with love. Its just, standard ways of having fun just does not appeal to me. I disassociate at parties, vacations etc. It is never fun for me, it just feels like a task I need to finish.

>>21748850
I plan on quitting my job in July, so I am hoping to have moved on by then. Fuck, I hate the timing and glacier pace of my life.

>>21745858
What do you look for in a woman? Do you live in America? Maybe, I could help you.

>>21743346
I envy the average sperg. I'm something inbetween a normie and a sperg, with neither of their virtues. Not autistic enough to be happy in my own lane hyper-fixating--since I'm too aware of how others perceive me--but not normal enough to fit in.
My roommate was autistic, and while he had his issues, he lived like a child--collecting toys and playing racing videogames.
I wish I could be happy like that, happy being a perpetual child.
I'm not sure if I'm autistic or just weird, but I have always been a loner and struggle to make friends. More accurately, I don't just struggle but have never in my life made friends outside of middle school. I'm painfully self-conscious, and there's nothing more painful than realizing in the eyes of others I'm at the same level as my roommate.
Others look at me as amusing, but ridiculous, pet. I can see it in their eyes. That slight smile, not one of respect, but of mild bemusement.
Giving a courteous remark, and then flashing that little smerk which seems to say "you are less than me. You are merely an amusingly eccentric and harmless sight".
I know I'm seen as ridiculous. It's horrible to be ridiculous, and even worse to realize they believe you are too stupid to notice.

>>21748404
That's hot

>>21744144
fr fr

I cracked on my eggshell that was pouching a kid. An egg handed on its skin by which metal inside pans that fry blocked cold from coming by, thus mouthfood forked found.

I curled my teeth and fisted a chomp that yellow banana engulfing.

Americans are either Californians or Ohioans. None other.

>>21748958
I'm from Minnesota. Guess what's in Minnesota. Guess.

>>21748961
you guys sure fucked over Calgary last night

>>21748980
I don't watch sports.

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>>21748760
Literally all women will fuck a nigger at some point because women always obey authority (=media)