/lit/ - Literature

SsplitT Sstream mMasseusEe: A Massacre In 8 Parts

>>2050365
A victorian London pimp called Blue from the East End is actually a loveable person and the story follows him and shows how he was not a bad man and that his women on the docks may have been whores, but they were classy, and he had nothing but the upmost respect for them. He also reads to orphans.

>>2050371
A knife fight breaks out at the student uni bar and a dwarf gets hit in the face with a bottle and writes a poem about what he would have done in retrospect.

My title:
>Dive bar junkies and greasers.

>>2050365

An elvis presley impersonater who works at a hydroelectric dam quits his job and travels the coastline in search of love.

>>2050371

A masseuse is massaging someones back and feels something weird under the skin that cannot be explained. The man who she msassaged is never seen again, but she suddenly starts transforming in a akira-eskque fashion and uncontrollably turns into a monster of blob like proportions.

The Day The World Was Taken Over By Aliens

>>2050384

Your title is too dumb.

If I was going to come up with something it would just be a cross between The Outsiders and Junky.

>>2050389

A book where everything you can possibly think of happens, except for the world being taken over by aliens, aliens are not featured in the plotline at all.

[spolier] your title fucking sucks [/spoiler]

Into Exile on Junior Downs

>>2050390
>Implying dum titles aren't best titles.

>>2050389
A lonely orphan befriends a dying kitten, which teaches her all about friendship and how to be accepting of others. Then Mexican people eat her.

>>2050398
A father is banished from his home for sleeping with his son's gorgeous friend, Junior Downs. Not long after, Downs vanishes and the father is made a prime suspect in his disappearance. Only its not just Downs whose vanished, but every trace of His existence, including his family and home. Leaving the father to suffer the onslaught of inquiries and escalating threats to get to the bottom of this. What's worse, the father is being frequented by animals faintly muttering and dancing to the tune of a hymn Downs was known to hum to himself. So, big mystery. Yada yada, turns out Downs is an otherworldly apparition sent to set this particular village ablaze in his wake and make our father an example to other villages across the world. The father murders his own son. Won't say why. Neither will I.


Early Morning Ghosts.

>>2050508
A man wakes up in the morning hearing strange noises. This happens every night for three years until one day he gets up at 3 A.M. and goes outside. He sees the ghost of his dead grandfather, who tells him that the world is going to be conquered by an army of ghosts unless he can stop them using powers that only he possesses. Working together, the man and his grandfather's ghost work to stop the ghostly conquest of the world. But it turns out his grandfather had actually been using the man to forward the spectral agenda all along and the book ends with the ghosts pouring out of a sacred gem and conquering the world. The sequel is called Mid-Day Specters.

King of All Dongs.

The R'naini

>>2050564
The first act follows the early years of the legendary warrior and tribesman Muente as he conquers and subjugates the flatlands of the north with his fellow tribesmen: The Dong, as told by a mother to her son.

The second act focuses on Muente's rule as leader of the nine great tribes, and how he has become bored of the petty squabbling and boring diplomacy that has been thrust upon him. Muente becomes more disruptive and belligerent until he is finally cast out from the tribe during a vicious coup.

The third act follows Muente's trek through the wastelands of the south, accompanied only by his youngest wife and their son. Muente hears of a relic in one of the great temples of the marsh, and ventures forth determined to access this great power and claim back his throne.

>>2050574
oh and my title for the next guy is:

Tomorrow's Son

>>2050575
A man from the future comes back in time to warn of an impending apocalypse. He is not sure how the world ended, only that it was in a burst of flame. He tells the leaders of the world about this and something is done to prevent the apocalypse, but that action causes it and the him in the new timeline goes back. The story repeats itself.

>>2050564
A lowly monk, Saléro, in an isolated christian monastary is temporarily promoted to head bell-ringer after the old one falls from the bell tower one morning and dies. As he comes to terms with his new responisibilities, he gets a taste of privlage - Extra sevings at meal time, face time with the abbot - as he slowly rises the monastaries' intricate heirarchy. The luxuries are short lived, however, as a professonal bell-ringer is flown in from The Vatican.
Embittered by the hastiness of his ousting and hungry for power, Saléro plots a one-man coup d'etat.
Suddenly, bells go missing from all over the monastary. The church, clocks, everything - even the tower bell. All gone, with only the same cryptic blood red grafiti marking their absemce - signed by the King Of All Dongs.

>>2050575
>Tomorrow's Son

A dystopian story about people now choosing what attributes their child has. Unfortunaltely only the rich can do this, and they form a new elite of tall, white skinned intellectuals. The masses still breed like normal. The story surrounds one of the "new sons" becoming disillusioned within his academy of similar children, and falls in love with a prole girl, who turns out to be an early example of the designer baby, but was discarded as she expressed compassion and solidarity, which is thought of as a weakness in the new society. They fall in love, and he is threatened with expulsion due to being caught with her. He chooses to be poor and eventually witnesses the lower classes being sterilized ect, but she falls pregnant and escapes from the Genetics Police. The cliffhanger is who will be "tomorrow's baby" ??, the child she gives birth to

>>2050586
also my title is

>Coupon Collectors Unite

The Guy Who Said "There's No Such Thing as a Friend Zone"

>>2050590
A man rapes his best friend and loses her friendship. He is then put in prison for the rest of his life.

>>2050590
Yo man the dude before you earned his turn

>>2050588
In 1960's USA, a product called Etna Wash has a coupon placed on its box, as do many products. One day Clarke, a middle-aged man caring for his bed-bound mother in her new york apartment, overhears a mother in the local grocery store comment that "lets check what this brand is offering, ive never tried it before". The coupon, on the Etna Wash box says "Are you heading into the Wind? 10% of Horley's clothes pegs when you spend $12 or more this month only". On the news later that month he finds out Chicago (windy city) has been attacked. The president blames the Russians, and eventually the protagonist finds out that various brands are owned by one corporation with close ties to the government, and they are all releasing odd coupons and adverts. He eventually links what he thinks they are saying to disasterous events. He comes home one day to find his mother has been disconnected from her machine that keeps her heart beating. He remembers her saying she wanted to die but refused to kill her, but still believes the government have found his secret and killed her. He eventaully breaks down and the police find KILL MOTHER, KILL MOTHER highlighted and written in notebooks

Kind of like Oedipus in reverse

Title:
From War Elephants to Warheads

>>2050617
A history book about big weapons of war with illustraions for children and fold out pictures

Title: Horizon's Escalator

>>2050623
It's 2099. Organized religion in the USA has all but died away. Now, due to depression levels, children are prescribed anti-depressants at a young age and the National Happiness Aggregate is the main topic between western countries, no longer focusing on economic competition. A wave of new age cults, offering their prophecy for the coming age attract millions of worshippers. When the day comes, the protagonist, a teenager whose parents live on the compound of Horizon's Escalator, a cult thinking the year 2100 will begin with all those following its dogma will rise to a spiritual heaven, runs out to the woods as his dog has run loose. He returns to find everybody has committed suicide via Kool Aid. He walks through the compound and the dead bodies, and finally to the next town. Unfortunately they know he is from a rvial cult, and this cult believe in the purity of mental association, whereby the 'brainwaves' of those outside their group are believed to be dangerous, therefore they chase him. He eventually returns to his home, refuses to take anti-depressants and reads in an articles on the newspaper he has placed over his fathers face about the "Rationalist Community" in Alaska, where an aged scientist Dr Woodwind has started his own government, and scientists ans authors have flocked there, but have been met with armed resistance by the Government Agency named the Bureau of Alternative Association, which punishes any group which bases its beliefs on books which arent self-help, pseudo-spiritual. The protagonist makes it there eventually, rescuing a girl who says her parents are taking her to "the barn" that night with a few cult members for their final exam. In the new world he finds belief without any spirituality can work without anti-depressants

Title: Camp Brony

>>2050714
Narrative of a dejected, lonely, and possibly autistic man in his mid-to-late twenties who, since he has no friends, watches a children's cartoon extolling the values of friendship. His mental state gradually worsens, and the line between reality and bronillusion blurs until he finally imagines himself inside the world of the television show to which he has become addicted.

Donut Hoppers 3: Big Dicks in Vegas

>>2050840
-MOVIE MODE-

Three years after a botched heist of a Pharmaceutical plant. Tom, Dick and Harry are out of prison and find themselves in a rundown flat on the East side of Boston. Their love of the heist has led them to discover of a massive drug shipment in the wake of Whitey Buglers arrest. They have only 2367 miles between the trip's end and their own.

This summer.
Donut Hoppers 3: Big Dicks in Vegas

The Year I Was Molested: Book 3 - Homework Help.

The Devil's Handshake

>>2051099
Could one man do it? Was it possible? These were the thoughts that darted about in Noah's head. He thought he had it all correct, every calculation triple checked and verified, no outliers, not foriegn entities, everything was just as it was support to be. Perfect. And it was and was not all at the same time. But there it stood before him in bottle no larger then a soda can. He had made it. He created liquid chaos. It was beautiful.

Tomorrow, All Of Your Dreams Will Flail About Like Molested Cattle In A Blissless Sahara: The Confession

Tomorrow, All Of Your Dreams Will Flail About Like Molested Cattle In A Blissless Sahara: The Confessions of A Cloud Drunk Drifter With Infinite Youth's Abandoned Child

>>2052396
A mother of three becomes mother of none after a terrible pool accident. She decides to rediscover herself and go on a life changing journey. Her train crashes and she dies.

Next title:
Dreamless Cowboys in Tents of Compassion

>>2052423
Brokeback Mountain, but twice as gay, essentially.

Title: Forced Love Forced Hate

>>2052424
A Nazi concentration camp prison guard's life spirals out of control when he falls madly and uncontrollably in love with a beautiful young Jewess recently brought in for forced labor and eventual extermination.

>>2052429
Jack kills Jack kills Jack

>>2052433
One confusing ass murder mystery?

>>2052434
Next: Next

i'm so meta

>>2052439
A collection of short stories of the underground youth in NYC.

Title: Dog Eats 9 in The Past Tense

>>2052451
>>2052451

Two men design a plan to murder a girl who had previously duped them romantically - the book would be broken up essentially into 2 parts: the first would be their back and forth of how the plan would work and actually putting it into action, while the 2nd part would deal with how they deal with the body and repercussions.

One of them, in a bout of fear for somebody ever finding the corpse, eats the woman completely even after her flesh has rot in the Earth for weeks and dies.

The other buries his friend in the same spot she was originally buried and lives on.

Title: Ode Hysterically

>>2052486

Edgar Allen Poe struggles as he tries to be a satirical writer much like his idol Voltaire, only to fail miserably and live the rest of his life as a horror writer.

Title: Mr. Somebody

The Opheliac In Me(lol Emilie Autumn)

(sorry, I forgot to write a plot. I fail.)

A dude tries to become famous. His attemps aren't successful.

>reports from an imaginary war

Twilight 7: The Escape.

Perpetual Penetration

>>2052858
a planet exists surrounded by a gigantic plastic sphere that acts a lot like a cell membrane. Previously the government only allowed certain ships bearing the right credentials in and out, but one man, a space pirate, has found the exact combination to have access into space. he escapes and comes back with untold riches. his arrival is closely monitered by the government, and they send one of their top assassins, a robot with no soul, to kill him. the protagonist realizes he must flee, and thus, commit penetration of the plastic atmosphere once again. what he doesn't know is that he has a highly contagious disease (chlamydia?) that he's unknowingly transferred unto his planet along with foreign cheeses.

my title:

Budweiser Revolt

Pick a title, any title!

1.) Down on the Dog Farm
2.) Sun-baked Souls
3.) Stone Pine House

>>2052877

A college drama showing a fantastical, twisted side of the numerous, notorious fraternities. It follows the story of Jeffrey Weiser; nicknamed Budweiser after the famous beer and his slow decline into depravity and madness as it becomes clear that his mental issues make him very unsuitable for college life.

my title:
The Medean theory

>>2052451
>Dog Eats 9 in The Past Tense

A zoomusicologist with perfect pitch and an unhealthy dose of paranoia has lived in Baltimore his entire life. Baltimore - and the rest of the nation - is rocked by a horrific scene. The city's most notorious gang consisted of the "Nine Nyugguhz", the worst of America's underclass - and now dead, devoured alive by a horde of feral dogs. The scientist inevitably discovers the new communication employed by the local dogs, a series of canine sounds that produce a disturbing sort of melody. It's being coordinated all voer the place by a massive hound that would make Cujo shit himself to death with terror. Can the scientist put an end to this indecipherable threat?

Bump for butt ticks

>>2052895
A compact and paranoid piece on an NSA low level who might have stumbled on a presidential assassination plot of a particular grotesque quality. An encrypted e-mail interchange traced to a netbook somewhere on the caucasian hinterland suggests that this conspiracy is being orchestrated by the president's mom. Obsession over this Medean weirdness, pathological mistrust and subtly unreliable narration follow.

'Dogging in times of Abercrombie' by Moses Dongheim

Cosmic Superbeast.

>>2052959

A retarded guy living in a convalescent home lives out a series of dreams where he's the Cosmic Superbeast.

Nigger

>>2052964
Nonfiction on the humour level of 4chan

Dicks; or balls

The Iron Flowers

>>2053060
> The Iron Flowers
A tale of forbidden lesbian love between two women on opposite sides of the iron curtain set right in the middle of the cold war.


Bring Me the Eye of Lt. Montoya

>>2052941
> bump for butt ticks

A surreal mystery laced with pitch black humor set during the late 80's about cocaine, strippers, and a veterinarian who becomes a vigilante after his sister is brutally raped and murdered in the alley next to city hall.

Bring Me the Eye of Lt. Montoya

Erotic fanfic based on the search for the little-known metaphor for urethra, 'the Eye of Lt. Montoya', in a Parisian crack den

Bring Me the Eye of Lt. Montoya

Erotic fanfic based on the search for the little-known metaphor for urethra, 'the Eye of Lt. Montoya', in a Parisian crack den

Oliver Piss't

cheesewrappings on a torso.

>>2053097
>A lonely headmaster one night gets a young Oliver Twist drunk to the point of passing out. He then molests the sleeping boy. The story alternates POVs between the Oliver - who suspects nothing - and the headmaster - whose guilt slowly eats into him.

4chan Off The Wall

>>2053120
:D

>>2053120
Sounds like Joyce.
>4chan off the wall
A retarded /b/tard listens to Pink Floyd's seminal The Wall album in reverse, and thinks he hears the word '4chan' repeated over and over. He then sets out to kidnap Roger Waters' family and hold them to ransom, the ransom being removing 4chan from The Wall by gnawing off the underside of all vinyl versions.

Sounds Like Joyce

>>2053066

>>2053240
>>2053240


>>sounds like joyce

lit proffesors divorce and descent into alchoholism, he moves into a crappy downtown apartment after his wife kicks him out. narrative is interpolated , pale fire style, language poems, it is unclear to both him and the reader,wiether his neighbor is a fellow joyce scholler reciteing finagins wake, or wiether the wall muffles the drunken arguments comeing through the wall.

THE RED MACABA

>News From The Paradise

>>2053634
A young girl in the Victorian Era eats a red flower while walking through an empty field that transforms into a monstrous, red beast, destroying her town and consuming any walking flesh. This obvious metaphor will be layered with Dickens-like anaphoras and parallelisms into an award-winning book for the century.

>Carraway and Gatsby

>One score and fade
>30 days of rhapsody

>The Curious Adventures of Jeremy Postlethwaite, Gentleman Prostitute

>>2054345
I've got something involving an ungainly Northern lad, a sort of sexual bildungsroman. He doesn't get any nookie so he ends up becoming a graphic's designer, you know the sort, bald and bespectacled. On contract with an erotic ware's company, he designs this ultimate dildo that is ridiculously pleasurable and puts it into production off his own back. Along the way, he develops a sort of magical connection to the orgasms he is indirectly responsible for, think that sort of weird Being John Malkovitch pespectivism. This instigates several weird episodes that plumb the sexual, political and consumerist mores all this narrative sort of begs, all the while him developing into a sort of alpha guy that recognizes himself as this sort of vicarious male proustitute. Think anything shallow and contempory along Palahniuck lines.

>mfw this might be quite fun to write some day.

>>2054345
A recently unemployed wall street Tycoon slumps in tatters after the 1929 stock market collapse.
After much despair he receives a drunken vision to become a male prostitute -gathering fame and international publicity for it due to his past notoriety in the business world. Therefore shattering the discrimination around males in the sex trade and opening the flood-gates for male prostution all over the expanses of America.

Will become a must read for all gay men.

>>2054367
>>2054367
>>2054360
>>2054360

Post titles, you two!

>>2054370
Ohkay, after way too much thought:

>Half-Wolf, Half-Bear, All American Actuary

and

>The time you were working at Hollisters and you conducted a small but hardcore orgy in the stock room late at night, while high, and didn't regret it because the security team didn't inspect the CCTV footage sufficiently and you were only left with a little reaction room for guilt that you honestly didn't feel like countenancing: An instantiation.

The less literal, the better...

>>2054376
mfw no-one responds to me over-bearingly ironic faux titles.

The Behemoth and the Leviathan.

>>2055121
The world's fattest man gets his speedo bitten off by the legendary Fijian Prankster Shark - a fifty-foot shark that's fond of fucking with people. The world's fattest man decides to get that speedo back at all costs.

Title:
Moebius Greenhouse

>>2055137
A high concept sci-fi thriller in which a gardener grows marrow in the dimensional space that would occur if you took the standard three dimensions and made them into a moebius strip.

>>2055137
A sonic the hedgehog fanfiction where sonic and his new best friend, Martin Stewart, get together and plant cauliflowers and cantaloupes. Robotnik thinks the greenhouse is magical and tries to steal it for evil but he's outsmarted by Stewart who is a natural genius. In the end you find out the vegetables grew well because of the power of friendship and the greenhouse wasn't magical after all.

>>2054376
>>2054376

>The time you were working at Hollisters and you conducted a small but hardcore orgy in the stock room late at night, while high, and didn't regret it because the security team didn't inspect the CCTV footage sufficiently and you were only left with a little reaction room for guilt that you honestly didn't feel like countenancing: An instantiation.

In 1870 Russia, a woman kills her husband after a long bout of abuse.

The woman is left to raise a child in his name all alone and poor - shortly after the child is born, she dies and the child makes it way into the care of an elderly gentlemen who raises the child to believe he can travel through time (the old man is senile.)

When the child reaches his 20th birthday, he jumps off a cliff to complete the process of time travel as explained by his caretaker - upon hitting the ground, the boy wakes in a car parked in front of a Hollisters.

A bomb is strapped to his chest with the writing "time travel" scribbled on a sticky note attached to it.

He has 30 hours to live and nowhere to go - so he decides an orgy is needed.


Title: Yeast

The Very Depressed Rat

>>2055161
Giorgio suffers from a really weird disease, which unables him to communicate with other people, but allows him to talk with rats. Eventually, he starts feeling less like a human and more like a rat.

Corn Flakes and Semen

>>2055159
Yeast

A fifteen year old girl struggles with puberty, boys, existentialism and a very strong yeast infection.

>>2055159
A community of fungal cells that inhabits the space between a prostitute's two big toes of her right foot is the subject of complex socio-political examination. The story arc takes place from the humble beginnings of the yeast growth until the moment when this lady of somewhat disreputable means forks out for an antibiotic remedy.

There are 543,768 characters all denoted by a number and a mutation class; i.e. Yeast Cell First stage #132, or YC1#132. Popular characters include YC1#0 the patriarch of the community and a generally noble soul, YC2#5470 a cell known for his endearingly roguish behaviour and YC33#543,767 the last cell alive and a sort of philosophical figure in the peace who finishes the piece by meditating on the aleatory aspects of microbiological existence.

Because of the asexual character of the yeast's cell's biology, along with the 4,000 page and something length of the novel, this may be one of the most boring books ever written.

>>2055188
A sexually depraved Kelloggs employee does a series of unpleasant things to his peers and aquiantances, ending in a brutal rape scene that reflects the arbitrary and somewhat specious juxtaposition of the title in all aspects.

Horn

>>2055159
>Yeast

A sequel to the critically-acclaimed novel Dough, Yeast tells the continued story of Doug D. Doughman from a new perspective: that of his asexual niece, Polly Ethyl, who becomes deeply attached to Doughman's neighbor, high-profile courtesan Sugar Baker, after a freak accident which leaves Sugar paralyzed from the waist down and Doughman's fiancee dead. Thrown together by these circumstances with emotions running high, the three characters emerge at the end of the novel living lives they had never expected.

The Guy Who Wanted to Wake Up Between Whales

>>2052894
>Sun-baked Souls

The Sun has reached its eight billionth birthday and is on the way to becoming a red giant. Most of the Earth's ocean has evaporated, leaving a chain of oases sunken in the last mountain range. Humanity never left Earth and went extinct due to sheer apathy, leaving the world to heal. Now the seer-spiders have read the portents. Now they wish to reach the stars.

>>2055254
Whoops, forgot a book title.

The Deepest Root

>>2055259
>The Deepest Root

Darla Mae Johnson is a rich southern debutante with a secret—her great great great grandmother was not only black. Darla Mae falls in love with Leroy, the black son of the family's black gardener, only to discover that they share more than just love—Darla Mae's great great great grandmother is Leroy's grandmother, too. How long can she keep sleeping with him before the shame forces her to confess her secret?

A Life Without Touch

>>2055270
>rich octoroon woman
>falling in love with a farm animal

try to keep these plausible.

>>2055270
also: This is what i mean by degenerate garbage/mindset, why do liberals feel the need to tell us of the virtues of race mixing with the lesser races CONSTANTLY, love doesn't even EXIST, it certainly isn't justification for pissing away your genetic heritage and ancestry.

Would you exist today if your ancestors thought, oh i'm in love with this monkey i better produce some unevolved homo erectus as a child, who will forever hate me for making him a mongrel!

>>2055285
A compulsive masturbator loses his hands in a threshing accident, then joins a cult of sexaholics who practice tantric masturbation using phantom limbs.

book title: The Racist Mixer

>>2055307

A soap-maker by trade spends his days fulfilling orders while pondering his slowly-dying business and steeping in his hatred of all that surrounds him. Eventually, his lonely life is consumed with a hatred of the rest of humanity which he sees as entirely different than him.

He is racist against every ethnicity, his own not exempt from his rage-induced delusions. He eventually commits suicide, unable to cope with his wrongful conclusions and faulty reasoning.

Next title: The Sheepherd's Dice

>>2055328
A desert planet drowning in sand. Stone-Age era technology, endless war. A shepherd and his family lead a nomadic existence struggle for survival in world where the environment is just as deadly as the blood-crazy barbarians who rove around in packs and turn to cannibalism when food runs scarce. His family is a family of six: him, his wife, and his four sons. Over the course of the book, he is forced to roll the dice handed down his father's bloodline to him, and make heart-rending decisions over who lives and who dies.

The final scene of the book is a desert tableau. His family are all dead. His livestock are slain. He falls to his knees in the driest part of the desert and laments for his loved ones. A dust storm is incoming, which will kill him without the tent that he would normally carry on the backs of his animals. He rolls the dice to make one last choice: death by sand, or by the bite of his blade?

>>2055371
whoops, that should just be *nomadic existence, no 'struggle for survival'.

title: The Weightless Passenger

>>2055378
A man plans and executes a daring plan to sneak onto a space shuttle headed for the Moon. Only once he is up there he comes to the realization that it is an unmanned craft that is in actuality on course to collide with an asteroid. The story chronicles his fascination and his coming to grips with unavoidable death.

Next title: He drew a Joker

>>2055412
Based on a true story, about an alcoholic closeted-homosexual artist commissioned to paint a portrait of American president Richard Nixon. The two become fast friends, bonding over their conservative points of view, but soon the artist finds himself wanting more out of the friendship... and to his surprise, Nixon just might feel the same way.

book title: Let Me Come Inside

>>2055415
American Pie-esque teen comedy revolving around College freshmen achieving their life-s dream of ejaculating in a woman without a condom. Hilarity ensues

Title: Jimmy The Exploder
>>2055412
Surprisingly good plot

The new America

>>2055545
Dieselpunk and Film-Noir escapades, with snarky teenage sidekick.

>Disregard Mortality, Acquire Omnipotence

We Fought the Ghosts

>>2055211
>Horn
Horn, this one has real potential.

An academic who specializes in the study of these surreal, probably fictional pre-Renaissance morality plays (I really don't have the literary background to be specific here, I know that everyman plays were pretty focussed on mortality but whatever) starts to grow a vestigial horn when he begins an affair with an immature male undergrad. A metafictional element develops into something obscene in tandem with the growth, a sort of hard and pestilential thing (that makes buttsecks for the guy pretty tough lol). Eventually, reflecting the brutal politics of the academic's sexual relationship, a relationship dynamic that approaches abusiveness on the part of the protagonist as the psychologically torment of the horn grows. In the end, he gradually comes to know that he is in fact being studied by some omnipotent creator with a provenance in 12th/13th/14th idgaf century morality, potentially a character in the plays he studies. A struggle follows between the protagonist and the creative deity that controls his world for that final human freedom, that of being able to take your life. The reader is left with a sickened feeling by all this intellectual mastabatory bullshit much like a standard reaction to a horn-like growth above a grown academics anus lol.

>>2057585
I don't think you know what a lot of them words you type actually mean. Also, you forgot to leave a title, dicknugget

>>2057518
Guy gets into a huge barfight with ghost, then they become drinking pals for life ala the shining.

>>2057518
>>2057518

> We Fought the Ghosts

A grandfather is left alone to tend to his son's home while he and his wife go on a small vacation with the 2 grandchildren (which only leads to their untimely death in a road collision on the way.)

The story would deal initially with the inner turmoil the house holds to the senior in his loneliness with it, but soon turns to a delve of interest behind going off to look for his child or simply assuming they'll return eventually.

After several weeks and no phone calls, the house has fallen to shambles now and the man, on the edge of death from able food, hopelessly goes out to locate his kin. As the journey goes on, the visions of imagining them dead rip away at his increasingly senile mind leading him on to continually deteriorate through-out the story.

Lost, out of it and helpless, the old man finds a place to rest shortly and dies thereafter, envisioning nothing but mirages of his family happy in the home and the past with his son.


Title: On A Morning Street

>>2057790
Specify which words, I'm interested (don't worry this is utterly inb4 me finding a dictionary definition hastily on the internet and then transcribing it here, I just need to kind of know the effect of how I speak sometimes. And also, if you take my word, which is worth nothing here, those are pretty entry level words).

Title: Praipist park: A Vagina Love Story.

>>2057822
>>2057822

> Praipist park: A Vagina Love Story.

The newest Tao Lin novel documenting a lesbian working in an amusement park. Using her powers within the park and coy attitude, she lures women into her grasp to rape and occasionally murder - the novel ends with her being fired for trying to have sex with a man in public in order to assess her own dominance over her sexuality.

>>2057822
Just noticed a massive omission in the Horn post, starting >eventually. Problem is, I can't remember what I was going to write.

Oh well. The whole thing won't make much sense without it or is at least a little disjointed, particularly the clunky last few sentences which didn't make sense anyway.

portraits of an obsession

>>2057848
>>2057848

> portraits of an obsession

An African-American gangster and his two friends become involved in the daily activity of a Jewish mother in order to see her routine before robbing her home - as the day nears, the reasoning behind their motives comes into greater question. They sympathize with her life, yet realize they need the money badly soon. In all the upcoming time to the high-point of the robbery, the main character begins to constantly think about the consequences of his actions in what they would do to the woman.

Eventually down to an emotional wreck about the situation of the woman after seeing her life's hardships, the robbery goes array in his doubt as he hesitates with the plan. In a quick resolution, to end his worry and her pain, the gangster murders the woman and takes nothing from the woman.

He goes to jail, pretending to speak with the woman for the rest of his days as if he wished he could know her before all this.

>>2057822
Sorry about the agressiveness. After I posted, I read your trip and realised you were one of the few unobnoxious tripfag. I like you, Caracalla. But yeah, the words are 'provenance' and 'vestigial' (the former is only incorrect because it wouldn't refer to a person/character, generally just to stuff)

>>2057854

The New Pre-history

>>2058030
'Provenance' was me hastily getting out of a knotty information to wellformed sentence transfer, when I should have really just utterly changed the form of the sentence.

Haven't you ever heard of a 'vestigial tail'? It's like the bone on your coccyx that was originally a tail back down the evolutionary chain or at least I think so.

>>2058952
anti sage

Cashmere in Kashmir

>>2059804
>>2059804

In PreWW1 Russia, a tailor who is seeing low clientele finds a devoted attention for the design of military outfitting and puts forward much bare-bone effort to craft a superior/more well-liked outfit for his country's military. However, while trying to appeal to the government, war with Germany becomes a serious problem and they see no time in remaking all military garb - to quickly remove his interest, they simply put him on the front lines as cannon-fodder.

Just a weak tradesman, the tailor can hardly bear the bloodshed that is warfare and sees no other option but to somehow desert the Eastern front before his surefire death. Under the guise of a high military commander by his outfit, the story goes on to recount on how the tailor barely escapes the clutches of both the Russian and German military while on his way North.

(Meh.)

>>2059935
Would read it.

Title: "But, Vore"

>>2060015

A young German soldier pressed into service during World War 2 must fight the enemy that he knows to be in the right... as well as the growing desires inside himself, which are so, so wrong. Presented with a choice between defection to the Allied forces, or certain defeat in the Schutzstaffel, he makes the third choice... the choice to escape into the crude pornography he draws on idling Panzers, depicting obese dragons from ancient myth swallowing whole the gnomes that he loved so much from the bedtime stories his estranged father read to him as a child.

>>2059935
mite b cool, but you need research.

The last bikiniman.

>>2060034
>>2060034

Easily a read for me.

>>2060072
>>2060072

One could go for the Les Miserables route on writing it.

They Call It Sunrise

>>2060206
>>2060206
>>2060206

The story would begin on the first day a miner takes his son into the mine to follow the family name - during their work, there would be a terrible accident, leaving the son left for dead. Disillusioned to the death of his son, the man (who's wife died long ago) begins to see the mundane process of his life going by as he realizes he had put so much of himself into his son; he is left a hollow shell of a person.

Over the course of some odd years, he sees no option but to simply end the flat life he is now so aware of. After the death of his son long before, he became bitter to his co-workers and the town in general - he decides that if he sets an explosion in the mine, he could end the life of his own and those who put forward a lifestyle he truly came to hate.

The work would end as a similar play by play of the day the novel opened on, the father simply using his son's visage as something to reassure his faith of seeing his son once more.

They bury the father in the mine, away from his son and wife in the town graveyard.

The events that transpired shortly after the apprehension of Lucida Donne.

>>2060265

the other stripe of the tiger

>>2060080
Public officials are bewildered by a middle-aged man who disturbs beach-goers while wearing a thong and bikini. When the police finally decide to take action against the indecent individual, they find a string of murders beginning to unravel.

>>2060279
>>2060279

> The events that transpired shortly after the apprehension of Lucida Donne

After a mother is caught having sexual relations with her ex-husband by her three children, they all process the event as some implied effect on their mother's aging - the eldest son, whom has had long since incestual favor for his mother, begins to plot how he could remove the man from his mother's life (even to the point of murder); the second eldest daughter, who was raised primarily Catholic by the mother's current husband, feels a horrible shame for her mother and her self-proclaimed "whore" nature and begins a slow decline of degrading herself with thoughts that her family name would never be reclaimed anyway with such a mother; the youngest daughter becomes fascinated with sex, continually prodding her mother (who has since the event become reclusive to her children out of embarrassment) and other siblings about the in and outs of sex. She, multiple times in the novel, attempts to rape her older brother in his sleep.

Eventually, the brother becomes aware of his youngest sister's sexual lust, preferring her incestual care over his mother after a failed attempt to murder the man. The middle daughter, who soon comes to learn of this relationship then, goes into a bout of "purity rage" and burns down her family's home with everyone in it. She goes to the authorities and turns herself in, seeing that the only life were she could escape the dirty world would be a prison cell.

(Meh.)

>>2060289
>>2060289

> the other stripe of the tiger

An animator in Norway who is notable for his children show work begins to be drawn to the online hentai world - his love for it begins to fall into his career work subtly, corrupting his career and all the thinking behind it.

The Last African

>>2060500
after a plague designed by tyrannical dictators spreads across most of Africa, eliminating certain undesirable ethnic groups, the book's main character is the last surviving member of his ethnicity, having developed an immunity to the plague. He travels his native land, looking for anybody still alive, and the book chronicles his journeys.

>>2060500
Starring Tom Cruise as the last hope for an African tribe looking to ward of a band of slavetraders. He learns the way of the indigenous people and gathers enough might to ultimately save the Africans from slavery forever. Once this deed is done, the big twist is unveiled. That Scientology had teleported our hero back to this time to cleanse the American people of their sins forever.
Pebbles To A Freight

Transformers: World Trade Center

>>2060532
In which it turns out the Twin Towers didn't collapse, they burrowed deep underground, waiting for the right time for them and all the other transformers (Optimum Premium....aaaand that green one) to have a serious and well informed discussion about contraceptives and prophylactics over a pleasant bit slightly over rich meal of tea and honeycakes.

The twist is revealed to be that they were all once people, but they metamorphosed into robots, like whatsisname from that book by Kaftan.

Hailed as a beacon of post modern literature, they knock down the Statue of Liberty and replace it with a giant Michael Bay holding a miniature David Foster Wallace in his had.

Also the statue can transform into an ICBM.

>>2060532

I actually have a really sad story I am processing in my mind to see if it could work as a plot, but there is actually something to this.

Evening Lads

>>2060565
Homoerotic thriller starring Ross from Friends in word form.

Their love of penis-bottom contact is matched only by their shared love of poor-quality British sitcoms from the 1970s

>>2060521
Scratch that.

Bright Day Pillow Souls.

>>2060574
An intense psych-thriller where one of the characters must convince the main protagonist that he is not a cuddly stuffed ball

My Teacher is a Werewolf!

>>2060596

"So...there's this teacher, and, he's a werewolf. And somebody finds out that the teacher, you know, is a werewolf. So then he tells everybody, look...the teacher, he's a werewolf. And then everyone starts running around, all screaming, the teacher is also a werewolf...watch out. And that's it."

>>2060596
A sequel to Infinite Jest, in which it turns out Hal Incandenza was a gay cuddly stuffed ball that can transform into an ICBM

Murder in the Special Place

Mein Kampf 2: Rise From the Ashes

Eating Guacamole on the Boulevard

Shitty Fruit From A Dumb Tree

>>2060641
Satan tells Eve to eat the shitty fruit from the dumb tree, Eve eats the shitty fruit and gives it to Adam. He eats the shitty fruit and God kicks them out of the garden.

>>2060636
A book dealing with the exploits of an exhibitionist couple who consider their lifestyle "fucking art" and travel far and wide to deliver their very touching displays of affection. They soon become earn cult celebrity status and being a movement.

>>2060641
Your life story as written by your mother.

>>2060613
A boy has his heart broken with the girl of hos dreams turns out to be nothing more than a filthy murderer in the evening papers. His heart.... Is slain.


Feather Cliffs Of A Colored Distort

>>2060665
A female detective who goes by the alias Feather Cliffs is working on a case where a vandal is defacing famous paintings by coloring over them. At the end you learn that the vandal is... Feather Cliffs.

A Sailor Shot my Computer

>>2060665

A description of a man in his late 20's by his female co-worker. They work in a pharmacy and he's a cool guy, but completely empty inside. Also, he drinks to sleep everynight, smokes a lot, don't care about his image (goes around with is beard, crazy hair, dirty clothes), that kind of person. She is looking for a room to rent someday and until she finds it, she ends in his little house, only to find what happened to him. Every person that he truly loves it, end being killed or serious injured or even with a shitty life (goes into heavy drugs, etc) and he can't do nothing. Always as been like that, so he just acepts it. But she starts to get in panic after a month in his house, because she is starting to love him.

The Architect

Dad's Pooves

>>2061212
A young man finds out about his father's secret homosexual life while questioning his own sexuality. In the end, he accepts his father's life choices, but realizes that god hates fags

>>2060695
A journalist is assigned to write an investigative piece about a grizzled old sea captain and his fishing vessel. They are suspicious of him, but he eventually wins their respect by saving a crew member from becoming lost at sea. He goes on to write an award-winning article detailing the modern day Ahab that is the captain. The title refers to an incident when one of the crew members got drunk and fired a pistol at the journalists laptop

>>2060737

An unemployed architect finds structural faults in public buildings and blackmails constructors, making a point of destroying the buildings and killing the people inside them every time the constructors fail to pay him the money.

Gnome

The Trash Pile Pauper

>>2061245
A new super-powerful hallucinatory drug, "Gnome" emerges, with it's main effect causing the user to believe they are a gnome. It's highly addictive and is banned by the government - only making it more popular.
In a small town, a gang of rowdy teens known as the Get Small Gang form to subvert the banning.
They fight police officers, start up Gnome labs and deal the drug to other kids. At the end, as they acquire a massive warehouse full of Gnome, they discover it was a police honeypot and they are all massacred.

The Terrifying Lives and Actions of Jacob Sexfutter

>>2061255
An obnoxious and friendless man engages in internet fantasies vicariously through avatars. The entire novel is written as if these things are actually happening to him, with only subtle points establishing him as an unreliable narrator who's just on the net being a dipshit. The novel ends with his alter-ego leaving a battlefield to wipe off a table at a pizza place.

Euphemisms for sale

>>2061280
An homeless man wanders the streets with a sandwich board proclaiming the title of the book. A wealthy heiress, stepping out of a limo, is fascinated by him and questions his ability to write euphemisms, an odd fetish that she has never been fully able to satisfy. She marches him into her hotel room and makes him recite euphemisms for her sexual pleasure in return for food, shelter, warmth, so long as he doesn't speak a word of it. One day, a journalist corners him alone in an elevator and he unwilllingly spills all. She kicks him back out onto the streets after removing the language centre of his brain (oh did i forget to mention she's also a brain surgeon). He lives out the rest of his days chasing young rich girls, masturbating furiously, recklessly and, above all, melancholically.

Title: I'm Not Your Fucking Auntie, Mister!

>>2061691
A recently post-op transexual bites off more than s/he can chew when the misguided eight-year old son of two sisterless neighbours projects his auntless yearnings for a nurturing older female relative. Cue hilarious shenanigans and heart-warming bonding scenes as the transexual discovers that being a woman is more than having a slit between your legs.

Title: Dogging in times of Starbucks

(Dogging is a sort of 'straight' sex position, frequently considered demeaning to the female partner. 'In times of Starbucks' is a reference to a part of one of Marquez's titles 'In times of Cholera' but with a distinctly inane consumerist twist.)

>>2061799
>>2061799

> Dogging in times of Starbucks

The story begins with a man who in search of his sister whom has eloped with a man he did not approve of - the man has significant financial control over the sister and feels that he knows she'll come back to him, but will only rely her help if she leaves the man. While on the look, the brother is lead deeper in a morbid world that his sister is being brought into by this man - the world of extreme fetish pornography.

Realizing a serious change in situation for the safety of his sister, the man begins a solo man hunt for her across multiple states between bars, strip clubs, and underground snuff film joints.

All through-out, the business practices of all the entrepreneurs takes him back to his time on Wall Street during the early 80's, drawing parallels to his money rise, citing themes such as the shift of consumerism, the degradation of humanity in the name of the customer, and the justification of it all amongst multiple perspectives.

>>2061816
>>2061816

Whoops, forgot my title.

Title: To Walk in Stars and Die in Black Holes

The Crystal Castle

>>2061868

The Crystal Castle. A whorehouse in the seediest part of the city. A place where any woman, no matter what she's running from, can find a place to hide... if she's pretty enough. But when our protagonist seeks refuge there, she soon finds that secrets aren't so easily buried, and the fearsome owner, Madame Parthenos, isn't all she seems.

She's a cannibal who kills her whores and eats them, in case you were wondering.

Anyway, let's see... eh, do Pointman's title.

>>2061799
I think you mean 'doggy style'. 'Dogging' is acolloquial British term form public group sex in car parks
>>2061818
The semi-fictionalized story of Maccauley Caulkin, failed child actor. Born into Hollywood and starring in the Home Alone franchise of films, he truly walked (toddled?) among stars. The second part of the book charts his fall from fame and grace, including the drug habbit, the Michael Jackson years and his heart-rendingly slapdash attempts at getting back into acting. The book ends with a portentous imagining of his death in the arms, and indeed hole, of a black prostitute. £7.99, all good book stores.

Title: Jacob's Madder

>>2061991

Falling Down-esque sequel to Jacob's Ladder wherein Jacob crosses over and finds that heaven is every bit as terrifying as the limbo he was stuck in to begin with, goes on a mad killing spree, fights his way to God for an ultimate showdown.

Title: Forescan: The Holoball

>>2061991
Yeah, when you go doggy style, you're dogging your partner, I've always thought; otherwise I'm taking language liberties I'm happy to take, even with that that potential for confusion with the group sex thing that you mentioned.

Title: Krill; A Treatise

>>2062000
In deepest Bible belt a young man, on a routine visit to the doctors', discovers that his left testicle is completely empty; in medical slang, a 'holo-ball'. Consulting with his village priest, a zealous nutbag and leader of a schismic sect, he is told of a prophecy that one day he will produce the new Messiah (cue jokes about the second 'coming'). This battered bollock is his ticket to the highest and most sacred position in Rome, where he lives until they find him a suitable mate; she of the Luminous Womb. Walking through the catacombs one day he stumbles through a secret passageway where he eavesdrops on a meeting between the papal Elders. He learns the sahocking truth: he will birth the Antichrist who will wreak unimaginable pain, wrath and general nuisance. After 200+ pages of Dostoevsky-style moral rambling and indeicsion, he stands astride the bell tower and, in a thoroughly moving scene, stabs himself in the nut. The elders rush for the castrated testicle in the vain hope of extracting the Jesus Juice. Suddenly, New Mary appears, eats the testicle whole and the two live happily ever after (sans balls). THE END
Title: A Very Fritzl Christmas

The Jellyfish Manifesto

>>2062014
LOL

>>2062014

In a basement in Austria, a young girl finally understands that the yearly visit from Santa Claus is actually just her dad in a disguise pretending to be the jellybellied jolly yuletide character. Distraught, she cries herself to sleep, only to be have a night time visit by three ghosts who teach her the true meaning of Christmas.

Title: Night of the Cheney

>>2062014
The year is 2024, and Josef Fritzl has been released from prison, sporting white hair and a bushy santa beard, he comes home for the holidays. Elizabeth and the family have relocated, but Fritzl Clause is unflappable, and comes down the chimney on Christmas eve with a bag full of wincest and a heart full of hurtcore. What ensues is basically a retelling of 'the aristocrats', with a holiday twist.

>>2062029
A family's quiet retreat to the woods is interrupted by a veritable onslaught of Dick Cheneys armed with hunting rifles, 'accidentally' shooting people in the face and half-assedly apologising afterwards. Naturally, the family have an adopted black child, so he's killed off first in the vein of horror films. Bizzarely, the cute blond girl is seven, and the sequel is written by Nabokov as the father (now a widow after Cheney shot his wife repeatedly in the face then mumbled 'sorry, brah') is sexually attracted to his daughter. The whole thing becomes one big meta-crap story of the father trying to prise the author's grasp on his loins and desperately avoid child rape. The reader is left unfulfilled.

Title: If That's MY Penis, Then What The Hell Am I Holding Here?!

>>2062044
a very short novella, dealing with all ups and downs of puberty, in which we see 12 year-old Jack masturbate for his first time. He doesn't know his semen is alive and capable of thought and psychic powers; it forms second penis from itself which it uses to mentally manipulate Jack into raping squirrels (semen is in fact a kind of psychic parasite from outer space, which lays eggs in digestive track of squirrels and then propagates through their shit into children's mouths when they eat dirt at young age). All this time Jack is unaware of the fact that his real dick was cut off and replaced. Somehow, this dick of his makes its way into one of Jack's friend's house, in which Jack and boys have wild sausage fest with porn. As Jack suddenly realizes that something is not-so-well with his junk while holding his real penis, he asks the titular question. Ominious music and ending follow.

>>2062061
title:
>The Manly Misadventures of Mister Man-goose

The Phantom Whacker

>>2062067

After a mountaineering accident, a wild mongoose's body becomes the host to the tortured soul of a hiker. Attempting to read the vague, shaky scratches in the dirt that the mongoose writes with, a group of dumb teenage girls decides that he is probably "like, a man-goose or something".
Mr. Man-Goose proceeds to try and coax the girls into bringing him to their science teacher to find a way back into his body, all the way dealing with trials such as having his claws painted pink and wondering if being cuddled by the underaged girls constitutes statutory rape on his part or theirs.

Title: The Water Table of Canton

>>2062073
Times of the Second Opium War, a British young man, dissillusioned with life, decides that "Screw suicide, let's go travelling 'round the world, verily", so he, well, embarks. While being in Canton, he hears stories of mysterious Water Table, an ancient Han dynasty artifact that grants infinite power to whoever drinks from it. City's proto-triads fight over the very knowledge about where to find anyone who knows where the Table is, and our young aristocrat joing the fray. Oh, and, you know, War makes it all very chaotic, with city being in state of general unrest and pillage pretty much every day and night, with no break for tea (which really shocks our hero). Then, when Table comes closer and closer within grasp of our Brit, shit starts to get all paranormal and mystic, with dragons being spotted on night sky, ancient emperors rising from grave etc. In the end, it turns out that the ancient translation has been mis-read - the Table grants infinite madness, not power, and not only to the drinker, but to the whole World (or at least China) the closer it comes to being found. In the end, a powerful and winning proto-triad leader, a bit of a nutjob, sips just a few drops of Table Water, and all reality 'round him goes haywire as it is being torn down.

>>2062093
title: Watching the Masked Potato

>>2062098
Sequel to The Water Table Of Canton
It turns out the ancient translation has been misread - again. It wasn't 'madness', but 'masked potato' - easy mistake to make. The proto-Triad leader is transformed into a potato. The translation goes on to say that only through true meditation and study of the potato can one divine the secret of true power. Not being the stereotypically-written Brit of the first novel, the protagonist is not hell-bent on power and world domination. However, he sees the enlightenment attained through meditation as a 'bit of a laugh' and embarks on finding out the true secret behind the masked potato. This is made all the more difficult by the afforementioned mask, which is bound with some Chinese mystical shit to the potato's face. There then ensues an imagined conversation between the masked potato and the man, where the spirit of the Ancient Chinese Dynasty, transmitted through the hallowed form of a potato, demands some stuff to be carried out. Our intrepid Brit does so before realizing that all this legislation etc is merely empowering the potato. However, he realises this too late...
Cue the end of the trilogy: Pol Pot-ato vs. The World

Title: My Faery Rapist

>>2062184
Bump for interest

jim along josie

A Kingdom He Likes

>>2062395
In a world of medieval fantasy, where humans and faeries co-exist peacefully, one fat human child is relentlessly humiliated by a group of female faeries. Their torments escalate, until a prank gone wrong cripples the boy and leaves him in a diminished mental state. The boy's father, a farmer who was once a fierce warrior, attacks, rapes and kills the lead faerie in a fit of rage. Returning home, he discovers that the faerie residue on his member has regenerative powers that restore a portion of his son's memory and physical ability. Inspired, he dons a disguise and systematically takes sexual revenge upon the clique-ish group of faeries, so that his son may live.

>>2063062
Alt-history - George VI is not only stammering, but also autistic, and he likes to hide inside the world of his imagination for hours to no end. Also, communist rebels try to win over the general population and overthrow the monarchy and do usual evil-commie stuff. Edward VIII resigns as always, which greatly outrages the streets and causes a civil war. Unfortunately, George can't handle the psychological strain of ruling the country in such a drastic moment, and falls completely into his world. His psychiatrist comments that "May he, in the depths of his own mind, find a kingdom he likes", while rioters burn London.

>>2063209
>>2063677
Titles, I feel like a challenge.

Strange Pedicure

>>2063688
The girls of Crystal Peaks High School, in a small New England town, are preparing for the upcoming prom, and joyously set appointments with the local Vietnamese-run nail salon. Little do they know, Han-ki Minh, the salon's sole propietor, is an immigrant who, during the Vietnam War, witnessed the systematic destruction of her entire village. With revenge in mind, Han-ki relocates to the East Coast of the United States, and begins to live out her violent, retributive fantasies. When one of the local girls is found, brutally murdered and missing her feet, only Sheriff Donahue can connect the dots and prevent his town from going limp.

>>2063688
When the new Vietnamese block opens up shop in the neighborhood,citizens come in droves to introduce themselves and indulge in Vietnamese culture. But,when citizens toes start disappearing, the leftover appendages are quick to point blame at the viet nail saloon, which oddly enough has a backroom that leads directly into the Vietnamese restaurant.
DUN DUN DUN!
Coming this fall, STRANGE PEDICURE.

>>2063695
>>2063697
Similar yet, different. We got a faceoff.

>>2063677
>title: Ready For The House

>>2063729
Debauched Rotterdam epic about the life and times of yet another dumbfuck German House DJ.

>>2063735
Long Drinks and Sidecars in that Bar near Egodeth

FOREIGN KEYS

>>2064204
Long-life bachelor Omar is on vacation in Sao Paulo.lonely and rejected, he wanders around in the hotel, contemplating suicide, and sees a mysterious ke.yhole that looks exactly like a miniature version of a naked woman silhouet
He decides to rent the room and discovers it is full of of keys from all over the world.
There is one note on the mountain of keys saying he can pick only one key............

Blue Corpse

>>2063745
>>2063745

> Long Drinks and Sidecars in that Bar near Egodeth

Two German men visiting Ireland stumble on a bar in the countryside and, after many drinks, the bartender admits to having killed almost every patron to ever come there - the two men, frightened to the thought, decide that they won't take their chances with any lunatic and drive back to their hotel drunk.

On the way back to home, the driver falls asleep at the wheel with his friend unable to take control of the vehicle before they crash into a rivet near the road - the driver instantly dies on collision leaving his friend to be trapped, hemorrhaging blood for a few hours before he's able to free himself. Hardly able to walk himself, he cannot leave his friend behind and sees the only option would be to return to the bar for help.

With tremendous difficulty, he is able to drag the rugged corpse of his friend back to the bar along with himself, luckily finding the bartender still awake and without any customers. The living German pleads for any help or for the man to call authorities but he refuses, reminding them that in their haste they didn't pay their tab for drinks.

Angered at such petty thinking in the face of death, the German violently attacks the bartender with a bottle left from their previous drinking, stabbing him vitally in the stomach for him to bleed out. As they both lay dying, the German's has only the strength left to laugh with the bartender over the fact that "no patron ever thought they could kill the bartender."

Title: Of Violent Men, did Death Speak

>>2064380
In the not so far future, the Blue Man Group has begun using subliminal messaging in their shows convincing the audience of their beliefs that really cool stuff should not be hindered or something like that. However, it seems a psycho killer with Calvinistic worldviews has caught on to their plot and is systematically killing off the members of the Blue Man Group. It's up to Darrel Grey, Vegas' leading detective to find the psychopath and bring him to justice before the blue corpses start piling up.

my god this thread hasn't 404 yet

CHAIR BESIDE A WINDOW

>>2064477
An old man returns from his wife's funeral. Heartbroken, he lies down on their bed, suddenly too big for one frail pensioner, and waits for the heart attack he is convinced he's about to have. So he lies there, waiting for his own death that'll reunite him with his ex-wife. Bored of this, he switches on their Mac (coz their fags lolololol) and scrolls through the history. He sees a link named 'Post Successful', and clicks on it to discover his wife had left a post on a chan-style forum about her operation, how she fears she'll never make it and what she can do to keep her husband financially secure after her death. He starts to cry and F5 the page every ten seconds.
He wakes with a start, hunched over the computer. The screen glare from the rising sun shicks him to alertness and he hurrieldy F5s the page, knowing that if it 404s he can die peacefully. Realising that it has not, and there he can not, he screams the eponymous title, "my god this thread hasn't 404 yet!" Then he faps to some gore and gets on with his life.

Title: Good King Wenceslut

>>2065968
>>2065968