/lit/ - Literature

first for zyzz

I can't be hurt if I stop caring.

My heart is going back to normal after beating weirdly all day. Hopefully it stays this way. I gotta lay off the stimulants for a while. Note taken.

people who litter should be flogged publicly, passion of the christ style

>>19684848
Vaccinated?

>>19684858
yes but not with an mRNA vaccine

Yelawolf Dirty Feeling is pretty good. YW

I read classics and /lit/ hates me

>>19684940
>I read classics
I read some of them in college, but an embarrassingly large portion of my knowledge of the classics comes from Wikipedia and Percy Jackson.

>>19684850
Part of corpo green marketing is to have people engage with brands when they pick up a can that has a pepsi logo or a bag that has mcdonald's arches. It is also necessary to flog the people who pick up litter.

>>19684950
That's ok, anon. Curiosity is an awesome character trait i.m.o.

I'm learning all of math from the beginning.
I guess I never really understood arithmetic until now, but things feel slow-going. I feel like a retard writing about fucking division but here I am.

>>19684969
Math becomes fun when you get to calculus

Do you anons think typing out a book with a tone or feel you want your own writing to have is a good way of learning to write with that feel?

>>19685065
Yes, but also try it and tell us about it. Then put that in a book. Then you'll have written two books. Any fag can write a book, but to do it twice is a big fuckin deal.

Been looking at twitter by accident and it is scaring me, why are all these people talking as if everyone asked for their "take"? Can someone explain the twitter mentality for me? To me it feels like people walking out of their house, and with nobody around, declaring "You know, there are two sides to this whole COVID situation"

Who the fuck are they talking to? If it's a small group of friends/family who are likely to see it, why speak so abstractly, as if you're up on a stage

Is everybody trying to "act like a person up on a stage" until someone gives them one?

>>19685114
>Is everybody trying to "act like a person up on a stage" until someone gives them one?
Yes. I do this too, just on 4chan. And yes, I unironically think my posts will be studied by scholars for centuries to come.

The Islamic conquest of Europe is fascinating to me. I think it's an extremely important thing to understand for anyone interested in geopolitics and anthropology. From observing the events which occurred in Europe from 2015 onwards, I have arrived at the following conclusions.

I. Islamic civilization in this day and age is objectively superior to Western civilization, in terms of long-term viability, vitality, and expansionism.
II. The Middle East and Africa are far more vibrant cultural regions and home to mentally stronger people than Europe.
III. What we are witnessing is analogous to the Late Antiquity Migrations into the Roman Empire. When we consider the other analogies present, we see that Western civilization is just as cyclical as Chinese civilization is, if not more so.

>>19685268
I will add that this motivates the solution: to end the cycle of fragmentation, consolidation and subjugation that Western civilization is, one must leave Western civilization and create something new.

>>19684830
Where is this?

>housing prices increase more in a year than my whole yearly wage
I dont want to be a rentcuck. It literally returns to the notion that if you're born into wealthy family, you've won at life.

Are you ready to be tagged and chipped like an animal, anon?
Are normies just going to accept it? What a silly question. They are, aren't they

>>19684850
I agree.

Even on holidays I naturally want to go to bed before midnight now. I guess this is getting older.

Any french anons able to assist me? I'm reading Brunschvicg's "La logique de Spinoza" and I'm not quite sure what he means when he writes l'esprit? My first instinct is spirit, yet my dictionary says it could be reason. Why not use "la raison" instead? Is there a reason why l'esprit is put instead of la raison? Thanks

when i gets to heaven tell jesus about my scars
cause hes like his daddy
way yonder far

I've decided to adopt Pythagoras' prescribed diet so that I can eat the same simple thing everyday. It's bread and honey for the first meal, and bread and vegetables for the second meal. Changes I'm making are:
>having the meals earlier than the pythagoreans because I don't like eating in the evening
>also having some fruit in the afternoon, after the second meal
>probably using more olive oil on the salad than the pythagoreans did
>with the salad usually also having some fish or meat more often than the pythagoreans did. I know it's equivalent to cannibalism but I have no problem with cannibalism and I need a bit of protein
So what do you guys think is this good, what should I change? What does /lit/ eat if you eat the same thing every day more or less?

>>19686184
Whats the rationale in having the same food everyday?

>>19686220
Not having to spend time thinking about and deciding what to eat.

>>19686184
Interesting idea, might try this.

/sffg/ is still unmoderated, and the jannies and mods won’t do shit to fix it.

>>19686424
What's the problem?

>>19686184
I eat a lot of just bread and butter. a lot. I keep a pack of butter out of the fridge so it's half-melted, and then I just take a slab of bread, scrape some butter on, take a bite, repeat. It's alright. Does get monotonous, it's not the only thing I eat. I also like boiled potatoes with olive oil, salt and white pepper. I do eat the occasional orange, and I do get bored and buy chocolate, but mostly it's split between those two and cornflakes w yoghurt. Coffee with breakfast, otherwise water (though I have milk with chocolate, always). Not 100% monotonous, but pretty damn same-same. It's alright. Very cheap.

I find it quite disturbing that we've delegated the power to decide what is factual and what is misinformation to the companies that run the big social media platforms. The truth is messy . The truth is often vague or indeterminate from the standpoint of all available knowlege. Whoever gets to decide what the truth is wields tremendous power. This is not the power to proclaim the truth and destroy lies. Instead, it's the ability to shape narratives. Nobody has the omniscience to tell what is plainly the truth in an environment clouded with ambiguity. What they can have is the capacity to control what people believe is the truth by selectively boosting what they want people to believe as truth and omitting what they don't as misinformation.

Sometimes there is little to no grey area. Posts about how horse dewormer will cure covid or whatever are one thing. The claim that invermectin reduces Covid mortality can be traced to a single flawed study that was based on fabricated data and eventually withdrawn from publication. This is the kind of fact-checking which is legitimate. As an informed community of scientists using established evaluation criteria were able to detect bullshit. But these tech companies are not scientists. They are epistemically dependent, if that, on "independent fact checkers" who are themselves epistemically dependent on credentialed experts. No link in this change of epistemic dependence is fool-proof or infallible. But the air of infallibility in judgements of truth is presumed by these censors and fact-checkers. "Fact-checking" is itself a philosophically dubious activity, as it assumes that there is a static, firmly arrayed system of facts that one merely needs to compare a statement against to reliably determine its truth value. Despite the real possibility that what is taken to be fact may be incorrect, or the record is incomplete .

The presumption of infallibility is a screen for narrative manipulation . The well of public communication can be poisoned in two ways. Through sheer misinformation--it is certainly out there--and through the arrogant belief that one can know for certain what is true.

>>19686485
Just faggots spamming and killing discussion.

Was talking to my buddy the other day about past lives and such. I don't believe in it but my friend does. He considers this an explanation for why he is so interested in Japan and why I am so interested in ancient Greece even though neither of us have any family from either location.

Anyone got any take on this? Is it just a case of people having certain interests, is it a past life coming through, or something else

>>19684830
How do people do this shit every day for 40-50 years? If this shit ain’t better in the next 4 years after therapy and other adjustments to my life style I’m gonna just fucking end it myself. I have little hope of things changing for the better though because many people I know would look at my life and think I have it made. Like I’m sure if I outlined a day in my life here y’all would probably tell me to stop being such a bitch. Knowing that does not make it any less difficult. It just makes it more lonely.

>>19686611
if every weeb is an ancient jap then there were a lot of ancient japs getting reborn all of a sudden in the last 30 years or so

>>19686645
and we should have ran out of ancient greeks to resuscitate a long time ago

I am addicted to comedy and i can't even hide it. Making people laugh is like being a fixer for junkies. I can't stop.
Is it too far into post-irony to make something that mocks the current need and overreliance on humor (like alverson's the comedy but less dreary) ?

>>19686530
Just trust the science, bro.

>>19684830
You raped me twice. Once when I was drunk out of my mind; the second time it came crashing down on me like the world was falling apart, you were giving me a wristy when I was asleep. Why did you defile me? Was it for a reason or were you that eager to release your thumos upon me?

>>19686660
>>19686645
What if most reincarnates were sperm that never reached an egg in their past lives? Then you could have millions of Ancient Greek reincarnations and it’d add up.

Finished the three volumes of Londonfrog's collected works. Am I correct in assuming that this was only a small fraction of what he has published here? This guy is pretty productive.

My political beliefs, if you can call them that, are inconsistent and contradictory. They are more like political moods or isolated self-contained thoughts. Some of these thoughts are more consolidated and form archipelagos of chained implication, whereas others float loosely without any integration whatsoever.

This ideological amorphousness probably explains why I am so sympathetic to Stirnerian egoism. Ideology is made to serve me not the other way around. It ought to fit to my whims and moods and preferences. I should not have to break in my psyche to conform it to a prefabricated ideology. Doing so would be like the grotesque and antiquated Chinese practice of foot binding in which a woman's feet were broken at a young age to fit the shape of "lotus shoe" footwear that signified high social status. If I contradict myself, so much the worse for logic. Politics is the domain of the irrational and unprovable anyway.

>>19686943
My political beliefs shift constantly, but what stays constant is that I support the positions most likely to get me what I want out of life.
What I want out of life:
>good career
>Creature comforts
>Create lots of good art
>happy family
>healthy body
>loving cuckoldress wife
Anyway, I’m writing this because yesterday I saw a picture about people who are lemmings, people who’ll obey any system as long as it gives them what they want. I realized I am a lemming.

>>19687056
>>19686943
Then embrace Stirner and stop worrying. Exploit any system to your advantage.

>>19686530
It's just crazy how no one realizes this goes against the whole premise of democracy -- that open debate is the key to solving every issue. More and more lately it feels like stuff isn't believed because we reasoned out that it's correct, but because our society hinges on all of us taking it for granted and never questioning it.

What do people think is the logical conclusion of banning everyone right of a center point on the spectrum from the internet? Because that's obviously what some powerful people are trying to do.

>>19687074
The problem is that the issues facing us are so complex that a layperson simply doesn’t have the knowledge to make informed choices. This allows people with agendas to misinform people. As a result, there is a need for an authority to combat misinformation. Unfortunately, this leads to a position where the fact-checkers are free to pump their own biases into everything. I dunno what the solution is. Maybe demand that each fact-checker hire conservatives?

>>19684871
Same
Read some anti vaxx nutjob on twitter who said my heart will die if vaccinated people exercise:(

>>19684830
I like old things, Old things are cool.
Sadly I cannot talk to centuries-old pieces of masonry. I can lose myself in whatever ruins I can find though.

I took a huge step backward a few years ago and I don’t know where to go from here.

>>19687092
Honestly there shouldn't be an authoritative fact-checking body since that idea itself is so vulnerable to being propagandized that feels inevitable. Instead we should be prioritizing the education of the average individual to make them intelligent enough to see through the bullshit and look up sources. This is (somewhat) how voting used to work back when it was only men with property who could do it. A certain level of intelligence was assumed.

>>19687099
Some people are getting heart conditions from it.
Now that the virus is nothing more than a cold, it’s safe to skip the risk of such things.

>>19687149
I don't wanna die I am just 19 I get easily influenced and anxious thats all
Well whats done is done still gotta lift and do cardio

>>19685445
The Temple of Garni in Armenia.

When I complain about narcissism in American society, how do I know that am not the narcissist tired of other people's self importance (and not my own?)

my evening begins now. I'm finna do very little desu

>>19687074
This assumes we have democracy. We don't. We have corporate rule. Our entire lives have been carved up and divvied out to various corporations who decide our fate from healthcare to communications and everything else.

>What do people think is the logical conclusion of banning everyone right of a center point on the spectrum
It will push them more toward extremism and violence. When you are denied a voice you begin contemplating expressing yourself in the language of violence.

>>19686530

I've started to enjoy our litigious society.

>>19687067
Yet ideology is influential and I get get away from people and their stupidity which nevertheless shapes the discourse and defines the power relations.

>>19687228
*can't get away from

>>19687226

Oops, wrong image. Point still stands.

>>19687217
>It will push them more toward extremism and violence.
Liberals have the power to crush any right-wing violence, and they will use it. I don’t see conservatives surviving if I’m being honest.

>>19687252
>Liberals have the power to crush any right-wing violence
Crush it with what? Glib twitter posts? Conservatives have all the guns and the police and military are mostly on their side. Meanwhile whatever power liberals have is soft power. Cultural influence. Which matters next to nothing once the bullets start flying. They'd be completely overrun. The right is also more unified. The left has fragmented itself with its stupid identity politics which particularize every difference and makes solidarity around a common cause next to impossible.

>>19687228
Correct. But knowing to check yourself whether you fall prey to ideology every now and then is good enough.

so patience is beautiful

>>19687279
>police and military are mostly on their side
You are wrong. Both of those are subservient to the government itself, which is very much anti-conservative, and neither will disobey orders. The day is coming when liberals order repeats of the My Lai massacre across Middle America, and the military will obey. Conservatives do not have the backing they think they do.

>>19687308
Disagree. There is video evidence of police opening up the barriers to let the mob in during the jan 6th uprising. And the left has ruined its standing with the police with its "abolish and defund the police" buffoonery. And the military top brass is trying to root out right wing extremism endemic in the military. Veterans often form the vanguard of far right movements both historically and in contemporary America

>>19687325
>There is video evidence of police opening up the barriers to let the mob in during the jan 6th uprising
I would never assume malice and instead confusion, lack of foresight, and good intention in these situations. Also a random internet video does not mean jack shit. When will people learn?

>>19687325
>And the military top brass is trying to root out right wing extremism endemic in the military. Veterans often form the vanguard of far right movements both historically and in contemporary America
The 'top brass' is conforming to the pressures and political advantages of following the ruling party narrative. As is tradition.
To suggest that the military produces, rather than recruits from a population of, military-interested conservatives is just stupid and assumes an undefinable but immensely powerful psychological priming effect is at play in military service. The reality is that the modern service-eligible population is already batshit crazy and the military simply amplifies pathologies of anti-social behavior in the same way that it amplifies pathologies of socially beneficial behavior (leadership skills, confidence, physical resilience, what have you).

>>19687279
>>19687252

We should not think it in terms of left and right as it really doesn't fit the complexity of the conflict

What we have currently is a state run by corporate interests, this much is obvious. The professional class is running both. Their ideology trickles down to the middle managers (corporate VPs, teaching assistants) and foot soldiers (twitters users, fact checkers.) The people who exists outside of this paradigm (rural folk, entrepreneurs, independent thinkers, extremely rich/poor, boomers, believers in the founding fathers and classic American shibboleths) are a perceived threat because they are not under that social-tech-professional control.

It's how the the professional class rules and subjugates. We've seen the public firings, the grandstanding, misuse of government resources, censorship, puff pieces, it's all of it. Their influence is everywhere where a power slice of the pie is to be had by someone with a degree.

So let's talk about a Civil War. When the professional class reaches the limits of what is tenable in a constitutionally governed and civil society, they will goad and poke and prod until a violent conflict exists (a la intelligence agencies.) The media will play its role, the corporations will throw money at it, the swampy generals will make the obvious moves, the history books will be rewritten and the Constitution will be no more.

There's the playbook. Your American Caesar is fucking Lincoln with a PhD.

>>19687366
>Your American Caesar is fucking Lincoln with a PhD.
American Caesar will be a Black man with a military background.

>>19687331
It wasn't just a video. There's substantial evidence of collusion between authorities and the protestors.

>>19687351
Even if the military is in the government's pocket, as it certainly is (it wouldn't bite the hand that feeds it), a president like Trump might wield it unlawfully for the purpose of the coup. In any event, ex-military types tend to lean right and will take their weapon's training and combat experience to the right.

How shall I be comfortable in my own skin when envy and jealousy are embedded in every part of my mind's anxiety. How do I be myself or find my interests when every action and every atom of my body is based on people's reaction and validation or potential awe.
>oh I bet I'll look cool if I learn this
>hmmm maybe this hobby will work
>guitar is trendy

>>19687438
>every action and every atom of my body is based on people's reaction and validation or potential awe.
Stop this. You are a person with inherent value, interests, etc. Don’t crave the approval of others like this.

>>19687412
>There's substantial evidence of collusion between authorities and the protestors.
I am really doubtful of that. Do you genuinely believe this was a coup attempt? I do not. But the reaction to it speaks volume to me.
I am reminded of this Tocqueville chapter:
>I do not assert that men living in democratic communities are naturally stationary; I think, on the contrary, that a perpetual stir prevails in the bosom of those societies, and that rest is unknown there; but I think that men bestir themselves within certain limits beyond which they hardly ever go. They are forever varying, altering, and restoring secondary matters; but they carefully abstain from touching what is fundamental. They love change, but they dread revolutions. Although the Americans are constantly modifying or abrogating some of their laws, they by no means display revolutionary passions. It may be easily seen, from the promptitude with which they check and calm themselves when public excitement begins to grow alarming, and at the very moment when passions seem most roused, that they dread a revolution as the worst of misfortunes, and that every one of them is inwardly resolved to make great sacrifices to avoid such a catastrophe. In no country in the world is the love of property more active and more anxious than in the United States; nowhere does the majority display less inclination for those principles which threaten to alter, in whatever manner, the laws of property.

That whole section is great in general:
https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/816/pg816-images.html#link2HCH0062

fucking riots in my city and in the country

>>19687412
Yeah, they colluded so much that one of the "coup" persons was killed.

>>19687514
Amsterdam?

>>19687538
Kazahstan

>>19687603
Ah, the energy/inflation crisis.
Good luck to you all.

I don't want to be a degenerate anymore

>>19687660
yep, thanks

I just made a thread about a normal book. If it gets no replies while philosophy bullshit by Dickus Stranglerus gets to bump limit, im going to shoot up /lit/

>>19684969
We all start somewhere.
Better late than never

>>19687883
Do you know how hard it is to find a common denominator for books that are not classics?
I assume you are this
>>19687798

>>19687438
Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

>>19687893
Yeah. /lit/ is incredibly shit these days and i feel like im reading twitter opinions, like anon above described them, and none of them interest me. Guess ill have to try until someone who actually reads books pops up

man look at all this 'usri.. I'mma finna cash in big ya Bari'

>>19687914
To be honest, the Harry Potter threads are always good because everyone has read them. Its a marked difference from a Marx or Hitler thread where everyone is going off of memes or has the Wikipedia page open or is skimming the original text looking for a zinger.

concept: letterboxd but americans are rangebanned

>>19687914
4chan is just not made for this. /lit/ is relatively slow and the threads are ephemeral. The likelihood of generating an engaging discussion for a book you personally like is low. This is also because there are probably just at most a 100 users browsing this board at a given time. Even then, there is not much to say about it since the content is not inflammatory.
The reason philosophy gets replies because everyone is affected by it and everyone can have an opinion on it. It deals with fundamentals of life.

I hate women. I can't stand their voice,it honestly drives me mad. the drilling,squeaky happy voice. I generally hate feminity,and effeminate men drive me to the brink of insane meltdown (I attacked them many times in total rage).

>>19687981
I wish I was more of a feminine man

>>19688000
Why the fuck

>>19687972
Yeah i agree but i wish /lit/ was as slow as 4 years ago. You could have a thread last for a month but now even my thread is on page 5 and its been around half an hour since i made it.
I dont know who to blame for this increased traffic. It happened around a year ago when i first started seeing wojacks as OP posts. Disgusting. And the quality took a nosedive

>>19684830
I can't go on like this. My life can't be an endless repeating loop. I have to break the cycle. I can't imagine Sisyphus happy.

I had an argument with my mom and dad.
I smashed a ceramic plate into my forehead and it broke to many pieces.
Im the worst.

>>19688019
>Sisyphus

>>19688034
>I had an argument with my mom and dad.
what about

>>19688034
Apologize and say youre sorry

>>19688041
About me moving out of their place I'm a 30 year old with a severe neurosis

>>19688058
>About me moving out of their place I'm a 30 year old with a severe neurosis
I don't usually say it,but I feel for you. Hope ya make it

>>19688010
Feminine = cute
I want to be cute, at least in certain contexts. Plus a feminine man figure: skinny, bubble butt, etc. is what I wish I looked like under the clothes. I’m not unhappy with my body, but if I could change it I’d do those things.

I love her so much and the fact that she loves me too is a reminder that I'm not totally worthless.

>>19688064
Thanks anon. I mean it.

>>19688073
good to be reminded

there's a subtle difference between judging someone and finding them disgusting

>>19688056
I did just that.

>>19688072
utter degenerate

>>19688076

How do i live with epilepsy? I feel like my body is a cage when i feel it coming. I am not afraid to die, i will simply fall to sleep, i wont even feel a thing, and knowing that i wont die of old age but probably from lack of air is pretty weird. What im most afraid is leaving this world too early and leaving my family traumatized. They are more scared than me.

>>19688097
Good job. I hope they respect you the way you respect them

I would like to start over with a new identity.

>>19688072
This should work

>>19688174
what like that guinea faggot LARPing as writer in New Hampshire?

>>19688176
I don’t want to use hormones.

>>19687972
>>19687937
This is a problem with the format in general. I like retro video games for instance but /vr/ is disappointing since everyone's always playing something different, so the discussion naturally orients around what everybody knows, which means 90% of discussion is the same shit over and over again. /mu/ and /tv/ suffer from this problem way less since it takes 2-3 hours to experience anything rather than 10+ hours, you can talk about way more stuff.

But one thing we often forget is that having one board to discuss all this also simplifies stuff. Back in the day you had entire websites (forums) for a specific media series or band or author, and this generated way better discussion since everyone is on the same page. The scope of 4chan boards is so broad that the average /lit/ user to know stuff is just asking way too much by any reasonable metric.

>>19684830
I don't enjoy anything anymore.

>>19688254
Perhaps it's time for a dopamine fast.

I don’t really know what I should do with my life at this point, now that I’m resigning from the position I’ve held for the last 3 years. I’ve only held onto that one for so long because of the last 2 years of coronavirus. In retrospect, I might’ve preferred to spend it unemployed or as a student.

>>19688237
they help with fat distribution

I don't want to sleep with men anymore. I want a woman. A woman who can bear my children. But I'm not worthy. It's been proven. What should I do?

I'm starting to realize how little I actually relate to the people I used to align myself with. In politics, for instance, I've had sincere convictions over the years, but almost always end up alienated and disgusted by the people who share them. I feel like a moth drawn to street lights. This metaphor also extends to women, careers, cultures (like this one), and technology.

I've also noticed this temptation to relate to people is reinforced by just about everybody when you talk to them face-to-face. So much more is happening in conversation than the exchange of conscious ideas. I suppose that's why "death of the artist" and anonymous forums appeal to me, because you can ignore that cryptic network of allegience that hangs over everything else.

>>19688447
Why are you not worthy to be with a woman? Is this a humiliation fetish or something?

>>19688460
Because I'm a small dicked (4.5" erect) manlet (5'1")

>>19688466
I’m taller than you but I have a smaller dick and I have had some success in dating. Don’t beat yourself up too much over your dick or your height (unless you’re into that I suppose).

>>19688480
What are some of your successes

Bawoobledydoo. Ma mind’s on due.

I need to get back to writing desu, I've almost finished my book and I've even planned a sequel that's hopefully going to be more eerie than what I'm writing atm. It's because I'm in the last part of the book. I'm about to start the final sequence and then once that's done, it's down to writing up the end, tying up a loose end or two and finishing off the book.

I'm feeling uncertain about the sex scenes in my book atm. I don't know if I'll have to reword them or take them out. Then again, I'm reading Stephen King's IT and Pennywise has just told Beverly how her father wanted to suck her underage clit between his teeth. The sex makes sense in my book though, there's a slow build up where the sexual tension becomes too much and the characters keep overstepping the line and then backtracking because they don't know if it's appropriate until everything bursts and she pulls his dick out of his shorts and starts riding him.

I dunno.

>>19688856
Nice blog faggot.

>>19687099
>anti vaxx nutjob

>>19688865
>crab
>>19688856
why write vulgarity and bring it into the world when you could write something more pure and beautiful, anon? the world has enough awful things without you adding to the problem.

I think this is the last shot. If this doesn’t prosper for me I will probably step in front of a speeding truck.

none of you know what you are talking about under any given circumstances.

I feel slightly guilty be sure I'm just now realizing that the only reason my step sister let me fuck her when we were kids is because she was sexually abused too. It's something my therapist called reactive sexuality. I feel guilty because I actually felt good about it. If elt like I didn't haver to be confused about my sexuality anymore. Now the memory is just two broken kids expressing their pain together in a disgusting act .

>>19689002
Is you step sis hot

>>19689002
Now you must realize that your abuse relates to your actions in the same way her abuse relates to her actions and you are both victims and agents together, and life is messy, and the only way to stop the cycle of abuse is NOT for abuseless angels to descend upon us and rescue us, but for people who are "tainted" by having been on both sides of the coin to destroy the cycle

Forgiveness is one of the most complicated things ever

>>19689013
Kinda yeah I'd rate her a 7 or 8

>>19689002
Yeah when I was at kindergarten in daycare for days some kid would keep coming up to me with a proposition that we would rub each other’s butts. I kept telling him that I don’t care about that, not upset that it was weird or gross but instead annoyed that he kept saying a bunch of words that I don’t feel anything about and making me listen to them. Eventually he asked enough that I said ok fine but stop asking and we tried it in this quiet spot on the playground and a girl came over the top of the thing we were on and saw us and told the teacher and we got in trouble for it and I was livid and embarrassed and scared and sad and have lived the rest of my life with a very particular neurotic phobia that I won’t go into.
When I think about it he was probably being molested and that’s how he got the idea

wondering is there any good retro-inspired fps like DUSK or Wolfendoom

>>19689056
Do you watch any of Civvie's reviews of neo-retro FPS stuff or Gmanlives

I think there's another guy, Warlockocracy, who sometimes reviews interesting things but I can't remember if it's retro games.

>>19689024
Describe her

>>19689056
Necromunda: Hired Gun, Severed Steel

>>19689054
>>19689002
I wonder how many kids do get abused. I suspect I may have been. I had some memories begin to surface a while back, I was 99% sure I had been, but then they receded and now I don't know. I am definitely dysfunctional enough.

>>19689067
not like this anon

>>19684830
My safety pin earring seems to have been ripped out of my ear in my sleep. I deposited $1100 cash into my bank account today. I'm now sitting in bed drinking a cup of black coffee and eating dates. I bought a bag of "cafe la duena" beans and brewed them in my moka pot. The coffee is a bit weaker than I'm used to but not undrinkable. I'm listening to Uncle Meat. I feel like a beatnik. If only I had the courage to smoke cigarettes.

>>19689082
You said A,you gotta say B

>>19689088
I'm not him I'm just saying, this isn't 2007 /b/

>>19689083
Tranny or art hoe?

>>19689093
>this isn't 2007 /b/
For me it still is

>>19689076
Well when I was studying abroad on the final day of my stay I got sleep paralysis for the first time, which was different from ALL of the others I’ve had consistently since that time. In this paralysis, again my first one, an old man was sitting on the edge of the coach my head was resting on rubbing my upper thigh and of course I couldn’t move and it felt like I was literally paralysed in terror

I have no memories of being molested however and I suspect none of the very few older men in my albeit also dysfunctional family

>>19689097
Male metamodern philosopher

I'm stoned, playing UNO with my gf and I'm luckier than you all. I feel unworthy of everything I've ever had if I'm being honest and I can tell you exactly why

>>19688072
Masculinity is your natural form. Embracing it will bring you happiness

>>19689105
>meta modern
Eek

she's gone yeah
probably should have erased those pics by now
it's funny to see the both of us so young and happy
I wonder if she's happier without me
I know I'm not

>>19689076
>>19689054
>>19689076
>>19689103
>>19689054
Thanks anons. I have come to an realization because of this conversation. I realized that I'm still that broken kid trying to find a way to express his pain.

>>19689098
bless you anon

>>19689158
I hope you get peace anon.

>>19689150
She is

>>19689056
serious sam, the recent ones

>>19689056
did you actually play DOOM? it holds up very well

I like poetry but sometimes it's hard to follow. I feel like a midwit

>>19685114
>Who the fuck are they talking to? If it's a small group of friends/family who are likely to see it, why speak so abstractly, as if you're up on a stage
It's learned. They don't necessarily think that's not the case, but they also are adapting styles and acting like the media they've taken in. It's not like a conversation, to them. Social media is partially rooted in the idea of "you get your own soapbox" when you post there. Also the main reason I'm not on any major platforms, I see no reason to participate and can talk to or message my friends if I need to.

>>19685502
Preach brother.
>Dude just catch this falling knife or be priced out forever!
>What do you mean you don't want to buy this run down shithole in the boonies!

>>19687308
The military will never fire on Americans and get away with it.

I think I’m in love with a 14yo girl, or maybe rather what I think she will become. In any case her absence is a great pain.

I hate my face and I’m considering getting brace + surgery to fix my weak ass jaw, I’m kind of scared to do it because of possible nerve damages and it’s fucking expensive but you know it would be nice to NOT see a goblin looking back at me in the mirror and feels confident smiling ect

type in the url for that "freetoker" ad in a new tab so they don't get any clicks and click on the Our Team tab. be prepared to see some very real people

>>19688072
your mind as a westoid

>>19684830
I got the idea of a book in my head but like, nobody cares about books. I have no art. I couldn't teach myself to draw or to make music and I wouldn't even want to because no matter what art you learn it will always be a poor facsimile of what's in your head and why spend your life learning to write music if you will just be completely lost when you want to be express something that can't be expressed through music but only some other art form? I never drew, if I tried again to start drawing now it would just be a false venture motivated by nothing but regret and anger and not genuine love of anything. But I feel like the book I would write is pointless if it's just words as if the images are necessary... But it probably can be done without images or music, I just don't have the skill, and I can't help but think the only reason I want to write it as a book is because I was a failure at everything else so all I can do is read. I would kill to have been one of those people who started drawing as a child, because it seems so out of reach now. It all seems like I am just making excuses but I have tried to learn everything over and over again but it's always false and I can't create a true passion for something out of nothing so I will just keep thinking about the book that's in my head and that might not ever exist because my entire existence is purely mental and theoretical, I will probably never actually create anything

>>19689134
neither masculinity nor femininity means anything. It's because he believes in concepts like masculinity and femininity that he wants to be more feminine. In order to embrace his natural form he must cease to think of himself in terms of labels like feminine and masculine and he will stop desiring to be feminine

YOUR STARING INTO YOUR NEW GODS SOUL


IM SWALLOWING THE RABBIT WHOLE

I dread taking a shower.

>>19690104
for me its pooping. pooping is such a harsh reality to me that i have to face every day.

PEEPEE POOPOO
.
.
.
.
CUM

>>19689275
You are

>>19684830
I believe I've developed some form of paranoid psychotic disorder and that's just one more thing I have to live with. Throw another log on the fire. It doesn't matter. I suppose it's better to feel the accute pain and fear of paranoia than to feel undue comfort

The unnamable haunts me. The label "anxiety" does not do justice to the host of demons posing as my friendships or the unfathomable severity of my solitude before the universe. "Dread" is not enough to describe the chorus of silent voices of all who have abandoned me. A subtle evil disfigures and distorts everything, making it cold, deceptive, turn its shoulder to me. I cannot escape it because it is a part of me but also outside; it has the absolute truth of that which pervades both, pervades all.

I cannot explain the origin of this mental taint. It is more profound than a mere depression. It is striking. It seems to be heaped on top of me with a great pressure and weight, like a violent depressive shock. Regular depression is quietly morbid, dulling. This hammers me. Whenever I think of others I see lies.

The psychologist might call it a mixed state with contrasting excited and depressive characteristics . These dry descriptive terms lack all reality. They fail to capture anything of the inner content, the true substance tearing through me. Like all analytical language it bears meaning by suggesting little, by minimizing the rich connotations in which the free mind lives and enhancing sterile denotation so that only next to nothing is signified.

Ok I admit it I'm just bullshitting at this point. There isn't some mystical evil overtaking me. I am in a notably sour mood all things considered. AND DAMN IT YOU ALL MUST FIND OUT ABOUT IT.

>car is in the shop
>take the bus to work
>schizo methhead pacing around keeps peering in the trash can, flipping off cars, and cussing to himself about how the bus is taking too long
>old lady getting on the bus drops all her change
>another old lady gets on and starts talking non stop in high pitch witch voice, has to point out everything she notices, keeps telling the driver where she gets off and not to forget her
>find a free seat...oh it has some sort of puddle
>another old lady gets on the bus and instantly starts whining that the express bus takes too long
>driver keeps doing that starty-stoppy shit instead of just going an even pace
>old couple in front of me cant shut up, constantly sniffling
>old man behind me starts coughing
>take uber home, fuck the city
Europeans and liberals in my city are retarded for being "pro public transportation", voting for higher infrastructure taxes while they drive their teslas. Real people value cars and privacy. Even paying 15USD is 100x worth it over paying 1USD for the bus to ride with schizos and old retards.

Fear is a kind of knowlege, is it not? At least one must believe the basis of fear for it to be fearful. Can one fear what one doesn't believe? A question for the metaphysicians perhaps.

Fear then is the most sublime truth of all. It is the first, the monarch of the emotions. I see fear as the unifying principle that threads together all aspects of the psyche. Fear is the first impulse to animate the animal body, or else it comes down to the circular riddle: what came first? The predator or the prey? The fearless predator pursues the fearful prey. The answer must be prey. A world where the predator came first would be one in which all predators are also prey, but such an arrangement does not balance nature's accounting books. What can hunt, can kill, and what can kill can defend itself. Nature decrees that there will be softer things that nibble on leaves and grass, its vastly abundant foliage which requires no chase, no struggle, no bloodshed, to consume. Mathematically speaking prey must outnumber predators. Therefore the first predator was once prey, a satan of sorts who betrayed God's herbivorous Eden and acquired a sacrilegious taste for flesh. Fear, or at least one of its many offspring, was born that day.

And of course behind fear is death. The ultimate truth. Fear therefore is a gateway to enlightenment.

You might ask what kind of sicko preaches the gospel of fear. What sort of depraved cultist am I to worship such an idol? No. I call for understanding, for primal knowlege. For if fear is at the center of the psyche mastering it gives one command of the entire fortress of the mind.

A slice of depression is the real Devil’s food.

Don’t eat it.

Night sweeps by with terrifying rapidity. Dawn is an open wound. The crash at the end of the tunnel.

Eventually one will have to accept defeat. Lay down the Sword of Life and surrender before Death. Peace is to recognize the numinous unknowing. To give up the endless fight to understand, to make sense of it all, to think. Isn't that all that thought is? A struggle against the unknown, the unknowable? You might as well hope to claw your way out from the bottom of the ocean. Is it not all so tiresome?

The answer is to stop fighting the unknown. Lay down your arms, kneel before it in supplication. For the unknown is your master. The unknown is your God.

>you found an enemy in sorrow, i made a lover out of mine

For those who see cowardice in my quietism, let me ask you this. Do all your efforts bring you any further away from death? Can you approach this infinity? For every problem another stands next to it, an indefinite and uncountable series. In the end. That's all that life is. And if you never solve the final problem in the series, death, then can you claim to have solved anything? Everything is mutually incomprehensible to itself and to each other. What if the knowlege you throw up against the wall of the senses is just your own projection, trapped in a solipsistic snow globe world? Oblivion is both the beginning and the end. Knowlege is a prison. I cease to exist, therefore I am.

>>19690613
Sorrow doesn’t love

The brilliant solution to this great equation now presents itself. Death is not the problem, but the solution. In this inexorable logic, fear is becomes light and empty, and ebbs into relief. One must radically rebel against all the deceptive instincts which have been soldered into you by survival to arrive at this momentous inversion. Hunger, sorrow, pain, everything which carries a whiff of fear, speaks to death as though it were the enemy. But these whispers are lies. The senses deceive you into being trapped in the fleshy stockades of petty materialism. The problem is life, not death. And once you see the end of your life as its finest reward, all fear leaves you. And if all fear leaves you, all pain and sorrow loses the tragedy which magnifies its venousness. Finally, everything is given to you. You do not need to die per se.

The same teaching applies to the bushido code of the samurai warriors. Fundamental to bushido is the concept of "living as though you are already dead." Having achieved mastery over death, the warrior faces his true death fearlessly and therefore achieves the most noble state in which it is possible for a human to achieve.

The inversion of the terms of the equation throws everything back on life, the pulsating, wound up knot of sensations whose pulsing, throbbing wants and needs stir it to seek out every direction in vain. But the truth of life is in its ending. Seek nothingness and surely you will find it.

stupid fucking teacher has gone over by fifteen fucking minutes. I want to walk my dog and go to be not listen to fucking court procedure god damn why is life boring? why can't life be fun? I love fun, this sucks.

Haven't got high for a year. Now I am high. Not enjoying this as much as I thought I would.

Diary entry, 1/3/21, unpunctualized out of haste:

>i drank some bottled water and left to go on a jog around 3:00. i broke out into a run as i crossed the four-way intersection up the hill, slowing my pace to a leisurely jog once i met the trail underneath the power lines, safe from speeding, empty trucks too caught up in their 'group B' daydreams to notice any pedestrians on the narrow, practically nonexistent shoulder.

>naturally, everything began to hurt no less than two minutes into the jog. to motivate myself, i likened giving up and slowing to a walk to my refusal to study harder for university entrance exams, to never asking out my crush in chemistry club, to giving up on the very prospect of a fruitful youth. i berated myself for how i spent the morning and thought of the burning in my calves as deserved punishment not just for sleeping in, but for wasting my teens, for two decades on this earth with next to nothing to show for it. timed on my $10 watch, i was able to sustain a jog for just under 45 minutes.

>there were a few pretty funny sights. a middle aged woman with an expensive overcoat on and the apple in-ear headphones that come complimentary with phones had her mask up and eyed me almost suspiciously as i ran past her in the opposite direction. an old lady in all grey came onto the trail from one of the houses flanking it through its yard; as she circumvented a puddle by walking on the drier grass, i sprinted through it on the balls of my feet, very likely splashing her with muddy rainwater. a middle-aged guy with a spandex tracksuit and a neon-yellow helmet flew past me a total of three times for the half-hour i spent on the trail. finally, when back in the neighborhood, a short, 50-ish y/o man walked past me and gave me "how are you" in a submissive whimper as i passed him - when picking up my younger brother later from the YMCA, i joked about how "he looked at me like i was going to rape him", which really wasn't much of an exaggeration. otherwise, there was one family all on their bicycles i could hear gleefully laughing amongst themselves from dozens of yards away and a couple cuddling next to a small dam, despite how gloomy everything looked in this slice of water-logged, overcast suburbia.

>as dusk started to settle in, i thought about how, probably, no more than 10% of my generation will ever jog for more than ten minutes in their entire life. it gave me a warm feeling.

>>19690828
Boredom is a fence

I could have spent the first five days of the year doing all the things that I've been so carefully planning and fantasizing about so i could finally start fixing my pathetic little life, but no, all i do is waste time staring at the ceiling or literally just walking around the house. Anything other than what could get me forward. I couldn't even keep my hands away from my dick for five days, the simplest fucking task and i didnt even do that. No job, no education, no future. Didn't even make any stupid little piece of art in four years. Zip.
I don't even understand why i'm so knowingly locked in this empty cycle, i'm already aware of how to break it, yet i still just sit and let it rot. Suicide didn't work last time. How do you get away from yourself?

>>19690554
Thank you anon, I were thinking about the salvation that come from the Lord and suddently bitterness came with thoughts about the possibility that women don't really like men, I never met a woman who really loves her partner, and with all this hypergamy stuff then it invites me to don't care about it, the risk is too high. Maybe men don't really like women anymore. It's the end, there is no way back. I should say thanks to God because he wanted me outside this madness and closer to him, that is good isn't it

>>19690922
Gayyyy

The more chapters I write in my fantasy novel, of which I have all the plot beats, characters and symbolism planned out beforehand, I realize I really need to get better at descriptive writing and making my paragraphs pleasant to read. My vocabulary is sorely lacking, especially when describing any sort of architecture or landscape. Luckily most of the plot takes place in one city.

>>19690933
Are you sure? It's just that Social engeneering is brutal nowadays, and the destroy of the family unit will bring a lot of misery

still no end
>>19684830
Well you didn't wake up this morning 'cause you didn't go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red
The calendar on your wall was ticking the days off
You've been reading some old letters
You smile and think how much you've changed
All the money in the world couldn't buy back those days
You pull back the curtains
And the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying
Across a clear blue sky
This is the day, your life will surely change
This is the day, when things fall into place
You could have done anything, if you wanted
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky
But the side of you they'll never see
Is when you're left alone with your memories
That hold your life together, like glue
You pull back the curtains
And the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying
Across a clear blue sky
This is the day, your life will surely change
This is the day, when things fall into place
This is the day (This is the day)
Your life will surely change
This is the day (This is the day)
Your life will surely change

>>19690873
>I don't even understand why i'm so knowingly locked in this empty cycle, i'm already aware of how to break it, yet i still just sit and let it rot.
do you think you deserve sympathy?

>>19690968
i love how this absolutely vicious depiction of being stuck in a loop of delusion and satirizing the typical mentality of ''this time i'll turn it all around!'' managed to be misunderstood by the masses as a hopeful tune instead of the profoundly sad reality that lies deep within it

easily the worst goodreads reviews are the students logging it as part of their syllabus or whatever bibliography they’re going through. no one cares you fucking clown. kill yourself
https://youtu.be/m4_MhVGg668

>>19690983
Absolutely not. I only have myself to blame for getting stuck in this tar pit. If anything, the sympathy makes me feel worse. It's why i try as hard as i can to avoid talking about these matters in real life.

>>19691003
good, i guess. at least you have people to talk to.
my medical documents are forged, and so is my soul.

I refuse to use the online microsoft word. How to get word for free? I've been using the built in wordpad on my desktop but it has fuck all for options.

please can the sexes make amends. it is combat at every level.

I don't know who needs to hear it, but the Nihilist in me says:

No one cares and it doesn't matter, so stop worrying about whether it amounts to a tar pit. The dinosaurs never stopped to wonder about it for a second and they're dead.

The Christian in me knows you probably need to hear it and says:

Jesus loves you. You are suffering and you are going to die, just like him and probably not much better. That's what life is, getting killed and fucked to death for trying to make sense of a mad world. You are in Hell and going to keep burning for the eternity of consciousness unless you learn to forgive and accept yourself, and others, horns and all. Heaven is about keeping your eyes on something impossibly beautiful and of static worth to eternity.

So mostly bullshit, but try to entertain a few illusions of moral gravity long enough to realize this is a tar pit, and you live here. Otherwise fixate on money and status and how much it costs to be relevant or alive. The fact you even have it together enough to type a post here with a captcha shows more promise than half the living population of the world can manage.

Sorry for the diss, but please grow the fuck up.

Pilgrim's Progress is a good read, and so is the Odyssey. Both really capture the imagination, and it sounds like you need some help thinking outside the digital exploitation box.

>>19691078
The sexes will never be reconciled; read The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir.

There is no end of confusion caused by technological and modern media to the inherent social presentation mechanism. People want to feel beautiful and strong and all the readily available and highly convenient methods are ready to provide that feeling in the form of woke posturing or adherence to mandates or what the fuck ever.

It is hard to be beautiful and strong when few, if any, social mechanisms persist to reward the default lack of grace and ugliness and incompetence we constantly combat within ourselves and others.

Nice chip, but overall it doesn't change that I want to fuck and over the other sex, and that they want me to do it in a specific way. Respect and publicity has entered the dialogue but that doesn't mean any of the old lessons are defunct by any means.

>>19691078
Men have to grow up. Society has to change completely. You know what has to be done.

>>19691078
kill all journalists

my butthole hurts from being sedentary so long
what do

I never learned how to work in my life, let alone work hard. Should i just go guerilla and live in a rough environment for a while to learn how to do that? I legitimately have no clue on how to just ''do''. It's deeply embarrassing.

>>19690992
imagine criticizing someone and then all in the same post attention whoring with a tripfag and posting gay art and groid noise. please take your own advise

>>19690922
Sounds like you don't like some people.
It's okay if they suck, just say it.

My first girlfriend was a cocksucker and a theater slut that used me to do homework.

My second girlfriend was a succubus and feminazi who hung me out to dry for her boss.

My third girlfriend was a dumb prospective tattoo artist who liked the city and wanted a baby.

My fourth girlfriend was a bipolar alcoholic who dumped me after her dad died. She recently called me from a rehabilitation clinic after nearly drowning herself after doing too many psychedelics administered by her plastic shaman husband during a bout of postpartem depression. She was spouting some nonsense about how her newborn child was from the underworld and how she had managed to broker galactic peace with her cousin who had recently committed suicide.

My fifth girlfriend was a basic bitch that complained incessantly about her job.

My sixth girlfriend was a mindfulness and yoga instructor who used me to help her complete difficult tasks at her job. She constantly berated my self esteem and mental capacity by projecting her own feelings of inadequacy and personal failings.

My seventh girlfriend was closet case religious nut and virgin who lived in her parents' basement and homeschooled her sisters while shelling half her paycheck to live in a shoebox.

Women are all over and fragile and toxic and guess what? They all thought I was bad news.

They were right. Imagine some self-pitying and self-absorbed dickhead with white knight syndrome and various compartmentalized psychological disorders just trying to score some pussy with a wan smile, and losing his shit when they gave it to someone else who could pull the same one-trick pony.

I don't like the freedom women have or exercise, mostly because I was raised a traditional misogynist. But quit making it about God or whether women really love you or anyone.

Love is a word and relationships are about power. So go use your words and find an equitable exchange; women can be reasonable and you might just find your match.

>>19691223
Failure to initialize; rather that things seem out of touch and really you just never developed a mechanism to cope with the unknown. It could be that you suck, or far more likely that you just aren't experienced.

Learn to do something basic and be embarrassed at it; like karaoke, read a book, play an instrument, learn a language, volunteer at a soup kitchen, paddle a canoe, hike a trail, run a mile, or join the army.

There is a story in the Bible about a Syrian commander named Naaman who contracts leprosy and nearly condemns himself to a life of disease and isolation until his servant talks him into to humoring an old Jewish warlock and bathe for a ten-day in a river downstream of where all the sheep and goats and cattle and oxen shit. Naaman does it and is cured of his leprosy and is reinstated to his command.

But more to the point, just do stuff and be culpable to a partner or a group. Half of life is just learning how to be properly embarrassed once you notice other people are watching you. Sometimes learning how much you care about that is the first step, and then it all comes down to practice and facing boredom and exhaustion and frustration.

"Sucking at something is the first step in becoming sorta good at something." -Jake the Dog (Adventure Time)

>>19691262
Thank you for sharing your story, I suspect that it would be easy to find similar stories over the internet, but your narration felt pretty honest and heartfelt.

Yours suggestions have a lot of sense, I will remember them, right now I don't have enough time to find someone and build one, I work, volunteer, study, investigate, dedicate time to family and practice bizantine art. Finding a compatible women is hard work and for some reason I never had a huge apettite for dating

>>19691262
>relationships are about power
Damn has pop psyche gotten to you, lol.

>>19691262
Seems like you have enough experiences to be someone here who actually has interesting enough experiences to write a book worth reading.

You should write detailing all these relationships, might be interesting to have many many chapters, or even non chapters but just constantly jump back and forth and all over time describing these relationships and analyzing yourself and them.

I'm faintly picturing like your out to eat to dinner with the first girl, and there's dialogue and nice writing and observation and monologue, and description, recollection, reflection, pontification, theories, self judgements, doubts, wonders, certainties, questions, and then all the sudden you are out to dinner with 2nd girlfriend, etc .

So the reader is in the present moment of all these pasts, with all your past versions, while being analyzed by the present version of you

And the time jumping my instincts feel would just keep things fresh, exciting, on the edge, compelling.

The lack of simplicity and clarity, and at times the abundance.
You think one way and they do for a time, then you might change 20 times in an hour or week or month, then maybe return, then maybe change 20 times everyday for a year, then maybe return.

I am sorry that you disturbed the quiet of lies.
I don't care about the still lights or the words in the air.
There is a sickness here and it sticks in my nose, so sweet and acrid.
You never remember and it's fine by me to drink to your health again.
Take your gifts and buy another life and a new home and a brand new dog.
I don't want to love anything again except the thrill of taking out the trash.
My thoughts drain and I think myself strong for the weakness.
Smiling in pain at the delusions of grandeur.

>>19691374
There's something right there; volunteer, study, etc... Change your workspace, get a study partner, network within your family, or visit museums or universities and research further on Byzantine stuff. Take a train across the country, but above all get outside yourself and try to take an interest in something that may seem beneath you.

Dating isn't something anyone understands, and mostly people want something monogamous because the alternative is always fighting for attention. As per the polygamy, I find that people want to experiment with a default to return to status quo or something more twisted is going on that typically involves a sugar daddy or predator somewhere.

Fuck I really need to piss but I'm too lazy
I don't want to put on my jacket but if I don't my parents will see that I have breasts
God damn my life is hard

>>19684830
History is repeating itself once again and i've seemed to have learned fucking nothing since I still partake in the very shit poisoning my soul

>>19690422
Your public transportation wouldn't be that bad if you actually invested in it. This is a problem unique to the US.

>>19691381
Fair enough. Between the Chinese Zodiac, General Astrology, MBTI, and SDI metrics I have become saturated with terminologies.

I have done some psychiatric counseling, and found that most successful practices push individuals either to independence or incarceration, whereas others prefer to monetize your experience either in false sympathy or prescription drugs.

I settle on power because it makes sense to me, but that's also bullshit but generically we are talking about time and money. Some people (women, in this case) want you to spend it on them as a tribute or recognition of their worth, and that takes different forms.

That gets into love languages and all that, and for my part I like to give gifts and acts of service because my parents are both refrigerator workaholics and it makes sense.

Power in that sense can take the form of denying or granting that time or money as an expression of love in the relationship.

In the case of someone different that values physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation this amounts to cuddling, talking, and compliments or something insipid like that.

You have transform your time and money into something that speaks to power for the other person even as they do the same in a way this mutually beneficial and balanced.

I can point at why many of my relationships failed as simply failing to effectively empower my significant other with something as simple as kind words or a gentle touch or a conversation about nothing.

Giving someone else the power to extract those useless things from you is how relationships work. If you fail to recognize that aspect of intimacy and diplomacy, no personality matrix will save you.

>>19690832
i hope this doesn't happen to me when i reach my goal

>>19691414
I have tried several times, even attempting the Jordan Peterson writing and journaling program to provide a baseline. It is an intriguing idea to capture various perspectives and models on identity, but overall I lose interest in the masturbatory isolation of the exercise or mulling over something inherently shitty that I am attempting dramatize as incident to some grand personal catharsis.

Nothing is infinite, not even a good pair of tits.

To start with, I was a weird kid that grew up outside of Los Angeles during the crack epidemic, race riots, and earthquakes of the late 80s and early 90s. My neighbors were street kids whose sisters locked them out of the house during the day so they could turn tricks. We would run around on bikes and rollerblades tagging buildings and trading dime bags for dealers to buy donuts and comics.

That was the fun (and sometimes violent) stuff. The rest was a lot of strange church sexual exploitation, distant traveling, and general weird shit that never quite settled well in my memory. I remember running around the desert and crushing fire ants with my feet, or catching lizards and tarantulas with my hands.

Then one day we came to the Midwest and things got normal until my dad tripped over his own dick and a nasty white trash divorce split the scene. By the time I got to junior high I was a classified head case but I knew how to move and avoid detection.

There's plenty of shit in anyone's life; some is just more colorful and of greater variety. It took me a while to appreciate that, especially with respect to the women that I often thought of as tools.

1. Latest cycle is done. Lights out and away we go. Getting back into normalcy after the darkness clears takes a push. Should be fun (unironically).

2. Posters here need to learn the value of brevity. A basket weaving forum is no place for a barrage of monologues.

2.1 Speaking of brevity: how do you write one-liners? I feel that a joke or poem is to prose as a chess puzzle is to a whole game. A nice, neat little world of its own logic.

3. Bellyache all you like about decline this or that, nobody really wants things to go back to they way they were. That doesn't mean things are better now in reality. But our fantasy is much richer.

>>19684830
The nature of women is based on ancient reproductive kidnapping rituals and the survival instinct genetically passed by generations of such breeding rituals thereby explaining the innate disloyalty of much of female kind. To wit: I kidnap a sexually viable girl. Her opposition to kidnapping readily falters and becomes a morally and sentimentally almost amnesiac acceptance to her new fate, by which she survives and is procreated upon, insuring the dissemination of her genes through the evolutionary chain, but with it the very genes that coded for her "disloyal" immanent adaptability to sexual exogeny, even disloyalty, in the first place. Those reproductively viable girls that could not psychologically quickly adapt to their kidnapping and withered emotionally from a longing and a loyalty to their clan, family, etc did not pass on their genes with similar efficacy, so that the genes of the first kind came to exogenously and ultimately generally swamp those of the second.

>>19691557
A problem unique to the US. Damn straight.
But seriously what do you mean when you say invest in it? Most of the countries you are comparing as baseline were the ones that Americans left in order to get away from overcrowding or the landed gentry. Any European country has an incredibly developed infrastructure where you can walk, ride a bike, take a tram, jump a bus, hop a boat, do whatever and it's all well and good.

Except for one little hiccup in your logic. Remember when France threw strikes for like a year because the state starting hiking carbon taxes on petrol?

Even in this futuristic utopia where investment and infrastructure is so historically established that quality public transportation is background noise in the literal bed of Western architecture and the industrial revolution the populace is still bitching about the price of fuel for their personal vehicles.

Why is that?

Now take the US with some population density spread across 50 self-governing and independent states each of which (or some combination) can rival France or whichever European state you want to compare with totally incomparable population ethnic and cultural diversity, welfare and poverty demands, and any other socioeconomic factors worth mentioning, and the question is posed thus:

Why would a system that isn't fully realized in France and halts when the price of diesel rises due to individual pressures have any hope in the US? Further, how would the US pay for such an undertaking, literally where would the money come from? Even further, why would they do it?

In this case, Chicago. A freight city. Public transportation in this case functions to transport black service workers from the south side to the north side to work at Starbuck's and McDonald's and then back home. Why do that in a society concerned about energy efficiency? Further, why allow offspring supported by a welfare state (be they white or black) to exist in the first place in a society concerned with carbon neutrality?

Consumerism is a major piece to be addressed, and unless some alternate mechanism other than a car exists to transport me from my house 3 miles down the government maintained road and back with overpriced groceries to feed my body to work the 40+ hours where I don't take a day to bike to the local cooperative farmer's market in the middle of winter isn't a real solution.

But sure. Invest your heart out.

My friends make me feel so pretentious. I'm a midwit, but I at least try to have some standards when it comes to media I consume.

But every time I bring up books with them, it's always light novels, warhammer 40k books, manga, comics, or YA. I genuinely felt embarrassed for them, but I feel like I was the only one who thought this way.

Even when I tried to bring up something basic and normie tier like No country for old men, they looked at me like I was some kind of psychopath for willing reading a book over watching the movie

>>19691659
Blood of the covenant runs thicker than the water of the womb. Too much focus on the latter than the former and it makes for a weak argument with an obvious cash prize.

Boiling everything down to nature and reproductive viability is a clever and excusatory tack. From that perspective males are essentially are torture and murder machines with the good sense to rape.

Loyalty and trust are elements of consciousness; elements of moral exercise. People are capable of defying their animal impulses or else we could not have risen to any state of civilization.

By your logic, women are untrustworthy because men are incapable of trust. Very Nietzsche and it shows in a retrospective fantastic historicity that has absolutely nothing to do with specifics or exceptions or rules or anything more interesting than animal instinct.

I understand the need to get your bearings around the weaker sex, but you don't get to piss on all of history or rational though to justify why women deserve what you feel about your inability to trust others.

>>19691758
What manga/comics?

>>19691758
I used to follow Jerry Holkins from Penny Arcade in his C-Team D&D livestreams and the Q&As on PAX. He once said that "some tables don't work" and that stuck with me.

You can't change your friends; mine enjoy video games and football. I like playing cards and music or drawing. My suggestion would be to go so basic or old school that everyone is out of sorts on the topic and you are left with the abiding excuse that brought everyone there in the first place: being around eachother.

If someone is only hanging out with you because you feed their desire to talk about Warhammer 40K then you aren't friends, you are acquaintances with similar tastes and hobbies or you are an enabler for something unhealthy. Your friends will piss you off and disinterest you but overall they will find ways to make it work.

If all you do is get ostracized for trying to share, your tastes might suck, or you might not actually have friends, just desperate assholes who want you to validate their tastes as worthwhile.

This is a hard one, but I can speak to the experience of acquaintances that I only drank or smoked with and talked about bands or something. When I decided I had enough of that I didn't seem them showing up for me.

In that sense, try to be a good friend and keep rocking the table to see if it works. But sometimes it's time to check out other tables, and maybe those friends will follow you, maybe not.

Also, sometimes the best thing you can be is alone for a while to actually develop some interests of your own that don't have to be shared with anyone other than yourself.

>>19691654
Brevity? Check, mate.

Agreed. Boomers keep denying change and the backlash and flail keeps fucking up my day.

Some day I will stop pushing people away.

>>19691722
The french strike because of everything. Hardly noteworthy. Of course, there are broad swaths that still need a car for work and to reach remote places. That is a reality that is impossible to deny. In your calculation you forgot that the usage of cars does not necessarily imply bad public transport infrastructure. In Europe, large sections of the population can essentially live without a car. This is not possible in the US.

But that does not mean you are prohibited from improving infrastructure. The money is already there. The MTA in New York has an insanely inflated budget. I have lived in the US long enough to see that the problem is a fundamental lack of trust in society, which you clearly show. In addition, there is massive amounts of grift and corruption. I am not sure it can be changed but it is worth trying. What is the alternative? Everyone will live in car hells forever? Might as well live in a pod and never leave the house.

Also, the US BIG argument is very silly. Europe is also big and has many, many jurisdictions, levels of wealth, and different administrative domains Yet they ultimately manage to cooperate and build a continent-wide transport and railway system. In the US they can not even manage to connect New Jersey and New York. You do not even need transport across the whole US, but the fact that they even fail to improve their megaregions is embarrassing. It's not like the US never had public infrastructure. The railway system was impressive in the 19th century.

>>19691801
My friends and I are cool. We have plenty else in common and joke around and stuff. Like I said I'm not some elitist, I'm a midwit.

I was just venting about how some people can have literally no desire to try and challenge themselves when it comes to media. I mean I like low brow stuff too, but I at least try and push myself to learn and appreciate something new

>>19691767
You do protest too much, I never said women were blameworthy generally or as a whole, but rather that there's perhaps a genetically encoded function of statistical significance that informs commonly encounterable types of female psychology. That if anyone is to blame it is primitive patriarchy itself, of which women is the principal focus, one might even say creation. So what I'm advocating is actually greater ontological freedom for women from the patriarchy encoded in their very genes in certain instances.

>>19691882
PS: which is the same thing, for example, that Simone de Beauvoir, in her way, advocated for.

>>19691893
PS "For de Beauvoir, freedom comes in the act of trying to be free and accepting that this journey is the freedom. It is the process, not the outcome. This naturally leads to questions of ethics because if I want the freedom of others in pursuing my own freedom, I must have a system to evaluate conflicts. “To be free is not to have the power to do anything you like; it is to be able to surpass the given towards an open future; the existence of others as a freedom defines my situation and is even the condition of my own freedom. I am oppressed if I am thrown into prison, *but not if I am kept from throwing my neighbor into prison*.” This really happened and continues to happen in the case of women, and I'm to assume it hasn't left a genetic mark on the femme moyenne?

>>19691651
Besides the first paragraph that's a great start.

Your own personal harsh critisizm as in many artists can be blessing and curse. You are downplaying your abilities, you have had a very unique life. Ok forget I said that, it seems very different than mine so I'm curious, and you obviously write eloquently aand with various abilities and dynamics, wide range of curioisities, poetic rhythems, melodies, lyricalitys,

I don't know if I like that direct so direct narration, as you just told some of your early life, fascinating, scintilating stuff, I very much enjoyed reading what you wrote,

I just don't know if that would be the great intro to the novel of yours I had in mind, but I guess in such a novel there has to be a narrator speaking to the reader,
Im to tired to think right now

I also understand not wanting to open and poke at wounds of your past, revisit and relive sad or embarrassing situations,

But I was really struck by your listing of girlfriends, and their characteristics, their varieties, their exactnesses, their differences, their grand commonality being you,


I want to hear all about these characters, your harmonies and conflicts with them, what youve learned from them and yourself, where you go from here,

What's the next girlfriend like.

And some of their character traits are so odd and specific, I just think the musicality and changes between you, the consistencies of you and the changes.

Also from your mention if late 80s late 90s I imagine you are in a group of the older members of this board than younger, you have all this experience and wisdom, you felt compelled to respond to an anon and give advice, the novel is an extension of that compulsion, to communicate, To share what you've thought and felt all life, hopefully in a beautiful and captivating and exciting and varioisly styled way,

Just speaking my mind, I felt compelled to read that novel you outlined in those few posts

If you like literature, if you have ever wanted to be a writer, write it. Don't be so hard on yourself to the point of non production, just write write, you have an amazing story there and the rare tools to make it aesthetically captivating

I guess that intro in this post I'm responding to is quite perfect, of you telling how you grew up, it is great actually,
I have just been away from literature for so long expected so much sensation from an art and got so excited at the prospect of your story, that when I read that intro to you r life Was this is amazing and complex on many levels and enjoyable and fascinating But the Ideal excitement made me expect impossible sensations from a literature , so after recalibrating as I first said that intro is serendipitously perfect. I did have thought that it was so well written there's a chance it is the intro to this story you have tried to write Before and copy pasted

It is so hard to stand out in literature, everyone uses the same little black letters, love you bro

it's called /lit/ not /writ/

>>19691758
Their games and movies are pleasurable, in their free time they want pleasurable experiences, what can your books do for them, in what tangible ways are they better or more worthy experiences than their games

>>19688072
Based

>>19685114
Been looking at 4CHAN by accident and it is scaring me, why are all these people talking as if everyone asked for their "take"? Can someone explain the 4chan mentality for me? To me it feels like people walking out of their house, and with nobody around, declaring "You know, there are two sides to this whole COVID situation"

Who the fuck are they talking to? If it's a small group of friends/family who are likely to see it, why speak so abstractly, as if you're up on a stage

Is everybody trying to "act like a person up on a stage" until someone gives them one?

>>19692008
It's serotonic hedonism (resulting from a desire to counter anhedonia) by means other than porn: this cacophony is the result.

>>19686611
Yeah man my past life happened in modernist decadent St Petersburg and I was an absolute gay degenerate probably

>>19686611
Unprovable illusions, like believing you're a women inside

>>19692020
>St Petersburg
>absolute gay degenerate
checks out

I go to gay clubs and pretend to be gay for attention/affection/free drinks. Gay community isn't even that big in my city so I feel like sooner or later it's gonna bite me in the ass like in an episode of Seinfeld.

>>19687132
Try with little things that you enjoy or used to enjoy, prefferably if they are somewhat useful (some physical activity, intellectual, artistic etc. - as opposed to playing game, which does have it's merits, but not on it's own IMO).

Make a firm decision to continue to do this thing you chose, because presumably you enjoy it since you chose it, and focus on the work you're doing. And after work, take some time to treat yourself, rest a bit, or take a walk, whichever you prefer, depending on what you just did.

I wonder a lot about what my life could have been like if mental illness didn't ruin it 8 years ago.

>>19692173
It would have been different, but surely you must have learned something worth telling.

>>19692178
All I can really tell you is that innate properties of material things do not exist, and what you consider their substance and quality is a result of the way your brain perceives them. When I was about 12, I used to look at pictures of mountains and sunsets and feel emotions stir inside, which I associated with the mountains and sunsets themselves. But that's just a chemical reaction inside you. When it goes away, and the mountains and sunsets remain, motionless, mute, producing no reaction, you realize innate properties don't exist and everything you believe is a condition of how you experience the world.

i thought tonight would be good time for an all nighter for some reason but its only 5 and im already struggling so i may have to just take the L and sleep in super late tomorrow and try again

Once I heal my broken horribly wounded traumatised heart it's over for you bitches...

>>19692215
Right, such solipsism might not be that uncommon a perception, but if I had to wager on the matter, I would say that mind escapes its "sensorial cage" by a sort of leap and that it might be just as probable that mind is at most times a conjunction of other minds, not by indirect supposition or speculative assumption, but by actual and direct conjunction, and that it is this latter "fact" that lies at the heart of the human and wider animalian condition, and not the opposite solipsism.

The world is all that is the case.
The world is the totality of facts, not of things.
The world is determined by the facts, and by their being all the facts.
For the totality of facts determines what is the case, and therefore what is not the case.
The facts in logical space are the world.
The world divides into facts.

Every time I start to struggle with some cognitive task I'm reminded of regrets of not trying hard enough to go to Oxford. The new regret that's piled on top is that I dropped out of the last stage of the interview process to become an accelerator physicist - I'm studying later in life than most and simply cannot move my family from their lives. I don't regret choosing family, but I constantly think about how that might have been my last chance to be an actual physicist.

>>19692248
Okay Pete Wentz

>>19692248
Those prostitutes will get what's coming to them (hundreds of desperate trauma-dollars).

>>19692388
If it's any consolation it probably would've been a lot more tedious and less fulfilling than you imagine

>>19692424
True. Maybe it's best to have your dream never fulfilled than have it fulfilled and it fall flat. I definitely need to find some way to cope with all the regret through.

I’m just really disappointed in how my life turned out

>>19692453
same here

My brain is hard coded for failure. I'm trapped within the limitations of my slow brain and I'm always several steps behind because of it

>>19684830
People need to stop going to thee CDC for info about covid. THE CDC IS AN ORGAN OF CAPITAL. It's primary interest IS GETTING PEOPLE BACK TO WORK in the interest of CORPORATE PROFITS , not the promotion of public health.

I'm having sugar in my coffee again. tell me this is not a ray of sunshine breaking through. God damn is this good. I could be a lot unhappier. I told my doctor the truth, largely. I didn't tell her that God talks to me. I didn't think she'd understand. It's obviously possible I've gone mad, although I really very genuinely don't think so. If I have then I am free of responsibility either way, madmen are not responsible. But I don't think so. She was very nice. We talked over the phone because she's preggers and couldn't risk rona. She told me "it's because of this damn pandemic" and I kinda laughed and said "I thought you were gonna say 'It's because of this damn kid'" and she said "Well, not yet" and laughed. I liked her.

>>19692494
>It's
Its* ftfy

>>19692499
> God talks to me
What does he say to you? I have some unwanted experiences of spiritual beings talking to me

>>19692552
I make a lot of supplications. Sometimes, not often at all, I understand intuitively that these are answered, that I am assured in such and such a way. This means for instance that I believe I'm upon a kind of a promise from Him, if I fulfill my part in an agreement. Although, I've realized that He's gonna love me either way. The whole point of mankind is that we fuck up, I think. But that's been a really nice lesson, realizing that I don't do this in order that He loves me, because He does either way, I don't have to worry about that. I do do, God willing, out of love for Him. This feels like a very healthy lesson in love. There are some small things like this. Also some dreams I think may have been true, possible mildly prophetic, that are influencing my behavior somewhat. But mostly it's like... Like once I... my life is kind of fucked up, and I know a similar story, and so I prayed "God, prove to them who You are, prove that You can turn this around" and I felt this stabbing of awe and joy in my heart and I knew this meant "I will".

Its hard to believe the things a person is willing to do for an expensive car.
Some guys out there, about 30 or so, decided kidnapping people, torturing them and holding them for ransom was a great way to achieve that goal. The cruelty of their acts is undescribable, it effectively destroyed any notion of a just and fair god, because there is no way God could sit and watch as a little girl gets her ears and fingers sliced off in order to send them to her family.
They buy houses, cars, expensive watches with that money. That's what they live snd kill for, the adoration of material possessions, the insane love of money.
Did capitalism do this?

>>19692587
>Did capitalism do this?
No lol

>>19692587
Colonialism more than likely

>>19692570
> This means for instance that I believe I'm upon a kind of a promise from Him, if I fulfill my part in an agreement.
This sounds legit in my opinion, I think it applies to all of us, you must do God's will if you want salvation. For example John 6:40, “And this is the will of
him that sent me, that every one which SEETH THE SON, and BELIEVETH
ON HIM, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.” God ask us to believe in him.

If you are in grace of God please take care of your language, for example when you wrote "God damn"

What I believe will happen the moment I die is that, from my perspective, time will speed up into the heat death of the universe and everything will "die" with me.
Everything happened before I was born, everything will happen after Im dead.
From my perspective everything will cease to exist, I will be free, but everyone else will continue to toil and suffer below a sky that weeps for no one in particular.

I really regret ever taking this job.

I used to be very, very afraid of death. The idea of no longer existing, no longer being able to think was terrifying, unimaginable.
Everytime Im wracked by regret, desire and wanting, fear of losing everything or anxiety the only remedy is to stop thinking, to silence the voice in my head. And it is scary, letting go of pornographic thoughts and grim visualizations of my own torturous death is scary. I try to hang onto to them a little more, even if it hurts me, but it the end, once all these things go quiet I can feel peace
Ceasing to exist doesn't sound that bad to me anymore.

Where's the archive for /lit/?

To have = To lose

When I am not killing my mind with alcohol, porn or entertainment my mind oscillates between afraid and deeply saddened.
Sometimes I feel fire.

Spinoza is the man

>>19684843
If you stop caring you'll have nothing

I have been banned for hate speech, but no one gets banned for promoting pornography. You are banned if you are not following the course of the culture. A culture where abortion is supposed to be a sacrament, sodomy is a virtue, and pornography is free speech

Can a translated poetry affect you in the same way as reading it in native?

>>19692896
Based.
Imagine /v/ and /a/ without porn.
Imagine /a/ and /v/ without /pol/ either.
It's hard to imagine.

>>19684830
boobs

>>19692901
A question that can't be objectively answered, though those who believe in miracles might say yes.

>>19692901
I know of a poem that is better translated. from english to swedish.

I definitely come off as low energy. In reality, I’m just extremely depressed and have a hard time expressing interest in things I have no interest in. The problem obviously is that there are few things I’m interested in.

I have absolutely no idea what to do with my career.

>>19692938
Okay

>>19692938
Dicks and ass

we must have had really, really different lives by now. I doubt, very sincerely, that we share much of a culture even. And? I don't know. I'm not really a grown-up, I'm sure you are by now. Sort of, anyways, I'm sure you're fucked. Aren't most grown-ups just grown-overs? Grown over by unresolved shit, "strong" because you keep going, solve an emotional trauma once in a while and become self-assured, look down fondly on those younger and more and less fucked than you. Be wisened in something. I'm nothing like this. I bet you are now. Boring. I bet you care about what wine you drink. Anyone would, but there's caring and there's caring. I bet you're with a man with a hobby. I bet the best of you will come out when you're parents. I bet it won't nearly be enough. I bet you'll unwind by drinking. Grown-ups. Going along. Maybe that's the real irony, that a grown-up is a person who has developed a surety in a form of independence and identity, and that identity is really just going along. Am I jealous? I don't think so. I'm just sad I lost you like this. Would I have to find the child in you for you? I probably would, too. I bet you've started dying. It's gonna be a long 40-50 years.

>>19692896
>claims to be pro-life
>dies anyway

>>19693284
Okay

>>19691767
based

>>19684830
still unvaxxed

Expand a vocabulary requires accepting how little one truly knows of a word. We deliver them on the beats, in the context, for the audience, but we do not often know why or what.

For example: visceral. It's common to associate an external physicality. A vivid manifestation. A bladed weapon slashing longitudinally. But this feeling is internal. It is felt in the gut, the viscera. It also can be of the viscera. In abstract, an innate, subconscious, or primal response.

Are you auditing your diction, anons?

What unfortunate, abhorrent string of random events will this abominable day bring with it? Who will be the unlucky beings chose by a blind fate to suffer through them?
Is it my turn to experience the worst day of my life?

drinking beer

>>19693900
me in 3 hours

>>19693908
you should drink 6 liters in 3 hours

another glass for my /lit/ bros

>>19692880

>>19686611

>>19693963
cheers

>>19694454
>>19694454
>>19694454