/lit/ - Literature

I wrote this
>https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTYXTCND_nQbbRQ5KttQ4ZJ-Jf3E_Z7c40alH8utYtRJO-RrYk07tn-0HEM7-fCtsDBpL6Z9LEU0TtX/pub

It's still just a draft. Full project is expected to get so much bigger
We have plans to turn it into a webcomic series once we are done with our current one

feedback on my first poem?

How do I learn to write creatively?

>>19300952
Be attuned to your soul?

>>19300952
There are countless vids and articles about that.

>>19300936
Uh, I'm not mad on poetry but seems aight. It's not really surprising anymore to see so much stuff on this website, on any board, dedicated to local feelings, relationships and women.
I challenge you to write something happy.
>on another note
Any UKfags doing the 50k challenge this November? Is their a UK equivalent? I want to use it as inspiration but if I'm not US based, can I even upload to their site?
I've had a future prediction/dystopian idea with loads of notes for a few years now, would be nice to try and piece something together. I've written short eroticas before that people have enjoyed, and frequently write short stories for entertainment for my online friends, so a novel can't be that hard... I'm 27 and I need to put some form of artistic expression out there, just once.

>>19300936
I suggest you read more poetry. There is a lot going on that doesn't make sense, and the punny title isn't doing it for me. The cat thing wasn't adding up for me and the symbolism of the shoulder was the best part. You could honestly drop the first two stanzas and it wouldn't change the poem's meaning much; I thought they were unnecessary. If you want to write free verse, please pick up Ezra Pound, H.D., T.S. Eliot, William Carlos Williams, and Ted Hughes.
>pic rel is my novel's ending

>>19301021
Well, where do I start?

>>19301050
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC3NjSdlB9o

>>19301050
Common sense.

>>19301028
>I challenge you to write something happy.
but I'm not happy right now, these were my thoughts and feelings when i wrote it. I've written happy things in the past but the reality is that pain is a powerful feeling that tends to spur people creatively. today I was spurred to write a poem. maybe tomorrow happiness will spur me. probably not, but maybe

>>19300752
https://pastebin.com/0dVLWQzq
Description: fantasy story of a mercenary group contracted to kill of a once powerful lord. There are no grand epic battles to this story. I'm posting here in the technical aspects of the story such as word choice and grammar. All other critiques are welcome to. Yes I know it's fantasy I don't go in the direction of litrpg.

>>19301076
>A Breeze
closed

At last, the moon appears, a grey bowling ball behind the bleak mesh of the fogged up window.
Two spheres, facing one another. The gap they fill, the miles dark and secret as a talisman, becomes overwhelming.
Past the still frame, the space-pod slides down a cosmic inch, and fits its landing threads into the surface. The gliding of moon-stone as it fastens its feet is a quiet destruction, with mobs of the pale stuff plunging silently outward. Astronaut X feels something stinging in his insides. Astronaut Y feels heavy, native, serpentine, the way he erects himself immediately at the gate; the unconscious bravery of the sight makes X want to puke.

>>19301044
>the punny title isn't doing it for me
yeah I had accidentally made the r lower case and then decided to change the e. i agree its corny
what doesn't make sense? the cat idea was taking from thus spoke zarathustra, where he says that a virtue is like a man's pet, that he should get pleasure from playing with it
thanks for the recs. I don't read much poetry at all, when i started writing this i didn't plan on it being a poem, it just turned into one and I went back to make everything conform to the rhymescheme

Why start a new thread nobody ever writes anyway and even if they did it would not w be anything good so they can all go to heck you Mary virgin raping niggers

>>19301185
>nobody ever writes

I just published a short story literally minutes ago.

>>19301213
You must be a newperson, because he says it every thread since probably April.

>>19301185
So here's the story ideas I'm considering writing right now:
>Celtic fantasy story about an exile from his clan and a kung fu nun. I wrote about 10k words of this last NaNo.
>Byzaboo Star Warsian space opera about a knight and his new partner. They solve crime. I wrote maybe 2k words last NaNo.
>Progression fantasy story about renaissance themed craftsmen/assassins/ninja in a post-post apocalypse genepunk setting.
>Celtic progression fantasy story about King Arthur

>>19301219
Pretty new, yeah. I guess the racism should have been a big indicator of autism.

>>19301238
Oh to be a 4chan virgin again.

>>19301276
Oh I've been on 4chan a good twelve years. I meant only this thread.

>>19301223
You need more trans niggers

/wg/ meetup when

>>19301321
No. In fact, they don't exist in anything I will ever write.

>>19301328
Never since no one here writes.

>>19301328
Now. Wya bro? We're workshopping rn

>>19301319
Why did you pick up writing so late in the 4chan game? Did you think you'd learn the tips and tricks of the trade here? That's what MFAs and volunteering at journals is for.

>>19301356
I didn't. I used to write creepypasta on /x/ back in 2009. Then I wrote fanfiction on /co/ for a couple years. Learned to draw, and have been making comics for awhile. Then I decided to start writing prose again, and am now publishing. I thought I'd check out /lit/ because I'm taking it more seriously now.

>NaNoWriMo starts next week
Going to try to bite the bullet and writing a novel I've been putting off for years, anyone else have any experience with Nano? The pace seems pretty grueling, but having some structure makes me think I'll finally be able to get over my fear.

>>19301412
I tried it last year but life got in the way. I wrote maybe a few chapters but it was shit and I lost it. It's a good experience, but don't get distracted by other people and merely talk about it. Too many people waste time socialising during November rather than actually write anything.

Sold another book for $20, my first etransfer!

>>19301412
>>19301433
1667 words a day. Any time spent talking to someone about it is time you could be writing it instead.

>>19301433
seconding this. I did it a few years ago and go 40k into a draft. It was a good experiece. I might go back and try to finish it one day.

I will also give it a go this year.

>>19301352
I'm always around bro

what if I don't like reading books? or "real" literature at least

>>19301533
Then you can write a diary about all your uninteresting and cringey insights devoid of meaning and layers.

>>19301544
well that's pretty accurate

>>19301533
Write isekai

>>19301185
I wrote something last thread.
>>19298055
>>19298127
>>19298181

How do I stop being easily influenced by the latest piece of media I consumed? My plots and characters swing around wildly depending on what I was doing that day.

>>19301715
You haven't developed a style yet.
Write them and write again after you finished that character.

>>19301621
I'm not interested in fantasy though...

>>19301533
I question your desire to want to write then. If you have no interest in reading what others have written, why do you want to write?

>>19301750
But I've been writing on and off for years and my style is a total mess, even within the same story.

>>19301761
I like reading. It's just that the stuff that I read isn't exactly what you'd call "real literature"

>>19301715
I have this issue too, the best advice I can give is to not hyper-fixate on one genre or piece of media and instead go through so much stuff so quickly that you begin to instinctively know what parts of what you consumed you enjoyed and how to blend it into your own style

>>19301715
According to Stephen King's "On writing", that's a perfectly natural part of the process. First you copy stuff, then you imitate multiple things, then you finally find your own voice.

>>19301779
Write consistently. Literally every day. I look at my current story every day, even if I don't add much to it. I take notes on characters, plot and where I would like things to develop.

I've had a similar thing happen where I tend to forget what I write earlier in the story and then completely contradict those details later on, either by changing styles or just writing inconsistent shit.

Consistency is key, as cliche as that is. That's what my dad always tells me: write every day.

>>19301800
>Stephen King
Opinion discarded

>>19301828
His opinions are more valid than anyone's in these threads. I'll gladly take advice from a successful writer.

>>19301808
>muh hustle culture work work work
Fuck off.
You need time to rest and reflect on your actions.

Write/study for 15 mins. Take a break for an hour.
Write for a day. Think for 3 days.

Avoid burn outs. It would take you months of depression to recover from a burn out

>>19301828
Don't be a retard, anon.

>>19301845
That's the right attitude. Right now my schedule is to write a couple hundred words, then rest for maybe a month or two.

>>19301862
There's rest and there's just lazy.

I don't write for months because I use it to study but I never lose sight of my world. It's always repeating and improving in my head.

I pray you are as well

>>19301828
Based, doesn't matter if he's "successful" because I think he's shit

>>19301790
I don't really understand how you measure that. I wouldn't worry about it? Who cares?

>>19301845
Writers need time off to hear the stories call to them

I'm too depressed to write anymore. My inner monologue is gone, my thoughts are dull and stupid, my IQ's dropped by fifty points, I feel absolutely no emotions, I want to sleep all the time but can't sleep when I do, and I've basically checked out of this world. Feels like I've lost myself for good this time.

>>19302212
Aren't you inspired at all by the other anons here who have gone to great length to finish and publish a book?

You can do it, get that fire back into your life man. We're here to read what you got.

>>19302212
Stop masturbating

>>19302230
I'm working on my novel, yeah, but like I said my inner monologue is gone and I've stopped feeling. My imagination is barely working. I can't concentrate on anything. Reading comprehension and short-term memory both in the shitter. I'm slow and tired and empty. How the fuck can I write in this condition? This isn't muse depression, it's NPC depression. It's the antithesis of creativity and life.

>>19302231
Doesn't make a difference. I've tried nofap, losing weight, gaining weight, lifting, vegetarianism, drugs, sobriety, everything. Nothing's helped. I got my mojo back randomly for like three months last year but then for no reason it died again. God doesn't want me to write my novel.

>>19300752
What's up goobers. I wanted to write something as simple and cute, but more simple than cute; something warm and impersonal all at once. Nothing that feels like too much. Tear it to shreds, preferably sentence by sentence.

A man walks into a pet store. The sun has almost set. The store is almost empty. He greets the store clerk. He says that he's interested in buying an animal. She asks him which kind. He says he wants a fish. She makes sure to tell him not to feed the fish too much, not to feed the fish to anything else, and not to put two fish in the same tank together. Especially not if they're males, she says. He makes sure to nod after every sentence. He wants her to know she doesn't have to worry about the fish. He thinks she notices him nodding. Now that she's finished talking, he has to pick out a fish. He walks over to the tank just down the stairs.
She checks something on the computer at the desk. After a minute, she looks over. She sees him gazing into the tank. The pet store is dark and she sees refracted blue light from ripple over him. The light swells and falls, moving across his face like water. Different parts of his face will fall into the light. The shadows around his cheeks are deep and black. He's still looking over top of the glass. She wonders which fish he'll pick. He's wondering the same thing. After another second, he walks back over to her. He apologizes, saying that it's silly, but that he can't decide which fish he wants. She nods. He asks her whether she can help him pick one out. She says that she can. They walk over to the fish tank. He walks ahead of her. They arrive and both turn towards the fish tank. They stand side by side. They're almost the same height. He remembers the last time he measured himself. He guesses that he's three inches taller. He asks how she knows about pets. She says that it's her job. He nods, and then pauses. He looks back down at the fish. He asks how to tell a good fish from a bad fish. She smiles. She says that she can tell. He thinks that it might be hard to explain, but now she's pointing towards a fish. She's saying that that one there is a good one. He looks at the fish. He tries to commit the fish to memory. She asks him if he understands. He turns his head towards her and half nods. She nods back, as if satisfied. He asks about a couple of other fishes. She points out the ones that she likes, and what she likes about them. She says she still likes that first one though. He nods each time speaks. He says he'll think on it. She believes him. She asks whether he's thought of accessories. He shakes his head and says he hasn't.

>>19302374
>moving across his face like water
that sucks because the refraction of the light is caused by water
besides that it's readable but boring because it seems like you're gonna get to the point in the next sentence but there is no point.

>>19302212
Keep putting words on the page anyway. The habit is far more difficult to get back than the motivation.

>>19302374
Your story isn't interesting enough to justify your weird stylistic choice.

>>19300952
By sucking a lot of dick man

>>19301328
I would meetup with you bitches but I live in Paris

>>19301800
>First you copy stuff, then you imitate multiple things
Yeah, that's King alright

>>19301715
Be aware that when you're writing something you're going to think it is a direct copy of literally anything you read. This is why it helps to read a lot and to read a wide variety of things. People look for patterns and sometimes those patterns aren't real.

Hey guys, this is a script for a movie, so not truly literature, but what do you guys think?

How does it read?

>>19302374
I'm guessing you read Tao Lin, anon?

>>19302451
>40's
dropped.

>>19302451
Damn, this porn is slow to get to the fucking and sucking.
Also too melodramatic, I need more context on this dumb broad and her slutty little daughter.

>>19302466
Its the very first scene of the movie. Here is another.

>>19302451
What kind of person is Patricia?

>>19302488
Well, I'd honestly post the entire script I have, but I fear of people taking ideas.

Shes a mother who, in the death of her husband, found god and became very devout. It's the biggest thing in her life. She is so religious that it even blinds her of the acts happening before her very eyes. She is still grieving for her husband as well, never truly moving past it.

>>19302457
>Tao Lin
Nah. I was working on a series of essays for college was getting lost in academic jargon and complex sentences. I did this as an exercise. I wanted to write simply. If that's what buddy's writing is like though I'll give it a shot. It was mad calming to do.

>>19302434
Explain weirdness; good, bad, pseud etc?

>>19302404
Agreed, shitty "like"

>>19301715
Just be influenced b. Keep writing.

>>19301790
then don't write real literature, write what you like to read.

>>19302506
The repeated short sentences. It's jarring to read so when the plot doesn't go anywhere it becomes an excuse to stop reading.

>>19302506
>then don't write real literature, write what you like to read
huh. you're actually right. I've been so hung up on trying not to make my writing look cringy that I forgot it doesn't really matter if it doesn't read like some 10000 IQ person wrote it

>>19302291
Do you need a fellow creative to talk to? I'm available!

>>19302532
Some of the most popular works today could be considered cringy and poorly written. The truth is that most people don't really care about the literary or intellectual merits of what they're reading and just want to enjoy themselves.

>The old world was forged by flesh and muscle under the sun, by the strength and sweat of slaves.

>Our new world is being written on a 14 inch screen in one room apartments from the fingers of interns on SSRIs.

Thoughts? Just a little prose I made as the melatonin kicks in.

>>19303308
Dumb and gay and I'm going to kill you

>>19301185
Just go away, putz. You're not contributing anything valuable to this conversation.

>>19301883
stupid success-hating dangerhair

>>19303366
Mission accomplished

I've been reading fanfiction for decades and somehow the average work keeps getting worse with each year.

Zoomers can't into long-form at all, its all a pile of bite sized sentences strung together haphazardly

>>19303533
i guess now you have people writing that stuff that grew up reading it and barely even know what a real book looks like. so the standards can only ever go down.

it's the same with genre fiction in general, yesterday's bottom of the barrel is today's unreachable ambition. in the 90s video game devs were doing bad impressions of fantasy writers, today's fantasy writers are doing a bad impression of what it's like to play skyrim.

any better? I won't do this shit all the time I promise.
>The boy woke up in a pile of ashes. The sky was as the ash around him, a diminishing grey that caused him to blink away the dust surrounding him, as if he had been buried here for quite some time. Around him lay bare nothingness; the only stirr that moved was the tentative movements to sit up slowly and finally rise. His legs were numbing cold, but with a bit of movement they began to gravitate toward warmth, but not without stiffness. His voice was dry and would no doubt choke if he tried to use it, if anything to break the soundless place he found himself in. Then there was a soft strumming. A man with a guitar, in the distance.

>>19302436
This. You know the cliche of needing to “live life” before writing? That’s code for dick sucking.

>>19303613
>a pile of ashes
Is this how you say it? Sounds to me like 'a puddle of waters', but I'm not a native.
>His voice was dry and would no doubt choke if he tried to use it, if anything to break the soundless place he found himself in.
I don't get this sentence.

>>19301845
Yeah, you need breaks to look at your work with fresh eyes

>>19300752
I JUST WANT TO WRITE! WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING HARD?

>>19303796
Because you're browsing 4channel. Close your browser and write.

>>19303796
the hardest thing is starting imhotbhfam

>>19303778
Ah, I guess I just say pile to emphasize that he is in a pile or mound of ashes rather than just ash. Because if I just say ash the reader could envision ash in a shallow term and not the nearly engulfing way I mean here.

Second sentence is just trying to translate that he wants to speak to break the silence but his voice won't let him.

>>19301834
This general is a joke. A dozen books pasted in the OP and the only book ever quoted by you people is Stephen King's because he's rich. If nobody is going to read the Op books, why not just drop the pretense and stop posting them? Or at least go read some fucking Lajos Egri.

>>19303857
I keep telling people to read the books in OP like Story Genius, and then another anon asks
>how do I make a story
>how do I create?
It's more simple than you think. You need to ask questions and answer them. We're so full of ideas you just need one thread to crystallize onto.

>>19303857
Stephen King writes. You don't. Until you accept this and start writing, you will always be a seething mess.

>>19303912
another anon here, I originally made the pastebin and it has come to my attention that the link for the Ursula K Le Guin pdf is broken. Don't know why, the host probably disabled direct access to save bandwidth. Hopefully the other links have been useful

>>19302291
>my inner monologue is gone and I've stopped feeling
how you liking the vaxx, goy? no refunds

>>19303936
I have no trouble writing, which is why I don't come here for advice from King readers. God, I miss /crit/.

>>19304003
You miss a circlejerk where you could fantasize about writing rather than deal with people who do.
Repent.

>>19302427
Not him, but when I try to do that I can't come up with anything and end up copying and pasting to simply get some words on the page. If I don't, I end up looking at a blank page, and I don't like that so I end up copying and pasting to simply get some words on the page.

For years now I’ve toyed with the idea of writing a book about the lives of a group of monsters living in one neighborhood and how they help each other out to hide their murders and occasionally combat bigger threats (alien invasion, unruly ghosts, monster slayers) the problem is that I’m not sure I can make unrepentant murderers likable. I remember bringing up the idea in a writing group and the moment I mentioned the witch needing to sacrifice children most of the group noped out.

>>19304348
>I’m not sure I can make unrepentant murderers likable
why do they need to be likeable, necessarily? wouldn't the whole point of the novel be showing that they are, in fact, monsters. the way I'd suggest doing it is you hide what they are from the reader at the beginning. follow the most nonegregious one at the start. say the werewolf. make sort of roundabout comments alluding to being a werewolf, make the reader sympathize, and then when the transformation happens make it truly monstrous. and then after show no regret. then you can start filling in some of the stuff you've been glossing over. like your child sacrificing witch is a kindergarden teacher or something that gets more and more sinister the more you see her. the vampire has a night shift job - or hell, works at a bloodbank - which is initially used to fool the reader into thinking the vampire is trying to not be a monster. but of course the vampire likes attacking people. its a vampire.

I know a recent trend - promoted by sodomites and evildoers of all kinds - is subverting the conventional monster tropes in order to try and humanize them. But you should subvert it right back. They're monsters, that's what they are.

>>19304380
I came up with the idea while watching the movie Fight Night (not the remake). I liked the idea of opening with a twist on that movie. Focus on the Witch character but just present her as a normal woman. New guy moves in to the neighborhood. Some disappearances occur (including one of her coworkers). She becomes suspicious the neighbor is involved and is supernatural. She breaks into his home and OH NOES HE’S A VAMPIRE! She proceeds to kick his ass, revealing she’s a witch, and while she’s thrilled to have another creature of the night around she doesn’t like how he’s killing so many so quickly which could make things difficult for her.

>>19304409
I like it. I suppose she likes having him around because she can use his blood for rituals, and manages to enslave/pacifies him so he can't harm her. The main thing you'd to flesh out is what her new goals are once she discovers the vampire. I assume before then she was just keeping herself secret, living day to day. You could have a lot of fun with the juxtapositions creating awkward situations when her normal life and her other life come into conflict with each other.

>>19301050
It's advised that you start with short stories. Don't worry too much about prose style or symbolism, just try to depict a series of events in clear, precise language. Your goal should be to cultivate a certain emotion. A good guiding principle for subject matter: you should seek to give a personal feeling universal appeal, or you should seek to give a universal feeling personal appeal. You'll find that this is a common theme in almost every successful work of fiction. 1984, for instance, took society's looming fear of increasing government power and personalized it in the form of Winston Smith, who serves as a reader surrogate to experience the actual personal consequences of the society Orwell has envisioned. Michael Crichton, on the other hand, had a profound personal interest in technological development, and was able to communicate his personal concerns about technology in a way that everyone could understand.

Once you've written a story, give it a week to rest without looking at it, and then come back and revise it. Giving it time to rest will give you "fresh eyes" and when you go back to look at it again, grammatical errors and unclear prose will be more apparent and you can fix these issues. You can repeat this process as many times as you like, and then come post it here and get some feedback.

Interpreting feedback is a skill in and of itself, but basically the reader is almost always right in identifying issues but usually wrong in suggesting corrections. When they say your story isn't scary (or sad or whatever), they are correct. If they say it isn't scary because it's lacking such-and-such a feature or aspect, they are usually wrong.

Hope this helps.

>>19302291
same. the only thing keeping my will in tact is the spite that makes me not sleep all day. I have to do something and this is it. It doesn't make me do well, or even do that much, but I keep fighting because I know that if this wears off like it has occasionally in the past, I'll be sitting in a well state wishing I had kept going even when nothing was there. I fight for the whole me that might possibly exist.

>>19303969
I didn't get the vax, though.

>>19305067
based and pureblood
jabbies seething

>>19305067
Same here!

>started a cyberpunk novel a few months ago for fun
>half of the concepts i wrote down for it have become reality in the meantime

What the fuck do i do now

>>19305427
write about me getting a gf

>>19301845
>muh ponderous and reflective lifestyle of a tortured genius writer

It works for me. It's momentum... helps me fight inertia. I take a break when I finish a story or a particularly stressful section. This guy gets it >>19302427


>>19301910
between stories, yes

>>19302451
Gonna be honest, the dialogue seems cliche and... yeah, i'd say melodramatic.

>>19302451
Dialogue is stilted a bit.
Also "it's" and capitalize the G in God. It's good to write it the way the character would in this case.
I think there needs to be more than a "look of anger" to make the mom cry. How does she know she was angry because she was reading the Bible? Unless this is addressed elsewhere, this probably needs a more rooted demonstration of the anger, like the daughter saying something negative instead of giving a "look."
I think it has potential, keep going!

>>19305462
Im with you. Writing regularly is the best and where I make progress, but my discipline still sucks. I would blame it on waging but I can't. Plenty of authors are still lawyers, marketers, and scientists.

>>19305438
THIS
WHEN DOES ME BEING AN AUTHORCHAD GET ME A TRADGOTH BIGG TIDDY TEEN GF

>>19300752
What does /lit/ think of the first page of my 2000 page novel.

>>19301834
>>19301857
Harold Bloom is spinning in his grave.

>>19305618
A masterpiece

>>19305652
Page 2

>>19305652
Page 3

>>19305618
>>19305760
>>19305778
Average American /lit/

>>19302230
>Aren't you inspired at all by the other anons here who have gone to great length to finish and publish a book?
Not him, but I feel jealous and emasculated when I see that.

>>19305778
This one's kind of less good, a bit high-schoolish-spit-words-on-a-page-y. Needs editing mainly, but there are some promising ideas.

>>19305973
Feel inspired man

>release my work for free
>literally spend most of my free time creating entertainment for others for free
>five hours of my work result in five minutes of someone consuming it
>the vast majority of the feedback is negative and insults
>not even constructive criticism just straight up disparaging

>>19305973
Don't be. We all have to struggle for the first story, it's not like we just blazed right to the end. Same with a lot of authors, the time it took before most authors finished their first published book isnt there.

>>19306010
Life owes you nothing, mate.
Get used to it.

No one cares how hard you worked, life only cares about the quality and how it benefits them

>>19305977
I agree, usually I just spew autism on the page and go back to edit it later. Sometimes the fonts makes the formatting unusual so I've been changing the sizes of said fonts to make them compatible.

>>19306010
5 minutes of time for 100 people is more than your 5 hours of labor. it's you who is asking something of the readers.

>>19306028
>it's not like we just blazed right to the end
It isn't?

how do you get people to leave feedback on royalroad?

>>19300752
there are a whole bunch of books in the OP about how to write, but tell me 3 max that I should prioritize

>>19305979
How am I supposed to feel inspired? I've been slaving away for over half a decade at this point, man.

>>19306113
Post something absolutely putrid that it makes them rage
Like, say, your godawful political opinion and god does not exist

What do y’all think of illustrations in novels? Particularly fantasy/sci-fi. Can be anything from full page pictures to little embellishments within the pages or margins themselves.

>>19306010
Share work.

>>19306010
Well if 60 people each spent five minutes reading your work that took five hours, it's already even.

>>19306149
I think they're cool and helps adds to the experience.

>>19305652
Wtf, how did you know?

>>19306212
>Yellow text on white
This was all fun and games until you posted this

Where do you find beta readers?
Has anyone ever gotten an agent?

>>19306256
Fiverr—hit or miss from what I understood, subreddits, webnovel platforms, some discords but some may be swaps, etc

>>19306217
Try and stop me nigger

>>19306113
the most common feedback you will ever get is thanks for the chapter. which is nice to get. the real feedback you get is seeing number of people reading a chapter vs number of people reading the next

>>19306256
I know five people that are voracious readers. Some of them write, some wage, some eccentric and some well-to-do. I'll give them four weeks to look at it next year.

I'm writing something about a girl getting kidnapped and raped, along with her subsequent life with her kidnapper. The first chapter shows her being abducted, but I'm not sure whether to include the rape scene in detail or not. The porn is kind of the point of the story, and I hate the overdone "fade to black" cuts. But at the same time, it might draw out for too long and the plot would get sidelined in the essential first pages. What are my options?

>>19306400
the rape doesn't have to be longer than a paragraph. the important thing to get across is her body's physical pleasure response to the rape and the resulting anger and disgust directed at herself. maybe also at her rapist but mainly at herself.

>>19306400
Chad Russian Literature "..."

>>19306400
have you considered not writing something like that in the first place? who would want to read that story?

>>19306400
How to enrage the entirety of Twitter while also making conservative forums look at you with disgust

LMAO

>>19306400
Save face and delete this post, anon

>>19306395
If I had to write that, I'd get out of the scene as early as possible. Then I'd write the rest of the story as a prompt like "write this scene but through the eyes of a rapist." Don't even talk about what he did, just let the unsettling feelings mount with the reader as it does with the character. You can do his point of view, but also the woman. If you consider Stockholm syndrome, you could make it seem to the reader that her life is normal with him, but continue to drop elements of her life that are bizarre. Eventually it's clear she's been kidnapped and been convinced that is her life now.
Normalization of horrible things is something that we universally share, so I think you've actually got a great topic for a story. You can write this and still be very tasteful, I think.
Also, remember this: love does not heal the wounds of rape. You can have rape victims in a story, but the trope that the pain just fades away isn't realistic. People get trust issues for the rest of their life. You'll have to learn all that yourself, but there are lots of stories out there of rape and kidnap victims. One girl I knew that was abused as a child and developed trust issues. She was a nice special ed teacher, but she had outbursts where she would intimidate her loved ones and try to corner them with logic as if they may have lied. She asked questions constantly.

>>19306560
w-what is this image implying

>>19306630
It's a kidnapped woman, thirsting for freedom and vengeance.

The pale moonlight casts itself over an early Christmas morning, unseen by the young , blind girl jingling her lingerie of bells as she walks over towards her husband. Her lips make a trail up towards his, she cannot see his face, but can certainly feel every bit of him she kisses. The moonlight stings his eyes as he opens them as the sensations of her fur on his face rubs against him, feeling her lips on his and the cold embrace of the bells on her lingerie. Her ears flop down as she kisses him, whispering into his ear ; "Merry Christmas, my love. "

>>19306771
based furry lolicon

wrote this earlier

>>19306822
This made me laugh more than I expected. The juxtaposition of the dresser incident with the grim vision of the future is great. Balloon animal cloud/ocean is dark and imaginative.
I don't know how cohesive the whole story is but it's pretty funny.

>>19306010
How long it took to create is irrelevant.

>>19306010
I wish people writes comments to my stories. They just give me kudos and say nothing. Like my characters and world building aren’t interesting enough to say something and get excited- it’s just okay. At least you get some sort of reaction in people. I get nothing

>>19305427
Write faster.
I had the same problem with my novel.
But I finished it.
>>19218109

>>19306871
*wrote
Fuck I am tired

>>19306852
kek thanks anon, your response means a lot. I really like writing these bizarre short scenarios. I'll probably try and fit them into a larger novel ive been working on

>wrote 500 words to start to replace a weak passage with a strong one
>know what the ending of the passage needs to be and have a strong beginning
>nothing else to fill it out with
>drawing a complete blank despite reading from several cultural sources trying to think of what to have there
>two characters need to have a conversation to become closer to each other, and if possible, that it adds to their characters at the same time, just dont know what they can talk about
>the trash i had there before wasn't any good
>basically the last part of the entire manuscript that needs any heavy editing and thus the final hurdle
at this rate i might have to leave it blank and move on until i figure it out. it's so frustrating

>>19306400
If you're writing rape porn then obviously include the rape. If you're not then don't. A few small details would have the same effect without making your work look like rape porn.

>>19306149
I think they're fine but as a reader I tend to gloss over them. You're fairly safe in SFF but if you write in genres where readers don't expect them then they can make the reader feel like you're not allowing them to use their imagination.

>>19306114
Story Genius
On Becoming A Novelist
Steering the Craft

It doesn't really matter because a lot of the good advice is repeated in just about every writing book ever written. Story Genius is particularly good at getting you to alter your perspective on how fiction works in a way that makes it easier to write. I find John Gardner is very good at writing about how to develop the actual skill of writing.

>>19306987
stop posting anime girls season 2 when

>>19307031
Right after Watamote season 2

>>19307027
>female authors
yeah no thanks

>>19307049
lol, good luck anon

Is this a strong enough hook to start a novel? Or more precisely, a strong enough hook to make you read the next paragraph/page

>Elliot had to pick his way around drip buckets and skirt recessed pools where storm drains were clogged with trash. As deep as he was in the bowels of the city, raindrops could no longer reach him. Between the bridges, signs, power cables, train lines and more interwoven overhead, every inch of sky had been blotted out by the city’s unchecked growth. Raindrops fell on the floors above, where the people of means lived. What trickled down were pouring streams colored by the neon glow of advertisements in the gloom. They gushed from cracks and gutters between the skyscrapers, carrying the echoes of the city.

>>19307118
I like it because i love rain and how it interacts with dense urban structures, which you described well. But maybe the main character could slam his nuts on something to give the opening a bit more impact.

>>19305651
Good. Fuck that faggot.

>>19307118
I mean sure... the setting sounds nice, but it's called the three episode rule for a reason, not the three frame rule. Can't really extrapolate anything from just a few sentences.

>>19307118
Unbelievably comfy. My only suggestion would be to replace the "drip buckets" and "recessed pools" with something that more immediately reflects the unusual setting you're going for. Like something which indicates the sub-level of a city but which is used in an unusual way (because of the requirements of this environment). I don't go to cities often so I can't make any suggestions. What precisely is this going to be? Like a more survival-oriented Concrete Island?

>>19307031
The manga sells well so hold out hope. always cutepost

>>19307223
>>19307118
Ball slamming is a must, that'll really get the juices flowing.

>>19300752
Do you guys mind if I post something I was going to scrap? There's a limit to how good I can make this thing right now, and I think I've hit it. But I feel like people can give me advice if I post it here.

I've learned a lot about the mechanics of storytelling, plotting, characters and all that stuff, but does anyone have resources for the more "artsy" side of writing? Things like word choice, sentence structure, the things that make someone's writing their own.

I almost want to rewrite everything I've done at this point but considering thats going to be a part of the editing process anyway I really shouldn't jump the gun.

>>19307322
Kinda cheap to open with one though. I typically save them for the climax, like in my latest novella, "Teenage Prom Night"
>Dexter had finished scrubbing the spilled punch from Tricia's corsage and rushed out of the bathroom, but she wasn't waiting anymore. He looked around: she wasn't by the punch bowl, not by the DJ's station, not sitting in the bleachers. The dance floor was clear, not a soul in sight. But wait! Over by the door: Trent Peterson was leading her away in a gaggle of high-fiving jocks and giggling cheerleaders! Tricia was smiling her shy smile, her braces glittering in the low lights of the gym. Everyone knew Trent was a pump-and-dumper, but in the magic of the evening Tricia must have allowed his smooth talk to convince her that she was special to him.
>What could Dexter do? Make a scene? He would only embarrass himself, might even get beat up. He just had to watch them leave and wait for Monday morning, when Tricia would be standing at the locker next to his, giggling with her friends, asking if Trent had looked at her when he walked by. Dexter clenched his fists in rage: it was so unfair! Trent didn't know her like Dexter did. He had no idea that she used to play clarinet and hoped to own a horse one day. She would never lover her like Dexter did.
>His pulse quickened. His fingertips began to tremble with the numbness of adrenaline. His feet seemed to be moving on their own, carrying him to the DJ's table. The terrified DJ scrambled out of his way as Dexter seized the PA.
>He understood now what was happening. It was just like the black janitor had said, after that fateful last dance session wherein Dexter had screamed that he was hopeless, that he would never be able to dance good enough to impress Tricia.
>"When the time comes, the dance will move you. You just gotta get out of it's way."
>Dexter slammed his mixtape into the cassette player and strolled boldly on to the dance floor. All eyes were on him as he began to shake his shoulders in time with the electro-synth beat now pumping from the speakers. First it was curiosity that he saw in the watching faces, and then approval as he bust out with a series of finger-points. And just as that move began to get stale, he span around and into a never-ending disco spin.
>Excited "Oohhss" and "Ahhhhsss" began to drift from the entranced crowd as Dexter picked up speed with each rotation. Could a human survive these speeds? Surely he would fly away at any minute.
>The crowd was a blur to Dexter, but Tricia's thrilled face and clapping hands stood out like a neon sign in the mass of anonymous faces. And behind her, Trent was winding up a pitch. Dexter never saw what Trent threw, he just felt it collide with his crotch, irreversibly shattering his pelvis. Dexter looked down. His pants were soaked but his lap didn't feel wet. Nothing below his waist felt like anything. He was paralyzed. The crowd had wandered away by now, ignoring Dexter even as he began to weep.

>>19307435
Dexter? More like Fagster lamo

Give me a name for a cute goth girl who goes into the woods with her grandma.

>>19307453
Ebony (Not her real name, her real name is something lame)

>>19307435
You mock me, and I don't appreciate it.

>>19300752
Chunks of viscera pelted the exterior of the 1977 Honda Civic, adding splashes of bright red to its relatively faded maroon exterior.

"Jesus fuck." Said Feirtman.

"What the fuck just happened?" Asked Solomon. His yellowish eyes had practically popped out of the African darkness of his face, and there--half in and half out--they seemed to remain.

"Dumb motherfuckers." Said Feirtman.

There was a mist of blood outside, now softly coating the windshield and obscuring the scene of the explosion. Solomon's eyes seemed to recede back into his skull because of the reprieve, "What the fuck just happened, Laurie?"

"What just happened is we hired some very dumb motherfuckers, is what happened." He sighed past his lit cigarette. Smoke slipped from his cracked lips. He was wearing a thick brown leather jacket, making him appear a much larger man than he was. "One of those motherfuckers must have lit up too close to the carcass. The whole thing has been decaying for weeks, must have been chock full of gas." Again the sigh, again the slip of smoke. "Dumb motherfuckers."

Feirtman bashed the steering wheel with clenched fists, and the car emitted a small honk in weak protest.

"Is, well, does that make a difference?" Asked Solomon. "I mean, dead whale's dead whale."

Over the years Feirtman had developed a look that said "You're damn stupid negro" for use with his erstwhile partner. He treated Solomon to that look now.

Over the years Solomon had learned that whenever Feirtman gave him that look, he sarcastically asking, "What do you think, mate?"

"I knew this shit was a stupid idea." Solomon said. He had in fact said it was a "fuckin' brilliant" idea three hours and forty-two minutes prior, but seemed to have forgotten. "We ain't got no business fuckin' 'round with whales."

Feirtman said nothing. He started the engine, the car coughed and began anemically sputtering, and they were on the M25 within half an hour.

Feirtman continued to say nothing, but for half-vocalized mutterings that sounded like "Fucking whales," and "Dumb motherfuckers," and much more softly, "Dumbfuck negro," all with smoke barely escaping his cracked lips.

Is there a common theme in your work?

I read through some of my stuff and noticed a focus on dehumanization

>>19306010
Most of my readers enjoy my works and post very nice and encouraging comments. My stories are relatively popular too, but if there's a commercial ebook/print version available, nobody buys them, and hardly anybody donates anything. They only care while shit's free. I'm happy people read what I write and are entertained and I don't ask for more, but that doesn't change the reality that I'm going to be bankrupt soon. It's a very complicated feeling. I almost wish they had never given me any hope.

>>19307971
Mostly ostracization. It's something I try to avoid focusing on but it's always there.

>>19307425
I'm only halfway through so I can't wholly recommend it yet but I've found Mastering The Craft of Writing by Stephen Wilbers to be very useful for these kinds of small details. If you look at the table of contents you will see what it deals with.

>>19307755
pretty good

>>Chunks of viscera pelted the exterior of the 1977 Honda Civic, adding splashes of bright red to its relatively faded maroon exterior.

Can maybe omit "chunks of"

>>His yellowish eyes had practically popped out of the African darkness of his face,

Feels like this sentence needs just slightly rewritten. omit "practically" or find a better word.

>and there--half in and half out--they seemed to remain.

"they remained"

>>"What just happened is we hired some very dumb motherfuckers, is what happened." He sighed past his lit cigarette. . .

Could omit all before "He sighed. . ."

>>Feirtman bashed the steering wheel with clenched fists, and the car

omit "with clenched fists, and"

to "wheel, the car"

>>emitted a small honk in weak protest.

IDK. maybe to "honked weakly in protest" I've seen emitted used by other writers here and it never feels like the best word for its context.

>>"Is, well, does that make a difference?" Asked Solomon. "I mean, dead whale's dead whale."

People here seem to hate commas. They're probably on to something. "Is, well, does" to just "Does that" and omit "I mean"

>>Over the years Feirtman had developed a look that said "You're damn stupid negro" for use with his erstwhile partner. He treated Solomon to that look now.
>>Over the years Solomon had learned that whenever Feirtman gave him that look, he sarcastically asking, "What do you think, mate?"

Feels suboptimal. Maybe over the years/learned can be omitted.

>>began anemically sputtering

sputtered anemically

>>say nothing, but for

omit comma

>>19307027
cheers

Anyone else here write short stories set in the same setting as their larger stories?

I think my dialogue lacks subtlety and too autistic. I've considered continued writing like that and then, once it's done and I am entirely sure of what I wanted to get out of the conversation go back to it and reedit ever single line until it says the same thing but in a more realistic manner. Is this a good way to proceed, or am I overthinking it?

>>19300765
Is no one gonna give me a critique?

>>19308017
You're not just repackaging your free stuff are you?

>>19307971
I deal with Redemption a lot but pair it with Immutability. There are a few things I find immutable, one being forgetfulness, the other being envy. The first three stories I did look at immutability of the individual, then heritage, and lastly of our civilization.

>>19300765
>isekai
dropped

>>19307299
It's a cyberpunk murder mystery. Elliot is the detective heading over to the crime scene. The victim was depersoned before his death, and the police can't find anything about him

It finished at 54k this week and I'm trying to get beta readers to get into it

>>19306822
kekked out loud

>>19308141
Yeah. Helps me internally flesh out the world I feel like.

How do I get readers on royal road?

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/47758/the-plague-of-york

>>19308772
Get a cover art if you can, synopsis is sort of vague but works. Glossed through it on my tiny ass phone screen but I'll try and read it when I get home if I don't forget. Nothing stood out to me at a glance in terms of crit, so you're doing something right at least. Only 2 chaps out too at 13k words, might be too excessive to slog thru, consider cutting chapters into shorter ones (2-4k example) if it makes sense to do so and if there's natural stops

"you are either a writer or you are not"
I am depressed by this everytime it pops in my head while writing or reading
kill me

>>19308887
If you write, you're a writer. Congratulations!

>>19308900
that's exactly the problem. I don't

>>19308904
Ah. Well, maybe you could try it. Ray Bradbury said that if you write one short story a week for a year, you'll have written 52 short stories and they can't all be bad.

I always add too much detail to my scenes, to the point they move at a snail's pace. Going over every fucking minute action and such. Is this just normal when you're starting and have no idea where the story is going? I don't know how to trim down my work.

Opening the door I'd leave behind the light and warmth of my grandparents' house and enter the cold winter night. A gentle light still shone from the windows of the house and from the candle in the sauna window, toward which I set out. Snow crunched under my boots, thick, brittle snow, tightly packed, the kind that formed when the temperatures dropped very low. My breath fumed as I exhaled. I always liked breathing in cold winter air, it felt refreshing and somehow made me feel more alive.
The yard wasn't long but I was barely dressed and was quite eager for the warmth of the sauna by the time I reached the building. There was an antechamber of sorts before the sauna proper, and here people would dress and undress. The floor was stone and felt terribly cold to the touch. I always hated standing on it, it's like the stone burned. Quickly, quickly into the warmth!
The scents of that sauna have always stayed with me. Birch above all. Birch branches for the vihta, birch logs for the stove. The vihtas were kept in water while the sauna heated up, so the birch leaves left a wonderful scent in the room. But even more I liked the smell of the smoke when the logs burned to ash. There's a different smell to different kinds of wood. Pine sap smells best of all trees that are chopped down, but when burned the most pleasing has to be birch.

It's hard to reconcile the pleasant memory of birch smoke on one winter's night and the disgusting reek of the old man's cigarette-smoke as he blows it in my face on another. I don't know who he is, I've never seen him before. He smiles one moment and looks angry the next. His eyes are a pale, faded blue, his teeth yellowed. His left index finger is missing a nail, and I think the whole tip. I noticed that when he reached out to touch my shoulder. I thought he was trying to lean on me for support, but his fingers kept moving, his grasp slacking and tightening, like he was kneading me.
Ash fell from his cigarette while he had it in his mouth. Smoke blew in my face from his nostrils.
"Do you live here? Near here?" he was asking.
"No," I replied, trying not to sound as scared as I was. The mangled finger was touching my neck.
"If you live far away, I can give you a ride," he said.

>>19308970
Yes you do, you're just blind to your mistakes because you haven't taken a step away from it. You need time away from text you've written to see it with fresh eyes. When you come at it anew, you'll see exactly what you should do differently.
In theory.

>>19308772
Write something other people can actually read

What do you do when you feel like you've lost sight of your main character and don't even know what they're supposed to be? Let alone not knowing where to take the plot. I've had so many stories collapse because of this.

>>19309246
This is what happens when you don't outline things properly. Better luck next time!

>>19309256
But how?

>>19309286
You outline properly by knowing what you're going to write BEFORE you start writing. You figure out the plot and the characters. You keep them straight. You follow the plan. Don't just make shit up on the fly.

>>19309246
The mc's goal should be the first thing you think about before you write down a single word. The course of the story is then about whether he reaches that goal or doesn't.

>>19308141
Good for worldbuilding.

>>19308772
you're writing something niche on a litrpg dominated website. Don't expect to gain a ton of readers

>>19309246
>What do you do when you feel like you've lost sight of your main character and don't even know what they're supposed to be?
I'd recommend writing in first person

New chapter is done, I quite enjoyed writing it.

>>19309610
gj ygmi

>>19306822
nice

I think the idea of shitcoin incels becoming the elite would be interesting for dystopian future vision

is seeing world building through a character's eyes smart? or should i give more to the reader through narration, or balance both. (it's a short story btw)

>>19309861
Whatever you think works best.

>>19308473
I only called it that because I posts it on /a/

In reality, it's a love letter for /sci/ and /lit/

How do I break all the bad habits I've formed and learn how to write from the ground up, with a strong, solid foundation?

>>19300752
I have a feeling an old knight is about to teach me all he knows in that s44dmgazebo

>>19310009
learn what a solid foundation is maybe? like three acts, heros journey stuff. basic feature film structuring, should be plenty of blog posts and guides for that

>The Guantanamo Bay detention camp was opened shortly following the September 11 attacks
or
>The Guantanamo Bay detention camp was opened quickly following the September 11 attacks

I'm leaning toward the first one, but I'd like your input. I'm also open to any other criticisms you have.
Rereading it now, I think I should definitely drop the "was" as well.

>>19310092
Sep 11 attacks prompted the opening of Guantanamo Bay

I'm writing this poem in an AABBA rhyme scheme but not limerick metering. This is all I've written, don't want to keep going if its annoying to read? Does it work so far?

>Old man sits on crack/ed leather
>Turned towards window, and bad weather
>Reflecting through the dirty glass
>Not knowing that, as seconds pass
>We pass our time together

>Fewer drops fall from the sky
>And sensing that my time is nigh
>I shift from that where I’ve long stood
>And beneath my feet creaks rotted wood
>Aghast, the old man meets my eye

>“Oh! What shade has come to claim
>My spirit from this vulgar shame?
>You thing that takes me from this place,
>Wert thou man? Show your face!
>Speak, damn thing! Speak your name!”

>My voice creaks like rustling savoy
>“I am no shade, I’m only a boy!
>A boy that you know, or knew, whilom
>I came from the storm, in need of asylum.
>Forgive me! I mean not to annoy.”

>I withdraw, but whilst still seated
>The old man jeers “That’s all you needed?
>A roof to shield you from the storm?
>Four walls? More? To keep you warm?
>Hark! My words shall be repeated.”

>“Shade, you are, and fabulist
>You insult me, I will not resist.
>I yield to that which only He knows,
>So taketh me before judge Minos.
>Thou art dream, and I, somnambulist.”

>>19310132
I realize that a few of these have fucked up syllable count, already just changed the last line to
>Dream, meet your somnambulist

>>19308913
Hmm, that sounds like a good goal to sink your teeth into, better than " just write" I hear a lot.

>>19310109
I can see how that'd be better but I need "Guantanamo Bay" to be the subject and I also have to specify the detention camp. The U.S. has occupied the bay for over a century and only established the detention camp recently.

I should've provided more context.
The sentence will stand alone as additional info on a flashcard. Nothing will precede or follow it.

books with imaginary worlds in them?
as in within the world of the book the characters go to a place that is not real within that world
I want to create something like it but frankly I'm not sure the idea holds up.

>>19310158
As in there's a place where everything is fictional, be it a Toon City, Alice in Wonderland, or a ghost house?

>>19310244
Or did you mean augmented reality style?

>>19310244
>>19310251
as in, a person starts off in the real world and goes somewhere fictional, maybe returns to the real world afterwards, yes

>>19310290
Majority of stories with such a vague premise is now in self-publish, under names of Isekai, VRMMO, LitRPG, etc.

>>19310290
try the novelization of Space Jam (1996)

>>19310290
Tron is basically that.

Crisp leaves on rain-beaten bough
Mud dampened to fertile dough

Beads of cold and haze on glass
Signs of death that come and pass

Sweaters, mittens
Sleeping kittens
Orange carvings
For the wiccans

Piles of lime and brown on green
Nature moves from scene to scene

Between dawn to snowbound dusk
Decadence brings rain and rusk


Thoughts?

I submitted this short story to the devs of Dropfleet Commander/Dropzone Commander, since they have an open invitation to their community for this sort of thing. I'd like to think it's good (though it does assume somewhat that you already have an interest in the game) but I'd like to get the opinion of you guys as unbiased outsiders. Even though the audience is fans of genre fiction and know the world of the tabletop game, I am still trying to write it as if it were just a story to stand on it's own, rather than just fluff.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/19vLnHB3_jPrAw3J-4ta_vz8RRU_a8zRiRCFydnRx2Jc/edit?usp=sharing

r8 me, tell me how shit i am

>>19310303
>>19310304
>>19310308
ah okay. the idea I had was similar to this, insecure about it being a good idea though
>kid, 11, majorly not into life for inexplicable reasons
>things are dull to him, he can't enjoy things, quite literally cannot see color
>investigates cults voraciously and seeks to go to any other world than where he is right now
>ends up passing out during one of his attempts, is met by a strange man in a void who informs him he's dead
>gives him an option to either pass on or go to a world that he created to save someone important to him ages ago
>reminds him he can choose to give up and pass on at any time if this world isn't what he wants
>goes to said world
>there people are immortal, allowed to pursue the things they never could in life, but for many this is moot because artistry has progressed to a point where there are no interested audiences
>for people who just like to create for the sake of it though, this is great
>people take the form of strange things, some literally being animals, others being disfigured forms of things that don't exist or make sense, some in between the two (ex. a tall skeleton with rabbit ears as long as his body, he wears a suit that he cannot take off)
>turns out the man was half lying earlier, there is a way to leave, but it's on a timed basis
>boy sees that he has a small cage on a chain around his neck, inside is a burning candle
>when the light goes out, he'll be stuck here, but if he can make it to the edge of the world and light the torch there, he can leave
>those with him inform him that if you light that torch, you may even come back to life
>through the journey there he learns about how his companions died, why they choose to stay here, and what prevented them from leaving
>as he bonds with them he discovers that they are very similar to people he knew (ex a teacher that went missing last year, a student who transferred schools)
>when they reach the top he lights their candles and they all try to leave
>when he does he's met with the man in the void again
>the man now has a very old cage and candle, not lit
>says that if he decides to leave here, that world will die with it, that he must stay
>boy explains that very few people there are actually happy. that he's created a purgatory where people can't move on, that this includes himself
>man lets his candle be lit and they both move on

>>19300752
I just want to finish something, /lit/. I don't care if it's good or bad, I just want to complete a piece.

>>19310463
don't though. started a piece at 12 and finished at 19. it was a 600 page nightmare of terrible writing and I lost confidence because of it. live the slow burn, do better, it makes it actually worth something when you finish instead of a desperate grasp.

>>19310468
I just end up getting bored or tired of every story I start and end up dropping it. It's never a conscious decision, I just stop one day and never get back to it. Is this like meeting a woman; "you'll know she's the one when you keep coming back for more"?

>>19310478
same but that could be the depression
I honestly keep fighting out of spite, that's my only reason.

Charlene

You were in a wheelchair.
Your breasts hung down like water balloons.
Your voice was rough that I could tell you were repressed sexually.
I took a note of that in a sympathetic manner.
The act itself was a mixture of pleasure and cringe.
Like bad acting in a play but sometimes sex is.
I felt a connection.
Some would mock us but I'm not so sure I would care.

You stopped replying to me a couple of months ago.
And I can tell why the world holds me to such disdain.
At least I can be sincere, the dog is happy to see me.
And my loneliness.
I pull my trousers up from my ankles and sigh.
Sighs are the cries of the indifferent.

describe this picture in your finest prose

>>19309000
I want to read more, it seems a little gay creepy.

>>19310562
Radical indoctrination for a society out of time.

Roz’s fetal development was plagued with mass chromosomal macrodeletion. Especially on what is left of chromosome two (2), her mother’s various experimental drug cocktails during the pregnancy had prematurely eroded and completely erased loci 2q37.3-q36.2, 2q34, 2q31.1, 2q22.3, 2q13-q12.2, 2p15-p16.1, 2p21, and 2p22.3-p24.2 before they could even begin developing. Hence Roz, despite miraculously having minimal cognitive impairments beyond a general autistic gullibility, was, at birth, horribly disfigured, extravisually and intraphysiologically. Frequent brady- and tachyarrhythmic attacks. Constant hyperhidrosis. Clubbed legs and webbed, malformed digits. Extreme schizophasia, if/when she talked at all. At her birth her mother was on a near-lethal dose of psychostimulant “red dust” is what she called it earlier mixed with homebrewed pseudo-ayahuasca and some negligible cannabinoids and MacSurgat’s in a self-proclaimed Formigueran “behavioral bujarra”’s car, driving outbound on Hwy. 16 in what is now only de jure southern Rotlichgrad, but what is really the metropolitan hem of the boreal extent of Santa Formiguera’s culture and vernacular; and it’s no longer in anyone’s memory, what with her mother on an unending parental sabbatical and Roz’s childhood amnesia, but when she was born, Roz slid out of her mothers’s natal canal like a neatly molded block of Spam does from its tin can when turned upright, her membranous skin the same tone, her throat curved back onto her spine and at the very end back onto itself again in a sigmoid form so her head was looking behind her, and her stomach covered in translucent skin patches where you could sort of see the alternatingly slowly-and-quickly pulsating flesh inside her body, and her mother saw this and screamed and hollered and ran into the cold night, her boots, by the time of whatever end to her escape there was, likely covered in the sad, soggy mire and muck of Rotlichgrad and environs. Roz was left in the dirt, screaming as her mother had.

>>19310356
I like the outline anon. Reminds me a little of the Divine Comedy + Alice in Wonderland. It could either be a life-affirming or denying tale depending on how you want it to go. Make it a reality!

>>19309861
If it's a short story, through what the character sees is best otherwise you bloat your -short- story.

>>19310671
thanks. I honestly expected people to say it seemed too simple. I'm still trying to learn what complex and simple mean, but yeah

I'm so fucking out of touch with everything
>look at stories and characters my generation enjoys
>it's nothing like the stuff I'm creating
>look at stories and characters young generations enjoy
>it's nothing like the stuff I'm creating
>look at stories and characters older generations are enjoying
>it's nothing like the stuff I'm creating

I don't need success or approval but it'd be nice to resonate with someone, I'm starting to feel like that last O'o bird that was singing a mating call to a female that didn't exist

>>19307755
fucking racist

>>19310328
Just here to say fuck you for posting this shit on /sffg/. You have a general here, stay here.

>>19310781
so what are you creating? maybe its the next hip thing

>>19307755
the usual way to do dialogue is:
"Blah blah blah," said Whoever.
You could also do
"Blah blah blah." Whoever now does an action.

>>19311108
>"Hi!" He ejaculated at her.
They don't write em like that anymore

>>19311047
I, uh, I'll take that under advisement, I guess

I wrote 2,270 words today and finished chapter 30!

>>19311385
BUILT for Nano

Alright I finished the poem regardless. Can I get some thoughts?
>>19310132

>>19311385
Good job bro. I'm on chapter 30 of my story right now struggling to come up with an interesting idea.

>>19311539
Well in all fairness it’s the 2nd draft so it’s easier to crank through when you’ve already done.

I started writing a week ago, I'm 25k words in but my characters feel plastic, like they're extensions of myself with little distinction between them. I feel like the plot logically follows but I only actually like one character.

I struggle to convey their flaws while moving the plot forward.

I wonder if I should keep writing to sort out the plot then massively overhaul the characters.

What do litfags suggest

>>19311578
>massively overhaul the characters
just do what you can to give each individual screen time to build themselves. if two characters are literally carbon copies of each other drop one

>>19311587
I like that idea, I was considering writing proper backstories and hypothetical scenes (both omitted from plot) to solidify who they are in my mind, is this a good idea?

>>19311385
Oh yeah, nano. Anybody else nervous? I've never tackled something this big before.

>>19311423
>>19311676
I haven’t bothered with nano in forever. I write all the time anyway. Don’t need some event telling me to write. I’M MY OWN MAN!

Figured I'd put my poems in here rather than in the thread I'd made, cuz mans there were fucking retarded. They're Sapphic Stanzas, prob not great cuz i made them on the walk to school today:

1. (influenced by homer's "generations of men are like the leaves)
Men are like the leaves that grow up in tall trees,
Sprouting, budding, blooming, falling with the breeze,
Clinging to their lives up until the time when
They cannot bear them.

2.
When I was a boy and not yet a grown man
Life and all its worries were never at hand.
Now that I am old I can understand that
Life is but hardships.

Would love some feedback, form, style, content, whatever. I'm gonna try and go through now and give feedback to other poets.

>>19300936
I can tell that you definitely put a lot of effort into this, but it doesn't really flow well in my opinion. If that was the intention, which it very well might've been, great! This is a poem that makes me uncomfortable, and an uncomfortable rhythm can add to that. Other than that, it's not bad for a first poem - try to expand outside of the I if you can. Its fine to center a poem around yourself, but constantly hearing "I this, I that" gets repetitive. Keep things varied.

>>19302374
Yeah this is all extremely gimmicky. It's a short story with short sentences about a short interaction. We get it. You think your clever. We don't. Make something that isn't there to frustrate your audience - when you alienate them, they alienate you.

>>19311731
I appreciate the feedback. truthfully I wrote it in the car before work, so I can't claim it was a lot of effort but it was heartfelt
this >>19311475 is my 2nd attempt at poetry, put actual effort into writing it today? Improvement? or still subject to the same pitfalls?

>>19305618
This is the best thing I've read in this thread so far. Unfortunately it's comedy and not real lit. jk. I hope to god it's actually 2000 pages.

>>19310326
Seriously excellent meter. Your imagery is also quite astounding - you manage to capture not only things like mud, but its hardness or the still present crispness of the newly dampened leaves. It flows well - I could pick up whenever the meter began to fluctuate. Furthermore, your use of rhyme only aids in its rhythmic, metrical reading. Overall, I love it. I think it would pair well with a picture, if anything. The middle stanza, about the kittens, might be a little bit out of place as well. Perhaps try a reading without it to see what you think? But still, extremely good work.

>>19311764
So you sort of do this blank verse meter in the beginning, which is essentially a stress syllable followed by an unstressed syllable. You don't really grasp it super well though, and instead tend to focus on your final rhymes to pack your poetic punch, so to speak. That's fine, but you also need to understand that it's elementary. I want you to search up "Blank Verse" on wikipedia and youtube, and teach yourself that. It's not too tricky. Add that to your rhyme structures, and then you're starting to get into some real poetry.

As for the content, I'm gonna be frank, it was boring. You used a lot of archaic language that didn't help it be any more interesting. Whilom? Really? Did you find that one in a rhyming dictionary or something? Work on writing short, short poems. Search up what a stanza is, and try to write a poem that's only 1 stanza of four lines. See if you can do it. I had a prof once who told me to write all my sentences in "10 words or less," which was brutal, but helped me improve as a writer.

>>19307435
>It was just like the black janitor had said, after that fateful last dance session wherein Dexter had screamed that he was hopeless, that he would never be able to dance good enough to impress Tricia.
>"When the time comes, the dance will move you. You just gotta get out of it's way."

fucking kek

>>19301790
who cares. Read what you enjoy to read and write what you enjoy to write. If you force yourself to read certain things or write certain things you won't enjoy either, and most likely not produce quality work anyway.

>>19300752
pige

>>19301790
protip: genre writers are generally more talented than literary authors

>>19311891
Seethe and cope.

>>19311804
Wow, didn't expect to get good comments so early. Thanks a ton, anon. I really appreciate it.

>The middle stanza, about the kittens, might be a little bit out of place as well.
Agreed. I was just trying something different to break up the monotony, I suppose it didn't work.

Personally, I feel a little odd about the last stanza. 'Decadence' didn't fit as nicely as I would've hoped.

>>19311841
yeah all I know about poetry is what I've read which isn't much. I don't even actually know what blank verse is lol, so I'll do my research
thanks for the advice, i'll do just that
>i do like whilom, though

>>19311916
I didn't mind decadence, but I will be honest, on first read through I didn't understand the metrical scheme and stumbled a bit. If you wouldn't mind, could you give me some feedback on mine? they're in >>19311722

>>19311722
I decided to make a vocaroo for these in case anyone was interested in hearing it spoken.

https://voca.ro/1e9KRXCNFOB8

>>19311604
entire backstories? I mean, maybe like a paragraph at most. The reality also is they're going to change as a result of the events in the novel, anyway, so who they were isn't necessarily who they're going to be

What are you going to write for NaNoWriMo, anon?

>>19312519
Vol3 of my ongoing novel

>>19312558
Is that 400,000 words per volume

>>19312574
Altogether. Vol 1 was 223k, vol2 105k, and vol3 so far 23k.

>>19312580
still impressive

>>19311941
Yours was one of the poems I originally wanted to rate, but you seem to be working with meters/techniques I don't understand. I personally wasn't a fan on a first reading (not because it was bad, the topic wasn't my cup of tea) but it isn't bad at all.

I don't understand enough about it to critique though.

>>19300765
>starts with a survivor being mentioned
here's your mistborn fanfic, bro.

>>19311423
fie

>>19310573
What's gay creepy about a pedophile molesting someone?

>>19310630
>drug coctails inducing genetical deletions
Nope.
Fetal alcohol syndrome and mental retardation due to malnourishment in utero, but not fucking genetic deletions. Stop trying to sound smart by naming genes while your premise is completely retarded.
Sorry for the bad tone, but speaking of deletions: delet the genetic part or the drug induced part.

>>19312519
The rest of my novel that has taken way too long for me to finish. Really starting to enjoy the process and feel empty with anything else.

Painful words.

>>19312741
God, that is so shallow.
Quit being so judgemental and find an actual flaw

>>19313176
Kelsier is kino, sounds like a compliment.

>>19313238
>>19313238
>>19313238
New bread

>>19312519
Going to build a backlog for my webnovel

Antiquity Napoleon but with Jojo Stands