/lit/ - Literature

>>19115057
I haven't felt like a person since I was pre-pubescent.
Puberty ruined my life.
I never figured out how to play the new game that emerges during adolescence when all the rules suddenly change.
Never figured out how to actually make friends in middle and high school. I just withdrew from the world and got cystic acne that left me with a bunch of scars. University was just more of the same.
People terrify me. When I'm walking down the street, if someone is coming towards me the muscles in my torso tighten up like my body is getting ready to fight. My throat tightens up too which makes my voice crack when I have to change polite hellos with the other person as we pass one another.
All puberty did was saddle me with an insane libido.
For my ancestors who didn't grow up in the alienating suburbs I'm sure it was extremely adaptive that they would feel an overwhelming urge to fuck any woman who's not ugly, and feel terrible when they aren't having sex, but in my case it's just added unnecessary desire and pain to my life that I would be better off without. I don't need for my neural processes to be hijacked any time I catch sight of something vaguely feminine in my peripheries.
I would be very content with my life had I never developed sexually.
On an intellectual level, I don't even want sex and never have. Sexual desire has always felt foreign to me. I don't desire women socially. I don't feel a social lack in my life that only a woman could fill. What I feel is that these involuntary impulses seize hold and take possession of me. It's not something that I want to want; I hate being subject to sexual desire. It feels like possession. I hate that I have to exert all this mental effort on nofap. It's like a cruel joke that I've been laden with sexual desire and yet made unfit to ever gratify it.
And even if I could, I don't think I would truly want to. Oh sure, I would if I could, but I wouldn't recognize any value in it. 1.5 minutes of friction and then ejaculating into a little balloon? It's the weirdest, most arbitrary thing imaginable. It's a completely meaningless act. Unless you're having sex for reproduction, it's utterly pointless.
Yes, I know some people will cite all the "mental and physical health benefits" that it offers, but can't you see that once you remove reproduction from the equation, the association those supposed benefits have to the act is completely arbitrary? And doesn't it seem mildly dystopian to repurposed sex into a health supplement whose only function is to keep producer-consumer bugmen well regulated so that their productivity doesn't dip?
Sexual desire makes me feel like a caged animal. I absolutely hate it.

If I was given the choice between never feeling sexual desire again or having a girlfriend, I would choose the former.

>>19115057
I feel I ran out of coping mechanisms tonight. I have to make some big change in my life. I'm not going anywhere with my current ideas and personality.

>>19115057
Digging the MNC editions.

I made a tinder account, something I swore I’d never do. But I need pussy, it’s been too long, I’m losing my senses and I need to come inside of a woman. I admit I’m getting a bit lonely. I match with a cute girl resembling an foreign actress I fell in love with, particularly her honeyed skin and stubby upturned nose. I message her once, relaying to her this obscure similarity. To my surprise she was familiar and said she was deeply flattered. I followed up with some trite bullshit and a proposal to meet for drinks. Then nothing. It’s been a week now and I haven’t gotten a response. I flick through the other women, unimpressed - fat, whore, black, freak, pedestrian, fat, whore, tranny. I’m not depressed by this miserable display of flesh, this market of unfuckable sluts and damaged goods, I’m rather I’m bored with it. It’s not as exciting as I anticipated. I receive a couple more matches, but none arouse my interest like the petite tomboy with the exposed midriff and soft olive skin. She’s probably fucking some faggot art student, getting cummed in by a wealthy aspiring conceptual artist, he seems her type, not me. I’m an uneducated yokel, a brute. Handsome, but my profession shows in my sun stained face. She sensed in a couple messages I am unfit for her pussy, let alone her soul. I understand this. I have nothing to offer her, a sophisticated woman, an artist, I’m even somewhat intimidated by her. Regardless, to keep my ego intact, I ascertain she is simply busy. Working on her schoolwork, tests are coming up, projects are due, she has her priorities in line. I still have an inkling of hope she’ll get back to me, we meet for drinks, make out at the bar and fuck all night. This hallucinatory fantasy warms me at night in my loneliness, it will sustain me for now. For all I know she’s thinking the same thing about me, prevented by some innocent shyness, hesitation to pursue for fear of heartbreak. Doubtful.

>>19115108
Not gonna lie homie, but this is fucking gay.

>>19115108
>I followed up with some trite bullshit and a proposal to meet for drinks. Then nothing
You need to talk for at least a few days before asking to meet up.

>>19115121
with some girls yes, with a lot of girls on these whore apps no, many of them including my WHORE PIG ROOMMATE meet a guy and fuck him within the same day

not even attractive guys sometimes, just average. i piss in her shampoos.

>>19115138
From how you described the girl it doesn't seem she is the type for that.
Remember that while tinder is full of whores, some of them aren't so easy.

I just finished reading Stoner and I cried near the end.

gonna try learning mandarin again

it's not as hard the second time around

>>19115100
>>19115057
fucking based my niggas
aesthetic as fuck

>>19115108
god damn youre cringe dude

>>19115181
Be careful. When you stare into the bug, the bug also stares into you.

>>19115192
that isn't very nice

i really don't feel like living, 60 more years is far too long. work doesn't hold much appeal for me.
truth be told, I'd like to finish the classics then die

>>19115185

We get in on most every night
And when that moon is big and bright
Its a supernatural delight
Everybodys dancing in the moonlight
Dancing in the moonlight
Everybodys feeling warm and bright
Its such a fine and natural sight
Everybodys dancing in the moonlight

>>19115057
Strangely, I miss being depressed. Depression gave life a real depth of feeling that I no longer feel. Since my late twenties, things have become more flat an undifferentiated.
In a perverse way, the pain of melancholia was a kind of self-indulgent pleasure. It made things feel more significant in a way that consistent emotional stability lacks.

>>19115212

>>19115189
>>19115115
Y’all are right, very juvenile and gay. I’m going back to being an incel

I somehow made this girl think I was trying to friendzone her. What are the odds that a man could be that stupid?

>>19115084
yeah

>>19115314
Its a thin line between being funny flirty and just being funny friendly. You walked too long on the friendly side.

> I can't make any friends at college, I will be forever alone, an outsider, a non-entity here
that's what I thought until I was able to make friends here. They are with out a doubt all normies—normies of the most boring (loud but incredibly boring) and insipid kind; I am extremely affable so I laugh often but they're jokes are lame, just lame, so lame. Not to mention most of the friend group is composed of women (including the loud fat one that tries too hard to be funny). The girls are not very attractive either (one has a nice body though, complete butterface I'm afraid; another seems to be autistic and weird, laughs a lot, very skinny; fat girl; boring girl; giggly girl; other fat but quiet black girl). There are two other guys in this group and they're normies. Not Chad's, not sóyboys, not incels, not chuds, just normies. I've been on the internet so long I forgot people like this exist. I met a complete autist and a literal (Redditor style) neckbeard before I met these people and I wondered if I could stomach having to be friends with these people but I didn't and I won't. Iet some people at the Gym that I talk to, people at school clubs, work, class, etc. but no true friends. I do stuff with these people, they are my new friends. My last friends weren't 4chan fags (and that's a good thing) but they were edgy, funny, cool. Those friends are gone. My new friends are these guys. Boring, apolitical or slightly liberal, pop-music consuming, rarely funny, . They can be fun to be around (bar the cringe) but I wonder if I'm just settling? Is this how women feel when they could never interest Chad and now have to settle for Tim? Idk. Have my standards for conversation become too high? My conversations used to be lively (we yelled at each other for being faggots and laughed at each other's stupidity, we didn't squeel and laugh about dumb shit). Where is the toxic atmosphere? I thrived in that space. I don't know, I just don't know. These are my friends and it's too late to change them, I have no will to change them, beggers can't be choosers and I'm not mad at who I've got.

>>19115084
gender dysphoria

>>19115367
Is it really so bad to be alone?

>>19115314
why dont women just use their words

People irl assume I like summer the most, but between us, my favorite season is fall.

>>19115368
no pink pill plz

I just woke up. Lying in bed and already I'm itching with lust and having seething thoughts about the state of the world. I have an opportunity to volunteer with some people this morning, get outside and experience the real world, do something productive. But I've already decided to just sit about, browse 4chan and rot all day.

I'm not depressed, but the dark streak within (the shadow?) is running things now. I am bitter, hateful, lustful, racist, childish and self-pitying. It feels quite strange to witness yourself becoming increasingly dark and despondent. I care, I really do. But I do wonder if its too late for me now.

>>19115374
It can be. Studying is fun but I long for human touch. I want to talk to people, know them, understand them, love them, etc. I can't be alone or else I will cope with YouTube and 4chan. Fuck that. I want to read more and be content with just living, working out, learning.

>>19115444
>I can't be alone or else I will cope with YouTube and 4chan
It sounds like you're just coping with these people though.
Based on what you've said, I find it really hard to believe that spending time with them is more interesting than spending time watching Youtube videos or posting here.

>>19115472
We're going through a pandemic and I haven't talked to people face-to-face in a little over a year. Do you not value people? Do you not think there's a reguvenating feeling you get when you deal with people in person? Do you not think that there's a soul sucking aspect to social media? Is 4chan, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube really better than real life to you?

>>19115523
You're the one who's telling us that he's settled for boring and insipid people just so he doesn't feel alone.
I don't get lonely. I'm not very interested people who aren't interesting people. I get more out of reading, tinkering with Linux, watching movies, and going for solitary hikes than I do "hanging out" with people who have nothing to say worth hearing.

>>19115057
i, and i cannot stress it enough, would

So, who created the thread after this one?

>>19115057
You should all stop your morbid self-obsession, just for a week. These threads are nothing but constant whining - no wonder everyone else is repulsed and you don't have friends or girlfriends.

>>19115181
Why? Also, based

>>19115717
i just think mandarin sounds really nice spoken

and it might be nice to make some chinese friends who want to learn english

Let me tell you about a porcupine's balls; they're small, and they don't give a shit.

For me watching Buck Breaking with my family was a nice way to reconcile with our past.

You see, my grandparents moved to Canada but their kin before them were Americans, Georgia to be exact. They weren’t slave owners but a couple generations were unrivalled dog breeders. They bred a bloodhound-coonhound cross and trained them specifically for detecting the aroma of an unbroken buck’s virgin keister. They could track a buck clear across two counties and tree even the fastest and strongest buck quicker than you can say “B-B-C.” Family legend says that the biggest male in the litter was always trained to cornhole a buck on command but I wonder if that’s really true or not. The family letters mention you could say “Rufus, break that buck, break him good!” and old Rufus would have that buck just where he wanted like it was nothing.

That breed is more than likely long gone and watered down after generations of outbreeding but I wonder if it’s tendencies are laying quiet in some dogs in the Georgia area. Like a dog with pointer in it that suddenly points out of nowhere. I pity the buck that comes across one of these dogs especially if the words “break buck” are uttered within earshot. That unfortunate black boy’s o-ring would be stretched and snapped before he could even think about bucking that canine off him.

>plan something for today for the last two days
>friends cancel said plan last minute right as I leave my house
Why do people do this? Now I don't wanna go back home. I don't even wanna make plans with anyone now.

What's the best book to read that's about Napoleon?

>>19115761
why did they cancel it?

>>19111047
Pretty much. I'm realising that it's better to use what talents you have to be useful to society and then spend your spare time working on your passions. I have spent the first half of my 20s dreaming of becoming famous in some way, but not putting in any actual work to make it happen. I have confronted the fact that that was always a pipe dream. I was all talk, in essence and I finally OK with that fact.

>>19115057
>Work a nightshift, 9pm-5am job
>Coworker just called in to tell me her grandfather died in his sleep, grandmother had a heart attack upon finding out
>I offered to take her shift so she could be with her family
>I will now get off work at 1PM, almost 24 hours awake, and will, if previous experiences are anything to go off of, will experience auditory hallucinations again

I often get stuck on a single line or paragraph that describes landscape or environment in an overly poetic prose because I try to picture exactly what the author is trying to paint and I really struggle with it. I might be autistic, dyslexic or retarded. When the text is about dialog or describing emotions, it usually flows nicely, thou.

>>19115832
Some didn't say, the other had to go play a basketball match last minute.

just woke from a dream where it was slowly revealed that my mother always despised me. in the end i tried to kind of desperately confront her about it but she didn't care. she was sitting on the counter in our old kitchen, and in some kind of rage of desperate sorrow I pulled her down from the counter and she slammed her head on the floor, didn't move. She turned into a kind of box after that. I told my dad to call an ambulance, he mostly seemed confused.

Good morning.

>>19115386
well you're in luck aren't you

>>19115715
touch grass

>>19115715
Based Pierrot le Fou poster

>>19115934
>will experience auditory hallucinations again
really? after only 24 hours?

>>19116079
It happens in the rare occurence where I only sleep for, say, 5-6 hours and have to stay up for 24. I have a low threshold for that sort've thing, but at least it's better than the migraines I used to get

>>19115987
Give us an example anon

Finished my first Jane Austen today. I'll admit that the majority of the time I was reading it I was thinking "this is for girls" but to her credit the way she captures the nuances of human interactions is spot on.

>>19116079
Not that anon but I can attest to this. Whenever I travel and feeling particularly strung out I start to hear people talking in the "corner" of my mind (in the same way you might see things in the corner of your eye, but with sound). It doesn't take much and its perfectly normal.

>>19116228
I am that Anon, and for me it's either the sound of skittering and something whispering my name that will then get further away if I turn to 'look' at it, or just hearing the sound you'd imagine when looking at one of Bosch's paintings of Hell

>>19116223
if you liked it and if it wasn't pride and prejudice then you should read pride and prejudice and zombies. I read this and Sense and Sensibility, and P&P was really superior in my view. some lit professor added a bunch of paragraphs here and there making the narrative also be about ninjas fighting zombies which sounds very lol so randumb and I guess it kind of is but I liked what it did

>>19116219
What I'm reading right now is not that troublesome (Roadside Picnic, Dune), but even then it's common that I have to read certain lines or paragraphs more than once before moving on. I think Cormac Mccarthy was the roughest read I've ever had, Blood Meridian is a good example to pick. I've been trying to only read in english for some time now, but I have this problem even when reading in my mother language. It's like the first read isn't fully assimilated, doesn't generate a mental picture.

stuttering fucked up my childhood

>>19116223
>I'll admit that the majority of the time I was reading it I was thinking "this is for girls"
are you 12?

>>19116367
11

>>19116306
I think this is normal

Sometimes I enjoy picking out books to read that I know I'll enjoy almost as much as I enjoy reading them. I have an awful habbit of getting so many books to read that it can almost be overwhelming. I have 18 books to read now, I definitely pick out books faster than I can read them. I think I have a fear of not having anything interesting to read, it literally terrifies me but I'm pretty sure it won't ever happen because I do a great job of picking out good books to read. I can't even remember the last time I gave up on a book.

>>19116581
I don't

Any reason why someone made a second thread?
>>19115069

maybe tomorrow my cold will have gone down enough that I can go shopping. barely any symptoms today. I.. may veeery barely have enough food even if I have to wait another day. I've been isolating for a while now. I got sunlight through an open window today for the first time in a long time. felt nice. there are still leaves on the trees. I like birch trees. I am very worn down.

one of my sheep was sick so i shot it in the head.

>>19116607
stay healthy

>>19116607
What's stopping you from going out for a walk?

>>19116754
I am right now eating my first cooked meal in a while. I had enough to make some veggie-pasta-sauce but I don't have any pasta so I'm just eating it with salad. It turned out nice, which is really nice. hot food. it should be enough for dinner as well.
>>19116831
I don't know if I have the rona. I don't want to push it

>>19115715
And you're whining about people whining while sitting on your own high horse. You're no better.

>>19116850
What I had a problem with wasn't the whining, it was the self-obsessed and self-pitying aspect of the whining.

Man shang chi was uttering underwhelming.

>>19116849
You would be doing the world a favor by spreading coronachans loving embrace. Its better for it to get out into the general population so everyone can develop a natural immunity. Otherwise it'll linger and mutate and get worse

>>19115761
Go and do something fun alone. Museum / cinema / bookshop coffee. Might be nicer

There was a period of my life when I was dating an incredibly beautiful girl. No one here will believe me but she was genuinely beautiful, could have been a model. And she was crazy about me and I was crazy about her and when we would go on dates it was like we were the two happiest people in the world and everybody could see it. Really, it seemed like people treated us different because they could see we were so in love. Anyway it all fell apart, as it always seems to. I was bitter for a long time, but I remember those memories and these days I think it's nice to at least had those memories than to never even had the chance. If I die tomorrow it'll be nice to have known I had that once. Anyhow, I'm drunk and making a fool of myself. I hope that wherever you are you have a nice day anons.

Every morning, I wake up thankful to God, that I was not born a Frenchman.

>>19117115
I did. Went to a open gallery and then a cafe, ordered coffee and read a book I found on their shelf. They had The Book of Five Rings surprisingly.

>>19116877
Sitting on your high horse and being a "i know da best" smug cunt is self obsession and selfishness. What do you know about anons' lives? Few sentences?

A cute boy sat next to me in the bus and his leg touched mine.

>>19117150
What's your coffee order anon

>>19117190
stop being gay

>>19117191
I'm a simple guy, so all I had was a large cappuccino.

>>19115057
I'm pretty sure there's some 4chan knockoff with an explicitly Christian board. Does anyone know where to find it?

>>19117141
same but replace Frenchman with American

I went to a concert alone last night and stood there trying to work out how many times I've done that and settled on around 10: more than I've been to with other people since I left high school several years ago.

>>19115057
Does having to clarify I’m not a pedophile in a certain context make me a pedophile? Like I’m not a pedophile, but being an athletic trainer for high school girls makes me nervous.

>>19117328
>high school girls
Is a normal thing, retard. People in the past used to sex high-school girls.

>>19117328
the sunnah is that you don't touch any woman who is not your family or your wife. stay safe anon. And God knows best.

>>19117328
Thats the thing about high school girls: I get older and they stay the same age

ate too much again. tummy hurts

I don't know how to be alone.

And it's not like I need to jump out of relationship to relationship, it's simply that I feel the least like myself when I am alone. And that's pretty scary because it would mean either that I am nothing, which cannot be true since there is something that interacts with others, or, it would mean that I am something, but only in relation to others, with no value on it's own.

drinking alcohol yet again. the world is too much for me.

Speech is feminine
Writing is masculine
Making reading a mixture
But all this is confused because men can be feminine as much as women masculine.

This question comes up every now and then, but I didn’t feel like waiting to say it.

I wish I had a lot more empathy. I wish it gave me a lot more joy when other people get what they want. I am often very grateful to God for things He does for me, but if I think of someone else getting this same thing I feel nothing. This is not Gods will. It explicitly is not, neither in the teaching given through Jesus, nor in that given through Muhammad. I suspect I have become embittered after a long, long line of disappointing relationships.

>>19117190
That's me, ask me out anon

>>19117535
bless you anon, just take it a day at a time. it's gonna be alright.

Zizek criticizes SJWs and makes fun of them but he still has all of the same opinions as them.

>>19117541
You’ve got speech and writing misaligned there, bucko

>>19115057
Walked for over 3 hours and 20km around the New Forest today and I didn't find a single, solitary mushroom to take home. There weren't even any fuckin poisonous ones. Absolutely fuming at how barren England is for foraging

>>19115057
The thing about life is that it's a constant struggle. And I mean that in the broadest, dumbest sense- at each moment, relegated to parts of our functioning removed from awareness, we go through the motions of breathing. The body can go without food for three weeks, water for three days, but deprived of air it would be lucky to last five minutes. The respiratory equilibrium we maintain with the environment is the unseen, ongoing performance that anchors us to consciousness.


So while all musicians have a good understanding of rhythm, the vocalist, brass, or woodwind player has perhaps a deeper, more intimate awareness of it. For in creating sound he relies on that perpetually diminishing and replenishing resource on which the lungs are dependent. Each note played is a sacrifice made by the animal body for the deity of communication. If music is sound arranged over time, each note placed on the groove mirrors the body's fidelity to this lifelong contract, and contains within it a fragment of that unspoken awareness of its place on the knife-edge between life and death.

>>19117159
I know what they choose to tell me, which is that they're self-pitying, self-obsessed faggots, you pathetic little cry-baby.

>>19117685
>Women wrote the cuneiform of Mesopotamians
>Women wrote the Old Testament
No, women invented words like “no” and “stay” for instructing their children.

>>19117700
Even living in a London suburb, I constantly find blackberries to eat. On Richmond Park, Wimbledon Common and various smaller suburban parks, there are plenty of rowans and cranberries you can make jam with. I can't imagine its worse in the countryside. I've never looked for mushrooms though.

Jordan Peterson, a guy who got rich by going around making speeches against authoritarianism, gulags, communism, fascism, etc., has said that he supports mandatory covid jabs enforced by law.
What a fucking fraud and a charlatan and a controlled opposition shill.

>>19117712
you're kind of a meanie aren't you

>>19117700
where I live (not England) you can't walk out the door right now without tripping over some mushrooms. speaking of tripping though, not having any luck with liberty caps.

Quality is the distinctive feature of an object.

Because quality is such a general and vague term, we should consider that there are many types of qualities.
Attributes are fundamental qualities.
Properties are inherent qualities : generally the way a phenomena behaves under certain conditions.
Characteristics are qualities that are used to distinguish a thing or a group from its class.
Traits are qualities that are developed by or that are within the power of the thing. Goodness, Brilliance, Strength, Influential are examples.
"Lineamentum" are qualities that are bestowed upon an object : In so far as they are included with the perception of the object. Beautiful, Attractive, Captivating, Splendid, Admirable are examples.

An entity is the independent thing, the thing in itself, the thing(or sum) contrasted with its attributes.

There are indivisible entities, or monads, and composite entities or aggregates.
An entity can be an attribute of another entity. In general an aggregate's attributes are its composition and their order(the way they are arranged).


A vast plethora awaits your disposal.

>>19117728
yeh nah blackberries are like the one exception, you'd probably find them growing in the middle of a fuckin landfill if you looked. Apart from that tho there's fuck all, at least round where I live

>>19117872
I know mate. There were countless times that as a wee boy in Poland I'd go with my grandad for a swim in a lake or summat and we'd come back home with backpacks brimming with mushrooms, berries, mint and all sorts of good shit.

>>19118058
do polish people generally appreciate nature? I remember seeing a really good polish movie a long time ago about some noblemen pulling a scam from maybe the 70s, and all the nature looked like our (swede) dream of our southern nature. Like if a southern swede wanted to paint an ideal view of his land, it would be like the Poland of reality

Poles are just Swedes with more testosterone.

metallicman is the world's greatest case study in paranoid schizophrenia

i hate being american

I feel like my heart's going to explode, lads. From love, not substance abuse. It's not even a pleasant feeling

>>19118225
who is it that you love? were you the one into some unstable chick?

I fainted while urinating this morning, apparently this is a somewhat regular old man thing but I'm only fucking 27. You get ever had an alarming wake-up call that you should be taking better care of yourself?

>>19118256
yeah, when my knee started hurting out of nowhere.

Chris Chan wrote a letter to the kiwi farms from prison and now says he's the second coming of Jesus Christ

>>19118300
what the fuck is up with schizos becoming born again christians?

There's a side of me that's a lot more charming and engaged, but I have to coax it out by hyping myself up. I guess that's mindfulness.

>>19115106
based

>>19118256
i had terrible headaches for like 2 months.. had mri and tests done.. it's was literally just muscle pain from sitting playing computer games too much

I, being an American, cherish this right and will defend it if prompted.

>>19118300
I can't get onto kiwi becase of the ddos protection thing. Whats the latest news on Chris Chan? Didnt he have a hearing recently?

>>19118217
Yeah all my relatives are European. I was unlucky enough to be born and raised here. The contrast is extreme. We really have no culture in America

I'm getting real fucking tired of shitposting all day every day

>>19118575
They moved the hearing forward to another date and he wrote a letter to the admin of Kiwi Farms while in prison where he ranted about all sorts of wacky shit

Transcript of the letter here
https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris%27s_Letter_to_Null

>>19115057
Everyone hates me

>>19118575
he thinks he is jesus reincarnated and that god told him to rape his mom

fuckin post more, I'm really fucking bored

If I weren't depressed, I feel I could make amazing music. But if I weren't depressed, I wouldn't be me.

>>19115057
How awesome that Porsche looks.

The world is not as you know it, nor is it how it's presented to you. It is what you experience.

>>19118769
I like the part where he also compares himself to Andy Warhol

>>19115057
I want to understand everything and yet i want to understand nothing. I feel that everything i learn is a complete waste yet i still persist.

I vow to stop cooming to sims porn.

Listening to Crystal Castles again.

>>19115057
The spark of one's soul. Once clear like water from a natural spring. Now with the fetid lichens and algae of stagnation growing everywhere, plaguing it. Once a warm and loving glow. Now not even an occasional bright flicker, but a sickly weakened light. He had become like one of the heroes in his novels: brimming with talents, power, wealth, the affection of others. However, he was hollow and unable to enjoy such pleasures anymore.
Thus, he retreated into an ascetic life in the hopes that it would save him from the beast he had become. From the insatiable, almost vampiric hunger that had taken over him. He was older too. Gaunt yet strong. Fractured yet whole. He smiled at the man in the mirror in prideful defiance. He had become what he had become, but there was certain joy in it. "I, who had once reached the stars, who fulfilled all my dreams and those of others. What a great man I was indeed!". It was true yet it wasn't. All these achievements had brought only ruin before him. And in these ruins he withered, seeking the immaterial power that once came naturally to him. But he would find it and make it his again, like two old lovers who miss each other and melt together in an eternal embrace after a long time.

If I made a million dollars a year after taxes, I would be happy. Being rich would solve all my problems.

>>19115084
go get tested for autism

>>19117720
can you be my TERF mommy

Political science is such a meme goddammit I should've picked history as my minor. I should've known it matches my major much better. fuuuuck

>>19117541
blah blah blah, stop yapping

>>19115084
Holy fuck go see a psychologist.

>>19117134
How could it go so wrong? Why did it have to fall apart if you were so in love?

>>19117134
I believe you, anon.

also Hibari-kun a cute.

I may be retarded by why the fuck did they build this bridge instead of just having a highway along the ground? Millau Viaduct in France

>>19119303
because they could

>>19119315
wouldn't it cost like a billion more dollars

>>19119303
probably some make-work job

>>19119303
probably some land-use issues
also a highway would cut the valley(?) in half, and they're not american enough to do something like that

>>19119317
money is fake

bridges are real

>>19119303
respect for the land

>>19119303
too steep

>>19119380
then why did they build all those cheap looking auto stores

>>19119303
Because then highways would be like rollercoasters and be super dangerous to drive on, and impassable by larger heavy trucks. Imagine you're going 65MPH on the highway then suddenly there's a hill going up at 30º

>>19119420
>and be super dangerous to drive on
I think you mean super awesome

>>19119303
Roads have a slope limit, called the road's grade. If the road is too steep, it will be unsafe. Deep valleys are natural features, and they are often more steep than this. So, to go over a valley, you have to make a very long road to maintain the grade limit. You can do this on the valley, with a series of switchbacks. Unfortunately, switchbacks are also dangerous and significantly increase travel time. This longer road is also much more expensive.

At some point, the economics of building a bridge through the valley is cheaper than the long highway in terms of construction costs plus all the time/fuel used to traverse the road. Engineers usually build the cheapest solution, even when it's building a super tall bridge.

>>19119303
Time saved makes it more economically friendly in the long run. Plus it came down to the towns people mostly who preferred it.

>>19115057
Oscillations of impure thought matter contradictorily included topologically: skepticism is not the solution, but natural selection, that is, the universal principle. Dissociative state induced unexplainably - psychological malfunctions of the inner ear. Murder-motivated theosis.

>>19119630
punk fucking rock dude

The only thing I hate more than minorities is women

I've recently returned to Christ to relieve my weathered soul. I think part of what lead me astray was an anger towards God because of what happened to me.

>>19119659
Many such cases

>>19119630
Lmao what a homo

>>19119574
Sounds like some Michael Cricthon shit

>>19119630
chuds will seethe at this

how do i sell my soul to the devil?

If all phenomena, feelings and values are valid only within the bounds of this life, what’s stopping me from revoking their authority by ending it? I only care about my family because my flawed brain tells me to.
>inb4 Christfriends

>>19115057
It is with great confidence and experience I can say I do not enjoy things penetrating my ass. Yes, I bought a dildo to see how it felt, I didn’t like it. I am more straight then ever.

>>19119831
did you even assgasm?
that's the supposed appeal

>>19119871
No, it was just incredibly uncomfortable the entire time. If I had repeat the same uncomfortable shifting of the dildo in and out of my ass for a while to get a “super orgasm” it’s definitely not worth it in my opinion

>>19119807
How can non religious people trust the brain, which has been proven to be fundamentally flawed, with life affirming decisions such as bearing children at all? Is it all really just one big evolutionary cope based on ego and misplaced feelings? It can’t be that simple

>>19119831
you have to start off with one of these bad boys

>>19119141
No U

>>19115057
Is anyone else obsessed with noses? I am constantly judging people on the shape of their noses and nostrils. I will start thinking about my nose and other people’s noses every day multiple times throughout the day. If someone’s nose is straight I form a sense of kinship with them and feel that they are a noble being which must share my ideals. Anyone whose nose curves up/inwards automatically becomes a superior spiritual creature in my mind, though usually not as intelligent as others, and if their nostrils are slender and diagonal along with the curved nose I start to view them as a genetic masterpiece far above me in both mind and spirit. I could go on enumerating the effects of nose shape on my opinion of people but you get the idea.

>>19115084
I was going to say this >>19115084 too

>>19115387
I'm a firm believer wysiwyg and I'm just calling as I see it.

So yeah, a nice night. Hanging out with myself. 820 pm on my back porch in XXX. Nice, late September night. Women. My undesirablility. My feeling of appropriately placed shame. That I'm a loser with low value on the romantic marketplace, so to speak. Try as I might. I'll always be a weirdo, and a not especially attractive one. It's unfortunate. I wish I could somehow accept it. I try. Sometimes. To just enjoy. But a meaningful fraction of my time is tainted by the feeling of interiority. Being a loser. Not having played my cards well. And having poor cards to begin with. My hand is weak and I feel it.

>>19119941
No
while I do judge people on thier phenotype
I also cannot look at people
It is like looking at fire
it waters my eyes, makes my back cold and reeks a soot unseen

>>19119973
I mean, I could understand that for particularly distasteful physiognomy, but in general I am the opposite, I’m always looking at people and thinking about the features of their face. I find I generally admire them

I've seen real ambition and I don't have it. Potentially prime self improvement time and I'm indulging. Not advancing. "Relaxing."

>>19120010
I agree most people are aesthetically pleasing
But we are opposates probably to my own disorder whic hI dont hold as cowardice but more as a type of pride

>blogpost
>1/N
Dan and I woke up in good form. We hadn’t gotten too drunk last night, which a rare accomplishment. We were both pleased. We cleaned a bit and then made a crude album from the previous night’s recordings. We were both pleased with these as well. We then wanted to get out of the house for a bit and we were going to get some coffee and food and then play basketball. We called in our food order and then I got a pack of cigarettes and took a roundabout way to get to the restaurant. I picked up the food. We realized I had forgot the basketball but I had a football in the back of the car. We went to a nearby field to play catch. It was great – running in an open field was a treat. The ground was firm and flat and there were no obstacles. It was a large field, too. It was a rare treat for my body to move to fast and freely. As we finished, Dan was quite winded. We drove home and it was apparent he was physically struggling, in pain, uncomfortable. When we got home I got him some water. He laid down on the carpet. He said he had a very bad headache, and that this wasn’t an entirely uncommon phenomenon for him. He lay on the flood for some time. I ate the sandwiches we had picked up and read about opiates. I had a cigarette. I finished and said I was going to take a nap and that he was welcome to do the same. He did. I napped. Dan napped. When I woke up it was a bit after 2:30. Dan had left. I was more fully awake by a bit after 3:00. I then thought about what I wanted to do. It was a Saturday afternoon. I felt that I should do something. I wasn’t quite feeling it, still being tired and knowing that it would be “solo” time, which frankly I have quite enough of.

>1/N
But, by 3:30 or 4:00 or so I had decided I would try to go to a local park and I would bring my blanket and book if I wanted to read. I was going to go to [garden in the city], or the park near it. I had been there before and thought it looked like a good area to hang out. So, I had showered and dressed and was prepared to go. I got in the car and drove in, having a cigarette on the way and listening the music I had recorded the night before. I had much difficulty finding parking and it took me nearly twenty minutes to find a spot. Fortunately, I was in such a state of mind that I was sad or offput by this at all. I was feeling something like “motivated” by all the young beautiful women around, and I wanted to find a spot. Also, driving my car is a somewhat pleasant activity. So, I found a spot and parked. I began to walk around the park, looking for a place to sit and read. I wanted a spot that was in partial shade, if possible. But more importantly, it needed that right distance from where people would walk and look – far enough as for me to be comfortable and not feel like I’m attracting attention (and I’m part of the scenery), but close enough and visible enough to be seen by women. I walked for quite some time looking for such a spot, but I couldn’t find one. I eventually began to circle back to my car. But I stopped to have a cigarette first. I saw some benches and started to walk towards them. The clouds had been threatening rain since I arrived and it was starting to sprinkle lightly. There was also a large rainbow. As I approached my bench, I passed an older Asian couple who was sitting on a nearby bench. I indicated the rainbow to them, and they seemed happy about it. I continued to my bench and smoked my cigarette.

>3/N
I thought I might try to get some food and dinner on a nearby street, which seemed like a popular area. I walked over and realized I was near [local university]. There were many young, fit, beautiful people. I enjoyed my walk. When I got to the area with the restaurant I wanted to go to, I saw it was very popular and there were many people. I wouldn’t have been comfortable eating alone there. This was the case for some of the other restaurants in the area, whereas others had no people. Sitting alone at an empty restaurant would be equally unpleasant, embarrassing, than would sitting alone at a busy one. I thought. I continued on and back to my car. I drove home. I picked up a 6 pack of Modelo Especial cans on the way. I realized I had nothing to do for the night and was just going to drink and smoke and play music. I texted Dan and invited him to join. I got home. I cracked a beer and got high and played music. I cycled between playing music and smoking cigarettes and weed and starting new drinks for a while. It’s a common thing that I do – one of the premier ways I pass my time alone. I did this for about an hour or two and then realized that I needed to eat and that I didn’t want to prepare food. I called in an order to the local pizza shop, which is only about a quarter mile away.

>4/4
I decided I was going to walk to the pizza shop, something I’ve never done before. It is close. I left my house around 9:00 and walked to the shop. I wished I had brought my knife. Not that it was dangerous, but still. I had really taken a solo night walk recently. Certainly not at this new apartment. There were 3 police cars parked at the pizza shop, and I was several officers inside. They were talking to two people who were sitting down. But it didn’t look “official” or confrontational. I wasn’t pleased that I would be so near to police officers, being that I was drunk and high, but I also wasn’t terribly worried about it. I had nothing on me. I’m a reasonable and respectable person. I realized I had forgot my mask. The “pandemic” is still “a thing” and there is a mandate in place that requires persons to wear face masks indoors. I felt confident that I could ignore the mandate, as this is a fairly casual establishment and I had been in many times before. I went inside and quickly noticed none of the police officers nor any of the employees were wearing masks, and this set me quite at ease. I picked up my food and walked home. I ate it. I smoked another cigarette. I pondered what I ought to do. I thought I would get high and relax, and I prepared to do that. But, I didn’t like that this was such “prime” time – a Saturday night, alone, N years old, bachelor, etc. Lying in bed relaxing while high seemed like a sad waste. I decided I would try to write. And this is what I wrote.

Thought is very much not able to be put into words. It is an impossible task. So much of thought is without language. So much of thought is implicit, or invisible, or entirely visible but these are only flashes of memory and light and feeling which are on the whole indescribable in their purest form, which is the only form in which they really mean anything at all, but they mean only to the thinker. Only to the mind which has thought them. Other people require contextualization, too, of these things, but the thinker does not. There is the inclination the desire the pull to keep your thoughts entirely to oneself to keep for oneself all their mind and not give any to the ears of others for their minds to pervert with their own distorted lens, their own contexts and prejudice and whatever else. I wish to keep this image or something like it and its wonderful associations to me only to myself only because to hear it put into words is to destroy it is to ruin it. I can only hope there will come a person able to understand without words, just understand either through knowledge of me or knowledge of themselves which is in some ways like me so that they may know it in its unadulterated form. The thought. They may know it and because they know it they will know that I know it too and we will look to one another as thieves or brothers or keepers of some mutual secret and love each other all the more for it. We will look at each other with love because there will be no need for words. There will be only silence and relishing for the thought. This is, I think, why a shared sense of humor is among the most important things in life for a friend to have. Often times there are more than one thought at a time. Often times these thoughts overlap one another and so color the other and there are fragments of sight and of sound and olfaction and palpation which interact in a medley of associations. This, you cannot hope to put into words. I think Stein may have come the closest to this. The closest that I know of, anyway.

My hardcover books came in the mail today. I'm very pleased to hold my books as a hardcover. It's one thing to write books but it's another to hold them.
I'm also painting again. They're abstract but whatever, I'm having fun.

I really hate when you get that automated rejection notice after a job application and they say something like "while you weren't successful this time we hope you stay in touch." To be honest, I would much much prefer if they just straight up told you "you're application wasn't strong enough / you aren't qualified enough" etc. etc. because then at least I would be able to tell if I was even close. Hard to know if I didn't get the job because there was just someone else who was better, or if it was because I had no shot to begin with.

>>19119968
Being male isn't an issue for me though. I'm being dramatic because of how frustrating it is to be possessed by this overwhelming craving for sex yet unable to gratify it.

I just want to learn to play music.
I just want to play for myself.
Life gets in the way.
I will never learn.

>>19119831
I’m with you on that.
>>19119881
That’s clearly for a woman

>>19120589
Just pick a whistle/recorder/ocarina up and play something

>>19120234
Neat. I just have nothing to say about your story.

>finished with my masters in English
>all my relatives and family members nagging me about going for PhD
>all my seniors who are doing said PhD are telling me to stay the fuck away from doing it

>>19120638
>all my relatives and family members nagging me about going for PhD

I'm curious as to why your family would encourage you to do a PhD in English. Do they think there is some prestige attached to it? They know it won't land you a job surely. Or are they just very supportive of your interests?

>>19120650
They think I can or should become a professor and that I'd be the first one in my family to have a PhD. They don't really care much about my interest.

>>19120587
just get married

>>19120638
>>19120664
they want you to stay away because there arent even enough spots for them

>>19120626
the thing on the right is supposed to stimulate the prostate through your taint if you have one
but yes women with prostates can use them

just walked past a guy who was having a meltdown in a parking lot. suddenly my life doesn't seem so bad.

>>19120780
If a male put that in his ass the earbud shaped thing would either bump up into his nuts of point away

>>19120780
>yes women with prostates

>>19120819
its for men you dumb twat

>>19120819
it won't

>>19120819
have never seen a penis and balls? there is a lot of space between the asshole and balls

>>19115057
This one is an addict. To work, he must be sober.

>>19120867
do you know who you are replying to?

>>19120889
some old dyke with internet access

>>19117647
>Zizek criticizes SJWs and makes fun of them but he still has all of the same opinions as them.
Like what?

>>19117720
>>Women wrote the Old Testament
???

>>19119831
Im on you with that. Prostate stimulation is nice but thats about it. The rest of experience is just uncomfortable. I cant see why women or fags would enjoy it.

>>19120910
she took a small grain of truth and turned it into feminist bullshit. which is funny because these same lesbo morons screech at the idea of patriarchy that is in the OT. women have shit for brains, best not argue with it

>>19120910
In greentext it means this is what he’s implying. Women didn’t write any of the bible.
I’m saying women invented language. A lofty claim, I know.

>>19120867
I don’t know how big the thing is, but that thing isn’t doing anything that I can see no matter the size.
Weird.

>>19120926
You have shit reading comprehension

I hate my life. I decided to go back to college after being a tradenigger for a few years. I thought it'd be cool, but I'm still a lonely sumbitch, still no social life. I wish I had the balls to just kill myself. There's a lot of people out there who would kill to be me. Maybe they'd do a better job at being me, I don't know. Anyway, what I'd do if I wasn't such a pussy is buy a pistol and a motorcycle and ride back to [redacted] and go to the [redacted] hotel for a sumptuous last meal, then shoot myself through the medulla oblongata right outside.

My family would be devastated but they'd understand I think. I have a couple of good friends from the old place but they don't need me. My life so far has been characterized by an inability to develop relationships with other people so I think I am justified in doing it.

>>19120936
>I’m saying women invented language.
Even if that is true, then what did they do with that?

>>19120939
funny that you didnt take the time to clarify anything

>>19120949
Anon, you shouldn't be worried about your death. Life will kill you anyway.

>>19120956
>>19120936

What else do you need to know?

>>19120972
you know what? just shut up. go knit a pussyhat or something

thinking about the time me and dude DPd this chick 5 years my senior

i put a pinky in my stinky winky
then my pinky got all stinky
and my winky made stinky all over the sinky

>>19120983
I ain’t no Hillary voting pussy hat marcher, bitch

>>19115367
>>19115444
I want to be your friend and call you a faggot nigger for every single dumb decision you make or thing you say, Anon. I completely get you.

>>19121054
likely story

>>19115057
I was never really bullied but was a skinny friendless loner in middle school. My family ended up moving after the 7th grade and I had a much easier time socially at my new school, and once I started highschool I started working out I was in the chad echelon at least fitness wise.

Anyway I say all of this because I ended up randomly running into one of the jocks from the middle school that I moved away from a couple weeks ago at a bar when I was visiting my parents. He was a few inches taller then me but besides that I completely mogged him. He didn't look like he worked out at all. He was like the former frat bro stereotype where somehow he's lanky but also has a beer belly. His appearance made me feel embarrassed for his sake for what I remembered him as being. I wouldn't say I resented him specifically prior to this, more like a lot of the jocks that made me feel pathetic in middle school and didn't want to be my friend had been a sort of psychological force at the back of my mind since then stirring up old insecurities about myself. Now this hasn't been strong in my subconscious for years now but sometimes late at night when your half conscious between sleep and awareness when you can kind of get a sense for your subconscious I could still see it there sometimes.

Anyway comparing myself to the actual physical reality was a bit jarring. Definitely made me feel kind of good, but also weirdly kind of disappointed. Like one of my motivating opponents for looking good has thrown in the towel and no longer wants to challenge me.

Now too much bullying is a really negative thing and can turn you slavish and resentful psychologically, but I think to reach your fullest potential its necessary to have felt some insecurity or been put down somewhat to motivate yourself to overcome that challenge, because its only those that can learn to overcome and face things that put you down that can do really great things I think.

>>19121082
you could also look at it this way: he moved on and you are still in middle school. food for thought.

How do people get the strength to post things about their intereston social media ? like the music, the movie, the tv shows, the books or even worst, their own arts. Everytime I try to post something even if it's just a normie tier song that I like, I get extremely scared and paranoid. These intrusive thoughts of me getting ridiculed for something that I enjoy and falling off in the esteem of these people due to said thing. This makes me hide my interests from everyone , just a whole side of me that no one knows about. For that reason, I feel like I'm never truly myself.

That's why I'm making an effort to change that. I don't want to be embarrassed by anything that I enjoy. I want to be who I really am but it's so fucking hard. I posted something today which is an improvement but it's also why im paranoid as shit typing such messages.

>>19121229
I get paranoid of such because I am afraid the CIA or FSB or the like is watching and tracking my activities, likes, opinions, etc. I try to throw false trails for them though.
>Be me, want to read a leftist work
>Do so, but then watch Nazi tribute videos on /wsg/ so my opinions are obfuscated
>Vote Democrat, but upvote/follow Republicans on social media
>Read Evola, but then praise leftist thinking on /lit/

>>19121229
i dont know if this will be helpful or not, but something i noticed about myself is that i have always ridden the line between serious and foolish. this wasn't something i always did consciously, but looking back it was definitely something that i did deliberately if that makes any sense. if there was a fully realized thought process it would be this: play the fool to break the ice, then be serious when it counts. by doing this i have always been able to make friends and never be judge to the point of ridicule. most people i have ever known have liked me and respected me. you ever seen one of those saws wiggle and make that wibblewobble noise? if you slowed that down, that would be me. dont be stiff, and you'll be fine

>>19121243
the CIA definitely gives a shit whether you vote democrat or republican or what you read

>>19121243
>>19121277
its true, we do

>>19121263
I feel even more embarrassed when it's a silly thing meant to be funny

>>19121323
then dont feel that way

>>19121327
easier said than done, but I try

>>19121323
i think you misunderstood what i wrote, and granted i probably wasnt clear. the point is to make yourself look more retarded than you are, so that when people call you retarded you know inside that you aren't that retarded. you aren't trying to be charming by being retarded, you are trying to be retarded.

Cold night, as usual. The heavy winds and sounds of horns from freighters in the middle of the night makes district 10 look like paradise. I always wondered what made district 13 what it is today: filled with garbage, sludge filled slums, broken down hovers, crakies terrorizing the locals, what brought us here? The big wigs in the upper streets or the annexations of the new civilization. I don’t care much for politics, but it seems that more and more news are filling the transmissions with these “humans”. I don’t mind alien beings, they’re pretty worthwhile, work wise so to speak, and easy to get along too. But these “humans” are special. Hearing the chatters with Suros about the weaponry they have and use among their kind. “Projectile mass” he says. “These things are ingenious! I honestly would’ve never thought of smelting blobs of metals to these pee sized projectiles. They pass through protective shielding! What in the what Srhieb, we need their brains!”
I always like laser ammunition, but these “bullets” are something. I rarely hear good news about new annexations to the confederacy, but the humans sound promising. Williams even showed me his new toy he got from these aliens, they call it a “revolver”. Cute little thing, but he can’t stop talking about how cool it looks, and the punch it packs. “I shot a bloke in the face and it made a painting in the walls with his brain. You got to see it sometime Jett”. I always thought I was crazy, but the way he told me that made it seem I was sane.
Actually, I am crazy. Why did I think it was a good idea to accept this job any way: “I will pay you ten million confederate units, untraceable, to you if you kill senator Kalabar. I’ll give you half now and half later when he’s dead”. Some creep on the hub contacted me two weeks ago for this job. Normally I’d stay away from politicians, but that ten million sounds too good to be passed, especially if I get half on hand now and the rest later. Kalabar huh? He’s a big guy, old too, maybe around 200 years? He can barely walk, judging from past stake outs like this. He shouldn’t be much of a fight. I think.

I hate me being a sensitive and moody guy. It feels like its here just to fuck me over in any situation. Theres nothing good about it.

My 3rd grade cousin was told today about the 9/11 incident and he asked me, why didn't God protect those who are in the building. Still stuck in my mind on how is the best way to answer that type of question to a 3rd grader. I answered "God is not everywhere and therefore He can't protect everyone". I really think that it's a bad answer.

I've recently started hooking up with a girl who bullied me back in highschool and I have to say, fucking someone who used to hate you is honestly the best feeling ever, it's like taming a wild animal

>in fiction workshop
>read out my story
>professor stops me as I reach the cunnilingus scene
>"it's borderline pornographic"
I'm sick of this nonsense. Every time I write something with sexual or religious themes, they tell me it's too much. These academic types have no vision.

>>19121464
Based. How'd you swing that, anon?

>>19121421
You can change, anon. When I was about 21 or 22 I realised that I was sick of being the moody, sensitive guy. I realised that I wanted to be like those people I admired, the ones who were happy and outgoing. So I changed my attitude and started living like the kind of guy I wanted to be. I am 100x happier now than I was then. I know I make it sound easy, but you have to live like the type of person you want to be. If you are not happy with who are now, know that that isn't fixed, you can change.

Consciousness is not separate from the body. It is the symbolic articulation of bodily processes. So what use is there in the mind thinking of itself as separate? Is it a biological abberation? Is consciousness itself mental illness?

>>19121459
You should have told him the truth: God was with the Muslims. You know deep in your hearth your satanic nation deserved it.

>>19121514
That does make sense but i'm more talking about being predispositioned towards sensitivity and susceptibility to mood changes. Sure, i can live with that but it only brings the negative experiences in general instead of being a fuel for creativity.

Don't sleep tonight.
https://youtu.be/4a1Qw4jQqrM

>>19121558
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksNj4oCIqwA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ6_watYMvc

>>19121558
oi i know this guy. fredy perlman's son lmao
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuH2Q1KA4vU
his little label is cool too

>>19121567
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4wqPsf0gxA

>>19121528
um...hello cbrfe department?

>>19121558
>>19121567
>>19121574
>>19121588
>>/mu/

>>19121532
exposure therapy

>>19121601
Shut the fuck up pussy

>>19121608
i can tell you have a very very loose butthole

>>19121574
good guy. good label. good music

>>19121614
i just reaalzed i wrote "fredy" instead of "ron" FUCK

>>19121528
Kek. Sadly we're not from the USA. That would be a great answer if we live in USA and if they knew what Muslim is.

>>19113358
>she's comfortable with you touching her breasts because she's a whore.

To be fair, she's doing it for free though

>>19121606
exposure towards what? being fake around others?

>>19121629
exposure to that which you are afraid of

>>19121632
Im not really afraid of having mood swings and being sensitive but rather i hate that its a big part of me and theres nothing good about it.

I've found a business opportunity that I think would be very enjoyable. So more like a very profitable hobby. Haven't been this excited and motivated to earn money in a long time lads.

I stopped coming to /lit/ since the chink spam. I browse maybe 15 minutes a week. It's always worse than I last remembered.

>>19121921
>wasting 13 hours a year on 4chan

everyone seems like the same group so it s always a snakehole to walk into.
dying is frightening but there s another one more annoying: finding a familiar face in the witch hunt crowd saying "i told you so" which is so gay and faggot i hope can kill me by just thinking about

>>19121921
isn't everything?

>>19121622
make sure your kid knows God is everywhere and protects everyone. thing is that things only make sense in the perspective of an afterlife, which seems like a cope but is true. I don't know how to tell a child this: "God let them die, like he lets everyone die, and that's ok"

>>19122110
things make sense despite the afterlife in christianity because of such a strong theological foundation

>>19122110
this would backfire and is literally the easiest way to instill an infantile death anxiety in a person
why is religion still a thing, man

>>19122181
because the spirit does not die

>>19121921
fart

>>19120632
Thank you for reading it. I sincerely appreciate that. I'm glad you thought it was neat.

>>19115057
incels are right about everything except for the belief that their celibacy is involuntary, ironic really

>>19122638
is this image meant to complement the observation in any way?

I can't find a koan I read here once. Here it is best as I can recall:

> A monk asks another monk:
> Monk 1: When one understands everything, what then?
> Monk 2: I understand even less!
> Monk 1: But brother, how can this be? Do you not know what is?
> Monk 2: Of course I do, I'm not a log am I?
> Monk 1: What a fine lack of understanding!
> Monk 2: *claps and laughs*

>>19122881
Ah, found it. Google is not total crap just yet:

A monk asked, "When I am completely void of understanding,
what then?"
Joshu said, "I understand even less."
The monk said, "Master, do you not know what is?"
Joshu said, "I am not a log. Why shouldn't I know?"
The monk said, "What a fine lack of understanding!"
Joshu clapped his hands and laughed

I think having the majority of my reading be dead or foreign language originals has been a huge mistake. You need to read in your own language, of your own nation and even locality, as much as possible.

>>19122938
Pfft, that's excessive. Calm down.

>>19122774
shut up

Two weeks later and I'm ending it with the Muslim woman. She doubled down on "muh religion" and I can't fucking stand it anymore. This is not an admission that the posters in this thread were right.

>>19123414
>She doubled down on "muh religion"
Good for her! I never told you because it's between the two of you, but I really hoped she would choose this. Though, of course, God alone knows what will happen, maybe she changes her mind, I don't know, but either way.

>>19123414
lmao, thank god she will never let someone as retarded as you fuck her. Some people in this world still understand the importance of sex.

>>19123436
Actually the problem is she can't make up her fucking mind. On one hand she wants to see me, goes out of her way to track me down, and agrees to meet up. On the other, she places limits on what we can do.

She wants to have her cake and eat it too and I'm getting jerked around for it, so I'm fucking out.

So really nothing has changed; I'm just sick of it.

>God alone knows what will happen, maybe she changes her mind
There is no god and even if she does, I won't be there.

>I don't know, but either way.
That's fine I do.

>>19123455
She would if she could. The problem is she's trying to get there without compromising her beliefs, which is not possible given who I am.

So we're stuck in this weird limbo and I'm fed up. No one wins; we both lose. I'm just the one who is making the call because she won't.

>>19123469
Of course she's not going to make good decisions as to who she allows herself to get attached to, she's a retarded girl. That's what God and the threat of honor killings are there for, to will her into making the proper choice.

It's both your fault for trying to fuck this poor, confused and clearly simple girl and her fault for being too dumb to recognize you for what you are and for what you were doing.

>>19123457
i've been seeing a muslim chick for years now. she and her family are fairly liberal or she wouldn't be chilling with a catholic, but just know she will never be alone with a man she isn't related to by marriage or blood. if you're trying for a quick lay in college it's not gonna happen with muslim girls dude. also she has no social media and won't even wear short sleeve shirts. the doesn't wear a hijab tho. anyways, if you get involved with a muslim girl better be prepared to go all the way, and to get married her family is going to want you to have money to buy a house and support a family, no bums.

>>19123485
Fuck off, brozzer.

>>19123487
>just know she will never be alone with a man she isn't related to by marriage or blood
You might have missed my posts from the earlier thread, but she has been alone with me and I've seen her hair.

>if you're trying for a quick lay in college it's not gonna happen with muslim girls dude
Literally not what I'm interested in with her.

>better be prepared to go all the way, and to get married her family is going to want you to have money to buy a house and support a family
This is what I'm interested in with her.

>>19123505
lol i don't go on /lit/ much anymore, didn't see the thread sorry. also, the muslim world is huge and multicultural so i suppose it depends on her national culture too. the thing that surprised me about the relationship is that my dad was ice cold about it. i've dated girls from different races before and he always asked about them and wished me well, but he is silent about this girl and if i try to bring her up like "hey we were talking about marriage the other day" he just goes silent and tries to change the subject. this dude never took me to mass once in my life, and now he wants to get mad about religion?

>>19121126
I don't really get this. We're all stuck in our insecurities from childhood when we were psychologically developing. Moving on anyway seems cowardly like you're running from yourself.

which of these bible translations in epub format is /lit/ approved

i've beenreading some adler lately and i think he's underrated probably because the stuff he says is insightful but moderate and not shocking. guys like freud (we are driven to fuck everything including our mom and cigars) or skinner (we are just big mice seeking a dopamine drip) shock us with these offensive grand narratives so their theories come with more gravitas, but i find adler so far to be insightful and practical in a way some of these big meme dudes are not.

>>19123580
KJV because it was written by a committee of philologists contemporary with shakespear or dhouey-rheims because it is translated from the vulgate that was translated from the originals while the ancient world was still contemporary.

>>19123540
>the muslim world is huge and multicultural so i suppose it depends on her national culture too.
Nah, this is a secret relationship. Her parents don't know and that's part of the problem. She can meet up on campus, show me her hair, and talk about sex and relationships stuff, but can't go on a lunch date with me.

The other things is that I don't think she really understands her own religion. She just has rules she's supposed to follow in order to fit into the nice little box that her parents/community built for her and she does it because she gets praise for being "proper", even if she doesn't understand the greater implications of her blind compliance.

She's really great, just kind of naive and retarded from being sheltered in her narrow religious community.

Which is part of why I'm leaving. She's great; just can't be together because she's too rigid/closed-minded.

>my dad was ice cold about it
I've been looking into Islam since I started hanging with her and I didn't realize just how it is basically Christianity: Arabic Edition. I imagine there's a lot to unpack there for your father. Has your father had much in person interaction with her? Does he know what she's like as a person beyond her religion?

>>19123580
KJV if prot
Douay-Rheims if cath

>>19123457
> There is no god

You are deluded.

>>19123651
You should actually try reading some books other than the Quran sometime.

>>19123598
>can't go on a lunch date
oh yes i know how this can be, every so often we might be able hit up a halal truck or something, but it's a rarity. we can never just go do something. we always have to plan it.

i need to increase my income a lot if i'm going to marry her, i hope i can pull it off before her family demand she marry someone else. it's not that they're materialistic, but if she stays home to take care of kids i need to make enough to provide for both us. if it doesn't work i'm going to move out of the city to somewhere rural and just go tradcath.,but god willing she'll be my wife.

Making new friends as an introvert adult is almost impossible. I realize now how I took this for granted in my school days.

>>19123662
>We always have to plan it
We can't even plan it. I gave her the reigns on what we would do/where we would go just so it wasn't as much of an imposition on her, but she just straight declined. Didn't stop her from agreeing to 3 on-campus hang outs though.

>god willing she'll be my wife
Good luck, my man. You seem like a good person. I hope it all works out for you.

>>19123700
Being introverted and being confident are not mutually exclusive. You can still make friends and you still have time.

>>19122222
nice quints

She appears composed

>>19123711
Yeah, you're probably right, but it's not the same as when we had an excuse to interact with a large, diverse group of people our age almost every day for years.

>>19123833
>it's not the same as when we had an excuse to interact with a large, diverse group of people our age almost every day for years.
You're just looking for a crutch. Shut the fuck out and get out there in whatever way works for you. Join a club, volunteer somewhere, talk to the people at your work, pick up a social hobby. You need to PROBLEM SOLVE instead of COMPLAIN.

>>19123505
this is a very good translation
https://www.amazon.com/Clear-Quran-Dr-Mustafa-Khattab/dp/097730096X

>>19121059
Thanks fren :)

The horror of being cheated on lives with me almost every day. And I'm not sure it's even happened yet. The whole world seems full of people cheating on each other. Horror is everywhere

>>19123875
Same man, the best we can all do is our due diligence when we pick our partner and then everything in our power to keep our relationships strong.

>>19123848
To try and recapture a small fragment of that magic? Adults are not as open, they have serious problems to deal with, little time to spare, and even less time to give trying to befriend some introverted weirdo. But you're right, that's all that's left, might as well accept it.

thanks to the anon who made a thread about the "two arms one head" journal/book. i read the whole thing. now I'm going through a period where listening to other people's common life complaints feels like small beans with respect to living in a cage each day. i don't know what to think anymore.

>>19123886
>>19123875
Both of you suck.

>>19123867
I'll see you in hell.

>>19123887
>Isn't open himself
>"Adults are not as open"
I wonder where the problem lies?

>they have serious problems to deal with
Correct. Being an adult is harder than being a child because you're no longer shielded from reality by your parents.

>little time to spare
Depends on who you are. I'm 30 and I have plenty of time to spare.

>and even less time to give trying to befriend some introverted weirdo
Maybe instead of worrying about the AMOUNT of time you spend with others, you should be worried about the QUALITY of the time you spend?

>But you're right, that's all that's left, might as well accept it.
There's two places you go from here: back from where you came or to a brighter future. Remember: you can't lose if you already have nothing.

>>19123875
It is more rampant, but the best thing you can do is like >>19123886 said and FILTER low-interest/retarded women. Also, always be developing yourself. Women cheat if they are retarded/uninterested in you (filter) or are bored (develop).

>>19123901
If they both suck, then what does that make you for hanging out in these threads and putting people down all fucking day?

>>19123934
last poster. Seems youre projecting a bit. Wanna talk?

>>19123944
u mad?

>>19123934
Well ok, I'll try going out and doing something, talking to new people. If it doesn't work out I can always come back here to whine and shitpost. Thank you, anon.

>>19123949
I dont appreciate cheaters I suppose. Would rather be insulted and dropped by a girlor guy than cheated on. Not mad but perplexed

>>19123957
you can't really make friendship just by talking to random people. you have to become part of a community. for many people that is through work or a house of worship, but it could also be a gym, a charity, a or anything else where you can regularly interact with a cohort of 10 to 50 people.

I'm feeling very sick but I haven't done a checkup in a year because past the surface worry of things in my body not functioning well I don't really care. Sometimes I go to sleep and think I might die overnight and I think that's OK. I'm also starting to leave my food and I spend most of my day asleep. I've had a period of extreme depression years ago and it scarred me for life, I don't know if I want to endure another 2-3 years of this. I just don't have the energy and there is no real reason to keep going at the end of the path. Everything that would make me happy is way beyond my reach. I can only exist to work and feed myself to live yet another day after unhappy horrible day.
I'm tired of trying to make friends via the internet. I came here because I wanted to escape people IRL, people online aren't any different. I just don't like people, I don't like life, I don't like the things I am supposed to do to feel good. I don't want to keep going anymore.

>>19123971
I thought you were >>19123901, who is just shit flinging like an autist. If you're >>19123875, then there's no problem. I just wanted to offer what I thought was relevant advice.

>>19123957
>>19123985 is right. You have to be smart about it. If you just approach random people, it may work out, but it's easier with a social lubricant like a shared interest etc.

>be me
>20
>in uni, excellent grades, got a substantial scholarship
>will move to my own apartment next Friday
>been lifting heavy for the past 4 months, loving the process and the noobie gains
>recently started investing a little bit
>have a loving gf which I will marry once I'm finished with university
>my family (that is my mom and my grandma) are proud of me
>I know grandpa would be proud too
I'm genuninely happy bros

The world really seems unbearably evil to me. The people in it unbearably evil. I'm living what on the surface is a well-adjusted life but I'm in some American Psycho nightmare land in my mind. Cruelty seems endemic. When can we go to heaven?

>>19124017
Oh no I was that poster but I happened to misread. My apologies

>>19124017
>>19123985
I understand, I was already thinking along those lines, I'm not THAT socially inept. I'll start a new job soon, I'll see how it goes from there before considering some club or something.

>>19124020
then why are you here?

>>19124052
Because I love you.

now that we're back in the office this trans who got fake tits during remote work is sexually harassing everyone constantly and it's making me reevaluate my support for the lgbtqqia+ community. hr won't doing anything because as a bipoc trans she's a real catch from a diversity perspective, and the top man at the company is an open homosexual. i think i'm going to quit soon.

>>19124048
You just want an easy way out. I think you should consider more than just your job. My rationale is not important. Just know I am right.

>>19123886
Cheers mate. Due diligence is quite uncertain though, and doesn't always work of course. Helps just to know others feel the same though

>>19124091
>Due diligence is quite uncertain though

What do you mean by that? As in what due diligence is in each relationship is different? Of course but you learn those things through conversation and time spent.

>>19124118
I mean I did my due diligence (or so I thought) and it was quite wrong. Eh what can you do

>>19124091
the biggest redflag someone will cheat on you is that they fuck you before they break up with their previous relationship. my sister's ex-husband acted so betrayed when she cheated on him before the divorce, but she started cheating on her previous bf to marry that guy, what did he expect?

Stuck talking to the same fucking girl over and over, mutual dependence with no chance of a relationship. I'm obviously addicted and coping but I feel I have a duty to help her in some way with a particular problem she has. It's what Don Quixote would do right? And I have a particular skill that helps her with the problem that none of her other friends have. Talk me away from her lads

>>19124127
My situation is really weird - she hasn't cheated, we haven't even had sex yet because she wanted to take things slow, but then she told me she doesn't want a relationship and she cheated on all her exes, so she's given up on relationships. She is, frankly, mental

>>19124137
yeah, get the fuck out man

>>19124137
i think chicks with a big sexual history who suddenly don't want to fuck in a new relationship realized giving up the goods easily to any cocky dude doesn't lead to anything meaningful so now they are trying to change their ways, but it probably won't take. also if you find out she actually was fucking some other dude the whole time she told you she was giving up slutting, you'll be bitter. not worth it, better to let her pass.

>>19124031
Don't worry, you'll get there eventually.

>>19124020
Fuck you and your success

>>19124131
I've been in a similar situation for years with a girl back at uni. We were constantly teetering on the edge of a relationship, we had sex every once in a while and we could be described as very close when our cycles of loneliness were in sync, but we were never willing to be more than that at the same time. In the end we had a fight about something trivial and we haven't talked since. It wasn't anything to end a friendship over, but we both realized (at least I assume she had the same experience) that we just didn't care enough about the other to break the ice and reach out. It showed that we were only friends because of convenience and loneliness and it was worth nothing in the end.

I'm writing this out, because if you have a real connection or friendship, you should just stop being a bitch and keep helping her, that's what friends must do. If however you feel like your situation is the same as the one I described, there isn't any point to keeping this thing going, you are just torturing yourself.

>>19124182
Why?

it's finally dawning on me that my life-narrative is not that of the lover, someone on a happy and realized relationship, but that of the poète who laments not having that narrative and dies prematurely after publishing one book of verse. i hate it, but it really feels like there's no alternative.

>>19124020
good luck in life, anon. live it well for the rest of us

>>19124187
I really do feel the connection, but it's too tied into me wanting a relationship and her not. If I help as though we were just friends am I cucking myself or following my better nature? There's a lot of 4channy incel bullshit floating around now that makes it impossible to know how to behave like a good man towards someone that's ultimately rejected you

New thread
>>19124230

>>19124232
new bread

>>19124228
Does she know all this? If yes and the answer is still no, don't torture yourself over this and just end it. Going deeper into this is the worst thing you can do for yourself. I'm not talking about some 4chan notion of cucking yourself or whatever, it's just not healthy to do this to yourself.

>>19124237
Why make a second thread when another one was already made? The same shit happened with this thread.

>>19124280
Looks like they were made at about the same time. Just multiple people trying to keep it going

>>19124020
I'm happy for you, anon.

>>19124291
Again, the same when this thread was created.

>>19124233
>>19124237
>>19124322
It is as foretold, the final battle between Goku and Jebus.

>>19124131
i'm in the same situation. what i'm doing is following it through to the bitter end until i work up enough courage to kill myself or finish the literary work i wanna do before doing it. don't end up like me, please

>>19124237
How did this one devolve into a schizo journal

>>19124350
Looks like Goku won in the end.