/lit/ - Literature

i want to be fucked by sexy illuminati femme fatale

>>17843869
ayy lmao

>>17843930
>not the alien
Sex lasts an hour, sex with illuminati alien lasts for an eternity in the stories people will tell

> parents didn't read, didn't encourage reading
> didn't love reading until around 25 years old
> hasn't written anything by 28
Is it even possible for such a person to write great literature? There are plenty of writers who didn't get their break until later, but I can't think of any that weren't steeped in literature since childhood.

>>17844078
ofc it is. literature is just words. dont let anybody gatekeep you.

>>17843869
I wish to learn Chinese, but I am afraid people will think I am a CCP shill/sympathizer if I do

>>17844078
Upbringing doesnt really mean anything. My parents are huge into literature and i grew up with our living room basically being a library. I always thought it was normal until i went over to friends houses. And yet i didn't get into literature until very recently (24)

>>17844094
Nobody is gatekeeping. In fact, it's almost the opposite. I'm sure if you were to search this question via Google you'd come up with all sorts of Quora and Reddit hits asking the same with the near-universal response of "Absolutely, it is". But I'm suspicious of the crowd. My own observations seem to suggest something to the contrary.

>>17844156
youre on 4chan. people here will gatekeep you. you are disaffected and dont believe the positivist bullshit of quora normies. i'm just doing the job of a miserable 4chan autist telling you gatekeeping is still bullshit.

you want my opinion? you're probably going to be a bad writer. you're possibly a boring and unintelligent and uninteresting person with nothing to say if you've got this long without reading writing etc.

but genius can strike anywhere. many youths write garbage and many older writers do their best work in age. everybody is different. no one formula applies.

what matters is if you feel the desire to write you should write and dont let anyone or any stupid mental block stop you.

I'm in my final year. Deadlines are piling up and pressure keeps building. I'm not sure if it's just my overthinking but I feel like talking to anyone about this struggle in a non-ironic way makes me feel like an attention seeker. Instead this increasing struggle increases my struggle which eventually leads me to procrastinate really hard and catch up in an evening. Sometimes these evening/night catch up nights produce really good results so I don't really have negative repercussions that often. I fear this habit will bite me in my ass the moment I am out of college.

>>17843869
The only significant truth is that most human beings are generally good until someone fucks with them.

>>17844207
That's not what "positivist" means

>>17844221
no, the real whateverpill is that human beings, or the vast majority of, are neither good nor evil by nature, though all hold potential for both, but are extremely malleable and basically sheep, as in new testament parables

>>17844008
i am the alien

>>17844144
i can assure you that most people you know already think you're a retarded faggot so they probably won't be too concerned with the language you've chosen to learn

>>17844238
eat my ass u niger

>>17843869
Saturn in 1st house

>>17844207
>you're possibly a boring and unintelligent and uninteresting person with nothing to say if you've got this long without reading writing etc.
Exactly. If I were meant to be a writer, I probably would've done so already, or at least expressed an interest much earlier.
>what matters is if you feel the desire to write you should write and dont let anyone or any stupid mental block stop you
Oh. I'm far too self-conscious and doubtful to do that. You've already exposed me and I basically discovered that this was the last thing I wanted to do with my life anyway so I suppose that will just be that.

>>17844305
very rude

maybe its not that you grew out of teenage angst, maybe its that you stopped caring at all. and maybe growing up is just another lie, told by boys who like to dominate you with their eyes. how much weight does a word carry in your head when talking isnt about words at all.

I'm getting a bit further on my theoretical governing body that nurtures humans in a way that the current ones barely manage. Here's what I've got so far:
>Collectivism vs Individualism
Essentially an East vs West problem, but I find it worth understanding the differences as it might be worth working on a true synthesis between the two. I find the differences especially intriguing because if we think back to before civilization, tribal society relied on both the individual and the tribe itself to succeed. If we lean to heavily on the individual, the collective starts to fail and if we lean too much on the collective, the individual grows weaker. Finding a way to make this work on a societal scale may vastly improve the happiness of the society.
>Truth: Just read a book bro
The poison currently eating away at the world is the overabundance of deceipt and half-truths helped in no small part by the accessibility of the internet. All this will result in is everyone being their own hero with their own version of the truth or becoming outright apathetic while malice is free to run rampant as the "heroes" are too busy going at each others throats. A step in the right direction would me a strong centralized education system that goes far beyond libraries and schools. The primary issue of modern education is accessibility and attitude. The former can be fixed with a more centralized basis of knowledge, while the latter would require generations to fix or [censored].
>Gubment and you, how to be a revolutionary by being agreeable
Government, I believe is a misnomer for what it should be. At the heart of a country should be a strong core that supports its people from below instead of reaching over. It'd be hard to imagine a Justice System that can exist without going over its populace, but the rest of the core should easily be comprised of anything that gives the individual a higher standing in life.

But thats an extreme diet version of whats been on my mind recently. Am I stupid or am I retarded?

I believe I will look back on this as a good era in my life

>>17844375
Y'know what? I'm gonna gatekeep your ass. But its not that I'm keeping your ass out, I'm keeping you in.
WRITE SOMETHING
WRITE IT NOW
WRITE FUCKING ANYTHING
OR ITS OFF TO THE GAOL

I have recently started a course on American literature and I have to say that I hadn't realized till now how expansive and interesting it is. I now know how mistaken the people who call out America on not having any culture are.

>>17843869
I've been feeling much better regarding my depersonalization, I can feel like a human being again instead of a prisoner inside my own brain, but I'm still vaguely anxious about most things, from how the mind works how I've wasted my life. I'm 29 years old, for fuck's sake and I have done absolutely nothing with my life.

>>17844210
It does. You won't mature out of it any more than you mature into having muscles. The only way to get muscles is to make the positive change in your life to be the kind of person who works out regularly, just like the only way to stop being a procrastinator is to make a similarly large-scale change. Except it's even more serious because you're not training your physical visible body but your invisible mind.

It's a shit way to live if you ever want to be productive. Learning good work habits, the ability to work concertedly on what you should be working on rather than hail marying it at the finish line every time, is one of the most important parts of youth, and incidentally one of the things that is suffering most in our culture.

>>17844550
As a youth who has a strong work ethic, but shit time management skills, I can confirm this suffering is real.

I need advice,

My current lease is set to expire this summer and I have 2 weeks remaining to let my landlord know if I'll be renewing for a year after that. At the same time, I'm really unhappy with my job and I plan to leave it soon. What for? I don't know but I don't want to continue doing this and I don't have to continue doing this so I'm not going to. For the time being, I work remotely so it's of little consequence. All of this should be fine because both of my parents (divorced) have offered to allow me to live in their homes until I figure out what I'm doing. I haven't told them about the job thing but I have told them about the lease thing. I'm lucky that they are willing to help me out but the thing is, I really don't want to move in with them. I've actually been trying to distance myself from my family somewhat recently and in the past, I've found living with them really difficult. I'm trying to take myself and my life in a different direction and I find that really hard to do with either of them. It's like they bind me down to the child that I don't want to be.

So now I'm stuck between renewing this lease for another year in a place I don't even want to be in just to continue to be on my own and moving back in with the parents knowing it's counterproductive to everything I'm trying to do.

>>17844548
>I'm 29 years old, for fuck's sake and I have done absolutely nothing with my life.
Join the club. We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves, as absurd as that is to say (you can only be hard on yourself and necessarily should be). In reality, our parents, our schools, our communities, pretty much everyone failed us and failed us big. I can't speak for others but for me, there was either a very obvious lack of guidance or guidance that was actually harmful. It's easy to identify this in retrospect but you don't know it as a kid. We were sentenced to walk the desert for ourselves, by ourselves.

it has to be a part of every good society that the men tell the women not to be whores

>>17844694
doesnt matter anymore.

>>17844153
It's tricky. On one hand, 24 doesn't feel that long ago and I feel like I'm more or less the same as I was at 24, but on the other hand, I feel a huge difference between your late 20s, and your early or middle 20s. You probably will too. If there's something you think you might want to do, do it now, especially if it's a creative thing.

>>17844715
because it is too late?

>>17844784
it's been too late for the last 60 years

>>17844795
doesn't change the fact

>>17843869
>big scary crane fly in my study
>ethical principles prevent me from killing it
>cant continue taking notes on my book until he takes the hint and walks out the door
LEAVE

Why do I only attract crazy people?

>>17844888
At least you attract people.

>>17843869
why wont my boyfriend have sex with me

>>17844962
You are fat and he's cheating on you.

>>17844962
Because he's not gay, he's just lonely.

>>17844078
It's over after college, whenever that happens to be. Almost any really notable writer that didn't have a certain shtick like say, Bukowski started writing in college or younger. Murakami, who by the way is not that great, is always touted as a guy who didn't start writing until he was 29 because he's a Nobel contender-tier writer, but both of his parents were literature teachers and he studied drama. So yes, the guy was steeped in literature long before he ever became a writer. Hell, even more, modern authors like Houllebecq, who still has something of a shtick, submitted regularly to literary journals as an undergraduate. The cold hard truth is that it's over.

>>17845042
im female

>>17845074
did you ask him?

>>17845076
sort of, he said he doesnt like it. hes had sex before and i havent though. sigh.

>And then MARDUK was deep inside me, and in the instant of his deepest penetration my consciousness burst from the singularity of my own familiar body and I became multitudes of bodies all filled with MARDUK thrusting in parallels of frequencies throughout my many pussies, young tight pussies and more experienced welcoming pussies and pussies right on the cusp, I was many pussies but MARDUK was one, one cock pulsating and reciprocating throughout all of the various forms of me

>>17845097
get on your knees and offer him a blowjob

>>17845074
Oh okay then. Did you have copious amounts of sex before and then the honeymoon period is over? With my exes the first 6 months or so was nothing but plow town and eventually life got more in the way, social obligations and other stressors were more important than fucking all the time we had together. There’s lots of little things that are kinky that can delight the spark, but it’s all temporary. Anal and chokers only do so much. The issue is likely some underlying psychological problem. He either doesn’t find you attractive, is cheating, has mad anxiety about pleasing you, locks up and doesn’t know how to ask it, got tired of you, is so busy with the rest of his little world he just can’t, maybe he’s developed a deep addiction to something else like drinking gaming or gambling.

There’s a lot of things it could be anon. I’m sorry to hear that.

>>17845097
>he said he doesnt like it
and you believe him?

>>17845102
thanks anon. ill try that.
>>17845107
ive never had sex with him or for that matter anyone. hes told me how attractive i am and how im the prettiest girl hes ever been with. but its much less that i want to have sex with him and more that i want him to want to have sex with me, like with his past girlfriends. i dont get to see him often because he lives rather far, but i see him next week and im gonna try to make a move.

idk what to believe.

>>17845097
First time I got laid I didn’t really like it. She was a little heavy and didn’t love me. Since then I’ve had lots of one night stands that felt just as bad, but when you’re drunk you think it all feels great. No, but seriously sex gets better with a partner the more you do it, the better you learn their body and tastes and preferences. It’s really quite fantastic if you can get there. I presume he just had an awful time and would prefer porn. Who knows. No one but you, anon.

>>17845147
i just want to get there and share that bond with him. because hes shared it with women before and i want to share it with him too. i know he had an awful time, i just dont wanna force it onto him.

>>17845164
Anon, just jump his fucking bones after a few beers. Do all those little things that overwhelm the sense and lead him to not say no. You got this. Just objectify yourself enough and take the lead. Men these days are all a bunch of pussies.

Test

I'll spare you all the drama and just say simply that I have suicidal ideation. I know some of you can sympathize with t his but I think about it a lot and I usually feel like it's the most obvious and only thing I should do. However, I also have this feeling that maybe if I didn't feel so alone, I would find a reason to keep going. It's like if just one person needed me, that's all I would need. So I'm looking for lit about this. I would prefer fiction because that somehow sinks in more. If anyone has any recommendations, I'd appreciate it.

>>17845177
he doesnt drink :pain:

>>17845186
Unironically infinite jest and 1q84.

>>17844221
>The only significant truth is that most human beings are generally good until someone fucks with them.


This! I have been planning and plotting to handicap some asshole in the last one year

>>17845186
good luck on your search anon

>>17845194
The fuck is he some 17 year old straight edge zoomer fornite playing faggot? Jesus Christ anon, how are you attracted to an internet boyfriend like that? How weak willed and lonely can you be to settle for someone that can barely satisfy your needs, let alone function within a given social context. Image, you two are married for 20 years and you fucked once to make a baby and that’s it. Like a 1950s tv show with separate beds and a life not worth living. Christ. Anon. Stop.

>>17843869
Fucking boomers preventing the TMT on Maunakea. It would be the biggest and best telescope in the world and the stupid retards think we shouldn't do it. As if their dumb naked mountain would somehow benefit humanity more than the greatest telescope built to-date.
Being anti-science is anti-humanity. These hypocritical creeps need to be jailed.

I can't find a fucking house. Even out in bumfuck nowhere where there are no actual jobs I'm competing against bougie boomers who want to "downsize somewhere quaint".
Once a property is listed you have to decide right away to take it because in a few days it will have an offer in hand ABOVE ASKING PRICE.
Rage is on my mind.

>>17844078
to be great you need to put roughly put 10 thousands hours into something so that it becomes second nature to you

>>17845236
boo fucking hoo

>>17845215
i dont know, i havent had any luck with relationships before this. hes around 5 years older than me actually. set up for a 6 figure salary, extremly smart. im more autistic than he is. i was kind of just a weird girl who read books before him. hes improved my life alot. i dont know why he doesnt drink really, he just never started. I just want him to have that . bond with me so we can have a healthy relashionship. when i see him next im going to try, and if it doesnt work it doesnt work.

>>17845194
What's this guy's deal? Why exactly won't he have sex with you? He is your boyfriend, right? You do realize that is not normal?

cut the pattern cuz fuck it. made different mistakes this time but fuck that too. I should eat

>>17845273
He sounds like one of those IT autist man children who read a tim ferris book once and were abused as a child so they don't drink or smoke of fuck.

>>17845247
fuck you

>>17845273
i realize its not normal. hes had bad relashionships and (((bad things))) happen in the past. i dont know. hes told me he doesnt like it and wont ever talk about sex. if i bring it up or even bring up myself in a sexual way he'll change the subject.

Mysticism is also one of those activities where you have to be very careful, maybe even more careful than with ... well, for example, parachuting. With parachuting, you know from the start what you're getting into and where the dangers lie. With mysticism, on the other hand, you're dealing with books, the most harmless things in the world. Before you know it you are dipped up to your hair in icy water. If you are lucky, you make it all the way to enlightenment. If you are unlucky, like me, you come crawling back semi-lit. You see your thoughts dancing around like fluff in front of the void or in front of god, but you have to think, thinking is what you crawled back for. You can really feel the madness spinning in your head.

>>17843869
I've been thinking how the eternal reocurence is a meaningless image, there is literally no difference wheter this is your first and only tim eliving this life or if you live it an endless number of time if you can't know for sure

How do i engage with faith? Analytical approach towards life leaves me completely devoid of meaning and passion. I been thinking about reading Kierkegaard's Either/Or.

>>17845297
I'm sorry but he's either gay, dysfunctional or got raped. The latter aside there's no complex emotional issue that prevents a man from wanting sex.

>>17845297
>(((bad things))) happen in the past
I don't know what this means...

Anyway, I fancy myself adept at giving advice that I could never use or put to practice in my own miserable life so what I say is that it's pretty likely that one of two things are going on here. One is that he has some serious biological or psychological hangups about sex, which could be an issue. How long have you been together? Long or not so long? Roughly how old are you both?

>>17844962
He probably has porn addiction.

>>17845376
he doesnt, he hates porn as much as i do lol

>>17845369
we've been together a little over 2 months, so not so long. but we've said i love you and such. im 18 hes 5 years older than me.

>>17845381
Maybe he's just low t? How did you end up being his gf anyway? Why does he even want a gf

>>17845297
better hope he's not a serial killer

>>17845396
he asked me out and stuff, we do other things and he has some sort of drive but its barley there. he takes care of me more than anything else. he helps me with coursework, has rules for me, etc. he says he wants to give me baths n stuff. he basically just takes care of me and things. I met him at a decently hard time in his life in which ive been there for him too. hes not completly nonsexual. hell call me hot or call things i do hot and i call him (((something))). i think maybe hes just autistic + a bad thing happened to him. or maybe because he takes care of me so much he sees me in a different light.

>>17845394
I’m not sure I would be freaking out about it just yet. I had a very good (until the end) relationship with a girl I loved very much and we didn’t have sex until something like 5 months into the relationship. We were both already 22 and neither of us virgins. I would just try to seduce him until you get the sense that there’s something deeper going on or until it’s been long enough.

>>17845421
Yeah see my response here
>>17845453
One of the reasons it took 5 months is because I had just lost a family member. If he has something like that going on, it might be pretty normal. Still, you’d think that skin to skin contact would be a good helpful thing. It was for me.

>>17845466
thank you anon c: as i said i dont get to see him too much but im seeing him next week n i will try.

>>17845480
Oh, you could totally just convince him to have sex with you if you paint it in the light that it's to help you "grow" as a person. Seems he has a parental complex and sees you as a child or something. Like a helpless fish washed ashore. Just tell him it's his responsibility to be your sexual teacher no matter how much he doesn't like it.

>>17845353
>And you worship that which you carved, while God made you and that which you make
I find this an illuminating line from the Quran. realize that your analytical approach is also created. What you believe and why you believe are created. The terms are created. When the christians sing "he's got the whole wide world in his hands", they mean the Whole wide world: everthing in existence, every reason it exists every way to know that it exists, every way to conceive of it, every reason for every way, every word that describes every way, every letter that writes every word..
or, as in another line:
>To God belong the East and the West; whithersoever you turn, there is the Face of God; God is All-embracing, All-knowing.
and
>And call not upon another god with God; there is no god but He. All things perish, except His Face. His is the Judgment, and unto Him you shall be returned.

>>17845535
desu yeah, i didnt think of this but if i told him that he probably wouldnt deny, the thing is I know he would do anything for me but i want him to have sex with me because he WANTS to have sex with me. hes so perfect in every aspect except this one thing. i just wish he could want me like that

You either have the soul of a shitposter, or that of a janny.

I think I am starting to embrace the role I have to play in the world stage as a dissident intellectual.
I'm a nationalist and a monarchist, firmly believe religion is necessary for a functional society and I reject the Enlightenment, human rights, freedom and equality as false gods.
I KNOW I am right but those in power will always block my vision of society from coming true.
And it has to be this way.
For the role dissident intellectuals have to play is always a tragic one, it's part of the appeal of our character archetype.
In dictatorships, we either end up jailed or executed unceremoniously. In democracies like the one we live in, where such forceful methods are not available, we are instead excluded from social, sexual and intellectual life, in order to force conformity or to get us to kill ourselves.
Either way, we are always doomed moral victors. As history shows us, Truth is always the first casualty of war, and we are destined to lose the war against The Powers That Be.
I mean, can you imagine a scenario where we are victorious and get the opportunity to mold society the way we envision it?
Exactly, neither you nor anyone else can.

>>17845552
So why does God make people so out of touch with faith?

>>17845535
watch less hentai big brother

>>17843869
I'm so fucking sick of being surrounded by depressed fucks. I'm finally feeling better and getting my life back, it's not selfish to want to be at peace instead of being constantly drained by people who will neither help themselves nor let others help them but that will still insist that you listen to their fucking whining.

>>17845535
>>17845356
>>17845281
>>17845177
>>17845562
Armchair psychoanalyst pseuds. Don't listen to any of these fags about strategies to fuck him, just make clear your dissatisfaction and have a sincere discussion

>>17845652
Then you’re on the wrong board

>>17845236
>I can't find a fucking house.
Buy land, then build a house.
>Even out in bumfuck nowhere where there are no actual jobs
Fuck off there's never been a better time to find a remote job.
>I'm competing against bougie boomers who want to "downsize somewhere quaint".
Aren't going nowhere near far enough.
>Rage is on my mind.
Literally learn to cope.

>>17845637
Lol

>>17845678
I mean in real life. I love /lit/.

>>17845648
I can only tell you what I think, and what I think is that it gives reality to the manifestation. This gets heavily into esoteric territory, but in principle I think that God is supremely loving, and that the purpose of creation is to manifest that Love. Love is only meaningful if it is a choice, it is proven by a willingness to sacrifice for another. Our being far from faith is to give gravity to the choice- being far from faith is the same as being near to the world of the flesh, the everyday world. If it was easy for us it would be banal, and would manifest nothing.

You're likely to ask me: "why does God need to manifest Love?" and I have yet to find a convincing answer. I can tell you that I am quite sure it is unknowable, because what is knowable belongs to what is created. It is for sure one of the defining features of God that he evades being known.

>>17843869
When the fuck will our good for nothing cock sucking leaders stop with the bullshit pandemic lockdown guidelines? It’s going to be Summer soon goddammit. I want to go on a cruise and jack it to sluts with huge tits and asses on public beaches, and then get kicked out like the good old days. We can’t continue on as a society, with any semblance of freedom at least, if we are just going to live like a bunch of slaves who are constantly paranoid over a virus that will come year after year like the common cold.

>>17845752
Get vaccinated and you can do all your faggy shit again.

I wish I had just drank, done drugs, and become self destructive. I wouldn’t even know how to go about such a thing today. Besides, it’s a little cringe. You’re supposed to get over your emotional phase early.

>>17845777
My boss is on oxygen in the ICU after getting the vaccine. No thanks.

>>17845637
This is it. If I adopt one more radical ideology, it’ll be the most ideologically fucked up ive ever been.

>>17845785
He'll make it. If the vaccine fucked him up that bad, then covid would have no question killed him.

>>17845813
come on, Sam

>>17845052
I’m 27 and it really is feeling like it’s kind of over for me. I don’t really have any friends or a girlfriend which is bothersome enough but the more I think about how I didn’t really live or find the thing when I was young, the more I realize it’s pointless at this point. There’s nothing really beautiful about it and so there’s no real point.

>>17845822
He actually already had COVID

>>17845848
Can you please stop? Every goddamn day, for the 5 days that I've been here, I see someone here who is 27 or 28 and talks exactly like you do. Is the world really that fucked? What's wrong with you? Did you never had hobbies or anything? Have you never felt joy in your life? WTF?

And it's always the same sentence;
"no girlfriend, no friends, nothing done"
It's really no longer fun to read.

YOU DO NOT NEED A GIRLFRIEND. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND FINALLY HAVE A LITTLE FUN PLEASE!
nothing personal.

I want Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ to be my mommy even if I had to change my stance on politics.

>>17843869
>Friend wants to do an art/write collab, and keeps pestering me about it.
>He's been helping me learnt to draw, so fine. I owe him.
>Sit down, he starts drawing, gives me a prompt. I've done this before plenty of times.
>Blank page. Can't write. Can't fucking write. Can't even fucking write anything down.
>Meanwhile he's sketching out the random request I gave him at the start and here I am, a grown adult, unable to write a cheesy couple of pages.

I feel like unironically screaming and smashing my head through the monitor right now.

i'm pretty sure i'm not gay i just want to be lovingly pegged in the ass by a husky mommy gf. is that gay?

>>17845822
Stop talking like you know anything about anything you still subhuman shit

>>17845973
I’m not even going to respond. I only hope you don’t know what it feels like one day.

>>17845822
>*dies from vaccine*
> “Well, it doesn’t count because he would’ve died from what we’re vaccinating anyway”

>>17844865
>crane fly
Had to look that up, it's called something different here. Don't be such a wuss, I love those things, especially out of all the bugs that end up in my work space. Just let it land on you and talk to it.

>>17843869
I'm thinking ciggarets stunt emotional growth, but not for the reason you're thinking. The nicotine is harmless, possibly benifical (prevents parkinsons/alzhiemers). But your sense of smell gets worse with smoking, for some people ALOT worse. Psychopaths have worse sense of smell, the olfactory enses are one of those lizard brain things where we dont notice what our body and mind is doing. Scents can are integral to forming memories, bonds and I suspect attitudes. My sense of smell is coming back after quiting and I'm very emotianal and I'm certain it's my sense of smell.

>>17846440
This is interesting, it could be true. I don't think losing your sense of smell makes you a psychopath but I wouldn't be surprised if regaining your smell has actually made you more emotional.

There's his one scent I associate with this really awkward first date I went on when I was like 14. I was being autistic and didn't realise it was a date until I got there. For some reason that day I think I'd been sniffing vicks vapor rub and now whenever I catch that scent I'm reminded of that date and I curl up inside even though it was over a decade ago.

>>17846499
Here's some unsolicited advice:

Write about the date, in detail. Studies show that emotionally salient memories have to be literally transferred from the emotional part of the brain to the cognitive parts, and one way of doing this is writing because it forces you to organize the memory into coherent thought.

>>17846530
Hahaha its really no big deal. Its not a traumatic memory or anything, nothing I particularly need to excise from my mind. It was just my first ever date with a girl and the awkwardness was compounded by the fact that I didn't even realise it was a date. But maybe I'll do that anyway, I am a big believer in the benefit of that sort of stuff.

>>17846530
That's fascinating. No wonder the only memories of feelings I have are from when I shitpost or write in a journal.

>>17846440
Smoking hasn't affected my sense of smell one bit, and certain smells bring up memories from as far back as a few decades for me. That shit is blown way out of proportion by anti-smokers.

>>17846440
>sense of smell has always been terrible
Huh, maybe that's part of why my general memory is so terrible (and emotional experience so dampened compared to others), good food for thought. I quit smoking myself near a year ago, I thought my sense of smell was the same while I smoked - bad enough that it couldn't get much worse I suppose

With Biden as president and with these constant mass shootings I feel like American will lose some gun rights in the next few years

I get this worrying sensation that anons in /lit/ don't draft.

HEY WEIRDO. Stop reading this shit and write something else to post.

>>17846440
Sorry about typos.
>>17846499
Things like that have been happening to me more and more now. Most of the scents are from childhood memories as I've been heavy smoking since 13. It's like I'm finally making sense of my childhood.
>>17846583
One friend of mine said he had a similar experience to me (with some prompting on my part), but the rest said smoking had little effect on their sense of smell. Could be we inhale in slightly different ways.
>>17846614
Yeah, the weak sense of smell/psychopath link is real. I don't like using the catagories of mental illnesses but a weak nose is ascociated with a basket full of traits. Think about how much animals use their nose to relate to the world, especially with forming bonds.

I wish I had more charisma. There are times when I can indeed inspire others, but only circumstantially and occasionally as per the individual and situation. That’s not true charisma. True charisma, like some mysterious animal magnetism, is a force that someone effortlessly excludes, like a seductive pheromone. I hate to use Hitler as an example because I do think he was a bad guy and I'm not saying I want to be more like Hitler. But he’s a widely recognized example of someone with charisma which simply emanated from him

>>17845637
Stop caring about politics in this world of corruption. Heaven is an absolute monarchy. Perfect your own sphere and when you die you’ll get the political system of your dreams

Lads I've got a fuckin job interview tomorrow, and I'm maybe the worst person there has ever been at them. Genuinely, every job I've ever had, there's been no interview, and everytime I've gone for one, within the first minute of sitting down I could already tell it would go terribly wrong. I've good a good handshake, but that's it, I'm abysmal at lying or talking about myself in any capacity really, so I cannot make myself give any answers other than some bland and indescript muttering or a yes or a no and I never have any questions other than: Have I got the job then?, I always get told that my voice and manner of speaking seems uninterested, even though I would assume it's pretty obvious I'm on the verge of having some kind of stroke or panic attack from all the anxiety I get. Anyways, tonight I've tried to gee myself up in preparation, I watched Au Hasard Balthazar and cried my eyes out, chainsmoked like 86 fuckin cigarettes and did about 4000 push-ups in between. Please, pray for me lads, I can't keep living in fear of fucking job interviews for much longer.

>>17845052
Seems like too strong a judgment for such an arbitrary cutoff point. To me, it seems more likely that someone who never has an interest in literature throughout childhood and young adulthood will just be less intersted in writing books as an adult, rather than unable to.

>>17846976
>chainsmoked 86 cigs
Good god I feel you. Had a phone interview a month ago, even for that i was a nervous wreck. I'm in no position to gove you advice but I will say don't identify with the anxious mood. It's the same as being too hot or too cold. it's just something that is happening to your body and mind.

>>17844300
kek

Just spent an hour editing a single paragraph and I still don't think it's all that good. But that's all a part of the process.

>>17846569
what he said is just the opposite though

>>17845973
female hands typed this post

>>17846976
>, I watched Au Hasard Balthazar and cried my eyes out, chainsmoked like 86 fuckin cigarettes and did about 4000 push-ups in between.
well this is undoubtedly based behavior anyway. good luck with your interview, remember to bee yourself

>>17843869
Is it normal to have 'default' characters when you're not really sure about a story and want to test it out in your imagination?

>>17847237
I'd think of it less as default and more as underdeveloped. You need characters for a story, and you don't want them to be weak. You can beef them up in editing as needed.

I've reached some kind of Zen contentment with my state as an autistic loner. I accept my role in the world as a weirdo sperg who doesn't know how to socialize or form relationships properly. The prospect of being alone for the rest of my life, failing to form lasting friendships or meaningful connections with other people, and trying to fill the void with escapism and hobbies seems hopeless and depressing, but if I step outside my own viewpoint I can see myself doing it just fine since, from an objective standpoint, there's nothing about that situation that requires that I feel depressed or hopeless about it. It's a strange feeling. I wonder what my life will be like in ten years, or twenty, or forty?

I'm trying to pick up the energy to do something, and I will in about 10 minutes, if it's a reasonable thing to do.

I'm pretty sure my friend used to get me incredibly drunk with the sole intention of taking advantage of me and it's a relief to be able to finally move on now that I've processed it.

>>17846976
quit smoking the cigarettes asap, leads into all kinds of other dead end behaviours. its easier to mentally relax if you physically relax first, youre going to do fine and keep doing the push ups. You HAVE to go to the job interview so theres no point in stressing out, just have to think about what it look like for it to go well and then try to make that happen.

>gf is out of town for 3 days
>look at porno in her apartment

I feel like a god

I'm thinking about donating sperm.

>>17845293
yeah that guys a faggot

I don't know what I'll do with myself if she says no.

>>17847668
will they pay you

>>17847813
Not a good position to put yourself and self esteem.

>>17847668
A big tiddied mogwai eared goth girl?
I didn’t even know I wanted this

>>17846976
>Anyways, tonight I've tried to gee myself up in preparation, I watched Au Hasard Balthazar and cried my eyes out, chainsmoked like 86 fuckin cigarettes and did about 4000 push-ups in between. Please, pray for me lads, I can't keep living in fear of fucking job interviews for much longer.
if it helps these are the most based two sentences ive ever read on 4chan. i've never friends more with any single living creature in my life

my word of advice
>have no fear for real, it's just like turning wheel
>once you start up there's no other way
the realization that it's all going to happen as it happens and there's no choice in it helps me

>>17847615
Sorry for touching your dick that time you spent the night. Really never thought you'd wake up after the pills and how much we drank.

>>17846976
>>17847873
wanted to be friends more with*
oop i dont reread anything i type

>>17844078
kafka just sat around complaining in his diary about how he couldn't write anything for months at a time and then died with zero finished novels at about 40 years old with a couple short stories to show for it. and lo, they were good

I'm avoiding her for no particular reason

>>17847949
why?

>>17843869
I've been wanting to write a story for one of my very old ideas. As a kid I use to make little people out of twist-ties and came up with this whole idea of tiny people who lived hidden from humans, like the Borrowers or Littles but even smaller, I had some weird idea that gunpowder wouldn't work that small but crossbows would so they use bows, crossbows, and spears, and would tame dragonflies to ride into battle (which was funny seeing as they only live for like a day or two). I used to have them fight miniature robots from a human lab because it felt wrong for them to kill each other but later on I imagined them waging a war over territory around a cloverleaf highway, with the highway of course forming an almost impassable barrier for an army. I also had the idea of one group of them planning to poison a huge number of humans and take over a building somehow where they could find enough food to never have to grow their own or go hungry again. At one point I wrote like a 300,000 word novel about something else but I'll probably never finish that now and I stopped working on it anyway. Becoming a wagecuck really destroyed my motivation to write.

>>17847991
GF left him.

>>17848116
That's cute as fuck, anon.

>>17847949
>for no particular reason
explain yourself >>17848266
we know the real reason you're avoiding her

>>17848266
She's been following me for at least 2 months and thinks I don't know

i have found my purpose in life i believe.
god willing.

>>17848277
elaborate

>>17847949
I'm avoiding her because we were in love, but we had to break up, and we worked at the same place. I avoided her as much as possible. Then it got to be too hard for us to stay apart, so I left. She deserves to be the one to keep her job, she was there before me. I wish we could just stop avoiding each other and be together.

the metaform, which survived for millennia on pieces of babies genitals; realized (it was); that increasing amounts of "sacrifice" would be required. of greatest value for this is a specific type of "medical waste": severed reproductive parts taken from virgins; breasts, penises. "how do we sell that? meh, let the monkeys figure out a way".

my perfectionism is so paralyzing I can't even decide how this scene is supposed to look

I thought adderall would help with this but it just made it worse

Are webcomics /lit/?
If so, which ones?
What's your favourite - if any, anon?

>>17845186
Have you thought about getting help anon? This stuff can be caused by more than immediate material circumstances

>>17844310
>she whispered breathily into my ear and I could feel her sphincter dilate as the vibrations of her dusky voice coarse from the timpani of my ear in what I assumed was the vibration of her dainty rim, and I held still, very still as i could with the breath caught in my chest and pressed against my pounding heart, and she knew, we both knew that I wanted to hear it again
>her mouth grew closer to my ear and the moisture of her breath blew a light film over it he folds of my lobes
>eat my ass u niger

just finished watching some kind of wonderful and tfw no gf is hitting me seriously hard oh god it hurts so much

Justice will be like a hot iron upon your skulls.

It's easy to be good when you are born mostly in goodness and your dealings with evil are brief and superficial. To fall to evil in such conditions is pathetic because goodness is always there with open arms calling you back. Your choice is good or evil and you practically have to strive to fall to evil. When you're born in evil however, goodness is a hand that is always out of reach. Your choice is evil or death. When you reach to grab for goodness you will always be pulled back in. Part of becoming truly evil, accepting your place, is recognizing there's no point in reaching for the goodness anymore.

>>17848678
Dude is literally a mid tier villain kek

>>17845145
No one does.

>>17848678
>*tips fedora*

>>17846727
True, im not going to be a writer so why bother?

>>17844618
>everyone failed us
Not that anon, but yep. That's why I'm here.

>>17845353
just start believing

>>17845973
Late 20s is when a lot of peoples trajectories are established. Having a void at that point is defeating. Things get more serious, it's some form of stunted development.
I'm 27 and face the same kind of thing but I've accepted it and that's just what you gotta do. All the people I've known over the years have just settled in their way of thinking/life and don't want to be swayed in another way.
It's probably worse though for people who complain about it on here, they probably haven't had a girlfriend or minimized social experience. If only they knew that it ain't all that.
It definitely is no fun to read.

I keep waking up in the middle of night anxious as hell. I've been having a stressful time lately, so I know pretty well where the stress is coming from. Last night when I woke up around maybe 3am or 4am I managed to remind myself that anxiety primordial response to perceived physical threats and dangers. I imagined myself as a caveman sleeping on the ground around a big campfire and that the reason I had woken up is because I had sense a cheetah approaching the camp in the night. Then I reminded myself that I was not a caveman and that no cheetahs could get me, the anxiety subsided, and I fell straight to sleep.

It sounds completely retarded but it helped.

>>17844375
I write stuff but I don't do it out of a desire to be a writer. It's catharsis, it's comfort, it's company.
I suspect most decent writers are the same. They write to speak to other writers.

How do I overcome my fear of commitment?

>>17843869
what game is this?

>>17849021
I tell myself I'm a panther prowling my territory at night while I pace about my living room and kitchen, and sometimes my bedroom and bathroom too. It's not because it helps me sleep; I just like pretending I'm a panther in a forest at night.

>>17849053
My doggo pretends shes a panther sometimes. Its cute.

>>17849021
I deal with stress by frequently reminding myself of my own mortality, nothing eases me more than the thought of my life ending someday and me not having to worry about daily mundane things.

>>17849045
What do you fear about commiting yourself?

>>17849059
Smart doggo. Panthers are slick.

>>17849081
Being chained to something, having to see things through, I do not like having to do something on repeat, I frequently change jobs due to this, I'm fairly minimalist in my lifestyles so it doesn't bother me, but I know that someday I'll have to settle and start a family.
I can't imagine myself living in one spot and doing the same thing over and over for "financial stability" considering that's something a family requires, amd this is just the material aspect of it, my previous partners all dump me for the same reasons (e.g I've grown distant, I don't give her attention...)
Sometimes I feel like I'm just not fit for modern life

>>17843869
What to do when struck with reality? I dont know its far to grand to know how to handle it and Im far too stupid to write in a manner that is correct.

there's no fucking good food in this town REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I've been tossing around the idea of trying to reconnect with my childhood friends. I grew up with these guys, but ended up going into the army and they didn't. When I got home we started playing music again like we had as kids, but it didn't end up working out due to the mental health issues I've been dealing with over the last decade. I never really explained why I left the band because I was still deep into the shame spiral. I didn't completely ghost them, but I did stop returning calls after letting them know I was quitting. I was just in so much pain every day, looking back. I ended up essentially cutting absolutely everyone out of my life and moving to a new state, and only recently have I really started to heal in earnest. I really just want to apologize to them all and to explain why I did what I did. I'm just not sure if I should. I only left 4 or 5 years ago, but it might be like dredging up ancient history.

>>17847628
Nah I wouldn't worry about the smoking too much. I don't smoke regularly, I just happened to have a lot leftover from times I've went out with people. Before last night the last time I smoked was about three weeks ago, and before that I'm pretty sure it was still 2020. And the gym being closed for the past three months has been killing me even more so than a couple of fags every now and then, doing thousands of situps, pushup and squats with nothing on your back is just fuckin terrible.

>>17847873
Thanks mate, and of course I'll be your friend.

>>17847628
>leads into all kinds of other dead end behaviours
Slippery slope fallacy. Seems like a variation on the whole gateway drug meme, which has been disproven for literal decades now. What's far more likely it's that people who are already predisposed towards """dead end behaviors""" are more likely to smoke cigarettes.

>>17849307
Send em a message and just let em know. They probably still wonder at times what became of you. If they are good people they will appreciate it.
There are people in my life I've been close to that have ghosted me. Drifting apart is natural but you can tell when something is up. I wish they would of said what it was.

>>17845652
I sympathize. Lazy friends are one of the last and most severe things to hold a man back, in this age of Internet-driven social isolation and hedonism. I hope you can surround yourself with people who want what's best for you.

This is the third time in like a week or so that I dream about a girl touching and hugging me. I don't know if I ever will know this feeling IRL

I'm fucking sick of the quarantine, I don't have the energy to work efficiently nor to cultivate my hobbies, I spend my free time sleeping or reading, it seems like an endless cycle of exhaustion
>>17849569
It'll come eventually and may come unexpectedly, don't get too hopeless fren ;)

>>17844078
Just make a deal with the devil. Lmao

The Nightingale and the Rose by Oscar Wilde reminds me of anons here.

>>17849586
in what way?

>>17849701
It's best you read the story, it's short.
As for me, what reminds me of so many anons here is that the Student couldn't understand the nightingale's advice because he only knew the language of the books, kind of like how people read philosophy to understand life, and can only think in boundaries of it. And then the Student gave up on the love he kept whining about so much, returning to the old books, because of a single greedy thot.

>>17849735
>read about life instead of living the life and drawing conclusions from it
is the middle way the right way?

I became a slave for pussy. Thats how pathetic I am.

>>17849780
I would say yes. Books are based on experience of someone who is not you and who never lived under your conditions, so they don't really reflect your experience. They can be used as tool to focus, and then draw conclusions on your own, from your own observation.

>>17849578
Thanks, unless you were ironic Lmao.
Anyway it must have been like a decade of waiting but nothing ever happens, so I'm really losing hope.
For your problem, I understand you and I would suggest to do long walks in the fresh air, they're fundamental in my opinion.

>>17849798
Nothing wrong with that, depending on the pussy in question

>>17849798
You became man

>>17849816
Is asking for a book to fix your problems fundamentaly the wrong approach?

>>17849852
Yeah, I've been going biking more and more often as the weather got better. Well, you just gotta not worry about putting yourself out there, and go out more, or maybe work on your appereance a bit, there's always a way

Ezra Pound looked based all throughout his life. He always had a flicker in his eyes and the spirit of life in his swag.

do things happen to me out of providence or out of fate? am i under the spell of a living or a dead power? to be alive is to think and to feel, to be a man. i was satisfied with this explanation for a long time. but now it seems to me as if death is life and life is death, as if there is no difference between the attraction of the earth and the rising of a thought. and i don't know: is the falling stone a thought or the thought a falling stone? how are the laws of the universe and my thoughts related? isn't the void as alive as a breathing person is dead? there is no foundation for these thoughts. like everything else, they fall into the bottomless depths.

>>17849882
That depends on your expectations of it. I said book can help you focus, but if you think it will offer you a complete solution to your problem, then you would just end up disappointed.

>>17849891
I don't know, those are things I've pretty much always done. Also this useless quarantine only makes everything worse

Is artistic inspiration a religious experience?

I'm disgusted with myself ; I thought after losing all the excess weight I'd start going out, find someone to spend time with and talk about books maybe. However all I do is stay inside my house listening daydreaming about what could've been and what could be if I started trying stuff. The spark is gone after 10 min and I go back to my computer.

>>17850040
Not inherently, although you could make an argument for it being a spiritual experience. "Religion" really implies the organization and the structures built on top of the spirituality rather than just spirituality itself.

>>17843869
i hate the existence of niggs so much

It feels like left-wing thinkers are always weary they'll be found out to be hacks.

I really need help. I've lost my way. Hope I find it soon. Please God.

If my brain wasn't so dopamine addicted to social media and other shit I would actually do something with my life.

no matter where i drive to i cant scape from myself

Is there any benefit from making yourself completely bored without any outside stimuli?

>>17850448
such a soft body, so girly. what a gangster

>>17850355
you mean wary

>>17850597
it might eventually serve to stimulate you to do something that you're otherwise distracted from

>>17850635
can it help with understanding that im the only one responsible for my life as in i keep waiting for a very strong inspiration/vision to get me moving? maybe im expecting too much

>>17850672
it could

I finally understand Joyce now, it is the desire to be at complete oneness with ones mind in its passions.

Rather Wagnerian, but not surprising.

>>17850687
i tried it for 20 minutes and ended up talking in monologue about my problems. I know what i should do but i dont open my heart and let them in.

what is a murderer? he is innocent. the world whispered it into his ear. is adam to blame for the fall of mankind? eva whispered it into his ear, and the serpent whispered it into her ear. but who whispered it into the serpent's ear. yes, who?

does anyone here shops on book depository? does buying with vpn still works? that's all.

>>17843869
deep fakes have infinite potential. Once it advances a little bit we will reach a new meta. It won't be a fight between what's true or false but a competition to make the most compeling and selfconsistent narrative

Penis

they just identified the boulder shooter

It's patch Tuesday

>>17850845
>muh relative truth
I'll just turn off the internet

Should I apply to be a teacher at my old prep school? I was going to teach ESL abroad but corona’s put the stop to it. I already work in higher ed in a staff position.

>>17846976
WELLY WELLY WELLY WELLY WELLY WELLY WELL

Just come back from the interview lads, I don't know if I've got the job or not, but I'm to get an answer within the next day or two. Even if I don't get it tho, it's definitely best one I've had, after the first 10-12 of fuckin deadly stress and anxiety I managed to calm myself down and do more than just nod my head up and down and say yeah or ok. Almost fucking passed out when the first question the woman gave me was what are your interests, and I went oh I like reading, and she went what, and by this point I couldn't even think, just about managed to say oh just old stuff and that, and then she asked me who, and I just barely managed to say Melville after 10 seconds of just going ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nah but apart from that tho I think it went pretty well, I started talking all this shit about how I like to work all day and I'm good at doing different things at once, I had to do a test that was like a test run for one of the things I'll be doing and I got everything right, I even managed to get a few fucking quips in that had her chuckling, and then at the end I even managed to turn it on her when she went do you have any questions, and I was like yeh, how do you like working here, are you proud and happy of this company and that, which she clearly wasn't ready for and started stumbling and mumbling trying to make me believe she enjoyed her job.

And if I do manage to get this fuckin job, I'm going build a shrine for Balthazar like I'm fuckin Ignatius J. Reilly, all that extra effort I put in was all for that little donkey saint.

>>17849048
Want to know this.

>>17851068
>question the woman gave me was what are your interests, and I went oh I like reading, and she went what, and by this point I couldn't even think, just about managed to say oh just old stuff and that, and then she asked me who, and I just barely managed to say Melville after 10 seconds of just going ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Wtf

>>17851068
I always say I read poetry even though I mostly read philosophy but the former is more socially friendly. I don't lower myself enough to say I read f*ction though.

I have so many mental hangups that I don’t even know where to begin to work through them all.

>>17851095
What's the matter, dog?

>>17851160
Pick one.

>>17851068
>Almost fucking passed out when the first question the woman gave me was what are your interests, and I went oh I like reading, and she went what, and by this point I couldn't even think, just about managed to say oh just old stuff and that, and then she asked me who, and I just barely managed to say Melville after 10 seconds of just going ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
normies can relate to this answer more than they can relate to Well I've been reading Montaigne recently but I'm also rereading Melville for about the 10th time, never gets old haha. it was for the best

>Nah but apart from that tho I think it went pretty well, I started talking all this shit about how I like to work all day and I'm good at doing different things at once, I had to do a test that was like a test run for one of the things I'll be doing and I got everything right, I even managed to get a few fucking quips in that had her chuckling, and then at the end I even managed to turn it on her when she went do you have any questions, and I was like yeh, how do you like working here, are you proud and happy of this company and that, which she clearly wasn't ready for and started stumbling and mumbling trying to make me believe she enjoyed her job.
nailed it

what is the job for?

>>17843869
i cut myself and im covered in scars, i dont know how to stop.

I'm disgusted by my own emotions and feelings but I don't want to be dead inside what do

>>17851283
wait till u grow up

>>17851204
They’re abstract and they range from loneliness to improper life choices to not being able to reconcile my reality with my ideal, something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I wouldn’t even know where to begin in all honesty.

>>17851283

>>17849882
yes always it is you who fixes your problems which isn't as lame as it sounds. Just Do It, as the old great master Shia Labeouf said. don't sit around trying to get to know yourself, be who you already are. and if you doubt what I'm saying the trick is that by reading what I just typed you now have the knowledge to behave this way. the conscious realization that you can plan your own motion and become who you are has just been gifted to you by me

My head injury is getting better, although I'm currently having a panic attack. I flushed all my weed down the toilet, and I don't want to ever try it again for a very long time. My head felt like it was on fire, my vision accentuated certain objects. My girlfriend told me that the underlying cause of my anxiety, the desire to retreat into poetry that transcends reality, is because I am weighed down by the reality of the law class and the book history class I am taking.

These things are not aesthetic. They are not in line with the Whitmanian, Hegelian, Pessoean, Guattarian, Hindu, Neoplatonic, psychoanalytic quest to finally conquer reality. To end it, like an end of history, like the point in the center of it all, like freeing wisdom that allows one to never desire anything ever again.

But I strive. I always strive for this end, to what end? Just a repeated cycle of brain particles floundering around, firing off their little fire balls throughout the gooey synapses. Making new connections, culling the old. My nerves sending signals throughout my body reach my hands, which start to feel stiff, and my mouth which in the height of my panic, feels dry.

Biological determinism sickens me, empiricism sickens me. It sickens me that society focuses on things which influence their consciousness towards the material, as opposed to the immaterial. Materialism is a form of consciousness that serves to satisfy the id; capitalism is the id unleashed. But at the same time I am not one who would say that we are on a path towards "progress." There is no progress. There is only ideology, and ideology itself is the root of all metaphysics!

I shun morality. Morality is not metaphysical, and metaphysics is everything. Law is metaphysics, even though the law teacher says it is not. But I am a nihilist, and I don't believe in law. I am a nihilist with an intense love of god. The superego, the first mover, that which we lock onto through strength of spirit, and move our bodies, and our minds, to become a producer! A producer of art, music, and a moral crusader for the conquest of beauty, peace, and prosperity!

But who would ever take such a person, such a moral crusader seriously. Morality is just a tool for those who want to carry out their own agenda. It doesn't exist any more than gender, or money, or any other ideology which perpetuates people through their underlying metaphysical beliefs. Can I link metaphysical beliefs entirely to behavior? No, I would not. That is too much of a psychological, religious diagnosis to make of a person.

(1/2)

>>17851449


The light shines through an opening, and I try to crawl through that opening with my mind. The pain in my head causes physiological sensations - how could I say those are not real? I feel a twitch under my eye. Briefly. Anxiety sets in. Physiological sensations carry with them the reminder of decay, and death. I am ultimately a pessimist about materiality, otherwise I would not be so concerned about my own death. I hope my head heals. I hope I heal, I hope the planet heals. Chomsky says there is hope for the planet. But is there hope for me? Anxious, capable of only a small memory, put to shame by those far greater than me? Materiality once again rears itself into the minds of those it haunts.

(2/2)

>>17851449
I'm sure I know who you are, and if I'm right, I despise you. If I don't, you seem punchable.

>>17851460
That's awfully mean.

>>17851342
You could start with the little things to get used to your courage. What I mean by the little things you understand without further explanation.

>>17851233
I don't exactly know what the job title is, all that I've been told seen so far is Warehouse Operative, but, basically, it's a company that make electronic parts for different things like x-rays, computers, washing machines etc. and I'd be working with this old lady that's supposed to be retired by now, and she'd be teaching me all I need to replace her. At the beginning all it will be is a lot of counting to make sure the fuckin orders and deliveries are correct and fuckin playing spot the difference whenever a client changes their order because apparently they almost never tell you so you have to figure it out yourself. And obviously later on I'd be given more stuff, but I really have no idea what that would be.

This world is just another plaything of mine. A squeaking caoutchouc dinosaur with bulging eyes. I grasp it – and squeeze.

>>17851510
Squeeze my nuts then - you can't. I'm making a point.

>>17851431
i cant take the leap anon, the fear is too great

>>17849900
These are very interesting and formative trains of thought that give you the incentive to look into a world behind the world. This world could really exist and there are also quite important questions. Unfortunately, most people on / lit / are not interested in it, although it is actually the most interesting topic of all, but modern science has managed to make people stop thinking about it. You can also call it a distraction. A distraction from yourself, a degradation of the human being, as if you were nothing but an insignificant ant. But you are not. You may be a lot more than that, so you should treat yourself that way too, because you are unique.

That might sound pretty trivial as an answer, but the whole thing is, as you can probably imagine, not so easy to put into words because it is very difficult to grasp. And you can never be 100% sure but you can still, with a bit of luck, have an approach, a certain experience that brings you closer to the world behind the world. For example, some reports from mescaline users have described similar experiences. But that doesn't mean that it can only be done under the influence of drugs. And according to should, experiences must always be able to interpret and interpret the whole thing rationally. That's the hack, you always have to interpret it, you have to be content with that. You will probably never get the one clear answer to it. But there is a kind of curse on people that they are only satisfied with a 100% answer to everything.

When interpreting such otherworldly experiences, a lot can go wrong and you first have to have a wide-ranging, large, literary knowledge to be able to classify it at all. Because it is very easy to make a mistake. I guess you can't get a better answer here on that.

Oh yes, and it's also pretty hard to find the right literature for it and this is not the right place for it either. Here you will hardly ever find anything that seriously brings you closer to this topic, except that you just go around in circles. Because here you can only find "meme quality". I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's pretty unlikely.

You have to work harder and do research outside of / lit /. There is still hope. 4chan is not the dead-end.

>>17851489
Yeah, I do. My biggest problem is this reconciling ideals with reality honestly. It gives me the overwhelming sense that it doesn’t really matter what I do now, it’s not going to be worth it if it doesn’t match how I could draw it up in a vacuum. That’s more a motivation thing than a courage thing to be honest. I’m not afraid to put myself out there precisely because I don’t care anymore.

>>17851553
In the name of the infinity of all possible worlds: consider your nuts sucked, squeezed and caressed.

wow the nytimes is reporting that the boulder shooting suspect was "known to the fbi"

>>17849900
These are very interesting and formative trains of thought that give you the incentive to look into a world behind the world. This world could really exist and these are also quite important questions. Unfortunately, most people on / lit / are not interested in it, although it is actually the most interesting topic of all, but modern science has managed to make people stop thinking about it. You can also call it a distraction. A distraction from yourself, a degradation of the human being, as if you were nothing but an insignificant ant. But you are not. You may be a lot more than that, so you should treat yourself that way too, because you are unique.

That might sound pretty trivial as an answer, but the whole thing is, as you can probably imagine, not so easy to put into words because it is very difficult to grasp. And you can never be 100% sure but you can still, with a bit of luck, have an approach, a certain experience that brings you closer to the world behind the world. For example, some reports from mescaline users have described similar experiences. But that doesn't mean that it can only be done under the influence of drugs. And according to should, experiences must always be able to interpret and interpret the whole thing rationally. That's the hack, you always have to interpret it, you have to be content with that. You will probably never get the one clear answer to it. But there is a kind of curse on people that they are only satisfied with a 100% answer to everything.

When interpreting such otherworldly experiences, a lot can go wrong and you first have to have a wide-ranging, large, literary knowledge to be able to classify it at all. Because it is very easy to make a mistake. I guess you can't get a better answer here on that.

Oh yes, and it's also pretty hard to find the right literature for it and this is not the right place for it either. Here you will hardly ever find anything that seriously brings you closer to this topic, except that you just go around in circles. Because here you can only find "meme quality". I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's pretty unlikely.

You have to work harder for it and do research outside of / lit /. There is still hope. 4chan is not the dead-end.

Many think that this is the place where you can get an answer to every question and are only satisfied with the posts of others because of their own insecurity. There is a kind of conformism that prevails on this side, which is why many got stuck here. Because they probably thought it was the last resort. Very sad when I think about it. Another downside of technology.

>>17851626
I'm pretty sure that this reply was posted various minuted ago, why did it disappear and the reappear?

>>17851602
>My biggest problem is this reconciling ideals with reality
Your biggest problem is pondering about it. Acting is more important than believing, thinking, hoping. Where something blocks action, it would be better to tear it down and let it lie fallow. Your approach is the wrong way around. Forceful advancement is chosen as the starting point. Thoughts and everything else have to subordinate themselves. Better to go through the wall with your head than to vanish like smoke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44GqaZvEgq4

>>17851557
have no fear, there is no other way. my gift of choice cannot be taken back, and now you have no other choice. what happens if you don't take the leap? close your eyes and imagine the rest of your life. close your eyes and imagine your true desires, and then just do it. is it cringe? is it strenuous? is it unknown? imagine life without cringe, without strain, without the unknown. you live for precisely these things

>>17851640
You’re saying to just act without concern for why you’re acting but I ask what then, is the point of acting at all? I could act by running in place but I’d sure be wasting my time, wouldn’t I? The process of thought is a bit like that. If you can’t even place in the race then why run?

>>17850963
most people won't

>>17851713
not that Anon but what you do IS the why; the purpose of a system is what it does. why do you sit around all day coming up with reasons not to do anything? it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. you can make yourself by aftig, everything else is subordinate to action

today I have
showered
done laundry, including folding and putting away
gone for two walks
studied for 2-3 hours, which isn't great but ok
read one hour for leisure
done yoga
been grocery shopping
done backed up dishes

not bad for an old mental case
now all I got left is I gotta do my taxes sooner or later. probably tomorrow. My tasks for today are done. now comes the shitposting.

>>17851713
>>17851764
*acting
also if you truly don't care anymore then it only makes sense to then quit thinking about it, and accept your lot. talking about it is proof of skepticism

>>17851713
But you know where you have to run to. Even if you don't know where the final goal line is exactly, you do know where it is generally. That is enough to start running. Life would be simpler under the rule of a king, I'll give you that. The next best thing, however, is to be your own ruler. Struggle for power, for the enlargement of your domain. If there is no such thing, death is always valid.

I used to have glorious blonde hair but recently I've started to notice it reddening a little bit. There is always a slight, barely noticeable tinge of ginger when I look in the mirror. And my beard has an even more obvious streak of ginger. This is so depressing. I used to be very proud of my light-blonde hair but now I'm turning into the worst subhuman imaginable: a soulless redhead. Fucking hell, I'd take dark hair over this. What's more, my hairline is starting to recede even though I am only 19 years old. This all correlates with the quality of my life and my mental health decreasing; this new gingerness seems to portend some massive catastrophe coming up in my life.
Pic related is my hair. Please critique.

>>17850769
20 minutes? haha. you should try it for a few days, or weeks, if you want real results

>>17851772
You're an inspiration

>>17851782
Acceptance still feels like suffering. That’s ultimately why ending it is considered.

>>17851787
>But you know where you have to run to.
Actually, I don’t feel like I do. You can’t really run to somewhere that doesn’t exist anymore and probably won’t exist ever again, which is how it feels.

Look, dude. You don’t have to humor me or respond. I appreciate that we’re talking but it’s also frustrating because I can’t get you to feel/think what I feel/think and vice versa. I hear your advice but I can’t help but feel you don’t actually understand the problem necessarily.

>>17851764
Because put yourself in the shoes of regret. The whole reason I’m in this spot precisely because I acted without thinking, without feeling. Pure act is what got me to this hell.

>>17851557
the fear isn't too great. the fear is never too great. fuck the fear and make it cum. this is the way to become great. great at anything or in general. get this: you're not supposed to have no fear, you're not supposed to be fearless. accept the fear. embrace the fear. swim in it. fuck it. love fear and it will become as nothing

>>17851803
>my hairline is starting to recede even though I am only 19 years old.
Mine started at 16, get on finasteride or go bald, those are your two choices.

Also who gives a fuck about your hair changing color, seriously, shut the fuck up.

>>17845637
New pasta?

>>17851859
Destroy your ideals and dreams. Hack them to pieces. Reset your system. Let death breath down your neck. Do what it takes to be youthful. Being young, running is more important than direction. Why? Living is movement and youth is energy. Stop thinking, stop doubting. I don't need to understand your problems. Whatever they are, you have to move away from them.

Give me one (1) good reason I should't unironically attempt to live in a state of blissful ignorance. I'm gonna meme myself back to a state of innocence.

>>17851989
I don't have any. If anything I wish you good luck on your attempt.

>>17851968
>Destroy your ideals and dreams.
Why would I want to do that?
> Do what it takes to be youthful. Being young
But I’m not young...?

>>17845074
you aren't and you never will be

>>17851859
>Acceptance still feels like suffering. That’s ultimately why ending it is considered.
Then you do care in some sense which is great because you need an error to actuate. If you don't care, if you are indifferent about where you are, that's when you're "fucked" from an outsider's perspective (and probably your own). Now act in such a way that you want to be that person who acts that way

>>17851871
I'm not telling you to act without thinking. The other guy was but that's because as a general rule you aren't going to get anywhere without doing anything. This is a semantic cope; the baby steps here are always obvious. I've never read 12 Rules but "clean your room" is a great start, literally and metaphorically. Why are you suffering? What goal could you achieve to suffer less? I don't know why you're so married to the idea that that it's one or the other. In order to achieve anything you need to have a goal to compare your current state to. This comparison is called "negative feedback". This is acting with reference to a desire, and you cannot perform these actions without thinking. If you have a goal and work towards it, then the thought is already done for you. Will an action get you closer to a goal? Yes, then do it. No, then don't.

>>17851700
>>17851923
im too much of a pathetic person, i cant even take your advice because i'm that scared. the fear is ringing to my door, i can see it through the peep hole and it can see me but i cannot open the door. i tried it and the most i did, was to put my hand on the door handle

>>17843869
I want to ravage my cousin's vagina pussy and put a baby inside her belly.

>>17852017
>Why would I want to do that?
To be able to act again. Otherwise you'll be stuck in limbo because there are no answers for your questions.
>But I’m not young...?
You are young enough.

>>17852051
>Will an action get you closer to a goal? Yes, then do it. No, then don't.
I get what you’re saying but the thing is I don’t really have a goal. It’s more like there’s a specific way of living which I would’ve liked to live because I think it would’ve made living easier, or at least more bearable. I don’t really know how else to say but to say frankly that I sincerely don’t feel that mode of living is remotely achievable now.

>>17852068
I think I’m going with circles with that mindset. Just a series of act followed by regret followed by act followed by regret.

>>17852211
>Just a series of act followed by regret followed by act followed by regret.
Preferable to your current state. Either that or non-action followed by regret and hopelessness.

>>17852056
well get fucked then, I guess

>>17851989
I agree with this guy>>17852004

Made some good fucking coffee today, but after drinking a bit more than usual my chest kind of hurts, and it's been going for like 6 hours now. Goodling the symptoms is making me nervous

Who am I kidding, I also want to kill myself for no apparent reason

>>17852275
Are you salivating more with a lighter feeling head? If so that's all for the course of going over your body's limit of coffee
t.
2 pots a day drinker

>>17852253
i figured as much

>>17852310
your choice and no one else's

I'm 22 but most of the stuff I like unironically is from the 80s or 90s. I know a lot of people take this as a point of pride but it's almost a little weird I think, it would be better to like whatever is trendy like everyone else.

>>17852352
Because there is nothing to like afterwards and then you'll realize the 90s were shit too.

>>17851237
I managed to quit for seven years by just letting the depression take over. I just let myself go numb to everything in my life and just floated by, "going with the flow." Ended up being the most successful I had ever been in my life. Then things turned to shit and I almost caught myself caring, but I held my ground and got myself another dead end job. Then some other stuff happened, met someone who made me want to care again, it went horribly wrong and I've cut the ever-loving shit out of my arms in the last couple months because of it. It's a good reminder of why I stopped giving a shit or trying to do anything good with my life in the first place.

>>17852366
The point with mental illness is to stop to feel entirely, only then can your actions be more based on reason because you're not being dominated by emotion. There's no in between it seems.
When you stop caring life is bliss

>>17851803
Go on femme HRT, your hair will lighten back up and stop falling out. Plus you'll have your own tits to play with.

What's on my mind?

Stop writing shit, just stop. I'm so pissed off. Are you completely disabled or what?
Boy, this makes me so mad.
To all people who write that they're thinking of suicide, just stop. Keep it to yourselves, nobody wants to read it. Nobody wants to read this shit and nobody cares. STOP!

100% You wouldn't dare to say that to someone in real life, then you would get cold and ashamed of yourself.

But some are so deluded that they don't understand.

It's not even funny or anything, IT'S NOT A MEME!

I've felt very, very, very badly in my life (me, and other people too, SO WHAT) and it never occurred to me to write about suicide on 4chan.

I think you're just ... GAY

Do you want to kill yourselves? Then do it! But don't write about it here as if it were a minor matter.

It's not 2011 anymore.

>>17852396
>WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH WORDS ON A SCREEN HURT MY FEELINGS!!
That's you, that's what you sound like, liberal snowflake scumbag.
>I think you're just ... GAY
Yes, I am, get the fuck over it.

>>17852428
omg u actually are dissabled

>>17852436
At least I can spell disabled.

>>17852428
>>17852436
this should be good

>>17852441
omg u actually are disabled

the world is a reversal

>>17852339
maybe one day i'll be strong enough

>>17852447
Sorry to disappoint, I don't argue with pent up zoomers who cry about other people on the internet.

>>17852359
Don't be so cynical, it's not healthy

>>17852396
i shall hereby name you patheticfag, the writer of the most pathetic posts on this board. infinitely more pathetic than anything a suicidal anon could ever write. you should trip yourself accordingly so that we may identify you from here on out

Keep feeling like in life something had ought to come easy. Tried math, tried people, tried nearly everything really and nothing felt suited to me. Now I'm trying literature and though I've been having more success with it, there's still no catharsis. Still no heavens opening up and god coming down to say, this is your calling or what have you. Just feels like something that comes a bit easier to me, not by much so as to really make it significant though. I suppose if it isn't books then I'm out of options, really, the way life's gone for me, this is my last chance to actually make something of myself, my last chance to make my way out of drifting, wageslaving, drinking, etc. Honestly I know where I stand. When I finish a book I can recall the plot and major themes that are involved but to really look under the hood and say something profound or original - I might as well be an invalid, going by what I've been able to infer. I have nothing to say, oh, everyone expects me to be this great writer based on how much I've read but nothing comes easy to me. Words are hard won. I could never be like Thomas Mann with an 800-page journal of political/aesthetic observations. My thoughts are simply too abbreviated, incomplete, remedial. My family thinks I can produce something great, that I'd ought to produce something great with what they've given me and the time I've spent alone. I simply don't know how to tell them, that I'm just another sad mediocrity

This isn't me btw. >>17852484

I'm the one who said "it's time to stop". I don't know exactly who triggered whom here, but ok. So we've come that far.

>>17852484
What is the definition of "cry"? Who is crying and who is giving good advice? - The condition of this board?

>>17852514
Is there a human being writing or a virus writing there? Are you a virus? Does what you write make any sense at all?

One has every reason to wonder whether it is people or malicious machines that write here.

It's time to stop, ok?

popcorn is not filling at all. it is like eating salty air

>>17852619
Yes but then you can eat a ton of it and it's fun and tastes nice.

People here like to pretend that their lives are worthless. That's what bothers me. Because their life is worth as much as my life. (It's not explicitly about my life or your life, but about life)

So you are sublimely saying that the lives of others are not worth anything either. You are just conveying that life is nothing. Because everything you read here gives you this message. So people don't help each other out here, they pull each other down!

So don't pretend it's the most normal thing in the world to write about suicide.

Do you get your motivation from that? That you write that you want to "kill yourself" and someone gives good reasons not to do that, or good reasons to make your life beautiful just so that in the end you can write that you don't want to feel good? Or that you don't believe in yourself?

"No, I don't want me to be fine. And I don't understand what you're telling me either."

>>17852683
yea... yea it's alright

>>17852691
Or maybe I don't see properly and I overreact and it's totally "cringe" what I'm doing here. Because we only "chat" anonymously with each other and it's really only about the "traditional". Just a zeitgeist.

Or, perhaps, it is precisely the "cringe" that makes people feel uncomfortable. And this uneasiness leads to the fact that you might come up with another thought instead of following the gray thread.

>>17852691
Nice reddit spacing you retarded bitch

>>17852691
if you push the materialistic framework which is dominant right now to it's limit, there is no reason to place any special value on human life

>>17852949
that's not reddit spacing, you absolute troglodyte newfag

I just don’t know how seriously to take Christianity.

I’ve realised , fundamentally, that I am a secular-humanist-postmodernist at heart. The appeals to authority and more rigid aspects of Christianity scare me - they feel “pre-Enlightenment” to me.

Did the West become great because of, or in spite of, Christianity?

Why did Paul convert? Why did all those apostles martyr themselves? Am I sinning if I don’t call out every homosexual I meet? Did millennial “nu-atheism” accelerate things like transgenderism/SJWism?

Is Christianity racist? Are all those Chinamen and Indians heathens? Why would YHWH only make contact with man in a relatively confined geographical area in a relatively confined time period?

Fundamentally, is it all just a fear of heck that motivates even the most sophisticated theology?

>>17853022
1. You shouldn't get too lost in terms like materialism just because you've picked it up somewhere and you think you have fully understood it. It just makes yourself smaller than you are.

But people like him don't make themselves smaller with it, they try to make themselves bigger than others.

This is not a scientific experiment or monitoring of those who, "in your opinion", "don't know any better".

It seems that many have fun denying others their own intelligence and setting limits to other people, I have seen that quite often. This is an attack on human dignity. Man is more than that, but it's not easy to convey that. The true knowledge of oneself is hidden within everyone. And everyone would feel it if they stopped looking for validation online. That can quickly end in addiction and dependence.

2. Those who suffer in silence learn to deal better with their own pain. One should try to see it as natural, something that comes from within. Therefore, it has to be resolved and eliminated from within instead of from the outside. When you share it, you are more likely to pass on your own pain to the next, rather than having helped anyone with it. That's what I mean by "pulling each other down".

>>17852949
3. Grow up

>>17852781
>following the gray thread
4. By "thread" I didn't mean specifically threads on this board/ or this thread but rather a guiding thread of thought.

>>17853334
>It seems that many have fun denying others their own intelligence and setting limits to other people, I have seen that quite often. This is an attack on human dignity
this seems easy to explain, putting other down to lift yourself is rather common