/lit/ - Literature

>>17805718
Maybe the teacher shouldn't be so antagonistic (and fear mongering "getting cancelled" is faggot shit), but I don't feel sorry for the girl.

I liked the first two lines

>>17805718
it's a little cliche but i don't think it's bad. i definitely don't agree with the idea you should only write from perspectives you know.

>>17805718
The story is pretty badly written, but the professor was out of line. Both because fuck her, you can write from whatever perspective you want to. Second because (the chosen people) are immune from cancellation.

>>17805718
The teacher was right. This is just the lowest kind of misery porn written in the worst possible way.

>>17805718
you should tell the girl you liked it and then have secks

>>17805718
>did she deserve it
no. your professor and class are losers perpetuating a culture that will reduce them to mentally ill harpies obsessed with ousting others and no able to have normal conversations.

>>17805750
I like the first three lines.

>Boulder winters are cold. They're even colder when you're living in a tent off of the creek path. I like my tent.

Now that's a fucking story.

>>17805718
No, she publicly confessed to being the JAP equivalent of Tantalus and should have been praised for her courage despite her inability to write.

>>17805718
Not even 5 lines into it and the jew's corpofilia is already on display.

>>17805747
She was a lot nicer than that, obviously, but that was the gist of what she said.

>>17805787
Do you really think a homeless person thinks to him/herself “I like my tent”?
How dense can you be? Come on.

>>17805718
You guys were too harsh.

>>17805718
The fact that your professor teaches creative writing invalidates any opinions he has on writing.

>>17805718
Did the professor know she is Jewish? If you make this known I'm sure everyone will change their opinion.
Also the story wasn't written well, but I don't see the issue with the content.

>>17805718
the prose is okay, but she probably ought to research what it's like to be homeless fairly thoroughly before she writes from such a perspective - which it definitely doesn't seem like she did. homeless people aren't idiotic, even if they're often mentally ill. it'd genuinely better if she changed the perspective of that of an animal or child - it'd make the narration much more justifiable.

>>17805884
A Beckettian tramp would.

>>17805718
I live in boulder are you at CU? I jog past these bums everyday

>>17805988
ohhhhhhh snap!

>>17805718
Hardly groundbreaking stuff but the prose isn't bad. Teacher sounds like a Presbyterian schoolmarm and should kill herself.

>>17806195
also, I meant to say that this is laughably bad haha

>>17805884

>>17805718
yes, creative writing classes always have at least one rich kid LARPing about pitying the poor and homeless. it's almost like a sitcom stock character, bitch in your class is no different.

pretty lame story but she didn't deserve to be embarrassed like that, maybe if she wrote about his life before becoming homeless so we can get to know the character better and then jumped into the actual plot? as it is him just talking about how bad it is to be homeless is pretty boring because everybody already knows it sucks, probably some credence to the "stay in your lane" comment but not that it's wrong to write about someone with different experiences just that it's hard to write a compelling story if you're not familiar with what you're even talking about, I also think it'd be neat if he became friends with someone from a wealthy family and contrasts how little she does for everything she has with how hard he worked to maintain so little before he fell on hard times and lost everything but not in an incel jealous sort of way just observations but use the rich character explore how miserable a life of excess where you don't accomplish anything and have it end with it turning out that she has some sort of natural talent like cooking that her parents never encouraged her to persue because they were never around and so he encourages her and they open a restaurant/soup kitchen together

>>17805787
holy...i want more

>>17805884
Why not? At least they have a tent. You are revealing your lack of perspective.

>>17805884
I mean Sisyphus is happy, is he not?

>>17806271
Who knows? The thing is that we must imagine him that way.

>>17806277
you could also just kill yourself

>>17806293
one must imagine him happy that way

>>17806185
>>17806215
>>17806264
>>17806271
t. butthurt privileged jewish girls

ngmi

>>17806261
The story is about a chronic masturbator who sets up his tent near the Boulder creek path and masturbates to all the people who walk by. He can see out but nobody can see in. The story is a reflection on social isolation and a desire for connection

>>17806313
2deep4me

>>17805884
If they'd originally gone without a tent or any other sort of cover and now they have a tent, they'd absolutely love their tent.

>>17806313
How does the story end?

>>17806313
this is not op but I like it better
Here's the next page

>>17806489
I'll just go ahead and post the whole thing lmao

>>17805808
it-s college what do you expect

>>17806504
It's probably the worst thing I've read in a while
We're about halfway done

>>17806504
post a page from your story too OP, its only fair.

>>17806520
big yikes all around on this
>filename

>>17806504
Yeah, fuck this.

>>17806520
yeah this is dogshit

>>17806528
>>17806529
We're not done yet
>>17806526
but you guys will bully me :c

>>17806548
>We're not done yet
I am, so does not matter.

>>17806548
this is the uh... ending. if you wanna call it that.

>>17805718
>>17806520
>>17806504
>>17806489

This prose screams "I AM A USELESS CHILD", and it's consistent, so it's not particularly bad writing.

But, I'm not sure if it's your classmate's unironic internal voice, or the female tendency to see pathetic/destitute people/animals as childlike in order to make a woman empathetic to that. Either way, it says a lot more about her than about anything else

>>17806567
What-s worse than her writing is this faggot posting it here and reveling in the moment, as if it didnt make him look like an insecure fucking retard that he is.

>>17806581
laughing at shit writing is all in good fun. you feeling second hand embarrassment, or is that remorse you fucking pussy? you actual onions boy? kill yourself before i do it for you

>>17806604
>you feeling second hand embarrassment, or is that remorse you fucking pussy? you actual onions boy? kill yourself before i do it for you
Nah, I just look down on faggots like you and OP alike.

>>17806611
>i'm insecure and want to make fun of people but i'm too afraid to do it so i'll just make fun of those who make fun of others and then nobody can call me a faggot

>>17806611
Sweetie its not like I'm putting this girl's twitter out there and asking y'all degenerates to bully her.
If you're such a moral faggot, what the fuck are you doing on 4chan??

>>17806604
What's this? based butterfly? In my thread?

>>17806645
>muh moralfaggotry
It-s not that, simply that you are that pathetic that you get off to mocking your classmates on 4chan and are using anons to tear her because you dislike her so much. At least post your own writing if you are so much better or fuck off with your personal vendettas elsewhere.

>>17805718
>plot twist
>the rich jewish girl was OP since the beginning

>>17805718
Are you in a private university? Myopia aside, this would have been the cream of the crop my creative writing workshop. At least the sentences are sentences.
And the prof let plenty of stories like this go like water under the bridge with a quiet “C”

>>17806548
>but you guys will bully me
it will only help your writing Buff

>>17806653
ok
hope you like cringy RP about 1800s naval life

>Creative writing class
>Only write about your own experiences
>Stay in your lane
Professor should have told everyone to only write nonfiction and avoid imagination if that's what she wanted. Not saying the story is good--it's fucking horrible--but god forbid a woman write about anything other than her own experiences. I've been in these workshops, and I know a girl creating a story about fucking ANYTHING more than breakup/relationship drama or LGBT shit would be like taking your first sip of water after walking in the desert for two days. Since this is still social issues stuff, she's toeing the line, but we should give her a break since, after all, it's typical for women.

>>17806679
>about 1800s naval life
not a bad pick actually, especially if you write a good shanty or two

>>17806653
she'll never know man. At least let us have our little /lit/ club in cyberspace, we don't have much else. Its anonymous anyway no harm done.

What makes this story so bad? Not a rhetorical question

>>17806310
suck on my fat khazar milkers, incel

>>17806692
prof did specify that if you're going to write about someone else's perspective (especially a marginalized group) you have to at least do a good job.
Seriously, the way the professor handled it was very professional, but the undertones made it clear she was disgusted in this students work.

>>17806699
I stole the memey popular one kek

>>17806679
At the least, you're a better writer than she is and your criticism is fair. Especially since THIS is an actual story with dialogue. You're also not dumb enough to write in first-person when you don't know what you're doing.

>>17806703
Harm is done and there-s a chance it spreads and reaches her with time, but regardless it-s more the spinelessness of it all that-s the biggest red flag about this behavior. Now, I wouldn-t object to it if you actually discussed the writing itself and offered constructive criticism, as well as made fun of it, but simply pissing on it like this is rock bottom as far as I-m concerned.

>>17806679
I like it, how did he carry a glass of grog up to the top mast tho

>>17806728
>I stole the memey popular one kek
based

>>17806679
If you were in my workshop, I’d ask for more sense stimulation. You have a lot of material description, but not tactile. In a setting like this, knowing what it smells like would go a long way.

>>17806722
It's not a story for one thing. It's just a setting/character being narrated; and it's full of cliches. The entire explanation about homeless life is based on common knowledge and sayings, and it infantilizes them; portraying them as weak instead of hardened.

>>17806738
this is all real criticism, she should be embarrasses writing that trash in college. It is just that bad, stop being a pussy.

>>17806731
>you're a better writer than she is
the bar wasn't high
>>17806738
hey, fuck off pls, ty
>>17806741
he's russian.

>>17806728
You like the idea of sound “rising,” don’t you?

>>17806752
yeah talk about the dead whale smell

>>17806761
This is not real criticism, lmao. It-s petty bullshit.

>>17806766
>hey, fuck off pls, ty
Make me.

>>17806556
okay, the beginning was fine if questionable but the rest is just dogshit

>>17806769
>me only just realizing I did it twice
wew
>>17806752
>>17806772
noted. Thank you, I'll keep this in mind for future revisions

>>17806772
And make a chapter or two about different species of whales, with detailed descriptions straight from marine literature.

>>17805718
Yeah this is laughably bad, this is the kind of shit you see 4chan write.

>>17806782
based
>>17806788
I don't like where this is going

>>17806776
this is real criticism you absolute pussy. you dont belong here
>It's not a story for one thing. It's just a setting/character being narrated; and it's full of cliches. The entire explanation about homeless life is based on common knowledge and sayings, and it infantilizes them; portraying them as weak instead of hardened.

>>17806489
>If you're hungry, if you've been hungry for days and days, your stomach will not be quiet.
factually incorrect

>>17806802
This is it for my story. Hope you enjoyed it a little more than the other one.

>>17806802
ahh I see now, the cosmic horror element is a metaphor for Nicholas getting raped by the Russian on the top mast. The russian has been drugging his grog and molesting him high above where nobody can help him.

>>17806841
unbelievably based

>>17806818
Stop posturing with this whole ur a pussy m8 wah wah shtick, actual criticism this is not not matter how much you yell otherwise.

alright bro im gonna go take a stroll around campus. meet me by the engineering center and Ill suck your dick

>>17806854
ur ngmi bitch

>>17806855
wear something red so I know its you

>>17806604
why are you impersonating her anyway?

>>17806862
I never want to, aiming for the unreachable is what it-s all about.

>>17805718
>taking a creative writing class
it was over before it began

>>17806840
really enjoyable but I don't understand why they think it was a suicide attempt how bad he's beat up I don't see how it would even be physically possible for him to do it to himself? I like the not being able to give his side of the story and dying with everyone hating him thing because people thinking bad of me and having no way to convince them otherwise is one of my biggest fears

>>17805718

i agree the first two lines are good, i wanted to read more. too bad the rest is awful.

>>17806924
from their perspective, he just fell off the top ropes.
Injuries are consistent with falling on your head

>>17805884
My homeless friend liked it, actually. He's a misanthrope. I used my talks with him to judge the rest of the text though, since they were obviously divorced from experiences as homeless person: the way the girl writes is nowhere near how he, nor any homeless person I've talked to, has described it.

>>17806185
if the prof were any good, they'd stop the class and make everyone write a paragraph from a tramp's pov. There are clearly, as you mentioned, ways to do this w/o seeming condescending or cliche, and I think the "stay in your lane" criticism is pretty unconvincing.

>>17805718
>implies the homeless are equal or worse to literal trash
based.
The story is badly written but who cares that she's a bourgeois jew? she can write about whatever she wants, only that, knowing jack shit about homelesness it's going to be bad and uninformed.

>>17806313
based and diogenes pilled. Most writers are too charitable to write a low character in anything but a sacred way, and thus never consider the nihilistic public fapper.

>>17806556
What the fuck? Is this some Truman Show shit?

>>17805884
I think xe can think whatever xerselfs likes?

>>17805718
It's not bad, sounds like the teacher and students are retards.
Too bad you didn't stand up for her or anything you care about, ever.

>>17805718
It's not a good story, but college workshop stories never are. I really hope this thread is b8.

>>17805762
OP likely was using a bit of hyperbole in describing the professor, for the sake of the post anon

>>17805718
>I ... I ..... I ...... I
Somewhat, yes. More composition than it being a hobo story per se — power play is bs-ing a vagrancy story by the chick; if fact, you should bait a similar confrontation with the TA untenured groid, for laffs

>>17805988
You know you've got a point there. It's like saying you want to be a successful businessman and winding up at the bottom of a pyramid scheme to sell mildly useful appliances to somebody else.

>>17805718
I hope that isnt a real story OP because this page is good and it would be really fucked up for a professor to just shit all over a person like that for nothing.

>>17805718
Content is fine but it reads kind of goofy. I don't think you necessarily need to write from experience, but the prof has a point that you should take the time to educate yourself before writing from different perspectives. Honestly a more interesting and "safer" route would have been to write from the perspective of the homeless man's tents. I've been attacked by very few tents in my life.

>>17806788
And don't forget to include a detailed argument as to why whales are fish and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

>>17805787
>My tent is mine. Its continued upkeep is entirely under my control. If the four swiffer brooms were not re-adjusted into the two V-formations everyday, it would cease to be a tent, and just be a molded tarp and four brooms. But because I do re-adjust the broom handles every morning after the wind, or rain, or snow, has knocked them down it remains a tent. My tent. The tent I have the power to destroy and therefore own.

>>17806556
Is this like that part in American Psycho where they pretend to be homeless for fucking kicks?

>>17806556
at first I thought she was trying to go for a The Stranger type thing with the prose, but the longer I read the more it seems like she just writes with that little eloquence

>>17805718
This is it. If I write one more word, it’ll be the furthest in this story I’ve ever been.