/lit/ - Literature

>>17207943
>>17207943
post an excerpt, it does seem like poor writing if all you do is use figures of speech

>>17207947
Let me try to write a new piece of text.
I understand It's unreadable if you're ignorant of figures of speech.


Oh, you see and I see insideth -most of insideness and underthneanesstly- but who'll see, free of though, thought and thoughness of thinking about and above the fatal condition, of arrogance, of mediocrity -and all mediocriness of mediocremost- and the mediocrity that ultimate gift of intelectual intelectual intelectualism robs yourself and meself or the upmost God recognition of his eternal and mernal and doernal gift.

>>17207943
You're assuming that everyone is on the same level of understanding as you. Those multiple figure of speech may interdict the meaning of the text due to how they interfere with the interpretation. Superfluous writing suggests linguistic affliction because the bloat is due to ill-health.

>>17207999
>ornamentation is bad
t. midwit

>>17207980
Your writing is shit, and it's purple to the point of being masturbatory. It's so goddamned obscurantist that even Derrida himself would tell you to slow down. There's nothing wrong with being a little flowery at points and having a bit of purple prose (at least in fiction; in academic works one should expect their readers to be both stupid and lazy and should explain as much as possible without demeaning the reader) but you take it too far. It sounds like an ESL's attempt at writing poetry.

>>17208015
t. midwit confused with a couple figures of speech

>>17207980
AHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
>nuh-uh guys I swear I'm not a poor writer! You just don't get it because I use figures of speech
delete everything you ever wrote and then kys

>>17208027
my writing requires to have some education, that's why is too dificult for pseuds and midwits.

>>17208019
Yes, yes, you like to huff your own farts and act amazed with yourself for producing shit. Even without the fact that you're trying to cram more turns of phrase and figures of speech in there than your mother has crammed cocks in the barren wasteland she calls a cunt, your example sentence was riddled with more errors than your life. Unironically consider going into trade school instead and take up reading as a hobby, writing isn't for you yet.

>>17208019
>>17207980

I don’t mind figures of speech or the like, I just find the repetition repetitive and non-effective. Seems like you’re trying to pull a Joyce or a nabokov but you haven’t produced enough aesthetic or mythological elements to justify it but perhaps this is sorted in a longer work.

Can’t really blame normies for not liking it anon.

>>17207980
kek

>>17208034
>requires to have
>that's why is too
ESL detected, maybe your writing in your mother tongue is better. If it isn't, you should be banned from /lit/, holy fuck. You come off as borderline illiterate.

>>17208037
hey bach, your music is too complex for low IQ average people, you're a bad composer.

>>17208042
It was just a mere shitpost improvised in 30 seconds, It doesn't have substance because It was just done to showcase an example.

If I were to write something real I would have to use meter and care more to craft each sentence.

>>17208055
The difference between Bach's complexity and your "complexity" is that Bach's work can be challenging and you are challenged.

>>17208062
kek, great post.

>>17207980
Peak pseud

>>17208062
You can't even write something 1/10 as complex even if you tried hard.

>>17208055
Go ahead, what meter do you usually write in? Like if you really wanted to impress us why not write something short in tetrameter with a bunch of bacchics and choriambs? Maybe a Asclepiad. Or just write in your normal style with actual substance. Show us what you got anon.

>>17208071
This sentence would be better served with the conditional (such as in "You couldn't") than it's currently rendered. In any case, I never claimed to be a great writer (or a composer); the issue is that you did, when you clearly aren't, you pseud.

>>17207943
ok, so what do you want?
do you want them to praise your writing even though by their metrics it's just not good?
go find a different audience, or find a different style, or don't - but either way I recommend not being a pretentious cunt

>>17207980
>I understand It's unreadable if you're ignorant of figures of speech
Knowing what figures of speech are and how they function does not make them more comprehensible during the act of reading. They still do the same thing, i.e. occlude literal "common sense" meaning.
The writing itself is not unsalvageable, but I fear you don't actually know what you're trying to do and without knowing that you also won't find a way to salvage it.

>>17208055
Bach studied the precise rules of polyphony for god knows how many years, and wrote music that average people would listen to every Sunday at the local church (his cantatas, passions, etc).
Imagine being so pretentious you compare yourself to Bach to defend your writing.

For future /lit/ meme threads

>>17208078
I need to practice my poetry skills, as such is not a skill I'm acquanted with.

Will post soon some shitposting in form of poems.


>>17208084
>>17208082
not my fault you don't know basic figures of speech.

>>17207980
genuine lol

>>17208108
>not my fault you don't know basic figures of speech.
So wait, is your writing complex, as you say in the first post, or is it basic?

>>17208108
The issue isn't figures of speech, the issue is that you're a mediocre writer (at least in English; at this point I'm still holding out some hope for you in your mother tongue, because this is just disappointing), which is easily seen through how you write in other cases, such as
>as such is not a skill I'm acquanted with
>Will post soon
>in form of poems

>>17208108
>>17208108
You're really bad at writing. Making something inaccessible to the average person is not talent. Do you think anyone would read Joyce if Finnegan's wake was his only work? You're a wannabe and the fact you call everyone midwits and pseuds who offers you legitimate advice shows that you will never be critical enough to actually become talented.

>>17208137
It's not that complex, since it uses a small set of figures I remember right now.

It's not full autism where there are multiple layers of tmesis with aliteration and mirror sentences.

>>17208140
I can try to write autistically in spanish, but that's not the argument.
Spanish doesn't have such autistic potential because of latin vocabulary.

>>17208157
>dude you're a poor writer because my harvard teacher told me writing should be concise and simple to understand like hemingway

>>17208167
>he bought the renaissance man meme
I hate to break it to you, but even if you were particularly intelligent, intelligence alone means very little. Good artistic work, in the true sense of the term, is 75% inspiration, 25% practice, intelligence and talent.

>>17207980
based

>>17208167
Nice Reddit spacing, go back

>>17208188
literature is an art form.
as such, it doesn't have the same aspirations as normal daily language use.

Making literature complex for the sake of being complex is a valid goal on itselft.
Otherwise you're saying something like math is not valid because research math is too dificult and complex.

>>17208208
>Making literature complex for the sake of being complex is a valid goal on itselft.
No, it's not. Or at most, it is a very niche area that few people, even intelligent people, would enjoy.

And I never implied art had the same aspirations as daily language use. Mathematical research is not art. Are you being serious with these statements?

And so -I thoughed to Iself- that's final day, day final of my own destination, destiny and finalization. My obsesion morbid, that morbidity days where I finally realized -oh, and indeed I did- that there was and was not an escape from the fierce, abrut and miserable trajectory I sat for thyself and myself.
No one and nobody and none though I was gonna -going to one to decide for- end my days that day.
What's and why's and who'sht the point of beauty; Who's care gonna care?; Why should'a one's care bout?
Why should someone, anyone, whoever, care about the infinite questions that pound my heart, my inner desires, and above all, that feel final instict of improvement of self.
Why care?

>>17207943
>>17207980
Is this bait? Or ESL autism?

>>17208216
Most people aren't concerned with fine art or avant garden art.

Doesn't mean is not a valid thing, just like most people can't read an advanced math college research paper.

>>17208108
Then what meter do you usually write in? who is the idol of your bardolatry?
Would admitting pastiche be such a great sin?

Shakespeare Is worshipped in such idolatry
Because he refined his pastiche with elegance
By adding musical elements sundry

If you want to bare the Laurel of excellence
You must harmonize ideas with the text
Surely This will show much more intelligence

Do not be downtrodden nor be you so vexed
Let stern critique be honey that brightens eyes
Then perhaps when others become So perplexed

They shall be just like Thales who nearly dies
Due to his interest in the astral writings
Do not be foolish icarus when he flies

And upon Helios Apollon’s sightings
Must he perish in perilous arrogance
It is better to rebuke your nescience

>>17208232
I wanted to write like shakespeare, that's why I put effort into copying his skills.

But I realized I could go deeper into rethoric autism into something that imitates joyce autism.

There's no way this isn't bait. Most of this shit isn't even grammatically sound, and riddled with spelling errors

>>17208251
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enallage

They're called enallages, brainlet.

>>17208240

Got any poetry you could share?
Prose fragments would be equally fair.

>>17208216
He is 0n, he is a legit schizo

>>17208267
some faggot posted a writing I made like a year ago.

see
>>17208218

>>17207980
I thought it was good OP, don't listen to the gaylords in this thread. Read some Jocko, get up early, and keep at it

>>17208071
His little jab was more complex than your wannabe swill.

>>17207943
>>17207980
>>17208009
This is dangerous, friendo. If you cram a paragraph with grammatical structures and figures of speech, it loses its elegance and fluidity. In other words, while they may be midwits and tards, you're not a great writer friend.

>avant garden art.
BASED ESL RETARD

>>17208299
not every piece of art should be prose for mass consumption.

>>17208055
your writing is more Zappa-esque, in that it is both pretentious and lacking in aesthetic. Bach wrote EVERYTHING for God.

>>17208312
You jerking yourself off, be it physically or intellectually, is not art.

>>17208167
>it uses a small set of figures I remember right now.
You do know that figures are not meant to be utilitied that mechanically? You seem like you've read a stylistics manual with a list of figures and think that's all there is to writing.
By the way, it's spelled "alliteration".

>>17208208
>as such, it doesn't have the same aspirations as normal daily language use.
>Making literature complex for the sake of being complex is a valid goal on itselft
Language of literature being focused onto something other than direct communication does not mean that it isn't communicative in a wider sense, that it can't create aesthetic and intellectual effects. Your writing isn't complex, it is just wankery with nothing behind it.
Once you get tired of your manual of stylistic figures, I recommend reading Shklovsky and Lotman.

>>17208232
Look at this shit. A bunch of figures and empty effects (unsuccessfuly) hiding highschool-level "existentialism".

>>17208277
>a writing
lmfao

>>17207980
It's been over an hour now, so can you say if you were serious or just trying to get a couple (you)'s? I'll respect either answer OP. I just have trouble gauging whether I'm being trolled or not these days.

>>17208299
>>17208216
>>17208188
>>17208167
>>17208157
>>17208140
>>17208137
>>17208129
>>17208099
>>17208084
>>17208082
>>17208078
>>17208072
>>17208069
>>17208062
>>17208047
>>17208037
>>17208027
>>17207999
>>17207947

and especially
>>17208015

Seethingly mediocre mediocre midwit mediocrityic mediocre midwit faget

>>17207980

>>17208325
>>17208324
I'm not expecting non PHD to enjoy it.

>>17208328
Again, seeking complexity for the sake of complexity and baroque ornamentation is not a sin on itself and is a worthy use of posibilities regarding what language can do.

Not everything must follow the XX century ideal of brutalist architecture.

>>17208299

Ye that was the bulk of my critique in my little poem.

>>17208277

While I also write in a similar poetic-prose synthesis, I find the key of elegnece in poesy is when the structure becomes invisible and Form becomes purely functional.

The repetition of words and the constant use of “-“ is just plain ugly and takes me out of the textual-aesthetic experience.

Here’s an example of my own prose for context. I think though reference filled and the like it’s still capable of producing a aesthetic experience and imo the rhyme and alliteration work with the image and emotion and not against it. Free to call it shit of course!

>>17208328
No existentialism in the slightest friendo! But I fully admit my writing is garbage, still fun to do.

>>17208333
Yes.

>>17207980
It really isn't that hard to understand, it's just bad.
>ESL too

>>17208347
>constant use of "-"
It's called a tmesis

Why do ESLs do the em dash like that? I've noticed that they, sometimes, don't space out the em dash completely, leaving the inside connected. Any ESLs know the reason for this
Non-ESL
> - [words] -
ESLs
> -[words]-

>>17208333
Shut up Jockoposter, he spits on men like you. Keep jacking off to your writing, faggot.

>>17207980
If you really believe in this writing why don't you upload it to some literature forum somewhere anonymously.

I think you care more about attaching your name to something that seems smart to you and less about writing something that means anything. This is worse than the pseuds who rape a thesaurus to make a simple facebook post.

>>17208376
My goal is not making literature, but games.

Eventually I will finish learning all the skills to make games and you will know me.

>>17208312
But not every piece of art should be like yours, either: stuffy, overbearing, self-aggrandising.

I kind of feel bad for ESLs. Due to its economic and cultural dominance—especially on the internet—a lot of people almost feel forced to write in English instead of their native language.

>>17208371
Again it isn’t effective, the second a reader notices the structure and it pulls them away from the aesthetic experience, the text has partially failed.

I do not say this as one who believes his skills superior to your own, I say this as one who knows when a work is aesthetically pleasing of himself. Have you ever enjoyed a writing when the form of the writing has distracted you from the text itself, save for when the text is designed specifically as a kind of puzzle?

>>17208393
>>17208401
It's an exploration of how complex language can become.

But also is meant to be used as shocking device or just small parts, or maybe some character talks like that.

It's just funny to see how it triggers "experts" on writing on 4chan.

I'm not retarded enough to think writing an entire novel like this is good writing.

>>17208312
True. I'm sure people who are into literal dog shit will love your work

>>17208391
If that’s the point you shouldn’t at all be worried that it isn’t enjoyable nor comprehensible to many, if you are going to play a nabokov/Joyce-like game that is. If your priorities aren’t beautiful aesthetic experiences but intricate word games then it is by a different ruler you have to be measured.

>>17208410
Silence. wordlet.

>>17208407
But anon the context of the thread is the question of normie consumption. If you’re intentionally writing word games, well that’s a different way to analyze your writing and so far you haven’t reached truly high complexity, but you admit this so it’s fine.

>>17208345
>non PHD
you mean people without PhDs?
>Not everything must follow the XX century ideal of brutalist architecture.
20th*, and the previous century had a lot of complexity for complexity's sake (nothing inherently bad).

>>17208407
It's not about exploring how complex language is, it's about writing good, expressive prose without entering "muh complexity, muh technical proficiency" territory.

>>17208412
>>17208427
>>17208449
Again, is just meant to be a mere style that in small doses is perfect for certain situations.
Maybe a character has read so much that he's became another don quixote and speak such indecipherable way.

Again, is mere meant to be the talk of some crazy demented genius or unreliable narrator.
It's not meant to be used for the entire work.

As silly as pretending that making a symphony made of just the epic final brass of explosive coda to be a good idea.

But is nice style to triggers pseuds and retoriclets on 4chan.

Reminder OP is a Columbium living in delusion that he is a great man and is somehow better than most people.

>>17208407
If your goal is actually to sparingly use it, then fine, you can leave it as is, providing that you're cognizant of the fact that it's moving past language as a form of communication. I'd recommend fixing up some of the parts that are actually errors (be they spelling or grammatical) since the effect is ruined when it's clearly actually error-filled writing. As a sort of demonstration and intellectual exercise it could be fun and neat in context though.

>>17208473
Be careful, 0n. You're overdosing on copium.

>>17208473
Then can you show us What a paragraph of a normal scene would look like? Another fragment but from a normative scene, or write an example. Like, describe this image in your normal prose.

>>17208479
>doesn't have a descriptive view of grammar
Does it work? Good. Use it.

>>17208496
I wrote this in spanish (translated using google) as mere shitpost off someone on /int/


Night after night, day after day, week after week, it was the same fucking dream. July woke up suddenly, sweatily, hotly on a summer night. What he dreamed was the same over and over again, that image, that guy ... He was the Bolitoro, a 1.45-inch Native American, with brown skin, cacique's features, champion's posture, the arms of a Mapuche warrior, imposing, impressive, capable of flattening a hundred thousand houses that recessive Europeans built in Lanus, the town July called home before fleeing. The bolitoro, with his alpha male jaw, infinite hundreds and anime hair that shone in the sun of that town, looked up at July's face and told him to hand over his cell phone; Oh no, July said, scared to death, starving and starving, carrying on his shoulders the genocide he committed against the ancestral Amerindian race. Oh no, please, please, I beg you, Mr. Amerindian, please, please, do not take my cell phone, look that I have not finished paying it and my girlfriend gave it to me yesterday, I still have 36 installments left. The Amerindian, I snatched it from his hand, Julio felt all the strength of the pachamama, he felt what a true alpha chieftain was, he was afraid if his girlfriend had seen him at that time, on the ground, defeated, while the Amerindian flattened his manhood. The Muisca Cacique Mapucho, smiled inwardly and spat at July in the face, and said: "Next time you are giving me more than this garbage, idiot."
That incident, the room that the Amerindian had caused him that year, four cell phones that his family had replaced. That incident, July could only remember while sweating profusely.
July hoped to forget her sad destiny, that no one would know her past, for this she traveled to a foreign land, in search of inner peace, but it will never be enough to eliminate that memory from her mind.
The Amerindian will always flatten my house, July repeated over and over again

>>17208515
based adjectival adverbal usage, English is usually too gay to know how to use that. Good

>>17208515
>>17208532
You will never be a native English speaker.

>>17208558
I speak the based language of cervantes and not the language of subhuman anglos.

>>17208515
Once more I see a lot of repetition, you know, a wonderful aspect of Virgil is that when he does repetition, he can restate the same exact information but through different wording and structure that he opens up new information about the same information relayed, or the Sumerians and various elder poetry used a ton of actual repetition with slight changes which produce an actual hypnagogic and memetic affect upon the reader.

Your aesthetic choices are personally pretty bad but that’s a matter of taste, never understood the appeal of basically cuck fantasies, the reference to pachamama does nothing other than tell us, you, the writer knows the name and nothing else of relevance so that distracts from the function of the writing itself.

The thing is, I just can’t induce an aesthetic experience, there is no real imagery nor do I see any conceptual weight in anything you’ve posted and I’ll blame this on translation but it’s a slog/boring to read especially out loud.

>>17208568
You speak the language of lower class America

>>17207980

"I do listen to crit u guize" he said. Clean your gun korwill

>>17208586
>>17208558
You will never be a real language. You have no style. You have no descriptiveness. You have no compound adverbial adjectives. You are a collection of bastardized German and Latin welded together by anal retentive neo-Aristocratic WASPS, enforced at gunpoint by mutt golems twisted into a crude mockery of nature's perfection.

>>17208373
ESL here, I don't do that since I'm not retarded, [Spoiler] unlike OP. /spoiler

>>17208391
>My goal is not making literature, but games
Oh, I remember you. You're the wannabe "polymath" guy. Anyway this bootleg Joyce style of writing will fare even poorer in the context of a game.

>>17208603
You spics are literal mutts of Spaniards and abbos. You will never write well in English, and that alone makes you seethe to oblivion

>>17208607
Yeah but why do some do this? Is a remnant of their own language? Also
>I'm not retarded
>fucks up the spoiler tag in two different ways

>>17208407
>It's an exploration of how complex language can become
>intelectual intelectual intelectualism
>yourself and meself
Bro, come on. This reminds me of that section in Alan Moore's Jerusalem where he crams all this wordplay into every sentence just for the hell of it. It's all sound and fury, and I'm sure you know what that signifies.

this is why /lit/ is a joke

>>17208473
become*, it's merely*, and the rest is just written like shit
>>17208617
Borges knew English better than Buckley bucko

>>17208627
nah
>the spoiler
seguila chupando

>>17208055
>NOOO IT WAS JUST A SHITPOST THAT I SAID WAS AN EARNEST POST
>NOOO I WAS JUST MEMEING I AM NOT A BAD WRITER

>>17207980
>underthneanesstly
what?

>>17207980
this is bait

>>17208373
I have no fucking idea of what you meant, how autistic do you have to be to notice a diminute space like that? unless you're a codemonkey you should get checked
t. ETL

>>17207980
nice b8

>>17207980
I think what you're trying to do is something that the English language isn't meant for. It is possible but very hard. For example in English the mediocre mediocrity seems stupid in German "durchschnittliche Durch-schnitt-lich-keit" it doesn't because every part of the word is meaningful, so the small changes in the repition gain more effect. On the other hand English isnt my first language so idk.

>>17208223
>avant garden art.
Its avant-garde OP

>>17208738
OP had an ESL brain fart.

>>17207943
https://www.deviantart.com/uthp/journal/The-Legend-of-Twilight-Zelda-Princess-part-I-348420007

Fine. Here's one a little more simple for you brainlets

And with with that to wit of witty unwittyness. For /lit/, the un/lit/ty illiterate, would not let my language of complex complexity complex without perplex or with unneedeth seetheth -for meself and those like of meself are with such free of though and and without thoughness- as with the few of those with thought and thoughness, genuis is lost in the Godless and midddlingnest; as with to Bach as pearls to swine that cannot fly like flyless mostnotflying -like black jack played with black Jack Black doing a jumping jack. Iffy with biffy, nose so sniffy, my writing is spiffy, nifty, witty and /lit/ty.

>>17208910
>black jack played with black Jack Black doing a jumping jack
how do you even come up with this stuff

>>17207980
, You know, I know the heart and the depths of my heart best, but who knows, about death, pride, banal freedom, thoughtful thoughts and banality to the general banality, this banality to the end is the gift of intellectual property, it is to steal yourself And my own intellectual property, or God’s eternal and intergenerational gift, is the supreme knowledge of God.

>>17207943
Thereis ha excellent y aty peevish un peofa ti po described utis demtha tyo uar eno tawa reof.

>>17207980
I liked it.

>>17208910

>>17208910
This isn't even good all you're doing is retarded word association or repeating the adjective and adverb versions right after each other.
>It's self-fellating fellatio feeling like felt belting down your bell. While to us it looks like shitty shit shitting out your shitter to make a shitty pile of shit sinking our beautiful ship.
See it's not that hard nor good.

>>17207943
It was the sea that we had from the evening of the next day, I was sitting in the car. Me out into a contiguous stream after a long journey from the deep. The spread, and all hills circumventing the scenery. He was old, but there was a need reservoir. No one would use it. Now, where people fish at night. but there was not any one he came to. and stores of victuals, and will not be able to be preserved according to the opinion habit, I may almost call he had long been a fisherman. I am 60 years old and I am no more a third of my life, so that all they in the spent fish for the. And the fishers shall lament, and from them proceed into the river, was shed, and never at me to fish there is. He is tired, so I do not wish to receive it, and the nature of a nap. Yare was time to sleep hearing the sound receivers and burst ulcer volume. I caught a glimpse of a flame speeding car slammed into the consumer will have launched into the river.

>>17208603
You had to write this in English though

>>17208929
>>17208967
This is proof that OP's writing is so bad it's indistinguishable from a very on the nose shitpost. I even put a stupid nametag on.

>>17208910
I honest just don’t find the needless repetition purposeful nor potent. Could you try to write something you consider stereotypically beautiful? Just to see if you can do it.

Like I know my own writing is anachronistic and larpy but I’ll use it as an example

A question to time and an answer

How chance the roses there do fade so fast?
and the virgin marble must be broken?
because the light of life must never last
and calm silence is the last word spoken


Shall I then silent be, or shall I speak?
and will I wake or shall I stay asleep?
the young trees are soft and terribly weak
yet the strong tree is slain and cannot weep

will the mother who’s maw mangles her young
mingle my breath with the briar’s own blight ?
or will the Welkin’s Wyvern whirl his ancient tongue
and let me dwell in eternal delight?

the question of the bard I shall not wait
my heart has chose to have undying faith


Something like this I feel is a pretty stereotypical “beauty” aesthetic, think you could attempt something basic to see if you can do it?

>>17209019
I genuinely couldn’t tell the difference

>>17209022
>>17209031
It's nice you're putting so much effort into educating OP, but if me writing "Iffy with biffy, nose so sniffy, my writing is spiffy," came off like an earnest attempt of his, he might be a lost cause.

>>17209065
Eh, I’m always willing to put in a little patience and effort anon.

>>17207980
Sounds like a tonguetwister

>>17208910
kek, actually better than OP's

>>17207980
I'm dying here

>>17207980
I kinda like it, there's a philip glass-like effect to your text where it kind of tries to sustain the thought as it morphs slowly into the continuation that follows. However I don't understand the last part what do you mean by mernal and doernal?

>>17208910
sneedeth and feedeth

>>17207980
Based XRA writer

>>17207980
lmfao this is so bad

>>17209232
Well and wellmore. Looketh towards the slick of cities -in which are pulled towards in Germanic luxury- with approach with the slickness of the city. Of German fame but southern truth he claims, in where it matters little to prove humility. We, but not I, implore pardon with and not without contempt for the soles on slick of cities are hoofed with wealth. Again and not the last they claim humility, poverty, and pride. "La di da", I but not we utter with and not without pride, the hands of a man are that of labor, the hand of labor are not that of the city. A conflict of belief to control what is natural and resign to what is true. Formeth by Chuck -to suck and fuck- but ruled by Sneed, where the man of labor may aspire seedeth and feedeth. The slick of the city cannot be sustained by seed; the slick of the city is an enemy of Sneed.

>>17207980
>yourself and meself
Damn.... this guy is smart

>>17209398
kek

>n-no! N-NO! my writing is not shit! it does not suck! I swear, I t-tell you please! YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FUH-FUH-FIGURES OF SPEECH!

>>17208910
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..........................................REMINDER........................................

THIS POSTER IS A NOTORIOUS COLOMBIAN SCHIZOPHRENIC
/POL/TARD WHO IS OBSESSED WITH COLOMBIA/WHITENESS
POSTING DOZENS OF BAITS LIKE THIS ON /INT/ EVERY DAY
TO ATTRACT WHITE PEOPLE TO HIS HELLHOLE COUNTRY
HE IS NOT A SANE MAN HE IS AN ANGRY 31 YEAR OLD VIRGIN
AND ONLINE STALKER/HARRASER NAMED CRISTIAN CERON
YOU CANNOT EXPECT A COHERENT RESPONSE FROM HIM
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS THREAD AND JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE
WHAT HE NEEDS IS NOT A REPLY BUT MEDICAL TREATMENT

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>>17209527
you write as derranged as him

>>17207980
This is the best bait i've ever seen. PRETENDING this isn't bait, this is bad. Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't have your best interests in mind and just wants you not to feel bad. You should. This style of writing sucks, forget "poetic" or "figures of speech" you end up literally sounding like a 10 year old kid who's desperately trying to sound smart. It's so terrible.

>>17209527
Notoriousness of posting -infamy of fame to be noted and never not forgotten- posts of proclamations to be mostnotoriousmore. Obsession and fixationeth upon the fairness of beasts and beastlyness of hoofed men; from hell, obsession burns, the burnness of which that passion is lost and only fire remains -flameths that moths alight. Oh Colombia, my hell, my pain, my passion, my insanity. Insidness and life insane from insolent incelebation -wrought with rot that rears my wraith upon the weary and weak: no more a child but a child less for thought to follow backwards towards thought and thoroughness where incoherence because inconherentless and response becomethes aid to aidless and threads becomes worlds and heaven, where only hell remains. Oh my Colombia, Ceron bleeds for you.

This is the OP

>>17209527
Ceron is not virgin, he fucked a prostitute(s?)

>>17209802
Are his ancestors part of some indigenous priestly/academic caste?

>>17209527
How would you write it in those fancy manners y'all use?
The man of name Cristian Ceron given unto him by his progenitos and name 0n given unto him by his peers. Is not as infamy and prejudice follows him and his alike, a virgin, when in truth the man known as Cristian Ceron by his blood and 0n by his peers has known the pleasure of the flesh that only can meet with the touch of a woman and delivered unto him by ways of a lady of the night or perhaps severals.

Did I do it right?

>>17208910
>black jack played with black Jack Black doing a jumping jack
This thread is incredible

>>17207980
Lol

>>17207980
Holy shit

>>17210057
Sorry I am ESL

>>17207943
I've only ever had English education as a second language in school, so I don't have your proficiency. But, I'm gonna try this Anyway.
I'll try to keep it short

He wakes every morning drooping, his head hung below down unto a coarse floor. The analog half-done, pointing in the direction of it's lowest point. His ritual awaits him, he peers of over to his desktop, and he dreads the opening of his cellar's singular door.

The dumpy recluse sits on the diminished gaming chair, and he wonders will his imminent discontent be pleasurable, or does spasmodic joy await another day.

'Thought sex is not sex.' A erractic but common thought for a solitarily indivual. He eyes his new yui hirasawa figure, a dead smile on his face. The old anime figures to left of the desk, the erotic drawn poster right on his wall, the body with a super deformed comfort women below his feet. Proof of the hermit's self-proclaimed otaku culture.

His room dark coffee, it smells very 'human' and for a large space, it felt very small. Bluelight fills the room.....like the birth of new star.....like dawn was past....like the sky has come inside.

His left-hand almost ambidextrous, locked around a silindrous pivot. His right in the process clicking several times per minute.

'Coom'. 'Coom'. 'Coom'. Yes...There is only coom.

His door slid open partly, around corner the veteran watched with melancholy.

'All that fucking shit for this' his only thought. He turned around, walked back into the darkness. He wished he could've walked the earth instead.


>Came out too poetic. Oh well.

>>17210331
>I've only ever had English education as a second language in school
I wouldn't have noticed if you didn't point it out, well done anon :)

>>17210366
Lol. Thank you I suppose. Reading some Tolstoy and nobakov has rubbed off on me.

I want to be web serial writer. I know my grammatical usage is shit, so I'll work on that first I guess.

>>17208312
That's a tired defense. Good writing should have complexity and subtlety in equal, tastful measure.

>>17207980
Elegant proses

>>17209022
Not sure what it means, but I like your writing anon

>>17211616
Thanks anon I’m glad I’m getting better at technical refinement

>>17207980
Brillianth

>>17207943
Next time just post your writing and let us decide. Either you are trying to hold idiots to a higher standard, or you are nowhere near as clever as you think you are; and it is much more likely the latter option.