/lit/ - Literature

>>16827954
How can I get over my distaste for writing comedy? I always feel like I'm being insincere when I write comedy.

Alright anons, I'm back again and ready to critique. If you want dialogue check-ups, end-notes, line edits, rewrites, or narrative advice I'll be here.

If you want feedback but have nothing for review then take the time to practice your writing with this prompt from a thread or two ago.

A big game hunter is wrapping up a tour in Africa. The hunter comes across an endangered white rhino, possibly the last wild one the world. The hunter discovers that (a) poacher/s are in the area. The hunter decides to protect the rhino. Write a short story from 500-5000 words (or more if you want) about this event.

Bonus goals:
1. Write the story in the style of Hemingway. Study his writing style and short stories and translate that into your own work.
2. Make the white rhino a symbol in the same vein as Moby Dick. It can be anything, but present this without directly telling the reader what the symbol means.
3. Humanize the poacher/s. Though it is easy to hate, it is harder to sympathize. Consider John Gardner's (who's books on writing are in the OP) critique of Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath , "Witness Steinbeck's failure in The Grapes of Wrath. It should have been one of America's great books...[S]teinbeck wrote not a great and firm novel but a disappointing melodrama in which complex good is pitted against unmitigated, unbelievable evil." (You don't have to agree with Gardner, but the critique is relevant to our purpose)
4. Make this story, which easily fits the archetype of drama, thriller, or action, a comedy, satire, or romance tale (please don't romance the rhino, unless you really want to, this one is for you to practice romcom anon)
5. Have a segment of the story, a prologue or even an epilogue that is written from a perspective that does not belong to the hunter. In The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber by Hemingway, Ernest briefly takes the perspective of the lion being hunted, try to do something similar with any of the characters you create.
6. Play with the time period and the framing. This idea was originally a shift in perspective of a sci-fi story about the preservation of the life of a sentient virus by a doctor brought into a quarantine environment. I retooled the narrative when I found that people couldn't show sympathy for a sci-fi virus to something that people easily express sympathy for. Take this prompt and turn it into a similar story from the future or past. A cave man finds the last dinosaur, an alien finds the last human, a true A.I is accidentally created and the scientist responsible attempts to save it from destruction. Be creative.

Don't forget to have fun while you write anons, and good luck.

>5 AM
>wrote 1403 words today
>want to keep writing because you have so much fun but you really should go to sleep
What do I do?

>>16827954
testing out some new ideas here, if anyone has time review would be greatly appreciated!

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-YrbU_ih6uWstF-RfM8xp6T8PFrmIixm?usp=sharing

>>16828093
keep writing, lack of sleep = change of mindset w/o cringe narcots

>>16826746
>that the stories you write have poor pacing, grammar, and generally read like movie scripts.
oh they're shit alright,

>>16828093
Go to sleep anon.
You're just gonna write sloppily, besides it's better to keep some enthusiasm for the next session instead of going on until you're burned out

>>16828066
I'll start on this sometime tommorow. Need to sleep for now.

for the anons who read that guy's horrors call series, did they actually have good twists/stories like people said?

>>16828066
What happen to critique threads? I don't see them anymore, are they b&?

>wrote 1700 words for nanowrimo so far
>It's all just the outline

>>16828554
I don't know. The /crit/ threads were merged with /wg/ for a while and splitting them back up never met with success. If you have something for it just post here instead. If not maybe give the rhino prompt a whirl. I've got one in the works right now but I don't know how long it'll take to finish. When that's done I'll start posting a new prompt.

>>16828066
BTW feel free to use this post as an anchor for rhino prompt stories. I should really add that to the post in the next thread. Maybe we could even turn the prompts into competitions to motivate people.

>>16828094
It's quite self-absorbed. The diction is uninteresting. The attempted epic is pompous and affected in both style and voice. Take a stanza like
>"Then tell me,
you who may perhaps be
wiser that my preliminary estimation,
to what does the
childless bachelor
most often awake to?"
No joke, this is egregiously bad. You need to practice writing sentences that are direct and convey something meaningful. This so-called attempt at an epic could be shortened by at least half its length. There's just nothing at all happening in the poem. In fact, it sounds a lot like you wrote prose and cut it into lines, due to all the logistical things like scene, space, relation, etc. that are present in fiction. You strike me as someone who is unfamiliar with the tradition of poetry (not a value judgment--simply a fact). Who are your favorite poets? How much do you read? Remember that Elizabeth Bishop says a poem is like an arrow spiraling toward its target. The poem must be direct.

just posting this excerpt from my story, I think I'm going to change this to a limping dog i think its much spooky (making a horror story) please critique. i really like this so might as well show it to you guys
> The sun seeped closer to the ground, causing the shadows to grow longer. His joints started to ache in his knee and fingers. His foot went to sleep. He started to get up but heard a crackle of something stepping on a leaf. what was that he thought. He leaned over the rock to saw what it was.

>Its back was covered in white specks, it had humanoid hands with long black claws. Its whole body was covered in grey fur. The compact head that the body carried had two wide eyes filled with void. The tail was almost gone, leaving it only as a small tousle. It was a squirrel.

>The fur trapper cocked his rifle and held the sight in front of his right eye. He kept the gun steady on the squirrel. He slowly squeezed the trigger. The hammer rotated and the flint punched through the frizzen and slammed on the pan. Smoke covered lee’s face and he felt his gun bolted up. The squirrel’s head was decapitated by the ball of the musket. the headless carcass flipped through the air and landed a couple feet away from its original spot. Lee waltzed to the mangled Squirrel, he picked it up and whipped it back to his shoulder

fuck it, i'm going to just write a novel over a week i can sell on amazon for 3 bucks for some extra cash.

>>16828682
Why sell a book for $3 when you can sell photos on Only Fans for $30?

>>16828554
On a previous thread, a guy says that he started a /crit/ thread but the jannies deleted it. Looks like they've fallen out of favor with the mod team

>>16829189
because i don't have the body for that

I'm working on some side projects but can't help drawing parallels to my main project. What's the best way to forcefully exile myself from my own setting so that I don't feel compelled to throw every good idea into it?

Tried my hand at a creation myth poem, not even halfway done but I have the feeling that a 4x8 metre sounds stupid and stilted. Should I instead use another? I was thinking about seven syllables per line instead. Would that work?
https://pastebin.com/6aPmMaQy

>>16829614
The meter isn't doing you any favors. You overuse the word "and"; you also overuse lists of three. I don't know what to recommend--maybe stay off meter for a while? Concentrate on writing beautiful and varied sentences. Avoid galloping toward the period at the end. That's what meter tends to do.

>>16829656
Thanks for the advice.

I got some pretty solid feedback on my first chapter last thread, and I've had some ideas on how to address those issues. Is conventional wisdom to work on it until I'm happy and then continue, or come back to it when I've finished the whole project?

>no serious boards for writing in your language, only a few with harry potter fanfics where people can't write anyway
>no editors or beta readers for hire because noboy but a few big shots make it for a living
>can't get any actual critique, all you can do is sending things to publishers
Bros...

>>16827954
I need help finding a word:
you know that kind of sucking noise bones and cartilage make when you pull them apart? I don't want to use the word sucking, but I don't know what word to use instead.

>>16830173
I think the word you're looking for is SHLOP SHLOP SHLOP

>>16829614
I've never seen this format before and it doesn't seem like you should use it. Try removing the bars between and going with a straight eight syllables, it may make things flow better. Also, measured meter usually sounds better when rhymed as long as you're using formal speech so it doesn't come off as sing songy.

>>16830173
Not the word, but some words to help you maybe find the right one or a new sentence. Succulent, spongey, slick, wet, fleshy, split, pop, gory.

>>16830173
Sneed

>>16830200
uh NO, obviously, that's the sound guts in a bucket make.

>>16830214
I suppose pop or crack would be okay in a pinch. I'll look into them. Thank you.

>>16830122
Conventional wisdom is to wait until the whole thing is finished and then go back a few weeks/months later with fresh eyes to edit. Personally, I have a quick sweep over the previous day's work and edit anything obvious/easy/quick before I start writing. I feel like I can't move on if I know something isn't right. But if it's a substantial edit or not easy then I'll just make a note of what needs to change and leave it for the end. So I don't think there's any right way. Do whatever works for you.

Third omniscient or first person for light novels?

>>16830122
I don't recommend touching it until you're finished with the story. That's an easy way to get lost.

>>16830411
First person, though the tone of light novels isn't exactly strict and you could dapple in some third omniscient for effect a couple times if you needed it, whether for humor or a sense of foreboding.

>>16830539
>First person, though the tone of light novels isn't exactly strict and you could dapple in some third omniscient for effect a couple times if you needed it, whether for humor or a sense of foreboding.

Yeah that's what I've thought, first person and some random scenes with other characters in third person
Thanks

Ok I don't know if this is the place for critique but uh

Wading in the Jordan:
On weekends we leave our cars
to collapse in the palm
of green tunnels.
Our thoughts stretch free
from the battery of concrete functionality,
¼ pounder frescos,
and bought out cherubim.

However, romantic visions of
stoic conquerings and
mountaintop epiphanies
are found to be the titles of chapters.

48 hours at the will of what might be divine
is enough to correct cadence,
but then back to a narrative
novel to our biology,
and again we are versus our nature;
guilty of our molestation
on the other side of glass.

Consider:
To travel on foot,
to go out and further
for the sake of metamorphosis;
to illustrate a chrysalis
a thousand miles long.
To emerge wide-eyed and sensitive,
absolutely aware of something holy
spinning at the center of intuition.

Now with an understanding of tribalism
beyond the vague, plastic outline
of the strongest.
Having walked with others towards gold
not made of chocolate.

By wading in the Jordan
we found a promised land
also at the bottom of it.
Sinking for a decadent baptism
to be carried with the current,
still berated by rocks and tortured by freeze,
but like St. Catherine said,
all the way to
heaven is heaven,
and we are soothed by the holy music
of our humming chorus in the wash.

>>16830173
It's a popping sound, or the sound of a sharp-toothed pig suckling on bones.

how do I describe frustrated and surprised feelings?

>>16830711
>[character] felt both frustrated and surprised: she had just been surprised by a frustrating turn of events. "how unexpectedly frustrating!" [character] said out loud. "Or maybe... it was a frustrating surprise!" [character] concluded.

>>16830711
"Why didn't you tell me at dinner?" Mr. Magoo glared at Sophie as he shoved his legs back into his trousers. "A tramp like you should at least be honest."

Do you negroes figure the plot out before you write or make it up as you go along?

>>16830670
>¼
Don't do this, say 'quarter' instead.
>novel to
Shouldn't there be a comma or semicolon after novel?

I enjoyed it, nice poem.

How did people edit in the past? They had just quills with ink, no?

>>16830961
They didn't. They were just slow.

>>16830923
There's an ever-present metaphor people use to describe the two types of writers. One plans things out beforehand, the other goes in knowing very little. It depends on you and what you enjoy more. From personal experience, I'd say it's pretty evenly split between the two.

>>16830961
If by past you mean hand-written works prior to the printing press, writing was still considered an art and every letter was flawless.

>>16830670
kewl but what's it about?
>t. brainlet

>>16830923
>>16830988
discovery and outline writing
see what works for you more, to me it's more like both, I outline just a main destination to have a clear progress and then discover the rest in the beginning

>>16831001
>rest in the beginning
i mean in the middle

Just finished 5k of smut fiction for a commission. Getting 50$ for it. If I'm going to have trouble saying no to porn, then I might as well get paid for it.

>>16827954
anyone know if you can use a block battery and copper wire to detonate a little bit of c4?

>>16831565
bro you sure this is just for a story?

>>16831568
I promise.

>>16831536
Are commissions fun? I'd imagine writing someone else's story would get boring

>>16831600
Sort of. Depends on the subject. One string of lewd commissions I've been doing at 2k a pop has been fun. But I just did the 5k smut and it was more of a woman's fetish thing than a man's. I also learnt that I'd much prefer to write in 2k instalments. Having a 5k word deadline is pretty daunting if the smut isn't really to your taste.

>>16827954
When you guys are writing a scene, what do you see/think/feel in your head? For me, I can see camera angles and cinematic shots in my mind's eye, and I use the prose to represent that as true as I can.

>>16831626
Basically what you said, but with the addition of trying to capture things you wouldn't get in a movie. Smells / sensations / tastes. Whenever I try to get to fancy with it the additional stuff gets cut out in the editing phase anyway.

>>16831624
How gay was it?

>>16831638
Not at all. It was more vanilla fifty shades of grey stuff.

>>16828595
>1700 word
>outline
outlining is useful, but can be a trap. my outline its ultra bare bones, and more than adequate. I'll sum up what eventually ends up being 3 chapters in like 2 lines. or use it to jot down an idea for where the story is going to be in 10+ chapters. any more effort than that spent outlining you should be using to actually write the story, imo

>>16831654
Agree with this. I wasted a lot of time outlining extensively in the past. When it came to executing, it didn't feel right and I got stuck. Your best outline is establishing the proper voice for your story on page one. That gives you the best model for how to proceed.

>>16831654
I've fallen into a trap like that. I started to do scene/story synopsis, only to realize that the time spent writing the synopsis could have been time spent writing the prose. Killed a couple stories for me as I lost all my steam. Went straight back to sparse outlines and notes.

>>16830411
Youjo Senki switches between first and third person depending on whether we are stuck with the MC or not. It also does something very clever, which is portraying the great sense of disconnect between the main character and the body they reincarnated in by having him address "his" actions in the third person, as if his new persona was just a puppet he's controlling. Nevertheless, whenever he sinks into thought he tends to revert to the first person. It was something that kept me rather engaged with the text.

>>16830923
I think of characters, their wants and needs and their background. Then I think of a theme I want to portray in the story and try to steer the plot in that direction. As for what goes in the middle, I improvise.

But in all seriousness, you can't go on being a drug-abusing, fast-food eating, masturbating little worm-person for a moment longer. A child is coming into this life.
Something drew you in so strongly this year and kind of chewed you up and spat you out. Had you believing you had it all figured out. Maybe you really did? After all,
the riddle is so much more simple than the midwitted masses would lead you to believe. Love and be loved. Nourish and be nourished. Struggle until you find the place
you fit into by happenstance... that's what they call dharma, isn't it? You want to escape. It feels wrong. The wrong place, the wrong time. Wrong people. That kid's
under attack. Electromagnetic radiation. You're a pussy. You were raised by pussies... It's not their fault. Nobody knows shit. Listening to jazz, really really good
jazz. Your intellect - limited though it may be - allowed you to see the crisis of modernity and what it has wrought upon the world of today. Or whatever. WHy is your
self-expression so muted? Are you afraid? Afraid of what they will think? Are you truly weak? You've felt it. Boundless. Transcendental oneness. A simple acceptance
of God made it all make sense. You wept. Then it didn't make sense again. What happened? A voice spoke the words, 'Those who struggle with God are the chosen ones' and
your hairs stood on end. But you still struggle. 'If I am chosen, then for what?' you ask. You can't see it. 'Am I kept against my will?' Why do you always feel wrong?
If you don't belong, why were you sent here? Why

I wrote this on ketamine

Anyone here feel like writing about university stuff?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Bp1gBVJOAKLvG6P9iOQ02kq68_17IK0bXGbE2Hh0RpI/edit#

>>16830173
The sound is caused by the subluxation of synovial joints being pulled apart.

Synovian sucking. Vacuum like. Ligamentous rending. Idk

>>16830670
I enjoyed it. Damn

>starts writing intently
>words flow out of my fingers like bullets out of a machine gun
>having fun, making the story up as I go and coming up with some cool little details
>suddenly have to take a shit
go fuck yourself colon, I was in the zone!

>>16831779
Why get up? Let loose all that is dammed within you! Your muse demands it!

>>16831705
Relatable

>>16831788
bro I've got like 2 pair of pants I can't shit in any of them

>>16830954
Yeah, I was debating that. Will definitely go with 'quarter' instead.
>novel to
novel as in new, so no
Thank you

>>16830995
It's about long-distance hiking. I should make that more clear because it is the opening of a collection.

>>16831731
That means a lot, thank you

>>16831779
Same, yesterday I wrote so many words with stream of consciousness seeing the story happening in my head, nothing existed but my novel
Today it's just
>uhhh should I give , here
>uh this sentence feels weird
>oh 30 minutes in and I wrote only 40 words haha...

>If I'm so good why aren't I published?
I've sometimes asked myself this, and the answer is that I've made absolutely no effort to get published until very recently. Somewhere deep inside I believed that I needed a twelve year apprenticeship to work out the kinks and develop the confidence of a craftsman. This long season of training has come to an end and I am now prepared to step into the light.

>>16830144
Kek, I recently moved away and lost in the process the few dedicated friends who always liked to read me, so I feel you. Genre fiction forums in my language are so full of utter shit they are only worth visiting for a laugh.

>>16828066
The best version of this story would involve the hunter getting killed by the rhino

>>16831654
Ive got the opposite problem. Doing any outlining is a struggle for me, and even when I actually do some, I always end up disrespecting it. That being said, I often find myself stuck because of lack of outlining.

>>16828066
>>16832260
The best would be from rhino's perspective as he kills every single faggot there and eats them

How does one tell if dialogue is repetitive?
I use a lot of words such as "So" "Right" Alright" "Okay" and whatnot at the start of dialogue. Is this bad and what would you do to get away from doing this?

>>16832305
It isnt necessarily wrong. You'll hear it if it's too repetitive. Otherwise, try to give various characters their own language habits so they can be differentiated that way.

>>16832305
If it has flow and rhythm to it, you can get away with repetitive word usage. Try reading it out loud, focusing on how it feels coming off the tongue. Act out the lines.

>>16832305
read it out loud, the repetitions should become obvious

>>16827954

(1)

“Clearly he’s lying.” Said the companion.

“Of course.”

“There’s no telling how long it will take for them to ship off. Why do you think they're waiting?”

“A couple reasons come to mind.”

The passenger sent his companion to negotiate the price of the voyage with the Coxswain while he went to gather information from other passengers.

He approached an emaciated man who was cooking watery stew over a small burner.

“Hello friend. Have you ridden on this ship before?"

“I have. Several times.” He had a thick provincial accent.

“How long does it typically take to take off?"

“Sometimes immediately. Sometimes he can take a very, very long time!" he stretched his hands out as far as he could, still holding his ladle. "This is the longest I’ve had to wait for him to leave!”

“Does the ship break down often?"

“Yes. But if they happen when we are out on the water, his 'engineers' fix it quickly." He pantomimed turning a wrench. "If it happens in here, in port, it can take a very long time to fix.”

“Thank you, sir”. The passenger nodded and moved on.

After asking similar questions to other passengers, he discovered that there was no predictability, regularity, and certainly no punctuality with which the captain departed port. Sometimes he left directly on schedule, and other times (more frequently than not) the departure was delayed.

One of the 3rd class passengers finally gave them a worthwhile clue.

“I heard that we haven’t left port yet because the captain refuses to pay a bribe to the fuel-men.”

The passenger, now joined by his companion, seemed interested in this information.

“A bribe? Isn’t the captain already paying for the fuel?”

“Yes, but that is between the captain and the fuel conglomerate – the men distributing the gasoline want a bribe as well. They refuse to deliver it otherwise.”

>>16832507
(2)


"Has it always been like this?”

“Not under the Brumaire. Since then, things have gone from bad to worse. Delay after delay. I have been trying to visit my brother for three weeks now, and I am still stuck here. The trip itself will take two weeks!”

The passenger shook his head sympathetically.

“Thank you, sir.”

He turned to his companion.

“Straus, we need to find out who those fuel suppliers are. Let’s load our equipment before tonight, and then send a party out to find these men. Get in contact with Turney and tell him to bring things on board immediately. I’m going to do what I can to find out how to get in contact with the suppliers.”

The companion, whose name was revealed to be Straus, nodded and left.

It was difficult work finding a suitable location for the passenger’s equipment. The ship had laid dormant in the port so long (too strong a word to use, really, as it was just a disorganized jumble of boats and abandoned ships) that it was being used as a makeshift slum. All of the good real estate had long since been occupied. Straus and eleven men showed up on the ship’s edge, most of them holding onto the handles of large crates. Each crate required multiple men to lift it.

Straus went forward to negotiate with the other passengers for some real estate. After some time, he came back, motioning towards the men to follow him.

Each man wore entirely black military garb. Most had bandanas over their faces, accompanied by perfectly round, reflective goggles. None revealed their full-unobstructed face. Each had a pair of gloves, jack boots, and many compartments and pockets strewn about their clothing. The ones that had their sleeves rolled up revealed veiny, muscular arms.

“Make sure Crate 4 goes on the bottom. And then place 5 on top of that. The rest can go wherever.”

The men shifted around to let the largest and heaviest crate, Crate 4, to be placed in the center of the newly opened hole in the crowd. The men lowered the crate with a thud.

Straus seemed nervous about this particular crate, and winced when it made contact with the ground.

>>16832525
(3)

Some of the other passengers became curious.

“What’s in that crate?” A passenger asked to one of the men carrying crates labeled Crate 1 and 2, which had been stacked upon another.

The man looked at the passenger through his reflective goggles, but said nothing.

“Come place those over here, actually”, said Straus. He turned to the curious passenger.

“This is farming equipment. Fertilizer and tills. We have been contracted by a municipality upstream to deliver these goods.”

The passenger nodded and continued to eye the men as they silently took care to stack the boxes.

After securing the goods, the men began to mill about, still saying nothing. One lit up a cigarette. Another opened what appeared to be a mechanics manual. A few played cards on top of a crate, all the while never saying a word.

Later that night, the passenger returned. Having laid a tarp over the crates, the men were now moving in and around their new camp at their leisure. The passenger summoned them all together.

“Form together, men.”

The men huddled up without hesitation. Straus stood in the back, zipping up the tent behind him.

“It has come to our attention that the ship has not set sail yet because a bribe is expected to be paid to the local fuel suppliers. While we may have normally paid this bribe ourselves, given the importance of our mission, Straus and I think it’s best to not alert anyone to any excessive capital we might be carrying with us. We are likely already attracting enough attention –“

This might sound like a dumb question but: how do I write poetry? Whenever I see it whether it's famous or just someone on here it all looks and reads the same to me. Is most poetry just barely based on "vibes"?
A lot of specific writers stuff really hits me, but for the most part a lot of it just seems like word salad.

>>16832555
*mostly not barely

>>16832550

(4)

At that moment, someone opened the entrance to the tent.

“I’ve got water and other supplies, anyone buying?” A barterer asked, without looking inside. Clearly, the other passengers had gotten too comfortable with their neighbors after such prolonged exposure.

A pair of reflective goggles appeared from the side of the tent’s entrance. The barterer looked down and stared at his reflection from within the goggles. Suddenly, the tent was zipped in one swift motion from the inside.

All heads turned back to the passenger.

“Tonight I need five men to take care of this. We have a pretty good idea of where they are located. I had a local boy take me on motorbike to a fuel depot just outside of town. We need to convince these gentlemen to give the captain the fuel by no later than two mornings from now. Preferably tomorrow at first light. Volunteers?

Four hands immediately went up, and then another.

“Good. Depart within the hour.”

The men clapped their hands on their knees in unison, acknowledging their orders. They stood up and began to ready themselves.

>Advice please

>>16831705
>>16831705
Has potential, needs a lot of editing and flensing.

>>16832555
Don't even try to write poetry if you don't love reading it. I'm being serious. If you don't love it, you won't understand it, you won't be able to recreate it. I started reading poetry at 16 with Yeats and Eliot, fwiw. I loved them then and I love them now, 10 years later.
>is most poetry just barely based on "vibes?"
actually that's all literature
>for the most part a lot of it just seems like word salad
increase your vocabulary, learn to close read, and read the greats

give me some cool deep quotes

>>16832981
"We never know self-realization.
We are two abysses--a well staring at the Sky."
--Fernando Pessoa

"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Holy fuck my novel is a complete SHIT
I write like a retarded disabled 14 girl
What the fuck is wrong with me

>>16833091
You're probably just out of practice. You can fix that by reading harder things, reading more, and writing more. Also, spend less time on here. This is my first time back in maybe 3 or 4 months. There is nothing of value for you on this site.

>>16831779
I often have long writing sessions and I'll need to pee but I'll hold it in until I'm literally squirming in my chair while trying to get words out, then I'll run over to the bathroom and it'll feel like such a relief that my mind will be fully focused on the act of pissing and only pissing, in a positive way. If I have to pee and I just get up to go, my mind wanders and that's what takes me out of things. By expanding my bladder, I have found I am able to expand my writing sessions. I'll sit back down and continue writing as though I never stood up.

>>16833091
The fact that you see your novel in such a manner usually means you are already improving. If you continue writing, you'll start to do things to fix what you noticed yourself doing before.

>>16833174
I don't know, after finding this general I've started writing again because the more I talk about writing, the more I want to do it. I can't speak for outer /lit/ though, haven't visited it since Bloom died.

>>16833345
Are you writing more because you're here or are you here because you're writing more? I suspect it's the latter. Our goals in life do no manifest out of 4chan threads of all things.

>>16833424
I hadn't penned anything in 4 months before coming here, in a pit of feeling like I suck at writing, then I saw lots of questions here I could answer and lots of amateur stuff and that made me get some confidence so I started writing again.

>Our goals in life do no manifest out of 4chan threads of all things.
Our goals in life don't, but our short term goals and general motivations occasionally do. Can only speak for myself though.

So who here has actually published any short stories? Self-publishing doesn't count.

The current submission window is about to close for most journals. Have you submitted anything recently?

>>16833468
I've only ever published in the magazines of colleges i was attending. So the competition wasn't high at all. I have made about $200 from these endeavors. No recent submissions.

>go to submit a PDF of my exam
>accidentally select the manuscript for my unpublished erotic novella

>>16833997
please tell me it went through, post the grade

>>16833468
Submitted my first semi decent short story. Should probably find more places since the rejection rates are so high. But I'd be gutted if a no-name magazine came back to me in a week with an acceptance, I agreed to publish with them, and then one of the decent journals comes back with an acceptance later.

>>16827954
Anons que hablen español: vean mi novela. Es una historia coming-of-age cargada con erotismo, prostitución adolescente, misticismo, muerte y existencialismo
https://www.amazon.com/Ezra-Panini-%C3%A9pica-subjetiva-Spanish-ebook/dp/B08M8KDGHF/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=ezra+%26+Panini&qid=1604345019&sr=8-1

I've been writing short stories for some times now and I just realised that half of them deal about suicide. A good chunk of the other half is about murder... I realised this as I was writing a story about a Greek sniper who had to kill Socrates who escaped from his trial and became more or less immortal by feeding with sunlight. I don't really think there is a point to this post, I just feel hopeless.

>>16834016
unless you're already published, the odds of that happening are almost nil

I seem to be able only work on my book 3-4 hours a day maximum without doping. While theoretically I can keep going, after this time my thoughts become doughy and undercooked. Whatever freshness there was to my mind dries and crusts over into aridness. Stims can help keep the party going, but I have none on hand and try to limit them as my eagerness to drop dead from a premature heart attack has limits.

>>16834063
>I just realised that half of them deal about suicide.
Anon, I can relate. I've published 9 novellas and 4 novels and every single novella either involves the main character being suicidal, either actively or in the recent past, though one involves the main character being normal and a cute girl he meets being suicidal. Of the 4 novels, one concerns investigating a girl's suicide and another involves a man jumping from a tall building in the final chapter. The other two novels don't explicitly have any suicide, but they're full of depression and suffering. It doesn't matter what genre I write, those are the themes which end up appearing.
The worst part is that my mom has been my editor for years and she has never noticed, or if she has, she probably just thinks it's just me telling a story.

How do I come up with cool names for things?

I looked up a writer I knew from undergraduate, about 4 years ago. She graduated two years after I did, and she's still doing her MFA right now. Her poetry manuscript was selected as the winner of a small but well-regarded publisher's first book contest. The judge in that contest was Jericho Brown. I cannot tell you how dejected this makes me feel--that in the same period of time I have published absolutely nothing and received little to no attention. Fuck my life and fuck my laziness and ineptitude

>>16834118
My max is 4k words unless I'm finishing up a story, then I can make it to 5 or 6, just to get it all out of my system. I write around 1k words in an hour, so that's about 4 hours for me too. I think that's probably normal. You could force yourself to write more, but it will be trash.

>>16834153
Depends on how you define cool. I've used Seventh Sanctum for years. Their 'quick name generator' is how I brainstorm names for characters. They have other generators but I've never really used them.
https://www.seventhsanctum.com/index-name.php

>>16834178
Don't feel too bad. There are people who have won more contests than she has and they aren't even out of high school. Some authors don't write their greatest work until they're in their 50s and 60s. It's no use comparing yourself directly, but if you can, use it as motivation to get some work done.

>>16832891
Gee thanks man
It was just a discombobulated ramble to try and pep talk myself out of a depressive funk I've been in lately, but it kind of trailed off into existential nowhere. It also felt a lot longer when I was writing it lol

How do you guys cope with the fact that there's so many books you'll realistically never "make it" as an author?

I haven't been writing as much lately, and ended up attempting a free verse poem. Not too proud of it, as I usually attempt an iambic pentameter, or something that at least rhymes. Critique as you will, anons

>>16834320
I pin my hopes on being specialized enough that I'll make it in a specific niche. Money is not a concern for me. I just want to be recognized, maybe win a few literary awards or something. Personally, I believe my best work is on par or better than the stuff I see being published. However, I also have a lot of shitty, mediocre, or undeveloped pieces that tend to drag me down when I submit groups of writings.

I don't know if I will ever achieve longevity. It kinda does fuck with me when I ponder on it. When I was younger, I wanted to write immortal literature. I now realize that's much more difficult than I could ever know.

>>16834074
Not him but is it really true that mid to high tier journals only publish already-published writers?

>>16834422
It's kind of shit trying to be a creative person in general.
You peek into obscure authors, artists, musicians or even youtubers and you see people that are better than (or at least on par with) you, trying their hardest and only achieving mediocre results at best.
Fills you with this dreadful feeling of "why should I even bother."

>>16834482
No, what I meant was that reputable journals seek high quality and contemporary styles. Practically speaking, people who have no publications are usually lacking in at least one of those.

What UK journals are good to send out too?

>>16834496
We bother because we have no choice but to bother. We bother because creation is simultaneously our addiction and our oxygen.

>>16834422
The vast majority of literature put out there today is schlock.

Schlock.

Riffle through the top 50 bestsellers on Amazon. Take a look at the booker prize winners of the last few years. Next to the great writers of the 20th century, it's orders of magnitude weaker in quality-- just as many of them failed in comparison to 19th century writers.

The general degradation of quality is noticeable, but its obviously still possible to improve. And if your writing is significantly better than the status quo, and you manage to get it published, you'll be noticed. I'm heading into academia (spare your sympathy) and the vast majority of Literature academics are practically gagging for a new Joyce or Nabokov. The whole "let's publish black lesbian immigrants and feel good about ourselves" is a loud minority who are slowly falling out of fashion.

Write something great and get it out there. There still exist people in high places with a real, enduring passion for literature, which is to say beauty and truth. Imagine being a professional book critic or academic and someone slips a never-before-seen Madame Bovary into the reading pile. I'd die of aesthetic pleasure.

>>16834523
"Contemporary styles" meaning stunted, blunted prose devoid of feeling. Modern publishing is populated by philistines.

>>16834320
Speak for yourself, as your goal of "making it" is probably unrealistic. I almost make minimum wage from books but for me, making it was just getting more than a handful of people reading my shit. My goal was to write stuff and show it to people so they could enjoy it. When I finish writing something, I can send it to a group of twelve who will eagerly read it within two days and (excitedly) give me their opinions. Money is nice, but it's not a reason to write. Fame is probably nice, but only if you're egotistical enough.

>>16834563
I disagree that there's a devolution over the centuries. Steinbeck improves on Hawthorne. Stevens improves on Whitman. Proust improves on Flaubert imo. Our own century just began. Of course it will compare unfavorably to the entire 20th or 19th.
>the vast majority of literature put out there today is schlock
true of literally every era. Wordsworth makes a big deal of this in the preface to lyrical ballads

>>16834669
Truth. Give it another century. People will be whining about how what they have cannot compare to the absolute gems published in the late 2040s and early 2050s.

>>16834704
>People will be whining about how what they have cannot compare to the absolute gems published in the late 2040s and early 2050s.
Ugh, are you one of those WW4 literature apologist?

What's the secret for making good characters?

did anyone write a rhino story? i want to read it.

>>16834778
arcs, relatability, understandable motivations for their actions

>your friend asks you why most of your main characters are miserable and suicidal

>>16834826
>"friend says he's eager to read my fiction
>reads up to the 8th chapter, and drops it because "why is are these two/three girls suddenly so gay?" out of 40~50 chapters
>tfw they're ambiguously just really, really chummy friends

What's most important - characters, setting, plot or theme?

>>16834930
plot 100%, whoever says character is a certified retard in my view

the other two aren't even on the same ballpark

>>16834778
A good character is believable, fascinating, and compelling. Don't focus on making them relatable, realistic, or even likeable. Give the reader a reason to want to see what this person does next and want to explore their character further, no matter how eccentric, arcane, or nonsensical.

>>16834946
>A good character is believable
hard disagree

>no matter how nonsensical
and you seem to disagree as well

>>16834930
it's subjective, to give the boring answer. for me it's characters, it just depends on your strengths.

>>16833468

I have, had several published in journals, online places, etc. Most recent was a memoir kind of thing published in september, I have about 2 other submitted currently, we'll see what happens with them. I got another story or 2 I need to edit and send it out, but I haven't been very motivated to, and I'm in the middle of writing another novel thats taking up all my time. This is my 5th or 6th I think, never had a novel published yet, tho.

>>16834778

two words: big tits.

How do I write characters with quips without being overly cringy? In fact, how do I write humour in general in works that aren't mainly about comedy?

>>16834778
Depends on how many of my fetish boxes they tick

>>16834953
I should clarify that a character's thoughts and actions should still be consistent and rational by their own reasoning, even if they're dumb or outlandish from the perspective of an outsider.

>>16834964
What journals? Any recs for someone looking to get their first piece out there?

>>16835034
>What journals?

I dunno, a bunch.

>Any recs for someone looking to get their first piece out there?

Not really. They all pretty much say what they're looking for, submit wherever your piece fits best.

>>16835063
If you're not LARPing, did you have any issues getting your first piece published?

>>16835073

Not really, no. I think it got like 2 form rejections, and then the one magazine wrote and said they loved it. Still to this day, that was the most gracious acceptance letter I ever got, most of them are just kind of like "yeah, yeah, ok, we'll go with it."

>>16834781
Why do I get the feeling that you fap to rhinos but are too poor to commission rhino smut on fiverr

anyone here did not make it?

>>16835413
me
i had ambition when i was younger, now I stopped deluding myself and just write for fun
i dont show my stories to anyone

>>16834977
i'm thinking about this one piece from lit quarterly. the main character, a neet, met an old friend and had to pretend that he wasn't a loser, so he told him he worked in "size engineering". i think it was pretty funny.

>>16835420
how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

>>16834977
just write and if it's cringe then it's cringe. People will like it, or they won't.

Random excerpt from my latest chapter, just because I feel like sharing. Bare in mind this isn't edited beyond checking for spelling mistakes and really obviously horrible bits:

“There are wolves up there,” Anselm grumbled. “I would swear they’re watching us.”

Eser Vir, who happened to be walking near Anselm when he spoke, paused for a moment to look himself. “Are you sure?” He asked, sounding not alarmed, but cautious. “I don’t see them.”

“They’re up there,” said Anselm. “See those rocks? They’re taking cover in them.”

On the eastern mountain several large rocks were jutting out, and between the stones three white wolves seemed to lower themselves to the snow to hide. Eser Vir narrowed his eyes and said, “you’re right, I see them now.”

“They’re only wolves,” Anselm concluded. “But I’ve never seen a wolf stalk a man from so far away. They must be clever bastards.”

“Sometimes the tribes in these mountains train wolves,” revealed Eser Vir. “It’s unlikely, but out here it pays to be careful.”

Suddenly Eser Vir raised his voice, calling out to all the men along the column. “Everyone, stay together and keep moving. There’s a chance we’re being watched!” He shouted, and though his listeners at first looked between themselves in confusion they soon began to follow his command. They grouped together, tightening their march to avoid separation, and began to follow the Black Warden – who ran to the front by Caden so he could lead them to the destination he had in mind.

As they continued to walk several men began to point out yet more figures on the mountainside, like flecks of dirt in the snow, who stood and watched them brazenly. There were only four at first, but from around the mountain sides and from behind the rocks came more – ten, then fifteen, then twenty.

Caden had been watching them, but once he lost his count of how many there were he turned forwards and pressed on in Eser Vir’s wake. Suddenly an arrow hit the ground with a distinctive thud not fifteen paces away from their marching column, a dark stick protruding from the top of the riverbank like a miniature stygian spear.

“They’re testing their range,” said Caden.

Eser Vir nodded as he marched. “They won’t waste their arrows from up there. The wind and the fall brought that arrow, not the power or skill of the archer,” he said.

“My men did not pack for battle,” Caden told him. “We have few shields, little armour, and only a few bows. The Ekyrians do not seem to have bows at all.”

From behind them came one of the Heralds who did not run, but never-the-less moved at such a speed that his robes seemed to glide over the surface of the ground as though it were ice. “What say you, Warden? Would you have us hold here and fight? I need only order my guard,” said the masked man, who kept pace with little effort.

-cont

>>16835618
“They will have us surrounded,” explained Eser Vir. “Yet they will not attack separately. They will wait until each of their warbands are ready, then attack us from multiple directions. We need to force them to fight us from one direction, or otherwise defeat each group of them alone before they can coordinate.”

“We have no way of doing the latter, and this valley is too wide for the former,” said Caden. “You mean to take us back into the mountains.”

“We would be able to hold a narrow pass against them,” said Eser Vir.

Suddenly a cry came out from somewhere behind them in the column. “Men running towards us from the south and east!” Called an exotic voice.

“They are trying to stop us reaching the passes,” said the Herald, before his voice turned like a war-horn that bellowed across the valley. “All men, run!”

Soon the rhythmic marching of the column turned into the beating of boots that ran across hard ground, and the more they ran the more the path of their column became churned into a trail of mud. In the distance around them the wild figures were running down the mountainsides and hills and up through the valley after them, and with each passing second more seemed to appear from the wild and let out shrill war cries that conjoined into a terrifying chorus of violent hysteria."

- FIN

How bad is it boys?

>>16835618
>>16835623
>How bad it is boys?
It isn't bad anon, but it is in need of revision. I don't know what kind of changes you would be making to this on your own if you were revising it but I can give you some rewrite suggestions. There isn't much else I can do without context.

One thing I've noticed is that you have a habit of writing dialogue+break+dialogue constructions just to tag a line of dialogue. For example, "'There are wolves up there,' Anselm grumbled. 'I would swear they're watching us.'"
This can be rewritten to, "There are wolves in those rocks. They're watching us," Ansem pointed to the stony pass above." Which is helpful in that it delivers the information more expediently and without chopping up the dialogue in order to explain who is speaking. You only really want to interrupt the dialogue when the information is required for the rest of the speech to make sense or to express action during speech. An example of this might be, "He hit him in the mouth, 'Stupid bastard, stupid-,' he hit him again, shifting his weight to the hand on Bill's throat, 'you never think of anyone but yourself.'" Even here, the action could take place after or before the dialogue but squeezing it in-between lines allows the reader to 'change the scene' watching the violence and then watching the line delivery like they would on TV.

The next habit of construction I've noticed, which is usually cut in revision, is the imprecise language expressing absolutes. For example, "three white wolves SEEMED to lower themselves to the snow to hide" which should be more concrete, "three white wolves hid in the snow" or, "three white wolves lowered themselves behind the rocks". Another example is the line, "Suddenly a cry came out from somewhere behind them in the column," which should be rewritten to, "A cry came from the column behind them," or, "One of the men in the column cried out".

There is also a lot of expository dialogue. The characters are speaking to inform the audience of what is going on instead of using their words achieve their motivations. It feels unnatural. The common example of this comes from plays, which only deliver exposition through dialogue because there are no other options, so you get situations where an old man might come onto the stage and say to an old woman, "Oh my wife of 45 years whom I dearly love and have fathered 3 children with, I need the medicine for my back which my doctor prescribed" instead of having the old man say, "Margaret where are my pills, my back is killing me."

>>16836008
Thanks anon, that's genuinely valuable feedback.

Does anyone know where to get PDF's of novels? (The ones you can use the "read out loud" feature on) - I don't want a photocopy PDF.

>>16836025
If you're still here and want more feedback or more specific feedback just ask. It's what I'm here for. You can also post any other part of the story you want looked at if there's something specific you want to achieve in a certain scene or something that you are afraid might not be working let me know and I'll tell you what I think and/or give you rewrites or narrative advice.

It's amazing how I can like a project until it's ~90% complete and then I hate it and can't show it to anyone.

>>16836039
libgen dot rs

Would it be morally wrong if I took something I saw in /lit/ quarterly, edited it to be better / nearly unrecognizable, and submitted it elsewhere?

>>16836515
Yes, it's called plagiarism

>>16836557
ah c'mon man, even zizek does it

>>16836592
Zizek reads /lit/ quarterly?

>>16836592
>help me justify stealing a story
>no
>WTF BROS

>>16836617
no, he copied a book review almost word for word. It was a book review of Culture of Critique lol

>>16836515
This is why I'll never post online something I deem to be decent.

>>16836674
that's just common sense

>>16834826
>>16834876

>tfw have only one real friend and he doesn't read
>subtly mention to family I write stories
>nobody even asks what kind of stories
just be glad you got any feedback

>>16836795
>mom has always been supportive of my writing hobby
>I start writing Monster Girl fapfics
>she keeps asking if I've been writing anything and if she can read it
Ahahaha...

>>16836808
I dare you to share them. Show her what her bright little boy has been up to.

>>16836795
I told my mother that I'm writing a book. She nodded but quickly said very seriously that I should get a girlfriend. Even during a pandemic, she won't stop talking about the same subject

>>16836814
I've been here before.
>dad about to retire
>he has some old files he needs to pass on to someone else
>those files are all on CDs
>he no longer has a CD port because he's got a Mac
>asks to use my computer to check the contents of his discs
>okay
>realize when he starts opening the disc that all my porn folders are visible to him
>also all my Sei Shoujo visual novels are on my desktop

>>16830173
Slurp

>>16836795
>tfw my best friend doesn't consider me his best friend
a different kind of feel, but nonetheless a big, life-size kind of disappointment

>>16830173
It's a smack. Like when you smack your lips.

Is it okay to spend an excessive amount of time planning?

>>16837111
Well-planned is half-done!

>>16837111
Why does someone always ask this? What is "excessive amount"? 10 years? Not good. 10 minutes? Maybe spend a little more. What does it matter?

>>16837123
I'm spending alot of time planning things and "thinking about" them and how they'll play out rather than actually writing. I've spent a month and a half just planning

>>16837133
>rather than actually writing
I meant "actually writing" as in, writing the book. I'm still writing in the sense that I'm taking notes on my planning

>>16837133
I feel your pain. I'm not even trying to write the next great american novel here but I can't bring myself to just start. I have to make notes and make sure everything is planned out first... I hate my life.

https://pastebin.com/KM89cAH3

Blast me up anons

How do I write a horror short story that is actually terrifying?

"The great niggerfication is underway. All we have to do is wait"

>>16837464
You don't. Short stories are too short for anyone to get attached to the characters or feel anything for them.

>>16837464
high concept, expendable characters, go in details on the horror/creature/gore

>write some story
>it's shit
>read a good story in the same tone
>have fun and read it the whole day
>look at your story again, boring shit written by a retard
>realise you're so shit you'll never get better

>want to write a fairytale
>write smut
Fug

>>16837615
>not writing an improved version
>not stealing the ideas and having fun retelling the story to yourself

>>16837615
Post it

>>16837615
this >>16837708

I bet it isn't as bad as you think it is.

>open pastebin from /wg/
>WARNING: Potentially harmful content
every time

>>16837296
P-Please critique

I'll just post it here since anons are afraid to open the pastebin:

A child sat silently on his ragged bed, peering out the window and into the slums below. The ever-expanding shanty town below him contained the summation of his life. It was the first time he had witnessed his hometown from so high up, yet there for not an ounce of emotion coming from the boy.

In fact, the boy did not truly feel much emotion for nearly a month now. He would spend most of his time quietly sitting on his hospital bed staring out of the window, his hospital bill footed by the more productive members of society.

The boy ran his fingers across the window that had gathered a thick layer of dust. Doctors had stopped visiting him for weeks and the nurses would only do the bare minimum to keep him alive. He had no real friends or family he could truly speak of and they in turn, would not bat an eye at him. The boy did not mind, for he felt things were easier this way.

Bang!

"Hey! Tauri! Open up! I know you're awake!"

Until recently, that is. The boy creviced his eyebrows in annoyance as someone knocked rudely against the door. He recognized the voice of the young haughty girl behind the door but he did not answer her, for the boy did not want to talk to her.

"So this is how you're going to play, huh? Well, think again, little imp. I've brought the spare key this time."

The young girl said challengingly as sounds of metal clang against each other. The knob shook and shuddered in defiance from the unwelcome intrusion, but eventually the girl found the right key and the door yielded itself open for this little invader.

"Tozz feek." The boy growled at her and looked back out the window.

"Ohhhh, swearing in Arabic now are we? Well, too bad! If I don’t get it, then it’s not going to stop me!” The girl confidently placed his hands on her hips and held her nose up high in the air. The boy did not need to turn around to know she was grinning.

“What do you want, Maha?”

“It’s Mana! Ma. Na. Hit the roof of your mouth with your tongue!”

“Maha.”

“No! Mana!”

“Maha.”

“Mana!”

“Telhas teezy ya ebn esharmoota! Tell me what you want!”

The boy snapped back angrily and finally turned his head back to face her. In front of him was a fair skin girl a few years older than him, hands proudly placed upon her hips. She was wearing a simple brown overalls which crumpled in her hands with nose raised upwards as if to avoid breathing the same air as this poor urchin.

The brown bob cut hair swayed with the wind from the window and her hazel brown eyes gazed down at the boy as she grinned mischievously. It was Mana, the girl who had been constantly bugging him this past week.

“You promised we’ll go to the cafeteria together!”

“I did because you wouldn’t stop asking me about it!”

“And you did, so let’s go!”

“No!”

>>16837900
The boy swung his arm away from the girl, but she was dauntless in her quest for his compliance.

“Why don’t you suck up that boy the next room over? He’s filthy rich and desperate for female attention. You’ll shoot through the sky if you catch him.”

“Why would someone that rich stay in this dinky hospital?”

“There was a turf war a few days ago, one of the major crime lords got raided. Here.” The boy pointed his hands at a spot in the slum.

“Look at the guys waiting outside his room. They’re hiding it but I can see those twitchy hands and the bulge in their shirt… and I remembered some of their faces. They’re the biggest human trafficking ring this part of Cairo and he’s their heir.”

“His father’s dead and he’s inexperienced, so just go in there and suck him dry. Then ditch him when you get his money.”

“Not interested, I’m here for you.”

“Why?”

The boy tilted his head, confused. He thought he could get rid of her by pointing her to a path to success, yet the girl did not take it. What had convinced her to remain here and pester him? She held her chest up high before replying back proudly.

“Because you’re my project, Tauri!” She said, confidently without an ounce of shame in her voice. “I don’t need money, I’m only here to turn troubled kids like you back into good little boys!”

The boy blinked twice in disbelief. She had been bothering him a week straight just to satisfy her own ego? The boy gritted his teeth in anger as he growled against the fearless girl.

“Ayreh feek ya shar-moo-ta!” Tauri shouted in fury at her, his hand pointing straight to her face. “I’m not here to give you attention, eahira! Go spread your legs elsewhere- ow!”

Before Tauri could finish his sentence, Mana gave him a chop on top of his head with the backcover of a book she was holding. Tauri held his head in pain and shouted at her.

“What the hell was that for?!”

“Don’t speak like that to your elders! Hasn’t anyone taught you proper manners?” Mana chastised the boy with a chiding tone.

“I don’t have a father and my mother is a eahira who sold her own kid! Why the fuck should I listen to her?! Every other kid my age became a gangbanger, so what, should I just join one and become hathala like them?!”

“Ahhhh, so that’s why you’re so wild.” Mana crossed her arms and nodded in understanding. “Okay, I’ve decided! From this moment forth, I’m your older sister!”

>>16837903
“...What?”

The anger that had built up within Tauri evaporated like fog. Just what was this deluded girl saying?

“You’ve heard me! Until you find somewhere you belong, I’ll be here for you! I’ll be your big sister! We can start with your table manners and how you hold the spoon- ahh! What was that for?!”

While Mana was busy blabbering, Tauri took the opportunity to deck the girl right across her face. The strength of a malnourished early adolescent child was pitiful compared to a healthy teenage female, but the attack took Mana by surprise. She held her nose in pain and stepped back away from him.

“Oh. I thought there was a fly on your face, turns out it's just your face.” Tauri said plainly back at her.

“Ohhhhhhhhh. It’s on, you cheeky brat! Come here! I’ll beat the manners into you!”

“I’m not listening to a spoiled white girl like you!”

Mana leaped in at Tauri and began pulling on his face. Her strength far outclasses him, but Tauri was not one to admit defeat. He grabbed onto her hair and started yanking on them. They tumbled down onto the dirty floor but the fight raged on for a long while until the door swung upon again and a pastor walked in.

“Novitiate Mana Hassan! You have forgotten to return the janitor his… keys…”

The pastor’s voice trailed off as he saw the both of them on the floor, his eyes bulged out and his face slowly got red in anger.

“Pastor Marian. Crap.” Mana said silently as she quickly stood up.

“What is the meaning of this?! Explain yourself, novitiate!”

“Welllll you seeeee.”

growllllll

“Yeah! That! We were just about to go to the cafeteria!” Grateful for Tauri’s growling stomach, Mana quickly grabbed him by the hand and pulled him away.

“What’s the big idea?!” Tauri shouted, he wanted to toss Mana’s hand away but her next words stopped him.

“The food there’s better than the trash they serve here. My treat. Deal?”

“...Deal.”

“Young lady! Come back here right now! Stop! Do not run in the hallways!”

“Sorry! Busy right now, I’ll hear you out later!”

Mana laughed without a care in the world. She held on tight to Tauri as they raced towards the door, her smile pure and infectious. Upon seeing it, Tauri began to subconsciously smile back at her.

Together, the bratty boy and the spunky girl opened the exit door. The light beamed into the hallway and washed over them, bathing Tauri in the warmth of the sun. It has been so long since he had felt this elated. The boy would come to cherish these moments close to his heart for the years to come.

>>16830173
snnluck

>>16836515

If you're uncreative enough to steal somebody else's work, I highly doubt you're going to make it better. Plus, you know, if you get caught doing it there could be lawsuits, and you're writing career is over too.

>>16837900
This one wasn't bad. The dialogue was quite good, aside from a few quirks (young girl saying "little imp", things like that). There are a few habits that I would clean up, e.g.
>The boy did not mind, for he felt things were easier this way.
doesn't really fit the tone.
>The boy creviced his eyebrows in annoyance as someone knocked rudely against the door.
and
> The knob shook and shuddered in defiance from the unwelcome intrusion, but eventually the girl found the right key and the door yielded itself open for this little invader.
are kind of overwritten.
I would also say there are a few places where information could have been given in a more interesting way.
>The ever-expanding shanty town below him contained the summation of his life. It was the first time he had witnessed his hometown from so high up, yet there for not an ounce of emotion coming from the boy.
This, for example, could be a description of the slum and then he sees some violence and show us that he doesn't respond. To convey his lack of emotion. There are a few examples of that kind of opportunity in this section.

>>16837903
>>16837910
I didn't like these two sections, I think the problems from the first section start to snowball and everything seems over explained or overwritten, in my opinion. The dialogue becomes a lot more clunky in these bits too.

Overall, probably would have read a bit further but you almost lost me. Have more confidence in what you've written and don't over explain would be my main advice.

>>16837956
Thanks anon! I have a hard time finding legit advice so it's great to hear what people really has to say about my writing.

>write 2000 words of your novel
>"no, shit, let's do something different"
>write 1500 words
>"uh again"
>write 2000 words
do you also do that?

>>16837995
Yeah literally all the time. My few successful stories have only materialised because I forced myself to keep going until a draft was completed. A little bit of tinkering is okay as you go, but if you end up with an entire story you may want to remove a massive section to help it flow better in which case the agonising sing was unnecessary

>>16837995
I do it like this
>get excited about an idea
>write like a madman for a few hours
>finish a segment of some kind
>the high fades
>never touch it ever again
Been doing this for 13 years now...

>>16837976
No problem! I think it has potential but needs a bit a clean up. Is it part of something? Start of a novel? What's it about?

have you guys ever self published? how did you go about it?

>>16838069
This, though I usually get a few sessions in. I drop most things around the 10k mark. Anything that makes it beyond those first few days I end up finishing.
We should exchange some of our dropped shitty stories.

>>16838076
It is a small flashback sequence for the mc of my furry fic I am currently writing. The story is mostly a low sci-fi political intrigue with furry sprinkled in.

>What's it about?
Real story isn't related to what I post there at all but here goes:

A failing Pharaoh of a not-egyptian Empire gets regicided by an unknown killer. His offsprings feud over the throne via process of Election. Each of them with a stark vision on how to take things forward and buttheads over who gets to rule.

Meanwhile various figures from both domestic and foreign uses the opportunity to push things towards their own interests.

The MC finds himself stuck in the middle of their messy affair he has to navigate through while he himself is hounded by constant assassination attempts by his own home planet because of his prior fuckups.

Post your favourite quote.

>>16838069
you're not alone, friend.

>>16834778
They overcome great suffering and passionately fight to achieve their goals.

>>16837464
Utilize the unknown. A short story is too short to explain everything. This is a good thing, not a bad thing.

>200 words in the last 3 months

>>16834778
For me the biggest let down with characters is when they achieve things they don't deserve or pay enough for. No character should go from being a vagrant in rags to a king without an incredible amount of pain and suffering.

>>16838583
In my story it's going to be the opposite, though it wasn't intentional and I just thought about it this way because of your post.

He was born a prince, made a king because his father was killed, and he will slowly lose everything while simultaneously going through an incredible amount of pain and suffering.

Almost done editing my first novel. Can't wait to have it rejected 20 times before I finally give up.

In other news, I don't know what I should write next. On one hand I kind of want to write a trashy serial story on Royalroad and get the dopamine from having a following, but I bet it would just get buried under the litrpg turds since I absolutely refuse to write that shit

Should I just write another novel only to be rejected again?

>>16838722
That's fine too, I just mean that character development and achievements generally come through pain, it's the one objective metric in fiction. It's the one thing that rarely feels like it's just the author handing things to the character as needed. The pain doesn't need to be physical, but it should generally be equivalent to what is gained. A fictional character can defeat an entire army with one hand or learn a new science in an hour if the author wishes, however pain is the one true connection between fictional and real, it's the one thing that is the same for the reader as it is for the character.

In your case, since he's losing everything, things are a lot easier. You can't fall into the trap of shitty isekai fantasy where the protagonist is handed everything because he's perfect, as your story is the exact opposite (though I assume your character will still develop mentally, even if he degrades materially).

Somewhere, there is this, but perfect
And a me is in it
And from all the way over there
He is laughing at me
So I say to him, "Fuck you"
I shout so he can hear, I shout, "Fuck you"
But before I shout anything, I ask
"Can we swap?"
And he says, "no"

>>16838770
>since I absolutely refuse to write that shit
Yeah, I wouldn't bother. If you want to write a trashy novel for fun, by all means do so, but I wouldn't upload it anywhere like that unless it's LitRPG or isekai or harem or any mix of those.

>>16838770
>Should I just write another novel only to be rejected again?
Yes. Chances are that your first novel is bad, but it's still possible to get published. It usually takes a couple tries to get to the point you're able to write and edit something good. Keep writing, keep editing, keep querying. Don't take rejections too hard; they're only saying there isn't a market, not that you're a bad writer.

>>16837900
>>16837903
The way they talk and behave like childish anime characters while casually mentioning gangbangs and whoring out makes me feel filthy inside. The language is awkward, you misuse a lot of words and drop unfittingly flowery expressions in otherwise crude and shallow narrative. There's not enough description to get a clear impression of the situation.

I liked the use of Arabic and the story being set in Egypt, it adds some novelty, but you don't employ the setting in actually shaping the atmosphere, which is disappointing.

>>16838829
"Can we swap?"
And he says, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xqENKZVSGY

>>16839223
The usage of those terms were meant to show the difference between the boy in contrast to the girl. While the boy talks like he's out of a slum, he still acts his age when the bubbly girl presses him.

I'll definitely try to improve my dialog and reduce the amount of incessant descriptors later.

It's just a short story meant to depict the moment they start hanging out with each other. I feel like giving the whole context for everything would just unnecessary clutter the story with useless information.

As for the atmosphere, what do you suggest I could add? It's a rather short snippet and I don't feel like I can squeeze in much without needlessly increasing the word count.

Thanks for the critique regardless anon

>4 hours
>579 words
that was actually really fun

>>16839390
>reduce the amount of incessant descriptors later.

I said the problem is that you don't describe enough. There's a lot of telling, but not at all showing. Cut sentences like
>The ever-expanding shanty town below him contained the summation of his life.
Which doesn't actually mean anything.
Or lines like,
>In fact, the boy did not truly feel much emotion for nearly a month now.
Which is shown to be blatantly false, when he's very clearly feeling emotions throughout the piece. Don't tell there's a slum under the window, show the buildings. What would the boy pay attention to when he's looking out of the window, what draws his eye? That's what sets the atmosphere.

>unnecessary clutter the story with useless information
It's not useless if it connects with the characters and their circumstances. If you don't build the people, then your story is nothing but a rushed list of dialogue, and it's not a pleasure to read.

>>16839463
Thanks for elaborating anon, I'll work on those aspects.

I'm writing a short sci-fi story and surprise robots show up, how do I strike a balance between keeping a steady "oh shit" pace and describing their looks/techs?

What is Royal Road? Is it only for litrpgs or can I use it to publish regular fantasy fiction?

>>16838579
get your shit together you lazy fuck

Would a hot sword cut and cauterise at the same time?
Asking for a plot.

>>16839860
No, swords are swung way too fast to cauterize, unlike what you see in Hollywood movies swords move very very fast.
https://youtu.be/TYi3xYoT8rs?t=196
Don't mind the subject matter, just the timestamp, it's the best (and clearest) example of how fast a sword moves in a real fight I could find on Youtube.

>>16839430
good job kid

>>16839494
Good luck! I wouldn't comment if I didn't see potential in the story. You have every chance to make it even worth publishing, if you put a bit more thought into it.

>>16837464
read Cortazar's "Casa Tomada"

/82XQU6UFHf

>>16839860
Depends how hot. A magic sword radiating 2000 degrees celsius? Sure. A regular sword heated over campfire? No.

>>16840102
>>16839904
Would heat affect speed though?
Would a magical blade hotter than the sun cauterise if swung at the normal fast swing, or would it be too fast to have any effect?

>>16834930
The characters. They are the avatar of human condition, plot and theme naturally comes out of them.

>>16840133
>hotter than the sun
The surface of the sun? The steel would melt, if it were made of a material that can take it, it would probably cause severe burns to the person holding it just by radiant heat alone, and also blind said person with a powerful blue-ish light. In the fictional scenario that you somehow get a sword to over 6k degrees to swing through your enemy, it would probably cauterize at that point, in fact it might even overdo it and do quite some damage.

You're the author, since this is a fictional and non-real scenario it's up to you to decide, a better question is: would a magic sword hot enough to cauterize the wound it makes be too far-fetched for the reader? To which I think my answer would be no, it's not that far fetched once magic is involved that it would break the reader's immersion, so it's fine.

>>16839430
Post it

After I finish this one project I think I am going to give up nonfiction entirely. I find it easier to do, especially expository writing which is effectively a big info dump, and I like writing these because I like to learn about stuff and writing about something is a great way to do that. But nonfiction for the most part is suffocated by credentialism. There is no meritocracy to it. Even if you cite the same exact sources and state the same exact facts, if you don't have that PhD next to your name your efforts are immediately discounted.

You don't need a degree to tell a good story. Creative writing and pursuits generally are the last bastion of freedom where the work is allowed to speak for itself.

>think about how a chapter will play out
>oh that's kinda cool
>decide to sketch some scenes
>look like shit because I can't draw
>wasted 4 hours
why am I like this bros

>>16839754
My motivation keeps going up and down like a rollercoaster. 30 seconds ago I was pumped to start writing, now it vanished. Something's wrong with me.

>>16839430
h-how do you people take so long to write? are you writing and rewriting sentences over and over? do you not know what the scene is and so you're trying to brainstorm while writing and just staring at the page for ten minutes between each sentence to figure out what's going to happen?

>>16840827
yes

>>16837566
>too short for anyone to get attached to the characters or feel anything for them.
lmao this does not make anything scary

>>16840827
Focusing on making it as good as I possibly can.

>>16839735
I publish my regular fantasy shit there but it gets basically no readers. There's a few reasons for this probably - stupid upload times on my part, a crap story cover, a probably bad title and synopsis - but I think a lot of it is the fact that many people on RR are there for litRPGs and cultivation, not fantasy.

I think I'm going to retire the novel I've been working on for a while. At 100k words, but I feel like I'm not experienced enough with large-scale, multiple plotlines to do my vision justice. I'm not going to retire it permanently, I just think I need to do another project or two before I actually have the skills and experience to do it justice.

>>16839735
You can publish whaever you want on there. I'm doing a anime sci-fi space opera with no litrpg or isekai elements and I'm doing reasonably ok.

>>16841246
At 100k words you should be near the end? If not, I still probably recommend finishing it. Trying to rewrite an unfinished story is - for some reason - way harder than rewriting a finished one, even if you plan on changing most of it.

>>16828093
Don't start so late retard. Science shows your brain is best primed in the morning anyways.

>>16831779
Litterally just happened to me lmao

>>16837464
Your language has to be a source of horror in addition to story. Ideally they complement each other. Look at Lovecraft for this.

Do we have brazilians here? Or someone who can read portuguese? I'd like to post an excerpt of a 5k words short story I'm writing. It's set on medieval times, but I wouldn't say that is necessarily fantasy.

Why did so many "classic" author's begin their careers by writing other author's published novels but better? Mirroring but from a better penstroke..

Has anyone dived into writing as a full time gig? Planning on doing this when I graduate college this spring. Gonna go live in Thailand for a few months and push to finish a manuscript in that time. I suppose if my savings run out before I get a publishing deal I'll have to go back to working, but maybe I could foster a side gig that would be sufficient to survive in a developing country. If I'm lucky maybe I can find work related to my degree in SEA. Though, at the moment I'm trying not to worry too much about these unknowns.

>>16841452
Shouldn't you only dive into writing as a full time gig if you're getting published already? Not in terms of a book deal, but on websites/magazines, etc.

>>16841452
Anon, how much money are you thinking a manuscript will get you? A standard payout for a first time writer can be as little as $8k with no (noteworthy) royalties. That's also assuming it's good enough that someone will want to publish it. If you want to make money through writing, start looking into self-publishing and get prepared to spend tons of money on advertising.

>>16841477
He/she needs to be good enough right now, to be published in at the very least, small/niche outlets, before he hinges his future on suddenly getting a manuscript published, which is a very competitive market.

This might be outside the purview of the thread, but how do I write fast prose of reasonable quality? Emphasis on FAST.

With covid, I'm doing more and more internet/Discord roleplaying as a DM, which means typing lots of fictional material as quickly as possible so the other players don't get bored. Think 2,000 characters per post. But 2,000 characters takes me 20 minutes or more, and I've seen other people do it in half the time. How can I achieve that?

>>16841563
So, you're looking to basically write at a Stephen King style, where it's just a stream of consciousness. Try and do just that, it's going to take some practice, but open up a document and just start writing a story, see where the path takes you. Don't get caught up in bullshit, just write, don't care if it's shit, just write.

>>16841477
Planning on living in 3rd world countries for as long as I can, so 8k pay outs will be fine until I can get better pay outs.

>>16841709
>"Would you be able to show up for your book's launch?"
>"No."
>"Would going on a book tour be possible?"
>"No."
>"I suppose signings are out of the question?"
>"Yes."
>"These events are crucial for our candidates. Perhaps we can talk about publishing at a later date when you're living in the states again."
Guess you could find a smaller agency that'll give you $5000 for full ownership rights.

>>16841709
anon, why don't you just apply for grad school and work on your shit there?

>>16840827
>do you not know what the scene is and so you're trying to brainstorm while writing and just staring at the page for ten minutes between each sentence to figure out what's going to happen?
Exactly. It's "I know this key event needs to happen eventually, but how do I get there? Well, I guess my characters will... uh... uhmmm... shoot the shit, or something?" Cue four hours passing.

>>16841796
Are you the type that rewrites the same paragraph a thousand times on your first draft?

>>16841806
I find the actual content comes in fits and spurts. Write a full sentence or a full paragraph, half an hour passes, write another sentence or full paragraph, another half hour. There's some rewriting, but it's not consuming lots of time overall. ... There are distractions, of course, like music or 4chins. The internet leads to ADD.

Opening of a story I'm writing about a gay cruise lol what do you guys think so far?

>>16841830
I think you need Jesus in your life, filthy degenerate.

>>16841836
I'm not even gay

>>16841828
Let go of the rewrites, and just write. The key thing on the first draft, is just getting down the story. I know it's hard, but.. let go of the first draft, it's all ego. Think about your story, get the foundation down, and then rewrite on your second draft. The first draft of every modern published author is complete garbage, just worry about get\ting your story.

>>16841836
Based

i want to write a smart detective vs smart detective/killer type story
give me some clever ideas

>>16841940
Read 'The Erasers' by Grillet it will give you all the inspiration you need

I need five guys in fantasy to have their own abilities, for example one guy is a healer/buffer, second is a swordman, third is a mage, what should the rest do?

first time fantasy, i want to learn worldbuilding but have no ideas for this party

>>16841966
thank you, looks like it'll help

>>16841992
pic related

>>16841992
Healer/tank/Dps/Dps/Dps

Not kidding, think in that way.

>>16841769
Dude, humanity departments are being gutted all over the country

> Colleges Slash Budgets in the Pandemic, With ‘Nothing Off-Limits’

Liberal arts departments, graduate student aid and even tenured teaching positions are targets as the coronavirus causes shortfalls

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/26/us/colleges-coronavirus-budget-cuts.html

>>16837900
I assume you're not white and I assume you watch a lot of anime, are either of those true?

>>16838105
Amazon

>>16841230
It's definitely the genre you are writing. I checked every single story being uploaded on there in released order and litrpgs without fail always get more views and follows many times over any other genre. That and uploading everyday or twice a day

>>16841230
Do your stories have a slow start?

>>16842248
Isn't that simple math, though? 2 chapters of 1,000 words each in a day are practically guaranteed more hits than 1 chapter of 1,000 words, or even 1 chapter of 2,000 words.

The smartest way to publish serially is post as little as you can get away with as often as possible to artificially inflate your view count.

>>16841992
Ranged guy
Elemental mage
Dark mage
Summoner
necromancer
cleric
paladin
rogue
Loremaster/knowledgeable guy
Alchemist
Young guy that joins in and can't really do anything but he learns a thing or two along the way
tits guy

Well, /wg/? Are you mad?

>>16842520
I'm more upset that you're using the white theme.

>>16842535
It's okay. I don't read. Just browse.

I know the whole "Patreon is an unjust, non-merit-based system" complaint is played out, but what the fuck?

>>16840827
yes and also the occasional "breaks", but the main obstacle was autoediting and constantly worrying about how it reads like shit. might be self-sabotage, i dunno. makes writing torturous.

>>16841852
been trying to do this lately and i'm actually enjoying myself writing.

>>16840685
learn to push yourself. nobody can be in writing mood 100% of the time.

>>16841992
the swordsman's servant boy

>>16842745
based, i should do this

>>16842939
not him but as in "set a daily wordcount and just write" or as in "Squeeze every drop if inspiration while you have it and don't feel guilty about not writing when you don't"?

>>16843022
the former. consistency is key to improvement (and discipline), just like working out.

>>16827971
stop writing comedy

>>16841452
Nah, I know my story is barely above shit, so I will get a job to secure my future and just write like 1000-2000 words a week.
When I retire I will start going all in for reading and writing, just for fun.

>>16843034
All my ideas are comedy related :(

>>16843179
But you hate it.

>>16843187
I like reading comedy, so I have plenty of ideas for funny stories. But I hate writing them

I know you fucks have a waifu character in your story.

Now tell me about her.

>>16843311
They’re all a combination of self inserts and “waifus”. Too many to mention

>>16843311
she's literally me

>>16843255
make them end tragically

>>16843311
my waifus are more like daughterfus that I make suffer because it's the only way I show my love for them. One of them is Li Chou, basically a tragic broken bird that was adopted when she was a loli by a thug of pirates that murdered her merchant family. She's a bit of a social autist sometimes, but the tradeoff is she's a good naval tactician.

>write dialogue
>words flow like liquid shit from a diarrheic
>write scene prose
>struggle to put down a paragraph

>>16831705
I kept a journal and wrote in it every day for 2 weeks this September while on opioids, while reading a book about electromagnetism, and came to understand god during that time. This is very specifically relatable on every point other than the jazz. Weird
>>16834320
Pretty sure most authors that are canonized and otherwise popular didn't "make it" while they were alive, either. "Making it" is mostly about some cabal of art faggots in an important school that may or may not be influenced by the [American] government all deciding that a certain piece is worth caring about.
>>16834977
Listen to Mitch Hedberg. Write down one liners, his or yours. Then integrate them into a short story, even if the story is only a few sentences. Tell a story in three sentences, make the third funny and closing the narrative. Five sentences, fourth funny, fifth the closer. And so on. Once you learn how to do that, you can reverse-engineer that process in a larger story. Hypothetically.

I just wrote a complete short story a few minutes ago and I feel happy with it. If this thread is still alive I might transcribe it tomorrow if I have time.

>>16843311
Angry schizo bisexual college girl trying to steal her ex-crush's boyfriend

>>16832118
Fuck this.
I've written 2k words in an hour at times, but other times it takes me 3 to write even 1k. The quality isn't too different either.

>>16841421
gimme a few examples

>>16842745
>makes $6,5K per month
>still works a full time job
Something doesn't add up

>>16840995
How would a story be scary, if you don't care what happens to the characters? The whole point is that you see yourself in their shoes.

>>16828066
"Try to write like Hemingway" is dogshittingly awful advice. Hemingway and his own family described his writing process as something akin to a religious experience, far different from the academic approach of whittling away unnecessary words and boiling out the fat of lesser writing.
Ironically the superior exercise would be to try and emulate F. Scott Fitzgerald's celebrated, meticulous style; it'd teach many more valuable lessons on creative composition, even if the results be reminiscent of Fitzgerald's melodramatic garbage.

>>16843664
I have the opposite problem. I can't even start to write dialogue what I don't start cringing.

>>16842535
I don't get the dark theme meme. White text on black background just turns into a mess in my eyes

>>16827954
Stepping back and stretching out his arm he raises the gun. As the barrel of his enemy's rifle pokes into view, time slows, he counts half a second, and fires. Jaw bone, teeth and tongue explode and dance through the air. Blood gives the wood walls a paint job. As the aslent hits the floor Carin turns the corner, and without hesitation fires off three more rounds. The first finding a home in a man's eye, but soon evicted as a third of his skull and brain elope with the lead. The seconds creators there chest the meteor striking the moon. The third was perhaps the best, or worst depending on what kind of spirit you have. As the bullet made contact with the neck, a rippling wave formed tightening and losing the skin in a uneven tension. Combined with the heat of the shot searing the flesh, the laws of physics had no choice but to tear the circumference of the skin separate from it’s lower half. The bullet also pulled a double shift by completely shattering the bone of the conjoing spine, only to come home and cook some sliced and diced muscle local to the region. The sum total of this honest day's work resulted in a head quite literally being shot off the remains of a body. Crain flicked his boot as to remove an ear that had dared to rest on it.

>>16845114
Opening with a participle is always awkward.

>>16845154
This, its shorthand for in media res but it flows like shit.
>>16845114
>He raises the gun, stepping back and stretching out his arm as the barrel pokes into view. Time slows. He counts half a second, and fires.
Has a more even flow and a definitive, hardee opening.

>>16845172
>He counts, half a second, and fires

>>16845172
Your fix is even worse than the original, cramming another participle and a clause in the same package, promoting it into a run-on sentence.

>He steps back and raises the gun. The barrel of his enemy's rifle pokes into view and time slows. He counts half a second and fires.
Everyone knows how a gun is raised, stretching the arm is a pointless elaboration.

>>16845061
post it bb

>>16841407
Tuga aqui. Não costumo ler fantasia/ficção histórica em português, mas posso dar uma olhada

>>16845026
>Fitzgerald's melodramatic garbage.
but they're comfy...

>>16842745
This guy probably has around 600 000 published words to his name. Can you say the same?

>>16845214
The point is that he knew someone was coming around the corner and was ready to shoot. Say that he raises his arm tells the reader it was a prepared shot.

>>16845231
Não tem problema. Olha aí. Eu tô mais preocupado é com a prosa. Flui? Te evoca as imagens?

Por sorte não chovia. Pouco a pouco as árvores enfeitaram a paisagem numa atmosfera sinistra com a chegada da noite. Aparentemente estavam numa região deserta, com apenas árvores e gramado em volta da estrada, sem nenhuma casa à vista. Por um lado, era bom sinal: transcorreram distância suficiente para estarem longe de qualquer cidade, por outro, significava que não tinham onde parar e descansar, e contrário à intuição comum, de que parassem e fizessem um acampamento, a escuridão engolfava-os. Com certeza não gostariam de arriscar suas vidas em troca de uma noite de sono. Nenhuma lua havia para guiá-los. Porém, o brilho fugidio das inúmeras estrelas já servia para dar-lhes a ver a silhueta de uma pousada ao longe. Uma taverna.

― Tem uma taverna ali em frente. ― disse Coen quando tomou vista.

Os cavalos desaceleravam. A distância percorrida era aquém ao tempo de galope, assim como à força dos estalos; eles mereciam aquele descanso. Vinho, mulheres, e uma boa anedota reviveriam os ânimos de qualquer guerreiro. Na carruagem, enquanto isso, Antonio estava no meio de uma história. Contava de uma mãe e suas duas filhas, que foram pegar frutos no bosque, e uma delas nunca mais voltou. Por causa de uma aposta que a mais nova perdeu, saiu a catar mais frutos pela noite. Ela não achou. Os frutos estavam mais fundos no bosque, pra onde ela foi. Interrompeu a história quando chegaram na taverna.

>>16845492

O interior onde os quatro entraram parecia muito festivo, contraparte ao mundo escuro que acabavam de sair. Então confirmaram com as muitas velas, os candeeiros e as lamparinas dispostas sem jeito sobre o topo dos armários onde guardavam as bebidas, e sobre as mesas de madeira, outras inclusive pelo chão, no canto das paredes, por fim a impressão de haver lá dentro um sol. Festejavam o aniversário do taverneiro, regado à bebedeira, danças, muita gritaria, e leves contendas ocasionais. A roda de batuque com dois dançarinos no centro não parou até quando os quatro entraram com suas espadas à vista. Pelo contrário: quem sabe devido a embriaguez, sua graça era tanta que convidaram o quarteto à dança, ao passo que Coen caçava o taverneiro para pagar a estadia, Antonio o seguia pro quarto, e Altair ia num cômodo separado acompanhado de uma mulher. O tempo ainda corria. Entretanto, isso não impediu Sebastian de se misturar aos demais. Ofereceram-no um copo roubado de gim, que derramou sobre a boca, arrotou, e em pouco tempo trocava murros com o dono do copo ao som de palmas e arres.

(diálogo)

Atravessando a porta, Coen olhou de soslaio e queria porque queria perder-se também naquela algazarra, é claro, mas seu braço enfaixado não lhe permitia; o tempo pesava sobre ele.

Havia poucos quartos, ele e Antonio entraram juntos, mas custaram a dormir, pelo menos até os humores na sala principal abaixarem. Os falsos bardos musicando suas poesias improvisadas foram perfeitos para abafar as vozes que saíam do quarto de Altair.

A mulher gemia, gritava por socorro. Quem entrasse lá deveria tomar cuidado para não pisar em seus dedos decepados, traçando uma curva vermelha ao rolarem sobre o chão. Quando seu pescoço aberto espirrou sangue ― pouco para Altair concluir o círculo ― já era tarde na madrugada. Ele fatiou o abdômen da mulher, já morta, que jorrou um balde de sangue, cautelosamente, sem deixar escorrer uma gota pela fresta da porta. O círculo ficava completo. Logo, o sangue manifestou um brilho intenso, iluminou o quarto. Altair firmou os olhos fixamente no centro, fito nalguma imagem, e murmurou algo sobre matar um homem. Uma luz azul-clara emanou por todos os vãos. De fora veriam a luz pela janela, mas havia ninguém, e de dentro veriam pelas frestas, mas ninguém se importou.

>>16845214
Run-on sentences are a grade-school meme. Grammar is primarily stylistic.
>everyone knows how X is done
This logic could be used to reduce any writing down to nothing. I'd abhor reading such a grammatically fundamentalist, redactive style of writing. You sound like a Faulknerite.

>>16845492
>>16845496
Ok, primeiro as coisas mais gritantes que me saltaram à vista:

>Uma taverna
> ― Tem uma taverna ali em frente. ― disse Coen quando tomou vista.

Não repitas informação. Ou o Coen vê a taverna ou o narrador informa que avistaram uma taverna, nunca os dois.

>parecia muito festivo
É o narrador a falar, por isso não incluas estes segmentos de incerteza. Vê o post mais acima onde um anon revê um excerto sobre soldados e uns lobos que os observam. Ele explica esta parte bastante bem e comenta mais exemplos.

>o tempo ainda corria
Não sei se é uma expressão brasileira, mas tirando essa hipótese não vejo o que é que isto pode comunicar. O tempo continuou a passar? Ele faz isso sempre.

>Coen olhou de soslaio e queria porque queria perder-se
Typo

Epá, toda a secção do Altair assassinar a mulher para fazer magia merece mais atenção. Mostra o Coen a tentar dormir enquanto ouve os barulhos vindos do quarto do Altair e o alívio deste quando o barulho finalmente pára. Corta para o Altair que acabou de matar a mulher e podes alongar-te mais sobre o processo.

>murmurou algo sobre
O mesmo sobre a incerteza

No geral diria que toda a secção é muito rápida. Se eles vêm de perigo e a acção, então este é um momento de descanso. Alonga-te, mostra mais episódios, o que é que cada um faz, as cores, a festividade. Pareces ter pressa em passar à frente e acho que não precisas.

>>16845584
Obrigado pelo feedback, anão.

O "parecia muito festivo" é o narrador acompanhando o olhar dos personagens. Tanto que na frase seguinte ele fala "Então confirmaram." Não sei se convence, mas foi nesse sentido que pus ali.

>o tempo ainda corria
Essa ficou meio vaga mesmo, mas é porque eu queria mostrar que eles foram rápidos porque não queriam perder tempo, e antes eu tinha escrito como:
>Não podiam perder tempo
Mas achei que "O tempo ainda corria" soasse mais poético, e também porque estou evitando de usar muitas frases com "nãos". Além disso, talvez fará mais sentido mais tarde quando o personagem do Coen morrer por causa do braço dele (que está doente).

De resto concordo contigo. É que às vezes penso se não estou sendo chato ao me demorar tanto nesses detalhes, e penso também que essa parte requer certos diálogos, mas não sou bom com diálogos. Inclusive, a cena antecessora a essa não é de ação (existem um suspense: alguns cavaleiros estão atrás deles por causa de algo que o Coen roubou, mas eles ainda não sabem), mas deles tentando puxar conversa um com o outro, falando do que sabem sobre sua destinação, sua condição como mercenários e que traz um pouco à tona o tema da história, enquanto observam o campo se estendendo na estrada e um dos personagens (mas ninguém nem o leitor sabe) dá pistas sutis de que é uma figura importante. A ação mesmo começa depois de tudo isso.

Do I give in and write litrpg? I have just the perfect idea for one

>>16845686
I don't even know what a litrpg is. Is lotr one?

>>16845690
I think you're trolling me for my faggotry question but in case you were serious, litrpgs are novels with rpg elements like skill sand stat systems

>>16845686
if you are good at coming up with fights and interesting uses of powers, that's the key

>>16845521
>Grammar is primarily stylistic.
Yes, and overlong sentences are almost universally ugly and awkward. You only have things to lose when you attempt quadruble salchows and barely know how to put your skates on. Stick to structures you can actually handle. Basic language is still better than embarrassing yourself in public.

>>16845855
>Basic language is still better than embarrassing yourself in public.
Basic language is always better, books have to be fun and easy to read

>>16845686
>>16845709
>litrpg
I get some people somehow like them but Jesus Christ I cannot stand that shit.

>>16845867
>books have to be fun and easy to read
Idiotic metric, what is "fun" and what is "easy to read" varies vastly from person to person. Most people are barely literate.

Target audiences exist, unless you want your writing to be the equivalent of mass produced fast food you don't need to target the lowest IQ range that can't read at higher than middle school level in their 30s.

>>16845686
Jesus, if you want to write a video game, why not write an actual video game, and not something that's merely pretending? They're so fucking embarrassing.

>>16845686
>I have just the perfect idea for one
What makes that idea perfect for a "litrpg" but not something more normal? Why are stats, classes, and skills being part of the world important to your idea?

>>16845889
You should know it's not the amount of words you can cram between the capital letter and the period that make your story fast food or "high literature".

>>16845900
you should know that litrpg are the most popular asian ya light novels these days

>>16845915
>Source: me

>>16845915
And can you name one that is decently written? No being popular doesn't make it good, this is /lit/ not an /a/ stalker thread. Because from what I've seen of shit like Overlord, SAO, etc. the writing quality is unironically lower than what most high schoolers would write in their first year creative writing assignment.

>>16845938
Fortunately you are above them, better than those retarded high schoolers writing the most popular jap novels

>>16845960
>popularity
Again, that is not a measure of quality. You also seem to think I give a fuck about writing something popular, which is not the case since writing is purely a hobby for me.

So, can you name a well written one or not?

>>16845938
/lit/ concerns books, not just good books. If you think you're able to write a paint-by-numbers isekai litrpg series to make a buck why wouldn't you?

>>16845980
It concerns books but quality of said books is not determined by popularity. What's the point of discussing a book's merit on a dedicated literature discussion board if your metric is "it's popular"? It being popular should hold no meaning anywhere but least of all in dedicated discussion circles where (ideally) there'd be deeper understanding of what makes writing good.

>>16845977
What do you mean even by well written? Do you know why those high schoolers can sell their books in millions of copies? Because they are fun, easy to follow, easy to read and make you read another page without thinking "boring, i don't care". But no, it's retarded, it's not high literature, the fuck is your high literature anyway? Is it defined by the amount of letters in sentences? by being hard to read and overly philosophical?
or by details? deepness? structure? promises, progress, payoffs? because those high school novels have that

>>16845855
>he unironically thinks he's big-brain for pointing out a grammatical error in a sentence that reads comprehensibly
You remind me of midwits that say McCarthy is a bad author for not using quotation marks. Nobody cares about your gradeschool writing assignment rubrics, anon. Grammar is primarily stylistic.

Still trying to assemble my creation myth poem. I found 4 lines at 6 syllables rather convenient and at the same time snappy. Should I mix it up with a few lines of 8 or 7 syllables thrown in? If yes just as I see fit or in a specific rhythm like 6-8-6-8

>>16845991
Agreed, but you're the only one who's autistically focused on the quality of these pulpy novels about video games. It doesn't matter if they're good, anon, it matters that they make money.

>>16846013
>What do you mean even by well written?
Cut the gaslighting, if you've ever read something like Overlord or Index (or Ready Player One for that matter if we want to look away from Asia for a second) you know damn well they are not well written, you're not going to drag me into a massive waste of time proving water is wet.

The question was about Asian litrpgs, to which I gave my opinion and that anon replied with "they're popular". Yes they are popular, you can find this out with a quick Google search, if their popularity was all you cared about why did you bring them up on a board dedicated to writing? You already knew they were popular, and that's all you apparently need, so why bring it up if you don't want any further criticism of them?
>>16846039
See above anon. Why post about it here, then get mad when people with an interest in literature judge it by criteria other than popularity and revenue? I don't deny they're popular, nor that they make bank, but everyone already knows that and it isn't even an opinion, it's a measurable and measured fact.

>>16846015
Anon, not being able to compose a single sentence without a basic mistake, droning on, and repeating yourself doesn't somehow make you McCarthy. You have to write properly for anyone to take you seriously. I'm telling this to you for your own good and not to somehow gatekeep literature.

>>16846079
Anon, I asked why exactly they are retarded. Don't tell me to just read them, try to define what makes literature good, we are writers after all and should discuss these things, right? What don't they have that other, better books do?

I remember when I read legendary moonlight sculptor, a korean book about a guy who needs money and starts to play vidya, Royal Road was named after that novel. I spent whole weeks just reading that and laughing because it was so fun and had everything it should, from nice structure to worldbuilding. LMS promised me a good story, progressed to their payoffs well and gave me what I wanted and even more. It worked well and did everything brandon sanderson talked about fantasy and making good high-leveled stories.
So why is it retarded and written by a high schooler?

>>16846106
Misrepresenting what I posted, as if I'm somehow claiming the same writing capabilities as McCarthy, does make you an asshat.
Grammar is stylistic; it exists to order written language more similarly to the cadence of the spoken word and to improve the clear flowing of ideas. Manipulation of grammar allows one to impart a sense of emotion and presence in the same way that the delivery of spoken word can.
Try to engage in discussion without resulting to misrepresentation and ad hominem, sweety.

>>16846138
>as if I'm somehow claiming the same writing capabilities as McCarthy
Your point was essentially, "McCarthy didn't do things like my teacher says, so anything goes". No. You have to actually know grammar before you can manipulate it. Otherwise you end up writing crappy sentences like the original text quoted. And do look up what ad hominem means before you try to act learned.

>>16844724
Why? That's not tons of money, and even if he was making tons, there's no reason he can't do both. I'd never want to quit my job to only write, I know from my NEET experience that I only spend an hour or two every day writing anyway.

>>16842745
>he makes more than my whole family
now where did I put my rope

>>16846274
Not him but I hate my job, if I had even half of that I would leave that shit and focus 100% on writing

>>16846289
same

>>16846079
>Why post about it here
Very few people in this general are trying to write the Great American Novel. Many of our efforts are indeed closer to pulp than to high literature, and litrpg makes perfect sense for a beginner writer: the overall quality is dogshit, the popular appeal is growing, and many people are intuitively aware of its tropes since they also play videogames.
Also, writing a book, any book, is a considerable challenge. Of course amateur writers writing litrpg are going to have doubts, run into setbacks, and need advice, and therefore turn to /wg/ to allay their worries.
So,
>Why post it here?
Because it belongs here.

>>16846386
migrate at your leisure, gents