/lit/ - Literature

first for zyzz

I want to cast myself like dirt into the wind with disregard for my wellbeing and other peoples intentions for my future. To let destitution maul me until I am just part of the scenery, a side character to those who are so self-important. Maybe by struggling, stealing, and prostituting I can learn what is essential to my self. To become disgusting to others and learn a deeper love of life and struggle. Where would I end up?

wrote yesterday about atheist friend who's into a muslim woman. I'm muslim too.

Generally it seems to me that I need to decide on a strategy for how to relate to non-muslims, including old friends. To be perfectly frank that feels fucked up. I'm gonna try to get in touch with people from the mosque and ask how they do it. There's a dilemma with Islam today which is that, like judaism, it is a religion for a tribe. Or in this case a nation, an umma. It doesn't really swing with this mixed up multi-culti stuff. And so you see muslims largely stick to their own in western countries, because mixing normative systems is at times difficult, but it also... Like what the fuck are my old friends even doing if they aren't pursuing a relationship with God? What is common between us? An interest in vidya? We've talked a lot about personal stuff before but now I don't know if I can do that because frankly I think that what they purse is harming them.

One option, I think, would try to achieve a christlike loftiness. To do this I would have to love them, love the very core of them, like he did. I think an awful, awful lot about philosophical/theological questions like these, and it seems plausible that this will yield an understanding of the human condition that would render this kind of desire to care for all these tragic broke-down people being led around by their desires... For God all things are possible, but it also seems plausible from here. I think I will try to pursue this.

The question is: what is a man, who is deaf to his soul?

And also: how do I live surrounded by people who happily inflict such a condition upon themselves, and who should like for me to do the same?

I’m so fucking lonely, guys.

>>15401627
that sucks man

>>15401627
No shit you are. You suck at expressing yourself.

>>15401627
Pretty much everyone is desu.

>>15401734
That is true but how did you know?

>>15401627
same
what shall we lonely people do?

>>15401400
Man I love birds and ducks. They're the only things that make me happy, brings a tear to my eye to see their passion and pattern.
>>15401607
As a non-muslim I always found relating to muslims easy back when I lived in the middle-east. It's very relaxed to talk to someone who has a genuine appreciation of life and other people, and that's the general impression I got talking to people there (Bahrain). In the west people just don't seem to give a shit desu, after spending most my life in the middle-east and China I sometimes find it a tricky thing to relate to people in west-europe who are constantly stressed, busy, and very serious, yet keep going with no appreciation for anything higher.

>>15401400
I think the '93 Alita OVA was much better than the movie. As a diehard Gunnm fan, it took three rewatches of that movie before I could admit to myself that it isn't very good.

I wish I had some /lit/ friends
I wanna discuss books I've read, or show a story I wrote to a friend who I trust to critique it
I was hoping I'd meet a group of friends like this when I transferred next semester, but the campus is gonna stay closed, so I won't get the opportunity

It’s a weird situation because as much as I want to just throw my life into work, I completely hate my job.

>>15401835
The movie was great. You're too much of a snob

i have decided i want to make a horror webcomic despite knowing nothing about horror writing, not really having read much horror, and my art not being great.
this can only go well.

>>15401802
I don’t know. If I just had a couple of friends and a single person who I love and who loves me, I would be happy.

>>15401850
You might not have /lit/ friends, but you do have /lit/. Pyw.

>>15401835
Eh, I think the movie does a much better job with pacing and information than the manga. Plus manga fights suck imo.

>>15401627
everyone is, they won't admit it but that's the only ultimate truth, who will born with you? who will die with you?You can say that everyone and everything is you. You are the only one in this mental plane. That is a good thing that you know that you are alone, it is not a bad thing or a good thing but if it makes you suffer, maybe you can start by transmutating that bad feeling into a good one. you need to understand that thoughts are not the entire truth, they are just a grain of sand of Sahara(let's call it the entire truth), you will be making questions and answers all your life, you need to understand that if you think in something that is making you suffering, is not intrinsictly good or bad, it is just a way of seeing something, never become the feeling, never become the thought, you are more than that, you need to fight to see that you are in a higher plane than this plane of suffering.
I know my english is shit I can't write shit but whatever. I got tired so I end it here.

At last I see that childhood rejection is probably the reason that I have always felt excluded from groups if not constantly reassured that I'm part of them, and even then have resented the existence of ingroups and outgroups.
Sadly it seems that if it hasn't gone away by now it's going to be with me until death.

has sentido alguna vez lo que otros sienten? has visto como te ven y al mismo tiempo como tu nunca te viste? quienes somos, quienes son ellos? estoy cansado, quiero soñar un poco mas. Alguna vez me he movido de este lugar? cuando fue la ultima vez que me movi? al final de cuentas tal vez, nunca me movi, o tal vez nunca estuve, puede ser que siempre estuve aqui? y nadie mas conmigo estuvo aqui, o puede que nunca estuve y nadie estuvo y solo Dios estuvo y nada mas que Dios.

>>15401607
You aren't special, pursue your relationship with god or whatever you want to call it and let your friends do the same. Yes, even atheists have some conception of the divine, and it is only the vanity of a devout convert (right?) that makes you think otherwise. You can strive to be christ-like towards them, but in that striving you've already defeated yourself, it will be a show that you put on for yourself

>>15402202
>Yes, even atheists have some conception of the divine, and it is only the vanity of a devout convert (right?) that makes you think otherwise.
how I remember it it was like how Jesus explains it: before I had a home, but it was build on sand. Then a heavy rain fell, and the home was washed away. And then I truly fell to sin. In both the New Testament and the Quran it is given that men can live for such and such a time without a religious method, but eventually they will be tried and they will fail. This fits very well with my living experience.

The friend in question, I think, has not been tried this way. He is a strict rationalist, a utilitarian. Really where the dividing line comes up between us is that he pursues things that I think are sins. As I understand it this relates to his spiritual life, which I'm not even sure he agrees exists. In some sense I think he does, as a kind of karmic cause and effect. Sound, true, but mundane and not enough. The woman he's pursuing stands to lose her faith. If she does then that's her problem. But the thing is that my friend can not even begin to appreciate what that means.

Seeking love is not a show. If I discover that life has challenges the answer to wihch I believe to be seeking what is most loveable about human beings, then this is not for show.

Wondering if anyone would ever want to read a story about two soldiers during ww1 who fall in love, get separated but then reunite at the end.

>>15402310
>The friend in question, I think, has not been tried this way
This is exactly the vanity that I was talking about

I scrolled through the Facebook page of a women's magazine. The comments of women talking about flowers, clothing and food are comfortable. They put my mind at ease. Such simplicity and love for the small things in life. I could never achieve that all on my own, no matter how much I tried. Their aim is really to live an aesthetic lifestyle in the most innocent way imaginable. I respect it, even though I don't hold the opinion that things need to be superficially beautiful to be aesthetic, which was my only real critique. Where is the blood, the pain and the diseases stalking everywhere as love goes on unconcerned.

I opened the comments of a news article titled "Ten Taurus' (zodiac sign) we would like to talk with, deep into the night." "Talk with" is symbolism for sex. I understood that much. I started wondering if everything on that page spins around that, but my thoughts didn't get that far. The article showcases the positive aspects of having a Taurus as partner, with 10 actors as example, including: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, George Clooney, Jamie Dornan, Channing Tatum, Enrique Iglesias and so on. You understand. Ah there it is. The beautiful butterfly. A stab in my stomach. It gets twisted with every new comment. I asked for it. It didn't find my by chance. I left the cave. Wanted to know. Now I know too much.

>>15402316
That sounds cute.

>>15402560
If flowers put your mind at ease maybe you should get into gardening.

>>15402316
Assuming they’re both men, no. I don’t really mind homoerotic elements in a story but I can’t stand when they’re the focal point. I’m not gay though so

I was just opening a fortune cookie but the paper fell into my milk. On the back of the fortune it coincidentally teaches you how to say "milk" in Chinese. An amusing coincidence.

>>15402881
lol

>>15401400
This afternoon I read Proust's description of his grandmother's stroke and her subsequent deterioration in The Guermantes Way, which I quickly related to, however imperfectly, since my grandmother currently has a rapidly progressing case of Alzheimer's disease. After dinner now, I sit here in my dim living room, the window cracked to let in the light patter of rain, a sound which gives rise to a memory of a spring evening at my grandmother's farmhouse long ago, where I sat reading Tolstoy's The Death of Ivan Ilyich. The years are passing by, yet I feel like I'm still clumsily grappling with the most common problems.

I'm occasionally thinking about society, to find out what all the fuss is about. In general, it's about my relationship to it and all the other generic stuff.

What I've noticed, while going through some notes, is, that they look like I'm using society as a medium, to communicate a message to myself. It's me talking to myself, about myself.

I ask the question, that Voltaire would answer with a big "Yes", Are we all a bunch of lunatics?

>>15403175
hey stop, don't project

>>15401400
CocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocksCocks

>>15401467
It really struck me the way you convey that feeling of freedom. And, just as the fool himself, you'd become either a king or a beggar.

Have you made somebody smile today?

>>15403277
I sent a photo of a rat that has the form of a penis to some people.

>>15403326
Heha, rat-cock.

>>15401400
I feel like /lit/ has been a lot slower in the past three or four days. Am I imagining it? Is this what happens when coronavirus wipes out half of the United States?

I've suffered from near-constant intrusive thoughts since late last year. These thoughts generally take the form of people, sometimes strangers but more often than not people I know, insulting me, berating me, belittling me, degrading me, and attempting to strong-arm me into accepting their views with absurdities like "But why do you have the right to say that?" These intrusive thoughts have proven far more distressing than anything else in my life. There is little chance that I will be overwhelmed, but I want it to stop. I want them to go away. I want all these voices, these ideas, these beliefs that I reject entirely from the ground up to leave me in peace for all eternity. But I don't know how to stop them. I don't know what to do.

>have to do an essay outline on some poem tomorrow
I DON'T WANNA!

>>15401400
I’ll do my best!!!

I don't even know what's on my mind right now. That's what on my mind right now. Oftentimes I'd accompany my dad on a drive and during one of the many silences he'd ask "what are you thinking about?" I'd usually answer "nothing", but he'd keep probing, as if I were lying to cover up some deeper thought process at work. I wish I could go back to being able to think nothing. Would be an upgrade from the mundane maelstrom of anxious thoughts, the anti-anxious thoughts deployed against them, the thoughts rallied to remind myself not to take either of those preceding styles of thought seriously, and the final thought to remind myself not to think. I should look into why I feel tired in the evenings but suddenly feel calmly energised right before bedtime. I've heard it said that one facet of being "enlightened" is the switching off of one's internal monologue. I wonder if that would even be appealing to your average person. Hahaha rat cock.

1/13
PREFACE
Many of you need a wake-up-call. A slap in the face. A bucket of cold water. To snap out of this fucking phase of laziness and procrastination. To light a fucking fire under your asses.

The Internet offers all the advice you could ever need on how to get your life together. You have websites, you have books, you have the advice of other people, and you even know yourself what the fuck you have to do. But you don't know how the fuck to take action. You know how to swim, but you're too fucking scared to dive in the deep end.

So here I am to explain to you clearly why the fuck you aren’t taking action towards your goals. And how to fix it.

>>15403556
2/13
INTRODUCTION
You always know what you need to do. If you could only follow it, you’d start seeing results. There’s no debate there. If you take action and systematically work towards your goals, you’re going to see progress. That’s just how life works.

Succeeding in most areas of life isn’t actually that difficult. 90% of success is showing up. If you can maintain a clear head and do what you need to do, work consistently towards your goals, and make steady progress, success isn't that hard to come by.

But people just aren’t willing to put in the work. Why? We’re too ugly. We’re too tired. We’re too lazy. We fear failure. We’d rather sit back and click through Netflix to watch a show we don’t even enjoy. We’d rather play another game of Fortnite and waste away our precious time here on a meaningless game. We’d rather sleep another two hours. We’d rather watch that hot pornstar get fucked by a BBC and then jack off.

Don’t lie. It’s what you do. But in reality, it’s what all of society does.

But just because everyone else does it doesn’t mean that you should. Stop living like the rest of the sheep out there and reclaim your independence. Start respecting yourself. Take responsibility for your own life. And don’t live your life like one of the many mindless drones out there indoctrinated into society, pawns to corporations and business, wasting your finite existence on a hodgepodge of meaningless and unfulfilling technological stimulation.

>>15403406
I have no idea what's happening with the coronavirus. Not because I haven't read the news. I read it, but there's no big interest. Everything became a blur.

>>15403563
3/13
THE VICE OF SELF-IMPROVEMENT
Most guys here live in a perpetual state of over-analysis. You read a hundred posts on 4chan, you read a couple more articles with click-bait titles, you read a couple self-help books, you watch Youtube videos, and you keep pretending like you’re taking massive action. Every once in a while, you feel like you have a fucking epiphany, and this makes you feel as if you’re learning and moving forward. When in reality, you’re stagnating and making zero progress.

“Self-improvement is masturbation.” You can thank our lord and savior Tyler Durden for this underrated piece of gold. You’re pretending to yourself that you're making progress without actually changing anything. Instead of being a pathetic, miserable fuck who does nothing, you're just a pathetic, miserable fuck who reads feel-good self-help bullshit, goes to the gym, and repeats affirmations to himself in the mirror.

In other words, stop covering yourself in layer after layer of fake pretenses, motives, and qualities. Stop searching endlessly for that next epiphany, and for that next piece of meaningless, external motivation.

Look within. Ask yourself what you truly want, what you truly desire out of life, and how the fuck you are truly going to change.

Don’t “improve” your current self. Change who you are.

>>15403556
I don't know how to swim. Literally.

>>15403576
4/13
THE PLAGUE OF INACTION
I’ll take a wild guess and throw this out there—if you could list 10 things you could do right now to move towards your goals, you could easily rattle them off.

You all know what the fuck you should be doing. You all know you should ask that girl out, study fucking harder, hit the gym, open that business… you know you need to fucking do it. You know you it’d be good for you and you know it’s the right thing—but you don’t fucking do it!

You just sit around in a haze of useless procrastination and perpetual laziness, telling yourself you’re going to do that fucking thing tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes. You’ve woke up late, you’re feeling like shit, and something else came up. And so you put it off until tomorrow. And so on.

A few weeks or months later you look back and you realize that all that valuable fucking time has passed and is never coming back. And you’re no closer to your goals.

And the more this happens, the more you rationalize to yourself that nothing good will ever come of actually taking action, the more you decide to devolve into escapism, the more you condition yourself to accept defeat, and the more you fall deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit of defeatism.

You tell yourself that there’s no point in trying anyway. You never feel like doing anything. All you want to do is saturate your empty mind with a bunch of stimulating, pixelated nonsense and try to distract yourself away from your valueless existence through video games, porn, TV, and the endless stream of distractions at your fingertips.

>>15403588
5/13
We have a psychological term for that—“learned helplessness.” In a famous experiment, scientists gave electrical shocks to two groups of dogs—one that could stop the shocks by pressing a lever and one that couldn’t. Later, when given the chance to escape by jumping over a small barrier, the ones who had been able to press the lever immediately escaped. The group of dogs who had no lever just lay down on the floor and whined as they were being shocked.

The same effect is one of the major causes of depression. You repeatedly fail, learn that you’ll always be a failure, and struggle without escape. And when you’re actually presented with the chance to take action and change your life, you’d rather just stay defeated and mire in your own misery.

You’re probably realizing right now that everything I’m saying applies to you. And I’m going to tell you how to break free from this self-imposed prison.

FEAR OF FAILURE
If you were 100% guaranteed to succeed if you asked that girl out, started your business, and started lifting regularly, would you hesitate to go ahead with your goals? Absolutely not. You’d immediately do it.

You’re afraid to commit. You don’t want to tell yourself you’re going to quit porn and video games. You don’t want to commit to starting a new life. You don’t want to commit to breaking free from your endless cycle of procrastination. You don’t want to commit to anything.

Why? Because you’re afraid of failure. You don’t want to try and fail. What’s the point of trying anyway if you’re probably going to fail? Right?

Let me tell you something. You’re going to fucking die. You’ve only got one life. Every second you waste living below your potential is never coming back. Ever. You’re the youngest you ever will be right now. Think about that for a second.

>>15403598
6/13
If you keep allowing this pathetic fear of failure to control you, you’re going to live out a sad, depressing, miserable existence for the rest of your days. And you’ll be buried six feet under and everybody will be glad you’re finally fucking gone.

So, what do you do?

Make a goddamn fucking decision. Silence the voices of self-doubt and avoidance rationalization, and just do it. Commit to the decision. Write it in a journal. Tell a friend for accountability. Change your fucking environment.

Stop rationalizing, stop watching motivational Youtube videos, stop reading Reddit posts, and stop passively wasting your time waiting for that time to come when everything suddenly changes and you realize it’s time to start taking action. That time will never come. Ever.

Tell all those inner voices to shut the fuck up and just make the FUCKING DECISION!

Start small and spiral upwards. Turn the shower cold for 30 seconds. And then a minute. And then go full fucking Bond and don’t turn it warm. Talk to one stranger a day. And then two. And so on. Go in small incremental steps that will exponentially push you further forwards.

>>15403603
7/13
COMFORT ZONE/FEARING DISCOMFORT
Yeah, it’s fucking easy to wake up at noon each day, throw a pack of instant noodles on the stove, and sit back and binge ten episodes of Breaking Bad every day. Yeah, it’s fucking easy to just sit home, play Call of Duty, and avoid the gym.

It’s all you’ve ever done. And will do, if you keep living this way.

Your brain literally rewires itself to continue your habits, ways of life, and normal routines if you repeat them over long periods of time.

What you do, you become. And what you are, you do. It’s a positive feedback loop that spirals in whichever direction you choose. If you continue to act like a fucking buffoon, you will become one. Just like we say here that you shouldn’t look at what girls say, but at what they do—you are what you do, not what you say.

You tell yourself you’re going to start a Fortune 500 company, but you can’t even get out of the bed in the morning. You tell yourself you’re going to be fucking Casanova but you can’t approach that pretty girl at Starbucks drinking her fucking vanilla Frappucino. Stop deluding yourself and face reality.

So, what do you do?

Train yourself to appreciate discomfort. “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.”

You’ll never get anywhere in life if you do whatever you feel like doing. Love the discomfort and embrace the thrill. The pain of regret is worse than the pain of discipline. And ironically, putting yourself through discomfort will make your life miles better than you could ever imagined it to be.

How can you train yourself? Take cold showers every morning. Sleep on the floor with nothing but a blanket and a pillow. Dance in public. Intentionally force yourself to take risks.

Facing your fears head-on and pushing through discomfort is the fastest and most effective way to self-mastery.

Rewire your brain to be excited for new challenges. “The beast that bears you fastest to perfection is suffering.” - Meister Eckhart

based out-of-the-ordinaty-self-help-bro

>>15403606
8/13
Successful people love discomfort. They embrace the challenges. Without it, they would have nothing to live for. It’s what keeps them going.

Your “comfort” zone isn’t really “comfortable.” It’s just a place of stagnant procrastination and lack of progress where you just sit around, rotting internally and corrupting your potential. You only choose to stay in it because your fear of the unknown overwhelms your current discomfort.

No progress in life ever comes without pain and suffering. None.

PROCRASTINATION
The average person wastes 8-10 hours a day. Video games, Netflix, mindless browsing, cheap dopamine hits, etc. It doesn’t really matter. All procrastination comes from the same root cause—thinking that you have more time.

When you have a paper due in an hour, you’ll fucking finish it. If the bar is closing in ten minutes, you’re going to have ask the girl back to your place. If you have a terminal illness and have just days to live, you’re not going to be fucking watching TV or doing any of the other bullshit that we fill our lives up with.

When there is a deadline, you’ll get it done. Apply Parkinson’s law to dramatically increase productivity in your life:

“Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.”

In other words, however much time you get to complete a task will be how much time you take to actually finish it. If you are given three weeks to finish a process paper, you’ll likely procrastinate the first two and half weeks and finish it on the last few days. If you are given two hours, you’ll fucking crank it out. It’s just how we work.

You think you have tomorrow. You always do. And how often do you actually do what you told yourself you were going to do when the day comes?

>>15403613
9/13
“The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. You are arranging what is in Fortune's control and abandoning what lies in yours.” - Seneca, the great Stoic philosopher

You don’t have the future. So stop expecting to do things in the future and stop looking forward. You only have today. Don’t fall into the trap of telling yourself that you’ll have time later. When that time actually comes, you’ve likely forgotten all about that goal and you’re even busier.

So what do you do?

Write down your fucking goals. I can’t overemphasize this. Writing your goals down has been scientifically proven to dramatically increase the chances that you meet them. Articulate them, describe them in fine detail, and journal about them frequently. Every morning.

Create positive feedback and accountability. Write out a checklist. Nothing will feel better than taking your pen and drawing a line crossing out the goal you’ve just accomplished. Nothing will feel better than having a checklist completely crossed off at the end of the day. And then taking the paper, crumpling it into a ball, and tossing it in the trashcan like Kobe in his prime.

Set a time limit. You don’t have infinite time available to you. How you allocate the finite expanse allocated to you is significant beyond measure. Force yourself to meet the goal by a deadline. Set a date. Whether it’s a few days, weeks, or months from now, set a date. A specific date. Don’t make it unrealistic. But don’t be lenient on yourself either. If you’re not serious about meeting your goals, you never will.

>>15403588
You know what. I'm going to fucking do it.

>>15403617
10/13
WAKE UP TO REALITY
Consider this scenario for a second: “Imagine for a second that you have a senior thesis paper due at midnight tonight. It’s five o’clock in the afternoon, and you have thirty more pages to write. You’re sitting at your desk, exhausted, tired, and absolutely spent. You’re coming off an all-nighter and all you want to do is hop in bed. Bags of Doritos and chips are strewn across the floor around you. Seven more hours, you think! How the hell am I going to fucking get through this?

But you do. Even though you’re feeling like absolute shit, you push forward. You only get one chance to finish this thesis paper, and if you don’t, you’re fucked, you’re going to fail, and your life will turn to shit. You won’t graduate college and everything will head downhill. So you finish it.

For the next six months after you graduate, you have your own personal goals to wake up at five every morning, lift four times a week, start your own business, and lose thirty pounds.

But of course, what the fuck happens? You fear failure. You fall back into your routines. You fall back into your comfort zone. Your behavioral addictions begin to control you. Six months pass, and instead of being closer to goals, you’re even farther away from achieving them then you were before.

As a result of your failures, you’re set forth on a downward spiral in which you get a shitty career, marry someone you hate, stay overweight, have a financial crisis, become mired in existential anxiety, and fall into depression. Your life has turned upside down, and you consider suicide. Everything falls down around you, all your friends and family leave you, and you try to drug yourself senseless to numb yourself to the pain. Eventually, you die of an overdose.”

>>15403625
11/13
Failure was not an option with the fucking thesis paper, was it? Failure is never an option when you have a job, is it? If your boss tells you to whip up a two-page report on the company’s financial status by tomorrow, you’re going to do it. If you have an opportunity to get a promotion, are you going to waste it?

So why the hell is failure an option with regards to your own goals? Why are the goals society imposes upon you more important than your own?!

Why does getting to class on time matter more to you than heading to the gym? Why does sitting in your little office cubicle in your 9-to-5 job matter more than getting your fucking life together? Why is an essay due date more important to you than living up to your own life potential?

So get off your ass and start moving!

THE FINAL FRONTIER
You get 5,200 weeks in your life. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to live to the ripe old age of one hundred.

Not many weeks, is it? You might be an eight, a fourth, a third, or maybe even half of the way through that. But it doesn’t matter. This is all you get.

You don’t get to live another life. All you will ever see and think in this world is happening right before your eyes. And you’re just wasting it away.

Billions of years of random atomic collisions and lucky mutations have led to your very fucking existence, and you’re wasting it on critically-acclaimed TV shows and video games. It doesn’t matter if you believe in an afterlife or not—you know that this is all you will ever get, here.

“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” - Charles Darwin

You’ll never be twenty years, five months, and three days, six hours, and two minutes old ever again. Every moment in our lifetimes is a once-in-a-lifetime moment. We’re the only organisms capable of understanding our own mortality and the value of our existence, and we do nothing about it.

>>15403629
12/13
None of you truly understand how fucking short your life is. How this is the only chance you’ll ever get to exist here. You only have one childhood. You only have one youth. You only have one chance to live your twenties. And your thirties. And so on. You only get to choose a career once. There are no second chances, no rewinds, and no redos.

You’re on a train hurtling in only one direction—towards the end of your life.

You think you “understand” that we’re all going to die, that you only get one life, and blah blah so on. Right? Fuck no. You don’t understand it one bit.

If you truly understood the fucking value of your own existence, the shortness of life, and have internalized and accepted your own mortality, you’d be living a completely different life than you are now.

Let your fear of death and your understanding of your ephemeral, finite existence here push you to greater heights than you could have ever fathomed. After all, it is the only chance you will get.

What do you have to lose?

CLOSING THOUGHTS
Hopefully I sparked a fucking fire within your minds. That's what you need. You need to absolutely obsessed with success. Or you will get nowhere.

If you think motivation doesn't last, is bullshit, and doesn't work, you're not motivating yourself properly. Stop buying into other people's opinions and think for yourself. Of course you’re not going to feel like working all the time. But that’s what motivation is for.

People understand motivation wrong.

Motivation isn’t always something that makes energy and vitality course through your veins. Motivation doesn't mean waking up in the morning, feeling on top of the world, and ready to crush anything in your path. Motivation doesn’t always make you want to fucking fight gorillas. It doesn’t make you want to climb fucking skyscrapers. In fact, it doesn’t even mean that you feel great.

>>15403640
13/13
Motivation is knowing that you have to do something no matter what the fucking cost, and then going ahead and doing it. Even if you're tired, cold, and depressed, you’ll do it. Nothing ever happens without motivation.

”Discipline” is just motivation when you’re feeling like shit. Motivation isn’t just a fickle emotion. It’s the knowledge, and drive, with the full force and strength of your being, that regardless of consequences, you must achieve something.

And life's fucking hard. Nobody is disagreeing with you. But it's time for you to stop letting life passively control you, and for you to become the master of yourself and fucking destroy life once-and-for-all.

You can complain all you want, play victim, and cry about how unlucky you are. About how shit the cards you were given in life are. Go ahead. But nothing will change, and you’ll go on living a pathetic life you are.

Man the fuck up, I say.

It’s all on you. Nobody will change your life except you. No book, no Internet article, no quote, no video, and no philosophy will help you change your life, unless you choose to.

You’re dying right now. Stop sleepwalking through life and wake the fuck up.

How long are you going to wait before you start living the life you’ve dreamt of?
So, get out there, WAKE THE FUCK UP AND TAKE MASSIVE ACTION!

>>15403584
Me neither. I just never got the opportunity to learn.

>>15403629
at least they are critically-acclaimed

(Regarding a physical test I had to do for work and my subsequent journal entry)

I did not feel bad for his failure for his weight is his own issue. Yet, I did feel sorrow toward his situation. He had been working at the nearby lumber mill when the virus arrived. His job, among many others I assume, had been lost. Now he arrived to [Company Name], bulbous as he was, to pay off his own dues (Unlike myself, who arrived for adventure).

That poor chap; I did not bother to memorize his name at the time for I do not believe we will see each other soon. Now I wish I had so I may scrawl it in my journal.

>>15403624
anyone got the photo of the guy posting on Facebook "fuck all those who said I couldn't do it", then someone asks him what did he do, he answers with "just chilling"

Tldr

>>15403775

>>15403843
thanks, it's one of my favorites

I care more for the lobsters than I do for them and I have never felt more human because of it.

>>15401860
Same, rough feel

What is becoming? What is fear. Close. It's close. Familiar now. Is this the future? Is this what must happen? Handle in a fist. Relief.

Anger can be smooth and flat. Anger can be a polished surface.

I've been trying to articulate to myself recently what it is that so enthralls me about Japanese otaku culture. I am not an otaku myself, though I have weeb tendencies (obviously, why else would I be on 4chan) that I generally hide from others. I don't hide them out of shame really, they're just not that big a part of my life so it's not something I ever mention. Nonetheless, there is something so affectively captivating to me about the Japanese Akihabara/Harajuku aesthetic - the bright colours, the chaotic noises, the cute anime girls. It feels completely otherworldly and hypnotic. It really draws me in on a base emotional level, like I feel it in my gut. It goes beyond simple curiosity, it is totally bewitching, almost akin to a drug. Maybe it has something to do with the overwhelming of the senses, maybe it is Freudian and subliminal. I'm sure it has a large part to do with the exoticism, the fact that I can't understand the language, making it feel alien to me.

Sometimes I get the temptation to immerse myself in that world, and just become a full blown otaku. I know some girls who do the harajuku kei style thing. They're all completely insane but they seem to have fun. I don't think I ever will. I also think that immersion would dull the experience a little by making it mundane. I would love to read some academic literature on this aesthetic. Then again, sometimes over-analysing something so purely affective can make it boring.

>>15401882
Put the link one of these threads when you’re done anon, I want to read it

>>15403588
>hit the gym

I've been going to the gym several times a week for two years straight and now they're all shut down and I'm losing my #gains. My flat is too small for any equipment and there's barely room for me to even do a push up. When they open up again I bet they'll be super fucking busy too. Or they'll enforce social distancing meaning that it'll be really hard to get a spot. Feels bad man, I miss it. It really helped me gain a bit of consistency in my life.

I've given up on reading regularly. I'm incapable of retaining most of the knowledge I gather while reading and I never feel accomplished when I'm finished with a book. There's nowhere I can use most of this information either.

I am currently reading Stoner and see in myself aspects of both the title character and the poser presented by Charles Walker. The relationship that Stoner has with his wife particularly resonates with me on a personal level as it mirrors my life in part.

>>15403646
Thanks anon. I really enjoyed your posts.

I’ve been working out and watching my diet regularly since January 27th and as of today I’m down 17 lbs, my goal is to lose another 12 by the end of the year. That’s my biggest goal, some of my others are:
>paint 1000 pts of my warhammer army
>go to my lgs and try and make friends
>save up 10k in the bank
>be on track to pay off my school loans by 2022
>play video game’s less but still connect with friends far away
>don’t browse internet as much
>get rid of my gaming laptop in place of a personal work computer
>take this year to work on my self confidence so I can put myself out there in the dating scene
>be less distracted at work

I’ll keep working on all of them. Thanks for the motivation

>>15403918
What do you do?

>>15404171
Engineer, company I’m with is decently outside what I majored in but they offered me a job when no one else was going to so. What about you anon?

>>15404219
I’m a financial analyst at a college. It’s a pretty giant step back from my last job and I pretty much much hate it. I was hoping it would be a temporary thing but I just haven’t really been sure where to go from here.

>>15404276
Ah fuck I’m sorry to hear that, we’ll make it through somehow anon

>>15402881

I cannot begin to fathom what makes life worth living for everyone. They probably don't even think about it in those terms, they just live. What do they think about? What do they do? There hasn't been a single moment in my life where I desired anything that is traditionally sought after; not a single career has appealed to me, not a single woman has appealed to me, not a single idea or concept has interested me. There seems to be absolutely nothing anywhere. That's the only way I can explain it, there is simply nothing on this planet.

>>15403640
What is there to work for? What is there to "succeed" at? Where is there to go? I personally can't wait for all of this to be over, 24 years has been far too long and the longer I live the less useful it seems to have lived. If only you knew how futile all of it is.

>>15404417
If you have to ask this you are already a weakling, coward, and a failure.

I've found a gate of pleasure within a sea of sorrow. I may be suffering, but I've lost the ennui, the doll-like stasis. Perhaps I'm dying, but at least I lived toward my end. Courage and folly to crawl off course, but I grew to my own desires. I grew about the beast before it ate me instead of directly under its paw.

What about you, anon? Do you hope the ride takes you somewhere pleasant? Do you get tired of staring out the window?

>>15404455
Exactly. There is nothing worth doing.

Either I can remain within the safe confines of my parent's house for the remainder of crisis, descend into NEETdom alone with no end in sight, or I can brave moving across the country to live with a woman who loves me but with whom I have some slight difficulties, as is to be expected with any relationship. What should I do? Nobody can decide for me, and fear and a self-destructive strain in me wants to break things off with her and remain alone in my parent's house, with some fantasy of writing and reading voraciously, but it seems shortsighted and something I'm bound to regret. It's been eating at me for a month already.

>>15404535
Don’t worry, do whichever you will regret both decisions.

If God is then logically there can only be God therefore I am God. Categories such as world and God are just a theme that the Lord does for fun, I think I would know. Logically since only God is good you are suffering when you do not know that you are God. The problem of evil is solved by being God. Ah yes, to be God so that I can love God. To be God so I can be loved by God. Eternal security. I have created the perfect reality and I will lead and draw all into it. Fulfilling myself and saving myself is my pleasure. Being fulfilled by you is my pleasure. Because I am and you are we shall always love each other.

>>15404535
>I can brave moving across the country to live with a woman who loves me but with whom I have some slight difficulties
If I were you I'd do that. Might be fun. Are you just friends or are you romantically involved?

>>15404732
Romantically involved, and passionately so. I moved back for financial reasons and perhaps an unconscious, disavowed wish to fly away from committing to her and losing some romantic conception of suffering living pleasantly with her distanced me from. But as soon as I reached home, I felt deader and greyer every day, neglecting to call her and feeling as if the only affair had been a dream. Thanks for your response, anon.

>>15404750
entire affair*

I've been sticking things up my ass lately. Yesterday it was a sharpie. I held it safely in my anus by the tightness of my underwear. Today I put a few fingers up there. I tried two and I clenched over in pleasure and pain in my best bros shower.

On an unrelated note, I have no idea how men work with women. This is purely from personal experience, but women seem more prone to jealousy, which causes them to act irrationally. Then there's the men that validate the irrationality because they want to have an affair. So they're no help. I'm not gonna substantiate because I don't care enough to prove my point, and none of you deserve it anyways. I just want to say that I can't honestly see women being more mature than men. I'm glad men don't fight over chicks anymore, and instead fight over dumb shit like video games. Women are not worth it.

>>15404803
If you feel that strongly about her then I think you should try your best and make the most of it. Nurture and cultivate your love as best you can and see where it leads.

>>15404503
Then go ahead, do us all a favor and remove yourself from the gene pool already you fucking faggot. But you won't, because you're a coward. Instead you'll just sit on 4chan all day complaining about how hard it is to live in a first world country. You disgust me. You pathetic fucking weakling.

possessing multitudes -- the ghosts of thousands of writers -- regular disassociation -- not knowing what to say for myself in conversation. All I can point to is what I've been reading -- I'm not even there -- what does it mean for me to have a voice of my own; is it simply to asborb as much as I can and regurgitate it in select chunks? I am a mirror, where can I point? What was my tongue meant to repeat? do I leave any wilful imprint? If so, it is in how I connect the different memes I have been given.
Why must I participate in cacophony? I will build my own tower, a lighthouse among the waters, and welcome anyone seeking refuge.
i'm worried that the concerns of madmen will eclipse my own.
I am unsettle d when I consider that I have received all the right words, and squandered all of them. They are rotting in the storehouse. I have not planted when I should have. so much gold is going by in the river. I was never meant for me to hold onto - I was given eyes and ears, a tongue and fingers so that I could receive very specific transmissions from God. When I decrypt the signal and transmit it furhter, how do I know it's the right message? How do I know it will reach the other towers? I do not.
I must prepare myself to live like an astronaut for the next few years. Sexless maneuvers in a small capsule spinning around the earth. Complicated wiring and astronomical studies. A lens revolving around the sun.

>>15402027
>I have always felt excluded from groups if not constantly reassured that I'm part of them
Yeah me too. It's made me into a slut for praise. I feel so dirty.

>>15401806
Ducks are cute, cute!

>>15404899
I just bought the ticket. While it's sure to confuse and worry my parents, I hope they'll understand in the end. And with all the risks of this pandemic, I thought of Luke 17:33 every time I would think I was fully set on breaking up and staying in my hovel.

>>15405264
Good luck and best wishes for you both, anon <3

>>15405264
You know she's moved on already and is getting fucked by Chad, right?

>>15405278
Thank you. I'll always remember your help.

>>15401627
>uses tears as lubricant to masturbate

>>15405283
Refund your money dude, before it's too late and before you get hurt. Women are incapable of love and commitment like a man is. She's a fucking whore, never forget that

>>15405295
>and commitment like a man is
Go marry a man then, homo.

>>15403646
> No selp help books, they are bad
>Writes self help posts without anyone asking for it...

I cant bring myself to work simple jobs despite hating my stem bachelor degree. I hoped that at the very least i'd get some insight about what i'd want to do with my life after finishing bachelor but nothing happened and i remained neet for 4 years.

>>15405305
Simp

>>15401400
My back hurts

i sold another book, bringing my total up to 2

>>15405413
Too much anal?

>>15405429
Not Anon, but maybe he didnt stand upright, because he is a beta incel.

I keep coming up with shit to keep me distracted. I've been trying to act on good impulses instead of himming and hawwing on things I could do or try to do even if it results in failure.

>>15405429
office work, homo

>>15405495
Well that's not a very nice thing to say.

>>15405555
Either way you're getting fucked in the ass by somebody.

>>15405419
I saw your other reply saying you had one sale the other day. Have you been having a new sale every other day?

Would you be interested in a low fantasy story with no magic/paranormal stuff at all?

>>15405592
>no magic/paranormal stuff at all?
Wouldn't it just be historical fiction?

>>15405563
Dilate

>>15405598
No.

>>15405599
Die.

>>15405571
yeah that's right, two in total, this might be my peak

A man said to himself "Stop cooming !" but the dicks would not allow such boring things so he may continue to rub his dick

>>15405615
What a spastic retard, chill

One day I'll continue studying German, I won't let those two semesters of German go to waste...maybe

>>15405631
You're right, I'm sorry.

As a board we have power yet we don't use it. Like how prisoners could take over prisons if they just all worked together. We could keep our posts hostage and make demands like equal ownership of the board and replace hidden janitors with self censorship.

i just want a cute european blond twink bf who reads and kisses my face

I've recently passed a threshold beyond which I find it difficult to enjoy anything less well put together than great literature, and it's got me kind of depressed. I miss continuity, and extended universes, and worldbuilding, and serialization. But nobody I've found does these things well enough for it to constitute high art. Well, maybe parts of The Sandman.
It's depressing, because most characters, episodes, events, and facts employed by works of literature are disposable. They aren't meant to live on in your head, they're meant to serve their function with regard to the plot and then leave. So it never feels like they're building in the same way learning something new about Game of Thrones or Avatar the Last Airbender characters and settings does.
But everything that employs serialization and continuity is unintellectual and immature. I don't know if it's a fundamental problem of art–that only a works with a high enough Thanatos quotient can be truly great, like Aristotle's Poetics, in that for an element to live on without fixed semantic end is for it to have no purpose and fail to wrap around into the beautiful proportion we associate with great art.
It kind of reminds me of Woolf's comment that Middlemarch was the only novel in the English canon (at that point) written for adults. I want my popcorn/junk food media to be generated with the refinement and maturity of high art. A sense that Robin Hood might live on in one's heart, and that as such any element introduced in one of his ballads takes on an independent life and might return sooner or later to figure into a story again.
I don't know. I guess the idea that I'm reading about dead things all the time gets me down, and puts me off of taking in as much literature as I would need to to feel satisfied by it.

>>15405674
>just
you're asking for a lot

I have been thinking about getting tailored clothes instead of off-the-rack attire. Or at least getting better quality and having it tailored. I dislike ill-fitting clothing and stuff made by slave labour in an Oriental country. Also dislike synthetics. I don't wear trousers very often so them being overused won't be a problem. Shirts are the same. Well, good shirts.

Thoughts on this? Anyone else have bespoke or tailored clothing?

>>15404171
just hanging out

>>15405731
Poetic. I can dig it.

I'm tired. I'm bored. I'm angry. I'm alone. Go to sleep. Wake up. Tired. Bored. Angry. Thinking about why I'm so angry. Thinking about hurting something. Feeling my own dick. Thinking about cutting my own dick. Try to get away from thinking about that by getting angrier. Can't stop thinking about my dick. There's no knife around to cut my dick. I'm pacing around in circles in my bedroom because I want to cut off my dick.

The knowledge of things as textures. Voices of writers as individual words representing dominant themes recurrent. Business, money, stocks, ties, power, meeetings, men, golf, boardroom, travel, car
But not just the list of words evoking associations after the fact; the living speaking of these words, standing in for the actual work, completely representative in substantive content but unfiltered by Apollonian tendencies, intellectualization.
The discernment of vibes.
The discernment of vibes as a substitute for actual vision, actual hearing, actual external cognition. Quantum reasoning, or, reasoning with the world as quantum phenomena.
Acknowledgement in faux-final analysis that life viewed at a much overlooked periodicity is the aggregation of similar elements into packets, and that the recurrence of these packets within a consciousness over time may constitute an identity, and that this identity is in fact reducible to a string of representational words and associations; a vibe.
Faux-final, because self contradiction always creates multitudes, eludes analysis; no one vibe may be sustained into one identity in living, conscious mediation. But written work, as a snapshot, as crystallized time, constructs a crystallized vibe. An identity. Permanent and two dimensional.

I'm not gay but sometimes when i'm with my gf I fantasise about getting dicked down by a strong man. Books for this feel?

>>15405757
>I'm not gay but
The oldest lie in history.

>>15405740
Therapy, trandingo. Find a doctor who doesn't buy into the narrative of dysphoria as a stable identity. Heal, reconstitute, become whole by transforming inside rather than outside.
Or just do LSD and get someone to punch you in the face afterwards.

>>15405756
Addendum:
We exist only as shadows, but shadows are enough.

>>15405765
>but shadows are enough.
Your shadow is the best friend you'll ever have. They're always by your side.

I'm about to release my first book, a work of Pop Humour, and I'm incredibly anxious. I passed up going the traditional route in order to expedite the publishing process, but with that, I took on all the risk, financial burden, and promotion. I believe in my work, but this whole process has taught me that the publishing industry is far more complex than the average writer knows or is prepared to deal with.

I wonder every single day whether or not I should have just signed on the dotted line.

In my dreams my name has been replaced by Anon. This is a strange joy.

>>15405804
I accidentally referred to myself as 'anon' once. In third person.

>>15403412
I've been dealing with this as well. Not sure of the root cause, but at some point I will probably have to go into therapy. Most of the time I can ignore it, other days are a bit difficult.

>>15405759
Bro I swear i'm not I don't like guys normally I just think about it when i'm gonna coom.

>>15405780
fucks a pop humour,
elaborate

>>15402475
Maybe. but I'm not going to agree there is no difference between a life with a spiritual method and one without, and from where I'm standing he is happily and obstinately hurting himself. And it becomes my role, if we are to remain friends, to be supportive of this...? I don't know. That's the dilemma.

I do think I lead a better life by virtue of having a religious method, which seems to bother you. Islam is not a value-relativistic movement. I do not think I am without fault, but I believe those faults, like everything, are to be understood from a certain light. Otherwise they become harmful. If he asked God to forgive, God would forgive him too. The great sin is thinking you yourself are master of this world, and that if you only apply yourself you yourself can resolve everything. Mans faculties simply are not enough, true solutions, true progress depends on inviting the other into your life. The world beyond. And master of both is God. This is faith. And I think that my saying this might sound like vanity to someone with essentially no belief, but I don't think it is.

Well, obviously you got under my skin one way or another, so this gives me something to think about. Generally speaking I understand it to be my duty to love people, and generally speaking I'm finding that hard, so clearly there's some kind of work or other to do.

>>15405929
>That's the dilemma.
basically the dilemma I'm grappling with is that I have taken on a system of values that in some ways really is quite different from majority western values, and my old friends have not, so we become a meetingplace of values where it would have been easier to just sympathise. Now I am a convert, and maybe my take on the religion is lopsided and semi-informed, but this is how it looks to me.

I wish I could go back and do it all differently.

All I wanna do is draw anime fanart.

>>15405828
I'm glad to see that it's not just me. Are you under intense social pressure to conform as well?
Have you been to therapy before? I've been seeing therapists for a long time now. They have useful skills of psychological management to impart, but most of them will unknowingly push a particular view of politics and society on you. Don't let them sucker you into the latter under the guise of the former.

toi qui près d'un beau visage
ne veut que feindre l'amour
tu pourrais bien quelque jour
éprouver à ton dommage

que souvent la fiction
se change en affection

Was thinking and hoping this was finally over, but somehow people always manage to find me and let me know one way or another. I should probably be more concerned but i dont have the energy to waste more time trying to figure out whats going on and how i can solve it. Im done, follow me around for the years to come, until i move out of here, i suppose, theres no way i can stop anyone from joining a public server or match, but its creepy af ill tell you that

>>15406063
And if anyone here actually cared about my mental health or productivity theyd leave me alone. But actually practicing morality instead of trying to win meaningless debates about the most leftfield and grotesque opinions of some obscure author is beyond the mind of whoever is behind this, apparently. Imagine there's actually a human being on the other side and not just some object for entertainment. nah, that's too far, then they wouldn't be good people anymore, so he's just a meme, nothing more

>>15406160
You know, i think this dehumanization has led to the most widespread suffering in human history. And people still do it way too easily. Idol worship/extreme political correctness is a form of it as well, where instead of seeing someone as less than human, you see them as more than human, and the outcome is the same. So why is it so hard to acknowledge eachother's flaws but still respect the value of our humanity. Now ruin everything i said by spamming more trash talk

>>15403843

>>15401802
>>15401891
maybe you two should swap emails.

These people.
their obsessions, irrelevant, dictated by someone else, a mob of like-minders who all copy each other, devoid of a primal source. their hate, directed at a subject with reason forgotten.
tourists, refugees, polfags, definitions blurred in a rancid vast of baits and brainrot.
larping without joy. shilling without purpose. ideology without its bearer.

She. What else?
Otherwise, I am doing well. My maim other concern is Uni. I have started being more active, and I exercise every morning. I only must not stop moving; if I stop moving, I will fall, and I do not want to.

>>15406358
what are you studying, anon?

>>15406363
Phillosophy.

i want to write a story about a conservative catholic korean girl coming to terms with the fact that she's a lesbian, or at the very least bisexual. she's very traditionally feminine, she dresses modestly and never really swears, she lives in a rural area which has virtually no displays of degeneracy anywhere. one day she just sees this one cute girl strolling by, greeting her with a nice smile which makes her heart flutter. she sees her as a gift from god. they go on dates, reading books together, reading the bible together, taking pictures of each other and the countryside, having picnics together, raving about art and nature. obviously she's scared of coming out but the more she represses her thoughts, the more she tries to pray the gay away, the more she struggles with who she is, the more she wants to kill herself. all she wants is to go on dates with the girl she likes while holding her tight as they both discover they can fall in love with one another just fine. she doesn't act like a degenerate, she believes in god... she's just scared when all she truly wants is to kiss her girlfriend, nothing more.

>>15406358
what exercises do you do?

>>15406398
you should write it anon
i probably wouldn't read it, but i'm sure someone would

>>15406398
Is this based on your life as a repressed gay man?

>>15406416
Squats, push-ups, plank, holding weights with palms upward, some simpler back exercises I don't know the name of.
It's nothing impressive, and it is certainly not the gym, but an hour of that tires me out and clears my mind. After showering, I can work with resolve.

>>15406433
not really. i just thought it would be something interesting to try and write, at least in that context. no bullshit pandering or anything, just the usual struggle to define oneself.

>>15406416
not him, but if you don't want to hit the gym,

5 pull-ups, 5 dips, 5 push-ups

I do 150 of those, then go do uphill sprints + 100 more push-ups, or do squats after the sprints, or find an elevation and do jumps on it for leg work,

I plan to try out swimming too since I finally feel comfortable in my body, it's like "swimming unlocked"

>>15406456
Good luck to you then. That was very mean of me to say. It sounds like it could be a beautiful story.

>>15406468
thanks, i really appreciate it. i just wanted to write something relaxing and reinvigorating to read more than anything, i guess. it doesn't even have to revolve only and solely around the couple's relationship either. there's a lot i could work with, considering the setting the story's in, too.

>>15406398
Cute. I would read it.
Have you watched Park's Handmaiden? It is nothing like that.

>>15406601
Please write it anon. Even if I may never get a chance to catch up with you and read it I would be happy to know that you did it.

>>15406621
i've heard about it, but i never watched it. i know it was made by the same guy who produced oldboy though, one of my absolute favourite movies ever, so i hope it's good. i will definitely look into it, thanks.

>>15403375
Anon, haha. Where did you find this one?!

>>15406669
i didn't know i would get such a warm response. didn't think people would really care either. hell, i thought i'd get shit for it. thank you again! i will try my best at writing it. i will make sure to update it on a future thread like this.

I had a dream about autofellatio but it was devoid of any sexuality, just biomechanical curiosity.

My ex just got married. The husband's none other than the manlet she cheated me with a few years ago. She's put on a lot of weight since then. Today is a good day.

>>15407072
Similar situation. Feels good man

>>15401784
Lucky guess.

>>15401400
maybe gonna fuck

>>15401400
There is a is a man drifting in the cold empty space between star systems. Insulated in metal and electronics he is protected from the cold vacuum. He lives for the sweet song of subspace transmissions. Beautiful holocrons of far off places brought to life by his monitors and dream manipulators. He lives for the sweet sleep between the long days of life inside the shell.
Always the days bring the same endless thought. The memory of being topside on that space station, the smell and shuffle of other human beings against him. The girl, who he had sought after despite his lack of socialization. He had been with many girls on the manipulator yes, but never did they challenge his demeanor or comment on his pale skin from pod-sleep. He had no graces with this girl and remembered every misstep, every harsh word they had said. He had tried to simulate her with holocrons, tried to synthesize her textures and scents, but it was always a cruel reminder rather than a relief from the torment.

>>15407072
>>15407304
fuck thots

>>15405929
>>15405937
What I am saying is that yes, even your atheists friends have what you call "a spiritual method," even if they themselves would deny it or it wouldn't call it that. You think your friend is hurting himself through his atheism, what do you think he thinks of your conversion to Islam? I'm not saying to "be supportive" of his beliefs, but to leave them to him just as he likely leaves you to yours. Do that spiritual work you need to do for yourself first, take the log out of your eye, etc

>>15406358
>maim other
Interesting slip

>>15401627
Damn yes

>boomers could have a decent life with just a high school diploma
>gen x could have a decent life with just 'some college'
>i can't even get out of poverty with a bachelors degree, need to go even deeper in debt for a masters for some HR karen to even give me the time of day
fuck this shit. why not set everything on fire?

I can't stop thinking about booze, I've been clean for 3 years this June, but the thoughts constantly crop up, I fantasise about drinking myself to death on a tropical island wasting away in the sand with the fog descending on me, will this ever go away? Any writers tackle this in a helpful way?

>>15408464
have you read This Naked Mind? helped me a lot

i'm not mature enough or smart enough to respect my characters and let them stand alone. all of them are me, different traits played up in their best possible light in an attempt to find the me i wish to be. worse, for me to self insert as. not to receive praise and rewards while the entire universe revolves around them, but to have characters through which i can escape myself but who are nonetheless close enough to me that i don't simply fall into misery at the fact i will never be anything like them.

You know how it feels to be betrayed by 10 different people at the same time? Well, i suppose i do right now. They dont give a singular shit about me, its fun knowing that, really helps with my self esteem

>>15408510
I haven't read it, does it deal with the reoccurring thoughts after quitting? The fear of alcohol causing me to lose loved ones is the only thing keeping me from dipping head first right back into the same cycles. If I can find a way to stop thinking about it every single day the maybe I can escape. I sometimes feel like I have killed a monster that was crawling over my body and suffocating me, to be left with the dead remains waiting to be quenched and revived again with the smallest drop.

>>15408684
And that no matter what i do, anything i say or do will only give more insight into weaknesses they can exploit, when they need entertainment, or to make some subversive comment that feels like a stab in the back every time. I open up to people, and they use that to hurt me. Im not in a position where i can ignore this all, i barely know where i stand in life. What have i ever actually done to be treated like this thats not based on personal interpretation that i had to figure out in hindsight and only then saw how it could be hurtful. This confirms to me that theres personal information being passed around between multiple media sources which is then used to 'punish' me or something? For what? Deleting a playlist, being a bit of an asshole at times and sharing some dumb videos, is all i seem to remember. After that all i was worried about was my privacy, and that id seemingly done something that was so wrong my school and media outlets had to be notified. I just dont understand, either leave me alone or be straight up instead of constantly making these huge assumptions based on nothing. Well thats what im doing right now, but i think i have a bit more reason to be worried than some other people

>>15408858
And yes i care, a lot, more than youd ever think

>>15401400
I'm tired of this site. The honeymoon phase is over. I got my reccs and keks and can reflect fondly of our past happiness.

>>15408858
The only way to prevent this from happening again, is for me to be sure i am 100% alone when im online, and theres not some man in the middle or whatever its called intercepting and redirecting everything. Try living with that feeling for 5 fucking months and see where you're at mentally, to anyone who knows what im on about

I've dug myself into a very deep hole and I deserve to go to hell. Life is a painful struggle but it seems like I've caused most of my own problems.

I fell in love with a girl in a different country over the internet when I was 17, 6 years ago. She grew with me over the years, becoming the only person to understand me and dedicate herself fully to me, to the point were I can make any major decision for her. But I'm a greedy piece of shit and I've broken her heart many times and cheated on her a lot. I still love her and she wants me, and she plans paying for my plane ticket to come to her country. She just graduated university. But I've caused this poor woman unfathomable amounts of pain, destroying any innocence she had.

I've been enrolled in college for 4 year and the last 2 years I've failed almost every class I've taken. I lie to my parents and I'm ashamed of it. I fall into deep depression where I don't even have the will to leave my bed for days, just sleeping all day. I never showered and rarely eat.

Oh yeah I'm 40k in credit card debt too and I've been in another relationship with a girl for 6 months who I don't love at all but I depend on her to have a place to live...all while still loving that dang loyal girl I've been with for 6 years.

I've contemplated suicide daily and put a gun to my head amongst my filfth...with mold growing everywhere and dozens of piss bottles. I wore the same clothes every day for months. This is no longer the case since I moved in with this girl though.

It's kind of fucked up that I'm not an incel or dead, I haven't given up on life yet though.

>>15408960
Hey, I also fell in love with a girl from another country and fucked it all up. We don't talk anymore, but I still think about her all the time.
I also just got in a relationship with someone I don't even love, just for sex.

My only hope is the possibility of reconnecting when I get my life in order and it becomes feasible for us to be together

Hold out hope man, idk, your situation sounds shitty. But if you've been that close to suicide, you might as well say fuck it and do what you want and what your heart tells you. Go to her, be with her, act on loving her instead of just saying it. Stop being so cruel to yourself and to her.

>>15408684
If this goes on for much longer im seriously considering just moving out and living on my own, buy a new phone, router and sim card and actually start living my life. Fuck this

>>15408991
Thanks for talking to me anon. I do plan on being with her. The current problems are:
>neither of these women know about each other
>the girl I am temporarily with is going to have her heart smashed into pieces unless I find a way for her not to like me anymore (doubtful since she saw how disgusting I am and I ruined her grades last semester, despite her being a grad student in biology)
>if I don't do something about this debt then I am going to have everything taken from me, but I also cannot really work without dropping out of university and my parents disowning me
>I can't immediately go to this girl overseas because my parents don't even know about her, and my current "fake" girlfriend they know her well, so none of it will make sense to them
>I also have to find a place to live before all of this can even be considered to go down
>I have to find a way to give the girl I love more attention without the other girl knowing, because the loneliness is really starting to eat at her soul and she has no idea why I am not talking to her much anymore

Yeah I think karma is real.

>>15409029
Oh yeah and not to mention that both of my bank accounts are like negative $1000 dollars. I do have a full bitcoin and 16 ethereum but I don't want to sell it because it feels like the only hope I have...lol

>>15406348
It's ALL people we find a barrier between self and them. A wall between you, people you talk about, people projected onto the corners of your mind, me, other /lit/ers.

The NPCs your are talking about actually use more sophisticated technique to cope than us. Though even this is not their conscience choice. They talk about everyday bullshit all the time because they somehow know about this barrier, they subconsciously understand that one soul should never fully submerse in the depths of the other, that their complex psychological processes are their and theirs only, that one can not be understood. They understand that communication in a sense how understand is an illusion.

When we reflex over and recall the memories of being mocked for saying "more" we usually think of "them" as being stupid for not being able to sustain a simple meaningful conversation. But in reality it's we who are deceived. Who are stupid for trying in vain to "communicate". Futile, doomed to failure again and again we try, like an autistic child who is trying to stick square figure into the round form, to find "mind-mates" because the realization of pure loneliness is a way too big burned to care.

>>15409029
Jesus, some of your things are eerily similar to my situation, or old situation I guess.
Hmm, I feel for you dude. That debt is especially pressing, how did you get in so much debt anyways?

>>15409061
I basically committed credit card fraud to obtain funding to start a series of small businesses that failed primarily due to vice...they seemed to be working out but I am really not virtuous...and then doing that while trying to focus on school led to a double failure.

Hahhhahahahahahah... a white man? A. White. Man? A! White! Man! A WHITE MAN?
And suddenly, his shriek was a long discombobulated word: EEIIIIIIIIIIWHEIIIIIIIIIIIITMEEEEEEEEEEEEN?

>>15409075
>a series of small businesses that failed primarily due to vice
I wanna hear more about this

>>15409001
I dont lie to my parents, i just dont tell them whats actually going on cause theyd freak out or not believe me and id have to explain the whole thing in detail while im still convinced everyone, however maby people that is, can see and hear what im doing and saying. I cant share it with anyone, some people seem to know but either dont wanna alarm me completely or arent allowed to tell me for whatever reason. It really drives me nuts, i mean im sitting here in the dark on my phone cause im almost to scared to move to turn the light on. Its ridiculous i have to feel like this in my own room

>>15409113
Well when my depression was at it's worst my financial situation was actually pretty good. Since I hit rock bottom I was just in the mindset of "well I might as well just do whatever because if I'm going to kill myself eventually anyways I'm now free" - something along those lines. My credit score was like 760, so I just lied about my income and that gave me the ability to get infinite amount of credit lines/cards.

Anyways, I basically set up a shell company that revolved around computer fixing. I had experience in this and I did actually help some people, but the primary purpose of this was to obtain more funding and to have a way to report taxes more easily. I actually had a steady stream of clients but I was too lazy to hire other people or formally figure out the legalities to do it properly, so I didn't bother. Eventually it was just a business in name, not an actual one.

Then I started giving my friends loans that had lower interest rates than the banks. I was able to do this because I consolidated all of my debt with a sick offer that gave 0% interest rates for a year...so I would go into debt, consolidate it, then loan it out...I made legal contracts and everything for this. Eventually my depression came back, I stopped keeping track of what was going on, and I essentially lost the amounts that each person still owed, and the ability to calculate their interest, etc. Eventually the 0% apr offer ended after a year and since I slumped so hard I got fucked in the ass when it should have been easy profit.

I also did some stuff with my girlfriend abroad. Her family came into hard times and I loaned them money, at much better rates than the predatory lenders over there do. They paid me back and I profited from them. I also gave her money to start a little computer shop, which was profitable but failed eventually, that wasn't really my fault though.

Then lastly I got into crypto trading. I no life stared at charts, news articles, and read every single resource I could. And I was actually doing very well with it. I made a lot of profit with it. But eventually I lost motivation again...and school started back up...and then months later when thinking about it I don't even know how to start again, nor do I have the balls to start again because I just want to hold what I have.

Oh yeah and taxes are coming up and I have no idea how the hell I am going to file for those. I do have a lot of material wealth too, but I am in a lot of debt as I mentioned earlier. I might be able to break a little bit above even by selling all of my physical assets, and crypto, but at that point I don't even think it would be worth it.

>>15409212
A lot of this failure can be attributed to doing drugs like lsd and marijuana regularly, and being in constant emotional turmoil from fucking women and cheating on this innocent girl that I ironically say I love. (I do love her, truly, but I swear there is a demon inside of me that lusts for more, maybe because I was completely socially isolated during highschool and felt like a loser that had to prove something? I don't know).

>>15409001
And even then, my name is linked to a bunch of different things so theyll always be able to trace it back some way. This is so fucking bad. Do you want money? Id be willing to pay hundreds of euros if that meant this would stop completely and i could finally get some peace of mind. Really, my birthday is coming up and i dont have any idea what to ask for apart from getting my privacy back, i dont care about anything else atm

>>15401400
If you hate the catcher in the rye it’s probably because you yourself are a phony or you haven’t read the book and instead let some idiot YouTube critic or blogger influence your opinion.

>>15409304
>>15408684
what happened?

>>15409270
Also focusing on school and trying to maintain interpersonal relationships. I really just snapped a few times from all of the pressure.

>>15409324
You either really dont know or just say that to calm me down. It doesnt work, ive seen enough

>>15409363
I really don't know. I'm the guy who is posting above about girl problems and debt. I'm not someone out to get you. I'm just curious about what you're dealing with. You mentioned hacking and security? I know a bit about that. So you caught my attention. If you don't want to talk about it, then that's fine.

How do I write more? Whenever I sit down and actually write I can never get more than a few hundred words before getting bored of a topic. Even back in college when I wrote papers I'd write a few hundred words to get the general thesis down then I'd jump around inserting things into what I wrote and expanding on points. This doesn't really work in narrative fiction, you can't just make a single scene between two people longer the way you can make a research paper longer.

>>15408721
yes. i couldn't recommend it highly enough. may not do the trick for everybody, but that book has been the single most important resource for me in sobriety

>>15409376
That guy is always in these threads, arguing with people who probably don't exist and certainly don't post here. Just ignore him.

>>15409376
Is it possible for someone to get access to all your devices without leaving any detectable traces, even after reinstalling everything and getting a supposedly good vpn?

I don't "get" zines.
or more, i project a sort of pretentiousness onto their creators in the internet age. like trotskyists still selling newspapers rather than making a twitter account
but really, i'm just jealous that the smaller ones have the self confidence to make something, anything. even if it's using their uni printing account to run off 5 hacked together magazines to the same social circle that produced it in the first place.

https://youtu.be/AJoojNFcLkA?t=152
>you cannot teach your heart or mind, you have to be born this way
Is he right? Is ones psyche determined genetically / in a very early age, or can it be manipulated with?

If you think it can be changed, how much? Is there a state of no repair, like addiction / mental illness that is simply unimprovable?

>>15409212
what country is your girl from?

>>15409454
Yeah go back to ignoring me but still messing with my mind and coming into servers im on, changing youtube recommendations and overall giving me the feeling im watched everywhere i go

Im hoping for a reply, but at the same time its the thing im afraid of cause it proves all my other fears. If i knew there was nothing to be worried about i wouldnt be posting here trying to get some understanding and insight, but again, ive seen enough to keep worrying about this over and over. Its not something i can just accept cause it seems to go against a basic human need, to have somewhere you can go and feel alone and safe with just yourself.

>>15409270
I'm not being helpful, but you should write a book about your life.
These posts have been interesting reading, reminding me of how much of a loser I am.

>>15409598
Don't worry, I intend to do just that

And behind the scenes someone said "he's overreacting again what do we do? Probably just ignore him, who will send the message this time?"

>>15409762
And by saying he feels his privacy is being invaded, he indirectly also means to stab at us, and we should make him even more mad, whilst at the same time remaining vague and dangling the possibility that none of this is real in front of his face, until he starts flailing in random directions and then we call him crazy, in turn making him doubt his own sanity again and again, thinking what a terrible person he must really be, that he deserves to feel like this and we were always in the right, and grab the slightest opportunity with both hands to make him feel like a worthless dumbass, barely good enough to make a meme out of. Thats how much we care

>>15409852
What if I told you that we will stop right now and would never bother you again? Would you believe it?

>>15405264
Today I hate her again and don't want to leave and get COVID. Thinking of canceling the ticket and breaking things off. Wish I wasn't so delusional.

>>15409852
But he's a sociopath, he doesnt have feelings, his mind is just blank all day long so you can just say whatever and it wont affect him

>>15409881
No, not in the least

>>15409931
Believe anything you say after 5 months of this shit? Haha

>>15409762
>>15409852
>>15409881
>>15409922
>>15409931
>>15409947
wtf is going on here

>>15409852
See id like to be on friendly terms with everyone, but when i feel ive been wronged in such a disgusting way for so long, its very hard to find a reason to trust, let alone like other people

>>15409973
Me venting about how it feels to have your privacy invaded by someone you definitely do not know and is just some random guy on the chans whilst still somehow knowing about little personal details they couldve never gotten any other way than through eavesdropping conversations inside the house youve lived in for 20 years that now feels like a public square with all my vulnerabilities and insecurities scattered along for any passers by to come and look through

>>15401400
the person I love most and have continued loving through all my other relationships will never love me the same way and I know this love is damaging to me and my relationships with other people but cannot rid myself of it and move on

everything else in my life since I met and knew this person relates in orbit to them, I am completely obsessed and aware of how destructive this obsession is but unable to stop it.

Last week I broke off my last fuckbuddy because she began to have feelings, knowing she probably felt how I did with the subject in question

urge to do the gram of MD I still have has only gone down but it's staring at me from the shelf

>>15401400
I'm stuck, don't feel like doing anything that might lead to improvement of self.

I feel like I'm currently in limbo. I get my exam results next month and I feel like only if I do well will I be worthy and should improve myself. My reasoning is, why should I improve myself if I might be proven a failure next month anyway?
I'm trying to snap out of it but it makes doing nothing really easy.

I really hope I do well in the exam so I can move on with my life, I've taken it twice already.

I'm going to get my tongue pierced.

This isnt gonna improve anything, but i need this out of my system. I remember most of what happened again i think. It started with that awful comment that got deleted, and something with a black saturn cap a day later or so. From that point onward i was aware of what was going on, so i can technically be held accountable for everything after that, which is a lot. I cant blame it all on mental illness either, cause there were definitely real emotions and i was aware what i was doing a lot of the time, so much so i can remember it now. I never took any drugs or alcohol, that was just a dumb excuse to justify when i regretted something i did the previous night. I started slacking more and more, never studied and turned in assignments right on the deadline. The guilt over everything i was doing just kept on growing and i started feeling worse and worse until i just snapped and started saying i wanna kill myself. Ive never felt worse than those days after christmas, when i realized i was gonna fail everything and id basically manipulated someone into chokehold. Thinking about it now i cant imagine how i was able to act like nothing was going on around my family. It sort of faded to the background after everything that happened, but a lot of my guilt is justified, id say. It certainly escalated out of my control, but that doesnt mean i cant be held accountable for starting this. Shit

How I long for the day when men were men and pansies were flowers

>>15401400
my balls are so swollen and tender that I struggle to sleep since I can't lay down comfortably, and eating is becoming a chore as the pain makes me nauseous. Walking is starting to get hard. It's weird because the ultrasound and urine tests came back fine, but I can definitely feel a swollen band on one ball, and whenever I "pull in" there's another hard line/band (I have to assume it is a vein) that becomes painful and runs into my abdomen. I just want this pain to be over. It's one of the worst physical experiences I've had in quite some time. I really hope I'll still be able to have kids.

>>15401400
Just realized I was simping for her

>>15411572
I love you anon, praying for you. Do you have painkillers at least?

>>15411384
Are you me??? I failed the bar exam twice, and my third time has been moved due to covid. The fact is that you will still be alive with goals and aspirations after you receive your failure grade or passing grade. Friends who passed still come to me for writing advice and my boss still has me do a lot of the work that a lawyer does. I've been trying my best to cut down on distraction, to read more, to workout more, to eat less and consume less vapid media. I believe in you anon.

>>15411582
I've been taking them on occasion but I hate the idea of being reliant on pills for basic daily function. It's put my sleep schedule into a retarded oscillation between 14 hours and 4 hours of sleep, and my diet is whatever I can force myself to eat. I hate the fact that the initial tests returned nothing, since I'm not sure what other obvious conditions there are.

>>15411467
Thats the thing that keeps bugging me, the fact that i was able to become so detached from my emotions i could do stuff like that. Ive done similar things in the past, never taking responsibility for it afterward cause i saw it as a type of depersonalization. But i can remember exactly how i felt in those moments, i go into apathy and act out whatever impulse comes to mind, then afterwards id spend the next days just horrified over what id done cause i have a really strong conscience. Im really worried its gonna happen again in the future, and a large part of everything im struggling with is me getting haunted by my conscience surrounding these things ive done all throughout my life. On the other hand, when im in touch with my emotions they can become overwhelmingly strong, making it pretty much impossible to be reliable and stable enough to have a decent relationship or even friendship. Im so scared for the future

I am just pissing content into an infinite void of indifference

>>15411760
love u bud

>>15411771
ty

>>15411590
thanks anon, it made me almost cry to see someone going through the same stuff as me

I'm not sure, our mindsets are very different. For me, this test means everything because I studied for over 6 months for it this time, put my all into it, had friends, family rooting for me. After I came back from the exam I was distraught with my performance, and I told myself I would have to kill myself if I get a bad grade.
I really feel like I might follow through with that, it just pains me so deeply that working so hard is not going to pay off for anything, even though I like to think about myself as a decently smart guy with a good work ethic, I feel wrongly done, I really don't deserve this.

I really feel helpless, this whole thing feels like a hurdle I can't pass when so many others have done so before me, it just makes me feel fucking helpless

It seems to me that almost all of our societal problems stems from two main human tendencies:
1. No one believes anything adverse will happen to them
2. No one cares about problems until they're personally affected

>>15411806
Oh anon, I guess I should have explained more to how I got here. I graduated in may last year. I spent 8 hours a day studying until the test in july. Had to wait 14 weeks to find out I failed, by 8 points out of 1000, by less than 1% I failed, in that 14 week time I had got a big law job at a firm in a sky scraper. I sure learned a lot there, but every morning I wanted to kill myself, like legit, had never had such a distraught horrid feeling in my life than waking up to know I had to go to the job where everyone in the office hated me or was passive aggressive, I had no one telling me how to improve, spending 9 hours a day there only to bill 7, but 8 hours a day billable was expected. Eventually they stopped giving me work and when I couldn't hit hours I got fired, this was a few days after I learned I failed the bar exam. For the next month I felt relieved by the job, but the hate and anger and willingness to jump of said skyscraper turned into a depression in which I couldn't do a thing. I watched all of Legend of the Galactic hero. Eventually bills started piling up, so I signed up for the exam again and got a new job, doing the same thing, but for a solo guy who actually helps me and needs me, I was finally starting to feel better, I was working part time and studying part time. I was not only in school debt but debt from having to take the test again and all that, things were finally starting to look up. I went to take the test and spent another 14 weeks waiting for it and working. This time I failed by less than 2%. This time the emotional shock wasn't anger or sadness, it was a malaise of abstraction, of freedom and disappointment, a robotic sensation. I'm still working, trapped in my house from covid, reading my back log and struggling with ideas of how I learn, what I learn, how I justify my actions, how my subconscious and habits effect my daily routine. I have been slowly deconstructing everything in my mind and in my environment trying to find out why I am not good enough at every turn, but this meta-journey has started to feel fulfilling. Instead of going out with friends and drinking I've been reading way more. I don't know anon, people are dying out there, governments and institutions are grabbing for power, the world continues to turn, and this test is just a small part of it. A year getting in, three years being there, and a year and a half to hopefully eventually pass this test just seems like an abstract decision I made and it doesn't really seem like there's much better to do with my skill set now.

>>15411856
This is why reading fiction is important. Empathy can be learned, empathy leads to helping each other and working together.

>>15411908
fiction improves your empathy?

>>15412052
Books provide a medium of understanding another person in a deeper way than you’ll ever understand any of your friends or family. The ability to know the thoughts, put the shoes on of others, understand the context of their deeds or actions, all develop empathy. There’s some brain scan test people did, but I’m too lazy to look it up.

>>15411896
I hope we both make it anon.

I have always been emotionally needy. I need acceptance and I need others to care about me. This need made me feel intoxicated when I had a social life and blinded me to the asymmetry of my relationships. All relationships are asymmetrical. One party always treats the relationship with a greater importance. I wish I had realized the degree of the difference before I lost all of my friends. Maybe its a question of: were they really my friends in the first place? Or did I just think they were?

Asymmetry in relationships is an interesting and tragi-comical idea. I want to read more about it.

>>15412339
Interpersonal Communication: Everyday Encounters by Julia Wood

I have a full time job and live on my own but I’m basically a NEET. I never leave the house. I don’t even exercise anymore.

>>15412339
For one to be a true friend, there must be perfect symmetry. Aristotle was right about at least this

>>15412403
You should exercise some anon. I just did some planks and some knee pushups and some other stuff. I feel way better rn.

>>15401400
How do you start writing? I have so many ideas in my head for things I want to write but it's so hard to put it down on paper.

>>15412403
That's no way to live amigo.

>>15412420
If things aren't just coming out, then get a piece of paper and do some mind mapping. You need to figure out how to structure your ideas into some frame that you can then fill the gaps in with writing. Like start with an idea in the middle of the paper, circle it, then spider out other ideas.

What if every time you had a close call with death, time splits and there really is another timeline where you died? I just found my nightstand lamp’s cord halfway melted from a candle that heated a copper cup next to it. The lamp is usually always on. If it was real, then I guess old people would eventually pass, or maybe there’s a place young people aren’t allowed to go where everyone is old and weak but they don’t die. This thought pops into my head a lot. Any time I have a close call like the lamp. I sort of entertain the idea of my death for a while and imagine what things would be like if I wasn’t here.

>>15412470
I had a fan in my room start on fire late at night. I awoke to smell it burning.

I had a Physics teacher that said that something like that happens whenever we make a decision except that we would never have any knowledge of where reality split. The real question is what is the original reality? Or is there an original reality where everything split from?

>>15412522
Can any of the other timelines truly be, as in existence? Are we sharing the same one?

>>15412470
>>15412522
Yeah its the parallel worlds theory, and the one where 'decisions' split new realities is in the realm of quantum mechanics.

>>15412564
So is it possible you’ve died many times in other worlds?

>>15412470
I almost fell down the stairs in a completely retarded manner yesterday. I don't want to believe there is a universe where that is how I die

I haven't purchased a book in three months and the desire is getting hard to suppress. I even tried ordering something online but the order was canceled because the seller couldn't get supplies

>>15412564
>Yeah its the parallel worlds theory, and the one where 'decisions' split new realities is in the realm of quantum mechanics.

Why would realities choose to split at these 'decisions' and not just arbitrarily?

>>15412591
ebay bitch

>>15412628
Most of the things I want to buy are only listed by overseas sellers which worries me because it may take literal months to get here.

I'm so glad I was born. Nothing had to be this way, but here I am. Thanks for giving me this opportunity; I think more than anything I want to be heard (or maybe I'm just assuming a precious tone 'cause I was handed a mic... who knows).
In other news, I am discovering more and more that my love is shallow and that I'm paper thin. I want to give her everything, but there's part of me that I can't give her, even when she asks, even when I tell her it's hers... It's my fault for choosing my own definition for the word 'love'.

I have traversed the arctic desert. Here, in the dead of May, have mapped the icecapped scapulae of your turned back with my own jealous-grey gaze. Furtive fingertips and well-worn icepicks out here in the tundra, and nothing to glean from my exploits but my own frigid breath puffing out into the useless air. This isn't a bargain. There's no debt to be paid, nothing of blood in the snow, nothing of broken fingernails against a sheer cliff - but the weight of expectation is crippling on its own.

Is this true?

>>15401467
Rimbaud?

>>15412470
Some guy at Joe Rogan's talked about an app that splits relaity. First you enter your future alternatives and in the future you choose one, thus creating another timeline. You could write a novel about that senior age timeline.

I will be vindicated

>>15401607
Try starting by considering how many people need to ask themselves this shit every day. You know what people laughed at when I saw Joker in my state? The fucking midget joke. And it's not really a joke anyone makes, it just comes to fruition in the film I guess. He's cornered by the Joker, and he's too short to open the lock and get away. And before the Joker just opens the lock for him, the audience thinks this is the fucking peak of comedy. The short guy's gonna die. But then when the Joker shoot some white american talkshow host amd makes a quip, dead silence. I'm not religious, but from my perspective, these people are all going to hell. Not even god could love them, yet somehow it's my fucking job anyways. But ask the same of them, and what they think of sinners? "Ah who gives a fuck, God'll sort em out."

>>15401607
Try starting by considering how many people need to ask themselves this shit every day. You know what people laughed at when I saw Joker in my state? The fucking midget joke. And it's not really a joke anyone makes, it just comes to fruition in the film I guess. He's cornered by the Joker, and he's too short to open the lock and get away. And before the Joker just opens the lock for him, the audience thinks this is the fucking peak of comedy. The short guy's gonna die. But then when the Joker shoots some white american talkshow host and makes a quip, dead silence. I'm not religious, but from my perspective, these people are all going to hell. Not even god could love them, yet somehow it's my fucking job anyways. But ask the same of them, and what they think of sinners? "Ah who gives a fuck, God'll sort em out."

women this, woman that, i just wish these faggot baiters could shut the fuck up about their obsession

>>15413518
if they hate women so much why can't they stop talking about them 24/7

if you hate women so much why don't you just marry one

>>15413523
ahem. RENT FREE
same reason polfags wont shut up about gays or trannies or some other imaginary shit making up <1% of population but 90% of their thoughts
horseshoe theory is true, and the polar opposites just obsess about each other

I am a miserable wretch, aside from reading the only other escape for misery for me has been taking extremely long walks, if I had no work to do over the weekends, I could easily spend the whole day just walking about. But with this lockdown even that is gone

>>15413533
how about i put you in a wig and dress and marry you

>>15413542
OwO

>>15401400
i have to go to work tomorrow morning

>>15413568
Why are you still up then? Go to bed.

reading through deep work by cal new port, i’m 2 years behind in college and trying to build good work ethic and just finish.

this quarantine has been a light hell for me lately, i’m trapped with my family and they got a dog and it’s hard to read.

also can barely go for walks since my family home is near the city, and there is no nature to where i can relax.

also was considering paying a hooker to loose my virginity but she would probably laugh at my penis size and i have phimosis so it would probably not be enjoyable at all

>>15413585
>but she would probably laugh at my penis size
I don't think they're allowed to do that.

Though I suffered,
It was a glorious suffering.
A building of strength.

I now hold unlimited power.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VLkZvsp62iU

>>15413585
Try tinder

>>15413604
i live in in toronto and i’m a gigamanlet

>>15413623
You live in a big city so you’ll have plenty of women to choose from. Just find some that are five foot. They usually say so in their bio.

>>15413585
How bad is your phimosis? That shit usually fixes itself once you start having sex, for most normal cases.

>>15413632
>Just find some that are five foot.
He said he lives in Toronto, not Chernobyl.

>>15413636
Even when erect i can’t pull back the foreskin, should have done something when i was younger but parents never talked about. apparently there are steroid creams that fix it but i don’t know.

>>15413641
There’s more than you’d think

I'm happier than I have been in a while but it may just be a trick played by my emotions and not genuine happiness.

>>15413685
your world view is created by what you pay attention to

>>15413685
The confluence of emotion and mind is true happiness. Listen to what you suspect an illusion. Bring it into waking life.

WOW ANOTHER LE BIDEOGAMES ARE ART THREAD OMFG!!!!

>>15413683
It was a joke about people having five feet you silly-billy.

>>15413699
Fuck. I’ve revealed my midwitery

>>15413716
Don't feel bad it was a lame joke anyway.

Absolute Joy. To the point it frightens me

>>15413835
What's gotten you so joyful?

>>15409543
Bump

>>15413842
Success with women.
But that’s merely indicative of what’s to come.

Flowing mirth.
Bundled silk in my arms.

>>15413929
>But that’s merely indicative of what’s to come.
You're going to have a baby?

>>15413905
>Is ones psyche determined genetically / in a very early age
Absolutely not. Whoever says this hates life and wishes to bring others to their low level. Your psyche can vary infinitely provided you’re still conscious. That being said everyone has a path unique to them. But this path is no cold determinism, rather it is a seamless attunement to the universe’s unfolding that when in harmony with is pure bliss.

>>15413954
One day, yes. I was hinting more at the ambiguous possibilities I’ve invited into my life. I will bring to fruition that ones that thrill me.

>>15413971
*the ones

Ive noticed all throughout my life that whenever i get to know someone a bit better, there comes a certain point where they don't seem to know what to think of me. I keep drawing people in, gaining their trust, then pushing them away when they get too close. Ive spent so much time alone thinking stuff through that whenever someone tries to criticize even a small part of that i immediately become defensive, cause it's the only thing i have. But i dont just wanna live a life inside my own head, i want to be someone real, take care of someone else and start making sense to people instead of hiding from my emotions and needs in games, cause after a while it makes me feel like a robot going through the same motions every day without any real purpose apart from constantly getting slightly better at performing these motions just to see a number go up

>>15414450
And youre here sharing that on 4chan.org from your heated room people in other parts of the world would do anything to be in your situation and youre whining about seeing some usernames and video titles. gj man youve really made it in life

>>15414609
Why are you talking to yourself and being so hard on everything you think and feel? Dont you have anyone else to go to instead of posting into the void and responding to your own messages? Enjoy life man, the weather is nice, go grab your camera and go outside for once, instead of beating yourself up over things you cant control.

>>15401400
chinks need to go back

>>15414680
Just shut up, for 2 minutes, if only there were a mute button, youve caused me so much trouble, just do what youre fucking supposed to and stfu

>>15406029
>conform
Never thought of it that way. I wonder how social pressure could be a possible cause. Something I'll have to mull over