/lit/ - Literature

>wake up too early
>browse internet, drink coffee
>go to work
>do work
>day passed so quickly somehow
>leave at 5 pm on the dot
>reading a history book on my phone but I'm not totally in to it
>buy junk food on the way home; have a medium binge plus tendies
>waste entire evening on mindless internet browsing
>will go to gym soon to do cardio, despite being tired as fuck

It's so demoralising. I just lack the ability to do anything productive in my free time. It has totally left my mental vocabulary. I feel like since around 2014, all my "grip" on productivity has gone. The start of that year was the first I really noticed it, although it may have started earlier. I worry about being totally ineffective because I'm not a priority who finds stuff effortless. I worry that I am doomed to never do anything non-trivial and I'm incapable of creativity and how everything I do is just a linear combination of existing stuff. I can't bear working hard on stuff when other people are enjoying life and getting everything handed to them. But as an ugly male, it will be the only way I can do anything fulfilling, so hopefully tomorrow is the day things change.

There is no way I can trick myself in to believing in any heuristic for life. The Kierkegaard quote about constant regret is so true it hurts.

I talked to a qt at work today (for work purposes) and it was so pathetic how much my mood was lifted. Although I did see a girl I described a few days ago as a Stacey / qt hybrid and she was mogged by the girls she was with. That's karma for her thinking she's better than me.

I bought an electric heater for my flat and it's like I've just discovered fire.