/lit/ - Literature

>>14023516
a girl

>>14023538
damn bro, i'm sorry. hope it isn't too bad

I'm lost. I have no ambition, no friends, and no loved ones. I hate school, but feel obligated to finish. I won't be in debt, but have no desire to work in any capacity. I'd be happy being a mortician, but as I finished a degree in Computer Science I feel obligated to get a coding job that has shitty hours, shitty co-workers, and requires superficial social eticies that I can't stand. I also despise coding and the people that do it/tech ceos and startups. It's cancerous and makes humanity stupid and weak. All I do is read, but it's so loud in my house that that is hard to do. I want to move out from my parents, but need to get a job first. Some girl wrote me a letter confessing she loved me etc., and I told her not to text me anymore. I try not to pity myself, but I feel like there's nothing to strive for in this world and all the mystery is gone. The one girl I love is in Ireland, I met her once, but I never got her number. My life is worthless and will probably kill myself within 10 years. The only thing that keeps me alive is my joy in reading and writing plus the belief that I will write a novel that I enjoy one day. I think fame is stupid, because most literary critics are cackling seals that don't even believe half of what they're saying.

>>14023516
a boy

>>14023516
i enjoy this picture a lot. I enjoy this one female friend a lot. I enjoy the sparks she ignites in my soul with her glittering smile. I enjoy the galaxy eyes and casual talk. I mourn the nights I sleep without you, I mourn the mornings your not by my side. I want your pure and simple fragrance after a sweaty morning, I want you to feel in calm comfort around me when looking your absolute worst. I really just want you to feel happy falling asleep in my arms. I can imagine, just as what happens to most women, the day your beauty runs dry, and even then I'll still feel warmth in my heart with you near. If you gifted me a amputated limb I would hold it close day and night. I can find pleasure watching you sleep, the slow exhales and deep inhales, cute little breathing.

Normally I feel terrible, but every now and then I feel an emotion I can't really describe. I become suddenly incredibly empathetic and wistful, but its not painful, its actually quite blissful. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Is it just some undiagnosed mental illness?

>>14023542
dude. As someone who's been locked in to the same shitty job fof 5 years now. follow your desire to be a mortician. please. do it for someone who cant follow his dreams.

>>14023516
God. Is there a better painter than Rousseau? Seriously. Any reccs?

>>14023561
Euphoria?

>>14023542
I also feel like I'm dull and have nothing of interest to say, but the insipid psycho-analyzing of me to the point where I'm a narcissistic villain and society is correct in every and I must adapt-- the general hackneyed advice of accepting things for what they are is unsufficing and I think religion may be the answer, but it's not so much a lack of faith or accepting God's will as life itself and me myself. I generally dislike myself and think I'm a mistake in a lot of ways.

>>14023563
Yeah, this weirdo.

>>14023540
you don’t want to know

>>14023562
That would certainly shake me out of my rut, but I would have wasted all of this money of my parent's on college to insure some grandiose high-paying job and I'd feel guilty the rest of my life as a mortician does make a lot of money once they become a funeral director, but really only requires a high school degree and mortuary school. Nevertheless, I'll talk to them about it soon. Where do you work though??

>>14023561
Yeah I have this. You're just so numb and in such despair that your body can't handle it and releases dopamine to counteract that internal stagnation.

>>14023542
My uncle became a mortician after a life time as a trucker and he seems pretty happy with the career change.

>>14023594
Yeah I'd probably be a lot happy in a philosophical sense as I'd feel generally accepted. I just despise bureaucracy and the highly socialized types that fill those institutions. The Jewish verbal IQ people.

>>14023576
Ah yes I am a fan I like the image of the girl with a crab. However this isn’t the same as a Rousseau painting. He never even saw the jungle. Incredible

>>14023516
If I write what's on my mind it won't be special anymore. The thoughts will have spread to someone else to judge and to imitate. So I have to be careful about what I tell 4channel.

Suffice to say I've really come out of my shell lately and have been talking to girls and inviting them places. One of them is really immature, infantile almost, but so pretty. It's such a shame that she's an emotional retard. One disappeared, I don't know what happened to her. Maybe she ran out of money for school? The third is I think maybe into me but she's also really young and dresses like Ally Sheedy in the breakfast club. I felt compelled to give her a real genuine compliment but I don't think she heard me. I would like to know her better, she's got brains. And the fourth is a tomboy with a pride parade flag who is so friendly and talking to her is so natural, I've enjoyed talking to her every time we run into each other. I've also made some guy acquaintances and they're okay but I don't know if I'd hang out with any of them but one who is a bit nerdy and a friend of the girl who disappeared. All these people seem so much better adjusted than I was at their age. Being a recovered mental case fucking sucks.

>>14023516
Lochyrn flicked his spoon back into the pot.
"This mash isn't worth shit," he said. The long wooden spoon landed in the potato mush with a thwack, blowing starch shrapnel into the air.
"Isn't worth trash," Mundan said.
"What?" Lochryn reached forward, releasing a pinch of salt. He began to stir.
"'This mash isn't worth trash.' It rhymes that way." He licked his own spoon in broad strokes.

And then there's the dusky girl with the beautiful eyes and charming smile and houndstooth. She seems really friendly but I don't know how to talk to her, maybe just walk up and confirm her name. But what's the fucking point. Fucking? I'm not going to marry her, or anyone, in the next few years. And she's young like the rest of them so any of them will most likely move on to someone their own age eventually.

Fucking wasted years man.

>>14023516
Working a job in sales and nothing in life prepared me for this shit. All my years of negative socializing (stoner pals, cynical family members, etc.) is slapping me in the face while the whole time my superiors are hounding me to close deals and telling me about how they sold a zillion units right when they entered the workforce bla bla bla. At least i have a finance degree so i can transition. Besides that, I'm starting to like literature for its own sake rather than intellectual posturing. Glad I discovered harold bloom

Why do I feel much better and refreshed if I go to bed late and get up early rather than going to bed early and also getting up early?

>make twitter account
>get flagged right away for "suspicious behaviour"
>not to worry, all I have to do to unlock my account is verify my full name and mobile phone number after completing a captcha disclosing that both twitter and google will retain and use my information
>email them several times to get around it
>they send me automated and clearly numbered steps to identify and deanonymize myself each time
these niggas really don't like anonymity

>>14023516
>write what's on your mind
I was a small boy and a new family moved next door. I had never met black people before, so my dad took me over to greet them. I rang the doorbell, and a little black boy opened the door. I pointed at him and said: "Look dad he’s made of shit!" My dad grabbed me by the neck and lifted me up and screamed: "You will not embarrass me in front of the neighbors you little shit!" The little black boy got scared and ran away. My dad dropped me and chased after him into the house saying: "Wait don’t run my son is just retarded!" A black man came into the room and shouted: "What are you doing in my house?" My dad slapped me across the face and said: "This little piece of shit called your son a piece of shit." The black man said: "My son is a piece of shit, too." My dad and the black man high-fived each other. I asked the black man: "Why didn’t you flush your son when he was born?" My dad picked me up by the neck again and slammed my head against the wall and screamed: "Don’t talk shit about my friends!" I said: "Dad you're choking me I can’t breathe!" Dad said: "Don’t talk back to me you little shit!" And he used his other hand to punch me in the face. A black woman came in the room and said: "Oh my god stop abusing that poor child!" My dad said: "I’ve been trying to abort him since the beginning. I’m still trying." The woman said: "Get out or I’m calling the cops!" The man said: "But you do that to our son when he leaves the toilet seat up." The woman punched the man in the face. The man punched the woman in the face. My dad punched me in the face and said: "Look what you did you little shit you made the neighbors angry!" The black boy came downstairs and cried. The man said: "I didn’t raise a faggot!" And then he kicked the boy out of the window like a football. The woman screamed: "I’m going to get the gun and shoot you both with it!" Dad threw me out the window and he and the man ran out of the house. I landed on the black boy so I had sex with him.

>>14023516
I wish this board was useful for finding new literature to read.

I just cried. I just typed so fucking much and then my comp glitched from 4chans goddamn giant fucking ads and I lost my post. Just as well Im always yelling into the fucking ether on here

>>14024071
it is, if you know how to use it

>>14024077
why aren't you using adblock in current year +4?

>>14024025
I chuckled

I'm honestly not sure what to think about climate change? Is it real but exaggerated by the media, special interests, activist groups, etc.? Is the planet seriously going to enter a period of irreparable damage within a few decades if we don't "act" now?

It's hard to know where to find sources to trust on this. I know there are a lot of scientific studies but the issues has become politicized beyond belief so I'm automatically very skeptical. Anyone relate?

>>14023561
Does music play a large role during these brief moments?

>>14023516
Hungover
>>14023542
I somewhat identify
>>14023555
Teenaged
>>14023561
Read Moby-Dick
>>14023569
*psychoanalyzing
*every way
Hackneyed is awkward but I can't put my finger on why.
"life itself and me myself" is a good turn of phrase
>>14023619
You're doing good, anon
>>14023782
Oversleeping is a thing
>>14024071
Read Mount Analogue
>>14025047
Why risk it?

>>14025047
The philosopher in me looks askance at the suggestion of "scientific consensus." Scientifically speaking in itself this is a scientifically meaningless concept. There used to be a scientific consensus about now abandoned theoretical constructs as phlogiston, aether, phrenology, etc. While consensus also abounds for true theories, it goes to show that consensus alone is nothing to stand on. Then of course is the data, the inexorable graphs of temperatures trending upward over the decades, the time lapses of the icecaps melting, the sea level measurements and atmospheric readings. The data is the data, and does point to a world that is getting warmer on average. However, using that data to make an inference to imminent world-destruction, something that has never happened before in the history of the world based on data that has never been replicated, is the shoddiest and riskiest kind of induction.

Scientific consensus means very little, as the scientific community can be self-deceiving. Data stands on its own, and does not necessitate any single extrapolation. Predictions based on climate extending decades into the future are laughably insecure and poorly founded and lean more on hysteria than science. A true scientist would have to admit we don't really know what will happen because it's never happened before, and there's no telling what sort of self-correcting mechanisms might surprise us (arctic greening for instance).

The bigger threat should not be climate change but ecocide. Exhausting of the world's fisheries, destruction of the rainforest and its precious biodiversity and value to science and medicine, pollution of aquifers, we will just as soon destroy the our own means of survival before we roast the planet.

>>14025047
Allow me to redpill you: this palaver is because temperatures are going to rise once we stop polluting. Man made aerosols cool the earth, and without planes putting water vapour in the sky, without factories belching out airborne carbon, without spray on deodorants fucking up the atmosphere, things are going to get weird. The rise of hurricanes in the Atlantic and their increasingly east formation, scientists attribute that to the reduction of human aerosols since the 1970s. When 9/11 grounded flights, world temperatures rose by more than a degree. That's in three days of no contrails blocking out the sun. It might have continued if we didn't put the planes back. Climates are moving, so places which once had rainy season no longer have it and places that have no dry season suddenly get blistering heatwaves, and some of it is climate change from human intervention (we both warm and cool the Earth to an unknown degree), but some of it also the Earth is changing its orientation and so seasons will move as the poles face different angles of the sun.
What the big push to acknowledge it now is in part about is because once we stop polluting in this fashion because we run out of stuff to blot out the sun, we will experience a lot of sudden changes. People will blame it on polluting, but stopping polluting would bring about catastrophic change as well. Regardless of human input, the planet is changing too, so even if we could manage pollution to keep some kind of stasis, that will influence weather and seasonal daylight, potentially more than the human risks. We might find Siberia to be very comfy and France to be far too cold because of that, even if you take out the complex human factors.
Global problems like this are too out of reach to truly fix. If you want to insulate yourself from them, start considering how you can relate to your more immediate environment and develop ways of surviving there regardless of other factors. Be observant of changes that relate to your future: some of them might be beneficial (you might be able to grow a wider range of crops) while others might be detrimental (your local reservoir might get beavers), but they are more important to know about than the broader issues.

>>14025047
Oh yeah, I'm of the same mind as you on this. Cynical. Between big companies grandstanding by cutting like 6.3% of plastic packaging over 100 years, or startups claiming to be saviours of the planet if you only fund their "as seen on tv" tier contraptions, I find very little to trust. But I also work in heavy industry, and let me tell you the flabby devil of our own laziness and stupidity is rapidly fucking up things that cannot easily be unfucked.

I don't like people.

>>14025047
>>14025139
>>14025167
Another way of looking at it is given enough time the earth will eventually enter an inhospitable state for humans. It has been frozen over under miles of ice, it has erupted everywhere with volcanos for thousands of years on end, has been covered completely by water and so on. About 55.5 million years ago was the Paleocene–Eocene Thermal Maximum event, was the closest analogue to current climate trends. And this was the event that gave rise to mammals, our ancestors. Many species went extinct but many others took their place, in an ever shifting and insuppressible back and forth.
The question then becomes if we can avoid one of these catastrophic shifts in climate within a meaningful span of time for civilization.

The Paleocene–Eocene Thermal Maximum did not destroy the world, but it also pumped out a small fraction of the giga-tons of carbon that human industry pumps out (.2 versus 10) and took 20,000 years and increased by 6 degrees Celsius (meanwhile scientists warn a 3 degree increase is the end of all things) . Who knows how to use this information to calculate if our current trajectory translates in proportion, but the world certainly didn't end last time it got very warm.

I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not consulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is from spite. My liver is bad, well--let it get worse!

I'm hunglee.

The notion of cosmic irony fascinates me. It may be mere coincidence but the way the universe sometimes constellates itself after we say something, make a boast, and conspires in mockery of it makes me wonder. It's as if something is "listening in." And yet what of all those other times when nothing happens? It could just be chance, but when it lines up, it seems too perfect to be a mere happenstance.

I'm too damn polite. Nobody respects politeness.

My dream is to move to Japan, then meet a qt japanese girl while hiking some remote mountain and start a romantic relationship with her before eventually getting married and moving to her family's old countryside house.

>>14023516
anime titties

>>14025047
It's going to be worse than poltard deniers think but not as bad as hysterical liberals think. The poor equatorial regions are going to get even more fucked over by droughts and water supply issues than they already are. Weather will generally be worse everywhere and typhoons and shit will become stronger and more common. There's also a non-zero chance enough positive feedback loops will occur (eg, melting snow literally reduces the amount of light the planet reflects causing it to warm even more) which could lead to more apocalyptic conditions. But even then there are things that can be done, they're kinda retarded like having to seed clouds constantly or firing a trillion dollars worth of tiny mirrors into the lagrande point, but it should be enough to stop the worst of it. Personally I think once the interests of global capital start to be seriously and directly effected there'll be a massive mitigation campaign and everyone will forget about it in fifty years.

>>14026165
nice

One Hundred Years of Solitude

fuck me I NEED to make some friends. seeing some people I knew from high school twice a year just isn't cutting it anymore. maybe I'll join a sports club or something.

America should use the metric system instead of being retards. Also Americans should stop being retards.

>>14026204
It's a charming bit of irony that both the profiteers of the fossil fuel system (oil producing countries) and deniers (southern retards) will be the ones to feel the worst of it. Qatar has already resorted to the Sisyphean effort of air-conditioning outdoor spaces in an effort to counteract extremes of heat. I'll relish watching Saudi Arabia melt.

>>14023516
I need to take a shower. I don't like taking showers. They waste my time, and I don't got time to be wasting time on slowpokes. I don't like getting out of the shower either, at least my senses are protected in the shower, water can't alienate me, going outside will. I'm tired of feeling that. Any good books on alienation?

Just prayed to the gods. My ritual is a bit dressed down at the moment, I hope to make my offering ritual a bit more rich. I thought about using candles, but that seems a bit dangerous to me. I also thought about some kind of incense, but I don't know where to get it. Oh well, that'll be something for next week. May the gods bless everyone in this thread

The only way for me to prosper is to move forward into unknown. However if i'd find happiness - i would come to realization that i've been wrong for the longest time by isolating myself and overthinking things. It would be too much shame for me to handle.

I have a sneaking suspicion that people on this board spend more time on 4chan than they do reading.

feeling melancholic / sad likely due to end of the year gloominess. reading brothers karamazov. I really like alyosha so far and even his father though he's a fool but kind of funny.

>>14027145
autumn melancholia?

I went out with my best friend last night. We went to see a play, and it was enjoyable, but it's bittersweet to be around her. I love her endlessly, but she doesn't feel the same way. It's a terrible feeling, feeling that one's soulmate is so close, yet very distant at once. I even had a dream about her in which I vowed to love her despite any flaws she might have, it's maddening.

I'm happy my poorly written thread reached someone (even if it's only him in about 3 hours) and had an positive impact. Unfortunately, that's not so common in /lit/.

>>14027153
I suppose. It's dark outside all the time and it worsens my depression. It's fine though it happens every year and I'm used to it. Is this what you mean?

Almost everything in this thread is unimaginably cringe worthy. Can the mods nuke this thread just to save us all the embarrassment?

>>14023516
I turned 26 today. I am a dopamine addict. I plan on creating a 4 year plan for myself. Where does one start when reading philosophy? Thus Spoke Zarathustra and Beyond Good and Evil seem too deep for me at the moment. I was thinking start with Plato and work through the Greeks.

>>14027192
Yeah.

>>14027218
>already 26
>going to read the greeks instead of doing something tangible about their life
this board is a living meme

>>14023516
I'm fully aware that I've been screwing up my life and even though I'm aware of the specific change I'll have to make for the better, I know I won't, will live pointlessly and just neck myself once my mom dies.
At least I can enjoy some books and media along the way.

>>14027215
It's a sincere thread. Honest speech is very cringe worthy. I like having a place to it, it shouldn't be pruned.

>>14027215
Sometimes it's nice to have a place to vent.

>>14027303
What are you talking about? I just want to spend less time on my phone and more reading. My life is otherwise reasonably good.

>>14027303
What are you talking about? I just want to spend less time on my phone and more reading.
My life is otherwise reasonably good.

>>14027315
Im facing the same problem. I rationally understand the problems in my life but i wont improve them. Also suicide after parents death.

>>14025238
based underground man

>>14027320
Basically this. One should be able to express some sincerity from time to time without irony and bullshit. There plenty of threads for that.

Why did you make me repugn you, Catherine? We could've had such a great relationship! I could have made you Tsarina of all Russians! How wretched a creature could you be, that you would take Chad's dick over such a title?

>>14023538
no girl

I'm an idiot.

What is the quickest way to commit suicide without a firearm?

>>14028106

>>14028112
firstly, don't kill yourself. secondly, be aware that helium is often sold as a mix with other gasses (often to discourage exactly this)

Why does everybody on here want to kill themselves so bad?

>>14028161
4chan is a premature retirement home. We come here to die.

>>14024025
Based and redpilled

For the past few years I’ve had bouts of despair, and this feeling of hopelessness and the only times I didn’t have them was when I was playing sports, working out, or being with friends. But yeah the time I spend alone would be either on the internet, or feeling sorta blackpilled and angry.

That changed when I met this girl a few weeks ago, and she’s really pretty, nice, and whatnot. We spend a lot of time together and we enjoy each other’s company, and now I am starting to develop these feelings for her that I’ve never had before. I really care for her and it’s the first time I’ve felt like this.

And for the first time, I feel so optimistic about the future. I just know that I’ve found the one, and I think she feels the same way. I’m in love, for the first time in my life and I can see an entire future together.

I can see us walking hand in hand through the city and parks, spending time alone just having fun conversations, and one day holding our newborn baby in our arms. I can then see us sitting on a front porch under a sunny sky while our grandchildren run around and play.

>>14023576
Williams-Bouguereau was a weirdo?

>>14023563
I like Ernst.

Told people in a Musk thread on /sci/ how shitty Musk was and was told I was being ANTIFA and belong on /lit/. Praxis.

>>14025238
Literally me

>>14028499
If you really think this is the one, please for fuck's sake hold on to her, make her feel special every single day you're together and never ever take her for granted. You don't want to be someone who's had it and lost it.

>>14026384
i read this in french two weeks ago.
what an amazing book.

>>14028538
Praxis check.

>>14028170
i've been coming here for 13 years and i'm still alive. what terrible things does it say about me?

>>14028538
based

>>14028538
Yeah I saw that, was baffling. Do people believe /lit/ is antifa? If anything this board is teeming with the exact people antifa are anti about.

I'm in love with a 7 years old girl and I plan on kidnapping her and forcing her to love me!

Tinder really fucking sucks. I keep getting matchs with cuties and then I just stare at their pictures thinking: what should I say? The thing is, most of the time I'm not even interested on them, I just happened to download Tinder on a moment of pure boredom and then got a match. And now what? Go for small talk? Funny punchlines? Jokes? Ugh. Living on a small city only makes it worse, I pretty much "know" all those girls - I mean, I already saw them on Uni, bars or on the street. When I used to live on a larger city I used to send really random stuff to girls there and sometimes it worked. Now I can't do that because they probably are friends with some of my friends friends and I don't want to make a fool of myself. Ugh. I know all of these is just bullshit, but it's part of a larger thing, right? Why did I made a Tinder account? Boredom & loneliss. Internet provides a way for us to kill or boredom and or loniless but most of the time it just doesn't work and we ended up feeling more isolated. If we didn't had things like Tinder, we would force ourselfes to find someone, but because we have these things, we just keep isolating ourselfes while thinking that is not a real problem, we can download those apps anytime and find someone - but we wont. Anyway, I'm a bit drunk on shitty wine, so I'm sorry for my ramblings.

>>14029091
Tinder is garbage, my friend. Delete that trash app and rid yourself of some mental anguish.

I have ambitions that I realize are hopelessly beyond me and just about everyone else who will ever walk the earth, but at the same time I can't abandon them without losing my reason for living.

In the end, I have to settle for the fact that I was born to suffer

>>14023516
>cntrl+f /sqt/: no results
anyway, is personal productivity objectively good?

Does Spinoza's Ethic's talk about stuff like this?

I'm currently writing an essay on the Iliad and wondering how in the world did I start using 4chan unironically despite being so disgusted by it for so long

>>14029139
or you can lose your reason for living and see what happens, maybe you'll find a new, better one and suffer less. at any rate, net suffering is probably reduced by doing this

Can I break out of this bubble I imagine for myself? I know I am a good man with a good heart and a healthy mind; I value virtue and self accountability above all else with a deep appreciation for others and life in itself. However, the people of my past will not allow me to let go of what I was, and therefore I must let them go; this is much easier said than done when these individuals are my ailing parents who now depend on me. Why do I have to love them so?

>>14029198
what is your problem, faggot? you don't like your dying parents and wanna bail?

filthy nigger

>>14023516
I'm afraid for my future. It is truly in my own hands, but my hands suck. It's hard to see how it would work out in a satisfying way. Most likely I'll continue being the person I've always been, and have little more than what I've already had. Meanwhile everything that I'd wish for or admire seems to lie beyond what I'm likely willing to work for. I'm just a lifeless bum, soon I'll be a lifeless bum with a BA in philosophy and no resume.

>>14029214
I never said they are dying, but they are ill. Frankly: yes, I want to walk away and get the chance to actually live my own life but feel terribly guilty for even considering it.

>>14025055
Yes. I was listening to Rachmaninoff and I had an overwhelming urge to cry. Are you me?

I wish I had a girlfriend to commit crimes and rob people with. Everyone's a bunch of moronic pussies. They have it coming.

>>14029384
you seem like one of those sheltered people who likes the idea of being bold

My sister cut all ties with my family about three months ago after gradually ignoring them over the course of this calendar year. She refuses to talk to them, and only uses me as a line of communication, that is, when it is convenient for her to respond. She blames my parents for her anxiety issues, and has started going to a psychologist. At this point, it doesn't matter who is at fault for what anymore. The only thing I am certain of is that I've learned to get over whatever childhood/adolescent misfortune I've lived through, and to forgive my parents for the circumstances of my upbringing. She's chosen another method, and that is to remove herself from the entire situation completely. My parents are taking this split the worst, initially being furious and acting how all concerned parents usually act. Then they both slowly sunk into a depression, my mother being the one who is taking it the hardest. Recently her deep sadness has become even more visible after my sister skipped out on her birthday without saying a word. She promised to be there, and never showed up. My mother cries nearly every single time I talk to her, and I've been speaking to her every day since. She's written letters for my sister, but does not want to send any of them out of despair. My father on the other hand, I can see he's in pain, but I've never been able to fully read him. He hides his emotions well.
I spoke to her through text message for the first time in the past month and she seemed to not really care about the emotion state of the family. She said, and I quote: 'Honestly I don't want to hear about how they're feeling right now. It provides me no incentive to talk to them.' It disgusts me to see how much of her narcissism has flourished, with her social interactions revolving around her 'incentives'. I've suspected for a while she was a self-absorbed person through the social interactions she's had with other family members, only really thinking of herself and her gain in them, asking for favours, and never giving them in return, etc. Now she's on her Instagram self-positive ego trip. She tells me her life is good, and that she doesn't plan on changing anything. To be honest, I've never been particularly close to her, and these events have only made the small separation into a massive rift. I tried talking to a few people about it, but their advice has been everything I've already taken into account. I simply have to wait time until she feels comfortable talking to them, but before then it will be a slow, withering burn.

1/2

>>14029548
I've also taken a toll having to see my parents in their miserable state, having to console my mother while she weeps into my arms. And all the while having to be the mediator between her and my parents, with my contempt for her growing with each passing day. I really do feel low right now. I have a girlfriend, but even she has noticed the look on my face when I zone out staring at walls. She tries to cheer me up, and I fake a smile because I love her. And I've realized how much I truly care for my parents. I don't want to see them like this. It is out of my control now, and I've committed myself to the pain. I've been depressed before. The only thing that will keep me distracted in these next few months is literature and studying to get into law school.

I'm done posting on 4chan for a while, goodbye.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhhWWGEzRL0

2/2

If I achieve some success will I gain enough self esteem to get out of my head so much? Or is this how I'll be forever?

>>14029574
You'll get pseudo self-esteem that way.

Six months ago I moved into a basement in the city, on century-old suburba blocks, platted through swamphills, paved-over creeks whose treeroots bubble up to the surface, warping the sidewalks. This was, is, something of a bottom. A soggy down bottom (sadly), grimy and cold .

>>14023516
impending doom

>>14030092
about what?

>>14029384
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa7wjr1NwhA

T'was a warm evening yesterday. Decided to go out listen to some music in a bar. I made my way in the dark streets lit by a faded orange or white hue. When I got there, the music was good, blues twisted with some sort of celtic country. Then by chance I got sucked in a group of my kind. Strangers to the land speaking my mother tongue. But the I felt it again, this lack of connection. We drank together, I witnessed the funny act of my newfound partners. I then led them to a rock n' roll bar since they wanted to do some clubbing but I didn't want this kind of music so I told them it was a must-see. We danced, drank, sang happy birthday to one of the man in the group, and I left when they stopped bringing me drinks when they called the shots. Taking the hint. I got home safely, but still got this nasty feeling. I can't connect with people, I can't seem to understand. Why is it so hard to see each other when everyone is interlinked? Present day, predent time.

>>14029558
could you post a pic of your sister before leaving?

This college's Wi-Fi is absolutely atrocious. It would be quicker for carrier pigeons to send me USB flash drives.

God does not exist in any cliché sense (man in the sky ect.). The word "God" is not signifying any thing; it is signifying no thing: Nothingness. Nothingsness is the absence of any thing. To pray to God means to pray to Nothingness. Nothingness is also tranquility, like a lake with no ripples. To believe in God is to believe in Nothingness, and therefrom tranquility flows into the life of the believer.
"God doesn't exist, bro"
"Yeah, that's the point."

I am not smart. I just have good memory, and creative thought that works like a mixer. I can't think or create anything new or revolutionary. I used to believe I will someday but I feel I finally hit a wall. I don't know why everyone, including my parents incist that I have the smarts. Maybe I did when I was younger but the brain fog got me for good I think. I know for a fact that my parents waited/waiting for the golden egg but why I always got good comments about my "smarts"? Were people just being polite? Yes, because I don't have any other redeeming quality. Probably everybody got nice comments about their intelligence. Maybe because I was silent and aloof all the time? It's true my mind is tripping constantly. I can't even concentrate for long, but I'm doing well on that latelly but only for a few hours. I don't want a life doing a soulsucking job or not doing something creative. But I'm not smart enough for that. I'm trapped.

THE chad doomer/bloomer combo

- so extreme on both opposites it's balanced beyond perfection
- able to enjoy the best of melancholic and joyful arts
- contrast makes the doom and bloom sharp and distinct, they will never grow dull
- likely bipolar and clinically insane
- not a single-sided sign for others to enterpret as one or another, but an enigmous möbius loop curved to resemble a wojack

Prince was great. I've never really listened to his stuff before but this playlist I'm working through right now is fantastic.

>>14030404
> using public wifi
i laugh at you while phoneposting with my unlimited data 4g 10$/month mobile internet.

Stayed in bed all mornin' just to pass the time
There's somethin' wrong here, there can be no denyin'
One of us is changin', or maybe we've just stopped tryin'
And it's too late, baby now, it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Somethin' inside has died, and I can't hide
And I just can't fake it

>>14029278
>feel terribly guilty for even considering it.
as you should

>>14023555
Absolutely cringe-worthy attempt in older poetical style. Nevertheless, nice trips.

>>14025177
Read about The Ocean Cleanup. Watch the event live on 26th October on YouTube or Instagram.

>>14023516
t.i.t.s. = that is to say

>>14029574
Pick up meditation my guy

Gliding along the surface of the pond,
Two wood ducks land and split the water
Into knives of movement, rippling out
In broken lines and interference patterns;
The crickets wheel through the star-pattered
Night, blessed by the rickets of frogs
And other bugs, the light sticks out of the moon
Like an arc-welder.

I’ve started LARPing basically full time now. I’m not anon the 23 year old kissless, handholdless virgin loser I’m anon the scholar-adventure, a courageous and interesting person. Living in fantasy is fun, I’d reccomend it.

I'm an alcoholic that wants to improve myself and be a better person but when I don't drink old feelings rise up that I've suppressed all my life and I want to panic. Feelings of anger towards my mother for being a drug addict jobless loser who constantly brought scum bag men into our home so she could leech off them. My brother and sister are also lost to drugs. My good brother died of cancer at age 19. I miss him so much. My dad wasn't in my life much and he was also an alcoholic but I could tell he was just....life sucked his soul out until he died of cancer. I have a wife and daughter who I love very much...but I was very in love with a girl years ago and she still pulls at my heart. Especially when I haven't drank in awhile. I'm angry at myself because I shouldn't have such thoughts. But god she was so beautiful. She broke up with me the day I graduated boot camp and it crushed me. That's when the downward spiral truly began. We stayed in touch and I was hopeful that one day we would gwu back together but one days we were taking on the phone and she told me fucker some guy at a college party and she didn't even know his name. I couldn't believe it. How do I move on? Why won't these thoughts go away? Why is my family not enough for me to change?

>>14031726
Sorry for the typos
She fucked some guy at a college party

>>14031650
Maybe it won't work out, maybe it will; either way it will be an interesting journey. Enjoy yourself, fellow fantasy bro. Become what in your dream you already are.

You can't wake up, cause you're awake already

>>14031833
How can I be awake if I can still dream?

>>14028978
We'll be hearing about you on the 8 o' clock news, depraved faggot

>>14031849
You're stuck on the acid trip

>>14023516
It's my 29th birthday. I feel clearminded and blissful today, with a tinge of sorrow. It's almost perfect. But the central focus of my thoughts today is drawn back toward my poor social situation. As it were I am almost alone, save for my girlfriend, mother, close friend and grandfather.

Many of my friends from high school are getting married. I have not been invited to any if their weddings. This is a cause of pain for me. It is an embarrassment that I have not been invited, even to the ones who I always felt closest to. But this I also feel is my fault, because I was a drunk/rager in my earlier years. Unfortunately there is a side to me that enjoys feeling hopeless and victimized.

Aside from this I feel joyful, proud of the work I've acconplished. I feel contemplative and boundless intellectually. I think 2020 will look very much like 2019, but with more reflection, growth, hope, and healing.

>>14023516
I love my mom, my dad, my brother, my cats and my cigarettes. Sometimes I feel lonely or claustrophobic and then I fart and it's all somehow okay.

ive been playing with too many girls feelings. i still haven't found one like my ex, i hate her, she only enters my mind when im down, i need something so much better. i need to get a life. i was gonna do some shit today but i woke up late cause i was chatting to some meaningless girl last night and now chan has taken up too much time. i could respond to their texts but i want to seem like ive got better things to do, which i want, but i do not currently have. i like my new status as a man whore, but im just waiting for a good girl, which is hard to find, but i know, once i get this life, ill find one.

>>14030644
How exactly is "God" not signifying any such thing? What believer will agree on that?
God does not exist in the natural world. Both atheists and theists agree on that. Theists will assert God exists as a supernatural being that still lies in existence, and atheists will not believe in any such being.
Also, tranquility is not an object in existence, but it is a state that can be found as a quality of some objects, or perhaps in nothingness, but it is certainly not just nothingness.

>>14024025
Had a good laugh. Thanks for sharing, anon

Is there a way to know what God has in store for you or you're forever blind?

>>14032340
There is a subtle difference between existence and the Real.
You could say that all that exists are physical objects. God is not a physical object, therefore he doesn't exist. By the same token you could say our thoughts don't exist, an absurd conclusion. God, if it is real, is more like a thought in that respect. The Real is not the same as the Existent, as neither God nor our thoughts exist within the manifold of physical objects which can properly be said to exist. Hence Spinoza's definition of God as a "substance consisting of an infinity of attributes, of which each one expresses an eternal and infinite essence." Such a substance can't be quantified, perceived, weighed, or observed, because we are merely contained in a fragment of one of its infinite attributes.

>>14032432
Rereading this I tripped over my terminological distinctions here a little bit but I think the overall point stands. Physically existence is merely the essence one of God's infinite attributes.

>>14024025
I need more stories like these
Kek'd big time

How can anyone write anime or light novels or fiction in general? How?
Everything is so fucking stupid. How can you be proud of writing a Batman comic? It's all so fucking stupid yet people like me love this shit. I don't know how. I don't understand people who have the courage to go so far up their own rectums that they shit out shit like the Monogatari series and they dedicate their entire lives to write and illustrate that.
Imagine being the poor fucking bastard that wrote Zero No Tsukaima. That is absolute trash. It's fucking garbage. It's like aimed at retarded children who are always horny. And someone took the time to illustrate and write all of that shit. Every stupid unfunny quip, awkward interaction and brainless emotional moment. That poor fucker died of cancer. One of the last things he posted or wrote was something along the lines of "I wanna keep writing this I need to end it I don't wanna die". Zero no Tsukaima is a brainless dead series barely anyone remembers. What a fucking world.
How can anyone take Madoka seriously at all. How could anyone sit down to write "entropy is negated by little girl feelings" and then threw a bunch of sexual imagery and shit. But ameritard movies are no better. All of it is fucking stupid.

>>14027315
Same

My friends from HS hate me and are long gone. I have no social media. I feel so lonely. Should I delve into social media? I feel like when I meet new people, I need social capital or peopel wont like me. It seems so insecure but I’m 22 and in college and I feel this way.

>>14023578
it can't be worse than the pedo dude

>>14032340
I'm thinking about certain parts of the bible, like God saying "You cannot see my face" or "Do not mage images of God" in the old testament, or the time Jesus is asked for proof that God exists, and he says "There cannot be proof, because God is invisible". Now, most believers will take the approach you mentioned: >God exists as a supernatural being that still lies in existence
I disagree strongly with this. To say "God is such and such, and has this and this property" is already too much. Too many ideas that presuppose God's visibility; too many images of God being made, so to speak - what nonsense! To make an image of an invisible thing. Now, what is an invisible thing? A thing without properties, a thing without form, void, 0. A no-thing. A thing without thingness, the empty thing. To talk about such a thing (no-thing) makes one sound like a student dressed up as Heidegger. What I'm getting at is this: God is invisible. What can be said about God? Nothing. What are we to think about when we think about love, I mean God: Nothing. No matter which way you turn God, which side you look at, which curtain you lift: you always encounter Nothing. All this talk and philosophizing about God is like putting a kingly gown on ghostly shoulder (not even a ghostly shoulders, non-soulders - because a ghost is already too much of a thing. a ghost's ghost's shoulders maybe). This is in fact my christianity fanfic.

If I wanted to practice this kind of Christianity, I'd be something like a Zen monk or certain kinds of mystics. Nothing mind is God mind. Like Meister Eckhart said: if you do not attach to your Self, your emotions and thoughts, you will become an empty vessel - and into this emptiness God will pour like water from big rain clouds automatically. Now, I'd add: This image of God pouring into your empty vessel is misleading, because the emptiness itself is already God - there is no extra step of filling water into the glass. Thank you for listening.

>>14030727
Sounds exactly like me. Precocious child living an adult nightmare.

>>14023542
the effects of millennial idealism.

> mfw born a genetic atrocity, shithole country so no muh positeevity for me
Pic related is, in full un-irony, related.

>>14032565
were you born without genitalia, or are you just sad about being a girl

>>14027066
you are correct

>>14032581
Born with a weird in-between junk that looks like an overdeveloped vag. I have a female passport (which is near impossible to change with my condition, it's only for trannies) and cant even use it because I had a male puberty.

>>14032469
>That is absolute trash. It's fucking garbage.
But they're still writing more than you ever will.

>>14032499
this is a terrible idea, go join a club sport instead

>>14032499
>Should I delve into social media? I feel like when I meet new people, I need social capital or people wont like me.

Unfortunately I was in the same position. Social proof often does matter, especially if you're pursuing women who you don't share social circles with. I gave in and forced myself to make an Instagram during my senior year of college, finally posted some pictures, and got enough followers so that I didn't seem like a complete ghost when others wanted to connect with me.

But the effort was grueling and using social media not only hurt my own self esteem (seeing people with 1k+ followers and 300+ likes on every post) but also cost me unnecessary amounts of wasted time. In the end, I hope it was worth it. I think taking the time to set up an account might be a good idea, just don't get overly engrossed in it or try to compare yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy. Also - making a snapchat is easy and there's no harm in having one. Best of luck anon.

I want to join a congregation but I have been a hard loner ever since I was a kid. not that I don't have people around me, I even have a few friends, but I spend virtually all my time alone. I don't feel ready to give myself up to a group identity. But I believe it is the right choice for my religion. I fear I will go and my eyes will be cold and hostile.

>>14023516
I can't do anything right and I will be a failure forever

>>14032818
growing up I've realized that this stuff is real
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEeEEc_djco

>>14032827
I don't like anybody who likes me. Their standards are probably very low.

>>14023516
>Night after night they burned our bins
>a city held hostage for a collective instagram wank
>Night after night, the fucking bins
>The smell of the plastic
>The shit
>The offal
>the spent maxi pads
>burned and mixed together for the whole city to inhale and reflect on their sins
>I can taste it
>All day, all night, burnt garbage
>The city, and it's filth in my lungs, sweating through my pours
>all I can keep thinking about is burnt garbage
>Night after Night
>collective waste, and wasted collective

Or something. Fucking Helicopters buzzing 24 hrs is the worst part.

>>14032841
I know it sounds crazy but you have to learn to love yourself. deep inside you is an inalienable ability to choose. It hears what happens around and inside you, but it can choose freely. I suggest you choose to be kind to yourself and give yourself time. You do deserve it.

>>14032858
>>14032841

>You do deserve it.
This is Narcisim 101. He deserves nothing. Self love is a cop out. He doesn't like himself because every day he goes out and doesn't achieve what he knows he can. Doesn't do what he wants to do. He's the good boy, probably the youngest.

He will respect himself when he takes action and improves his failings day by day, week by week, year by year. And when he's done it, he can look back and feel respect for himself, not love.

You, he, me are unique, we're not special. No one owes us love, even ourselves.

>>14032871
you tell a man dying of thirst to drink sand

>>14032871
Nah. I'm with the other anon on this one. Just you being you is enough - enough to be cared for, enough to be loved, enough to be kissed and embraced. Sure you have to improve yourself, have to try to become the best you can be; but nothing you do can make your own once in a lifetime special thing leave. I have built for every being a little shelf, to put them on it, and to admire them and to love them. This I do not do for some philosophical reason, but for the sake of myself - I much rather be the loving fool than the grey-haired grump. Is this not understandable? Is this not beautiful: "It is better to love and be unreasonable than to be reasonable and love not". And who knows whether to love deeply every soul is unreasonable or not? it might be or might not be. But who am I to think myself smart enough to solve this riddle, to confidently say: "Oh, by the way, if you haven't heard already: People are worth nothing! Taadaa!". I am not smart enough to take some nitzschean risk. I have to put my money on the safe bet. The saints and my heart tell me to love everyone. How can I say no to such a sweet plea?

>>14033027
I like this post. Thanks

>>14032818
same

another 50 years of this shit too, my fucking luck

Coco Chanel, the one[and-only.] Is dead and wrapped in some pink brocade. My mother rode with her home on her lap. Bideo bimcomong.

>>14033073
deadmm, was she always or is this news?

>>14033027
Based

>>14033027
I know fuck all about Nietzsche.
What I know is Self-Love is a cop out. There is only self-respect. If you, me, or that guy are losers, and we could do better, then fuck you,him, me.

The notion that you deserve to love yourself is laughable, and equal in everyway of saying you deserve to hate yourself. It's narcism beyond belief.
>Me, yes, Me, I love Me
>I love the way I masturbate all day instead of study
>I love the way I never really try anything out of fear
>I love you, just as you are

If you need to tell yourself "you love yourself, and you desrve your own love", deep down you know it's a fraud.

Narcism is as dangerous as any other Ism. You're lost in yourself. All the answers to your problems are in you? If only you choose yourself?

Get over yourself. I can fuck smell you aspirational niking jogging gear from hear.

We're unique, but not special. Respect is earned, doubly so from the self.

>but for the sake of myself - I much rather be the loving fool than the grey-haired grump. Is this not understandable? Is this not beautiful: "It is better to love and be unreasonable than to be reasonable and love not". And who knows whether to love deeply every soul is unreasonable or not?

I'll give you a personal ancedote, for what's it worth. I had a child. Was a happier before? Absolutely. Was my life worthwhile before? Absolutely not. Happiness, Love, Respect, and a life well lived, for others, for your family, your community, your friends That's a life.
>>14033046

If this chap wants to "love" himself, he needs to respect himself first.

Go volunteer. If you're single, volunteer in the shittiest most disgusting thing you can imagine and experience life. Only through pushing out can you grow and improve. It was the same with your shoelaces and bike, as it will be with this.

>>14032899
>you tell a man dying of thirst to drink sand
I'm telling him to thank Dear God in heaven he's even alive. That he exists. He is unique, just not special.

He dislikes people who like him, because he doesn't respect himself. He needs to earn his own respect.

Narcism 101 is looking down on people in your own bubble. I know I spent a fucking long time getting out of it. The only way out is asking how you can help other, don't naval gaze, your not in an episode of Seinfeld, life isn't that complicated, serve others, help others. Selfless service to your family is love.
Playing video games to escape while your son is bullied on his phone, is not.

Lose weight.

Should I get a degree in Emergency Management? With the coming climate crisis and that I highly doubt I'd be out of work. I think it might be worth it. I also enjoy helping people. I already sort of manage a toy store. How different could it be?

>>14033261
>degree in Emergency Management
No. Stay at the toy store. You'll meet your wife in 7 months.

Pigeons hurtle downtown in the tens to hundreds, drawn to the tower of glass and antennae that is the One World Trade building. They scare the shit out of tourists. An average of 100 little 9/11s every week. It used to be 250 before they installed some kind of sonic deterrents. Now half just get confused and dive bomb the Oculus.

Times Square is worse than ever, littered with twitching little bodies breathing hard against their fluttering little hearts, their necks snapped by a jumbotron of the green M&M, the sexy one, blowing kisses. A filthy Elmo dances around getting pictures with kids among the detritus, overcharging their parents. City workers push wide brooms over the pavement, sweating under the early Fall sun, shaking their heads.

Everyone carries umbrellas lest a flock of swallows get zapped by the Verizon network, which is often. 99% nationwide coverage! De Blasio announced the planned installation of Goose Shelters along Delaney. The Post calls it a publicity move— last Spring a kid genius was on a college tour and didn’t hear the calls of a kamikaze swan— he’s just trying to make up for it. Planned completion in 3 months.

Speaking of; the Mandarin duck is dead, but he gave a day trader on W 40th one hell of a concussion. Working class martyr of Manhattan. They say he can’t hold a spoon right anymore.

>>14032524
oh that’s me

>>14033281
I'm not a libertarian.

ever do something bad, and you get forgiveness, but you feel you don't deserve it and you should suffer more?

>>14033385
>Libertarian
I learnt about these online, we don´t really have them in my country.
Only rich Latin immigrants who´ve brought it with them.

Never trust someone who owns Ayn Rand.

>>14033404
>Based Catholic
Then pray for forgiveness, and earn the Lord´s forgiveness. Your concious is telling you to go out and help those less fortunate.

I've spent around 600 dollars on custom girlfriend audios to simulate the experience of having a significant other. I'm ugly as shit, terrified of women after years of humiliating experiences, and have a small dick, so it's nice to fantasize.

>>14033433
I'm not actually Christian but I've been reading the Bible lately and thought about converting many times since. Both the beauty and the insights in the text struck me
Either way
>Your concious is telling you to go out and help those less fortunate.
sounds like the right way to go about it

The knowledge that my days are numbered. Weeks. You just cant process that informtion properly.

>>14033440
>I've spent around 600 dollars on custom girlfriend audios to simulate the experience of having a significant other.

That sounds odd but also interesting. Where do you find these and what kind of products are meant/able to produce that type of audio?

The scale of the Roman conquests is mind-boggling. Hundreds of thousands regularly died in these wars, far more than the average medieval war and more than many wars of the modern period. The fact of the matter is despite its antecedent place in history, the Roman Empire was more militarily advanced than any other power to emerge in Europe for more than a thousand years.

I really want to write an Alice in Wonderland book with a pyromaniac boy that has the world out for him.

>>14033557
80-20

>>14032793
I have a snapchat already friend but thanks for the advice. Just seems hard.

Wind picked up this evening. In the morn, most leaves will be torn from the trees. I am glad that gf and I went for a drive this weekend and took in the Fall colors. The colors are lovely, but doesn't last long enough.

>>14023516
>I came across this while reading my old journal, I often write when I am feeling down, I never intended on sharing this but here you go

There is a thousand ways to say the metaphor, "There are two types of people in the world." The astronomer and the astronaut, the wise man and the fool, the maker and the taker, for example. The phrase is heard in all sorts of places, but is there really such a fundamental binary way of defining people? What about how people define themselves?

I am a soldier.
I am a pilot.
I am an important powerful person…
I am a philosopher.
I am a poet.
I am an empath.
I am a human with feelings.

These phrases can water down and become rigid and pragmatic. Are some of these narcissistic? Are there common factors among some of these examples? Do they have domains? Surely, they are not equal. The most obvious difference is whether or not they seem to describe status.

So, can we make our own phrase?

“There are two types of people in the world. Those who describe themselves from the inside and those who describe themselves from the outside.”

To say that one is of one status or another illuminates one’s concern of how they are perceived by others. One can choose a particular status and conduct themselves as such. This can be a sign of a conformist, cookie-cutter personality, a non-entity. Perhaps it could also be self confident and separate the self from the rest. Either way, this type of self description is always relative to others.

So how can one know thyself without being relative to others in their description? It is a non-relative and abstract way of thinking. One must leave society and go within themself. They examine their thoughts, emotions and values.

This can be an interesting topic. Maybe we can play with the original statement.

“One who gauges thyself and one who maps thyself.”

These two types of people have different ways of developing themselves. Maybe there can be a third person to the mix; one who drifts, is neither of the former two, an unexamined and unmotivated life.
I will have to be observant to see if there is truth behind this.

Yours,
Anon

The past 6 months have been a time of painful creative infertility. This follows on a period of perhaps 5 years of sustained quality output. It pains me deeply to feel myself run dry. I can see the causes clearly enough. A new job, an environment sterile of inspiration, a growing, horrific appetite for distraction and self-stupefaction, and a habituated tolerance to ideas.
I need and demand a metanoia, a vivid electrification of my brain and spirit to recover the drive which made me formidable.

>>14033788
Do you have dependents?

Constant and ever present existential screaming

>>14033240
Based

>>14033852
No, only dependencies. Those of a chemical variety.

How I would like to write like Dr Seuss! That would be a hoot! It would make me gladder than a sloot in gloop! It would tickle my sniffle quicker than a dickle! It would bamboozle my floozle and doodle my caboodle, it would wiggle my niggle and pittle my dingle.

There have been no discernible changes in my life for the past 11 years. I've worked, commuted for hours each day, had dinner with my parents, retired to my room for a perfunctory masturbation session. Church on Sunday. I have no social life. I am infatuated with a woman at work whom I have never spoken to, but whose personality I have invented in my mind. I've imagined our first date, first month together, her inevitably growing tired of my idiosyncrasies. I'm still brainstorming ways to engineer a first conversation with her that wouldn't be painfully awkward. In my imagined relationship with her, I am entirely honest. She knows that I live with my father, even though I'm in my 30s. She knows that I've never had a girlfriend, that I'm a virgin. She is aware that I'm painfully afraid of rejection, which I attribute to my mother leaving us when I was 7.

My original plan was to lure v or a or one of the other shitheads here and then stab them to death but I pussied out because I was afraid I would get caught. I am willing to settle for robbing a convenience store or gas station with you though. I really just want to feel the adrenaline and the true thrill of it all.

I think my friend mad at me. He hasn't responded to my question if he wants to fix his deck on Monday. He was also terse prior. Our stuff is usually terse but the lack of responding is weird.

i had my first panic/anxiety/whatever attack a few weeks ago and it sucked.

I can't sit down to do anything productive for more than five minutes without having to do something else. I feel like I have too much energy.

I regret being such an edgelord all these years. I spent some time away from this place and started seeing life in a more positive light. And I've also come to realize my love of spreading vitriol and bitterness contributes nothing. I always knew this, but now I'm really starting to understand just how much of a waste being a mindless shitposter is. Taking low blows at strangers is pathetic and I feel pathetic for doing it. I could have spent my free time trying to build things up, but instead I spent it trying to knock things down. And all it got me was a fleeting high that I forgot a few seconds later. Most people probably scoffed and move on, like I do when someone takes a stab at me, but I've seen some people have their dreams crushed here. And that's not a good or useful thing, is it? This place is good at destroying people and they rarely end up picking themselves back up after. There's a lot of sad people here who probably weren't as sad when they first showed up. I've said and done a lot of things there that I wish I could take back, but I can't. I'm trying to be a better person, but there's always a jaded asshole in me who wants to say something nasty for kicks.

>>14023516
the sweet embrace of death

>>14025047
Climate is warming, you will most likely see a big jump in more tropical plant life, outside of the tropics and extinction of many species that are specialized or exist in areas most affected. Africa and the polar regions especially. Basically shit like the north pole will be decidious forest and god knows what places like mexico or africa will end up like. Probably a massive expanse of desert thats completely sterile.

We are probably fucked, but hopefully the population will be reduced and things like the major forests are allowed to regenerate and balance shit out.

>>14025167
Bro there is like a million square feet of earth that has never seen a plane, do you really think some shit coming out of the backside of a plane actually has any measurable effect?

The fat from the roast blended exquisitely with the herbs, making the gravy all the more savory. It was a well marbled cut, one that I spent nearly a decade cultivating. Years of tenderizing left the meat in such a state that it would be hard to tell that it was once such a large and firm muscle. All these sensations fill my palate but they pale in comparison to the one that overwhelms my heart. They say that when cooking, love is the most important ingredient. I say they have yet to experience its complex and subtle tonal qualities. As I raise another bite, tears fall from eyes no longer capable of expressing the true emotions behind those tears. Never has a dish been made with a love more potent and grand as this, I'm sure. How does one find it? It surely isn't in the cupboard or on the rack. From where does it come if not one's own heart? What happens as it is cooked? Surely, what ingredient endures the same in the dish as it did on the shelf? The love in this dish was not that of the fleeting adolescence, percieved with the unknown possibilities of romance, but rather, the love of a lover lost. With a full stomach and empty heart, I quickly snatch and down the glass that has been staring through me from across the table throughout my whole meal. It was such a fowl tonic, beckoning me, repulsing me, enticing me with its promise of everlasting. At least in my last supper I saw bond between brother and sister would never be broken.

I started following pic related on instagram and I kind of want to have sex with him, even though I'm lesbian. My therapist says sexuality can be fluid but I'm really confused. My flash fiction has been improving but I'm not sure how long that will last. I'm just so horny

>inb4 "tits or gtfo'

This is a blueboard you stupid jerks

>>14034844
Dont give a fuck bout no dyke tits. Kys

>>14034855
Theyre not that small their just C cup. Stop making fun of me

"Nigga just close your eyes haha" is great advice.

>>14034844
Youre full of shit just like every other homo, go choke on one of your plastic penises, freak.

>>14033404
a chubby priest is irrefutably THE best comedic character. pic related is peak comfy comedy

>>14034844
Stop advertising your account on this board, faggot.

>>14034922
Cry more im a girl and I get more pussy than you

>>14034922
>>14034955
this is the most bland post exchange in this thread. fuck off on /lgbt

>Religion = something + dignified solemnity.
Christianity's something is Love. Christianity is the poetics of Love. If you center your life around Love, you are a Christian. Love is your main dish, crispy wild boar roast, while everything else is the garnish, the cranberries and the lettuce. Love is God, that which humbles you, that in which's presence you cast aside your Self. If you believe in Love as the guiding principle, you believe in God; for one is not different from the other. You might say "Love is just chemicals"; ok, then God is the sublimation of certain chemicals; do you think I'm afraid of weird statements? Love makes the unreasonable reasonable.

God is that which is put above all other things and which is prayed to and believed in. "Love", "chemicals", "God" - jut words. You know what is meant when it is said that "Love is God" and "God is Love" and "Believe in God" and "You need no proof" and "Just make Love the sun of your life" - What more do you need to know? Just do it - thats what I think. Never have I thought to myself, when someone said "I believe love is the most important thing", "What a fool!", always have I thought "Good for you". Because some Gods are like heavy weight on your shoulders, and some are like wings; some lead you to the abyss and stop, while some spread out like an ethereal bridge and let you cross over.

>>14033455
What are you dying of, anon?

>>14023516
Can't wait to get sober in April, and I really want to go homeless again, or do something stupid just to prove that the animal and the child are both still there. I hate Jesus, and I love Satan, always have, and probably always will. The profession of writing needs to be elevated, but reality is too reddit at the moment. Maybe we can set a guideline for literary aesthetics on this board?

something about media from just before i was born. somehow the strangest time to think of existing because it’s like 100% as alien as 50 or 100 years before i was born in that i wasnt there and everything looks in a way i have never firsthand seen it to look before and i have no idea what kind of things are on peoples minds day to day or what connotations what things have for them and yet it was really very shortly before i came into being. like something from 5 years before i was born seems so far away and alien but to think 5 years ago or even 5 years from now is not that distant. t

>>14035232
>do something stupid just to prove that the animal and the child are both still there.
resonates

>The profession of writing needs to be elevated, but reality is too reddit at the moment.
at a different frequency resonates