/lit/ - Literature

>>13203229
My IQ test results came in. Not exceptionally happy, nor very surprised

>>13203229
Decently.
I haven't watched porn in weeks, I train every day, read more and I'm trying to write as well.

On the other side my social life is pretty tragic and I don't see it getting better anytime soon.

Well you can't have all at once.

>>13203229
Let’s put it this way. 20 years ago I was abandoned on my uncles door step. 15 years ago my dad tried killing my mom after she asked for a divorce. I ran away to the train tracks contemplating bad things. 10 years ago both my sisters died in a car crash. 5 years ago I beat my meth addiction and had a daughter with my girlfriend. Right now I’m sitting in my Mercedes, reading Virgil with a hot coffee in the cup holder. Tomorrow is my moms birthday, going to buy her a present. Life gets better.

>>13203229
Enjoying a good book and learning a new language. Feels good

>>13203283
All that (including the end) sounds terrible. Sorry, man.

>>13203229
all i do is chainsmoke cigarettes and write unorthodox pathetic first person perspectives whilst collecting unemployment. I've been trying to read Schopenhauer in German but French is so much nicer to read

>>13203283
Are you happy though?

>>13203229
This month it is one year of being unemployed and my health is getting worse. I cant do any manual labor because of problems with my legs and back and it seems that will make me unemployable so I just wait until the invevitable jump in front of the train.

>>13203311
I was until >>13203298 chimed in
I think ill leave 4chan for now

>>13203247
Try joining group of some kind. I started doing jiu jitsu and already I’m feeling better and have my eyes on a girl

>>13203320
Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Go enjoy yourself or whatever

>>13203229
every morning I want to kill myself, but then I read some donut twitter and want to live another day just to spite all of those miserable bitches

>>13203320
How do you function on 4chan at all if shitposts like those get to you, get a grip dude

Trying to cope with my abyssal loneliness, reading Dostoyevsky, doing fine but feeling miserable, sometimes I feel like nothing in the world will take away this feeling of complete solitude even a gf or friends.

>>13203345
It's probably because you hate non-whites, anon.

>>13203229
I am fundamentally incapable of integrating into society, I absorb myself in philosophy and bullshit that nobody really cares about or even affects me in any way yet i cannot get a job, go to school or do anything that the average person does really.

>>13203305
you sound like the guy from Houellebecq's whatever

>>13203229
Pretty bad. I hate myself
I know that I'm not hideous and that I have interesting things to say, but I can't shake off the notion that I'd bother anyone if I were to talk to them
Can't approach girls or prossible friends like this

>>13203229
Feeling bad.
Trying to gather up the motivation to read again.

>>13203312
Jesus man, I hope things get better for you.

>>13203358
Or you're just wasting time on 4chan.

>>13203336
You sound like you lack conviction. Try completely applying yourself to some hobby or task instead of dragging your ass

>>13203229
not too great

my writing stinks and I'm unsure if I'm just one of those people with zero talent

>>13203229
G̸̵̨̪͓̼̮̤̳̞ͮͣͪͅR͈̣̞̟̭̟͌̿̉ͭ̓̂̽̉͟E̝̦ͪ̓̎̍̓́Ą̦͕̬̦̬͙͓̯̒̈́ͩ̏͌͆͢Ţ̼̽ͦ̾͋ͩ̑͢.̠̝ͭ͆͛͒̄̃̄ͧ́́̕

Both good and bad. Meds are helping me in general but it is a little harder to focus than before. Reading takes some more effort.

>>13203229
I hit my psychological bottom a week ago and had to rethink my current situation and plans for the future. I am going to lose all of my savings because I'm careless and the surety of this made all the unnecessary anxiety go away. I realized I'm not as sensible as I thought I was, so I abandoned all major plans I had for a future career and decided to go back to my hometown and isolate myself from most people. I have nothing to lose now so I feel fine.

>>13203364
That's more likely.

>>13203365
Try sucking my enormous ass

feeling alright
reading Lord of the Rings

>>13203229
I went out last week with a group from one of my phil classes. Mid-Conversation one of the girls in the group just out right looks at me and says "You look like you want to die", it wasent completely out of context because we were talking about pessimistic things but still, shit hit hard man... A month prior to that a wrote something out for my crush and asked her to read it to herself and she ended up laughing in my face. I fucking hate women.

>>13203320
Hahahahahahaha oh man

>>13203436
Rough, I hear it a lot now though:
>Uhhh like I'm ready to die
>Hope I get run over so I don't have to do X
Maybe she meant it in that instagram-riddled mindset. Not in the way I feel some anons genuinely grapple with it.

>>13203436
>shit hit hard man...
Why?

>>13203389
Nothing to lose since you lost all already? Good luck going hermit mode, it can get very empty at times.

>>13203414
>claims suicidal tendencies
>offered advice
>>Try sucking my enormous ass
Suit yourself beta

>>13203477
>make assumptions
>post anime
my ass just got 10cm wider

not good man
ive been watching ay too much porn over the past few years and eventually watched some toilet play stuff
trying to improve myself but its hard, it wont leave my mind what i did
feel like an outcast, like there's a glass wall separating me and everyone else.
any books for this feel or something to motivate me to get over this

>>13203229
Sitting at my boring retail job, waiting for the summer to end so I can go work for the local JuCo again. At least I'm getting paid to sit on my ass and read.

>>13203484
In what way are they assumptions?
>every morning I want to kill myself
Jesus fucking brainlet just take the advice

Outside of literature my life is on autopilot. I know if I eventually have a medical problem or a large car problem I won't recover financially. At that point I plan to become a hermit.

>>13203502
Get a fucking life you drone

>>13203476
My current life already feels empty and I see no other options. I don't think I've ever had a dream job or a dream all together, these past years I've been just eliminating possible futures for me, but this one seems hard to fuck up so I'll go with it. I'll probably regret it after decades, but fuck it.

Day 2 nofap. Wanna get a few days under my belt before nofap June begins. Feeling okay just bored and sick of being a wagie. Trying to read swanns way but it's taking me three times longer than anything else and I keep getting the urge to either fap or play vidya

>>13203550

>>13203247
based

>>13203283
DFW had it much harder than you. You sound like a jealous poorfag.

>>13203564
Lol

>>13203564
Funny how porn addicts always try to prevent you from leaving your cell. They want the worst for you which is why they must be opposed at every instance. They are subhuman.

>>13203584

ive been shadow banned at work (was moved to a new team where the work ill be doing is orthogonal to my job title) and its because the boss didnt have the political clout to fire me outright, so is hoping ill quit on my own accord, which i will
ive been replaced on the team i was on (and loving and doing a great job on) by a social climber who is riding on the boss’ coattails and basically sucking his dick
but this is life in startupland

im reading if on a winters night a traveler, and recently finished How Music Got Free, a great investigative book into warez and mp3

>>13203283
did you train hop and live the /gutterpunk/ life

opened up at six am with 2.5 hours of zizek. havent seen the word jew that much anywhere other than fourchan. philip roth book, maybe. showered then napped, only slept six hours last night, cat was bothering me. ate, need to up my nutrition, it's been another four days of apples raisins and pistachios, eggs and greens tonight i hope. have spent some hours on internet while munching. at one.thirty finish up song of roland (moncrieff), not much left, then handle some personal finance. maybe finish castlevania three after that. close out the day with some jeremy taylor or maybe finish to the lighthouse.

>>13203599
i unfortunately had to go through this and the worst ever thing that happened to me was a friend that stayed with me on the road and essentially introduced me died right in front of me. We were hoping off a train and his pants got caught so he just got mowed over by the train, quite horrific

>Don't have a single interest, hobby or passion
>Order activities from most boring to least boring
>Dislike socializing because it feels extremely mechanical on my end
>Actively distanced myself from 'friends' because being with them felt like an obligation more than something natural
>Can't blame it on autism because I display none of the core symptoms
>Seem to slowly lose my sex drive, but don't mind because I've never enjoyed flirting
>Neet
>Not sure if depression caused my negative world view, or if my negative world view caused my depression
>Major problems sleeping, and lucid nightmares when I do
>Mild angst
While most of these seem negative, I can honestly say that this year has been one of the better ones since my teenage years. I think the reason is that I've started to accept that I'll never be 'normal' but that's okay. The only thing that gets me feeling low is the fact that while I'm coming to terms with this, the rest of society still expects me to be 'normal', and I can do nothing to please them without pretending to be something I'm not.
All in all, not too bad.

I’m a medical resident on long hours and I deal with primarily heroin addict in various levels of dying. I’m a bit more hard nosed and less touchy feely than my colleagues who let them inject in their rooms, given them whatever they want, all in the name of progressivism and empathy and fighting the patriarchy. I try to keep the staff safe and the pts safe from overdose, I don’t advocate for expensive surgeries to replace heart valves infected in ongoing users, and for the ones that have kids and small children I advocate for them and sometimes call CYFD if I think they’re being neglected or abused. For this I’m alienated and labeled a patriarchical trump supporting right winger (I’m also the only good looking straight white male in the bunch which makes me a target from the get go). I worry that I really am an asshole and less sympathetic than I should be but I feel I’m just being reasonable and doing the right thing for everyone but it’s still lonely and makes me wonder. I just get so angry and sad about these babies born addicted to heroin when all anyone cares about is giving the mother more drugs and telling her she’s a victim. I just don’t know

>>13203608
If you have autism, get it checked. If you're diagnosed, you can collect SSDI. Not having money can ruin your life.

i think i have to break up my reading into days where i read a fun novel for hours and days where i read a few chapters of dry and challenging stuff, mixing the two doesn't work for me.

in june there are a bunch of group reads i'm interested in, idk if i have enough time to join them all

how do you deal with being washed up and poor

>>13203616
It is very lonely to be a man with a moral code these days. I suspect you would feel worse if you started to compromise your morals though.

>>13203608
It's hard for smart people to believe that an incredibly simple physical task could be a solution for such complex intellectual problems, but it is. Start lifting weights and getting yourself outside and you will feel better.

>>13203486
sorry to be annoying and attention whoring but is there actually any books or anything that could help me out with this
thanks

>>13203661
I don't have autism. Maybe I phrased it a little weird, but what I meant is that I can't blame not liking to socialize on autism, because it's not based on ineptitude, but something else I'm not too certain of. It's a dislike for social situations that have grown over the years, rather than a dislike because of inability, angst, etc.
>>13203693
>Start lifting weights and getting yourself outside and you will feel better.
While I can't claim to do these things as often as I should, I am a member of gym where I work out semi-regularly. As for getting out more, I take a walk a couple of times a week, usually to clear my head. Unless you meant get out in public and socializing, in which case there's no real point. I'm staying at home out of choice, not because I don't have the option open. Being with other people does absolutely nothing for me, which I know through years of experiencing my own life.

Sleek attempt at a WWOYM thread

>>13203564
Oh no! Posting low effort weebshit cartoons will make me relapse!

Nice try cumbrain

>>13203351
go to therapy

>>13203741
You're not alone anon. I don't consider myself shy or autistic, in fact I'm quite confident and charismatic, but being with other people has never done anything for me. I haven't completely figured out why. I think I just enjoy my own company more, and I'm more interested in philosophy than anything. I've been considering becoming ascetic as well. Maybe we are, in Socrates's sense, True Philosophers

>>13203661
how to get checked askin for a friend?

>>13203436
Young love crushed. We’ve all been there. Try to recover. Men and women can be insensitive, so don’t make this into a you against them thing.

>>13203229
Not feeling too horrible. Trying to get through some books, but halfway through I begin questioning the point, end up just writing about my abhorrent situation to ease my mind, which ironically instigates my discomfort even more. But still, a feeling of existential release exudes itself after getting a couple pages of my thoughts down every so often.

>>13203571
if you have a porn addiction and you weaned yourself off I congratulate and commend you.

Otherwise it's all psuedoscience and placebo

>>13203321
how do i shake the feeling that every group is bad

I entered 1st jhana for the third time. It looks like I have the bliss button available now. Makes me less afraid of the future.

I can’t stay anywhere more than a few months. After a while, people start to have assumptions about me. Or maybe I just feel that they do. I don’t want anyone to observe me. I don’t want them to have thoughts about my character. I am always moving. The only consistent friendship I’ve had in my life is with a person I’m certain is worse than me. They’ve screwed me over and made me feel like shit, but they’re the only constant in my life. I’ve been cutting them out little by little but I’m afraid of being completely alone.

>>13203229
Continuing my work

>>13203229
I need to create a better whip for self-flagellation and start reading more again.

>>13203860
what’s that supposed mean?

>>13203947
It means that no groups seem interesting or worthwhile to me, neither based on activity nor membership. I realize that joining a group requires a leap into the unknown, but the experience of shifting my environment in such a way seems impossible and bound for failure, hence my displacement of failure onto the groups themselves.

>>13203283
Happy that you're happy mate. A lot of people would use those life experiences as fuel to justify their depression and sadness and toxic behavior.

>>13203975
I feel like every group I might consider joining is full of people with ten times the enthusiasm for whatever it is than I could ever muster.

Feel terrible. I want to play VtM, but my computer is broken.

>Pipe dream is become writer
>Know I can't do that full time
>Try to focus on career
>Career is complete non-starter, literally doing manual labor right now
>Idea of writing somehow being my salvation grows daily
>Try to focus on writing
>I'm still fucking terrible at it
>Haven't improved in years
>Despair

>>13203930
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1Gzn6JDWLeZ

>>13203229
Working out and nofap hasn't helped my brain.
I think I was actually happier when I jerked off every day and binged on junk food, now I just have suicidal thoughts. Especially when I go out for runs and see happy couples, and girls in leggings/shorts.

>>13203229
Not feeling sad or glad, just thinking
of the great moments.
That all inevitably turn into nothing,
before the great face of father time.
How experience, is greatest
in the moment, and how
the life to live is a life of vagrancy.
Starve yourself, live without roof.
Drink alcohol, live without fears.
Im an alcoholic.

>>13204030
Great game

>>13204036
Free will or Determinism, for you?

>>13204059
Depression is our greatest ally. I live to serve him and he goes away. I don't fight depression. I work with it. I allow it to embody me, I make a conclusion, and I continue to work. I don't chase him off as we are good friends. He's honest with me and I am honest with him.

>>13204040
based

>>13203283
I’m happy for you anon
I learned that my gf was pregnant a week ago, im 25.
Currently going through all of Louis Ferdinand Celine’s work

re-organised my bookshelves which is nice
asides from that, cheerfully suicidal and just biding my time until my parents are gone so i can kill myself without upsetting them

>>13204101
Determinism sounds more likely to me but it feels like we have free will so I don't care

>>13204177
sometimes it's one, sometimes the other, will you let your failures determine the course?

Hey lit i just want to tell you i love you all

>>13203229
Badly. I went to law school instead of trying out standup comedy. Now I’m stuck working at a law firm, miserable. Coward. Nohope. Want to die.

>>13203234
What did you get?

Honestly, i'll probably suicide in the next years or so. Not even memeing. Every day the idea and execution seems to get clearer and clearer and i'm no longer afraid of it. I want to drown myself and i don't care if it's painful, it's a neat way to die. Just trying to write my masterpiece before i go.

Quel est son sens caché?

>>13204040
What's your accent/locale? Read something for me!

>>13203608
Relatable, I'm exceedingly asocial as well. Though I don't think I'd recommend prolonged isolation even if it feels good to cut people out right now. Having a couple solid friends keeps your mind in check.

>>13203508
I have one you imbecile

>>13204283
A 120 with a 95 percent confidence rating or whatever it was called. Literally a midwit

I'm growing to appreciate the simplicity in my life right now.
Things will get more complicated in the future with relationships and jobs and everything, but much of that is yet to come.
Feeling extremely comfy desu

Ok overall, I suppose. Reading more than I have been and playing good vidya with friends, writing some music too. On the inverse, medically I'm worsening and it's chronic, so I won't be getting substantially better. No depression or anything like that which I'm very grateful for, but I can't help but feel it's some cruel joke. All that said, I'm in good spirits most of the time and if my only gripe in life is an illness, I suppose I don't have it too bad. As a result I feel conflicted, as though I don't have a right to be upset by so little. Can't logic away my emotions though.

>>13204040
incredibly based

>>13204040
Anon, you're one of the most based posters I've seen and I've been on this piece of shit website for way too long

I'm a chronic porn addict

I can FEEL the grey matter of my brain dying every time I ejaculate

>>13203283
Proof that looks>everything

I just feel very lonely...but soon it will be over

>>13204284
Same, everything I've done so far has been futile and ultimately everything is futile, is it even worth trying anymore? Not gonna stop trying now but if nothing changes I think I'll suicide in a few years too

>>13203855
The brainlet view. Porn addiction more controversial, as if we admit it exists, it would mean most of the population is addicted to sex acts, something nobody wants to concede to. The negative consequences of sexual acts are very tangible. People abstaining suffer from nocebo because all information online from a quick search says masturbation and sex are harmless even "good for you".

i just want to be loved man

Not well. I'm in love with my boss, which is happily married and significantly older than me. This is causing me anxiety and jealousy at my peers at work. Then I come home and keep thinking about all that. The only time of the day when I am happy is when I read.

>>13203604

Stephen King is that you?

>>13204576
Nice bait. The same is true for both opposing viewpoints. Have a nice one!

>>13203345
i think loneliness can come when, even if we have people around and we still cant properly express ourselves truthfully or are not able to make our real thoughts/feelings/state understood, then we start to be afraid that we will never connect with anyone again in a real way, and become bitter and pessimistic about it. i think communication goes two ways though, and it takes skill developing for everyone. and especially openness of heart to express and to receive, which I think are equally important. i think it takes some courage to express yourself truthfully, to become and remain vulnerable, and to open yourself up to feeling the feelings of others. i believe anyone can change though. I've been making a conscious effort to open up more about my really deep feelings and fears and hopes, even if just in my own diary writing, and I feel a lot more in touch with myself - and because of expressing myself more freely with the people in my life, I feel a lot less alone. I also feel a little more capable of perceiving and empathizing with others the more that I try to get in touch with myself.

I don't really know of any books about this kind of stuff, but I'm sure they are out there.

>>13203436
That's because you take them seriously

Finally quit my job as a datacuck, thinking of leaving Dublin soon to go live rural and maybe work part-time. Cities are hell to me now. I've downsized once moving back from the UK and now I'm ready to drop out completely to be honest.

>>13203247
Same. I'm also on a celibate journey and have been working out for at least 30 minutes a day and reading for at least 2 hours. I recently have been reading some church fathers and mystics and have been trying to pray/fast for short periods. It's all coalesced into a very uplifted/happy energy. My lust has been at almost cartoonish levels though. I'll see a woman with big breasts or big thighs and I feel energy surge through my entire body. The good news is that I think women can feel this attraction because I've had much more flirty/receptive interactions with them. It's too bad I'm not really in a place where I desire a woman in my life.

>>13203486
Your Brain On Porn - Gary Wilson

and

Healing the Shame That Binds You

>>13203283
You'll never gonna marry her because of the trauma
or worse, totally obsessed at that.

Finishing my bachelor in Law. My girlfriend used to be a model but I'm thinking of dumping her. Saved way more money than people usually my age. Still depressed.

>>13204295
don't become overdependent on IQ friend. IQ is just one type of intelligence. There are other types of intelligence. Read some Ken Wilber my dude. Kinesthetic intelligence, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, musical intelligence, theres lots of different kinds. And they can all be developed further. The idea that your intelligence level is fixed because of genetics, unless you are literally retarded, is retarded.

I think we turn to desiring suicide because of the finality of it. We see it as a solution to all of our problems, we want them to be finalized, to be over, to be solved. But, short of that, if we achieve a proper mind set towards life, we can reckon with anything that life throws at us (I think this is important to remember). If we at some level entertain thoughts of suicide, then extremely negative feelings can draw us towards just wanting to dissociate from ourselves, into whatever type of distraction is the most appealing at that moment. I think the opposite of distraction is mindfulness, mindfulness as in consciously choosing to become and remain aware of the feelings and thoughts you are trying to run away from, and instead of running away from them- noting them, taking them into stock, accepting the fact that they are happening without needing to accept what they are claiming as the ultimate truth - and thereby gaining distance, the ability to separate from the thoughts, to weigh them and interject them with more rational, optimistic, and effective ways of looking at things

>>13203699
read
>>13204696

>>13204676
I like this attitude, I would be your friend. Can we see an excerpt of something personal you've written?

>>13204601
I had a friend pull this on me and it made everything painfully awkward. How did it happen? I've tried reading about one-sided feelings like this and it's almost always because someone gave too much attention.

>>13204729
cope

i am waiting for my copy of the ancient city because i want to start with the greeks. I collect neetbucks and work a little bit, i finished my apprenticeship as insurance salesman 4 years ago and was a neet since that time, it is frustrating knowing that i can not really find a better paying job but selling insurances ate my soul. I would love to score higher on the dark triad characteristics, but i am too much of a good soul and have too much conscience and felt bad when i sold these quasi-scams.

I feel bad for the people who consider suicide, people you will die anyway, why not make life a good time. Based retard... i know.
Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason (Novalis)

>>13204786
learn about epigenetics. joe disepenza, bruce lipton, those fellas. the brain that changes itself, and what not. neurogenesis, neuroplasticity. read more. don't accept the assumptions that are peddled to the masses as ultimate truth, they often turn out to be grossly oversimplified at best or complete disinformation as the worst. easily remedied with more effort put into self education.

>tfw I passed my final milestone to be ABD in my PhD program yesterday
>tfw I'm now a BA, an MA, an ABD, and a BMF besides

>>13204695
anyone who memes against celibacy and sexual transmutation has not done any of it. My life turns to shit when i masturbate and watch porn, lust just takes over and my drive to do things is nonexistent, aswell as my desire to talk to people. I even notice my skin getting better when i stop ejaculating all the time, i think there is quite alot of zinc lost in each ejaculation.

>>13204828
it's still absurd to assert that there is no fixed genetic component to intelligence.

>>13204295
Lmao imagine being under two standard deviations. Thank God I am not IQlet

>>13203229

Okay, mostly. Haven't been entertaining suicidal ideation as much. Been trying to make and stick to a more regimented routine so I can actually feel like I'm being productive in some form. Still trying to find a job so I don't have to be chained to my parents anymore (this seems like a hopeless endeavor, but I'm forced to believe something will work out eventually). Trying to figure out what it means to live life actively instead of passively. This sort of strife is many years later than when most others experience it, but better late than never I guess.

>>13203571
Can this fixed through noFap or is damage permanent?

IM SO FUCKING HORNY AND LONELY

>>13204839
there's a component but it's not the ultimate component or the most significant (at least in terms of what you are capable of - what you CHOOSE to do and develop, however, is your own choice). maybe with really stupid parents you are at a disadvantage, but even so, belief factors in to all perspectives of personal ability in a major, major way - self fulfilling prophecies. research: the placebo effect. and if you aren't literally retarded or something, you can far surpass the intelligence of your parents and their parents with proper effort put forth in the right way.

i think the idea that all traits including intelligence are fixed at birth is in itself a MAJOR fucking cope, because it excuses you of feeling responsible for your own failures, your own mediocrity - instead of having a different attitude that if you tried harder, or tried in a better way, things would happen differently for you.

>>13203283
>muh mercedes
you have the soul of an insect and deserved to be crushed like one you fucking cretin. god i wish i could gouge your fucking eyes out subhuman

>>13204295
>lled. Literally
Faulkner had an IQ of 110 but then again IQ has 0 correlation with creativity and Faulkner is some freak genius

>>13204884
read Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson

goes into quite a bit of neuroscience. this book exists and has for a little while, and yet there are still oodles of folks thinking there is no scientific basis whatsoever for nofap. they ought to question their basic assumptions more often, and read more.

>>13204127
What does the night in Journey to the end of the night stand for? Nihilism? Death? Loss of purpose?

Does erotic ASMR count as porn?

>>13203923
>I don’t want anyone to observe me.
iktf, you're way worse of than me though
>>13203229
very good actually, got a nice job, make good money for the first time in my life. I live only five minutes away and the coworkers are great. now I got four days of and I'm leaving for Holland tomorrow to visit my little sister who's studying there this semester.

physically and psychologically addicted to smoking marijuana
suicidal thoughts every day
the usual

>>13204949
Most regular ASMR is enough to qualify as porn. If you're watching it to get aroused, it's porn.

>>13204729
Midwit argument

>>13204729
have sex

I might get a new job soon: slightly less pay but much less stress and much greater prospects. Trying to apply to graduate school this fall, have three solid letters of rec lined up and researching schools, hoping for a relatively lucrative PhD subgenre but may settle for an MA. Visiting family right now but headed home tomorrow. Reading some things, texting some old friends. Life's alright.

>>13204948
the misfortunes and encounters of a broken man, the people he meets are shown as pathetic, greedy, nihilistic, cowardly etc... I think He wanted to show the dark side of the common man, in a time where everyone was going on about how oppressed and great they were. In the journey he said "Tout ce qui est intéressant se passe dans l’ombre,
décidément. On ne sait rien de la véritable histoire des
hommes. "

"All that is interesting is happening in the shadows,
definitely. Nothing is known about the true history of
men."

Maybe that's what he meant by night (Frenchfag here don't bully)

I dumped my wife because she was cheating on me. Did it in a very cruel way, destroyed her family in the process (100% their fault but I can't help but feel guilty because it didn't have to go that way).
Chased away my oneitis of five years because she got a boyfriend and she was constantly shoving it into my face, making me die of jealousy. Told her to leave me alone and to stop talking to me and blocked her from everything. Didn't take it to the next step with her because living in two different continents. Feeling constant nostalgia on our friendship and compatibility, lonely as fuck since then.
Three best friends, one died early May on an operation table (chronic heart problems), one went back to his home country to take care of sick grandma, one is now a doctor who works literally all the time, and has a girlfriend on his own, so zero time for pals.
Trying to occupy myself any way I can on my own. Lonely as fuck. At least I have a stable reasonably paying job. Also living at home, so not paying rent or mortgage and putting money aside, but for no purpose as I'm now traumatized by failed marriage to try anything with a woman anymore. I have an ok life, but I feel like it lost all purpose and has no direction anymore.

>>13205227
It might take some time, but you'll move on.
How old are you ? Had any kids with her?

>>13205277
I'm 26, turning 27 this year. Didn't have time to have kids, marriage ended in 5 months.
That's what all the grownups are telling me, "you're young it'll get better you'll get over it you've learned from it experience there's still so much for you" yadda yadda yadda. Maybe they're right, I don't know.

>>13203229
Eh, okay I guess. Entered three essay contests, haven't heard back from any of them yet. I feel like Charlie Brown waiting at his mailbox. Trying to write some Ligottian corporate horror, inspired by my experiences wageslaving as a literal dollar store cashier. Going to take a drivers' licence test soon, hopefully self-improve my way out of the doldrums.

>>13204040
Lmao

>>13203234
>>13204295 Kek
>>13203247 Meh
>>13203283 Fun
>>13203294 :^)
>>13203305 Gay
>>13203312 Soz
>>13203336 Heh
>>13203345 Kys
>>13203351 Die
>>13203356 cel
>>13203358 Liv
>>13203376 Mem
>>13203380 Gud
>>13203389 Try
>>13203433 Meh
>>13203436 Wan
>>13203486 Dum
>>13203493 :^(
>>13203502 Sun
>>13203550 Lol
>>13203594 mp3
>>13203603 Oke
>>13203608 Woe
>>13203616 Lie
>>13203666 666
>>13203690 Git
>>13203800 :33
>>13203820 Ecc
>>13203875 We̞b
>>13203923 Red
>>13203930 Gud
>>13203933 Gay
>>13204030 ;_;
>>13204036 Dum
>>13204059 Kys
>>13204063 Gin
>>13204128 DFW
>>13204257 >:(
>>13204269 Bug
>>13204284 Lie
>>13204314 HDT
>>13204369 ASD
>>13204501 Lie
>>13204522 777
>>13204600 God
>>13204601 Hot
>>13204692 Nah
>>13204707 Fly
>>13204767 tld
>>13204805 Pus
>>13204835 Dry
>>13204883 Yip
>>13204895 Vir
>>13204949 Yes
>>13205087 Nug
>>13205160 Luc
>>13205227 Cuk

>>13205374
Based Dogme 95 esque self limiting experimental pseudo poetry poster

>>13205307
i'm >>13204127 >>13205277

I've never experienced what you experienced, I 'm about your age but we have opposite situations, i'm not married, I haven't finished my studies, and in 8 month i'm gonna be a dad. all I know is that you went through a lot of shit, and you're gonna go through alot more shit before it's all over. And you're gonna make it, but you're not gonna make it alone, loneliness is a slow killer, don't let betrayal fuck up your life, in time, get yourself another woman, have a family, you'll suffer just about the same, but you'll have purpose, that to me is what I consider happiness,
Might sound cheesy but i'm too tired too realize

>>13205374

>>13203229
i fucking want to die

My therapist broke up with me today and I'm very upset and angry. Going to read some Mishima and hate myself.
Protip: CBT kind of sucks

I am falling in love with a coworker and I can't help it. I am trying to distance myself, but it's almost happening on autopilot. I do care greatly for my girlfriend but it's really strong...

>>13205551
Fuck her

>>13204501
"Directly after copulation the devil's laughter is heard" - Schopenhauer
Oh my brother I know the feelings oh so well my dear brother...
Time is going astray as I wither deeper into meaningless...
The angst is building and the pressure will soon be too much to bear..
Oh my brother will there be hope for us?

>>13205516
Try Dialectical Behavioral Therapy instead. It's the new big thing, especially for people who have been willful with regards to CBT

>>13205516
>My therapist broke up with me today
what?

Working like 70 hour weeks and trying to read Nausea. I’ve only gotten 40 pages this week which is really upsetting for me. I’ve met a few people excited about literature in real life which is great, when I have time we hang out and talk about books. I’m about to move in with a friend to save lots of money, she’s revealing herself to be much too liberal for my tastes but life is an adventure after all. I moved to this big city last year to find... something. Women are a hundred miles away from me and that seems ok right now. Things could be much worse, all in all I’m happy.

>>13205374
the hegel of mass-repliers. good job

Okay

>>13205621
I'll look into it, thanks for the tip
>>13205623
She recommended that I seek treatment elsewhere, since my issues were beyond her capabilities. On its own it's not awful, but more or less she basically was trying to pawn me off to some other therapist.

>>13205690
Dont see women therapists if you're a guy

>>13203229
Did my final presentation for my masters thesis today so I'm p happy to be done with that

>>13205695
I've been thinking the same thing actually, but why do you say that?

>>13205690
>so fucked up and difficult to work with not even a CBT wants anything to do with your shit

kek

>>13205719
They don't understand men at all.

stuck in an endless cycle of 18 hour work days, 4 hours of sleep a night, overdependence on caffeine and junk food to stay awake, and constant pressure by my supervisors to do more work on less.

>>13205825
Your company probably only requires a particular number of hours a week. Refuse to work overtime because exhausting yourself and never engaging in self-expanding leisure is a great way to trap yourself in a low-paying position for life.

>>13205734
>do you fantasize about raping people often, anon
Ah, women. They'll never get us boys just being boys.

>>13204288
This is pretty good ankn

>>13205950
What a stupid pointless post

>>13205942
yeah that sounds great but I'm a government slave and I can't legally refuse to work overtime

>>13203229
Feels mediocre man
The depression and rage has mostly subsided but the drug addiction is getting sorta out of hand, Ive been constantly high on benzos, weed, alcohol, and even laughing gas for the past two week, all while smoking all day everyday. I pretty much can’t sleep at all if I’m sober at this point too

>>13203229
I feel like I have no creativity, when in reality the extent of my prior creativity was "He's a wizard and lives on a floating island and there's a lake called The Loch but actually it has a giant lock sticking out of it!!"
Consuming high quality media makes me sad because it feels like I will never be able to surpass it in my lifetime. That mindset is holding me back from even trying and I need to wholly annihalate it. What good art can come from someone who no longer sees anything missing that needs to be expressed? It's a terrible feeling of unearned but still present fulfillment in my heart.

I'm starting think my GF is annoying, literally does nothing but talk about her work and work gossip all day and has no other interests. What do bros?

>>13206060
I honestly don't believe you. Do better.

>>13206325
k

>>13205374

>>13206328
>responds in less than a minute
P A T H E T I C
A
T
H
E
T
I
C

>>13206336

>>13206356

>>13203229
Losing it. Rapidly. Youth slips by, and I can't hold it near. The world is fallen in my years, and falling further. I only have one consolation and one satisfaction in Jesus Christ. Worried I might be developing alcohol induced brain damage. It hurts when I focus my eyes on any object within 18 inches from my face.

I'm ready to be done with this rotten planet. Give me the beatific vision.

>>13203229
The depression is back at the moment. Just trying to hold on desu

>>13206440
hold onto THIS DICK desu

>>13206336
It took me to 33 minutes write this post.

>>13203436
Women will never understand the way a man feels about them, they're too busy posting "every man is a cheater" on instagram

>>13203229
Not good
I can’t finish books. I want to read, but I get sidetracked and never finish anything

>>13205734
this, especially the kind of woman who becomes a therapist. nothing wrong with them but they are a type

>>13203436
Don't engage in the current gender cold war. Sure most women are disgusting, but the same can be said of most men.

>>13205374
new meta spotted

>>13206702
the gender war began as soon as sexual reproduction evolved tbdesu

>>13206737
Sure, but it's never been like this in American history. They're pretty ripe for collapse/a change in regime

>>13204781
read Jung, he says that

>>13206748
it's pretty fucked up all over the place I guess

not well. i am escaping all my problems.
i want to kill myself, but at the same time i don’t.
i feel like being stretched out by these two polar forces.
the only correct resolve is to do nothing.

>>13203229
discovered a excellent, cultured writer. just spent about $80 on second-hand books. will never share his name with others.

>>13206808
Thanks for sharing faggot.

>>13203608
We're not alone! Present yourself, others feel this way, it doesn't have to be like this.

xanax

I'm proposing tomorrow /lit/. Wish me luck, I love you all, even those I've insulted over the years.

>>13206319
Don't look for an intellectual peer in women, men are better suited for abstract thought while woman are more capable at discussing interpersonal matters. Just find an SO so has good values, can raise a good family, and doesn't prioritize work over being a homemaker.

>>13205509
same

>>13203229
I really need to get the fuck back into writing.

>>13205551
falling in love with your coworker is true cuck shit. work is off limits for romance unless you literally live in a sitcom

>>13205551
>Girlfriend
Don't play yourself like an accordion, you are already in a good position and this really isn't the time to fuck it up.

>>13206654
They are good when you are during that kid/teen phase of "I need someone to listen to any and all of my problems" but once you grow out of that, it just feels like it is more about appearing as they care. I still appreciate what my old therapist did.

>>13205448
>get yourself another woman, have a family, you'll suffer just about the same, but you'll have purpose, that to me is what I consider happiness,
Funny you would say that, I actually considered making children with a woman and divorcing her before she would me, and finding a way to get custody of the children. That's how low I've sunk and how this whole shit fucked me up.
And yes, I had my oneitis at the same time as my wife, so I probably deserve what happened to me. I didn't marry for love, I involved both families and married for rational reasons, I wanted a stable family, and to raise children, and to teach them positive values in this decadent world. That blew to my fucking face. Right now I'm secretly hoping that my oneitis contacts me again because she is the only woman I have ever known with whom I could be myself and feel accepted and loved (humour, "political" and "philosophical" opinions, hobbies, etc.), but I know that probably won't happen. I don't even want to make plans with her or have a relationship of sexual nature with her, I just want to be able to have her as a friend again and to share everything with someone, even if I don't have her physically next to me. In fact I think a relationship through text is exactly what I needed, endless discussions about everything, littered with shitposting.

I'll have to find a new purpose in life, all of that was probably quite adolescent anyway. But it's tough in this day and age, I feel like we're really left on our own, completely lost. I tried to make my own way in the traditional way: the woman I married was a childhood friend who has always been madly in love with me, and our both families were involved, we did a religious (Muslim) wedding, etc., it couldn't have been more serious, and this is how her family lost face and all credibility in the end because I had the hard material evidence that she was a turboslut and they forced me to disclose it to our network of relationships. I counted on external forces to hold our marriage (society, traditional, family, religion) because I know for a fact that couples left on their own all end up separating, and mine literally blew to my face in a matter of months. Fuck I don't know what to do now. Maybe just enjoy being alive, for the sake of my friend who passed away a month ago.

>>13203229
Trying to keep existing. It's pretty hard for me to connect with people, so a usually reclude myself to books and music. Thing is that I've lost interest in reading and I have much less free time to do it. I'm stressed with college while I try to avoid loneliness.
I feel out of place even with my own family. I can't reach my goals 'cause I'm too lazy to do anything...I'm such a waste

Feeling good thanks to Vedanta.

>>13204600
i love you

>>13207141
This. Add that I'm in a major I am lukewarm about (bio), working slave labor for a grad student who couldn't give a fuck with a lab manager who subtly looked down on me. I don't hate people, I just feel really tired even after saying "Hello".

>>13203604
very sorry to here that anon
im really interested in your story, specifically how itinerant homelessness is like for youth in america
would you consider sharing an email address where i could ask you some questions?

I'm good. Met up with a nice girl yesterday. Her sister tagged along and I had to leave after just two hours, so it wasn't much of an actual "first date" to begin with but I'm sure she likes me and we seem to somewhat click. I hope it works out. Yesterday, I finally found a new flat not too far away, so I can move out of this hellhole of a dorm and still see my friends every now and then. Commute to work is about an hour but if that's the price I have to pay to have a quiet place to live where no one steals my stuff, I'll gladly accept. And lastly, I'm finally catching up on all the lost sleep of the past weeks. I have a few days off because today is ascension holiday and no one actually works tomorrow, either. I'm slowly recovering from weeks of five hours of sleep per night and I can feel my sanity coming back.

Life is finally starting to get better. It feels like I'm finally becoming myself again.

26 years and only two occasions where I had genuine interest in a girl/ woman later. Don't need to mention that it lead to nothing. But honestly I don't understand all the hype behind it. I can pretty much take care of myself and women only seem to make trouble. Maybe I'm a little bit weird in that sense though as I have never felt erotical sensation from real life females. Only from books and pictures.

You ever think about running around and joining a monastery or something?

>>13206325
military

>>13203229
Just learned that I have tinnitus as well as chronic headaches for life (doc confirmed). Entirely genetic in cause. Have gender dysphoria and a crippling case of existential angst on top of this. Suicidal thoughts are a habit at this point.

>>13203229

I really just hate myself
Just absolutely despise the way I am in every way
Every day I get home and have to decompress for a while try to deal with it but it never goes away I can only escape it for short stints through typical escapist means but I can feel it becoming stronger and harder to stave off
I've been sleeping less because I can't stand being alone with myself and my thoughts
I'm firmly in the cycle of regret guilt and self loathing every day I'm deteriorating with no end in sight

>>13207738
it’ll turn worse again. Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait too long.

>>13208145
I too value the positivity of this Mongolian basket-weaving forum.

>>13205718
congrats anon, what was it aboot?

O anons, what would ye consider to be the signs of an alcoholic? What are the standards of measurement?

>>13203229
Rough. Depressed—well, more depressed than usual. I feel like I'm getting dumber every day. I just finished my second semester of college and barely passed my classes because I went on a bender the week before finals and didn't sober up til the week after. I'm probably not going back.

Right now I'm planning on doing some technology certifications and trying to find work from that while I go to therapy. Maybe once I have some financial cushion and my head is screwed on better, I'll take another whack at this whole school thing.

My therapist is suggesting I consider SSRIs. Anyone have any experience with these and maybe some recommendations? I've been on a course of Lexapro before, and it just made me feel numb and killed my sex drive. Looking for something that will do neither of those.

>>13208569
>and it just made me feel numb and killed my sex drive. Looking for something that will do neither of those.
dont take any psychiatric meds then

>>13208580
That was what I feared. Other than therapy do you have any recommendations? I'm doing the exercise thing and that *has* helped a little but not much.

I'm not even looking for a "cure" or anything like that, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be depressed in one form or another for the rest of my life: I'm looking for advice on how to live a functional life despite it.

>>13203608
Narcissism. Apply yourself.

>>13203616
what spec?

>>13203923
Narcissism.

>>13204295
>be high iq physicist in tenure track at a top 5 uni
>wife is md+phd with a h index in the 60's
>on my side three generations of engineering and physic profs
>on her side 5 generations of docs, father and grand father profs
>mfw every day it becomes more apparent that our kids are idiots

>>13208603
Do shit. Like constantly. Do something all the time.

It must be nice to have a purpose in life, some people are content living in their hometown and working at a supermarket for years at a time. No matter how far I run or how high I climb I never find contentment and I don’t believe there is such a thing in this world for me

>>13209465
This is particularly sad, I remember being 7 or so and seeing people in the supermarket who are still there 15 years later. I don't agree that these people are content, they have just accepted their lot in life. The caste you are born into has more power than people think, you can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you're born into some shitty deprived town. It's either welfare or minimum wage until you die.