/lit/ - Literature

>>12582823
Innumerable questions unanswered.
How can I love my hangman?

>>12582823
My grandma died when I was eleven.

She lived with my family while I was growing up and basically raised me (youngest of a bunch of kids) while my parents worked. We slept in the same bed. She used to read to me into the late hours of the morning because I was a little brat and whined for her to read another chapter/book/story, etc..

I had to start helping take care of her the last two to three years because she got dementia and I remember coming home from school and being upset because I wanted to hang out with my friend who lived down the street. I had to give her her medication by putting it in an ice cream sandwich, she loved ice cream sandwiches when she was senile and it was the only way she would take it.

One time I brought a friend over to watch a movie or something and my grandma freaked out. I think she thought he was an intruder.

I wish I could've been older. I wish I was in high school or college for her last few years. I wish I could've given my grandma ice cream and wrapped my arm around her and rubbed her back and told her I loved her, and thanked her for reading me so many books. My family says that's why I did the best on SAT out of all of the kids, because she got me hooked on reading. I think I would've read her a book when she was scared, I'd read her Oliver Twist I think.

I wish that when I came home from school instead of playing video games or leaving her to see my friends, I would have sat with her on the couch. She must've been so lonely and afraid. She was a tiny little woman. I wish I was older and could make her feel safe. Eventually my dad put her in a nursing home that was 30 minutes away from us, and I only went to see her once a week. I wish I had gone everyday. If I was who I am now, then, I would have gone every single day. She was happier and less mean (dementia changed her personality) in the home, but surely she must have been on lots of drugs. I hope she wasn't scared there. I get a lump in my throat thinking about the fact that she most likely definitely was scared, she was probably scared and felt alone on a daily basis, surrounded by strangers who didn't love her. The knot in my throat is getting bigger. My family always and still says that us two were the closest, because I was the youngest and when the other kids got independent, my grandma had me as her responsibility while my parents were busy.

Sometimes I have dreams about my grandma, and she's always very old and a little hunched but I'm bigger now and its very easy for me to fit my arm around her, and in my dreams I give her all the attention I never did, all the love I wish I had. I talk to her in a gentle voice and she has a smile on her face.

I wish I hadn't been so selfish and childish and short sighted. I wish I hadn't been a child. I wish I had loved her so much better than I did.

That'll do, pig

You said you would miss me.
Do you?

Hey C, I'm sorry for making fun of something probably related to the disease that eventually killed you, but I couldn't know that back then and you didn't know either. Also, I was 13 or 14 or something. It's a shame that you died only weeks before what would have been your 18th birthday and it's also a shame that you probably died a virgin, though I'm not 100% sure about that. Seeing your mother at the supermarket checkout (where she still works) every other week or so always makes me a little sad. She still looks like she's suffering, even now, more than 3 years after your death. I've always been closer to your cousin and you and me, we've never really been "friends" but I always liked you and I wish I would have had the opporunity to really talk to you for once. Anyway, rip.

Rest In Peace, Supreme Gentleman. You were too good for this world.
Fucking roasties, Reeeeeeeeeee!

>>12582957
based

killing yourself is the most reddit thing you can do

Hey Ouma. Ek onthou ons trein rit. Ons het saam die sterre beskou in die donker suid somer. Jy wou he dat ek die sterre verklein en vasgryp met my klein hande. Teen bloem was my hande te groot, die sterre te ver. Jy het na my gekyk en ek kon nie meer terugskyn nie. Die trein kom by sy destinasie, en dit, hierdie, is te laat.

>>12582823
When I saw you that last time, it was the first time I saw you happy, seeing you like that left me feeling better than I had in quite some time. When we parted I wandered off with a new desire to socialize, and to be in the company of others, you climbed up 16 flights of stairs, I really hope that happiness stayed with you all the way back down.

>>12582823
Haha, you're dead. *cries*

Good riddance you are lucky I'm way too ashamed to admit what you did to me from ages 8 to 14

You were the best dog in the world and I will never forget you

>>12582823
I miss you. I hope to be someone you can be proud of. Nothing has hurt me more than seeing you on the way to death. I hope you are at peace now. I wish you had seen me graduate.

>>12582823
Dear dad,

I wish you were still alive so I could explain to you in detail why every opinion you’ve ever expressed is wrong, and possibly give you a few kicks to the ribs while I’m at it. I’d also like to repent of all the time I spent at your bedside while you were in the process of dying; looking back, that as a misinvestment of time and energy on my part.

>>12582980
Could you translate that into English? I'm curious to know what it says

>>12583102
Hey, Ouma. I remember our train ride. We saw the stars together in the dark southern summer. You wanted me to shrink and grab the stars with my little hands. Against flower my hands were too big, the stars too far. You looked at me and I couldn't look back. The train arrives at its destination, and this, too, is too late.

>>12583077
What did he do to you? One of you has to be the worst person ever.

If you had been younger maybe you would have been able to bear it. I wish that I could have helped you, but I suppose there are people dying all the time. I tell myself I'm not like them, but then you might not have been either. I have to know, do you still exist?
Of course it is impossible to speak with you. This is just an act of meditation on the image of you I have in my head. One day I'll be dead too. Sometimes its scary. Sometimes its okay. What were your last moments like? I will never know.
If you loved yourself more you would be here still.

It sure seems to me like God loves sinners more than He does saints. You must've known that no good deed goes unpunished. I don't know if it was honorable or stupid that you didn't care. At least you never let this place twist you into something you hated. Goodbye my friend.

>>12583147
>worst person ever.
What a grand and intoxicating innocence. I suggest you grow up, soon you will find out that such "hatred" between people is common, desu it's fucking nothing, I doubt any of them did anything particularly bad. Notice how the anon spend their time by their dad's bedside despite everything, and only vents after, and still cares. This isn't the worst person ever, this is the average person in regularly bad circumstances.

>>12582823
I fucking told you C.
You were drunk as fuck, I could call for a taxi or ask A to take you home.
You idiot. You couldn't even walk right.
I should have taken your keys and tie you to a chair or something.
Reckless as you are, who in his right mind would have let you go.
I heard your last screams, saw you disfigured, I couldn't even come close to you.
I'm sorry.
I'll bring you flowers tomorrow.

>>12583524
lol

>>12583524
dude

it's just really fucking funny imagining this guy get into his car and instantly turn hard right into the closest wall like its fucking family guy
his car bursts into flames "i saw you disfigured" fucking lmao
this man died as a cartoon

My grandfather died two years ago. He was the only grandparent I've felt a connection with. I loved him. He was a horrible, selfish man and I'll never forgive him.

He was an ordained minister. Was super religious his whole life. Wrote multiple books and pamphlets too. He was involved in a prestigious mainline Protestant church in the 1960's, but had a profound spiritual experience and sold his house and all possessions (including his kids college funds) and took his wife and two kids to live on a commune on a remote commune in the Minnesota Northwoods. He had 8 more kids over the next 25 years (including my father), but was never involved with any of them as he was a full time teacher, pastor, and high school sports coach. He was a very good mentor but a shitty father. His students were much more involved with his funeral than his estranged children. All of my aunts and uncles turned out neurotic and borderline: one got addicted to heroin, another to alcohol, marijuana, anorexia nervosa, horrible divorces, broken families, narcissism. He ignored his family to go do more holy things and they paid the price. He also god a five decade smoking addiction from his family and died of lung cancer, even though he had ten pounds of dead lung removed from his body during a cancer scare fifteen years before his death. His students and friends considered him a saint

>>12583565
this may have been a disrespectful and inappropriate post but come on

When you killed yourself I pretended to be sad. In truth I felt nothing but contempt for your cowardice.

>>12583491
it's a figure of speech you sperg

A gazelle.
She reminded me of a gazelle.
Long sleek limbs, an elegant narrow body.
Not so innocent that strength wasn't implied.
She was a great runner,
A smile that had a remarkable power to glow,
A laugh that seemed to echo.
It bothers me, thinking of her,
In her closet.
In her parents home, wire around her neck, no way back.
I think she maybe regretted it,
As she realized she was going to die
And the pain of suffocating reached a maximum.
Jesus Christ, that Gazelle was only 17.

i knew you less than i wish i did, but i always loved you and i hope i make you proud

>>12583733
>posting something this important to us in a fucking 4chan post
yeah I'm already ashamed, mission failed

>>12583565
Lmao

>>12583147
Nothing particularly interesting. Beat me when I was a kid and also terrorized my mom – that sort of thing.

>>12583702
good, minus last line

Bénit soi-il, créateur de la mort,
Balance éternelle entre Roy et Ménestrel,
Royaume dénudé de tous sentiments,
Réveil suprême de l'homme spirituel.

>>12585746
>>12583102

I texted my friend about a guy I stayed with once who died today.

>Hey Mikes dad knows if there is an afterlife now on account of him blowing his god damn brains out

Apparently one day he just started talking to the air. I wonder if he made a deal with a devil or something because he came into a lot of money iirc.

Grandpa I haven’t forgotten your legacy. I will carry it forward after your boomer children are done spitting on it.

R,
We hadn't talked since high school. I suppose that's a bad way to start it, but it's true - we were never close. Still, your death shocked me, and the suffering you experienced in your last moments is unfathomable. I wish I had been able to save you. It pains me to think of all those who will never see you smile again. I don't have anything profound to say but I hope you are doing well.

>>12586473
Mike?

>>12586652
nope, sorry

Isaac you're a fucking idiot.
You played a love song on my guitar on my bed, to me, like a fag.
Your wrists were gross.
I helped jumpstart your car when the battery died. I let you stay the night too.
I'm sorry I made fun of that guy getting punched in the face, I'm sorry you never really knew Tylor too well. I'm sorry I never hugged you. I'm sorry you looked at me like some kind of beacon of hope when I was just as broken and too prideful to admit it. I'm sorry I killed those animals. I'm sorry I laughed at you. You stupid faggot.

You’ll see your wife soon enough. She misses you immensely, pa. Do you remember when you would hold me as we both fell asleep when i was a baby? Do you remember when in elementary school i wrote about how you were my hero? I wish you were here still for me to tell you as a man how much i still respect you. I will you see you soon, pa. I love you. God bless them all.

Don't worry, T. I'll troll the whole world until they stop bullying people like us. I'LL AVENGE YOU. I'LL MURDER EVERY FUCKER OUT THERE UNTIL WE'RE TOGETHER AGAIN, NIGGER.

My grandpa's last words were "why is everything purple? Who is in the next room?" It reminded me pretty vividly of a sleep paralysis episode I once had where my room was drenched in purple and filled with spooky beings. I want to ask him what he meant. Also I want to tell him I love him

Im sorry Steven, Im sorry Micheal, Im sorry Chris, Im sorry James for being a total shit friend. I push you guys away when I don't need you but reel you in when I do. It's better when im away from you guys im just a cess pool of toxic shit in your life's. I was playing the role of person I was not leading on empty temptations but now that I look at my self in disdain and have a total retrograde way im thinking I genuinely think you guys are better without me. Im a mess of a person and how can I establish a healthy relationship with any of you if im a fucked up mess myself. I say this hoping we can regain what we had but, you know and I know that'll never happen.

Ma,

Who were you?
What would you think of me now?
I wish I knew how our lives would have been together.

My sister and I cause grief. Family look at us and remember you. They cry. We cry, too, but for them, and with them. Not for you.

They never ask about what we think about you. When I talk about it it turns into a story, which is nice, but it's also, well, annoying.

They want to fill the hole which can never be filled.

They should have let us gone to your funeral too. But we were too young to grieve, was the thought.

So we never did.

I'll walk around with a hole in me forever.

Not a huge hole, and as I grow taller it'll become a smaller part of me. The ragged edges will get sanded down.

But it'll never be patched.

>>12582823
I barely knew you since you divorced nana and left her and the kids alone with her. I'm glad you found happiness with another woman and I'll never forget your inspirational story of escaping over the Czechoslovakian border with the family jewels. I will always be proud of my Czech heritage, although I'm not a drinker.

RIP grandad

>>12586473
How did he die?

>>12582823
You doom us alll hitler

Sister, you died while sleeping. There's little for me to speak of your dying. Its only meaning to bring grieving? Our sad, sad mother was crying. But what I feel is nothing.

>>12586174
Blessed he be, creator of Death,
Eternal harmony between King and Ministrel,
Kingdom stripped of all feelings,
Wake up call of the spiritual man.

It sounds better in Frog though.

>>12588054
There's more to us than drinking, bud

>>12582980
based afrikaans poster

I have some foggy memories about a girl from my school who I was good friends with. This was in 4th grade. It was my first year outside of private school and she was my first friend at that school.

She would sit at the edge of the playground on the swing set. I would sit with her and talk about the books she had been reading. She was reading the Bell Jar. I asked her what it was about. She said something to about it me that I don't remember. Thinking back on it the book was probably given to her by the fucked up English teacher we had. She was precocious for her age, but probably not enough to understand this book on any meaningful level.

She moved schools at the end of fifth grade. It was sad because I had a crush on her, but I was just a child then so none of it mattered.

I had a class with her again in ninth grade. We had both changed a lot. I didn't talk to her at all, because I sat on the other side of class, next to my Jewish friend Jimmy.

I didn't have any other classes with her after ninth grade. I became good friends with the son of a Mormon Tycoon. I started chilling with him in sophomore year, mostly just smoking weed, stupid stuff like that. We became close Junior year.

One day, randomly he texted me telling me she died. The reason was suicide. He was torn up about it because he dated her in ninth grade, something I didn't know until now. The honest feeling I had in that moment was a sense of surprise but mostly anticlimax. I get stupid notifications on my phone all day. In a novel threads run parallel developing their own momentum, and then in one magical moment, the disparate threads join. This was a moment like that, except in real life. Real life is never like this. This was something that should have hit me like a train, but I experienced it through a plastic piece of Korean made shit, which sucks the sweet realness out of it for me.

>>12582823

A girl who I had a crush on in high school died a year after she graduated from mixing booze and barbiturates. My family made a memorial quilt for hers. Even seven years later, it's still sits on their couch in almost perfect condition.

idk what else to write about it.

>>12582823
I've never told anyone this, but about a year before you died I bargained your life to Satan in exchange for Diamond 3 in League of Legends. It wasn't personal, I mean you were pretty likely to die anyway, right? I used wish it was me instead of you.

>>12582823

A girl who I had a crush on in high school died a year after she graduated from mixing booze and barbiturates at a college party or something. She stopped breathing and died by the time the police arrived. My family made a memorial quilt for hers. Even seven years later, it's still sits on their couch in almost perfect condition.

idk what else to write about it.

>>12589150
Very self-absorbed post

Mom? Dad? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME

When a fire takes root in our world, there are methods we can learn to squelch the flames before they burn and consume everything they touch. We know to keep our heads low, breathe slow, shallow, breaths, and remain calm. We learn that to fight the fire, we must first remove the source of ignition, and then the fuel, before moving on to defeating the blaze. There are many methods we could use: burying, draping blankets, extinguishing devices, drowning in water or other materials, and more. When we cannot fight the fire, we use the shortest and safest route to safety, and close the windows and doors after us to slow its constant and destructive progress. Even when we, ourselves, catch fire we have learned to take action; we can stop, drop, and roll to end the burning and save our own lives.

We know all of these things, but when the fire alights on a friend, this knowledge fails us. As they burn and panic we pour on the attention and pressure. We tell them we know what’s best for them, they can choose not to burn, all they need is the right incentive. When we have the chance to stop the sparks before they become an all-consuming inferno, we gently work the bellows until the tinder is kindled and strengthened enough to sustain itself, even in our absence. We think, “Surely the smoke is a sign of progress, this is the challenge they need right now, they will be stronger for it in the end,” and as a result of our hapless foolishness their struggles are compounded. In our self-righteous attempts at aiding our friend we not only fail to remove the source and fuel of the fire, we become both, and accelerate the reaction as it spreads.
In time, we will all eventually come to accept that the fire is spreading, and we must make misguided attempts to fight it. We drape our friends in layers of blankets, slowly, one side at a time, and act surprised when each in turn catches flame and the burning continues unabated. Once in a rare while, our desperate and clumsy attempts seem to halt the advance of the maelstrom, and we congratulate ourselves on our victory, figuring the crucible behind them and danger past, though they fight on against it in spite of us. When their attempts to squelch the sizzling cacophony are inconvenient or distasteful to us, we presume it is our place to rebuke them, and set them back on the straight-and-narrow path to ash that we would project onto their lives.

>>12589301
When all those stupid, selfish, methods fail, we are no less quick to escape than before. When our disastrous remedies inevitably accomplish their singular ultimate result, the self-interested make their hurried escapes, closing every door and window behind them in the attempt to avoid facing the consequences of the choices they have made. These cowardly some sum the damages in dollars, count the costs of the collateral they have lost, and scalp the lot wholesale in a measured sacrifice of life and love that might cause Azazel to blush in shame. Those of them who do so flee remain ignorant of the ways of fire, or what it is to burn, though they are no slower to put the torch to others who they deem, by their own miscreated maths, worthy of their attentions.

The rest of us are left to muse and wonder: when those who bury sparks in soaked coals and drown embers in fuel oil catch fire, do they still stop, drop, and roll, or do they sit and scorch, patently oblivious to their own creeping calamity, as the incendiary future they chose for others devours them as well?

The Tempest tactfully begins,

Building, blowing, bending stems,

Sweeping, breaking branch and limb,

Spinning up the churn of cautionless winds.
The waters come and oceans swell,

The buoys clang out drowning bells,

The stars that you’d once trust to sail,

Are swallowed by the clouds.
Before, we knew it would appear,

The smell of storm fronts wafted here,

And as the gaping maw drew near

We lingered, we were proud.
We had our gods, we gave our trust,

That no matter how deep we were thrust,

We’d endure until the screaming gusts

Had left us no more bowed.
We had our hopes, we faced our fears,

Drowned in the salt of a trillion tears,

Left with broken bones and deafened ears,

The storm we weathered, weathered us.

Cady,

I love you, and I will never forgive you. I have only felt delirium since you did this to yourself, and did it to me too.

As you looked above and everyone looked down, I looked around and thought how funny it all was.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I was a small child who didn't understand. Disrespecting the person I respect the most, in a time when you couldn't defend yourself, I still look at myself in disgust when thinking back at it. Because of that stain, I think I've learned to cherish cleanliness and if you knew just how much you've changed me, I think you'd be proud, of me and yourself. Is it normal that people change us more when they're not there to influence us? When I think back, you always set aside your own priorities, always ready to help and making sure we felt content. A stoic knight with such poise and compassion that it brings tears to my eyes thinking back on how I acted. Unacceptable, but if it brings any comfort to you, I've tried following in your footsteps when it comes to being a person and I'll keep trying. I tried to visit you last Christmas, but got lost and couldn't find you from the thousands of candles, sorry about that.

I wish you died sooner.

>>12582823
An entire life lived, and only two stood above you as you were lowered into the ground, in a cold ceramic embrace, nothing left but granular little gray flakes. Your wife cursed you, your friends forgot you, and you only lived your last few years to grow old. Ever since your wife's brother died, on that fishing trip with only you as witness, you passed the days with a staunch commitment to routine. You were always quiet, but the silence of your absence has brought the entire family to dissolution. You were a rock where a man should have stood. A man I should have reached out to and got to know before time took its rightful toll. I will miss you, and always regret having not gotten to know you better. You deserved more than the legacy that now proceeds you grandfather. I gave you your last rights when no one else would, and I now I give you this anonymous eulogy, and whether it is read or not, I rest easier for having given it.

>>12582823
hey, sister. i'll be there soon.

Stop hovering around my bed at night and speaking things that are inaudible around me.

>>12582823
I know not how it happened; my news feed was full of condolences, eulogies, emotional outbursts, fond memories, yet none were able to state the cause of death. For a while I would google her name in the online obituaries, but would find nothing. Part of me felt unsatisfied in this state of unknowing, while another part violently chastised me for being so self-indulgent. Yet amongst all the speculation I was unable to find reprieve.

She was one of the few at work who didn't have to rely on crude bitching or backstabbing to keep herself entertained. She was a butch punk rocker from Brighton, one of the most sincere I have ever met. We would talk for hours after our shift, siphoning pints from the taps long after the bar was closed. We would talk about everything from music, to drug-fuelled binges, to our lowest moments. Perhaps the secrecy of her friends was due to the fact it was a drug overdose. She always seemed too young to die.

The last I saw her she was on her way to becoming a social worker. It is a tragic shame that she will never be able to give the help that she so sorely deserved.

>>12582893
>I wish I hadn't been so selfish and childish and short sighted. I wish I hadn't been a child.

This hit me like a ton of bricks. It reminds me of my grandfather.

Almost every day I wish I could have spent time with him as two adults. There's so much I should have done with him. I was just a kid too ignorant and scared of losing someone I loved.

If I could just talk to you again maybe I'd be able to learn not to hate myself anymore you were ironically the best at no showing anyone you hated yourself, except maybe yourself.

Maybe I'd have that one last chance at redemption, maybe I'd just be able to say goodbye one last time, and tell you that I'm sorry

Even though I never met you, and you spent the majority of your life an alcoholic and junkie, I'm happy to know your dying moments were spent clean and loved.

Is it rude or disrespectful to visit cemeteries to take pictures?

I'm still mad that people disrespected you when you died.
Because of how you "seemed" and looked.
A bunch of losers who judged you for being more of a chad than them. They seemed to imply you deserved it.
FUCK em.
You were special bro.

>>12588686
she and her mom were stabbed to death by R's younger sister

My grandfather claimed until the day he died that every dream he had ever had was about shit.

He would toss and turn and break out in cold sweats all night, and when my grandmother woke him up, he would claim
"I dreamed I was drowning in shit."
"I dreamed I was taking a huge shit."
"This time I dreamed I had to take a huge shit but couldn't find a toilet. So I took a shit it in the bushes."
My grandfather was not a shy man. At the yearly reunion he would be all too obliging to bring us up to speed, reciting his dreams to us like a prophet. His big, booming voice would roar with emotion, his face would contort into such grimaces that he could tell us each nights digestive journey with his big bushy eyebrows alone.
When the time for the funeral came, my uncle stayed the night at our house. In the morning he came to breakfast with a grand announcement.
"I've been having dreams about drowning in an ocean of shit."
And it begun. The kids went off to schools, then jobs, in an exodus that flung us across the country. Every once in a while, when fate or obligation brought brothers and cousins and aunts and uncles to one room, between the news and the niceties, the question was whispered, with ominous intensity and all the significance in the world, "Have you been having the dreams too?"
I'm going to go to bed now. I wonder what I'll dream about.

>>12586473
I had what sounds like an identical experience lately. I only even found out he'd died because a friend of both of ours saw a facebook post and sent me it.

>>12589301
I liked this.

Irgendwie lässt sich fast alles Unglück das Oma Ba, Mama, Charlotte und mir widerfahren ist auf dein Asthma und deine kaputte Leber zurückführen.
Ohne sie hätten dir Ba und Mama nicht dreizehn Jahre lang langsam beim krepieren zusehen mussten, Ba sich fast ins Grab gesoffen hat und erst aufhörte als der Krebs anfing sie umzubringen, und Mama wäre heute vermutlich nicht das Wrack welches sich mindestens einmal wöchentlich eine Pulle Wein leert und traurig fast betrunken auf dem Küchenstuhl einschläft.
Ich habe dich nie kennengelernt, Mama sagt aber gelengentlich ich sähe dir sehr ähnlich und dass wir uns gut verstanden hätten.
Ich hoffe du ruhst in Frieden, Ludolf.

>>12593562
Backstory?

>>12594808
basiert und rotgepillt

>>12582893
I'm sure she knew you loved her anon.
Nice writing

Dad.. a part of me will resent you for dying so young. I was looking back through family photos and it was hurtful seeing how young the rest of us were when you went. I look at my mum and my sister and feel the deepest pride. My sister is really an upright kid and has a good future and my mum persevered a lot of suffering. Did we fight? Sure but we were and are a brave family. All that's left to talk about is me. I needed you a son needs his father's permission to become a man and I think I've never reached manhood. For all the freedom I have it's choices has demanded too much. I need you desperately but I realize I must go on. You were far from a perfect man let alone a husband and father but as I get older I realize being a decent, even mediocre family man is a remarkable achievement. In that light I can salute you. Why did you leave so early?

I am.

>>12596001
Thank you, if I write anything good I will dedicate it to her memory, I'm lucky I had her to get me reading very early

See you soon, my dear friend.

>>12595982
wieso rotgepillt?

>>12583052
L O N D O N

>>12582980
you might be the first afrikaner ive seen on /lit/. my gf is afrikaans, i understand some of that. your grandmother’s grasping your small hand. where in SA do you live?

>>12583524
legit reads like a good short story. sorry about it

I never liked you, but I suppose I did.
Your crankiness and bitterness were strong enough to intimidate a child, and that intimidation gave way to reluctance, discomfort and fear - Feelings too heavy to understand at that age. Later came a distant kind of sadness.
I never really knew you, but most of the time I feel like I did.
I hope you are well, grandmother, wherever you are.

This gave me a measure of peace, thank you, op.

you sat across from me in social sciences. you were pretty, and when i’d get coffee from you in the library id ask how your essay was going if we had one assigned, and we’d joke about how behind we both were.
i’m told your roommate found you on the floor of the kitchen after a bottle of pills. your parents flew in for the reception.
i’ve tried, several times, to imagine your eyes, after you swallowed it all.

we met once, and that once when we were young and you freckled and I already too tall to be for you. we parted, I on a train to the American Southwest, and you yet remained in that pensive mist of the Midwest.
I saw you again, then, In that desert, well after I had grown in my shoulders to match my length and the old man had died. Your freckles remained, rouged. A karate sparring tournament, funnily enough. For the purple belt. Before even recognition, the giggles of a sort of kismet-feeling bubbled between us. And when the inevitable recognition followed, how we fell into each other like some sort of destiny, eternal.

You are Raina, my Wife.

i always liked the letter jim’s parents left him in 28 days later

with endless love we left you sleeping, now we’re joining you.
don’t wake up

Fuck you

Hope you are doing well Aunt LeAnne. I know you just died just earlier today from when the cancer striked back after all 3 decades. But now you are with Grandpa Dunn.

You died when I hardly knew you, out of the house when I was still learning to speak.
Even though our shared experiences were few, I knew you were struggling, even that I could tell.
Your appeance mimicked Marilyn Monroe, I can see that in the pictures I have of you.
Surely something like that means that you had dreams too? I can only imagine what you were thinking, what you were feeling.
It must have been terrible if you had to seperate youself from the family, and end it all alone.
I only have feelings of longing for you, why couldn't have I known you better? Is it selfish to say I have forever desired motherly love? When I visited your grave after Christmas, I felt as though I had mentally reverted to a child again, and sobbed painfully for the evening. Does a hole in the soul such as this ever get filled? If you not being here hurts this much, I truly wonder how much you were hurting to be able to take yourself away from me. I don't know you, but I love you, Mother.

>>12583056
i feel that dude

>>12583702
Sorry, but I had to fap to this.

>>12587456
So hell is purple. Hm. Could have been worse, but I can live with purple.

You were faithful and fretted not even in the face of impending death, holding steadfast to Christ. Alas, you were taken so young. Our interactions were sparse; just two people whose orbits happened to cross every so often. I was not a friend, not even an acquaintance but I lament your death more than even those of my closest friends and relatives for you, dear, were not yet 30 and unlike most people, did not deserve to die. I do not believe in God, an afterlife, or anything but the stoic composure in light of such a tragic diagnosis of brain cancer was beyond admiration. Ah! Before the diagnosis though. The looks in your eyes. Such sadness. A tragic loneliness. Those days before news of this development, I used to muse about potentialities that included a deeper friendship, imaging talking with one another more frequently, having coffee, perhaps visiting places from time to time, purely platonic. I looked forward to seeing you every so often when our lives with intersect. Sadly, life went a different direction, and I forgot you even existed until one day I learned the cancer had returned with vengeance and taken your life before I had even a chance to say goodbye.

Fuckin RIP my dude. We used to get so litty. I miss you bro

>>12589297
Son, what were we supposed to do? Stay behind and haunt you? By the way, it's time to clean your room.

Nicole,
34 is far too soon to die. So sick. So tired. You told me to go out with my friends, you said you wouldnt hold me back. I can only hope that you did pass in your sleep peacefully, on that couch you loved so much, i cant bare to sit there, for it is your spot and will always be your spot. I wish i could tell you how much i miss the sarcasim, the eye rolls at my stupid jokes, the way you rubbed my back and shoulders to ease away the stress of the day. I wish you could hear me tell you one more time how much i love you. You changed everything in my life for the better. Please be at peace. I miss you.

So many good posts in this thread. Maybe not good as in the writing's good, but they're real, they're honest and heartfelt, and so they're good. I will save this thread.

You had two kids, pussy.

Every day your voice becomes more difficult to remember. Thanks for the mustache, Dad.

>>12582823
You took me in your house when I was just an infant. You took care of me, taught me how to read and write, showed me what it truly means to be a man.
The old rusty bar from the village, that you use to go to after work, you took me on your lap and gave me a little sip of beer on the heated summer day.
You used to get on that shiny bike, and take me to school, each and every single day.
The little that you had, you shared with me. As grumpy as you were to the rest, you turned a blind eye on my misdeeds.
You never preached about God, even if you were a priest. You didn't yell not make me leave when I told you I can not believe.
You wanted me to stay when it was time for me to leave.
My only regret is that when you passed away, I never came to watch you as you left this world.
I'm sorry and I thank you Grandpa, for everything you did to me.

You died because you killed your liver on cheap cider.
And we all got drunk at your wake.
Sorry, Craig.

BUMP
U
M
P

>>12583565
kek

>>12582823
rip

Sorry Chuck, I know how alone you must have felt when you passed. Cancer's a bitch, eh? Hope you weren't in too much pain. I appreciated your words.

>>12582823
something for someone you know who died

>>12582823
I tol you not to do that brown heroin, you shit. Now look what you went and done. Miss you homie.

>>12583534
lost lmao

>>12600666
chekt

I regret not taking you outside more, but I gave you a good life and you did as much to me. I'll never forget you.

>>12582893
I hear you anon. You can't really blame yourself though, you were a kid being bombared with distractions the likes and saturation of which hadn't been seen before. If anything, it was up to your parents to focus your attention on what's truly important.

I head two great-aunts whom I loved dearly. The one who lived locally was still distant in her demeanor, yet was very generous to me nonetheless. I wish I'd grown up in a society that venerated elders... I saw her often, but I didn't have the proper respect and gratitude for her and her gifts. I was thankful of course, but it was somewhat taken for granted as well... I suppose it's the nature of youth to take things for granted, but still.

My other great-aunt was boisterous, a little batty -- and we were thick-as-thieves. She effortlessly induced laughter and joy in me whenever we were together, and displayed affection in an unselfconscious way which is atypical to my family. Unfortunately, she lived 'across the pond', so sometimes years would pass between seeing her. I wish I'd been in a position to move there for awhile... To be joyful with her in those later years.

I miss you both.

>>12582823
Paul
Why the fuck did you kill yourself
Maybe you were lying about not having groped that girl from ROTC
Maybe she made your life such a living hell with her bullshit
Not gonna try to find out.
It's weird, you think you know a guy and then be pulls some shit like
Shooting himself in the face on a Friday
When he knows his shitty French foreign exchange student roommates arent getting back until Tuesday evening

I resolved never to avoid showing friendship when I felt it

something something
im really writing to myself, because i changed in some way and the old me is dead