/lit/ - Literature

>>12342891
post the review

>>12342916
Is it cool to post it? they are a person somewhere

>>12342919
>they are a person
debatable

>>12342919
Anything anyone posts online is fair game to share around.

>>12342919
the point of a review is that other people read it...

K then

https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R12MNTOF0HE29W/ref=cm_cr_dp_d_rvw_ttl?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B07MKY7S5V

you must deliver, op. you can fuzz out their name if you need to.

>Catgirl Misaki the Vampire Hunter
An interesting title at least.

>>12342942
Damn op you got btfo

>>12342942
wow you did get btfo. they wrong either.

Do you have a pdf so I can read it and then write a review? I don’t want to start a free trial or whatever to read it on amazon.

>>12342963
https://pastebin.com/EJ4NuFV5

>>12342942
>https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R12MNTOF0HE29W/ref=cm_cr_dp_d_rvw_ttl?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B07MKY7S5V
I'm surprised anyone even read your story.

>>12342960
holy fucking based

>>12342960
Hoo boy

if this isn't incredibly potent bait, please try and work on punctuation...... no one wants to read.. this shit!!?

>>12342960
im hooked

I'm trying to convince myself this is just bait. What is the matter with you op?

>>12343064
>Rod Mitchell said defamatory things about the vermin under his breath
one of the best lines I have read in a while

>>12343064
Not bait. I don't know, I just wrote it.

I may not be a smart guy.

>>12343079
honestly op if you write shit like this on wattpad you might blow up, people unironically read shit like this. probably wont get much love here though

>>12343079
I think that can be said with certainty

>>12343079
Just work in your redaction, this is unreadable my god

>>12343064
>using abbreviations like "'em" in third-person narration
>he heard something in the bushes. He aimed his flashlight at the bushes
>prolly
>AAAAAaarrrgghh
>a dark character
>his flashlight! The flashlight

Fuck I can't stop laughing, thanks for the masterclass in how not to write OP

>>12343079
I think you're a very sweet man

>>12342942
Top kek

The next time some poster here cries about not getting published I'll remember that this is the type of "work" they are submitting.

>>12342891
HOLY SHIT OP THIS IS THE BEST THREAD IVE EVER SEEN ON LIT I REALLY MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>That title

>>12342891
Keep writing OP, I will give a positive review on your novella. Also are you a kid?

>>12342891
>>12342942
>Catgirl Misaki the Vampire Hunter

>>12343079
Honestly this is like the Confederacy of Dunces but for anime fanfics

It’s genius as long as you pretend you were being ironic. There are some good lines

>>12343157
Bad luck OP, Amazon doesn't 'deliver' a fucking ebook in my country.

>>12343064
OMG is the flashlight okay? Poor flashlight.

>>12343064
>bit into his neck under the stars and nighclouds
sounds like the guy has a very tattooed neck
also love the (((dark character)))

ever tried writing something ironic / very campy? it could be funny

>>12343190
That's because OP didn't list it on your country's store. It's not Amazon's fault.

>>12343219
>Suffered from dick Parkinson's
Holy shit

>>12343221
Okay Jeff

You should ghostwrite for a kid, OP

>>12343079
I love it, OP. It bleeds a sincerity which many others here could not match. Please keep true to yourself, and write more things like this, from your heart.

>>12343219
>she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment
this is beautiful

>>12343091
I'm probably not consistently prolific enough to be active in a writing community.
>>12343112
Sounds like a good idea. I have had some concentration issues pertaining to line editing these two-hour reads seeing as how editing takes two hours in itself which is no longer fun but just work.
>>12343116
So are u.
>>12343157
TY. & Not a child, just a childish theme I guess
>>12343172
Thanks. Don't think I've really tried, as I've never thought of trying to please an audience while writing these turds (wrote the six of them within the last three weeks.)
>>12343219
I don't think my humor would be fun D:
>>12343221
Rly? It's got world wide rights, tho.

>>12343219
>dick Parkinsons

>>12343267
I'm personally partial to "the soft pink petals of her clunge" and "she clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands"

>>12343079

I’m sorry to ask you this, but is English your first language? There are some very basic syntactical and dictionary mistakes in your writing.

>>12343340
There is? Which ones?

>>12343358
All of them.

OP here, tell if this story is any better
>https://pastebin.com/VwaHdXSC

^Not OP

>>12342891
Well, it's still better than Infinite Jest and Ulysses.

>>12342891
This is great writing. People here are just looking for dazzling anglo prose.
Keep with it, op.

>>12342891
OP you are based and I mean that sincerely for the first time on this site. Please keep doing what you are doing.

I love this thread.

>Even if OP is not the author, some Ethan Smithers somewhere wrote all of that shit
>And published it

>>12343064

>>12343453
Thanks if legit sincere

>>12343585
What if it's sincerely legit?

>>12343514
That guy looks like beebee890

Awesome thread. Keep it up OP

>>12343064
love the imagery!

Holy shit unironically based stroke posting. If you say it's an ironic book people will like it.

>>12343453
This but unironically

I'd give it a good rating for the reason it gave me a genuine laugh and would be worth reading if I ever needed to smile.

>>12343683
There are no images other than the screenshot of text.

>>12343219
This is an example of good bad writing. Take notes, OP.

>>12343875
This but unironically

>>12342891
OP's work is pure and of a much higher quality than anything you fags write. OP also seems like a lovely person. Good one OP.

>>12343064
>>12343219
kino

Ethan you fucking moron

Jesus christ OP wrote a gay santa love story. You're a shitty writer, you deserve none of anyone's attention or empathy.

https://www.amazon.com/Santas-Cute-Helper-Ethan-Smithers-ebook/dp/B07MPJS83R/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1546635572&sr=1-1

>>12344138
stop bullying OP, he's clearly trying to become another Chuck Tingle

>>12343280
OP, I'm kind of sad you didn't respond to my comment here >>12343266

Or that of these guys here >>12343427
>>12344033

But anyways I love you OP, you are a sweet soul like an anon said above, and you should continue to write with the sincerety you do.

>>12343064

>>12344138
someone please buy this and post screenshots

>>12342960
How long until this outsells the Bible?

>>12344237
Sorry.. thanks!
>>12344251
it'll be free 5th Jan

I'm really surprised my thread even got comments, and now I'm embarrassed.

>>12343219
>Torolf entered her like she was a lottery

>>12343079
Its comically bad. Read more and practice writing to yourself. Stop trying to get published

OP ignore the doting cunts in this thread who want to keep you in a perpetual immaturity. Continuing to write the way you do now will only earn you pity, not respect. You need to improve your writing.

>>12343064
This is basically Faulkner

>>12342960
HOLY...

>>12343219
>She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet
>Torolf (which was seriously his name)
>which made him even hotter - hotter for sex
>Torolf entered her like she was a lottery
>Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it
Find me a single line by Hemingway or Shakespeare that is as powerful as these

>>12344357
Shakespeare did have some powerful lines too

OP this is genuinely funny so it has that going for it, intentional or not good work

>>12343219
Why does the grammar and punctuation become noticeably better in the sex scene?

>>12344276
It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Read more books and learn how it's done.

>someone else puts my work up on Goodreads after I posted it here
>6 ratings, three-star average
Thanks, anons.

>>12344425
Maybe because the sex scene seems to have more effort put into it, with all the odd similes and broken metaphors.

Holy fuck. I'm sorry but you have no talent for stories like this. Anon, you have to ride with the wind, not against it. Make ironic books from now on, please.

>>12342942
>Catgirl Misaki the Vampire Hunter
Haahahahaha you're such a faggot Ethan holy shit. Why did you write a meme?

>>12344613
His last book is an lgbt love story

>>12342960
fuck me

Consider my sides obliterated

>>12344637
How would you re-write this line /lit/?

>>12342972
>”Fair enough, but he was still a person with his own dreams and his own family that you heartlessly took from him just to satisfy your sick and perverted desire, you creep,” Misaki Nocturne – a high school freshman with black hair, red eyes, black cat ears and black cat tail and 34DD boobs – said. Then she gave her arms a stretch by spinning them around and said to the vampire in the silence of the night, raising her fists: ”Come on, cut the bullcrap and let's go. I ain't got all night..”
I'm audibly laughing

i've thought about pretending to be a sperg and publishing ass for 4chan to laugh at

>>12343392
>Go vanish

aw anon it's okay, putting yourself out there with a name and everything like that takes a lot of courage, we all gotta start somewhere

knowing you wrote something "bad" gives you a chance to move on from it and write better stuff

keep your head up anon

>And it was so nice to be finally alone! The deepening blue city sky was lit with late evening's stars and he was surrounded by tall buildings, and a rattling train track and a noisy motor road. The trains themselves were quiet but the elevated track itself was not and the surrounding ambience provided an actually pretty nice background for his misogynistic feelings. While at home he had been always surrounded by one or two women. He had blue balls because of Sakura and how she constantly used this tool they use at the dentist's in order to spy on his baths and his online behavior, if you know what he means. And at school Rina was always tagging along. She was a nice person and he didn't hate it that Rina was there. Besides who hated female beauty and Rina was just as comfy and pleasurable to lay your eyes on every once in a while as any other woman, but she was there always, and his nerves were filled up to the brim with her bossy and self-assured double x chromosome beingness right now and therefore he loved the chilly evening air and just his own soul right now as his only companion, next to the late evening out here in the city.
I am in fucking tears right now

>The princess was a mudblood. I.e. not really enough vampire in order to be a vampire and not really human enough to be a, well ya guessed it, human. Like Nosuke was a human. And she was flat while Misaki really wasn't, not even close, and so at least Misaki could make boys cum with her tits alone and grant them that particular sensation which boys like too. In theory she could do the deed with her tits to boys. Boys like Nosuke was a boy!

dude . . .

>this is the guy who thinks your book is worth 1 star
LMAO

Try reading some more books too to get some inspiration. I recommend the harry potter books if you don't read much. Then, if you feel like you can, read some H.P Lovecraft books.

>>12344707
If someone were to read OP's book of course it would be some weirdo that also reads other amateur weeb fanfic shit.

>>12344700
I am convinced this is a form of postmodern art
please keep writing OP. read Hogg, I think it might spice up you're writing

>>12344707
This is pretty great thanks man

>”13.6 seconds?” Alizz asked.

>”Yeppers.”

>”Any idea why exactly 13.6 seconds, and not 13.5 or 13.7?”

>He shook his head.

>”Get outta here...”

>”Wasn't a lie, ya know.”

>”Yeah, but..if you really ain't full of shit then why, why, why do you have such a sleazy special power?” Alizz asked Nosuke while chuckling and almost scaring the kitten off as her chest shook from laughter but she didn't let the kitten jump off but instead kept her arms tightly around the small cat and thus prevented him from jumping off.
No one on this board is capable of this skill

>>12344718
What the fuck is this book?

>>12343294
>she clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands
This has layers of irony, im certain

>>12344651
Just turn it into more than one long incoherent sentence.

Are you tomy wisseau? This is the room levels of unintentional funny

>>12344741
>Despite the book's pornographic surface, respected authors have given it their endorsement. Norman Mailer, for instance, said "There is no question that Hogg by Samuel R. Delany is a serious book with literary merit."[7] J.G. Ballard, prolific speculative-fiction author and elder statesman of transgressive literature, also praised Delany's work, citing the medium of pornography as being the "most political form of fiction."[8]

>Author Dennis Cooper said in his collection Smothered in Hugs: Essays, Interviews, Feedback, and Obituaries that "Hogg is tiresome and indulgent" and that the "pace is molasses-slow". However, he also goes on to say that "the book is a highly charged object...[and] that's reason enough to recommend it." In the Preface to a later edition of "Smothered in Hugs," Cooper writes, "I now think Samuel Delany's "Hogg" is a great novel, and I don't know why I didn't realize that upon first reading."

>>12344707
edit: this man read and reviewed One Hundred (100) cheesy harem fantasy e-books. What a legend, I feel dumb for wasting my time on the Horus Heresy now. What a fucking Legend, perhaps even more powerful than OP himself.

Friendly warning that anyone who insults OP is gonna get the gun from me and the others who love him.

OP, please don't be embarassed or ashamed - even if the work does not meet the standards of conventional writing, it genuinely has a purity to it which few writers can reach. If I were you, I'd ask myself if I wanted to continue writing things producing unintended effects, or something which delivers exactly what you desire it to. Meaning, your present work is valuable as an exercise in irony, but if you were being serious with these texts, then you do need to improve and recognize certain flaws your work has at present. That said, it eould be terrific for you to become an ironic-writer, whose works revolved around consciously crafting absurd atmospheres, which seem unintentionally hilarious but are wholly by design.

Either way OP, never feel bad about yourself, and anyone here who tries to make you feel such is themselves the one who should feel bad for doing so.

>>12344761
>complete departure from the series
what the fuck is happening /lit/

>>12344759
Book authors are crazy, and I'm never visiting /lit/ again. I want to keep my sanity for just a bit longer.

Cats don’t have tear ducts

>>12344784

>>12344773
How does one get gud at lit?

>>12344357
>Torolf entered her like she was a lottery
I have no mouth and i must scream

>>12344777
I know right

>>12344033
This but unironically

>>12344773
Unearned praise can be more harmful in the long run than harsh criticism.

>this entire thread

This whole thread is very uplifting.

>>12344822
Tbh i found the excerpts of great comical value, you cant pretend to write like this, it takes a certain mindset

>>12344773
This but unironically

>>12344761
Can we please get selections from these two books?

>>12344877
>thot slaying mimic
picked up

This is the book?
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43429548-catgirl-misaki-the-vampire-hunter?from_search=true

This is genuinely the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Also I unironically like the cover art.

>If you're now thinking that his life was like some anime series – what with the dead parents and superpowers and female childhood friends – guess again: it was all a coincidence because he was a real person living out an ordinary life that was far from fun. His superpower really was real! But he had thought about his situation often, and how it was like magical realism in that he had that superpower and he happened to be a high schooler, just like in anime, which he of course watched like the next guy. But anime this was not because he had to go to real school, Kerrinton Private High, Kerrinton being the district his school was in, and boringly realistically.
What the fuck were you thinking?

How hard is it to post one of my books on amazon?

>>12345043
Two clicks away probably

This thread has inspired me to just write, whether or not it’s good. Thanks OP

Anyone defending this is a psued axting like they "get it" because it's "honest". Praising the shit of the world isn't a virtue.

OP tell us some of your favourite books

>>12344832
This but unironically

what did you mean by this?

>>12345080
The first paragraph is fucking genius. Like literal comic perfection. OP is a savant.

>>12345080
It just outlines the story's fictional paradigm

>>12345080
The second paragraph is no joke fantastic. Amazing rhythm and flirting with the sort of schizo-drivel that still maintains a thread of coherency to it.

>>12345043
Really quite simple, KDP will walk you through the relatively painless process. The most difficult aspect will likely be formatting, as just exporting whatever text file into an E-Reader friendly format may create ugly artifacts.

>>12345080
holy shit it just gets better

>>12345073
I don't read

>>12345080
I wouldn't be surprised if OP was an extraterrestrial.

>>12342960
Jesus suffering fuck OP.

>>12345226
>I write like James Joyce

>>12344033
based

shes hot though

>This book must have been written by a tween for tweens about tweens . Even as a free book it costs to much its kinda Japanese in a vague sorta way but it’s mostly terrible in a definite sorta way...phew

>>12345080
Second paragraph is kino

>>12345196
There's your problem. Honestly, your vocabulary isn't bad, but your prose looks like it was written by an elementary schooler.

>>12345306
Is this your art OP?

Hot.

>>12343219
best thing I've read all year

>>12342960
This is unironically a stroke of genius. A revolutionary style of writing, if I may.

>>12342972
You're a very sincere person, too kind for this site.
You might be able to write a good comedy with a style like this.

>>12343340
If English is his first language, it's probably just autism.

>>12342891
Can somebody screencap this thread?

>>12342891
>>12342942
>>12343079

Keep writing, OP. It's a craft that takes years of practice and effort.

>>12343219
>soft pink pedals of her clunge
It's impossible that you cannot see the dissonance here. 10/10 OP

>>12342891
I haven't laughed so much in years

Thread of the fucking year

>>12345880
It's only been a few days in.

>>12344773
based goodheartedanon

>>12345963
And it's all downhill from here

Put me in screencap pls

OP, this is my first post in 5 years and i just wanted to ask,would like to be my frend?

>>12346271
k

>>12342891
this thread

>>12342942

>>12346775
kek

did I ever tell you guys I love you

>>12346641
Aw, so cute! Who is this? I just want to kiss her on her forehead C:

I keep finding wrong words and typos now that I'm going through my texts. There is always a day's wait when updating on amazon so if you guys become an amazon author I recommend that you edit the whole text at once in case you are ocd or otherwise you'll need to wait like 24 hours or something before you'll get to update your text file.

congratulations on helping 4channers continue to degenerate into goons by giving them some moderately bad shit to cluck and peck at
(which nevertheless sprung directly from their loins and is honestly the kind of shit most of them would probably write if they weren't neutered by crippling self-consciousness)

>>12346858
oh, and to mitigate the effects of this crippling self-consciousness, they'll glom onto some smart-signalling bullshit and filter everything through that. for goons it was "theory" and commie horseshit and for us it's gonna be like esoteric catholic fascist shit i think

you should work harder on your craft, friend. Do better.

>>12345441
From the shitty cropping of image, I can confirm OP could not draw it.

>>12346933
Is there a board where I could find someone to generate art for some of my stuff? I'm willing to pay.

>She didn't say anything. Instead he just landed a tap on his buttock with her palm, kind of a weird move; and then she took the kitten whose name was yet to be decided and left his room with it, closing the door behind her. Sigh, he felt; Rina will definitely learn about Alizz now and Alizz didn't seem to give a flying fuck that she will – nor that Misaki will – was this one like his girlfriend now or something??? Sure looked like it but he knew next to nothing about girls, or girlfriends, or what to do with one in case you found yourself in a relationship.
Literally me

>>12346858
LOL DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THIS FORUM EPIC *wrestling the gun out of an officer's hand so I can shoot myself*

I have been on 4chan for well over a decade and this might be one of the best threads I have ever seen.

OP please keep posting here. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time

>She now saw with her bare eyes how one of the assholes, a vampire, slowly approached a hospital bed – with a sick child lying petrified in it while not understanding what's going on. Yep: she was pissed off.

>”And just what in the name of Mother Mary are you doing in his room, you twat?” she asked the V.

>”What do ya want? Looks like I'm gonna have a feast tonight. First I'll drink his blood and then I'll rape your fucking asshole.”
The tension of this scene rocks me to my core

>>12347125
>The tension of this scene rocks me to my core. Completely to the core. But not really. You know what I mean.

>>12345080

what in the hell

Can OP or anyone who as read the whole thing give us a summary?

>Astalea had once kicked Wrait while they had been training so hard in the nuts that Wrait had seen several universes of sheer pain at once
Fucking hot

This is how it ends
>She sipped wine. These two martial artists were interesting people. Was she better than them? To be honest there was no way to know other than finding out in practice which wasn't today: but Astalea probably was the best one out of them three. Probably. The king had passed down so many lineages onto Astalea that she was a deity. Like, a cambion could slow down and even stop aging if she wanted; and Astalea would stay her age most likely: but only if she wanted to. Astalea was still a vampire just like Astalea was a mortal, and a lot of things could be accomplished with these martial art lineages they possessed in their beings. But it was all so complicated, life and whatnot, that it was best to just sip wine and let Wrait make her next move. (Hopefully it will be on top of her later today.)

Stoicism.

>>12347374
Here is the ending for you.
>Astalea was still a vampire just like Astalea was a mortal, and a lot of things could be accomplished with these martial art lineages they possessed in their beings. But it was all so complicated, life and whatnot, that it was best to just sip wine and let Wrait make her next move. (Hopefully it will be on top of her later today.)

I apologize for the bad language. I am aware of all the wrong words, but still, when typing ride (noun) I have typed drive (verb) and a box of tissue I have managed to write bag of tissues and so on, because of the three letters and b. And of course I've never edited. So I guess one either edits or not...

>>12344287
lmao

>>12345080
first paragraph is good

he may be on to something

>>12347436
Oh and I found in instead of on and similar ones, i and o being next to each other on the keyboard. God it really takes easily ten hours just to edit 50,000 words ;_;

>>12345080
I'm unironically impressed

>>12347540
thanks <3

good night /lit/

(I feel bad for not having edited, didn't realized I'd get replies. Think I'll see nightmares now.)

>>12347603
Good night OP. If you made a bunch of degenerate faggots on a austro-hungarian pictogram chat board to somehow like your shit, the sky is the limit.

>>12342942
>Even as a free book it costs to much
>its kinda Japanese in a vague sorta way but it’s mostly terrible in a definite sorta way
lmfao

Mom I'm on the cap

>>12342891
>>12342960
>>12343064
>>12343219
>>12344637
>>12344718
>>12344948
>>12345080
>>12345455

OP this has got to be the funniest thing on the internet I have read for some time.

I applaud your efforts, don't stop reaching for that rainbow.

>>12345080
>whose innie between her legs was a katana stab
my fukin sides

>mfw
truly the highest IQ board on 4channel

>>12343079
Keep reaching for the top!

>>12344695
>if you know what he means

>>12342960
>satanic vampire catgirls on mars

>>12342960
tihs is uinmrionically good

>>12345080
Why is this actually good?
What's going on?

>>12342960
Is it just me or does this sound like L Ron Hubbard?

>>12346775
I smekek'd

>>12342942
>its kinda Japanese in a vague sorta way but it’s mostly terrible in a definite sorta way

brutal and, doubtless, accurate

>>12347967
Is it possible OP could improve without losing his streak of alien genius?

>>12342942
>10 people found this helpful
it's possible OP shouldn't have posted this

>>12342960
>>12343064
This is probably terrible but I feel there's a 2% chance it's secretly great

>>12347995
Probably? If the style of his writing comes from some aspect of his being or personality, then its pretty much impossible to get rid of that entirely. However, the danger would be that if OP learns too much convential wisdom, which is good and useful as a general rule but not an absolute, then he may come recognize the more absurd (read, impressive) aspects of his style as a negative, when in fact they are a positive. My advice to him would to be cautious when absorbing the conventional wisdoms of literature, and not be afraid to go against the norm. It is better to understand the rules than to adhere to them. If he can retain the surreal stream of consciousness nature of his work while improving the content and his ability to communicate ideas/images, he'll be golden.

>>12345080
Why is this so compelling?

>>12342891

I feel like Microsoft Word doesn't like you much.

>>12342960
holy...i want more

Can someone save this thread and repost it to pastein? This is bananas AF.

>>12348055
I thought about maybe giving some author recommendations, but i am genuinely drawing a blank as to who might be interesting to him.

>>12342960
lol this is kinda good but in a bad way like when you get a bag of potato chips and it tastes like relative shit but you keep wanting to explore the taste so you eat a whole bag.

>>12343079
keep writing lad forever

>>12345826
that one's not by OP, I posted it as an example of ironic writing

Please keep writing

>>12345080
>he would see faces in movies, on TV, in magazines, and in books
>he thought that some of these faces might be right for him

>>12342960
>sunless night when it was nighttime

>>12343064
>AAAAAaarrrggh!!?

>>12346961
The internet is full of shitty artists locking for commisions. I bet you can find some on >>>/ic/ or >>>/gd/

>>12343079

people often mistake genius for autism, my friend. do not be alarmed, in due course it will be realized.

>she clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands

holy shit, even with her hands?!

>>12342942
>Catgirl Misaki the Vampire Hunter

>>12342960
lmao this is fucking great

>>12343079
Your mistake was to publish your fan fiction / web novel tier story on amazon, instead of on fan fiction / web novel site.

>>12342942
Make it available in Canada faggot

Is this in goodreads? I really want to promote it there

>>12342960
Based and Red(planet)pilled

>>12343484
>He has published 6 (SIX) books and I have published no (ZERO) books

>>12344761
Can we get a Nailtek8 approved chart? I need books that can help me increase my sexual desirability in the eyes of mentally deranged teenagers.

>>12342960
This is revolutionary.

>>12344773
The rest of 4chan
>OP, your work is laughably atrocious

This guy
>Hey OP, continue to publish terrible work but pretend it's ironic so you can join in the laughter too

Who was in the right?

>>12348746
>just pretend your hack fraud work was ironic
They can't keep getting away with it!

>>12348564
That's obviously deliberate humour and not OP's work, ya dip

>>12345020
>mfw this entire book is a post-ironical deconstruction of the nature of children to self-insert as fantasy archetypes.

>>12343064
There's just so much going on here, it's riveting

Shine on, OP

>>12345080
Ladies and gentlemen, this is what schizophrenia looks like.

>>12345080
>her body didn't grow hair below her eyebrows, so nothing more needs to be said about body hair
The matter was already settled OP. Why did you keep going?

>>12345080
is this what outsider literature looks like?
it's so surreal

>>12344761
>Edit

>Reddit

>>12346840
it's better with the typos OP

A post-mortem tour de france, if I may say so myself
OP is clearly a bit of a retard, and sexually quite confused.
Also, on Goodreads there's a book by him that isn't on Amazon, called "Young Lives", and the cover is downright creepy.

>>12345080
This reads like if an Alien was forced to live on Earth for all his life but he never really fit in

>>12348951
I reused Young Lives's plot so I scrapped it

I seem challenged but I swear they are typos. And I just edited a text file and then uploaded the changes, and then found another triggering typo/error right after in the same text file, and now I'd need to wait for 24h to reupload. Wish I had never made this thread. But guess I'll just forget about literature and start making movies instead...

>>12349175
No, man. Please continue writing. This is actually very entertaining and there are some serious signs of talent in these writings.

>>12349175
>start making movies instead...
ok, it was a fun bait OP, you guided us to the forbidden treasures of weeb fiction, but you became far, far too obvious

>>12343358
Well we can start right here in this post with parallel structure.

>>12349194
Well thanks. I wrote them hastily and they are just first drafts technically. And Misaki is a wannabe light novel technically (without pictures) which is why it's so weeby.

Guess it's not that hard to just sit down and write an ecchi plot so anyone could easily produce something 'interesting' using literature or VN as a medium I suspect.

Maybe someone else'll now produce the great American visual novel. Or just novel.

Semper fi, thread.

>OP had enough confidence to publish this
>meanwhile I'm too scared to even put my shit on pastebin
this is true suffering.

>>12349175
OP please keep writing and posting your work here. Do not take to much advice to heart, your work is fine the way it is. It just needs polishing.

>>12344718

Holy shit I love this. Better than Burroughs.

I wish I was a publisher so I could take everything op has written, stick it together in one big book, give it a freaky, avant-garde title and front cover, and promote it as the next phase in literature.

>>12342960
>yfw OP is more of a successful author than any of us.

>>12345080
I'm unironically envious. This is genius.

OP Please provide a summary

>>12344651
small town. At the center lay the iconic Lake Okabena, frozen solid this time of year.

Lucian Grove, a seventeen year old high schooler, had lived in this frosty, backwards town since birth.

There, I'm no Shakespeare either but OP is on another level.

>>12342960

>i.e.

>>12349267
Let's just say IQ and confidence are inversely correlated up until a certain point where you start gaining real ability. Basically the dunning kruger effect

>>12349502
Ironically you are misusing "IQ" for "ability". Dunning-Kruger-Effect strikes again.

>>12349610
what's the difference, honestly? Without a sufficiently high IQ in a certain area you'll never be an expert. You can't deny it

>>12349088
It just looks like some pedo shit.

>>12349175
m8, your "mistakes" are way bigger than typos
But, on the other hand, I have to say that there is a weird sort of creativity in there. I'd kill to be able to compare a university building in the night to Auschwitz. Your longer sentences are like a semantic roller-coaster.
Your writing is bad, but it's such a specific form of bad it's absolutely fascinating and probably has a grain of genius in it.
Sadly, now you're probably too self-conscious about the whole thing to keep writing like that. Could you pls just upload the .docs somewhere?

>>12345080
wish i could write as great as this, unbeatable prose

>>12349687
Let's see some of your writing

>>12349700
Why?

>>12349709
So we'll know what good writing is like

>>12349723
1. you don't have to be a good writer to recognize bad writing
2. are you actually implying that OP is a good writer in the typical sense of the word?

>>12349727
3. nothing is that important, you can always practice practice practice

This is why no one ever shares anything they care about on 4chan. Goddamn.
OP, you aren't the best writer, but at least you wrote something and published it.

>>12349759
>OP, you aren't the best writer
objectively wrong

>>12345080
OP, you are genuinely talented. I am not jesting, you are legitimately in possession of a supremely unique style. Reading your prose, there is an effortlessly dreamy feeling create, which instantly carries me along with it like a psychedelic breeze. Keep writing OP, and don't ever try to be like another artist - you are in possession of something vastly more special than most of the James Joyce or DFW wannabe's on here, and if you threw away your uniqueness it would be a terrible tragedy.

>>12349267
share pastebin

>>12349798
Thanks. I am aware of prepositions

>Thida works *at* the market.
>This coffee’s *for* Luca!
>Alejandro lives *in* Peru.
>Agnieszka’s *on* the bus.
>Mika’s listening *to* J-pop again.

But still my brain keeps using prepositions wrong; I never realized this until I went back to my text files after this thread suddenly didn't 404 within the first five minutes unlike how I had imagined it will.

And then there are some other issues, like extra words or missing words that I keep finding in my first drafts and other such mistakes, and also literal grammar mistakes like ppl pointed out and typos in general. But, of course, if I just drafted and edited and structural edited and then line edited and maybe even rewrote the whole mss I could always try to write something seriously I guess... I am not retarded or anything, you could say that I am aware of everything and mindful of everything and pretty much every second of my life, like the Buddha might have been. But then again I suck at English. I'm so sorry. I should write a gay story...maybe...or some tween sex stuff.

>>12348170

Depends on what he's going for. I doubt he'd want to read much of the sprawling postmodern books we call memes but if he could glean their sense of style and grammar it would help.

But I don't take OP as the chap who'd have the patience for that, so he should get a ton of YA which I can't specifically recommend because I don't read it. Maybe stephen king, including On Writing.

As bad as it is, there is some sense of aesthetic here that could shine with even a sliver of diligence OP has admitted to not having used. And, there is energy. You can't teach that.

>>12349866
op you are retarded we have no idea what you are on about but that’s what makes this so good

When I read your work there’s no pseud or trite qualities in this entire retarded quasi-ironic schizobabble

>>12349866
>like extra words or missing words that I keep finding in my first drafts
I 100% know that feel
it jut happens, no biggie OP, but that's why you edit stuff.

>>12349889
I've read On Writing
King basically admits he doesn't outline and you recommend it.. strange.

>>12349915
Yes, you've read those Ethan Smithers stories but you've never read my real writing

>>12348564
There's a name for this particular literary device but I can't think what it is

>>12344287
does this mean with very low expectations?

>>12348606
>Is this in goodreads? I really want to promote it there
Yes. Here.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43429548-catgirl-misaki-the-vampire-hunter?from_search=true

>>12348755
Poe's Law is in full effect. Nothing is obvious.

Shamelessly promoting my own project - it's called 'Negritunidal points of non-reference'. Giv feedback plox

>>12348781
>Shine on, OP
When did "shine on" stop being an insult?

>>12349982
Meh, predictable.

>>12349982
Started out good and progressively got worse.

>>12349982
I'm hooked, I want to know what happens next. It's like Naked Lunch except for the current political generation and actually arousing.

>>12342942
>>12342960
OH NONONONO HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA

>>12349982
This is the definition of the prose being too good for the writing. The satirical writing itself is very predictable and the plot feels dry compared to OP's writing which is pretty fucking shitty but so genuinely honest that it just fits. Your prose is too good for writing shit like this and what makes OP's writing so hilarious isn't that it includes catgirls on mars, but absurdly long tangents about random stuff that's just barely coherent enough to follow which creates this psychedelic flow straight out of a biography about a schizophrenic man.

>>12350032
>absurdly long tangents
>books are 15k-50k words
Bitch please

>>12349982
Mildly based

>>12350043
Read this for a good example >>12345080

>>12350055
World building.

Rand explained her objectivism via a 70 page radio speech in Atlas Shrugged.

Had I done the same there would have been no pages left for anything else in that novella. But surely the fictional afterlife of the story needs more than just a couple paragraphs to truly become familiar to the reader.

Riddled with bad language? Yes. But with overly long tangents? I'm not so sure... unless you know better. World building is a thing. Readers demand some telling and not just showing in the context or else they think they are on earth.

>>12342960
OP you are coming off as trying to sound really clever but are sounding like a twat. Are you trying to do a Douglas Adams impression? You are WAY too round about in your prose.

>>12350089
The whole thing reads like a fever dream. It's really difficult keeping up since it feels like the original writer has some issues keeping a train of thought. Second paragraph establishes the interdimensional afterlife shit but it's also clogged with the abrupt and sudden multi-sentence tangent about something unrelated to what's being written.

>Young adults by a stretch of imagination but not like adult men like, say Dad had looked when he was an earthworm. Earthworm wasn't a word used of people who live down on earth she made it up just now, she swears, but speaking of worms, the boys' penises were on the contrary big, so, let's forget about the fallacious word "worm".

It's a barrage of exposition that never ends where the author just goes from one line of thought to another like a crazy estranged uncle that goes from topic to topic without finishing his previous thoughts.

>and her body didn't grow hair below her eyebrows, so nothing more needs to be said about body hair, and even if her body hair did grow, lazily; if she exaggerated just a tiny bit, it wasn't like there were hair below her eyebrows.

>>12350131
No, it's just the introduction. Never thought it might insult so many intellects and so gravely. How would you write it?

From now on, should I ever write again, I will avoid all mistakes and also go back to edit the previous books when I got time/energy and then upload second editions of them. Granted, only one person has actually bought one of the six $0.99 ebooks, leaving me with the hefty sum of $0.33 in royalties, so why would I even bother I should probably wonder. But maybe in order to get better.

>>12350131
objectively wrong

>>12349938
how did you go from
>im not very smart
to full on dunning kruger in the span of a single thread?

>>12350032
>but absurdly long tangents about random stuff that's just barely coherent enough to follow which creates this psychedelic flow straight out of a biography about a schizophrenic man
i couldn't have worded that better

>>12350224
Um, that's not what I tried to say, but just that I have in the past spent several months on writing a single and longer although not good manuscript. Or a couple such involved manuscripts actually. I never got published. But these ones I wrote in like three weeks if memory serves. The problem with my novel manuscripts was that they were magical realism which is typically a no-no (unless really good ofc).

>>12350219
jesus christ OP do you have multiple personalities?
are you just larping as OP?

how the fuck are you the same person as
>>12342891
>>12343280
>>12343079

also why the fuck do you keep saying you're never going to write again? and that, if you do, you are going to remove all the things that make these stories "good"

also
>>12349938
no, it doesn't matter, it's quite evident you are a moron. you just need to embrace it and don't be surprised when people view your work as ironic when you clearly didn't mean it to be

>>12349942
>49942▶
>>>12348564
>There's a name for this particular literary device but I can't think what it is
Syllepsis, a subtype of zeugma.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeugma_and_syllepsis#Syllepsis..

>>12350284
>jesus christ OP do you have multiple personalities?
Nah, just moody. Amazing how you recognize such things about people based on their text only, though, which might mean that you are way better at writing than me which on the other hand wouldn't surprise me, and indeed anyone it seems. :)

>also why the fuck do you keep saying you're never going to write again? and that, if you do, you are going to remove all the things that make these stories "good"
Cuz there are arguably bigger & better things. But writing is fun as long as no one reads you; fun inside your mind. But once you need to a) use perfect language and b) make sense in general the magic sort of begins to wear off and you'll then need to be like writers which might be really hard.. but hopefully not in the sense that we are discussing Amazon toilet paper here and not, say, visual novels. Visual novels got similar errors too, though, as I have found (an a lot of them) and even on Steam but you know how the best ones are pretty clean and it frightens me how much work it must take to edit those ones which got 500k+ words, not to mention making them readily understandable.
>no, it doesn't matter, it's quite evident you are a moron. you just need to embrace it and don't be surprised when people view your work as ironic when you clearly didn't mean it to be
Maybe.

>>12350315
your comment writing style is exactly like your novel and it's fucking hilarious

>>12350325
What do you want me to do? Juggle a dozen balls?

>>12350315
It's fun if you do it only a little but then it gets hard and it's not so much fun anymore. this is true for everything.

>>12350315
>it frightens me how much work
>>12350366
just be happy there is more to learn. if it's fun for you you could spend a lifetime with your art.

>>12350380
you know, like this
http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/dweck

or like seth godin's the dip book.

or browse another board and see that they think the same. "drawing isn't fun anymore" "i don't know what to take photos of"

>>12350315
Where are you from OP? India?

>>12350396
India yes

>>12350424

I want a hardcover edition, unironically. Please keep this up.

OP leaving /lit/ now

I hardly ever browse this board as I'm from /b/. But thanks for your kind words ya'll. <3 Even if irony

>>12347846
Absolutely fucking based

>>12350484
nooo pls anon can't you put your other texts on pastebin or something?

>>12350484
Please come back occasionally friend and tell us about your future projects.
also
>I'm from /b/
Why am I not suprised?

>>12342960
K I'm probably going to read this.

this thread is obviously bait but somewhere out there a guy named ethan smithers has touched my soul with his writing.
bless him

>>12350553
>>12350680
Thanks guys.

And it's OK, I think I can write now. I am now aware of the prose, rhyme and even the highest and most hidden nuances of the English language. I could write my novel in iambic pentameter.

>>12350852
>I could write my novel in iambic pentameter.
Please do, I'd love to see an epic poem by Ethan Smithers

>>12350865
It's easy: just copy Shakespeare

>>12350131
>t. Nailtek8

>>12350315
OP please post here everyday

OP your cat-frog image is so cute, did you make it yourself? also, it's so fitting with your post.

>>12351487
>implying I can do anything

I think OP will be the one to write the next great work of literature that will make the normies lick his feet.

>>12344718
>>12344759
Is Hogg an autobiography? Just look at the guy

>>12351583
https://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Super-Shorts-Readers-Favorite-ebook/dp/B00NB2BXTQ/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1546729726&sr=1-4&keywords=sex+short+story+free

Why not this guy?

>>12350315
People like you are honestly the last saving grace of /lit/.
Meaning actual people who write what they feel like and not just the same ironic shitposting about dead men.