/lit/ - Literature

>>12278226
When I was a kid I used to start fires with toy trainset

There were moments
Apparently trivial
To me
I miss those moments.

jem

was it always this bad?
or rather,
will it get better?
I suppose that's up to me to decide

Only coffee makes me feel anything anymore, and only briefly.

>>12278226
after i had finished ejaculating, i just looked down; i was waiting for it to be over; this existence--this paltry, meaningless existence of repetition, tedium, cyclical envy, and astronomical annihilation; as i watched the sweat and semen molecules drip out of my orifice-sized hole (the cavity with which my life endured breath, disease, and anguish), i found myself pondering something metaphoric in weight and stability: i looked at the languid, limp flower in between my legs as it bent, diminished, shortened back into its shell: when we reach the epiphanic high point, we are at the zenith; we have reached the zenith: when i'm masturbating over you, baby (~~even after six months since you left) i am the king of macedonia; i am the macedonian king ready to embark on my schooner toward the hellenistic kingdoms of which i am about to conquer and rape; and baby, i think of you; but when the blood is rushing and i'm on my run; when my whole body quivers and vacillates in excitement of the inevitable and of the ineffable i am about to issue, i am God; and then...then....my love....comes the nadir

i hope to see you soon; i hope to find you soon

yours, while this machine still is to him

~~~~laertes

>>12278226
My capacity for joy has been steadily declining since I gained consciousness

She doesn't like me despite what I felt were clear and obvious signals. If my perception of reality is this distorted, what else am I wrong about?

Women are the ideal vectors of counter-initiation and the culture of narcissism. If you simplify things a lot, they are the biggest "want" in society, they are ubiquitous and impossible to avoid, their faces alone can be used to sell products, they are infinitely varied and always tantalizing so they are difficult to guard against in a single oath (in the way one can at least go "I will never drink alcohol again," and not be tempted by liquor and more than beer or wine). They can be conveniently programmed to have whatever standards you want, so most men will obey those standards and be distorted and degenerated.

This society has effectively programmed women to only be satisfied by bizarre caricatures of masculinity, hypertrophied in strange inhuman ways, with no room for an actual person underneath. Men who "perform" their twisted hyper-masculinity constantly, by being living avatars of success, fame, fortune, power, in the way that the manicured image of a celebrity does, because you never have to see the celebrity's ordinary human side. It's taught women to love living manifestations of only the worst parts of their own unconscious archetypes of ideal masculinity. Those parts are supposed to be there, in the way that men are supposed to have ooga booga jungle lust for vagina dentata archetypical femme fatales or the archetypal ezebel whore who is nothing but living sexuality, but you're not supposed to actually concretize those things and expect them from real human beings.

Because of the economy of sexual desire, any archetypes women project will be unconsciously obeyed by men, who will twist themselves to conform to them. Women now have heads full of rap music, Mad Men-esque caricatures of "perfectly suave, perfectly witty, leader of men, never makes a mistake, never loses composure, reminds me of daddy, taller than me, perfectly built, suit always fits perfectly and never wrinkles" living avatars of masculine charisma. Add to that their addled endocrine systems, which are probably making them ovulate for silverback gorilla dick 24/7. Their unrealistic conscious expectations of wealth and success are only the tip of this massive fucking iceberg.

There is no winning move against this. You can come up with survival strategies, like actually trying to "be yourself," but you will constantly be making at least some concessions in that regard. It's already inherently phony to message fifty girls and say "Haha hey I like The Office too" when you don't even really like The Office. The uglier or shorter you are, the more you have to hide and distort your real self to perform, the more you have to embody weird priapian tropes. And most men think this is normal and good. They think that "correctly embodying the tropes" = "being normal" = "being happy." They create an entire false self, and any chance at having a real self withers in the background.

>>12278271
You’re ready

Women are the ideal vectors of counter-initiation and the culture of narcissism. If you simplify things a lot, they are the biggest "want" in society, they are ubiquitous and impossible to avoid, their faces alone can be used to sell products, they are infinitely varied and always tantalizing so they are difficult to guard against in a single oath (in the way one can at least go "I will never drink alcohol again," and not be tempted by liquor any more than beer or wine). They can be conveniently programmed to have whatever standards you want, so most men will obey those standards and be distorted and degenerated.

This society has effectively programmed women to only be satisfied by bizarre caricatures of masculinity, hypertrophied in strange inhuman ways, with no room for an actual person underneath. Men who "perform" their twisted hyper-masculinity constantly, by being living avatars of success, fame, fortune, power, in the way that the manicured image of a celebrity does, because you never have to see the celebrity's ordinary human side. It's taught women to love living manifestations of only the worst parts of their own unconscious archetypes of ideal masculinity. Those parts are supposed to be there, in the way that men are supposed to have ooga booga jungle lust for vagina dentata archetypical femme fatales or the archetypal jezebel whore who is nothing but living sexuality, but you're not supposed to actually concretize those things and expect them from real human beings.

Because of the economy of sexual desire, any archetypes women project will be unconsciously obeyed by men, who will twist themselves to conform to them. Women now have heads full of rap music, Mad Men-esque caricatures of "perfectly suave, perfectly witty, leader of men, never makes a mistake, never loses composure, reminds me of daddy, taller than me, perfectly built, suit always fits perfectly and never wrinkles" living avatars of masculine charisma. Add to that their addled endocrine systems, which are probably making them ovulate for silverback gorilla dick 24/7. Their unrealistic conscious expectations of wealth and success are only the tip of this massive fucking iceberg.

There is no winning move against this. You can come up with survival strategies, like actually trying to "be yourself," but you will constantly be making at least some concessions in that regard. It's already inherently phony to message fifty girls and say "Haha hey I like The Office too" when you don't even really like The Office. The uglier or shorter you are, the more you have to hide and distort your real self to perform, the more you have to embody weird priapian tropes. And most men think this is normal and good. They think that "correctly embodying the tropes" = "being normal" = "being happy." They create an entire false self, and any chance at having a real self withers in the background.

>>12278388
Not to be a dick but this strikes heavily as armchair theorizing

>>12278405
Nobody on this website is making armchair money

I was walking down the street when a lamppost exploded next to me. The shrapnel shredded my side and back. That's what my friend told me when I woke up in the hospital. She told me there's over 400 stitches altogether. Her face looked stupid, and I wanted to punch her repeatedly in the mouth. I'm a damn antinatalist. Why did call the ambulance for someone who wants nothing of this rock? F*ck.

>>12278388
the voice of a generation. gah, so based.

Have a good Christmas eve everyone.

Writing sucks and school is for chumps

>>12278461
Thanks. I hope you have a good Christmas Eve as well. God bless you and your family.

>>12278434
is this true?
that really blows.

>>12278226
I was always treated like a second rate human being, I had to work harder than anyone to achieve what I have now.
They either bullied me or I was ignored as a kid, they ordered me around, only looked for me when it was convinient, said all kinds of terrible thing behind my back.
Eventually I cut all the ropes and they despise me even for that.
"How can you live like this ?"
"Everyone needs a friend"
"Why don't you trust people ?"

...

How could I ?
To hell with that.
Phoney bastards, isn't these what you wanted ?
I'm rotting away in spite.

Proud to be forged by her hammer.
Clamour settles,
She's made of metal
And honey.

>>12278226
I'm my worst enemy

I'm on the verge of calling it quits and going into a seminary.

pray for me, /lit/bros

>>12278531
Seminary sounds like 'semenary'

and that's gay, don't do it anon .

>>12278531
pray for the children

>>12278536
The places formally known as seminaries where priests learn to molest little children on a professional level.

>>12278547
See, I was half right.

>>12278226
what's on your mind.

>>12278461
Merry Christmas, anon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8JdWs3jtcs

Does suffering really help you become a better person? All I know for certain is that it improves your patience and reasoning in coping with stressful situations, but if you have more ideas I'd be happy to hear of them. Any readings on the subject would also be appreciated.

>>12278594
Not really? I could help you build resilience to adversity but it could make you into a gigantic asshole. Just think of all of the serial killers in history who had shitty childhoods. That being said, they are the minority of a minority and having a bad childhood does not necessarily make one a bad person.

>>12278606
*it could help you

>>12278608
Either

>>12278610
No, there's probably not much I could I could to help you built resilience to anything, anon, and I certainty would never beat you or put you through hardship.

>>12278616
what if I stole all your shit and kept punching you

>>12278623
It's okay, I deserve it.

>>12278623
I would probably be aroused.

Sour Diesel is as good as it's ever been, but then again it's been a really long time since I've smoked a sativa.

Man I'm thinking some really messed up shit right now, like if people could read my thoughts they'd probably run away screaming. Some people underestimate what I'm capable of, they just don't know. Then again, they underestimate just how patient I am. Sometimes I think I could really save humanity, other times I think I just might show them the dark grim truth that they're weak, the bottom of the food chain, how easily they can be destroyed. But I think it's better they find out for themselves, humans out there killing themselves off instead of helping one another...while I sit behind a rainy window looking on with a knowing smile...I warned them. But they're just too vain to listen. And I sit and wait for them to come to me in revenge, revenge on their once-friend who they turned their backs on, their prophet, their stoic... they don't want to mess with me, they better watch their backs.

>>12278252
Kratom works with me. But only briefly.

>>12278388
Topkek

>tfw no Agatha gf

I'm ill at Christmas.

>>12279056
whatsa matter anon?

>>12279059
Flu

>>12278252
Only sexual abstinence (no sex, no masturbation) and a cocktail of nootropic drugs makes me feel anything anymore.

>>12279064
Aww. Don't worry, it's only a flu, you'll get by it soon. Try and make the best of the day ahead. Merry Christmas, anon.

>>12279080
Thank you, anon. Merry Christmas to you too.

It's Christmas Eve and my jaw is still super swollen from an infection. I wonder what my mom and sister will think.

>>12278252
I was like that in Fall of 2016, where I'd make a pot of coffee and play a bunch of visual novels because it excited my emotions. Shortly thereafter even coffee stopped producing an effect, and now I'm in the same mood all the time. Kinda sad, but it's really not that bad after a while, and of course it gets cured eventually.

I'm alone in Tokyo. How can I make tomorrow a /lit/ Christmas?

>>12279392
Go and read in your local KFC.

My cousin's 18 (?) year old daughter is staying with us for Christmas, she's so fucking attractive and youthful, I'm looking at her while she's helping cook, she looks like a sexy secretary with her glasses and cute sweater
She's such a nice quiet girl
I'm having so many perverted fantasies right now, I wish I could sneak in her room tonight and do all sort of dirty things to her
I'm sure she has a boyfriend and I'm way too much older than her but I'm so HORNY for her, I want to fuck her like a barbarian
I feel so dirty and kinda disgusted but it's stronger than me AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>12279392
Pray.

>>12279404
slave and fleshpilled

>>12279407
Shinto or Buddhist temple?

>>12279418
I feel so dirty because I've known her since she was a little child
But now she's grown up so hot
I'm a creepy perverted old man

Piss. Pissfuck. Asscancer Pissfuck.

>>12278226
I woke up in the room with no doors. All walls, illuminated by small narrow window near the ceiling, seemed old and shabby and there was no indication that at any point in time there were any doors in this tiny room.
I got up, still feeling numb after deep sleep, and tripping over the junk that was all over the place, I managed to jump enough to see there was nothing outside the window - no buildings, no streets, no people.
I had no idea how I ended up here and I couldn't think of any possible way out.

(I'm not an english speaker, so sorry for possible mistakes).

>>12279435
When I was younger I wondered how I will perceive hot teenage girls and being 30 yo (so not that old I guess) I'm even more into them, although I will PROBABLY never make a move.
My advice (which I worked out after 2nd miserable visit at the hooker's place - if you feel so horny, just relief yourself with your hand. It simply goes away.

>>12278226
hello
am i possessed
or am i your demon
indeed i will spend
the holiest time
before my new idol
the god of blinding light
the starry screen
in solitude
but not without friends
in quiet
but not with restrictions
quiet shall be the hearth
that was filled with mirth
gone shall be the eyes
that with care looked
upon the offspring of a future
now drowned
within digital dreams
to be rid
of the fools and narrow-minded
is bliss
lonely runs the long distance runner
hard is the road to salvation
forget me forget me forget me
seek me not, think me not
let me gone
away from your lowly levels
up into the clouds of creation
with the stars and satyrs
where the home of the wicked lies
the evil ones
the selfish ones
the forgotten ones
how thankful we lie
how easily we escape
the clutches of mortality
"kill your self, before you die"
"that is the goal"
oh how sweet!
how vaunted
is eternal bliss
how pitiful we must seem
to those who knew us
it is that pity
we wish to burn away
by forgetfulness
it is the hurt
it is the hate
that drowns us
that we seek to erase
it is the mind
that we wish to replace
with a beating heart
made of the entwining
of feathers and blood
take flight my love
take flight
up up up to the stars
far far far to the forest
where strangers lie
around bonfires of antiquity
where people die
to become souls
cast off the pretense
don the leaves
dance in the embers
until the last human leaves
and only the crazed remain
hallowed be this time
when the sun dies with a wink
the three days when we can blink
no longer blinded by its brilliance
we stare into dark skies
where its dead body was
to see the soul that remains
ever brighter with the leaving winter
before we soon forget
in the joys of spring
that it was a ghost
and not a living burning flame

>>12279719
thus every year we forget
how much we died
never knowing that we
are but made of shadow
of bone covered in cotton
of death covered in blush
spend me these days in the nether
let me touch gingerly
that glowing tether
that keep my soul here
let me ring it
a bell of hope
of dreadful dope
few dare climb
for as they are saved
deep down they know
they will have to die

>>12279631
I'm tired of handies, I want to fuck
I was thinking about casually taking a photo of her and having a go at it but that's just too sad, I can't

I just want love,
Because love,
Is the best.

-

>>12279404

Perfectly normal don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

>>12279400
I already ate kfc twice since I got here (2 1/2 weeks ago).

>>12279778
Is this what it means to grow old? I'm at a point in time where 18yo girls just won't ever fuck me
I will never have sum fresh teen pussy again, those times are over for me and I had way too little sex to be satisfied, I have so many fantasies so many dirty things I wanna do with these fresh young girls
And every day that passes is a day further I am from the girls, forever until I die
This is horrible

>>12279741
>>12279631
Oh fuck I started up the camera and the LED of the flash went off, shit shit shit now she probably thinks I took a photo of her
I'm playing it off cool but slightly later she got up from her chair and left
Shit shit shit SHIT
I knew it was a bad idea

I would like to dissapear into a city or somewhere nearby where I'm quietly forgotten by people who once knew me so I can live freely without constant scrutiny. I don't care if I ever see my family or home town again, I'm tired of seeing the same streets, I think this place and I were a bad match. I wish I could get the time back but I know I never will, any dreams I had have been shattered by this place I just want to live out the rest of my days in silent ascetism.

>>12279936
Young girls fuck old dudes, you know. Most often from their work (interns and everything). Just don't be like >>12279435 . Or >>12279990 (really hoping they're not the same guy)

>>12280045
It's me in all those posts

I'm 25k words into a fantasy romance novel and a website emailed me last week about getting paid to host it on their platform. My therapist says I should consider getting an agent. I'm fully aware I'm not a genuinely good/talented writer, but I can write romance pretty damn well.

>>12280045
I also forgot the shutter sound on
I really hope she hasn't heard it or she thinks I photographed the children
I'm failing horribly at being a pervert

>>12280058
>>12280093
Wow dude that's tough. You're not very good at those family gathering things, right? How old are you btw? If you're old enough she might just think you're completely lost when using your phone and misclicked or sth

>>12280093
If she caught you maybe you can go all in and make lots of photos of the whole family. Insert an element of doubt

>>12280213
I'm not THAT old
I'm not good at family gatherings, I hate the kids especially, one is autistic and it spits
All that makes it pleasant is looking lustfully at her

>>12280237
That's what I'm doing I'm just taking photos of everyone

>>12280246
Good luck with that, and merry christmas my dude. Try not to be such a creep though, and remember: c o n s e n t

>>12278226
I wish I could draw
I wish I hadn't had a psychotic break destroying all my hard work and capacity for real thought

I don't like christmas, it just remind me of how alone I really am and how much i've messed my life up.

>>12280317
It's too late for me... Merry Christmas

>>12278388
very impressive and quite true. Ironically ignoring women seems to be the only answer, also the key to development for yourself and thus, also Ironically, possession of them

>>12278226
Today was almost maddening, my father just kept staring at the monitor playing card games, mom cooked and did laundry frantically a frightening amount of food even thought it was just the two of us eating.
I can't remember what I did the whole day except eating and taking the dog on a walk and eating.
Maybe I watched Taxi Driver or something, I can't tell if it was yesterday.
I feel like I'm in a lucid nightmare.
Is this reality ?

>>12280515
I can't stand going home for the holidays for this reason. I love my parents, but they really don't do anything with their time besides watch TV. It drives me nuts.

>>12279875
Yeah but that's where all the Japs go on xmas

>Vronsky, meanwhile, in spite of the complete realization of what he had so long desired, was not perfectly happy. He soon felt that the realization of his desires gave him no more than a grain of sand out of the mountain of happiness he had expected. It showed him the mistake men make in picturing to themselves happiness as the realization of their desires. For a time after joining his life to hers, and putting on civilian dress, he had felt all the delight of freedom in general of which he had known nothing before, and of freedom in his love,—and he was content, but not for long. He was soon aware that there was springing up in his heart a desire for desires—ennui. Without conscious intention he began to clutch at every passing caprice, taking it for a desire and an object. Sixteen hours of the day must be occupied in some way
What do I do if this passage describes me to a t.

>>12278990
Should I get into this or CBD?

I also hate my neighbors and hope they catch fire. They don't deserve to be happy on christmas, hypocrites.

>>12278226
I don't like Christmas, I have too much free time to think about my miseries and the future and everything.

>>12278226
>all these bird brained zoomers mincing about who think writing paragraphs is something only old people do

Civilization is in trouble, isn't it.

>>12280683
tfw don't know if you're zoomer or a millennial so can't take part in these debates

I'm not kidding I picked a random book off my shelf and got this John Berryman poem. I have to post it.

Christmas again, when you're supposed to be happiest.
The tree's decorated, the baby's agog with joy
& Santa is a white-thatched boy
down our main small chimney with his best.
I hope he makes, we had to have it swept
after one fierce day when the flames leapt.

We must live alone; he did; it deepens.
Falling & burning soot is not pleasing:
we thought we'd lose the house.
Pride power loneliness, each in its season
rought Henry up to three marriages
as up to Penn Station came Christian Gauss

>>12280702
I'm millennial.But not an absolute tool. My role as I sometimes see it is to steward and guide zoomers into the future. Lol.

>>12280705
There's a third stanza but it isn't xmas related, so no need to post it

How do you reconcile the pursuit of knowledge, good life and all those lofty ideals that /lit/ espouse with wordly pleasures. What I mean is, every time I go to a party with chicks or drink beer with friends I feel like I undergo a voluntary lobotomy and betray myself.

>>12280813
Even Socrates partied and swilled shitty wine with his friends, and talked about all the sweet boy ass that he wanted to plunder. The notion that in order to pursue knowledge one must be a miserable hermit is a relatively recent invention.

>>12280813
enjoying human company is part of a good life
I'm sure victorian parties or drinking in a tabern weren't intelectually demanding activities either.

>>12280825
I'm not saying that it's a contradiction, that's why I asked how to reconcile it. I'm not that neurotic about it, it just feels wrong somehow. Maybe a better company would be an answer. As of now I'm divided.

>>12280813
>>12280382
I'm so fuckin drunk and horny holy fucking SHIT

>>12280845
>it just feels wrong somehow.
you should always question the root of this kind of feelings.

>>12280857
yeah, what scares my is that deep inside I could a victim of sour grapes/sweet lemons and be no different than redpillers. I'm not that much of a social butterfly, so what if I simply run from the world? On the other hand I feel that it's actually the authentic me that has contempt for the bugman for lack of a better word.

>>12280889
Most deeper truths are personal.
You can enjoy being with the emptiest toths and be a complex thinker all the time, just like some people go to church to meditate on their life and actions while others beg for the lottery for two hours straight. That doesn't mean everyone meditates while having sex with prostitutes, or that the person who is empty minded during meditation can't have complex thoughts at some other time.
But if you feel comptempt you should question why. For a super personal example, I'm pretty on the left, and I feel a deep disgust at rich people. But a lot of that is just a feeling of weakness, that I can't do what I want to and those not helping are my enemies. It's probably also related to my upbringing as lower middle class and my parents having their own resentment that I picked up but isn't mine, they had their own struggles.
I can tell myself those thoughs are wrong or pointless and work around them, it's still how I feel. You live with both feelings and conciousness.

Are all things deemed scant in the face of love? Twenty-something virgin wondering...

I feel down. Very down. There are things I want to do but cannot because of mometary reasons. I felt okay yesterday but things went bad overnight. Now I'm just sitting here regretting decisions I have made.

>>12280974
you just feel like you lack something and you want to acquire it.
like any experience it has a personal meaning.
just like religion is the meaning of life for some and just that thing you do on sundays for others.
I got extremely bored of the few relationships I had, love fades and reapears at different times, it's fine, nothing to write home about.

>>12280925
Thanks for the input. It seems that I have to decide whether I'm motivated by ressentiment or not. Because if the former, my worldview is shattered.

How to meet girls right now that I just graduated from uni? I'm still going to be near campus for the next 6 months or so. I'm moving abroad to europe though for grad school and I'm really only interested in a long term thing, you think i could meet someone that would be fine with being whisked off to a new life across the pond? If I can find a cute moderately /lit/ anti-Trump girl that would be ideal as she's prob already praying she gets out of the country.

>>12281001
sometimes results are good enough to justify the motivations

I don't know how to go on dates. The conversation part at least. I can't seem to break out of the monotonous early conversation. I'm just trying to make her laugh and have a good time. Previous girls I've gotten with we're usually friends first, from a group of friends or work, so we're usually interacting with others and I do well in groups since I can just chime in and make people laugh and not have to carry the conversation.
But with me and this girl it's just one on one. I don't know what the fuck to talk about and I feel like it's boring. We've already done the gay "what's your favorite movie, book, etc", now what? I sorta wanna move on to deeper conversations (not that I know how to move there) but I think it's important just to have a good time and not get too deep

>>12281048
anon you start asking her some serious stuff by telling her one of your dreams. Like let's say I want to know if this girl wants to eventually settle down. I tell her about how my dream is to buy a homestead with animals, crops, etc, and you see how she reacts and you go off that. Just probe her mind.

>>12281059
We've kinda done that, dreams and aspiration and it was good. But how do I keep it good? I'm just trying to keep from boring conversations that she never thinks about again you know? I want to keep it light and fun and make her laugh but I want that potent sentimentality

>>12281095
If you want something long term you're doing it wrong.
Most of the time will be boring, you both need to know if you can be fine being unestimulated together.

>>12281100
Yeah but you can't commit to a long-term if the first stimulations weren't good enough to make it worth it to endure the unstimulated

>>12281048
Sometimes exposing some flaws is useful for getting conversation going. Instead of saying "I like these three movies," say that you are a lousy movie buff and need more recommendations. She'll start recommending crap. The point being, don't always readjust the conversation to be about something that you can give a polished, automated response to. Sometimes it's better to have an open topic where you can ask questions, give her space to explain what she loves or why she loves it, and then she can ask you questions in return.

WARNING: This method often causes women to spend 15 minutes recommending that you read some latest flash-in-the-pan horrible book they're reading about a guy who overcame having his leg cut off and climbed a mountain and met his wife. Or explaining why they love surprisingly horrible third-rate Netflix shows.

I like to talk abut my weirder interests while being slightly self-deprecating about it. Like, jokingly conceding that some interest of mine crosses into autism territory. You have to be careful with this one, because you're trying to show the woman that you're unique and quirky and have a complex inner life, but you also can't show her that you're too uncool, at least right away, because most women will be cruelly judgemental about that. And some women will be bizarrely judgemental of anything that isn't "normal" no matter what you do. I've dated girls way out of my league who told me candidly that they were principally attracted to my autistic "passion" when I fell into a k-hole of explaining Star Trek bullshit to them. Then I've had tons of dates with 5/10's who were obviously and openly disgusted by my attempts at being self-effacing and quirky. It's a total crapshoot.

Also ask questions that get her revealing deep shit about herself. Like the other anon said, talk/ask about deeper dreams and goals and shit. That's how you learn about who someone is as a weird unique person instead of that they like the same TV shows as virtually everybody else.

Basically, try to allow for openings in the "front" that both of you are putting up. That initial front is useful for determining the other person isn't a psychopath, and many women do seem to genuinely enjoy when a guy has average interests like I said. But if you want to break past that, you need to make an impression, and that requires getting more personal. If you can already get dates, and you can make women laugh, you're already 80% of the way to getting laid anyway.

>>12281147
based. Should I start serenading this girl with all the byron and shelley I have committed to memory on the second date?

>>12281147
What about my autustic obsession with Julius Caesar and ancient rome in general?

For the more personal questions, I was thinking of asking how old she was when her parents got divorced, as mine are also divorced and we spoke about it a little so I thought it might be a good way to tread waters and see how she thinks about relationships and what not

>>12281115
have you tried doing shared experiences that you can later discuss?
like, most dates are going out to a particular place so then you can talk about that place, this is the biggest trick normies don't want you to know.

>>12281218
Most people really don't like those kinds of personal questions unless you're already close with eachother.

>>12281147
this works exactly the same if you switch genders.
probably works for lesbians too

>>12281175
I can see it work if you say it in a "it's no big deal" way, or if you can make it not autistic.
If you start and can't stop and keep talking about that the whole day no one will like it, no gender or relationship type.

>tfw the parasocial interaction I get from watching twitch streams isn't enough anymore
>tfw can't spend much time with real friends because they're not neets and have jobs and significant others and actual things to spend their time on
>tfw try to fill the void with """intellectual pursuits""" but it doesn't work
>tfw basically waiting for death
>tfw typing this on christmas eve

>>12280854
I took so many photos hahahaha
Mission accomplished
I will fap to no end tonight

>>12281309
The cousin barrier doesn't really mean anything to you ?

>>12281323
She's not my cousin, she's the daughter of my cousin

Should I read Flowers of Evil in English or Spanish? Just know those two languages. English has a shit ton of french but Spanish is a cousin of french. Pls reply because Christmas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8fJohxGBd4

>>12281446
I don't have an answer but I never realized how dumb the name sounds in english

https://write.as/dvhz00vshz96d

Merry christmas to all the bastards out here. To all the losers, neets, desperate, passionless, suicidal, depressive and lost anons. To all who never made it, to all who think they never gonna make it and to all who made it and still feel as empty as ever. To everyone who wants to be a good Christian but can’t find in themselves to believe in anything. To those lost in the desert, who can’t see beyond the dunes no matter how far they walk. People drowning in a sea of guilt and despair, adrift in restlessness.

To you, bishops of inadequacy, I wish a Merry Christmas. I wish you a merry life. I wish you fulfillment. I wish for you to drink of the coolest water, from the humblest grail, and feel plenitude and fulfillment, the likes of which eludes men during most of their lives.

Merry Christmas to all, wherever the paths of life may lead you.

>>12281549
hey who are are callin 'losers'?

but anyway merry christmas to you too, anon

>>12281549
Merry Christmas to you too, Anon, and all of you other lurkers.

>>12281549

>>12281549
Merry Christmas, bless alcohol that is making me survive this family gathering
I almost forgot about being horny and lonely

>tfw don't even get slightly excited for christmas morning anymore
I miss being a kid. Oh well at least I still have Anna Karenina to read

Merry christmas. I want to fuck.

>>12279990
>>12279741
please anon tell me this is a troll

>>12279404
these are the moments when you realize "jailbait" isn't a joke term, it's a real metaphysical power that exists in young cute girls' pussies

Chicken soup requires more labor than spaghetti and meat sauce. In this spirit I did the harder thing, for difficulty is the essence of spirit.

Despite boiling bones for hours, carefully dicing mirepoix, and slicing razor gills in garlic, I screwed something up. I cooked the potatoes too long, perhaps 15 minutes too long, after I added the good thigh meat back in an effort to strengthen my broth. So focused I may as well have dropped mashed potatoes in the soup.

12 hours of work are a failure. The chicken flavored potatoe pudding is revolting. I cannot endure its disgusting scent. I regret the domestication of chickens, the discovery of fire and most of all my birth.

On top of all that I would rather be eating ten minute spaghetti made from a jar than the most perfect consomme.

I did the harder thing. I regret everything.

>>12282046
I bet that is tasted wonderful, anon.

>>12282001
>>12282009
No this is not a troll
I saw her in her PJs when I said goodnight, she was so cute
I'm in bed right now, I have a massive headache from drinking (also I wouldn't have posted this shit if I wasn't drunk)
I don't know if I will be able to mash my cock to the photos I took but I will likely fantasize for a while till the sleeping pills do their work
I haven't been this dirty and awful in a long time, I hope noone caught me cause I'm so so ashamed
Only me and /lit/ know i hope

Merry Christmas, I love you. I would trade every gift I received today to be with you right now.

>>12280845
>>12280889
I really don't mean this question in a rude way: are your friends smart? I felt sort of similar to you until I made a point to just hang out with more educated people. Partying became a lot more fun after that, because even drunk talk is interesting and insightful (more than otherwise, anyway).

I just had a glass of the last bottle of a particular Japanese whiskey in this tri-state area tonight.

I’ll never have anything that good again.

My family doesn't understand my new interest in Catholicism and my sisters take every opportunity to make snotty comments about my religious views. My parents are "cafeteria Catholics" while my sisters are Rick & Morty/John Oliver-style atheists. I understand because I was an r/atheism-posting fedora-lord at that age too. But they don't understand me. They don't understand how I could turn to Catholicism when I was formerly so opposed to religion. They don't understand that people far smarter than them--John von Neumann, St. Thomas Aquinas, and Evelyn Waugh to name but a few--have found something beautiful and admirable and intelligent in the Roman Church.

My sister called Catholicism a cult. I told her I respected cult members infinitely more than I did liberals hopped up on Bill Maher and Family Guy and memes. At least cultists have a sense of beauty and spirituality. At least cultists are aware that they are subscribing to something higher than themselves, not aimlessly shoveling attention and pleasure into their mouths. At least cultists have the discipline and faith to dedicate their lives to a spiritual calling.

I fear that they are domesticated liberal consumerists who are unaware that they worship nothing but material products and social status. They are unaware that their consumerism and materialism is a tool for interests both smarter and more powerful than themselves. They are trapped in a cycle of resentment and envy and self-obsession and superficiality. They feel sorry for me, but it pains me far more to see them embrace passive materialism in the way that they do.

>>12278226
OP is a faggot.

>>12281548
There's very little point in keeping employees around after they put in their two week notices. Employers know they're going to get little work out of you and will start shifting your most important tasks to your coworkers, and employees have no reason to continue working for somebody with no power over them and who they have at best ambivalent views towards. The entire two week notice is a relic of an economy in which one had job security and sincere dedication towards their respective firm. Well in a hypercompetitive economy where firms can drop you on the fly and have somebody to replace you in seconds, I see no reason to respect the two week notice. It's one of the very few leverages labor has over employers today, and I say milk it for all it's worth because you aren't going to get much better

>>12282718

you sound like a meme

read the knox bible and some paul tillich

I wish I could do like my father does and spend Christmas alone and not have to spend 10 days at my folks' house. I would love to go back to my apartment, and maybe go on another date with that cute girl from college.
This karaoke bullshit is really pissing me off, too.

>>12282793
Which meme? I'm trying to be sincere

>>12282827

the "im a catholic convert from atheism for 'aesthetics' and 'traditionalism'" meme

it's insufferable, you didn't go to catholic school, you weren't raised in the faith it sounds, you've barely studied it outside of "hehe the five proofs! and le tradition!", if you were a true catholic you'd be FAR less judgemental and criticizing, realizing we're all fundamentally sinners unworthy of anything. what place are you to comment you heathen scum? I bet you've barely gone to confession, you kinds sicken me.

>>12278226
what is the biggest buterfly effect in history that is still even happenning?

>>12282848
Protestantism?

>>12282846
I was raised in the faith and all of my family attended Catholic school. I was the only one who didn't because I was selected for a GT program, so I did CCD on Sundays after mass

I didn't convert to Catholicism, I'm not sure I even consider myself Catholic. I began to appreciate it after reading Thomas Merton in a mental hospital. I like Catholicism, I attend mass occasionally, I respect it, and sometimes I even believe in it.

You sound extremely judgmental, critical, and hateful yourself. Moreover, your views about me are totally wrong

>>12282864

doesn't matter. the truth isn't something you "appreciate". "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of my mouth. Revelation 3:16.

if you attend it only "occasionally", youre in mortal sin. if you just "respect" it, youre in mortal sin. if you "sometimes" believe, you're in mortal sin. it's not a matter of "liking". it's a matter of commitment.

youre a dilettante and you disgust me. you're a typical fucking zoomer, you shit on your family and you pretend to be better. the Church doesn't need you, you're more suited to al qaeda: "in a mental hospital", "i don't consider myself Catholic", yeah youre a pseud.

>>12282858
no
a little tip - it was created a little bit earlier than protestantism

While all four of us were dead men walking, thinking with mutal dread
Of past days spent laughing and talking, ready to be dead

The reaper came and knocked his scythe on our heads
Demanding the memories for which we had bled

As he came to tumble into my mind,
I wrestled him back unto his line,
Yet it was all too late,
For all memories had been erased
Yet I was strong enough to salvage one last memory
Of how we sat atop hill, enjoying soft spring's clemency
Hoping that the song of our silent moment, among the grasses
Never fades, departs, or even passes.
Yet now the moments have been reaped and plucked away
Leaving us with nothing but dim old heartache

Yet despite the moments gone, and knowing that none are ever to come
We spoke of the happienes joy and pride
To enter with beggining a new life to come
And how nothing that we say will ever be a lie
How we will always see each other, without strife
And never will we drift apart
Read to collect new memories, along with the others
For we can't forget the moments where we became brothers

And that brought a smile upon each man's face
But behind those cracked masks ran tears which we sought to erase

But now after the spilled tears have dried upon the floor
I cling to a lonely memory, begging death to take no more
Yet soon my very clutch begins to drip with blood
And my crying heart begs me to let go of my youth.
But sadly, I am overtaken by relentless ruth

I'm a gay retard

>>12282880
Jesus?

>>12282897
aaaaaand, you are almost there! a little bit more earlier, but jesus is ok too

>>12278252
I drink too much coffee and it makes my chest hurt.

>>12282931
Moses!

>>12282757
yeah, you're absolutely right
especially considering the at-will employment laws where I live, the employer truly could fire me at any time if they wanted.
I felt particularly bad however because I did like the people at this company. I couldn't help my weakness however. thanks for your response anon

It's six minutes to Christmas and here I am, alone. It's no different than any other year in my adult life but that just makes it more painful. Every year that passes I realize more and more that I haven't really been happy for most of my life. I don't really feel like I'm living.

>>12282950
That's because you aren't living.

HOW COME THERE ISN'T MORE ACADEMIC RESEARCH ABOUT THE MAPPING OF MENTAL ILLNESS TO POLITICAL ORIENTATIONS?

I know of maybe two thinkers who approached it off the top of my head, Freud and Foucault. It's clear to me that certain dynamics create a propensity for malformed political structures in times of political turmoil and that this translates from, decodes from, collective mental illness.

Mental states of pain and despair translate into political formations that seek expression of that internal chaos. The political is an attempt to express and solve the collective psychology as it resides in the public.

This is only true of post-enlightenment, post-despotic formations, however. Prior to the enlightenment politics was at its base level, the primate expression of dominance.

We live in very mentally ill political times so it makes sense that this topic ought to be raised.

should i become a teacher. that or healthcare i guess

ive come to realize that niggas dont know shit about anything. not my parents, elders, whatever. the choice has to come from my intuition and instinct. and thats so horrifying. i am so out of touch with either. im a neurotic mess.

>>12278405
t. virgin or roastie

>>12283228
>im a neurotic mess
stay away from kids

>>12283228
>should i become a teacher
>im a neurotic mess.
>ive come to realize that niggas dont know shit about anything
No, please spare the children.

>>12282878
Yeah, that's probably the thing I dislike about Catholicism. Not necessarily the religion itself but the hateful and repugnant hypocritical creeps like yourself who inevitably attach themselves to it, who declare themselves objective arbiters of the word of God and point fingers while engaging in the exact same behaviors they supposedly denounce

Merry Christmas, and make sure to say hi to Satan as you suffer eternal torment for your rank hypocrisy and unspeakably evil hatred for your neighbor

Dear Diary. I just had a wonderful dream about meeting a nice boy. He was perfect. Then I woke up. Fug.

I'm paralyzed by fear, I don't have enough testosterone, I wish I was better at math thinking, give me a vacuum to suck away the fog that's clouding my brain

>>12278226
I'm having cold feet in how I want to write my novel due to the fact that I believe some readers are just stupid and would not understand it or worse misunderstand it.

I just popped two adderalls and I don't feel shit. I'm tip tapping on these keys but I taste no honey sprouting from the banks of my conscious as I drift into the smoke of a tomorrow that can't help but come

>>12278531
There is a thread here >>12278825
>>12278825

I had a dream tonight that some vampire mistress wanted to make me her ghoul, she asked for any last wishes and I asked for a blowjob
She obliged, what a good mistress
Too bad I woke up early and I couldn't finish

>>12283833
It takes time to kick in, ya dingus

after visiting the beach today I think I can safely say the body type that I'm probably most attracted to is the young woman who is somewhat matured; typically early 30s and has a young child of around 4 or so
they are the most astonishing to me

>>12282067
She put on another sweater today that is a little tighter and her perky young bosom is poking underneath
Her neck and shoulders are exposed
My dick is diamonds

I saw a guy on goodreads with 2000 books on his shelf who couldn't make sense of this sentence. How is this possible?

>>12284247
Low verbal intelligence, and short working memory.

>>12284247
Was it yourself?

>>12284252
Elaborate

>>12284257
He's a retart, basically

>>12284256
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/23839153?book_show_action=true

>>12284247
Just to see if I am retarded (I have never read a book above high school level) this sentence means that a lack of ownership (by whom I do not know) over the consitution / legal system meant corruption could not be prevented for a time

God I hope I'm right

We went up to the three snorting machines to caress their breasts. I lay along mine like a corpse on its bier, but I suddenly revived again beneath the steering wheel — a guillotine knife — which threatened my stomach. A great sweep of madness brought us sharply back to ourselves and drove us through the streets, steep and deep, like dried up torrents. Here and there unhappy lamps in the windows taught us to despise our mathematical eyes. "Smell," I exclaimed, "smell is good enough for wild beasts!"

Oh, maternal ditch, half full of muddy water! A factory gutter! I savored a mouthful of strengthening muck which recalled the black teat of my Sudanese nurse!

>>12284303
Not that far off. It means the lack of proper courts and constitutional institutions made it impossible to prevent corruption.

Honestly, this is the first Christmas in which I have stopped feeling like a child. Instead I have become filled with a desire to recreate the essence of my childhood memories. Encapsulating what I came to know of the holiday into an abstraction and passing it on by starting a family and continuing the tradition with my progeny.

I thought of the implications of ‘be yourself’ while on shrooms and I thought it was the most profound advice you could ever get. I’ve been on a row of psychedelics and they are so fun. I’m still skeptical about them fixing my problems permanently or for long times as many people tell me. I don’t think I should trust a temporary altered state of consciousness but then how do I not fall in this supposed trap if I feel so much connection, empathy, and warmth? I even came to think this was all a product of vanity: that I liked the idea of higher understanding and that’s why I felt all these things, it even made me question my taste in art, for example, I like Tolstoy because every tiny bit of interaction between characters in his work carries meaning and dignity, so he manufactures a world where everything feels significant: short words, gestures, a stare, etc. Tolstoy work has characters that derive meaning from their experiences, and in this light I feel like the works of Musil are much more honest than Tolstoy’s. Musil characters are mostly detached of reality, living passively and the experience passes them by without being formative, and they feel like waiting and wasting their time. You see Musil is less theatrical and his characters move always on two different directions, they have the direction of the mind: detached of the moment, and projecting the moment from an outsider perspective, Ulrich is never there in the moment, instead he is just thinking he is there. And then is the direction of the circumstances, which moves their lives if they don't oppose any kind of resistance, which they never do because of laziness or indifference.
You see this is much closer to what I think is the real experience of being human. In Tolstoy you get what you wish it was like, but in Musil you have the real thing: characters without convictions, completely detached, unable to oppose resistance because of indifference to it and living passively while also being aware of this hole they are in.

Also, Foil by Autechre is a hell of a song to listen while high, holy fuck.

>>12284159
Her boyfriend came pick her up. He's a handsome young boy, much more attractive than me. I was jealous so I quietly left to stay in my room.
Finally some relief from this torment

Memento Mori, idiot

Some girl from the town I grew up in has been asking for me to my mother, and turns out she wants to get to know me. I literally only saw her once and from a distance, like 6 years ago because I don’t go to that town anymore except for funerals. The thing is her mother spoke to my mother about how I and her daughter should get to meet each other and start something, they even talked about having kids, and all that type of stuff. Turns out I’m a massive sperg, I don’t go out with a girl since like 2012. I’m almost 24 and still virgin (not bitter about it, but very self conscious), and the idea of meeting her doesn’t sound all that repelling to me. I’ve felt in these last years that I have no goals or ambitions nor even motivations, so maybe this could be it? The conflict is even if I’m alone and mentally suicidal most of the time, there’s a degree of freedom that I don’t want to give up, I don’t ever want to go back to that town and even less be related to people there.

>>12284483
Don't bother anon.

>>12280083
Congratulations anon, that's an awesome development!
If someone approached YOU to pay for your writing, that's indicative that you're a damn fine writer.

Definitely look into getting an agent, not only to find further opportunities, but also to protect yourself from bad contracts.
Merry Christmas.

>>12278226

There he comes, a man of words
Seeking wisdom restlessly
Speaking - nearly then, he stutters
"May you share this thought with me?

I have sought in forlong sources
From the misty depths of time
In the spoken mind of sages
And in poetry's ancient rhyme

What moves the world of humankind
And binds us to this shallow earth
All illusions have I rendered
Time is here, my mind to soothe."

Thus he spoke, and I was glaring
At what he had told me just
As he finished, I was staring
And this speech to him entrust'd:

"I have heard your words, o philé,
But convinced thou hast me not.
It's few things, so well and pretty
That the most of ye forgot:

In the days, when life's in blossom
Nights are long, and days are warm
We, caressed by natures bosom
May taste love without the harm

That all inside the mind is built
Who thinks he must from love abstain
Where earthly warmth has never dwellt
There is no knowledge to regain."

By these words moved, he then began
To deeply think - I said "philé,
This is the goal - a savant man,
not just of words, but life to be."


English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes.

I just want to go back home and dive into the smooth obsidian pussy of my black queen

>>12278226
I just spent half an hour scrolling through "goodbyeamericainaphoto".
I wonder if every generation really thinks their times are "crazy" or if we are really going through big changes right now...
I always though that my nuanced political views and the lack of a clear ideology were positive aspects but, faced with the modern world, the lack of solid viewpoints just make me feel lost and anxious.
I want out of here.

>>12279065
What nootropics do you take that are effective? Most of them strikes me as memes that don't really do anything, and the scientific data on them is still in its earliest stages

Whenever I'm around people I can't relate to them. I'm deathly afraid that anything I say will make me look like a pseud, and I find it tedious to memorize talking points. That being said, most talking points seem trivial. I think this might be an ego problem. I'm not quite sure.

I want to compete with people, demonstrate that I'm better than them. It's been a while since the last time I stepped outside my isolated self-improvement bubble; what do? Any of y'all in some obscure pvp game's inner community? Invite me man.

I'm miserable, but I pretend I'm happy so as not to disturb family dynamics

I want to improve myself but nothing ever happens. I feel like I never have enough time to do anything and do nothing, sometimes I wish I was a savant like the Unabomber or Chris langan. Am I just another hay in the haystack ?

This year things will be different. They have to be.
>>12278252
this but with masturbation and alcohol

Why do people take selfies? I have never felt compelled to photograph myself with my own hand unless there is something out of the norm regarding my appearance for comedic value e.g. Halloween etc. Yet people I know (mostly girls though) regularly take selfies seemingly instinctively. For what gain? Is it really just narcissism inspired by Facebook likes?!

>>12286442
>Is it really just narcissism inspired by Facebook likes?!
Yeah I guess

>>12286442
Socializing is fun, little man

>>12286442
same reasson we make jokes as anonymous here
a pale but safer imitation of human interactions

>>12278226
I've been out of town for two days and when I came back home my computer's headphones sounded off.

>>12286442
Insane runaway narcissism. Normie consciousness is in permanent "high school popularity contest" mode, forever. They are literally diseased, pathological. Women in particular are borderline schizophrenic by the standards of past centuries, they're basically like if you took a little kid and gave it methamphetamines, loud cartoons, and fifty bags of sugar. Would that be a kid anymore? Or would it be a bizarre, horrific exaggeration of all of the weaknesses and shortsighted desires of childhood, dialed up to 11? That's women, and increasingly these days, feminized men.

How will normies try to sway you into not believing that this is pathological? By insinuating that you are uncool, unpopular, or un-hip for thinking it. That's literally the only level their brain runs on. They are practically unconscious, their minds are more like an animal's than a conscious person's, a constant flow of affects and instincts and desires.

>>12286580
Based

>>12286295
>waiting for something to happen
>fantasies about being special

Textbook narcissism à la Lasch. Apply yourself, schedule shit and remember that if you do nothing, you are nothing, what's in your head doesn't matter, personality is made by actions and actions alone.

>>12286271
Just play chess.

>>12283497

cry harder proddy bitch boy

>>12286680
Nah I want something where there's still room for exploration, something where the meta's still being shaped.

Uncle is somehow messed up, he sits in the shed and cries and laughs
He switches between blaming Satan and God, and says: "We sinners are being punished"

>>12286756
Just do Go

>>12286818
"God laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming."

>>12280615
commit yourself to a greater cause. or learn to endure ennui. fuck if i know, im just a borderline one percenter with no social relations.

im lucky im an american.im humbled by the generosity of strangers in my own country.if not for the great american holiday thanksgiving and the christian holiday Christmas winters would be bleak and i would be in a sorry state of being.

Nothing like getting drunk on red wine and brandy on Christmas.

>>12286946
yeah, we just get an extra sallary for the holidays from our employeers by law, never as good a depending on charity.

I just met an old friend from years ago. We used to talk for hours, now I couldn't come up with anything else than "it was nice to see"

>>12286971
small parts of each of you were changed to the point neither of you could consider the other a friend.
it's a pretty well known though experiment.

>>12282718
How can you think so highly of yourself when you've evidently not even considered that the materialism you so detest is just as much a cult as the one you revere?

You're no different than they are.

>>12284358
Which is a nonstarter anyway, since effective prevention of corruption is itself a form of corruption.

>>12278226
reddit

I'm still in love with a girl that left me

>>12287088
apreciate that bittersweet feeling, the memory of love is a strong motivator.
but let her live her life, no one likes stalkers.

I am a shitty writer and I'd rather kill myself than admit to myself that I am the same as everyone else, deep down.

I would join the church but I am far to big a hypocrite for that. Don't think that I ever would stop lusting after women.

Fuck this shit, I am still lonely and horny. I just want a harem of qts so fucking bad.

>>12287136
>>12286676

"Two demons, the strongest that ever existed, tried to kill me, but they were no match."
"What did you do with them?"
"I killed them."
"Wow."
"Yeah."

>>12278434
Lmao

>>12278985
Take one of these and call me in the morning *burp*

>>12287098
All of it happened two months ago. I haven't spoken to or seen her since, and I haven't made any attempt to contact her. The consequences, I understand, and I voluntarily choose to suffer silently.

But it doesn't stop me from living with the hopeless, romantic dreams that someday she will reach out to me.

And the feelings of aching Love still continue, fully knowing that she has probably moved on and hardly thinks about me anymore.

My sister literally used the existence of WBC as an argument against Christianity being true.

>>12287249
My sister literally used the existence of BWC as an argument against Christianity being true.

>>12287290
Holy shit mine too.

>>12287088
I was too. After we broke up I even had to see her almost every day for months.

Life goes on though. I met someone new and while I can't say things will ever be the same as they were before we dated, I feel comfortable saying that I've moved on.

If the new girl works out, great; if not, it's still a milestone for me. I hope the same for you.

>>12287290
Based BWC supporting sister.

Everyone on the internet is constantly posturing.
But am I posturing for believing this?

>>12287184
Two if you counted God.

becoming more and more like Stavrogin, but without the charisma

It's astonishing how I get by with so little happiness in my life. I'm astonishing.

If you use words like 'art' or 'artistic' unironically then you are going on my fucking hit list.

My girlfriend is awesome

I really should go to sleep. The sun will soon rise

I've come to terms with the fact that most degrees, if not all of them, are not worth the enveloping debt you acquire from gaining them. We've come a long way from the need for textbooks and university buildings because you can simply find all the information you can ever need on the internet. The ethos that surrounds a degree is diminishing more and more. One of the only secured jobs after getting a degree in just about any field is a job teaching that subject you got the degree in, since teachers are usually quite high in demand, yet still underpaid. It's sad, but there is no quantifiable ratio of how well one teaches and his/her effect on the students afterwards, and that's why I think teachers don't get funded enough. It's also sad because I really want to become a school teacher just to see what the the next few generations are up to these days and how they behave so I can be on the look out for the future, in a small sense, seeing the collective knowledge of man through generations accumulate, shred, adapt. It's too interesting not to pursue such a career. Plus, the vacations are hella nice. Math would be one of those subjects to teach that I would not be worried about how the public school "curriculum" dictates how I should teach, unlike history which seems to be all about memorizing dates with sterile, inoffensive dialogues about civil rights.

I want too many conflicting things to even justify my anger

I'm also afraid to really document the things I want for fear they might actually happen.

>>12278226
Why do I keep coming back here and posting? I know I'm better than 4chan and I try never to post anything here that's my A game. There are times though when I just want to communicate with a shapeless internet ether and this is one of the places for doing it.

I'm too tired to keep working on my projects, but I'm also in the mood to scratch the writing itch. Compromise? Shitpost anonymously and frolic in the ugly chaos.

If you want a comprehensive worldview you need a comprehensive insight into good and bad, low and high brow, and everything in between. You need to muck around in the mud just as much as you roam the hills.

I need to get involved. Anyone who spends too much time on the internet does.

>>12287531
Where u find pic? U got anymoar?

I took six adderralls on Christmas day. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got back from my parent's at 10PM. I had no weed or alcohol. There was no cool video game to keep my attention. I had a book on my night stand. Yes. Tonight was a night of reading and contemplation.
I went into my roommates bathroom and stole two adderralls. I began to feel extremely good as I scrolled through twitter. There was a pleasant fire raging inside of me. Then the fires ember's scattered, and I was reading the same line on an article over and over.
I got up and went back into my roommates bathroom. I took two more Adderall. This time I smashed the pills up and organized them into nice neat lines. I took the first line. A sting, but nothing euphoric. I did the other three lines in rapid succession. I felt like I had just gotten out from under the ocean.
I laid down on my bed and immediately installed Grindr. I decided I needed to have some kind of sexual activity, anything at all to keep me from this madness.
I invited a black guy over. His dick was small. When he came in the front room he was awkard and fat, stumbling up the staircases and awkwardly grunting in response to my questions.
He laid down on the bed and I sucked his dick. It felt like forever because it was forever. I was sucking on this fat black guy's tiny dick for over three hours and he never came. He said he had to go finally, he had work. I asked what he did. He was a Deputy he said. I laughed at that. I sucked a cop's dick. He wanted to stick the dick in my ass and fuck me, but I didn't let him. He left as the sun was rising.
I stole my roommates dildo and her lube. I kept putting it up my ass as I messaged men. During this whole time I had been stroking my heavily lubed dick. It was not getting hard.
I spent the entire day doing this. From 8AM to 10PM I sent dozens of men photos of my face with the black cop dick in my mouth. I was so aroused by this dirty desire, I didn't even realize my dick never got hard.
I began to identify as a "bottom," since I couldn't get a photo of my dick hard.
I began to message the older men on the app. One of them was a BDSM master and a DOM. He wanted to do alot of things to me that I found extremely exciting, like dress me up as a sissy and fuck me in public. I found that so hot. I still find it hot. He interviewed me, and scheduled an "audition" for nine o'clock that night. I didn't go, because around 9 I found another old guy.. I asked if he liked roleplaying. He said yeah. I asked if he wanted to do a forced roleplay when we first met.
"What is that?" he asked.
I said basically when you first meet me it must be in a secluded place. The nature trail was what I had chosen. The second he laid eyes on me he wasn't supposed to say a word. He was just supposed to rape me. I found that so hot, that a 20 year old would willingly give his body to an old man for the sake of "kink," or "fetish."
By 10PM all of the adderall had worn off.

>>12287822
Was the book good?

>>12287827
it was Butcher's Crossing
now you know my shame

Finished a 5000 word short story today. Wondering if it's shit or not.

I'm lonely, and my health is deteriorating. Suicide feels like a sensible, practical choice.

>>12287864
Show us the goods and we'll let you know

Should I read Watership Down or watch the film? With Plague Dogs I just saw the movie and it was amazing, but I've heard people say the book is better with WD. Thoughts?

I'm 50 pages off the end of two longish books but I just can't sit down and finish either

>>12288678
I'm going to sit on you and pin your down, and I won't get up until you finish both.

Nobody ever reads these posts this late in the thread but might post anyway. Been on lithium for four maybe months now and I feel 'better' but I feel uncertain. I feel my identity shifting. I don't feel anything but I feel bad I don't feel anything which is itself a feeling. I get anxious about sex and about other people having sex - that I'm not having enough sex - but I have sex now and then. I get anxious that the people I'm having sex with aren't attractive enough. I am very narcissistic. I am very insecure in my identity. I am not always. I am now. I feel like a little boy. I feel an urge to prove myself. Every single day that passes I am excruciatingly aware that I am doing nothing to prove myself. I don't know what it means to prove oneself. These are all very normal feelings for somebody my age.

>>12288681
What do you want me to say?

>>12288681
Just let it go, anon. Let it all go.

2018 was the best year of my life yet. After 25 years of darkness there is a light. I'm okay now.

Lately I found that meditating 20 minutes a day (concentrating on my breath, relaxing the rest) is interesting and calming.

>>12287462
I use "wise" to describe people, unironically

My co worker is really cute and i want to hold her while we lay in bed and tease each other and whatnot. However, her brother works there, her other brother has worked there, she's my fucking co worker, she's a le reddit memer, and all of her friends are dudes who surely either want to bang bang her Or use her mouth as a cumdumpster. Either she's a total slut or she's a lesbian which, considering her tomboy attire and atypical interests for a woman, would also make sense. She's a terribly confusing creature.

What truly interests me about the situation is the projection of innocence and purity I place on this girl. For some strange reason I believe that she is in some way an innocent, fun girl. In reality, she probably takes 3 at a time or she licks cunts, but still there is urge to ask her on a date.
I've probably been single for too long. Probably getting desperate or some shit.
Gotta go to work soon, hopefully i run into someone who I can connect with.
I dont even fucking know why I'm talking about this and why it matters. I just want to sleep forever or forfill my dream of becoming a philosopher. It's either that or eat from the trashcan

English is not my native language. I come from germany, where everybody is happy if they can talk in english instead of german because they think it's cooler. Advertisements, even structural concepts in certain fields of work get english names, even though the german variants seem to be much handier. Goes to show how a culture is willing to sacrifice itself for the belief of the masses and those profiting from it. Whenever i talk in english, the motivation to do so is not only the communication, but also to show my skill of knowing the language. Like in a chat with someone in german i want to show compassion or even knowledge, depends on the subject, but in english i not only want to communicate, but also show off a bit. For this fact, i admire the french people that refuse to talk or even learn english. Whenever im in france there maybe 2 in 10 that can talk a few bits of english. They simply don't need it and won't use it, even in a world city like paris. Maybe its because they also despise english because of history, but such linguistic stoicism is one of the pillars of a culture.

>>12288762
damn i feel you, nearly same situation.
Dont let them tread on you.

>>12288814
>They simply don't need it and won't use it, even in a world city like paris

When I was in Paris, everybody spoke English very well. Maybe I just got lucky.

>>12288681
I read your post anon. You have bipolar disorder? That's my guess if you're taking Lithium.

A common thread with this illness (I'm bipolar) seems to be that we never feel content, and always view our current situation as inadequate. That might be true -- I'm not in an enviable position in life by any means -- but even when we get what we want, that insecurity persists. I also wanted sex and a girlfriend to validate, and when I finally (and briefly) got those things I was still unhappy. My relationship made my paranoia worse to the point I always felt my SO was about to break up with me, or hiding something from me.

These are normal feelings to some extent but we just tend to have very intense emotions and (especially during depressive phases) are prone to excessive rumination over our shortcomings, guilt over our past, and general feelings of insecurity. I might be projecting a little, but this is how I've felt and from the bipolar subreddits I browse I suspect it's kind of the norm. Just remember that comparison is the thief of joy, we have a major disability and having a basic, functioning life is an achievement in and of itself. You'll probably never feel fully validated, so searching for that will just leave you more unfulfilled. Best of luck anon, hope you find some peace.

I’m doing a puzzle right now and am having trouble with the sky pieces. It’s the only part left

Any tips? It’s an ordinary 1000 piece jigsaw

>>12289348
If you have gotten this far with it I'm sure that you can finish with no worries.

>>12289356
I know I’ll finish it, but I’d like to have some sort of system for the other 100 or so stray sky pieces. They all look so similar

>>12278388
Good post, young women are the worst for this. Chasing much older men because they have no confidence to actual unravel their desires and just let someone experienced to it all for them, cowardly, little children...

Women dislike mens real self so much they hate any kind of emotional expression, they say they like vulnerable (emotionally open) men but they hate it, they like it until they have to deal with it.

It’s my birthday today: 32 years.

I have finished 3 verse plays so far, two of them are so long they cannot be staged, and the third one - finished after I read several books on plot construction and structure -, although it is quite good, is having a difficult time in finding a group willing to perform it.

I feel like no matter how much I practice my craft and improve my skills, the fact remains that I am devoting myself to a dead art form. The theater is no longer a mass-consumed art, and poetic plays are even less in the fashion. I’m not from an English speaking country and don’t have the opportunity to move to NY and try my luck at Broadway or in the theatrical scene of London, which makes things even more difficult.

I could try writing film scripts, but in that medium verbal inventiveness and poetic diction are not desired or appreciated. You could never try to do what Shakespeare did when writing film, so my only strength (metaphorical exuberance and verbal fireworks) would basically be castrated if I wrote for the screen (not to mention the fact, again, that I am not from an English speaking country).

I feel like I should mostly write to myself, like Emily Dickinson and Pessoa, and resign to the fate that I will die unread and probably won’t be important to readers even after I’m gone. That’s a bitter lesson in humility that I have been needing to swallow for a long time: it’s time to face it.

>>12280364
This so much. Every time.

Everything just gets more extreme the longer I'm deprived. Depravity is a function of deprivation.

>>12290251
And it's all nothing unless it is against my will. I don't want to want any of it.

Could you guys recommend me some animes that are appropriate for a big brained /lit/izen? I haven't watched many of them but I have a disturbing urge to watch one.

I started browsing /pol/ a few days ago and I'm afraid I took the blackpill.
I am even more depressed now which I thought wasn't possible.
How do I undo this?

>>12278226
>tfw you go once more into the breach on 4chan even though you disagree with much of gets said and posted here
I must complete my internet studies!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P47yvI7SWM

Writing poetry started as a joke but became the only thing I can be proud of anymore
Except no one seems to want to hear it

>>12290266
Watch the new Chinese anime - "the Leader."

>>12288671
Pls

The female body is a miracle. Curbs, under a dress. G-d exists

>>12290266
Code Geass. Haters will mock

>>12280999
no one checked those digits? sorry for you anon
checked

thinking: what if days were 18 hours, that'd be pretty nice

WHAT THE FUCK

This absolute 9/10 cute girl just agreed to go on a fucking COFFEE DATE WITH ME WHAT THE FUCK. I'm a kissless virgin I CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND THIS.

Sooner or later I'll hack into Nick Land's Twitter account and post goatse.

>>12291233
that's great, remember to bee yourself

>>12291233
Best of luck, anon.

>>12291233
Godspeed anon, I hope you make it. Don't be a dick and it'll go good.

>>12291233
Yes
YES
The tiger is out

>>12291467
Out of the closet?

>>12291277
>>12291296
>>12291341
>>12291467
I fucking love this board. Thanks. I'm already committing some byron to memory to be ready to serenade her

>>12291530
>I'm already committing some byron to memory to be ready to serenade her

>>12291551
Don't worry anon, I'm a kissless virgin but I'm thankfully not autistic and I know when and where it is appropriate to deploy such poetry

I want an autistic homeschooled gf pure and uncorrupted by this shitworld

>>12291723
a serious yawn from me

>>12291740
you don't see the appeal in an autistic homeschooled gf?

>>12288892
Bipolar yes. I think that's part of the pain is knowing once I gain what I'm after I still won't be satisfied. But your post brings me some comfort, thank you anon.

I tried to visit foreign lands but all I saw was Ronald McDonald.

>>12291746
I don't know, maybe if she looked like carli

Sometimes I accidentally click on /lgbt/ instead of /lit/

I hate living in the shadow of my addiction

>>12286729
>things Satan told me while I was prodded with pitchforks and boiled alive, even though I explained to him that real Catholics don't have to follow the word of Christ

>>12291771
a girl that looks like this basically told me outright she wants to hook up in the summer when we see each other. She's a Lit major too btw.

I really want to write about someone getting admitted into a mental hospital, I went through something similar quite a few years ago, the thing is I dont want to write about my own experiences, I want it to be fiction, but at the same time its obviously going to seriously inspired by my own experiences. I dont want to do memoirs since its too personal, it would hurt too much, and I do want artistic liberties to add events in my head.
I know deep down its going to be a bit of wish fullfillment, as the character tries to fix what I broke, but... I feel I really want to write about it but not so close so that it would hurt me or risk relapse.

>>12292087
Are you doing okay now, anon?

>>12291912
fuck you

>>12290266
The Count of Monte Cristo anime

>>12292146
Yeah, tons better thanks for asking anon.
One of the main reasons Ive been able to get better is by putting it all behind me, hence why Im cautious about writing it.

>>12292087
have you written about it before? you could write everything you remember or what to write about down into a journal, then leave it for a bit, revisit it and pick out the parts you want to take and adapt into a fiction piece. writing it all down might be painful at first, but it'll be therapeutic in the long run.

>>12292226
I have done for bits of it, I actually wrote a diary at the time so I have a lot of it written down from the time it happened. Ive filled some of the gaps post-hospital too.
I am going to do it, good suggestion thankyou anon, but I think I need some more time to be a bit more stable first.

I want to opt out of capitalism

>>12278226
To be alive is to distinguish ones self from nothing.

>>12292563
How about you distinguish yourself from brainlets next

>>12292321
I want daddy to give me more pocket money

>>12290300
> anon took /pol/ blackpill
Don't believe what people telling you. Reality is that most of the people are nice and loving. What we see in internet is borderline. Sit down, breath in and out - life is good actually.

>>12293275
why are you trying to feed him the bluepill?
he needs the whitepill