/lit/ - Literature

>Man sustains a head injury
>Becomes a STEMfag
Like clockwork.

We learn karate

>>12246896
>human knowledge and noumena is the same thing

>>12246896
extreme violence

>>12246909
>still uses H3H3 pic

>>12246896
We try to imagine being this retarded, and, upon failing, conclude you don't exist.

>>12246896
>one hard punch to the head away from becoming retarded

Is that what happened to you?

I am not a genius but I am always very scared of this. People often say they would rather die but that's not true for me, I would rather live being retarded but I'm terrified of knowing that I am incapable of comprehending the world the way I used to, knowing that before my injury I would be able to rationalize the situation and contextualize it and see a beautiful day and think hey it could be worse I could be dead or hey it was nice saying hi to the mailman, maybe if circumstances were different I'd be bitter or otherwise removed and unable to enjoy such things. But maybe with a brain injury I would only have a vague sense that I was once able to comfort myself in such a way, and that I have become a pathetic shadow of a former self whose potential to comfort me haunts me.

>>12246896
>How do idealists reconcile with this?

with a ton of denial

>>12246896
By teaching their peers

>>12246955
As a meme they've aged like fine wine.

>>12246955
>being a meme bigot

>all meme responses trying to distance from the seriousness of the playful but forceful question posed by the frogposter
cannot say that I'm surprised
>>12246909
its shit, it was always shit, it will always be shit

With the same respect that I have in regards to me stroking out at any moment. Death or worse is always near whether you realize it or not.

>>12247087
>meme retarded question gets meme retarded responses.
how did this happen

>>12247288
how is idealism justifiable if consciousness is an effect of physical states as evidenced by an unforeseen head injury extinguishing it and dampening it?

>>12247299
Because of Jesus.

>>12246896
By saying "so?"

>>12246978
Alzheimers!

>>12247306
Ebin

>>12247306
Idealists can't possibly be like this

>>12247306
Materialists unironically BTFO

>>12246896
Every young woman is one cycle of Wellbutrin away from becoming nothing like the person you’ve been in love with for seven years :(

>>12246896
>every retard in the world is one head trauma away from becoming a great genius

>>12247810
this is not a feels thread gtfo please

>>12246896
>every great anon is just one hard fuck away from being a normie

>>12247843
Pre-raphaelites did gorgeous pieces, I have this one as my desktop background.

>>12246896
>every white male is one manifesto away from lifelong marxism

>>12247810
What happened to her?

>>12247843
It hurts anon. Our love was my only remaining illusion. The last metaphysical rock in a dark and directionless sea of nihilism. And all it took was one bottle of pills to swallow her up and my faith in love with her.

>>12247872
She had a chronic stomach pain she had been dealing with for a couple years. She had tried everything but mind-altering medications. But after the dietary changes, the digestive meds, the yoga, the stretching, the different sleeping positions, and the meditation all failed to improve her condition, she caved to her GI specialist’s recommendation and brought home a Wellbutrin prescription.

I’ve fucked around with different meds: SSRIs, Adderall, benzodiazepines, Ativan, weed, etc. And she knew that. But despite my hypocrisy in saying so, she listened to me when I told her I didn’t want her taking anything that fucked with her head. For some reason I just had this gut-level worry, almost a premonition in retrospect, about her changing into someone else by taking meds—again, despite the fact that over the course of our relationship I had explored all sorts of different drugs and the altered mental states that go along with them, and she had patiently suffered my various personality alterations with not so much as a peep.

The filled bottle sat on her bedside for three months before she relented and started the med cycle. She didn’t tell me when she started, but what I later found out was a mere three days after she had started taking her first pills, I found myself in the insanity-inducing position of standing before a being that looked exactly like the only person I had ever deeply, truly loved but that was nothing like that person on the inside. I say she looked exactly the same, but that’s not true—there was a kind of hateful squint in her eyes, and the meds must have relaxed her eye muscles because her pupils were larger, making her eyes seem blacker.

It was some body snatcher type shit, and I nearly had a psychotic break. We had always been so incredibly communicative about our feelings, telling one another everything that was going on in our minds. I could read her like a book. Overnight that book was translated into an alien language, and trying to read those inscrutable runes did nothing but evoke in me a dull sense of dread that sat behind my solar plexus like a cold stone.

Arguably the hardest part was that she said there was nothing different: she wasn’t acting different, she didn’t feel different, I was the one being different, it was I who had changed. This kind of gaslighting from someone that interwoven with your very being, the one person you love and trust with all your life and heart, really fucked me up. The most stable coordinate of my reality had suddenly radically shifted, and yet she insisted that nothing had moved anywhere, and that it was all in my head. My anxiety made life feel like a waking nightmare, and when I thought about her I thought mostly about how the bright, happy, bluegreen eyes of my love had been swallowed up by those huge pupils as if by black holes and covered over by that cold, pitiless squint. I prayed all the time for God to bring my love back home to me.

>>12248005
After three months of wandering in this chaos, I was really starting to lose my grip on reality. I won’t go into detail of that score but suffice it to say I wasn’t in a mentally healthy place.

Things came to a head in a couple fights where she told me she hated me and physically attacked me. I told her it was over. She didn’t want to break up. I said I couldn’t deal with it anymore. In the mess of all that she admitted that she had felt different, had been acting different, but just hadn’t told me. I felt vindicated but still had made up my mind.

The end of my diary desu. Watch out for drugs, kids. Also disillusionment hurts and sucks balls.

>>12248005
she probably got tired of you writing like a fag

>>12248009
this

>>12247873
>>12248005
>>12248008
learn what love is before you end up writing a book about your girl problems lmao

>>12248009
>>12248016
Lol whatever it was cathartic to write it all down. Also for a /lit/ board you niggers are really against people writing posts that are more than two sentences long

>>12248057
What’s love Romeo

>>12246896
Except to the player character this wouldn't work, they are quantum locked

>>12248008
>She didn’t want to break up. I said I couldn’t deal with it anymore. In the mess of all that she admitted that she had felt different, had been acting different, but just hadn’t told me. I felt vindicated but still had made up my mind.
I hope you didn't believe that. She was just trying her hardest to get you to stay; she would have told you anything you wanted to hear. It was her final option in that circumstance to compromise her entire platform. I've been in a position like that. I wouldn't even call it "lying", as I'm sure she believed it even if it weren't true.

Also I'd be careful calling her the gaslighter. It's basically impossible to tell in situations of mutual love who is gaslighting who. You say she changed, but you admitted you already had the strong preconception that it was going to happen before it did. Whether or not this had any sort of placebo effect, there really is no way for anybody to know (as angry as this observation tends to make people). Gaslighting is so complex and unconscious that neither of you inherently have the ability to objectively assess the situation; if you do think you can, in my eyes you're basically asserting that you have a superpower. The fact that you predicted the change beforehand would, at the very least, exacerbate any actual changes and her inherent reaction against the existence of said changes.

I'm not saying this to argue with your (possibly entirely correct) interpretation of the events, but this reminded me a bit too much of my last relationship. You seem a bit too sure of yourself for my tastes.

tldr ye she got tired of you writing like a fag

>>12247086
Is that the guy from Ellen?

>>12248063
No, I'm really not, but you're fucking nuts dude and I don't really care about hearing you claim that your gf someone secretly psychically betrayed you because she was trying to treat her illness. And if you're going to force this shit on us at least learn to write better so you can be a compellingly unlikable narrator.

>>12248132
I get where you’re coming from but other people, including my family and, as I later found out, her family also noticed a pretty big shift.

Also people would like the writing if I replaced “I” with “he” and put it on a crit thread

>>12247306
Based

>>12248063
I read it all anon and I feel you. Your piece felt clumsy at times but always genuine. You're beautiful and I love you anon.

Also learn to navigate the sea of madness we all live in. You'll discover in time that like any other sea it has its patterns and currents you can learn to follow.

>>12248145
I never said it was betrayal lol. I totally understood where she was coming from. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t totally nuke my belief in love as a connection between two souls when a bottle of meds can change someone so completely.

>>12248151
Wha you're describing really reminds me of Alberto Moravia's Contempt. Godard made a movie from this book with the same title. You should read the book and then watch the movie anon.

>>12248005
>>12248008
Good posts anon.

>>12248151
>but other people, including my family and, as I later found out, her family also noticed a pretty big shift.
but this is still anecdote, and 7 years warrants couples therapy imo (which would have been a really big thing to leave out if you two actually did try it), unless you have some neurotic preconceptions about therapy too? especially when all she wanted was to relieve pain, which you were again neurotically against (it's neurotic even in spite of the possibility that you were right because it's indubitably not right to withhold her pain medication because of your strong anecdotal preconceptions).

If we want to use preconceptions and anecdote as evidence then I'd like to point out that I already got big gaslighting vibes from you before you ever even mentioned the word. Perhaps she did change a lot, sure, ok great, but what should she have done? I don't think it's right to tell her (what you believe to be) "the truth", aka "you changed so I'm leaving you". It forces her into possibly inaccurate position of "i have to choose between being in pain and liking myself"; "liking herself" because if she loves you, she wants to be someone vicariously loved through you

Also you admitted a long history of drug use yourself and used a lot of double-edged red flag words like "psychotic break", "lose your grip on reality", "it was body snatcher type shit", "prayed for God", and "my anxiety" AFTER hinting at mental instability before any of this went down

Also it doesn't matter if both families were entirely on your side, none of you are in the position to assess gaslighting.

How is this an issue for idealism in any way?

>>12248177
Thanks for the recommend my dude
>>12248155
>>12248182
Thanks bros
>>12248200
I just wrote a fuckload in response to this but I’m phone posting and clicked out of the window and lost it.

First, all the contrapoints you raise are the very ones I was working through when the decline started, before the breakup, right after the breakup, and are the same ones I’ve been working through ever since. One can only remain in indecisive analytical limbo for so long: eventually one has to settle on an interpretation and make a choice. The difference between the girl she was before and the girl she became was stark enough to constitute evidence of a major shift. There are girls your cannot imagine in your wildest dreams ever saying a deeply mean thing to anyone, let alone physically hurting someone. Sweet, shy nerdy girls who are quiet and like to stay on the fringes of social events. That was her. My merely frowning in her direction was enough to set her to worrying that I didn’t love her anymore. I was as kind and caring as I could be to this delicate creature, because in some ways I was like her too, but just with a bit more strength. It’s why we worked so well together. Both self conscious and worried all the time and needing approval from one another: she was just a little more of all those things than I was.

Now imagine this girl suddenly stops texting you for days at a time. When you say, “but we usually text every couple hours, and always text to say goodnight, and have every night for seven years,” she impassively looks at you and says, “I must have forgot.” Imagine this girl with a kind of gleeful shiver tells you she hates you. Imagine she starts drinking and one night lunges at you and scratches the fuck out of you, all over. And imagine she basically denies these things happened the next day, and as such adamantly refuses to apologize for any of them.

You might be right about the seven years and therapy. I don’t know. At the end of the day, people break up for less than our debacle. Perhaps from a kind of ethical standpoint I owed it to her to try at it for longer, despite the glaring issues. After all, it wasn’t her fault: she needed to take some meds to try to fix her pain. A stronger man would have been able to bear the burdens and stand heroically by his woman. Sadly for me and her and the world, I’m not that stronger man. I have a predisposition towards anxiety and depression and the whole things exacerbated it being my ability to cope. It reached a pitch, I decided I needed to get out for my own sanity, and I did.

>>12246903

grouping math with the STEs is misleading
real mathematicians are more like autistic philosophers, if anything

>>12248202

Because OP assumes ideas are *inside* his head.

>>12246896
Law of attraction.

>>12248005
You write like a pretentious fuck, I'm surprised your gf can stand you without giant bottle of oxy.

>>12246896
Even genius pianist cannot make beautiful music with a broken piano.

>>12248474
We’re all trying to find our storytelling style around here. Thanks for the input tho my dude, really appreciate it

>>12246978
Holy fucking shit I'm exactly the same. The fear I have of fucking up my brain and becoming retarded is worse than death to me. I mean, I'd rather increase my chances of dying but decreasing chances of becoming retarded rather than the opposite. I'd rather live all my life with all my intellectual and mind well and take the risk of dying early or something rather than having to live my Life retarded or with subpar potential. It scares the shit out of me.

Having a concussion once or twice won't make you retarded though, will it? Just the other day I got really bad blood flow from wrongly taking propanolol and I got mentally confused for hours and there's nothing that I fear more than having hurt my brain. But maybe in the future there will be new technologies that will repair and improve our brains, won't it?

>pic unrelated

>>12247855
This is objectively true. I was an autist incel NEET my whole life until I finally got laid and literally overnight became a functioning human being. Can't explain it.

>>12246896
Advaita Vedanta teaches that the idealism is only of the pure awareness itself devoid of any attributes, any sort of quality or attribute of a person such intelligence does not belong to you, because you are not your body, so they would not be tripped up by this queston insofar as to them there would be no contradiction.

>>12248520
>Having a concussion once or twice won't make you retarded though, will it?

I dont think so anon and I hope not because I have had a few

>>12248520
>at work
>hit the head with a metal bar by accident
>immediately thrown into a state of absolute panic, mind racing as I plan several MRI and GP check-ups
>rush to the toilet and start doing the whole stand-on-one-leg-close-your-eyes-and-touch-the-tip-of-the-nose to check for concussion shit
>doesn't even hurt but fuck it better safe than sorry
>co-workers are laughing their asses off as if something amusing just happened

Stay safe fellow paranoidbro

>>12246978
>>12247358
It's why neurodegenerative disorders like Alzheimer's are so extremely unsettling and devastating, even moreso than diseases like cancer. To see someone just stop being who they are is far worse than to just see them die.

>>12246896
the brain is physical and in no way magical

>>12248520
>Just the other day I got really bad blood flow from wrongly taking propanolol and I got mentally confused for hours
How did you take it wrong? Too much of it?

>>12250206
>How did you take it wrong? Too much of it?
Yeah, exactly. 80mg. My blood pressure went to 60 per 40. Maybe even lower, but my blood pressure machine wouldn't measure it that low.

I wonder how I'm still alive sometimes with all the shit I've done through the years.

>>12248063
Only pseuds that don't read books make long posts.