/lit/ - Literature

The thot audit makes me so happy.

I finally showered after more than two months. Feels good. I'm also not staying in bed today.

My life is so painfully mundane and uninteresting, I genuinely do not feel like a real individual being. Just a part of the bloated, numb, excess masses without purpose. I'm not a real person, I'm one digit in some population statistic.

I've got so many books to sell and the market has gone to shit because you all touch yourself.

>>12148226
spend your leisure time pursuing a fun hobby! if that doesn't work you are probably depressed

I should be doing something, advancing, improving upon the me from yesterday, yet I feel paralyzed. I stay in bed for hours, not even thinking anymore. I am no one, I will never be anything no matter how hard I try. I never had anything to begin with. It's not over; it never started.

This place is poison

I spit in my mom and dad's faces for birthing me.

>>12148215
>people fighting over identitary politics, discussing obsolete forms of government, obsessing over politicians...
>meanwhile corporations have more power than the gvernment
>Russia gets more powerful by the hour
>China announces genetic modified children
I feel like I'm wasting my fucking time. Is the only option trully going Varg-mode?

Man on thinking some really messed up shit right now, like if people could read my thoughts they'd probably run away screaming. Some people underestimate what I'm capable of, they just don't know. Then again, they underestimate just how patient I am. Sometimes I think I could really save humanity, other times I think I just might show them the dark grim truth that they're weak, the bottom of the food chain, how easily they can be destroyed. But I think it's better they find out for themselves, humans out there killing themselves off instead of helping one another...while I sit behind a rainy window looking on with a knowing smile...I warned them. But they're just too vain to listen. And so I whet my sword and dagger in wait for them to come to me in revenge, revenge on their once-friend who they turned their backs on, their prophet, their stoic... oh I'll be waiting. Blades don't need reloading.

your gay

>>12148215
I can't concentrate on reading when I havr access to the Internet.
For this reason every day I drive to the outskirts of my town, I bring some coffee and cigarettes and read for hours.
It's too drastic I'lk admit it but I really lack the self control.

Women over the age of 22 repulse me. And I probably repulse them.

>>12148226
I agree, in my incapacity to reach the sublime I self diagnose as one of the soulless husks that meander through life subsisting on the crumbs of persons greater in spirit than me, despite this going counter to my personal beliefs. A salute to fellow un-people

>>12148239
serious though, I read a study about masterbation increasing to the point that Orwell would have been finally happy enough to join in on a circlejerk as a commitment to the socialism cause....

>>12148301
>Women over the age of 22 repulse me.
This is perfectly normal, women age like milk

Being bisexual means being a superior human.

>>12148311
The decline is truly precipitous.

>>12148215
hooga chagga hooga hooga, hooga chagga hooga hooga

>>12148215

I wonder if I should start writing story's in my fantasy setting now and write the lore I need at that time. I see it as a platform for character driven stores anyway.
In fact, it has a little in common with cape comics so maybe readers won't mind a retcon or two. :^)

>>12148215
I got enough, I can't keep up with the internet yet I want to be part of it and an active contributor.
Maybe I'll try twitter but it's not gonna work, how does one even get people to listen to what he's talking about?

I’m a newfag to /lit/, and I realized I’m so stupid and uneducated I can’t distinguish between real suggestion and /lit/ memes. I’m actually starting with the Greeks using a /lit/ assembled chart as my guide, but I’m so insecure, even in solitude, that I feel like I’m wasting my time and am mildly embarrassed. However, I’m genuinely enjoying what I’m reading, for which I’m grateful.

>>12148574
It's not wrong reading the Greeks, they are fascinating but it's not strictly necessary starting with them.
Read what you want, there' s not an orther to it

>>12148215
He looks like he's seen some shit.

What's on my mind? Well, my mind you see. I'm thinking about who I am as a person. Self-reflection. Some biological anthropologists argue that this capacity is what sets us apart from the rest of animals, well there is some evidence that apes and dolphins recognize themselves but surely not with the narcissistic profundity of human beings.

But here is where it gets interesting. When I reflect on my own mind, just what am I reflecting on? The complete identity of the object is indeterminate. I can't view my whole life in a shard of amber. I can't be told about it from some knowing authority beyond myself, who let me tell you is no authority on the subject worth squawking at.

Because this object is indeterminate it is open for me to define. Enter Sartre stage right. That's the fun part. I prefer to think of myself as a good man because I can and I haven't done anything too bad. My list of wrongdoings is fairly sparse compared to some villainous knaves out there.

Also this song is so comfy. This was a good vidya.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-oD01luJQI

my dick no longer works, but I am horny all the time
I need help

I really want to start playing FFXIV but the last two times I tried getting into it I couldn't find anyone to level with, it's like the whole community is split into private guild chats
What do?

>>12148226
>>12148303

Stop thinking about the status quo so much, that's exactly what the persons you admire didn't/don't do. Dedicate yourself to something, work and improve.

I am living a really great life and I feel great

listening to a lot of Bach

>>12148615
Ask /vg/ or /v/

>>12148215
The world is shit and the only thing that gives me hope is god and an afterlife and people are trying to take that away as well.

Miserable weather the past couple days, it's getting me down. I ordered something from the Verso sale, like a sap. If they have a sale running 9/10ths of the year is it really a sale? Something to think about when you're on the toilet.

I'm listening to some Japanese chick someone posted about on /mu/, it's not bad.

Anyway, good bye.

>>12148626
That's a good idea and I feel dumb for not having considered it till now

>>12148630
The world is actually perfectly fair, it's just your viewpoint that's very biased. Have you tried being more just?

>>12148639
>The world is actually perfectly fair, it's just your viewpoint that's very biased
nice one

>>12148271
small auto-sufficient societies is actually the only way.
how can varg be so right

>>12148301
the threshold seems to be 21-22. And its not just about their appearence.
what the fuck happens to the mind of a woman at that age ffs?

I'm creating a constructed language for my fictional world.
It's pretty interesting how languages form, however the hardest part of this all is just how to pronounce some of these phonemes.
I just wish that 4chan had a place where you could talk about conlang. Would it be /lit/ or /int/? I do not know.

>>12148653
Too bad Varg's self sufficiency is a total façade

>>12148663
Thing is, I don't even mind old women. Old grannies are lovely to talk to, I've had many pleasant conversations with them. And 17, 18, 19, 20 year olds? Usually pretty lovely people as well (and sexually attractive to boot.)
But between their early 20s and late 40s women are too insufferable to deal with.

>>12148665
hey fellow /conlanger/! I hope that too!
probably neither /lit/ nor /int/ are ok

>>12148665
Is this another "anon creates his own language, its actually english but with different vocabulary" episode

>>12148652
I bet you also dislike some people lmao

>>12148582
you can reflect on yourself and understand some tendencies that you have
but the question shouldnt be of knowing self imo,
it's about acting it out
>just be urself
good meme but a lot more
leave the annoying ego behind which is criticizing and implemeting some sort of mechanical doubting thought mechanism and actually experience living

>>12148691
true

>>12148215
I drink coffee, black.
No sugar, because I'm a big boy now.
Grown up u know ?

>>12148653
>how can varg be so right
my admiration ends with the farm life style
neo-paganism and the whole jew conspiacy is meh

>>12148679
>too insufferable to deal with
I agree but why do they turn like that?
I have some thoughts on it: what i appreciate in the younger woman is that they are still childs... childs at heart. to me it's one of the most attractive caracteristic of the female when they are child like and playful. when they turn 21-22, they lose that caracteristic. they become serious because of a need to be treated seriously which i think is inorganic and derived from the feminist movement. they lose their childness of heart.

>>12148215
I guess when it comes to thinking/problem solving, inquiring the ALL the right questions and coming to a viable solution from those parameters is absolutely a better method of problem solving than asking a few questions and realizing the added benifits of the solution produced.

>>12148720
I might suspect it has something to do with the feminine archetypes, based on the pagan goddesses

Classically, a woman's life could be split into these 4 (or 3, or 5, depending on which archetypes you look at) roles.
• The Virgin/Maiden, when a girl is

>>12148215

As heard in the twilight, footsteps beside me in the snow, hood over her eyes, nose fresh with the red of roses, I tapped her head gently, dusting off the snow, frozen in that transient second, for an eternity to behold.

>>12148720
I might suspect it has something to do with the feminine archetypes, based on the pagan goddesses

Classically, a woman's life could be split into these 4 roles.
• The Virgin/Maiden, when a girl is young, she is childlike, joyous, curious, innocent, shy and coy. She is at her most creative here
• The Lover/Seductress, adolescence, a woman in her most wild and erotic state. She desires men and passion, and will use sexuality to get it
• The Mother/Wife, woman as the bearer of children, the protector of the home, the loyal wife, part of the community. She puts her own self interests behind the needs of others, she is very sacrificial and a core part of civilisation
• The Wise Woman/Matriarch/Crone, an elder woman who has lived a long life, has matured more than a man could (even old men can stay young and wild at heart, while an old woman is the most mature), and so gives knowledge and lessons to the community and younger generations.

I think what has happened in modernity is that the archetype of the Mother has more or less collapsed in a great chunk of women. The birth control pill and abortion have made it possible so that women can never grow into this role
Mass media has also corrupted the archetype of the Lover, making her more dominant, angry, and masculine. Which has upset balance. Many women don't grow out of this corrupted Lover state now.

False awakenings fascinate me and scare me.
Sometimes, when they happen in a loop, it makes me wonder if they were real, but the day reset itself because that reality would have ended tragically or in death, or some way that was not otherwise preordained. It's an untenable belief, entirely subjective, etc, but instances like this make me wonder if it's all one big simulation. Usually when they happen in large loops (i.e. keep waking up within dreams), something bad is happening to me or someone I know. The most recent set, I was waking up in different places (in the false awakenings, not real life) such as my car or where the laundry is done, which is a first and extremely peculiar. It felt real. So real that I was afraid I was about to sleep drive. How can the dream world, especially in the state of false awakenings be so real? The temperature, the color, the coldness of being in the car at night..... It all was totally consistent with reality, even sleep paralysis can occur within these dreams of waking up. It felt real. Too real.

I wrote a book that is mediocre shit, plus my dog's leg will probably need to be amputated. She'll probably die some time after too. She's the only dog that's really been mine, and I've always wanted to write a book that was decent.

>>12148685
No, if anything I'm going for a "Harry Potter Snake Speak" thing.

Doesn't even have SVO order!

>>12148639
Everyone's viewpoint is biased, also I never said that the world wasn't fair I'm sure it is but that's not even my point.
We as a species destroy our only home so that we can get slightly better products each year. We don't even need to consume this much but as a collective we get tricked into buying this worthless junk by already rich men who want to make money over us.
Aside from that all the technological progress we made as a species took out the wonder of life. Nothing is special anymore because we get exposed to everything the world has to offer from a young age. Globalism is also destroying all the diversity in the world. People are becoming ideologically, culturally and with time even genetically the same shit.
Like I said the only thing which is still wonderous in life is religion and that is being ridiculed and undermined till the religious institutions cave in and become mockeries of the religion they should represent.

Pussy so good imma go to the doctor and cop myself one

>>12148755
underrated post

>>12148224
Just kidding I eventually spent the rest of the day sleeping.

I sniffed a decent amount of speed periodically throughout yeasterday and haven’t slept since. In between reading everything in sight and arguing about how much cigarettes my buddy owed me, I found the time somewhere around 3:30 this morning to write out a really shitty outline of a short story. Looking over it now I basically created a character that was living the most romanticized life an amphetamine addict could possibly have.

I fucking hate porn. I wasted my 20's edging. My whole life I was told that porn is great, it's just prudes and unfulfilled pathetic men that desire women, are hating porn, that you are a loser if you don't watch porn. So I listened to them. But it turns out that this amount of stimuli fucks up your brain, fucks you up on a neurological level. It was supposed to be harmless. Of course I took it to the extreme, and this is 99% my fault. But I just can't stop thinking about all this scum that spews bullshit that pornography is great, has no bad influence over ones psyche whatsoever, and is a great thing. Normalizing being a porn actress, calling them performers, interviewing them, telling people there is nothing wrong with selling the most intimate aspect of your life for fucking scraps. And the worst thing is that in my late 20's my biggest problem is not watching pornography, the greatest feat my will, must endure. What a pathetic faggot I have became over the years. Pathetic is the best word, i don't think I will ever quit, it's like fighting your most primal impulses, like trying to persuade yourself that you shoudn't eat that tasty burger when you are hungry. It's hard also because, you have your drug avaliable 24/7, and within your reach at everytime. Even fucking alcoholic must have money, and walk to liqour store. Imagine him quitting if he has open bar everywhere he goes, in every room of his apartment. What the fuck have I done to myself over the years? I am also afraid that if by some miracle i will quit (looking at naked womane, that is really surreal if you think about it) rhe realisation of how much time I wasted, and how many I would be better now, will cause new problems. I rewired my brain, I lobotomized my urge to progress in life, ostracised ambition for dopamine hits. I became a jerkoff, destroyer of will.

My wisdom teeth are finally coming in and I thought the pointy bit of the molar was finally emerging, but then I was rubbing it with my tongue and it popped off. I panicked a little, but when I pulled it out of my mouth I saw it was a piece of grain, probably from the bread I was eating yesterday, not a fragment of tooth. I guess I need to floss better.

>>12148962
This is your old life, your old self. Go on with your life and leave your past behind, don't let it define who you are. Your present actions define who you are. Now you'll leave your past behind your shoulders. Pray and ask God or the strength not to sin anymore.

>>12148665
i hope it has plenty of cases

>>12148997
you christfags are so fucking annoying, the true cancer of /lit/

I have to overcome my own personal weakness to defeat my inner demons BUT THERE ARE ALSO ACTUAL LITERAL FUCKING DEMONS THAT'S THE MORE PRESSING ISSUE HOW THE FUCK DO I DEAL WITH THEM

Comparing the material conditions of the early soviet union and the west is disingenuous, the west was at peak industrialization and fully capitalist while the ussr was still a feudal society at the time of the revolution. There are many things you can blame the regime for, its human rights abuses, the refusal of the vanguard to relinquish power, the rampant imperialism and clearly self-centered stance the soviets took towards foreign communist movements, etc, but the material conditions, at least in the early decades, isn't one of them.

i’m thinking about the ongoing death of art

>>12148215
>No nut November
Yeah sure, I masturbated every single day even three times a day sometimes.
I'm surprised my dick still works, not to mention how much it hurts when I pee

>>12149023
I have nothing against Christians, but I don't understand how someone could sincerely be one and still spend their free time on a website full of pornography and perverts.
If you want to beat masturbation addiction, leaving 4chan permanently is the logical first step.

>>12149067
it's a meme propagated by brainlets

I wish I could be as mean and as critical as I am on 4chan irl. The forced pleasantry of the modern era is nice but feels so put on and fake so often.

How do I stop being so fucking depressed.

>>12149098
>I have nothing against Christians, but
this speaks for itself

anyway, you know jesus hanged out with prostitutes and thieves, right? His message is especially for the people who got lost along the way.

>>12149126
Prolly when you are dead

>>12149129
go fuck yourself faggot

>>12148215
Got three job interviews over Skype tomorrow morning

>>12148962
wow, who the fuck sold you those lies? more importantly, close your fucking computer. get a site blocker to block porn and help you stay committed. put in some fuckin effort. and every time you want to watch some porn, put on your sweats and run around the block a few times. do it faggot. take some responsibility for yourself

>>12148215
Bach has been my only relief from existential dread this past weeks.

Bach and "Portrait of the Artist as a young man"

>"It pained him that he did not know well what politics meant and that he did not know where the universe ended. He felt small and weak. When would he be like the fellows in Poetry and Rhetoric? They had big voices and big boots and they studied trigonometry. That was very far away."

Fuck, during lunch hours traffic here really starts.

>>12149129
>jesus hanged out with prostitutes and thieves
>so I can, too!
ffs, you christ lovers will use any excuse to break that sham of a "code" you set up for yourselves. you know what it's like? It's exactly like fat people when they approach the candy jar at work and say "I just gotta get my daily fix!" or "you ate one and now i gotta have one too!" fuckin disgusting people who know what they're doing is shameful so they gotta say something out loud to displace the self-disgust onto whatever poor soul has to co-occupy the room

>>12149166
no duh

Why does the US allow China, Russia, North Korea, etc to just hack their federal institutions and influence their elections? If I were the US, the nukes would be flying.

>>12149189
Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence

>>12149154
I think that I am too deep, it has become a partof my personality, like being a metalhead, or antifa is for some. For me it's being a porn addict. FUCK #&%@ AAAAAAAAAH!!!

>dreamt about 'her' again

We had both achieved everything we had ever wanted. We had the medals and the titles to prove it.
She wanted to meet me on a bench by the pond to talk for a while. She said that regardless of what I did that she never stopped thinking about me, and in response I told her that I have never regretted anything more than breaking up with her.
We cried for a while, and then resolved to give it another go. I was so happy.

>>12148561
Persistence, a sense of where and when to advertise yourself, and an unceasing ego: you'll need these. Post your shit everywhere without shame.

I'm 20 years old, and I haven't felt interest in being with a woman since I was 16. Nothing traumatic happened at all; I simply ceased to chase them because none would catch my eye anymore.
At times, I believe that the girls I liked before then were simply a self imposed obligation, a challenge I set up for myself because, as I had seen all over the media, it is normal for boys to like girls.
At the time I thought I was into them, now I don't know if I ever was. I had chances I never acted upon because, like a switch, the moment I got to know them, all pleasant, agreeable charming people, the need to pursue them vanished.
I'm not gay either; I've never felt attracted to men and I did consider it for a while. I can get aroused through porn or real nudity, some times just through the sight a woman's pronounced panties or bra under their clothes. But I haven't felt the need in ages of going after a particular woman, of seducing her in the hope of her reciprocal of my feelings.
I've had and continue to have female friends and I have never sense the least bit of romantic or sexual tension between us.
I keep masturbating because I enjoy the pleasure it brings, but that's the extent of my erotic interest.
Can any of you relate, or at the very least, recommend some books on the matter?
I'm not unhappy or frustrated, not even confused, merely curious.

>>12149403
I'm currently on massive doses of antidepressants and I can barely feel anything. Every bodily stimulus I feel is purely mechanical and I can't really feel pleasure anymore. I will probably kill myself soon because it's literally unbearable.

>>12148962
I wanna bust one now and you're making me feel guilty

>>12148215
I really want to put out some romance books in my name.
But, since I'm completely emotionally sterile and can't write female perspectives, I'm going to need a ghost writer.
But for that I need money.
At least I've found a good one. Now all I need to do is get a job and I can start building my romantic empire.
Guess I'm lucky there're places at the chicken processing factory nearby. I've budgeted that I should be able to fund one novella every month or a full novel every 2 months if I pull my finger out.

Wish me luck /lit/ and by luck I mean money.

>>12149189
Probably because we're constantly hacking their shit and influencing their elections too (well, not North Korea's lol).
As long as there isn't a body count there isn't really much of a justification to go nuclear, especially with other nuclear powers (MAD is in effect for China and Russia).

>>12148311
With proper conditions you can make cheese

>>12148271
>meanwhile corporations have more power than the gvernment
No they don't, only absolute brainlets could possibly believe this.
Walmart doesn't pull me over at 2 in the morning and arrest me for no good reason.
Home Depot doesn't seize my assets and then make me go through hell and back to reclaim them.
Facebook isn't intercepting and storing all of my electronic communications (that aren't on their platform).
Google isn't purging my registration from the voter roll.
Bank of America doesn't have the capability to blackbag me in the middle of the night, deny my right to counsel, and torture me indefinitely.

Until we have private security forces enforcing the law in lieu of police, corporations cannot be considered to be more powerful than the government.

I really hope that the guy I paid to program a game engine for me hasn't fucked me out of my money.
We're still in touch but he said it'd be ready in a few months, 3 tops, it's now been 9 and there are still 'problems that need hammering out' and he's distant. He's a professional within the circles we work in so I'm less afraid about it than if he was some cowboy.
But fuck do I still worry, it's so hard not to just go 'Look, are you scamming me? I have to know one way or the other' and risk ruining that working relationship

Hm
Well, I really should do that core workout today, but it's getting late. 21.26 local time here.
Perhaps I should just spent the time reading my book on meditation and finish off with some Chinese poetry to hone my skills with the language.
And I'm bulking too, I should go eat another meal now.

Damn it Kasey, come over. Every time I text you I get hard, how can one woman hold such power? But you're playing hard to get, ain't ya? Just because I came in you last time, you pretend you don't want me. You're 45, you can't get pregnant anymore, doesn't matter where I spill my seed.

Right?

Damn I hope she comes over again, I wanna doggystyle her on my couch.

I enjoy studying extremist groups. Neo-nazis, Jihadis, Aum Shinrikyo, the IRA. I'm sure this makes for a very flattering google search history and puts me on every watchlist in the world, but it does get me off intellectually. And if it feels good do it.

Here are a couple choice morsels of my observations.

1.) There is a strong correlation between military veterans joining fascist extremist groups that holds over the decades. This is true all the way back to Weimar.

2.) Higher educated and intelligent people are more susceptible to joining cults than you may realize. Their sensitivity and desire for meaning causes them to seek out extreme illusions to counteract the banality of modern existence.

3. Islamic extremists view themselves as retaliators and freedom fighters rather than conquerors and aggressors. Given the fear the West has of Islamic invasion, it is totally disproportionate to the power balance that swings the other way, with the West greatly more powerful than the Islamic World. Hence the asymmetric warfare of terrorism.

4. Mass shootings arise from a witches brew of mental illness, political alienation and social rejection combined with a culture that produces brittle egos and thin skinned men.

5. Although the conclusions to which extremists are sometimes drawn can be despicable, sometimes their premises are justified.

>>12148215
I'm just a paranoic imbecile.
Years of solitude, mistreatment, and lack of intimacy made me spiteful and wary .
This girl came to me with a genuine smile, some applepie and a coffee and I send her off crying.
I don't have the courage to look at her anymore.
I've become demented to the point of no return, I shall kill myself.

>>12149570
>and I send her off crying
the fuck did you do?

>>12149567
Any reading recommendations? Even a big list/bibliography?

My balls are itching and I don't mind admitting it

I'm almost 20 and I'm a bit concerned cause I don't know what the fuck people do. I just sit at home when I'm not at Uni. It's all my family does too. There's supposedly 'life' but I just don't get it.

>>12149567
All very interesting observations, thanks.

THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TIME TO DO ANYTHING AND I STILL WASTE TIME HERE

>>12149520
Ask him for a copy of his work so far.
What kind of game are you trying to make?

>>12149527
>You're 45, you can't get pregnant anymore
uhh

>>12149687
I've got a couple of samples of his work so far but nothing that couldn't be really easily faked with like, 20 minutes heads up before hand.
As for A /weg/ erotica game because I'm a filthy degenerate like that

>>12149527
Sure fucking hope you did that core workout, cause I did.

>>12149702
>samples
Dude, if you're paying him to make something, you have the right to ask him for the whole enchilada. It's code, it's trivial to make a full copy of what you've got and email it.

>>12149711
Just finished it lad, tears of sweat are dropping unto my keyboard as I type this reply. Good job man.

About to take the metro to go to Kaseys place.

Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattman of a personal god quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaqua quand jeté dans les circonstances eternelles JAMAIS riverrun past eve and adam's upturnpike point-and-place big space large indeed and vast too and you me yes the both of us what of it now that is the question isn't it yes i suppose so but now what well it depends depends on what exactly how we continue this whole thing that is most likely true i'm glad you agree but what will they think who gives a shit this is not their conversation after all yeah and besides they couldn't contribute anything to it hey did you see that girl earlier yeah very nice but there is simply no chance tovarisch comrade

>>12149499
Corporations are more powerful than the government in the sense that the government do what they want.
Also, those examples you gave me are worthless. We're talking about layer and layers of companies owning another, to the point where a handful of individuals control more money than the GDP of many countries.
TLDR: kill the bankers

>>12149780
>those examples you gave me are worthless
Why does it matter if someone is a billionaire if the police are literally robbing me without any legal recourse?

>>12149780
dude my fucking uncle is a banker and you wouldn't kill him, no, not for the world, he's a cool guy really. he even took me deer hunting one time - the other time, I mean - and told me all about banking and its merits. for instance, you count a lot of money and spend most of your time looking at a clock or watch thinking when the hell you get to leave, but don't tell anyone I said that he said and I said to him, saying, "but what if I said what you said and thereby said what was not supposed to be said?" and to that he replied, most eloquently I might add well that's very nice just don't you know plus you could be a banker one day too

Looking at how far my friends have gotten with their academics or relationships or work or whatever has made me desperate to just accomplish *something*. I think I'll throw myself into trying to get a poem or short story or something published, even if it's a tiny publication read by five people in a small Oregon town. Anything to be able to say "I succeeded in this. I accomplished this. I wrote something of at least some tiny worth." I have the time and I think the skill, I just need to stop being a lazy layabout who spends the majority of the day consuming media to distract from his crippling loneliness. Perhaps having an actual goal will help me get my shit together.

>>12149570
You unironically sound like the underground man.
Whatever you did, I'd call that girl back and apologize profusely. Admit that you need help.

Astounded the folks at the unemployment office today by being polite and well spoken, then came home and cranked off hard to anime porn for my reward.

>>12149570
Damn this nigga lyin' again. How many times do I half to fucking tail you to kwit that tschit? As IF a girl would approach you (with apple pie, no less) and for you, suave man that thou art, sent her tears abounding into a lonesome corner. Normally I'd applaud someone of your mien, but today of all days I reject it.

>>12149860
>for my reward.

But you didn't do anything.

>>12149863
based

>>12149810
>implying the billionaire isn't literally robbing you and the policeman and the whole country all the while

>>12149990
>implying the billionaire isn't robbing you and using the state's power as manifested through the policeman to ensure your cooperation

what's on your mind

>>12150027
He's done it

Retail isn't so bad. My coworkers keep me sane, and it's pretty fun being able to talk shit again.

>>12150055
One thing I miss about retail. Office culture is fucking trash tier walk on eggshells shit.

Well I keep on thinking over and over how fucked things have become. Its everywhere, weak thoughtless people.

>Listening to music while writing, browsing and reading
>Artwork for the album is really pleasing
>check description to see if the artist has been linked
>it has!
>Woohoo.jpeg
>click on it, brings me to artists instagram
>holy shit she has done a lot of artwork like thousands
>shes a young, attractive chick with the "art hoe" look
>don't actually have instagram since I am not female and not homosexual so am not able to see most of her work
>go to her twitter
>first post is complaining about female beauty standards
>it goes on for 2 more posts ending with the dismissal of capitalism as the culprit
>her twiiter lists a patreon
>oh look, the Asian American girl who family fled to capitalism at some point in time, has nearly 800 "patreons" making her 5$ x 800 = 4$ x 12 months = 48,000 from her art alone per year
>well miss anti-capitalist I hope your paying taxes on that then, otherwise your literally worse then any "Evil corporation is" as your are using the inventions of capitalism and making money without giving back to your host country
>mfw you know she isn't sending her earnings in.
>mfw her and her cronies are all making jabs on the system that let her ancestors and herself have opportunity to prosper
>its not even her own country and this is the appreciation that is shown

Jesus Christ anons I am going to be alone forever, every chick I met at uni was a fucking retard like this one.

>>12150127
Not true broski, my mother is a stand up gal and I imagine all mothers out there are pretty chill. That being said, only fuck escorts, that way you can LARP a muslim sultan with a harem of beautiful women

>>12150055
*ting*
Ahem. I suppose it's confession time.
I ACTUALLY LIKE black folk at most jobs I've held. I've met probably 10 of them as co-workers. They're generally much more polite and don't assume you have ulterior motives whenever you're just shooting the shit with them compared to a lower class white person. I can talk to them more comfortably and they aren't rude to me ever. At the end of the day, that's all that matters, no? Perhaps I should stop calling them that one word on here.

>>12150190
*retail jobs*
I've not worked with many in my current line of work.

Fuck Indians.

>>12150199
I have a conversation about cultures, religion, countries and history with my Indian flatmate most mornings before my lectures. It's pretty comfy.

>>12150190
As a back-end developer I have to deal with white brogrammers all day. They're all idiot savants (if that, doesn't take too much to know one language) and insufferably obnoxious. Wish I worked with cool people of any race except jews

>>12150127
dumb bootlicker
I try to avoid using that term but HOLY FUCK get your head out of the ideology dude

>>12150127
>Woohoo.jpeg

yikes and cringepilled

>>12150190
I have only had two black coworkers, and both were fired for incompetence. Seriously, that was some retard-tier code.

>>12150341
>Wish I worked with cool people of any race
I heard google is very diversity friendly

>>12150373
yeehaw

>>12150398
Not a question of intelligence but kindness and sociability. I'd rather work with someone who was dumb as rocks than some disingenuous "uhhh yeah bro" poser.
>>12150404
They hire racial pseuds instead of real black people. To have gotten as far as they did, (Harvard or Standford), shows that someone, be it their parents or advisers helped them get where they are and usually are individuals of means or mania as often is the case. They are the least genuine of the blacks which is why they're never accepted as homies among real blacks.

>>12150199
Ayo why these niggas so bad at eye contact

>>12150454
They masturbate or have sex in the morning.

>>12150127
the way you post on 4chan about feminism is __completely identical__ to the way that girl posts on insta about capitalism.

you are just as much of a sheep, but it is even more pathetic in your case, since men are meant to be those tasked with breaking away from ideology, and leading.

girls dont tend to have well-developed views on non-social things - that's not their sphere. this is the way it has always been, it's not new. it's literally literally the reason girls dont use subculture forums like this.

judge them instead on social skills, personal upkeep, compassion, and artistic/performance abilities like music and dancing. learning how to appreciate and talk about this with girls has improved my life significantly.

hating women cos they're not all writing about dialecticals is like hating men cos they're not all trying to raise kids.


the next argument against what i just said, that i see on here sometimes, is that second-wave feminism has emancipated women to such an extent that it's regressive, and that the increase in their clout has caused some unnatural imbrication upon men's role in society, hence causing safe-space pink vagina hat culture, incels, snapchat thots, etc.

stats-wise, the amount of sex being had among young people has decreased a ton over the last half century or so (since the summer of love / beatnik era). it's just that the visibility has changed cos of social media. the main reason for the new prevalence of shit-tier men aka incels is because there hasnt been a big enough war recently to pogrom the bottom 10% and cause a gender proportion imbalance. the second reason is that websites like this allow incels to form communities. i think the solution for incels is likely VR MMORPGs, but that won't be for a while. for now, they just have to suffer. (they can work to improve themselves, but there'll always be a bottom % of people who fail at every opportunity)

EVEN IF you still think most girls are weak sluts, there do exist out there plenty of good girls, who dont use much social media, dont do hookups, do send compassionate messages asking for updates from friends, do have thoughtful fun opinions on things, etc. you can improve yourself and try to meet them. i'd say like more than half of my female friends are like that.


as to what's actually on my mind, my girlfriend's hamster died and im sad about it. more accurately, im sad that she's sad - i dont give a shit about the hamster. Now im taking out the frustation on 4chan

>>12150482
Capitalism is evil but not for the reasons an instagram thot thinks it is.

>>12149863
I would read a whole book written like this

>>12149863
>>12149817
are these the same anon
if so write more

I’m out of coffee and ready to get off this damned old train train.

>>12150689
are you a train driver or are you just chilling out in a train?

>https://discord.gg/Tneav6
nominally lit discord for those who care

I'm in love with a girl in my class. I've deluded myself into thinking she likes me back. She smiles at me often, looks over at me occasionally, talks to me, but never waits for me afterwards, always walks off with her friends. I just don't know what to do.

>>12150760
girls can be tricky sometimes(all the time)
ask her out

>>12150760
Never overthink shit with women. Decide what you want, decide whether there's a reasonable chance that it can be non-creepily sought after, and if it can, then take your shot. If your shot works, great. If it doesn't, no big deal, move on. If it's ambiguous whether it worked or not, assume it didn't work and move on.

Don't mull and don't fixate.

>>12148790
>Globalism is also destroying all the diversity in the world. People are becoming ideologically, culturally and with time even genetically the same shit.
Weird assumption to make when we can already see what it'll turn into in the future: People will become as diverse globally as they are now locally. Are you going to tell me that all the people around you are the same? You're not that much of a brute

>Like I said the only thing which is still wonderous in life is religion
A machine will never write a literary master piece. Sure, you can be pessimistic all you want and say that in the future everybody will read shit written by machines, but those won't be master pieces. All they'll be is shit to appease the masses with. If you think the universe has nothing left laboring for you're far off.

>>12150799
This dude, youre at a fucking college there will always be some other thot if nothing happens with that one

>Smart enough to know how dumb I am
>Realizing how dumb I am actually makes me dumber than literal retards

>>12150668
Ass and you shalt receive conceive somewhere on the couch yes and be sure to take your shoes off wouldnt want any trouble now wood we could we perhaps mishaps happen by happenstance like empires rise and fall, autumnally rising to fall back into his pile of leaves please leave me alone or at least a bank loan am out of cash comrade Grigori roamed the wilderness for 40 days, nights, mornings, noons - not afternoons for his yoga class was at 3 - locusts covered in honey drip, drip, the comb now sings with solemnity

>>12148215
Today is the day I passed 80K. I've written 80K words of My Little Pony+Fallout crossover fanfiction.
It's called Fallout Equestria: Sunrise Stardust and The Burned World.

>>12148215
Trying to get more engagement with my future virtual society of dragons concept and blog posts but it's proven very difficult.

>>12150760
You just have to become one with God to such an extent that it shines through in your behavior and body language, women are then drawn to you like metal to a magnet. When He ceases to imagine Himself as doing anything other than blissfully abiding in Himself, you at once have everything and desire nothing. Woman can instinctively recognize and are drawn to this because in this state others perceive you as fearless, without shackles and at home everywhere and at every moment.

>'All this wells up like waves in the sea. Recognising, “I am That,” why run around like someone in need?'

>>12150860
haha nice! I have also did this and let me tell you it was pretty cool except when I had to present it to my class and these two cute girls started laughing hey fuck them you know I know i would give them some wood haha anyway i had the powerpoint up and the teacher asked a question but am deaf so tell her to repeat she didnt and girls laughed again sat down during presentation cried wept and then, lo!, the door swings open and there appears a veritable demon! "Whence comest this foul effrontery?" he bellows. I am timid yes very timid ask him to clarify he does but can't hear him so I still sit there

I just now discovered that Facebook basically forces you into handing over your phone number, and it is absolutely revolting that they are allowed to get away with this. Fuck it, man, it's not right.

>>12148279
We live in a society

Gamers rise up

>>12150915
Haha yes, brilliant.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13107414/1/Fallout-Equestria-Sunrise-Stardust-and-The-Burned-World
Feel free to read and review.

I'm increasingly being drawn to Catholicism purely because of the aesthetics.

>>12148755
Based
what could be done to combat this? No longer can we outright say we want to marry a good mother for our children, because we'll get called chauvinists. The only reasonable solution I can think of is to find a sweet girl and slowly ease her into the role, which shouldn't be too hard, as maternal instincts are innate in most women

>>12149064
With the money they spent on the cold war its a wonder the communist government didn't share any with its people, communally I mean

college is such a fucking circus, why do i bother with this shit

>>12151062
I completely agree, I'm not defending the ussr as a whole just pointing out that judging it as if it was a fully developed western economy that suddenly went commie is ridiculous

:(

found out my SO is a sniveling faggot yesterday.

>>12151041
i'm too young and stupid to figure out how to fix western women

>>12151027
Same, although the cathedral on my uni's campus is lacking in grandeur.

>>12151102
do tell

Ok anons, I'm in my room right and the shadows are growing longer now.
The grays within them getting deeper and darker with each passing minute. The late afternoon is turning into the evening.

Yet here I sit.

The passage of time calls most to action. Many spring to their feet as time slips away, not wanting to waste what little is left.

Not me.

I linger.

For I've seen what lies on the other side of tonight. It is another day, void of purpose, same as this one. Followed by another night in this bed, alone. Another dream, where she's still with me. A dream where I did something different. Anything. Even a dream where we still talk. Where I don't have to analyze every unread message. Where there are no weeks of unbearable silence. Where I can count the number of freckles on her face, instead of forgetting more what she looks like.

It's funny just how much difference hope makes. Our present reality can be completely identical one week to the next, same job, same house, same friends, same schedule...but take away hope, and suddenly everything is different.
When that thing which gave us purpose and cause to keep pushing forward is taken away, everything becomes bleak.

You look at yourself and you say:

"Why was I doing all this in the first place? What am I doing here?"

You suddenly notice all the cracks in the surface of your life that had been there all along. You'd just been too distracted by your hope to care before.
You didn't want to see.

Hope is the sedative that gets us through the pain of the mundane.
Hope is the cheese at the end of the rats maze. But what happens when your hope finally fades away?

What happens to anyone when their drug high ends?

They crash.

Boom

Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Depression. Anxiety. Fear.

You have all these emotions begin to overwhelm you. Some of them had been there all along, but had become so muted and dulled by your hope, you forgot they existed.

Now you need a new coping mechanism.

So you start going to the gym everyday. Running on the treadmill until you're light headed. But you can't stop now.
More.
More.
More.
Give me purpose. Give me validation. Whatwas my hope is gone, so now this post-workout selfie better get 600 likes or I'm going to kill myself.

Compliment me.
Acknowledge me.
Tell me I matter.
Tell me I've added up to something worthwhile. At least tell me my physical body looks good, this sack of blood and flesh - this cage of meat and bones I live in... tell me it meets your standard of beauty. Then I'll feel better. Then I'll know why I'm living this life.

Maybe you're too much of a fat fuck American for that to be your coping mechanism. You're too busy sucking down bacon cheeseburgers and watching reality TV to get your itch scratched that way.

>>12151263
So you seek it through your family. You live vicariously through others successes.

"My brother Billy made it onto the football team. Suzie is pregnant, and Greg got a promotion!" You brag about to the 800th person that doesn't care.

Maybe that's not it either. You don't really care about your family all that much. In fact, you try and avoid them if you can.

Maybe it's not in your career, you've only had crappy little jobs in retail. And it's not your hobbies - playing video games, jacking off to anime and posting on 4chan all day is shameful, you'll not have pride in that.

It's not the education that you have, you never finished college.

It's not in your relationship, you don't have one!

So now you're getting desperate,

You little loser fucking degenerate.

Don't you have anything at all in your life to take some pride in?

What will your coping mechanism be?

C'mon.

You need one. And you need it now. Your sadness is getting so real it hurts. It's a physical ache that pains you in your chest. God, you miss those hits of hope, they were like fucking morphine.

What is your new hope?

Anything.
Think.
ANYTHING.
Think!


Ah, yes, make believe.
It worked when you were a child.
Perhaps it will work now.

So you break down and admit to yourself that you don't have anything in your life to be proud of.

But you can imagine what you'd like your life to be. You can pretend that it looks like something else.

Of course, you lack the capability to make any real changes and get your life in order, but real life is harder than make believe.

So you start projecting your idea of a perfect girl onto that cute little blonde that moved in across the street.

Forget the fact that there's no such thing as a perfect girl - that she's a human being, with her own problems, wants, and needs. That she's going to have different dreams, and interests than you. That she has her own hope she's looking towards - and let's be real, it probably doesn't look like you.

Forget that she took second place in her states cross country ski competition, and that you by comparison can't do more than 5 push ups to save your life.

But deep down, you are a realist,
and make believe can only last so long.

>>12151290
So you try and tell yourself some hard truths:

"Look," you say to yourself aloud,

"It doesn't matter that much. Life goes on. I need to be content with myself, ya know, love myself first. Another person doesn't, and shouldn't determine my happiness."

But it doesn't matter if you know it's true, because it doesn't feel true. It's just something you tell yourself to draw your attention away from that aching feeling still in your chest.

"A girl's not going to solve my problems."

Yeah. Ok.
Yet another truth blended with a lie.
You're getting real good at those now...almost fooled yourself there.
Cause yeah, maybe she won't solve your problems but it sure as shit won't hurt anything.

It would be nice, you know? To kiss. To be kissed. To hold hands. To waste money on overpriced, too-sweet coffee to drink while we walk around Target as I slowly get bored...

I wouldn't mind getting bored - if it was with someone else for once.

But this eternal cycle that I've been living needs to stop.

The loneliness that leads to the pornography that leads to the self disgust that leads to the attempt at change, which inevitably fails. So the circle begins anew. This moving sidewalk of hell has gone on for too long. But I can't get off. I've tried...

>>12151296
Oh.

It's thundering now. The shadows have connected from all corners of the room. Soon they'll take up the whole ceiling, and I won't be able to tell where the shadows end and the rest of the darkness begins.

You know I can't even remember what the last thing she said to me was?

I already told you I'm starting to forget what she looks like. Sure, I can look at pictures of her online. Heck, I'm in some of them. But pictures don't show what someone really looks like. A picture is a single micro-second frozen in time. It doesn't have the persons essence.
The way a person stands when they're nervous, or energetic, or contemplative. The way their nose wrinkles when they laugh. How their eyes go big when they're surprised. The small delicate movements of their fingers.

I'll tell you, I've never been attracted to someone hands before this. I mean, I cant even say I'd ever thought about there being beauty in a person's hands. But hers? There was an elegance about them. Long, gentle, almost delicate, fingers.
The kind you expect to see playing a harp or piano.

I remember she'd write in her journal, taking notes or scribbling out little sketches, and watching her hands move was almost magical.

She made the mundane into art. That was her in so many ways.
A catalyst of loveliness.
Too kind hearted to keep it to herself. As a flower can't help but bloom and spread its color with the world, neither could she help but to show her beauty to the world. It would flow through her, changing what was around her.

Her beauty was not the flashing flame of a campfire - flaring itself out to be noticed by others...it was an ember.
Her beauty was warm. Others drawn in by her warmth, who can stay away?
It was steady.
It was preserving, long lasting.
Her beauty touched other things and made them glow too.

The only thing I fully remember of her is her laugh. What a thing it was. So full and wild and free. The laughter of running through a field of violets. The laughter of freshly chopped wood becoming covered in flakes of powdery snow...No, it was the snow itself. It was a glass of dark red wine. It was a gentle brook. A rushing river. A candle at dusk, still burning through dawn. It was all of this, and it was none of it at all.

The rain has come at last now too.
It taps upon the window, and comes down in sheets against the roof tiles. It acts as a sort of buffer, creating a bunker of quiet darkness that I'm now in.

Night has fallen and with the storm, no stars or moon are out to light the sky.
It is comforting, draped in this darkness, fully enveloped by rain, but it is lonely.

And I am alone.

>>12148215
Cock...
Dick...
Gaysex...

Some months after fragmenting my spiteful neet personality and trying to being genuinely myself, trying to return to a mix between the loudness of my teenage years and the meekness of my childhood, and trying to be wholesome, I am finally wavering at the seams. In a last attempt to assuage my everpresnet guilt and its companion, the desire to be a good person, i’ve been trying to mold myself after Dale Cooper. During the previous week I’ve started praying for mercy, for my prayers for strenght of character and wisdom aren’t enough anymore. Truth be told, maybe they never were. I don’t even know if my faith is legitimate, and not just a lifeline made of desperation.

I’m not gonna make it.

I leave you with ten things that may help my fellow anons:
>as someone above said, this place is poison
>don’t ruminate on/anticipate situations
>find joy in others
>believe in yourself
>believe in something greater than yourself, be it a faith, a job, a way of life, a family or wathever else, as long as you do others no harm
>do others no harm, but do not be meek when facing harm
>be charitous
>don’t let the word calcify your soul
>don’t see any situation as insurmountable, man isn’t made for defeat
>don’t be lazy

I know I’m a hypocrite, but that doesn’t seep away from to value of these ten things. I wish you all the best.

>>12151314
>world

I leave you with a eleventh principle:
>do exercise, and eat and sleep well. These improve your whole being, including your cohesion when writing

>>12151314
Thanks anon. I wish you the best in life.

>>12150708

I’m the conductor

>>12151304
Did you fuck her?

>>12151451
No

>>12150482
>breaking away from ideology, and leading.
Stopped reading here. Without an ideolgy your desination is undertermined.
"Follow me!"
"Were to?"
"Wherever I go!"
"OK! :D"

>>12150482
Anon I didn't say I think all women are like this. I know for a fact they aren't. My grandmother was living proof, my aunts are living proof. But as a young 20 something it is not easy finding women that aren't absorbed into this BS. I don't expect to find a libertarian pro-white girl, but that doesn't mean I'll settle for a deranged women who has values that morally object to my own, and my people.

>>12150509
Jesus christ anon kys

>>12148215
Maybe December will be the month I finally kill myself

>>12148215
I'm a pretty introverted guy. In early high school the need to fit in and appear acceptable to the group never bothered me or entered my mind. I was content with studying, reading, participating in all the extra-curricular activities associated with the "nerd" stereotype (chess, band, public speaking, debating, short story competitions etc.) and hanging around with similar individuals. Is it shallow to be envious of what more sociable people have now that I'm about to leave that behind? I never did get to have the whole high-school girlfriend partying experience.

My friend makes really groovy music

>>12148962
At least you see the problem rather than rationalize it as most people do.
The physicians of old were entirely right. I'm going to write a good post tomorrow to try to help you.

It feels nice to be thanked by the person you adore. I live to see their smile


Alas I feel lately everything is stale. I need a job. I pray and hope I can get this internship....

>>12149154
Means absolutely nothing if you do not conquer the underlying habitual sexual release that pornography instilled. You're brain draws on past sexual experiences, even if you don't have stimuli present, which only serves to reinforce them. People that claim to have "quit porn" yet still masturbate daily, are just as addicted as they used to be, perhaps more so as now even innocuous environments lead to unwelcomed intrusions of arousal.

>>12149098
bro we have 4channel now, a nice, blue board

>>12151898
>seeking approval and adoration for others
>willing anything at all
Let your soul therefore turn always:
"Not to what is most easy, but to what is hardest; Not to what tastes best, but to what is most distasteful;
"Not to what most pleases, but to what disgusts;
"Not to matter of consolation, but to matter for desolation rather;
"Not to rest, but to labor;
"Not to desire the more, but the less;
"Not to aspire to what is highest and most precious, but to what is lowest and most contemptible;
"Not to will anything, but to will nothing;
"Not to seek the best in everything, but to seek the worst, so that you may enter for the love of Christ into a complete destitution, a perfect poverty of spirit, and an absolute renunciation of everything in this world." --- Saint John of the Cross

>>12148215
The more I do it, the more I really love recording audio on movie sets and mixing it all together in post. I want to keep doing indie gigs as a sound technician for a while. It’s such comfy and satisfying work.

Books for this feel?

>>12148215
I am lonely and really want a change because something traumatic happened to me over Thanksgiving Break, but I will probably end up just trying to numb myself and falling back into my normal habits, which is probably for the best for now.

At the moment I'm particularly depressed a qt will never whisper Les Fleurs du Mal to me outside of ASMR so I think I'm gonna fall asleep to that tonite.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrEVEGy6LQg

These are the only threads I enjoy on this board anymore.

I'm finally trying little by little to take steps to get over the fears that have held me back throughout the last three years and move on to some new shit in my life. It actually feels pretty tight. Also, I'm three pages into my first screenplay and I never thought that would happen in a million years. So, yeah...fuckin' shit.

>>12149567
>Islamic extremists view themselves as retaliators and freedom fighters rather than conquerors and aggressors
how do americans not know this by default?

>>12151869
I am beyond saving at this point I'm afraid.

>>12148215
Piggy piggy poo poo poo
Post modernist belong in the loo

>>12149567
1. Guy hasn't heard of the veterans opposed to Hitler lmao. Crown Prince of Bavaria ring any bells?
2. Yeah- and martial arts dojos.
3. The only good bug, is a dead bug.
4. It's because of societal degradation and loss of morals. IE- beat your damn kids.
5. t. "guys... I'm not saying what Hitler did was good.... BUT- you ever look at who owns everything? I'm just saying---"

It feels good to accept the inevitable outcome.

>>12148220
>the thot trials

The heart beats.
The cleft feets.
The pervert peeks.
Salmonella sweets, those tasty treats.
So shall street sweeps sweep the streets.
Go gobblin', O Goblin.
Salmon, ham, and Sam and sand.

>>12148224
Is this a new meme? Or am I going a little crazy

I spend too much time on this basket weaving forum

>>12149646
ikr. I'm going on a full technology detox soon, you should do the same

>>12148574
>>12148580
+1

>>12152883
Right and wrong are subjective in this life. If an Isreali soldier shoots a rock-throwing Palestinian child, is that right or wrong? If South African blacks slaughter a white family and take their farm, is that right or wrong? It all depends on who you ask. This is pretty basic stuff though, I don't even know why I'm making this post.

I wen't out into my garden this afternoon and saw my dog rolling around in the dirt, his blonde fur was speckled by sunlight through tree leaves. That moment felt so real and grounded. I found it so odd then, that people would be gnostics or ascetics. This world is not entirely cruel or evil.

>>12151041
I say it all the time, some people laugh at me and others kinda know thats the only option but stay quite.

There is only so much liberal bullshit one can take, and I dont think its far fetched of men to expect someone who is more conservative, or slowly gets more conservative as she matures.

>>12148833
I am absolutely jealous my suomi fren

Speed is fucking great

I don't think a civilisation will ever produce as much brilliant art, music and philosophy as the Holy Roman Empire, or its successors the Kingdom of Prussia and Austrian Empire, ever again

>>12149222
Dont do it bro

If it failed once it will fail again

You're just setting yourself up now

>>12149702
Do you guys not use git and can you not see his commits and how much code he's adding?

If not your relationship is fucked

>>12149883
>shhhh
>being nice and polite is an achievement

>>12148962
Same here, only I'm 22.

>>12152953
No it's not a meme. I let myself go because I'm depressed and I want to die.

>>12153008
I love my dog too anon

If you put some hot water in your mug while the tea is brewing to heat it up the tea will stay warm longer and the whole experience is a bit nicer.

I want to knit something but I keep putting off finding or designing a pattern

>>12149222
I know that feel anon. Sending love your way <3

>>12153815
Forgot my pic

What causes the divide between anons who want a cute gf they can talk to and do activities with and the anons who want a gf with large breasts they can have sex with and brag about?

>>12153828
It's really just sexual frustration in both cases, only channeled differently

>>12152714
because americans literally think they're god's gift to the world and can't understand why anyone could possibly not like them

>>12148215
Something confusing happened

I like watching/listening to interviews with porn girls because it humanises them which makes their dehumanisation more arousing. You can't really appreciate the complete commodification of a girl unless you know about her childhood and family.

>>12154023
based and redpilled

>>12154023
based hollaback

>>12153008
But then your dog gets sick, and passes away after much suffering, and you start to understand the gnostics and ascetics again.

>>12152967
Quick rundown on the game plan? I’ve thinking about turning my internet off for a month.

>>12154023

Nice one, Punchy.

the day its like if you learned the exact time place and situation of your ass to makeway for your polygendered openrelationship gf males silicon strapon that heshewedeeznuts wears over xers hrt withered diccand smile for the chaturbate camera im talking about the iceberg split of time that i sound crazy claiming to be some modern age biblical prophet am not permitted to have a mundane love life but that i must enact the fairy tale of the beauty and the beast like when ive established myself in the future from all this bullshit over the last two years and i

Should I act as the devil she takes me to be, to fully validate her neurosis, or should I continue to struggle to be heard for my own voice?

>>12148962
>Furthermore, the will, agitated by the insatiable drive for pleasure, no longer follows reason but rather the tumult of the passions.

>>12148215
How pathetic.
My mother just barged into my room trying to have a talk on me not having any friends or social life.
Feeling guilty and all for some reason.
It's painful to watch a parent crying in front of you as if she raised some sort of cripple.
I hate it. I hate so very much.
"You were always a sad kid, what did I do wrong ? Why are you so distrustful with people ? "
"Promise you won't drive off people trying to get close to you"

It drives me mad. Being pitied is dehumanization at its finest.
No one treats you like a person once you become the outcast.
I wish I cared less too.
But I can't. Phoney bastards and their pity, their lousy faces, the compassionate stares as I were a dying dog on the street.
Like hell I'll accept that, damned cretins.

>>12154023
stop watching porn

"What are your qualifications sir?"

Gentle smile. "Why I'm a philosopher. A lover of wisdom."

>>12149427
Do a flip

Nothing is really on my mind.

>>12148773
It might be good but thats really only up to others to decide. I've written 7 books, eveyrone finds something different they like. All that maters is that you had fun and are satisfied with what you made, then throw it aside and call it trash. I wrote one book with a sad ending and hated it but objectively it might be the best one.
But its not about that with your mixing of this idea and the idea of your dogs death. Sucks man, at least you got to both share love with the time yall had

https://youtu.be/OKY6BGcx37k?t=2543

>>12154023
I think I know what you mean. When I watch lesbian femdom porn I am completely incapable of taking it at face value as a play of symbols participating in the underlying fetishes anymore, because so many things about porn are poorly planned and especially poorly executed, so that tit ends up being riven with contradictions and semiotic decay, and the performances can't suspend my disbelief anymore. For a while a few years back I was willfully suspending my disbelief but this was painful even at first, let alone when the ratio of effort to payoff got even worse and I felt like I was squeezing moisture from a stone. I would have to squint the mythic eye of my soul with maximum willpower at the porno and heroically suppress my rational intellect so that the former would be able to maximally glean whatever loose, floppy, degraded symbols of my kinks were still operative in the porn while the latter would be held back like a champing dog at the end of its tether.

When even this failed to work anymore I gave up on porn completely. This lasted about two years. I would periodically come back for a porn binge after months of nofap, which could just barely purge my memory banks of my various reflexive heuristics for detecting and assessing the shitty directing or acting in any porno, just enough to make some of it new and fresh again. But the fundamental problem was always there.

>>12155146
The breakthrough came during one of these lent-breaking binges, when I was straining my mind at maximum intensity yet again to scrape up some scraps of arousal from the dirt in a scene where a girl was sitting on another girl's face. I could hear the fat cameraman's heavy breathing and the girl kept saying things like "You like that? You like my big butt?" which no woman would ever say, while wearing panties and a bra because she somehow thinks that it's not hardcore porn if she's "only" sitting on a strange woman's face and not technically showing her vagina or nipples. My dick was wilting and I felt like killing myself. I felt complete despair in my heart. Then suddenly an epiphany hit me, when I realized, the "problem" with this scene, that the girl doesn't want to be there and is a lazy worthless piece of human garbage who can't even put in the bare minimum of effort to do her job properly whether she's proud of it or not, can be flipped on its head to become a bonus. Rather than seeing the porno scene as a deficient instance of my preferred fetish archetypes, insufficiently cogent and powerful to suppress my disbelief without colossal additional effort on my part, I turned it inside out, and saw it as a broke college girl who is so desperate for money that she's willing to degrade a woman ten years her junior by putting her pussy directly on her face. Rather than it being a downside that she doesn't take her panties off, it's an upside, because she's ashamed, she feels nothing for this woman, who looks similarly depressed, and yet is willing to do this terrible thing to her just so she doesn't have to get a real job. All of the archetypes my soul's dick hadn't seen in years, selfish women putting their own benefit over that of others, stupid entitled bratty women being lazy as shit, dominance and degradation being gratuitous and unglamorous because it is taken for granted as the natural order, all came flooding back to me.

Now whenever I watch porno I look right past the utterly failed and inept tatters of whatever archetype the director is trying to evoke, past the horrible performances of the unattractive actresses, and I induce a gestalt shift so that I see the scene unfolding in real time in some grungy apartment where two women meet for the first time and don't particularly like eachother, yet one is forced to endure the other one sitting on her face, and not particularly caring about her discomfort, because she is prettier and gets paid slightly more and doesn't have to be the one that gets her face sat on. Behind the failed ritual is a real ritual taking place directly at the source. That allows me to jerk off so I can alt-tab back to "Yu Yu Hakusho."

>>12154805
I understand you. I wasn't particularly a victim of bullying on high school but it was obvious that my peers considered me a subhuman. The boys laughed or bewildered anytime I spoke something, I was a clown for them ("What is this weird dude talking about? xdd" ). The girls treated me like If I were their retarded son, trying to explain me everything and making me feel at ease (hey guys, don't say anything mean to anon). They pitied me. Nobody would bully a kid with Down syndrome but at the same time that kid would be considered by everyone as a subhuman, I was that kid. I would have preferred a honest punch in the face, sincere scorn, rather than this false compassion.

>>12154408
Everyone and everything dies. It's sad but not always tragic.

I'm considering for how long I could postpone suicide in case of nuclear war.

It's late autumn now, the leaves have all fallen and it's cold enough to need a real coat to go outside, a sweater won't cut it. The sky is that very pale blue you get when the clouds are exceptionally thin. The whole world looks cold. It'll be winter soon, in a couple days I guess actually. Doesn't make much sense to drag autumn into December. I miss fall already, it's very nice here in New England but it doesn't last. I don't like the winter much, it brings out the worst of my sadness. I'll be home with my parents for most of December, so hopefully that helps. Last year was pretty unpleasant though, it was really unseasonably warm but everything was still dead and lifeless. I had some really unpleasant things occur in my social life, and trudging through hills of dead, pale brown grass and leafless trees thinking about it made it all the more awful. I hope this year is more comfy times, but I'll probably be forced to confront some people I don't want to and I worry what it will do to me. This is also my last year of college, there's always this great sense of finality with everything I do here now (last time taking fall mid-terms, last time going home for christmas, etc), so I've been thinking about that a lot. I don't know what's next for me. My life has always had a fairly certain trajectory and for the first time I'm really quite lost.

That's what's on my mind.

I'm at a crossroads in my life and about to leave the military. Deep down I feel like I'm the same person still and live in an awkward fringe of acceptance by my peers. I can't identify with the forever alones and weirdos but I suffer from the same kind of disease. I want to start reading again but I can't get my mind off the fear of being alone again. I sometimes feel like I might be doomed but I still keep pushing along. Is there any lit for this? I feel like the Russians might be the right step. Deep down I can point where and why I feel like I do but I'm powerless to change it. The anxiety turns into self loathing and I know that I'll be in a percarious position without any structure when I'm set free again.

Is there a healthy amount of time to spend on this website or do I need to leave it entirely if I want to improve? I'd miss things like the poetry critique and the /lit/ humor threads if I left entirely I think.

Is there such a thing as a "fit of selfconsciousness"? As in, a point where you're more paranoid than usual? Would that just be called an anxiety attack? I had a conversation earlier today that launched me into a state in which I felt that I was deeply disliked by the people around me.

>>12154805
damn

>>12154805
My mother just endures kindly while I waste away in bed all day. I would do anything to fix my depression and make her happy before she dies.

>>12155479
I pretend to have friends even though I really only have a few high school acquaintances I see a few times a year so my mum doesn't get sad.

>>12155430
it is said about other things that it tends to be easier to quit something if you do it 100% instead of, say, 90%

>>12153448
Yikes

>>12154805
Parents can be such dicks. She's not going about it right. It's sad to say I could raise some people's kids better than them and I don't even know the brats.

Like my mom even called me a loser at some point when I was like 17. The fuck? I had just gone through this traumatic experience that scarred me for years. I don't understand people who are mean to their kids. How can you be so petty?

>>12155352
> it's cold enough to need a real coat to go outside
Lol where do you nigs live where it only recently started to get cold

>>12155593
>It says it right there in the post

>>12155570
Maybe some parents just have this ideal situation in there head like hey my kids gonna be how I was and once the kid just turns out to be a loser or whatever it fucks with their ideas.

>>12149863

>>12148215
Daniel has been caught having an affair.

"You are seriously over-reacting and letting your emotions run wild"
At this, her furious expression pronounced itself further.
"Linda, you're unbalanced."
"Maybe I am unbalanced" she confessed, seeming to regain some composure, she turned to him and scowled with quiet rage;
"But is you who unbalanced me."
Daniel responded
"look I'm sorry..."
She cut in with a calculated indignation
"No, Daniel you're assessment was correct, and I demand no apology for the truth, it's refreshing to hear it from you! I am unbalanced, but it is you, it is all you! You who filled my heart with despair! You who conceived in me a hatred for myself! You who knocked me from the chair of reason! It is you and only you to blame for my anguish; and I shall not spare a single word to show you this. To hell with reason Daniel, if you have taught me anything in our horrid time in this house; it is that you cannot reason pain away, you cannot un-think anguish, you cannot be balanced in your unbalanced house!"

I went to the old man’s house to report this disputation, and he had plenty to say:
"of course" the old man said
"her assessment was incorrect. But she was wrong only is so far as she judged his vice as being 'unbalanced with reason'. As if he had too much intellect"
The old man paused and looked at me, to be sure I was following.
"That man has no intellect; he just uses intellectuals for his own shortcomings. He thinks like this: 'If I can be like Camus in his womanizing, Schopenhauer in his self-loathing, Kierkegaard in his nervousness, then I am in their likeness, and my sins are forgivable! For I am merely like the greats; and I am just a misunderstood, a great, some torturing and tortured artist! A tormented thinker!'
This kind of thought doesn't impress me, it disgusts me, and it gives him license for all kind of disgusting acts. A license he takes no hesitation to exercise. He lies, cheats, steals women from good men and toys with them. He ruins others relationships and his own. Then when he is confronted by the heartbroken, he curses the world for its vice. He looks to his own heart with tender gloom and sees to mending himself, as though it were he that had been wounded. He is no intellectual; he is a cultured degenerate. A shameless voluptuary who begs the greats of the past to make his excuses for him. Fuck him, I hope he is as miserable as he says he is."

My problem is that I don't make enough money to buy books and clothes and food.

>>12155735
Excuses.
if you REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted it, you would've find a way.

>>12155603
Yeah but you can't just beat a kid into shape. Trust me I've tried...

They're not Marines.

I am a legitimately fucking retarded person. Im at that phase of development where a child is 5 years old, learns to speak and asking questions all the time. Why is that? Why? Why? How? Where?

I have had about 15 different jobs in the last 2 years and all of them were hilarious examples of a grotesque creature which should be displayed in a circus, or examined by specialists

You know the pyramid of needs where theres shit like sense of belonging etc? I never got past-basic physiological needs. Because I changed country when I was a kid and I moved every 3 years because my dad couldnt keep a job or even a country.

Im beyond deranged. Ive been ignored, abused. Sigh

im so fucking tired bros. So far I've endured 25 years of absolutely idiotic, nonsensical chaos.

I have no fucking clue what to do

>>12155747
t. burger

>>12155790
See a psychiatrist. It's your best hope.

>>12155308
Yes, it is.

>>12155855
to which end? so I can start eating some pills? My mom likes to eat pills. When we came back from the other country, she realised she married a homeless alcoholic, and her own parents were alcoholics, and started screaming all day at me, and at my dad. And later he made her believe shes mentally ill and started eating pills every day, while I started jacking it and frequent porn places like this one

>>12155894
did she stop screaming with the pills, at least?

>>12155912
yes but I think that people shouldnt be eating pills, and you have right to scream if your parents abused you and were getting shitfaced instead of parenting

but she repressed that shit and even now talks with her mom, who cant stop talking about getting railed. My mom works two shifts and her hair falls out, and her mom cant stop taking dick in her old cunt. FYI my entire family, from both sides, is 100% homeless alcoholics. I slept in the fucking park, my dads put me in debt for 50k and asked me what should he do

Can you fucking imagine that? Ignore your son, and then put him in debt and ask him what to do now? Sometimes I say that shit out loud and cant help but erupt in hysterical laughter. Its just that absurd

>>12155894
>frequent porn places like this one
4channel is not a porn place

>>12155942
>>12155894
Fuck. You're in an extremely tough situation. But yeah, if you feel like you're breaking down mentally maybe pills can help as well as cognitive behavioral therapy.

You seem to be an alright person willing to find a job and become independent, you're not a depressed larva like me. I'm certain that with a little help you can fix your life and achieve something.

>>12155894
stop touching yourself and viewing that shit.

>>12156031
I already know that. thats my biggest achievement actually "not jacking it for more than a month". This is the level of reality I operate on

>>12156017
I dont want to be eating pills and therapy is what, I go there and tell them all the story of my entire life and they tell me well you need to sleep good, eat good, get a job and socialise, and clean your room? I already know I neeed to be doing that shit, my problem is that I'm homeless and have endured 25 years of pain. I dont know how to fucking live. You know I've been depressed and wanting to kms since I was a child because I never belonged anywhere because I spoke two languages. I was "that guy from abroad", "that immigrant". I have no fucking community beyond anonymous. Ive been going around asking people to love me and getting into extreme cringe situations. Doing drugs, having sex with literal whores and gay sex. I've also been obsessed with sucking dick for 10 years. Lately Ive been isolated and in a schizo-mode, created an entire internal realm in which I reside most of the time, daydreaming my life away. I swear Im just not made for this fucking planet

I know nobody cares, I dont even know why Im writing this shit out.

Also I'm still in love with a woman that I havent seen in 3 years. I dreamt of her tonight. I care about her more than anything else. I just think that I crossed a lot of barriers which other people never cross, like sleeping in the park and stealing. And yet at the same time I think I havent done shit yet and regret and shame and pain is killing me on a daily basis. The burden I bear on my shoulders every day is the scream of a thousand starving niggers dying of malaria. Im not writing any of this because Im crying or something, Im just looking at this objectively and it doesnt make any fucking sense. Im not even asking for help, maybe its some sort of perverse satisfaction I get from exposing myself like this to strangers. Like showing your dick in front of a crowd on the street

/emoblog

>>12156088
>I dont even know why Im writing this shit out.
You're venting, because you need it.
I'm sure that even talking to a psychiatrist can help you somewhat. There are programs to rehabilitate people like you and get them to live a normal life. You're lucky that you're not slowly decaying and imploding and instead you want to vent and do something about your situation. Find a simple, non stressful job and stick to it no matter what.

>>12156088
Be like Tony Soprano and go to a psychiatrist

>>12156121
I dont want to get a job, I want to write all of this shit out on a website and hope people will give me some donations on a paypal because theyll be entertained by this bafoonery. I have money to last another 2 months, if I dont get anything from my website then Ill get a job or kms then

Also I'd really like to go to the town in which I spent 6 years of my childhood, and write about it. I want to reach out to the girl from elementary school in italy. That is if I dont die of noshower reek this week

I mean people write about their childhoods spent abroad and get literary prizes, so thats material enough for a blog, and I have much more than simply going back there. I have the cock

I have the domain already. My problem is I cant pick a language and keep thinking I should do it in all three, for the three countries. My notes in word are in my native though, and not only writing all that shit down and also translating it is a gargantuan task for a madman

>>12148215
https://twitter.com/g_rdn_/status/1068141902619467776
Am I falling for cheap ideology, /lit/?

>>12151948
>not doing the littlest things to make sure their day isn't shit
>not trying to make their what little years they have left on this planet a joyful one
>know they are in bad health but try your best to keep them healthy
>just to make sure they are well

Y'all wish you had someone this devoted to you

>>12156088
I count my greatest accomplishment in life as my bouts of periodic celibacy (no sex, no masturbation), especially the first serious success, which was over 6 months total without sexual release or even arousal. I went to medical school and I still consider prevailing over this the greatest thing a man can do and hold more respect for chaste people, or even those who just strive to be than I do for useless bugman who accept this as a part of life where nothing can be done about it.

>>12156088
>>12156315

Most mornings I would stroll about near the river and watch a few ducks frolicking here and there and where the sky would loom quite low in tow back to their beginning sinning 'gainst nature god perhaps yes ducks who speak in untranslated tongues rungs of Jacob's ladder he is sadder then before pour il a un petit pomme Somme river blinding terror perched from on high some sky whither ducks flocked frocked coat trench coat how is my coat I asked to her replying not well yes and we must thank thee o lord for now seasons are exchanging gifts across the river its cool shiver encroaches my comfort bust wasn't using it why yes you may borrow it but I need it back after class all its ink has left building and even she won't look at me its not so bad once you are used to it I'm not there yet only after 12 because lunch calls and I will answer hello who is this tis I said lunch with a hunch premonition key in ignition in my car with her by my side a bliss a kiss

>>12156273
there's not even a coherent ideology presented in that thread

I can't tell if my overriding interest in futanari is the cause of or a defense mechanism for my lack of interest in real women.

I want to eat eat eat
apples and banana

>>12156315
when I went on a 50day semen retention streak, supernatural things started happening around me

>>12156438
I love oral sex as well. In an ideal world I would be eating ass all day. I tried sucking dick but wasnt into it

>>12156315
My biggest barrier to trying this is that I piss the bed if I have a wet dream which there's no way to control that I know of.

>>12156392
It's basically
>look, the enviroment and the society are fucked!
>wanna save it? disrupt the estabilishment as much as you can while keeping trad values between your family
I don't particularly care about the gay shit, but I must say I'm particularlt susceptible to apocalyptic scenarios
I'm >>12148271 btw

>>12156419
it's a fetish induced by your porn addiction

>>12156467
you need to strongly imprint in your subconscious the will to not cum and train kegels daily. I have sex in my dreams and I have a full body non ejaculative orgasm which lasts for minutes and feels like a thunderbolt fucking my body, my belly hurts as if I was after a heavy ab workout

My mouse can't right click anymore.

>>12156470
But I only got really into porn after discovering it, since I couldn't jack it to women without dicks. I ejaculated for the first time at age 20.

I stopped smoking weed and I can feel my life changing for the better

>>12156488
have you ever been with a woman? I thought that Im gay because I loved watching women sucking cock

>>12156488
stop watching porn and you'll most likely regain interest in real women

>>12156315
what do you mean no arousal? you didnt have a boner for 6 months? when I do nofap I wake up rock hard and get rock hard randomly throuhout the day

>>12156467
Wet dreams arise as the result of mental indulgence in erotic thoughts or visual material throughout the day which automatically starts engaging the bulbourethral gland, secreting cowper's fluid which isn't able to be recycled internally. This is the impetus for what triggers a wet dream. You need to absolutely avoid any and all stimuli and instances of arousal if you wish to minimize the occurrence of wet dreams.
Regardless, the neurological and hormonal penalty that accompanies conscious sexual activity is not there. If you have ever woken from a wet dream, you'll notice there isn't an accompanying orgasm. There is no prolactin increase following an involuntary emission during sleep. There is no habituation instilled.
If you're literally pissing the bed following a wet dream, you probably have some other problems wrong with you such as spinal damage or a hernia. You should see a urologist.

>>12156501
I fingered a drunk girl in high school, that's it. It made my dick hard but I couldn't finish.

>>12156469
I can kind of see that, that thread just seems very schizophrenic though. I still don't know how the comic about millennials and the guy holding the sign fit in, or the image which I believe is supposed to be modeling the impact of the yellowstone volcanic system exploding.

>>12156516
You were not practicing it correctly. These erections were not occurring "randomly" throughout the day; they arose due to your mental lasciviousness and exposure to sex stimuli. Erections have a cause and effect and if you allow them to happen, sexual abstinence becomes almost a self-defeating battle, leaving you horny and drained. The very language that you used is evidence of your thought process, which of course will eventually incite and excite.
As for the nocturnal erections, they are normal, and unfortunately, the as the years progress, many men have associated the state of waking up with one as arousing due, which should not be the case. This is one of the things that drove me to quit with renewed effort. That stole the serenity of a nice clean morning, and it's ritual of a nice cup of coffee and just sitting in contemplation of the day ahead and replaced it with a frenzy of arousal, where my the peace of the morning was completely thrown out and all that was on my mind was one thing, that one thing, and if acted upon, the morning and motivation for the day ahead was utterly gone. For this reason, if people are waking up aroused, they should consider phenibut or baclofen if they have the problem these agents will prevent nocturnal penile tumescence. This will allow the brain to reboot, and whenever they are discontinued, you can wake up with an erection and it will no longer be associated with arousal.
It is a common misconception that abstinence makes a man more aroused and horny. The opposite is the case. The sexual organs decrease production of their secretions, and in turn, the brain is no longer as reactive to being frivolously aroused. I also can attest to this, and say that after prolonged abstinence, sex isn't even on the mind and should stimuli cross the eyes, it can be more readily dismissed, and arousal averted entirely than were I masturbating daily.
https://www.eusupplements.europeanurology.com/article/S1569-9056(17)31159-4/pdf
Arousal isn't harmless either. It induces a state of hypofrontality so that you are distracted, to further the evolutionary goal of what it thinks is procreation without as much debate. It causes measurable deficits in working memory. This can put an end to creative, productive, lofty, states of mind in less than an instant and must be opposed.

>>12156608
do you want to be a monk for life or have a family? do you have a gf currently? I agree with all of what you wrote except it should be natural when you study and are young, to transmute that energy and not engage until you are married. However, if you are a degenerate like I am, with real sex, porn, and other perversions, suddenly stopping is extremely challenging. I read that meditation could be helpful, I will try it on my next streak

also Im into unjaculation, you heard of it? its edging to your imagination, and doing a kegel clench when youre about to explode, and with breathing technique and visualisation, bringing the orgasmic energy up to your brain instead of out of your cock. You should try it, its a nice middle way without losing semen and energy, and actually empowering you because it gives you control

>>12156457
such as?

>>12156686
pure bliss for one thing

you know the aura that super sayian goku has? that as well

too long to write in a single post. happiness, power, grounded, feeling of purpose, peace, very sexual, women would stare at me and even randomly come to me and give me their numbers, initiate conversations on the street, tell me IM pretty. Would absolutely nail everything I did, felt love for others, forgiveness for myself. Lust for life. People would treat me like Im the only man on earth, the man, the god. Respect, lust, love, just love. All of that chakra shit, dragon energy, its real. Could read peoples minds, had clear visions of the past that I already forgotten, from 15 years ago. Felt absolutely unfuckable, untrickable, eternal, immortal. Could see the future. Strong intuition. Feeling of being big, of dominating the entire area you walk into. Women would literally turn their heads like in the exorcist and stare at me like they never seen a men before in their life. They are desperate to suck the cum out of my cock

one day I would sit in front of a coffee shop enjoying a pastry and I swear like in the fucking snow white, those birds all sit in front of me like enchanted by my presence, others noticed and loudly explaimed they never seen they do that

all other animals were drawn to me, dogs, insects

I felt I have a mental connection with everyone I met in my life. Would telepathically engage with people in other countries. My mom sang a song and was happier then she's ever been, and she didnt know that I didnt jerk it for 50 days

What am I supposed to do with my time? How am I supposed to derive satisfaction from anything when invariably it will amount to nothing? Nothing I have ever done has made me satisfied, no achievement, no grade, no promotion. None of it ever means anything to me. I used to attempt to find satisfaction by making my father proud, but upon realising that he will never be anything but bored to hear me speak of my life I gave up.

I could commit myself to anything, but why? I will never know the totality of anything, I will always be relying on others and guesswork to believe or value anything. I want to work hard, I want to find something that makes me satisfied, not even happy, happiness is unachieveable. I understand that in order to derive satisfaction from something you must put the initial work in, then satisfaction follows as you become more skilled at your chosen pursuit. But how do I choose? How do I know that something is worthy of pursuit? I cannot commit to something out of hope and hope alone. The pursuits I know will make me a "success," at least in the eyes of my family, all make me want to end my life. To slave away and compete alongside people who should be allies not opponents, to spend every day repeating the same tasks in the hope I do it effiecently enough to get a higher position...

The most horrible part? I know there is no answer to this question, my father didn't have answers, my friends don't, there is no answer in the word of God or the writings of man. The only answer to my questions are the answers I choose. Only I can decide what is worthwhile, what is best for me, and yet I am paralysed. A deer in the headlights, aware of it's impending death but unable to move. Frozen. Complacent. It's approaching faster. Soon the day will come where I can no longer spend my days whining like a child and will be forced to make a hard choice, and commit to it. I pray I make the right one, or I will make the only decision I know will always be available to me.

>>12156720
like I was alive for the first time in my entire life, like I woke up from a coma. I know it sounds like bullshit you dont have to believe me. Anyway porn is evil and sexuality is the only thing you need to understand in this life. Thats all Im saying. Theres various forms of it each with their effects and causes. I strongly recomend you experiment with yourself to know how your work and how life works in general

>>12156608
you're an inspiration anon. I don't think my views are as extreme as yours but I do want sexual urges to have less control over my life

>>12156720
that's interesting. i did a 16 days semen retention and got so absurdly horny i fucked a literal whore. does it gets better after some time?

>>12156750
imo with SR you get the first level up after 1 week, and the second major jump is after 30 days, and third one is after 90 days but I havent gotten to that point yet. look up hinduism and the formation of ojas, this is spiritual currency you accumulate while practicing brachmacharya. I know its very hard I fucked a literal whore as well

>>12150689
what would you do if while checking the brake line you saw me on the back of a grainer porch?would you let me ride in a cozy unit?

>>12156644
>unjaculation
The main penalty is from the neurological and endocrinal changes that accompany sexual activity, rather than the loss of semen. "Unejaculation" is placebo. The prolactin rebound still occurs.
Even if the loss of seminal fluid was responsible, you are not retaining with an "unejacuation", it is not reabsorbed. The retrograde ejaculation makes its way into the bladder, which is inhospitable for the otherwise slow process of internal secretion that would have occurred if this wasn't done; now instead, most of it is excreted in the next pass of urine. The vesicles, vas deferens, have unique epithelium which are suited to recycle seminal fluid and sperm respectively to go on to serve internal functions. When retrograde ejaculation occurs, it is intermixed with other constituents of semen (cowper's, prostatic fluid, etc) and settles in the bladder, and becomes coagulated (which can obstruct it and cause urinary obstruction and from that possibly infection). It's entirely useless in such a state, the bladder isn't equipped to reuse it.

>do you want to be a monk for life or have a family?
I want to be productive, motivated, and maximize the amount of joy felt (from work, and life in general rather than the momentary bits of base and simple pleasures) which requires chastity. I like the idea of a wife and a family while remaining mostly chaste but it's almost impossible with a woman around, and even finding a woman willing to practice chastity, abstinence for me or any man would be difficult simply because of our biological reality. Alas, I've come to accept 'aut liberi, aut libri' as reality and have renounced any fleshly pursuits, even wives. I've had girlfriends and attenuating the allure of indulging simply was not feasible; and indulging left me empty and a shell of myself. I fear mediocrity more than I fear being alone, lacking progeny.

>>12156852
ur wrong friend, injaculation and retrograde ejaculation are two different things. read mantak chia-taoist secrets of love

if you do it right, semen doesnt go into the bladder, but is reabsorbed

>>12156852
do you do any physical activity? I cant even sit down for long when I abstain, I feel the need to move, run, kill or fuck

>>12156852
what do you do for a living? how do you live? do you have contact with women and are you currently 100% chaste?

I dont think its good for mental health to completely renounce the opposite sex, but what you wrote is also true. This is why I hope to have a wive one day and engage in sex but without orgasm, or full body orgasm if I can manage

>>12156876
Run in the mornings.

Question for any christfriends: I'm clueless about Christianity and want to read the new testament, what's the best version and should I read the books in the given order or a different one?

>>12157241
Non meme answer for comprehension: NRSV
meme answer for athiest literature enthusiasts: KJV

Im 22 and I want a wife so bad. The pool of available girls I know and would date is rapidly diminishing and I'm going to graduate in the spring and begin my hermit life and boring job. I'm trying to accept that God's will for my life might not be what I had planned, but it's so friggin hard. I almost suspect God is trying to teach me something, but I'm not sure he operates like that.

How do I get over a girl? There's a girl who I've had classes with for 3 years. Despite ample opportunity I never talked to her outside of a few occasions. I've had a crush on her for the last 2 years now. We come from similar backgrounds, are both intelligent and have similar hobbies, but we have nothing else in common. She is attractive and extremely outgoing and popular, while I am decent looking but fairly quiet and don't have much of a social life. I still feel that if we were alone we would get along great as long as none of her obnoxious friends are there. How do I overcome this and get over her?

>>12157498
lmao why do people find this so difficult, just ask her out. Do it front of her friends, who gives a fuck. Only way to get your answer. She says yes? Great. She says no? Great. Win win situation

>>12157592
Then I'm still in class with her. She'd probably laugh and we have probably a dozen friends in common. Ive never seen anyone ask someone else out in person desu. Usually people become friends first and progressively ramp things up

>>12157668
>Then I'm still in class with her. She'd probably laugh and we have probably a dozen friends in common.

This mentality is exactly why you aren't attractive(I'm projecting but for real bro get over it). Why are you ashamed of your sexuality? Why do you assume others will find it shameful? Would you make fun of somebody for doing such a thing? And if you did, how would you feel if it means absolutely nothing to them? You are in an environment that goes by like nothing. You won't remember shit except what you did in your life that truly put your self out there, no matter the consequences. Grab your fucking balls and take what you want in life, nobody will hand it to you. I can guarantee you 100% if you are respectable and confidence nobody will feel anything but admiration from other guys, anger from her orbiters and attraction from other girls


>Ive never seen anyone ask someone else out in person desu. Usually people become friends first and progressively ramp things up
Then be the first person. Do whatever the fuck you want. You make these rules, nobody else

>>12157287
You're only 22. Stop making grand predictions of your future life. What you seek isn't that difficult to find, however do not believe acquiring this will do anything but relive only one of your unlimited needs and desires

>>12157668
Imagine a man you deeply respect. Put him in your position. Would he act like You? Would he fret and worry about the opinions of female acquaintances? They are women, they are going to laugh and talk about everything, it means nothing. It's like being anxious about playing an instrument in front of a bunch of 5 year olds. You can be a genius and they'll still laugh and act like children. Stop being surprised and fearful of feminine characteristics and social ques. You aren't a woman

I'm annoying myself. I've been thinking about how clothes are made and that and thinking, "wow, I could do this myself or my mom could since she likes to sew." At the same time, though, I feel like there's a bit of a stigma against homemade stuff. However, at the same same time, I don't really see a point in paying high prices for something made by a little kid in a sweatshop that I don't even approve of. I'm really looking at my consumption habits here and disapproving even though I don't buy that much stuff.

>>12157840
>Sigma against homemade
Not really, nowdays it's probably the opposite. The only thing that matters is how well done it is. I've been thinking of getting into sewing because I want to make my own clothes. I'm not really into fashion but it'll be cool to design whatever I want

>>12157859

I could swear everyone is into fast fashion and paying top dollar for basic clothing. I have large shoulders and finding shirts that fit is a nightmare. Plus, I want it to be 100% wool or cotton, you know? I'm very particular about fabric that touches my body. I figure why not just make it myself? It's a good skill to have. My mom loves to sew so I could enlist her help.

I just need to stop settling for convenience too. Take getting take-out. I know it's shit. It's loaded with garbage and market tested to make your brain go, "I want this" and it's damn effective. I enjoy cooking. Really enjoy it. Sometimes though my brain says, "despite the fact that you can make this pizza at home with way better ingredients and superior taste for a fraction of the cost without breaking out in hives (due to a onions allergy and onions is in everything, annoyingly) let's go to [pizza chain]"

Fucking why. I have a lot on my mind tonight.

>>12151440
That a good job?

>>12158026

I'm a Christian Palestinian born in California. I feel like the most isolated person in the world. Don't have a home country, and if I did I would still be unwanted. Can't relate to 99% of Arabs and Palestinians living in America because they are muslim. Athiest arabs are even worse. America as a whole, and California as a state give no real sense of belonging or identity. There is no minority culture I could relate to in america like blacks, mexicans, and asians. I dont even have an ethnic group to protect me if I end up in prison. If my family disappeared I would probably forget my name

>>12158026

>>12158602
Didn't mean to reply to you