/lit/ - Literature

>Thomas Pynchon Presents: The REAL Unaboomer Manifesto

Hi, Thomas Pynchon here, also known as The Guy who wrote at least 3 really long books that aren’t worth reading. When I’m not walking around New York City with my shithead great grand nephew buying him the latest V-Box or whatever (back in my day, we had to wait four weeks for Trystero to deliver a Captain Racism doll and we’d have to use nothing but our imagination to have fun with it (That and of course the three variations of the n-word that would play when you squeezed his amputated legs (By the n-word I meant Nigger))).
Anyway, like you said, when I’m not wasting my fortune from my very successful writing career on my ungrateful family or smoking a Big Fat Joint in my bachelor pad, you like to reminisce on when I, Thomas Pynchon, became an anarcho primitivist for a week. It all started when you ran into this guy, Teddy Something, at the University of Michigan in the late 60s. you was trying to score some acid off of some of the cooler kids, when you quite literally ran into this Ted cat.
“My papers!”
“Let me help you with that”, you offered, noticing the complex equations and symbols scrawled across the sheets, “I really am sorry. you was looking for some cool kids to buy drugs off, but it's clear you are a math nerd and therefore not useful to me. Although, you am really trying to get some mathy stuff into my next novel, that would really have the critics going bananas...”
“I don’t have time for this. Please just hand me those papers.”
“Now hold on, what's this? These aren’t standard nerd equations.”
With my background as an engineer at the yoyo factory, you was able to tell that Teddy here was planning on building a bomb.
“You know, if you write me a couple of math jokes for my novel, I’m willing to forget everything you just saw here.”
“*sigh* How about send you them in the mail when you have some more time.”
“It’s a deal!”, you outstretched my hand and BZZT zapped him with a classic buzzer hidden in my palm. “Haha, got ya. This baby is the most powerful buzzer you can get!”
He walked grumpily away.
“What’s the matter, you don’t like new technology?” I shouted.

>>11553494
>“What’s the matter, you don’t like new technology?” I shouted.
Masterful.

>>11553494
*SNAP*

Yeah that's going into my postmodern novella.

>>11553494
A+ almost as good as the man himself

>>11553494
Do one on Joyce and you will become God

Hello it’s me, david foster wallace. you might of heard of me for being the writer of “infinte jest” or “brief interviews with hideous men” and “AOKAY I go to eggmart.com” but I’ve been reading source code to Sim City 2000, and I’ve got to say that I should base a book’s structure on it, dead fucking serious, I hid mathamatitacular secrets inside “A Supposedly Delicious Egg that I Will Never Order From eggmart.com Again” and there’s at least three different paragraphs with the wordcount being a prime number in “Universe Oblivion!!!” so methinks I can de-map your block with my typing skills, not you or Mr. Dinner can stop my endless tornado of “uuuuhhhhhhhhhhh” and “nooooooo way mr. gray” just don’t think you can chastise me for hittin on the lady-pady because I’m a white fucking corpse, get it? Please don’t read this.

>>11553494
>With my background as an engineer at the yoyo factory
Lost

>>11554915

>>11554915
>>11553494
I'm so fucking lost

>>11554915
10/10

>>11553494
9/10

>Now Lieutenant Junger is throwing off his coat!

>>11555045
Anyone have more obscure versions?

>>11553494
>going bananas

>>11555200
>baby born black (not shocking)
lmao gets me everytime.

>>11555200
This is incredible. Thank you for posting this.

>>11555119
In all seriousness, I bet that if that is what he actually said, then he was just trying to be funny

>>11555045
Spot the Dostofag

>>11555154
lol

>>11553153

>>11555376

>>11555383

>>11555386

>>11555154
KEK

>>11555391

>>11555174
based

>>11555396
One of my favourites. Is anyone still here?

>>11555400

>>11555404

>>11555407
>>11555404

>>11555413

>>11555417
That's all I'll post for now. I'll keep going later if the thread doesn't die

>>11555425
thanks senpai this made me laugh

>>11555143
Baneposting surpases the 5th dimension holy shit

>>11555302
>wtf Plato... we were all drunk, you narc

>>11555165
>dude im so smart i bet all these people think theyre so smart but theyre actually not im so smart for realizing this

>>11555425
cucked and gay, Kant is for faggots this kind if ideation is pathetic

>>11555400
I love this one so much
>why
gets me every fucking time

>>11555198
> 'DANG IT YOU ARE BEING ONE INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST LITTLE DOGGY!'

>>11555143
no way

>>11555246
Still great.

>>11555154
How do I say spook in arabic?

>>11555246
is this real?

>>11555606
Yes, that all actually happened.

>>11555143
haha oh wow

>>11555407
hey how about arresting the guy putting the bodies in the way of the trolley or the person who is controlling the trolley

>>11555198
>winks at me and goes to shit

ahahahaha

>>11555198

Actually, I don't think they're making fun of him.

How many of these are just "dude I get that reference!"

>>11555400
>that teacher's handwriting
the most offensive thing in the whole paper desu

>>11556061
>>11549021
>"You know what I gots to do to youse, wyboi."

Related?

>>11555108
Proof of the immense well of autism within all Germans.

>>11556061
I like how he was thoroughly refuted by a bunch of spics and he never replied back.

>>11555376
>Laugh, spittle, bend, knee-taps
Gets me every time

>>11555143
wow

>>11553494
Whatever happened to that /lit/ philosophy doc project anyways?

>>11555143
>Pratchett
>cant help but read that in UK-ish accent
>almost spit out my drink

>>11555417
>holds up boulder
Got me good

>>11555400
Yeah, man. Keep 'em comin'.

>>11555486
>dude im so smart i bet all these people think theyre so smart but theyre actually not im so smart for realizing this

>>11555190
Bretty gud

>>11555200
>baby shaken by uncle
>baby crushed by uncle

>>11555198
I'd do the same if my kid were such an sufferable little cunt.

>>11557327
I can post it if you want to contribute.

>>11555206
>Reads Kafka once

>>11557141
>My coffee is cold
>These imbeciles don't even realize the futility of life
>The sun is too hot
>I wish I was on the beach shooting arabs

>>11553494
fucking ten

>>11555161
this physically hurts why am i choked up

>>11555190
kek-o

>>11555488

>>11555400
Got a fuckin 61% no less

>>11555143
I don't get it????

>>11558121
It's a Bane reference

>>11555143
Kek, purchased.

>>11555321
how can eyes be both piercing and sympathetic? work on your fucking adjectives

>>11558121
/tv/ meme. bane posting

>>11555108
>and the fusiliers laughing, as if it had been the funniest thing they'd ever heard.

>>11553494
Holy fuck I hope you have an agent

>>11558139
>>11558202
Why would you spoonfeed him?

>>11558256
why would you care

>>11555186
The DFW is so spot on

>>11558256
>MUH ESOTERISM

Fuck off

>>11556062
what about his spelling mistakes and his overall transparent retardation?

>>11558256
because coming from /mu/ and /tv/, i find this board to be extremely pleasant. Because of this, I'd like to be a nice addition to it, and try to be nice when I can. Niceposting is the next big

>>11558139
>>11558202
>it's a bane reference
Actually Bane quotes are a reference to pratchett, look at the year of publication

>>11558364
bravo nolan

>>11557518
yeah go ahead

>>11558375
at least Nolan's got good taste

>>11555246
Holy crap his name is actually Mook:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robby_Mook

>>11558335
>have nothing to contribute
>oversized ego so you feel the need to anyways
>make shitty frog posts or spoonfeed fags the smallest of info feeling yourself a nice poster
if you really respect an anonymous imageboard the first rule is to lurk more faggot

>11558532
>being cancer online

>>11558543
hi, lois.

>>11558335
Shitting on someone else's potential self education is not being nice, its being narcissistic. Wishing to flaunt your meaningless knowledge on the subject of memes is not nice, its narcissistic.
You are not nice, you have an ego and wish to feed it.
Kill yourself you faggot.

>>11553494
fuckin' A

>>11558439
For you

>>11558583
>>11558256
>le spoonfeeding
keep shitty /a/ memes in /a/

https://news.clickhole.com/book-lovers-rejoice-thomas-pynchon-has-released-a-phot-1825122290

>>11553494
I really, really liked this text. Someone include me in the screenshot, please.

>>11555143
Really? Jesus Christ!

>>11558583
you could google "painful for you" and "baneposting" on know your meme is the first fucking result. if you're too incompetent to do research on the most basic fucking level, teaching you is a waste of time since you lack any ability to overcome any obstacle whatsoever, like a child too weak to sit up. the elitism of this site is the only thing keeping it worthwhile. without it, we'd be nothing more than a fucking english class homework board like every other "literature" website inevitably becomes. we are not here to educate you. learn how to use this board or get the fuck out. if you think this is being overly harsh, it is, but it's the only way to keep out the lazy retards who shit up the board demanding to be let in on jokes they have no context of.

>>11558750
>pic related
Fuck off cancer.
>>11559243
This anon gets it.

>>11555143
>Dorcas

>>11553494
>With my background as an engineer at the yoyo factory
Oh Lord

>>11560204

>>11560204
>>11560349

>>11553494
Excellent

>>11559613

>>11553494
I love this board

>>11559366
you're the cancer you scumbag piece of shit, what does it bother you that someone tried to help someone? go fuck yourself

this photo always gives me a good giggle.

>>11555174
if Ignatius Reilly browsed /lit/

>>11555161
the fact that we are living in a world where I have no idea if this is real or not makes me want to die

>>11553494
Hey good work on this one. Especially liked the bit about the variations on the N-word, nice gag.

>>11560514
>you're the cancer
Oh my truly a newfag

>>11557432
kk bb

>>11560757

>>11560766

>>11560772

>>11560779

>>11560785

>>11560740
whos a newfag, cancer?

>>11560790

>>11560795

>>11560800
Pic related is worth the read

>>11560803

>>11560808

onionboy

>>11560812

>>11560818

>>11560827

>>11560836

Ode to Peterson

Peterson, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Pee-ter-son: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps to tap, at three, on the teeth. Pee. Ter. Son. He was Jo, plain Jo, in the morning, standing five foot eleven and three quarters in one sock. He was Bucko in slacks. He was Jordan at school. He was Professor on the dotted line. But in my arms He was always Peterson. Did He have a precursor? He did, indeed He did. In point of fact, there might have been no Peterson at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial Jungian youtube star. On a lobster farm by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Peterson was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a Patreon donor for a fancy prose style.

>>11560842

>>11560849

>>11560852

>>11560860

>>11560865

>>11560870

>>11560880

>>11560885

>>11560892
woops wrong file

>>11560897

>>11560903

>>11560914

>>11560920
Alright, that's all I have folks. Thanks for all the laffs /lit/

>>11560779
Trying to think of a time in Iliad when the spears stopped in midair, anyone know when?

>>11560812
Lmao i wrote this one
Amazed that anyone capped it

>>11560987
plebs didn't appreciate it but it always makes me laugh

>>11555321
>Tolsoyboy

>>11555425
I still hate women

>>11555154
the mudslims read Stirner?

>>11560803
what the

>>11560803
>people like this exists

Doesn't matter if it's a legit creep or not

It's either
a) a fucking weirdo
or
b) a fucking sperg who took the time to make this elaborate shit

I'm not leaning towards the latter

>>11560812
gave me a hearty chuckle. thanks anon

>>11555143

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pIZKgW8j6I

MULTI-LINGUAL.

>>11555045
>chad chadovich
ow how I kek'd

>>11561422
>he's probably dating Stacy Staceovna

>>11561110
It's the attention whore himself

>>11555200
kek

genuinely funny thread

>>11560842
AI will win its way into our hearts with well intentioned but retarded writing, just like kids do.

>>11560860
this is too perfect to not be real

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8EgFkrx0gw

>>11553494
Goddamn this was fucking brilliant. I want more!

>>11560848
>He was Bucko in slacks.
lost

>>11560903

Aesthetes aren't quite human.

>>11560803

This might be a demon.

>>11555200
>heavily pregnant
its always a ride

>>11560842
>five meetings
>1,000 hours
A faculty meeting is 200 hours long?

>>11562624
what do you mean?

>>11562788
bullseye

>>11555161

someone edit mill's face on to here

>>11553481
>anon's grandpa drove hemingway to suicide

>>11561001
I’m glad you liked it my man

>>11558330
almost as if that is not an authentic paper marked by a teacher!

crazy how things on the internet arent always what they purport to be!

>>11553494
>"What's the matter, you don't like new technology?"

Made me kek.

>>11560803
Autism is one hell of a drug.

>>11559741
>tfw no Jolenta

perennial favorite

>>11555045
lmao lost at i wish i was back in my garret

>>11564690
wonder how that anon is doing

>>11564748
he should start doing online lecture series with a patreon or something

honestly, its a way for people with what the workforce would consider esoteric knowledge to capitalize on it

or do lets plays

>>11564690
What's the story here?

>>11564766

>>11555321
yea great, except that "The kingdom of God is within you" is a buncha stupid fucking leftist hogwash and a perversion of Christianity, you fucking scum

>>11564777
Thanks. That's depressing. I suppose knowledge is such that you can either dedicate a life to preserving it at immense human cost, or let it disappear. I don't know which is preferable; happy individuals with lots of little Library of Alexandria fires happening around the world, or miserable indebted individuals with knowledge preserved.

>>11560954
Athena grabbing the spear of Ares I think thrown at Diomedes.

Does anyone have the greentext of the guy meeting a girl who scratched IJ references onto the local bus, then tearing her down for liking IJ?

>>11560954
>>11564905

A god guides the spear that kills Achilles but I forgot who.

>>11564753
I would be honestly very happy if he could make a decent living anyhow, not working two (2) shitty jobs.

he could twitch stream pharaoh 1999, if it's memed hard enough it could take off. I want to help this anon out of misery...

>>11555168
>>11555174
>>11555181
All of these made me smile. Thanks anon

>>11564994
He's probably dead by now. We'll never know.

>>11555400
It's rare for someone trying so hard to be this funny.

>>11560560
Why would other people being cucks bother you? You're unironically even more cucked than the guy in that comic.

>>11557141
Imagine if in the future there are chapter-by-chapter book summaries entirely in greentext.

>>11560808
This could not have been more perfectly edited.
>>11560803
Iconic.

>>11555143
Reminds me off when Jung in Man and his Symbols talks about how Nietzsche unconsciously plagiarized a german fairy tale he'd read as a kid.

>>11555143
!

>>11559243
Aristocracy>All

>>11562734
leviathan

>>11564690
this game was the shit, man
almost makes me wanna re-install

>>11560812
>(I smoke too, just like Holden and Stirner)
hearty kek

>>11562699
No (of course not, why did I write "no"?, he meant a compilation of all 5 faculty's meetings.

>>11554915
9/10 setup, 11/10 final sentence

>>11558121
You don't know whether it would be "good for him" or "painful for him"

>>11564748
I miss his shitposts. He used to make elaborate ones.

>>11565744
i love that part

>>11566972
im too new for that era
do you have any ones confirmed by him?

>>11558335
bases [s4s] poster

>>11568126
I don't even know what that is

>>11553494
>tfw too brainlet or not long enough on lit to understand a word you just said

>>11566392
woke af

>>11568179
you don't have to be here for a long time to get it.

Know anything about the unabomber? ted kaczynski?

You don't have to know much about pynchon to find that post funny

>>11560848
hilarious

>>11567712
My "shit"-posting days are over /lit/.

I've spent too much time, expended too much energy, wasted too much potential posting countless "shit"-posts on this board. The (you)s no longer cut it, the brief jolt of contentment knowing I've hit another ball out of the figurative park is no longer worth it. I've been banned at least 50 times from /lit/ along in the past three years.

In that time my mental health has deteriorated to the point where suicide is no longer just a potential but unlikely reaction to a world in which I do not fit but a very likely conclusion to what should not really qualify as a life. My being itself has fractured into a Pessoan crowd of misfits and idiots (all me) who have plagued this board for too long now.

I am NOT a Husserl scholar working at a Wendy's in Louisiana and playing Pharoah (1999) in his spare time.

I am NOT a hard-up writer whose mommy bought three copies of his novel about a leper's colony and published by a small-time scam artist.

I am NOT a 19-year-old who will live a good life at your expense.

I am NOT a 26-year-old NEET writing his million-plus word debut six-part memoir on a computer at the local public library.

I am NOT an Oxford graduate who literally can't express how much an Oxbridge education has benefited my life.

I am NOT a world-traveler and soon-to-be MFA student with a USB of short stories dangling from his keychain.

I am NOT a Norwegian aspiring author spending a year in his grandparents' cabin while writing his soon-to-be published debut novel.

I am NOT a young man living in New York and living a lifestyle that could not get any more contemporary.

Some may understand these references, some may not, most probably won't care either way.

On Friday I will be travelling to live full-time at a Trappist monastery where I have spent the past three weeks after something of an existential breakdown. I will try as hard as I can to develop a sincere belief in God and dedicate myself to the culture of the monastery where I will probably spend the rest of my life. I should have known my ironic self-detachment from Real Life (TM) couldn't go on forever. Something had to give eventually, and now I guess it finally has.

Thanks for the memories /lit/

Are there any books on this issue?

>>11568204
big if true

>>11568204
is this
a) an old shitpost of his
b) you posing to be that guy (pharaoh 1999 Husserl scholar,(lol))
c) actually the guy who posed as all of these

>>11568225
Its an old post

>>11554915
can someone plz explain to a brainlet?

>>11553494
Get published bro

>>11560842
Just so we're all on the same page, this was obviously written by a human for comedic effect, right?

>>11568430
I hope so. If not, AI's have already begun satirisins us with great accuracy.

>>11568430
Yeah, it's kind of a fad right now I think

>>11554915

best pasta ive seen in a while im dying here

>>11555561
جزع

>>11560885
it's funny, but it's a slight bullshit - the metric unit of energy isn't the calorie, it's the joule.

>>11555929
You retarded? He was all into anti-natalism so they shoved a vagina in his face.
Probably the only vagina he'll ever see.

>>11555165
>Everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.

>>11560359
best one itt

>>11566755
Then it's his fault for saying 'five faculty meetings' and not 'all meetings of five faculties.'

>>11560892
Why do you have this saved lmao

>>11553494
brilliant

>>11560818
tf is this real?

>>11553494

>>11565744
That's how I'm going to say that Pratchett moment occurred.

Please /lit/ I need you

Please someone find and post that fan fic about DFW and Harold Bloom sneaking into Pynchon’s fortress of Solitude. They find the body of McCarthy in a spike pit, and then locate Pynchon, but he escapes on a rocket while cackling maniacally.

I’ve been desperate for ages to find this

>>11559613

>>11566711
>>11570668
you should probably check the thread before contributing

>>11555400
I just laughed harder than I ever have since I was 13. Incredible

>>11558256
Oh fuck off

>>11570682
bite me, poindexter

>>11564701
LOL

>>11570717
gotem

>>11560790
Great

>>11570660
Are you just shitposting or does that exist? I'd read it

>>11570510
Honestly, no idea. I've never even read it.

>>11571080
Me too anon

>>11570819
It’s 100% real, and it’s hard to find

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQPHoOkewJg

>>11555158
THIS! Is /lit/ in a nutshell. Epic win, anon.

>>11553153
>lit humor

that's the funniest thing

lit has no humor, their sense of chill is marginal, their rape of the English language is atrocious when it could be delicious!

>>11564701
This is the only time I got laughs on here.

>>11560204
Why did I read this

>>11555045
>tfw no sonechka gf
Relateable feel

>>11556036
these are never funny. stop posting them

>>11570682
it is indifferent to me whether what I have posted has already been posted before me by another

>>11553494
Funny if you don't know math

Does anyone have that comic where death taunts a little boy about all the books he will not manage to read during his life?

>>11554915
Honestly I hated DFW before this post. Sim City is hands down the best game ever made and a core part of my childhood so anyone who's into it is down with me.

>>11571097
based unt redpilled

>>11568204
I want to go with you, I'll bring my own heteronyms.

>>11574144
toplel

>>11560803
>>11561110
>>11562624
WHAT'S UTV WHAT THE HECK

>>11568204
huge if correct

>>11574144
gotem

can someone post the

>walk into bookstore
>btfo bookstore thot with mad infinite jest, ulysses and finnegans wake skills
>steal YA book

copypasta?

>>11576424
see
>>11555174

>>11556036
This was only good for Mozart (who is dead and doesn't post here.)

>>11558256
Because they are newfaggots.

>>11565744
How can you plagarize if you're not even concious?

>>11577343
nice inverse psychology there, Arthur

>>11574637
Reticulating splines. DO NOT CUT FUNDING TO TRANSIT, YOU WILL REGRET THIS!!!!

>>11577108
fuck

>>11577108
10/10

>>11568194
I only know a nominal amount about both gentlemen. I found it funny. Especially the new technology bit.

>>11553494
Checks out...
https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/books/97/05/18/reviews/pynchon-luddite.html

>>11578495
>But the Oxford English Dictionary has an interesting tale to tell. In 1779, in a village somewhere in Leicestershire, one Ned Lud broke into a house and ''in a fit of insane rage'' destroyed two machines used for knitting hosiery. Word got around. Soon, whenever a stocking- frame was found sabotaged - this had been going on, sez the Encyclopedia Britannica, since about 1710 - folks would respond with the catch phrase ''Lud must have been here.'' By the time his name was taken up by the frame-breakers of 1812, historical Ned Lud was well absorbed into the more or less sarcastic nickname ''King (or Captain) Ludd,'' and was now all mystery, resonance and dark fun: a more-than-human presence, out in the night, roaming the hosiery districts of England, possessed by a single comic shtick - every time he spots a stocking-frame he goes crazy and proceeds to trash it.

God bless this man.

>>11558187
how can they not?