/lit/ - Literature

>>10507855
It's toxic masculinity to not steal someone else's food? Damn, made me think

>>10507855
More:

>Paul takes a two-month paternity leave. He becomes a loving, caring father, and his son Baxter grows up unscarred by his parents. At the age of twenty-seven, Baxter begins performing standup comedy but realizes that he doesn’t have enough angst and fails at it.

-------

>Jessica begins speaking, and no one speaks over her. She didn’t actually have an ending to her presentation prepared, because she expected to be interrupted. She is mortified.

----------

>Christine wears a skirt. No one stares at her legs. She worries that she no longer has good legs, so she blows three hundred dollars on an Equinox membership.


--------

>Members of the all-female upper management of a company never think to talk about sex in the workplace. As a result, they forget that sex exists and uniformly fail to perpetuate the human race. This is a global phenomenon that accelerates the demise of our species.


Damn...really makes you think....

>>10507855
wait, was she confused because everything she believed about men in the workplace was utter bullshit? also, does that mean the position of interviewer is strictly held by males? wouldn't that imply only they can be conventionally trusted as interviewers?

>>10507865
the only thing i hate about toxic masculinity is feminine passive aggression.

>>10507855
These little stories seem to be based on common complaints rather than reality or experience.

>>10507855
Based Neechee girl

>>10507882
well, it IS the new yorker, have you seen their comics?

>the New Yorker

>>10507855
This piece is called "Examples of Toxic Femininity in the Workplace." It's examples of women being TOO nice, TOO diligent, TOO industrious, TOO cooperative, TOO respectful, and so on. Of course, there's supposedly nothing wrong with this, so the author adds bizarre failures at the end to point out it is ridiculous to think there is such a thing as "toxic femininity" and that anyone is ever hurt by traditionally feminine qualities. The point, basically, is that women are SOOOO fucking great and feminine qualities are the best and nothing could go wrong if women ruled everything and look at me I have a cunt i have a vagina pay attention to me i have boobs and an ass because i am a woman and i have a vagina i have xx chromosomes btw im a girl btw please respect me! please appreciate me! btw did i mention i'm a girl? ugggggh stupid men!! so sexist and chauvinistic!!! omg, i'm sick of sexism, women are SOOOOO much better than men like seirously like --- oh - em - gee.

It really is enlightening that even the most autistic of male and female authors have a better grasp on reality than whoever wrote this

Protip the feminists aren't telling you to stop having sex. they want you to not have the 'i want sex' part of your brain firing any time you see a girl because it makes you into a retarded lecher. Go watch the movie apocalypto or whatever. You're supposed to be like the son of the tribes leader and engage in prosocial behavior then go have sex with your wife, not be some horny fucker who goes around your home trying to fuck every girl who talks to you and doesnt accomplish anything useful. Acting like that traps you into having a harder time even getting a relationship cause youre displaying retarded qualities instead of attractice ones

>>10508177
>Fembot

Why would we want to interact with the fairer sex unless it's for:

1. A wholesome relationship/ short term hedonistic pleasure (sex)
2. Personal financial/reputational gain.

We can suit our emotional/passion needs by talking to our groups of male friends. Why would females want to be friends with a person who will practically lust after you night and day until you tell them to fuck off? They aren't being your friends to be your emotional tampon, they want that pussi pussi.

>>10507865
Wouldn't that last one be a net positive

>>10507855
If people only knew how bad women truly are. How many times have I seen pedophilic images in my work in which a woman, seemingly the child's mother, is assisting in its abuse. Women are horrific creatures, crushing infants, smashing their skulls when they won't quiet down, tossing them into dumpsters, raping them with hair curlers, etc.
What utter trash this world is on the backs of women and men side by side.

>>10508388
The point is that you are in part of a social group where youre expected to interact with women in different contexts than fucking them, and failing to adapt and to thrive in that environment is just hurting yourself.

>>10507865
>Christine is worried because her skirt is no longer garnering attention, positive or negative. She responds, not by using the reduced distractions of such attention to be more productive in her job, opting instead to get a needlessly expensive gym membership as a means of maintining/improving her superficiality.

Great work, Christine

It's another women are great and men are awful story. . .

Why do you guys still support these Jews? This board is too far gone.

>>10508065

I'm beginning to think that this board is full of women.

In brutal honesty, giving women equal rights was a huge miscalculation. There are liberties and there are simply masculine liberties that cannot suit a woman.
This is the truth. That doesn't mean women are useless. That doesn't mean it's "sexist." It's the truth.

I don't mind arguing this

>>10507855

>anon willfully clicks on a thread about satire from the New Yorker. Because the short pieces in it are artistically poor and narrowminded to the point of being infuriating, he cements his misogynistic outlook. He then masturbates to cuckold pornography, musing in between strokes how much better the world was in the fifities.

>>10508764
I disagree with your truth.

>>10508785
t. Leftypol

Eat any shit lately?

>>10507855
>>10507865
these are funny, is there something i missing beyond it being funny?

>>10508882
See:
>>10508065

>>10507861
>>10507870
>>10508065
not commenting on the article's message but you have to have a double digit iq to misunderstand this basic satire
the author is making fun of people who think treating women with equal respect (evaluating them fairly during an interview, not being interrupted, etc.) will have a negative outcome by providing ridiculous examples of such negative outcomes
again, not commenting on whether or not women are actually treated in such ways in workplaces. I'm commenting on the lack of intelligence one must require to make these posts

>>10508896
the stories are funny by themselves, but the title ruins them. they don't involve women as agents at all

These are funny but I don't get the joke

>Claire makes a youtube channel. Because she enjoys a refined taste in classical literature, strangers begin to harass her and pry into her relationship with her mother. The channel is deleted and she is never heard from again.

>>10508948
That doesn't fit in at all. I don't think you understood.

>>10508951
should be something like
>women does something neutral
>people react in a non-evil way to it
>this unexpected non-evil event turns bad for women

>>10508915
Pretty sure you have single digit IQ.

These are painful to read

>something something things are going great in the workplace

>people r flummoxed, wacky thing

This is shit comedy writing at its most formulaic. It's sad that the New Yorker would print this when there are so many other really funny female writers in the world. It's also sad because this girls comedy career is going to be tarnsihed by this shit writing. Go read her twitter if you want to feel sad.

>>10507855
The New Yorker is the most cucked liberal magazine on earth. I got one sent to my house by mistake and i started reading it while taking a shit. I literally tore it in fucking halfa nd threw it at my garbage can half way into the first article i read. The article was about how its good to cheat on your husband and how thats a reasonable way for couples therapy to work.

>>10507855
the author

>>10509207
looks like someone deflated amy schumer

>>10507855
>>10507865
These would all be a good starting point for a distopian short story

>>10507855
>Jane writes “do not eat” on her salad, and no one eats it.
not even jane?

>>10508764

>>10508177
>they want you to not have the 'i want sex' part of your brain firing any time you see a girl because it makes you into a retarded lecher.
Digits aside, this is intellectually dishonest. 3rd wave Feminists are generally very upset with the natural order altogether.

>Eve and Adam are chilling in the garden. Eve finds some yummy fruit and shares it with Adam, who is thankful for the nourishment and does not reproach her. Eve is pleased with this outcome but begins to enjoy these apples so much that she gains 30 pounds and develops tooth rot.

>>10508177
>Go watch the movie apocalypto or whatever. You're supposed to be like the son of the tribes leader and engage in prosocial behavior then go have sex with your wife
Listen to yourself. You're taking life lessons out of a Mel Gibson movie.

What about you stop telling men to be like you want them to be and instead do something so they don't do things you don't like, like for example not spending most of your waking life on looking like a doll.

>>10509962

Not really. Tumblr/twitter idiots are not "3rd wave feminists" and they do not represent feminism in any way. The fact that you don't know this is because you might be too socially awkward and insecure to interact with women with average IQ IRL, so your only knowledge about them are those stupid people.

>>10509999
Digits, good imitation

>>10509890
This one made the least sense

>>10507855
>Ann gets tired of her husband staying at the bar all day instead of helping her. Ann has friends who feel the same way about their husbands. Ann and her friends prohibit the sale of alcohol instead of standing up to their husbands causing gangs and violence to rise from their cowardice

Joggins the noggins

>>10509078
lol, getting cucked by a magazine while shitting

>>10507865
The one about jessica is pretty good desu

>>10510076
>and they do not represent feminism in any way.
except for controlling literally all of the media and meme "women degrees" universities, yes, except for all that authority that's given to them they don't represent anybody

>>10508764
I agree with your truth.

>>10508764
I never thought about the possibility that there were quite a few women on this board. unsettling. god damn you're some cruel bitches.

yuppie problems

>Hilda sees a picture of a dead child in the newspaper. This triggers her repressed maternal instincts, heretofore sublimated into caring for a small dog. She supports sheltering endangered children at someone else's expense; unfortunately, most such "children" actually in existence are either surplus adult males from backward, heavily polygynous cultures undergoing unprecedented population growth, or deserters and remnants of various barbarian armies. Soon, roving bands of Saracen marauders terrorize and rape her country's citizens with impunity.

>Meagan works in Marketing but likes to go to the wine bar with the girls from HR on occasion. She tells the girls that "Willy" recently crept up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder while she was working. He's so weird with his shirts and his cartoon girl figures on his desk, she felt so gross when he touched her! He asked some awkward question and then just stood there sweating before he walked off -- ugh! The girls agree she shouldn't have to feel grossed out like that at work (they tell her to use the word "hostile" when she talks to Mark). Mark sits her and Willy down in his big office with Julie from HR and asks a lot of questions in a low, steady voice that Meagan finds really sexy. Eventually Mark asks Willy to apologize; he stammers that he hasn't done anything wrong, and Mark gently asks her to leave. Willy is gone the next day. Wow, Mark was so in control the whole time...she says so at her next get-together and asks Julie what happened after she left, but Julie smugly says she can't talk about it. What a bitch!

>Katie joins the Army in order to prove her strength and determination to herself. She misses her first deployment after being impregnated by a generator mechanic while on reduced duty from a chronic foot injury that first appeared during Basic Training. She marries the soon-to-be father, but feels lonely and sleeps with an older sergeant while he's away. Her husband eventually finds out and spends the rest of the deployment in a field psychiatric unit after admitting to suicidal ideation, although she doesn't file for divorce until after he gets back for financial reasons. Katie is medically discharged as 50% disabled six months short of her contract.

>Wanda wants to find a good man, but for some reason she only ends up with the bad boys. Her mother warned her to stay away from no-good deadbeats like Wanda's father, although she had her first child by a man now serving two consecutive life sentences when she was seventeen. She hasn't been getting child support payments since her third babydaddy skipped town, but thinks if she works hard she just might make it work like her mother did. She recently made a false written statement to a larceny detective in order to provide an alibi for her oldest, a son, even though he had recently hit her and threatened her with a knife during an argument. Where did he learn to be like that?

>Susan is an unmarried, overweight 47-year-old government bureaucrat. She enjoys helping to integrate refugees at the local asylum centers. She especially enjoys it when these young refugees ejaculate inside her age-fallowed womb, a feeling she had not experienced since breaking up with Matt twelve years ago when she was promoted and transferred to the capital city. Susan is in favor of more migration and often makes impassioned speeches. She routinely reports complaints about both government policy and the behavior of migrants to corporate and governmental authorities.

>>10512787
these are fantastic. i applaud you.

>>10512787
Good shit.

I am so glad I don't have to interact with women at work, especially lazy, worthless, nepotistic affirmative action white collar bitches. They are hideous creatures existing only to infuriate me.

Why do you all get so easily triggered by poorly written satire?

>>10508915
We'll it failed at that then because this piece is not funny at all nor is it particularly clear what the author is attempting to satirize. It just reads like "thing happens that feminists don't believe happens often then weird shit follows" which isn't funny nor is it clever nor is it particularly insightful.

>>10512917
because we're insecure and lonely

>>10512917
honestly I just hate women, but I also love them

>>10512917
>Kelly commutes into the city because she doesn't particularly like living in crowded places. Because there only white people in the ethnostate, there are no crowds of stinking Pakistanis or obnoxious Negroes and her daily train ride is overall a pleasant experience. She and many others never buy a car; several auto dealerships close down.

>John is married and owns his own house. Unfortunately, since there aren't any black people in the ethnostate, he doesn't have to move out of the city when he has children to avoid them being beaten up by feral Negroes. When local real estate developer Chaim "Chase Redwood" Rosenbaum looks at buying land outside of the city for development, he's forced to build a power plant instead of a more profitable housing development.

>Chad flies for the Air Force in the ethnostate. The government spends trillions of dollars on a space program instead of wars to make the Middle East safe for Zionism, so instead of bombing Muslims Chad becomes the first man to walk on Mars. Many Africans feel angry that Chad doesn't look like them.

Now imagine the New Yorker published these instead of an anonymous cartoon discussion board.

>>10512926
Does this sum up the condition of the modern man?

>>10513155
>implying that sentiment is unique to modernity

Women have always been a meme.

>>10512787
consider i’m showering you in gold

>>10512917
bc normal people find the new yorker as some sort of vertiginous cultural zenith and this suffocates us

>Molly has dated Dick for 8 months. They are both 33. They meet in central park for a snack, like every other day. His roommate is not in town next Saturday so they’ll have sex at his apartment. He teases her about the impending act, she boomerangs herself eating spicy chips. Cycling on her way home, she admires the tendons on her neck, interpreting them as a sign of her new skinny condition after years of dieting rather than the occurrence of getting older. Her mom left dinner for her, she consumes some of it before going to her bedroom, puts her laptop on a chair next her single bed and rewatches the last episode of the newest hit tv series targeted at pre-teens, which she found a bit confusing. He sends her goodnight. They sleep tight.

>>10507855
Isn't this the girl that did that ATKHairy porn after getting socked in the face by some Richard Spencer look-alike?

>>10507855
>>10507865
Huh?

>>10513545
>she boomerangs herself eating spicy chips
what does this mean

>>10513582
no, that was nazi scalps girl. absolutely horrifying pics. OP's pic is canadian august who doesn't know how to pronounce nietzsche and involves herself in many questionable situations

>>10512787
>>Katie joins the Army in order to prove her strength and determination to herself. She misses her first deployment after being impregnated by a generator mechanic while on reduced duty from a chronic foot injury that first appeared during Basic Training. She marries the soon-to-be father, but feels lonely and sleeps with an older sergeant while he's away. Her husband eventually finds out and spends the rest of the deployment in a field psychiatric unit after admitting to suicidal ideation, although she doesn't file for divorce until after he gets back for financial reasons. Katie is medically discharged as 50% disabled six months short of her contract.

Holy shit where have you been stationed? This is not satire, this actually happens frequently.

>>10512787
THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT

>>10507855
>>10508065
I wonder who could be behind this...
>>10509207
kek

>>10512787
more please

>>10512794
>>10512816
>>10513510
>>10515105
>>10515208

>>>/r9k/

>>10508764
>I'm beginning to think that this board is full of women.
It would explain why the board is overflowing with idiotic nonsensical feelings that can't be conveyed very well to anyone else. OP included.

>>10508785
kek

>>10512273

Husbands form gangs which keep them even more away from their wives.

>>10515285
Fuck off, fag.

>>10507855
Are women a spook?

>>10507855
who is this semen demon?

>>10507855
>>10507865
These are funny. What's the need for butthurt?

>>10516821
yes
>>10516848
leftist i think

>>10516484

>>10516855
the stories are funny, the title is shit

>>10508915
You're a moron

>>10508065
>have xx chromosomes btw im a girl btw please respect me! please appreciate me! btw did i mention i'm a girl? ugggggh stupid men!! so sexist and chauvinistic!!! omg, i'm sick of sexism, women are SOOOOO much better than men like seirously like --- oh - em - gee

>>10507873
What about things like
https://twitter.com/jamielynncrofts/status/949067102987673600

Twitter search for #toxicmasculinity and you'll find a lot of women trying to act hyper masculine and comically aggressive.

I'm "don't matter" that replies to her. I've only made posts replying to people that use those hashtags

Women that talk about '#masculinitsofragile" that state on their profile how CONFIDENT and EMPOWERED they are. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad

>>10509042
The bar has always been lower for women. That crosses over to feminism.

>>10516848
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6htYi9x9GfM&t=252s

>>10515044
It’s an Instagram app that records a short looped gif.

>>10507855
>ant colony forms in cold fridge
Does this actually happen?

>>10507865
These all seem like negatives, so are they arguing toxic masculinity is good?

>>10508948
>>10508973
>Claire makes a youtube channel. Because she enjoys a refined taste in classical literature, strangers who are too nice fail to criticize her thoughts leading to intellectual stagnation.