/lit/ - Literature

The true blackpill
You try and try and fill the void, stoicism, Christianity, atheism, Buddhism, non-fiction, new sincerity, YA
You try and live and find meaning, you read Death of Ivan Ilyich and think "t-that'll happen to me, right?"
You try and pray but can't get over the fact that your faith isn't sincere and you're just scared and don't really mean it

In the end, you go back to the nothingness

Theres a girl in my group project for college. I like her but I don't know what to do. I find her attractive and we seem to get along well, but so what? Is there anything else? When our eyes meet and she smiles at me it feels good but is that enough? Do I have the warrant to ask her out just cause of those reasons?
I don't even know if I want a gf, or if I want her in particular as a gf. I hate the dating culture, because what she's presented me I like enough to be interested, but now what if I asked her on a date and then she isn't what I hoped when I get to know her more. I hardly really know her now.
Thursday is potentially the last day I'll see her as our class will be over. But what am I supposed to do? How would I ask her out? Do I even actually want to ask her out or am I just getting tired of being without any intimacy for over a year and a half?
Fuck

Yes

I think I'm having an existential crisis atm
>Driving
>Turning left on my green arrow
>As I enter the intersection I look to my left and see a car speeding down street right towards me
>Blows through the red light and must have missed me a hair
I can't stop thinking about how close it was. How close my life was to being over.
Is that what it would have been? A couple years here that the majority of sucked, and then I would have died? I would have left behind nothing. I haven't even been able to express my feelings to the girl I've been in love with for over a year.
I went to McDonalds after and starred in disbelief at the workers there, working their asses off to feed a bunch of other people who don't care. I couldn't stop imaging when I used to work at a grocery store and I'd work so hard I'd sweat and feel like death afterwards, what if I had gotten in a car crash and died after one of those shifts?
And I can't tell if I'm happy I didn't get hit or disappointed.

I saw my brother when I got home and he was talking to me normally being jokey and I was trying to keep up, but it felt like I was drunk and trying to hide it.
I don't know what to do, what the fuck should I read for this?

I have a doctors appointment in one week
I really hope I get some good meds that can make me not be a depressive anxious fuck anymore

Books on how to kill all your emotions?

I love Phil Hales work

I already know about Nostromo, is that any good?
But others with the feel pls