/lit/ - Literature

>Be 17
>"Maybe god exists but an afterlife has to, who knows :)"
>Read about the eventual heat death of the universe on Tv tropes of all places
>Something in my brain fucking breaks and suddenly I start snowballing a bunch of ideas
>Suddenly become 100% convinced that there is no God, no afterlife, that once you die you're gone forever
>Desperately start looking for answers, for someone to tell me that there's hope
>All I find is further confirmation that THIS IS IT
>Go into a full panic attack
>Tell my friends at school
>They all get fucking scared shitless like me
>Day and night can't stop thinking about death
>Can't even cry anymore because all I feel is a crushing empty feeling that consumes all my other feelings
>As time goes on it gets worse
>Can't stop thinking about how horrendous my ending and the ending of my loved ones will be
>Can't stop thinking about how unfair and cruel the world is
>The moment my mind tries to conceive how it will be, my final moments as I fade into nothingness I start feeling uneasy. If I push it I go into a panic attack and I get depressed for weeks
It's been 8 years and it just doesn't go away.
I don't want to be afraid anymore. I just want to sleep nicely like before.