/lit/ - Literature

reposting since the other thread seems dead. from a story i began today.

op, nothing in your excerpt gets at what you're intending besides the fact that the plot is moving forward. the dialogue could be brushed up, as it sounds very inauthentic to me. you're going more in the right direction, but don't be afraid to expand the environment more even if it is just one big non-space.

a story i began today.

>>13812525
have you read kafka's "a report for an academy" ? it's what sprung to mind first reading this. i would go a bit more informal. the last paragraph, beginning "With formalities aside" seems to really veer off in a different direction language-wise that doesn't flow with what you've led with despite it perhaps veering to be more pretentious even though i do like the language.