/lit/ - Literature

I've been feeling depressed lately, and I feel like it's been getting worse. There are times when I oscillate between sheer panic at my inactivity and I can feel my head having this sort of buzzing feeling like I need to be doing something else but I can't quite figure it out and then also this sort of malaise I sink into where I don't want to do anything. I slept for four hours today in the middle of the day for no real reason. I feel awful for having wasted my Saturday but I didn't know what else to do.

I've been eating too much. I look at some of the people I go to the gym with and I think of how much better they look than me and how I need to change things because of how bad I look.

Things with girls aren't going that well. The girl I'm most in love with doesn't have the time of day for me, and I know I'm supposed to move on and forget it because that's the way it's supposed to work but I don't know how I'm supposed to when I felt such a magnetic attraction from the first time I saw her. The second said she preferred to be alone for now, which is fine, if disappointing. The third is a mystery I can't figure out.

My creative endeavors feel limited lately. Though I've been making steady progress on my book and I'm happy with that and I've been writing short stories and submitting them and I'm also happy with that, I feel like the writing is still a solitary act. At least until I can get somebody to read it and maybe talk about it with me and tell me if something about it connected with them, it does nothing to help me connect with others. I'd really love to learn how to play the drums but it feels like the noise prohibits where and when I could ever actually practice. Still, I need to. I've given up on too many things to give up on this without at least trying it. The idea of giving up on something like that because of simple logistics is so frustrating to me that I can't stand to let it go by.