/lit/ - Literature

>>14160092
I appreciate your commitment so I'll give some corrections and critiques.
>The hairs on the back of their head stand up as Elijah feels goosebumps on his arms.
It would be necks and break the sentence up. You use "as" far too much in general and could simply replace it with punctuation.
"The hairs on the back of their necks stand up. Elijah feels goosebumps on his arms."

You should also use colons and semi-colons where appropriate: "the bunny man would survive off of eating rabbits; hanging their carcasses around the trees of this very forest."
Overall your prose needs work
'“Yeah right. Sounds like a load of bull to me” Mathew says nervously, looking over his shoulder.'

For short stories in particular you ought to be ready to use a few authorial methods. Like why not describe how the wind was cold through a metaphor? Or describe Elijah's goosebumps with a simile? It's rude to ask but is English not your first language? There are a lot of grammatical errors and poor punctuation. If not that's fine, it's easy to learn.(If it is then studying it should take priority)

But as I said, keep at it, writing is its own reward. Just speak with your professor and ask them to explain these things in better depth. Please don't be discourage. Sorry if what i've said isn't very helpful.

>>13819280
Gee anon when you put it that way I guess I was wrong all along. I'm sorry, I'll never post in these threads again.