/lit/ - Literature

>>8292023
>MC has deadpan humor

>>7924702
Until next time

hey OP i feel like i'm not getting at the point of poetry with what i write. like i've got the ideas but the execution doesn't match the thought. if you wouldn't mind could you tell me what you see this poem saying? i just want to know if i'm putting enough value into the words. thanks again. titles in subject field.

Unveiling our soleffused
roof, who expects a find
assailing as that lack,
flooding out our minds,
flashing as a child’s
caught inside the sack.

Unbowed, shimmers slats sheets
diminished to a black
finish, door frame
moored, blinding
blemish. None

notice nightly blend,
creased fogs bridging
anchored bedpost ends.

Instead, head affright,
little mariner tips aft
captained light above
and wonders, even
until shadowed terror,
always once
discovered, sloshes
rightly under, why
sunken skylines
look whully painted on,
varnish chipped in heaps,
dotted pricks a shining peak
to canvas laid beneath.

Done
do I turn back to marked lines crossed with
Ache

from ankles that grind
against what pivot turns

provide; with thighs
that bear no more tense shifts and

sharp stabs; calves
clumped on marrow cease sure a drive.

Yet
in this pen, I realize my time lies
Nine a
head.

Thus winds
the track again.

Posted this before and revised some things. Poem's title is 1/10th.

you've got potential since you recognize the importance of structure

a lot of faggots on /lit/ don't realize that structure is probably the most valuable aspect of a poem, even more than its words

rhyming is one type of structural format

when i write my poetry i like to rhyme too, but it's really the structure that helps dictate what you put down

i think you need to expand on some of the things you're writing about. it looks like you'll use a poem and a give a description about something in a picture, but go beyond that. consider this thing in an environment, what it does to someone, and convey that with your description and the structure of your verse. in layman's terms, don't just say "what" it is, but "how" it is.

you may appreciate good freeform more when you recognize the structure, but i agree, a lot of freeform is awful garbage that panders to a new candy-sweet sentimentalism that's an insidious product of a lack of ideas.

think that made some sense, 3 AM don't do right to a sleepless mind.

>helpfuv this

we can only hope captcha