/lit/ - Literature

>>18773643
>call someone retarded
>their ego is impacted
>over time they are conditioned to say "I am retarded"
>their work ethic is impacted negatively
>they are not crippled but they can be considered to have been "retarded" by my efforts
>my words changed reality
WALLA! Words are real and have magical power. Wizards were ancient psychologists capable of using words to morph reality.

>>18711710
if we must go anime it's this, but we all know who the real mascot is
>>18711896
>casual Asians

>>16483743
I went to the Yale University bookstore and bought and read a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." I suffered a great deal in the process. The writing was dreadful; the book was terrible. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing.

But when I wrote that in a newspaper, I was denounced. I was told that children would now read only J.K. Rowling, and I was asked whether that wasn't, after all, better than reading nothing at all? If Rowling was what it took to make them pick up a book, wasn't that a good thing?

It is not. "Harry Potter" will not lead our children on to Kipling's "Just So Stories" or his "Jungle Book." It will not lead them to Thurber's "Thirteen Clocks" or Kenneth Grahame's "Wind in the Willows" or Lewis Carroll's "Alice."

Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>>13188570
Don't subvocalize poetry, simply VOCALIZE. My dear.

>>12863464
pre-human

>>12110879
fucking pleb there's like seven read my books

>>9550584
>what's a strong misreading

>>9523377
It's the other way round. England became an empire because of Shakespeare.

>>9009954
>hey, atleast they read
my dear...

>>9002998
>there's no good or bad
You know, I don’t want to be offensive. But you should kill yourself.

bardolatry

>>8933143
>I probably put in a couple of things that I now would like to kick out.

TONY KUSHNER'S ANGELS IN AMERICA
>TONY KUSHNER'S ANGELS IN AMERICA
TONY KUSHNER'S ANGELS IN AMERICA
>TONY KUSHNER'S ANGELS IN AMERICA
TONY KUSHNER'S ANGELS IN AMERICA

500, give or take

Madeline rated it 2 out of 5

Tags: Shakespeare, assigned-reading

Romeo and Juliet, abridged.

ROMEO: I’m Romeo, and I used to be emo and annoying but now I’m so totally in luuuuurve and it’s AWESOME.

MERCUTIO: Okay, three things: One, there’s only room in this play for one awesome character and it’s me, bitch. Two, you’re still emo and annoying. Three, didn’t you say that exact same stuff yesterday about Rosaline?

ROMEO: Who?

*meanwhile, Juliet prances around her room and draws hearts on things and scribbles “Mrs. Juliet Montague” in her diary over and over. Because she is THIRTEEN. How old is Romeo supposed to be? Let’s not talk about that, k?*

CAPULET: Good news, Juliet! I found you a husband!

PARIS: Hello, I’m a complete tool.

JULIET: Daddy, I don’t want to marry that apparently decent and unflawed guy! I’m in love with Romeo Montague – we met yesterday and it was HOT.

CAPULET: I WILL BE DAMNED IF I SEE MY ONLY DAUGHTER MARRIED TO THE ONLY SON OF THE MAN WHO IS MY MORTAL ENEMY FOR REASONS TOO UNIMPORTANT TO SPECIFY IN THIS PLAY!

JULIET: *stamps foot, runs off to her room to watch High School Musical again and sulk*

TYBALT: Hey Romeo, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

MONTAGUE POSSE: Oh, snap.

MERCUTIO: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

TYBALT: MAKE ME!

ROMEO: No! You can’t fight him, Mercutio because I already married his cousin!

TYBALT: I KEEL YOU!

*Romeo attempts to stop the fight and fails miserably*

MERCUTIO: FUCK YOU ALL! *dies*

ROMEO: Okay, forget what I said about not fighting. I KEEL YOU!

TYBALT: *dies*

PRINCE: I’ve had enough of your shit, Emo McStabbypants. You’re banished.

ROMEO: Waaaaaahhhhhh! I’m banished and Juliet is going to marry another guy and it’s not fair WHY DOES GOD HATE ME?

FRIAR LAURENCE: Jesus Christ, not this again. Okay, if you promise to grow a pair, I’ll help you and your wife out. Here’s the plan: she takes a potion that’ll make her go into a coma, and then she’ll get put in the family tomb and then you’ll sneak back into town, break into the tomb, wait until she wakes up, and then the two of you escape and live happily ever after! It’s perfect!

AUDIENCE: …the hell?

*Shockingly, the plan fails. Romeo goes back to the tomb (pausing to kill Paris just for good measure), but he thinks Juliet’s dead and drinks poison and dies, and then like two seconds later she wakes up and sees that Romeo isn’t mostly dead like she was, he’s dead, so she stabs herself.*

MONTAGUE: Wow, we are awful parents.

CAPULET: I have an idea – let’s make solid gold statues of our dead children to commemorate their love and serve as a constant reminder of the fact that our only children killed themselves because we were such uncaring parents.

*they actually do this.*

SHAKESPEARE: Beat that, Stephenie Meyer.

THE END.

Read for: 9th grade English

>So what do you make of that /lit/?

>Now that we've found The Pickwick Papers, we ought to get together with Oliver Twist and Nicholas Nickelby (they'll probably be hanging out by the Old Curiosity shop, with Barnaby Rudge), to let Martin Chuzzlewit know what happened to Dombey and his Son, David Copperfield, who indeed lives in a Bleak House and has fallen on Hard Times, especially since Little Dorrit told him the Tale of Two Cities. All things considered I have Great Expectations of Our Mutual Friend; he is certainly the man to solve the Mystery of Edwin Drood
I... I don't know what to say Charles

>>8646618
>>8645918
reminder that only degenerates prefer the second part

>>8619221
>newfags will defend him
>newfags

we have no standards left

>>8600075
>Monster is literally ENTIRELY about the nature of man and choice
elaborate

>>8422354
No discernible talent

that'll be $1079 :)

What dose Harold Bloom think of John Green?

sigh

>>5877394
Because it's simply the Schools of Resentment trying to push their political ideology.
A feminist critique of Shakespeare will teach you only feminism and nothing at all about Shakespeare.