/lit/ - Literature

>>15060347
great opening line, falters after that.
>>15061444
contrary to what everyone else is saying, I don't think your prose is purple, if anything it's incomplete and bounces around the city without any coherent logic. it is, however, faltering: it lacks tempo, flow. it's jarring, and the final line about the nomad is just kinda typical for a lot of crit threads on here.
>>15061455
one of my favourites of the thread, I would ditch the last sentence though.
>>15061715
i'm sorry anon but this feels like something i'd read in a story generator
>>15061951
pretentious, overly philosophical. you really ought to ground your writing
.>>15062471
amazing imagery, well done

attached is the first few pages of a shrt story i wrotw about a hooker. rough draft

>>15008723
Third paragraph is pretty strong and evocative, but the first two are rife with too much exposition imo, which is sorta superfluous with all the negations contained within.

pic related is the first two paragraph of a novella I'm chipping away at. Still a bit of trimming and tidying and the first paragraph - the dream - is a work in progress