/lit/ - Literature

>>8831550

It's too late for you nigga

>>7468950

There was no rhythm rhyme or reason to my descent. The shallow construct which I called time was no longer watching over me.

Could I have more to lose? Longing for the sinking pain of fear in ones chest would strike me as a blessing now. Without even the feeling I was left nothing but to scream and implode into my own horrors. I could only imagine the tears and snot seeping out of my nostrils as I panicked. Despite the limitless vision and horror there was no air to carry sound, nor had I lungs to carry it.

Journeying through my human emotions was an endless cycle of death and rebirth without reprise or rest. The jumbled mess of my thoughts tore itself asunder like the genocide of all that ever could be. The pain I felt was omnidirectional. I truly understand evil, I have become it. Within my everlasting darkness I shall forever die. All thoughts sinking further into depravities one could not describe in a fruitless effort to shock! To feel!

I hungered for the chance to tear into my own flesh! Digging my own figers in my own grey matter just to rip asunder all that I could have ever known just to experience it once more!

It was simple. Without question or doubt I was in hell. To suffer in the limitless memory of what once was in all. Trapped in the sinking space as I was now. Or is it am?

>>6531342

I am going to criticize some of the first poems on this thread. After that I will post some stuff that i myself wrote. Here are the reviews.

1/2

>>6531349

I would liked to have written this. This reminds me of some of the mad-songs and nonsense poems of Shakespeare's fools. I have one such character on the play that I am writing right now, and your poem would be useful to me. Nice work.

>>6531371

This still seems to be a drat, some jotting down of ideas. I think that the material is not bad, but you need to be more ambitious; you need to study more the structure and architecture of poetry and don't be lazy. One of the greatest sins and comoon mistakes of modern generations of poets is to think that laziness is their style (maybe this is some heritage of the beat generation and T.S. Eliot/Pound school of poetry). Work harder and you will be rewarded.

>>6531427

0/10

>>6531480

If you decided to write a children's poetry book and prepared yourself very well with readings from master lullaby-poems from the past, I confess you probably would produce something I would really like to have written myself.

>>6532496

You seem to have talent for pop-song writing, and ass you mature you might be a good short-story writer, a chronicler of our modern society and the lives of people in the cities and suburbs. Don't think, however, that poetry is for you. But if you love poetry and to be a poet is your dream, that study hard and practice every day and prove me wrong: I would be happy and proud if you end up showing me that I was wrong.

>>6533374

Are you trolling? If the answer is no and you were being serious, my advice is that you find some good poetry guides and dive on the technichs of the craft with all your strength. You have a lot to learn. And please, don't let hipsters and beat poetry fool you: nobody reads them except themselves and their friends.

>>6533466

You might end up creating good poetry. You remind me of Robert Frost. But you still need to learn a lot. I would suggest you study more the nature of imagery and metaphor.

>>6535039

Study more. Read and dissect the works of Keats, Rimbaud, Dickinson, the songs of Shakespeare, Blake, Lewis Carroll. You seem to have a little spark: feed it.

>>6535217

Promises of talent, but lack of technique. Some magnificent lines: "The Sun Sits in the Mirror"; "collapses into/Liquid representation"; "As it perpetuates eternal self-burial.".

>>6536299

I would love to see what you could do if you choose to use more imagery.

>>6538376

I don't know if poetry is for you, my friend. But I would love to see the theme of your poem developed in a short-story. Read Tolstoy and Chekhov and give it a try.

>neither x or y
>or