/lit/ - Literature

>>19373950
Starting stories with only quotes has a disorienting effect. It can be done well though, like the intro to Ender's Game. It's a bit abstract talking about gray and pink.
I respect you not editing the next two scenes yet, leave that for later after you finish the story.

I didn't enjoy Icarus waxing philosophic about the tree bark. A simple "put it back" would have sufficed. Let metaphors stew a while if you're going to explain what it means. You could just as well explain it with a parallel event or even leave it hidden and continue to explore the theme.
The candle dynamic felt tense. There's clearly something at stake that Sam doesn't quite get yet, but he's so kindhearted and naive that he'd offer it without understanding its value. That Sam offers the candle to Arebald speaks a lot to Sam's motivation and character, so now I'm interested in how he became this way.
Miss Cataway has a distinct motherly voice, that is good. I feel most of your characters so far have a different feel, even Trash Kid has a lazy, self-absorbed way of talking. The scenes in Bearing are imaginative and have so many different things in them. The giant eye squinting at Sam before slamming the door made me lul. Chapter 2's snake scene shocked me as it's the first actual violence. Make sure you analyze the pacing in your action scenes like that so they have impact; think of it like an argument.
>hand was freed almost instantly
It's nitpicky, but "suddenly" and "instantly" have the ironic effect of making something seem to happen less instantly.

So the idea of the candle burning out had me worried for a while. I think the snake revealed the consequence of it burning out at the right time. I'd explore this fear of it extinguishing a bit, Sam would worry about this right? I'm surprised that idea was suddenly replaced the next scene with "it's not that bad you just lose your soul." It seems almost as bad on the face of it, but looking at Icarus maybe not so much until Sam understands what you stand to lose becoming a soulless beast. I'd slowly explore those aspects of the beasts, but I do like Gardener mentioning that losing the flame could happen sooner than Sam might hope. Good candle symbolism calling back to guitar man too.

Good job anon you've written quite a bit this month already. I've mostly been editing this month but I added a pretty passionate scene today that I'm proud of it.