/lit/ - Literature

>>10139319

I worked a bit on the rhythm. Is rhythm directly tied to syllables, or is something else at play? This is my second attempt at poetry.
Better or worse than the first draft above?

We are but three
She and I, and the moon
Does Night grow warm so soon?
No, it is She

Will we belong to each other?
I bid thee, errant star showers:
Bind this waxing love that is ours
To thy shadowed home forever

Etch this fleeting kiss in thy space
So others may gaze up and know
Where, with this tenderness, we go
An immutable, perfect place

We are but two
She and I, and the moon
Round me her hair is strewn
Sweetened with dew