/lit/ - Literature

Backstory. I'm 20 years old and in college. At birth I was baptized Catholic, as I come from a predominantly Italian and Croatian Catholic family, but I was never religious. I only go to church on Christmas mass, and I never really went to church with my family other than that.

Recently, my mother mailed me a leather pouch labeled 'Medugorje'. (A town in Herzegovina where Mary was allegedly appeared in 1981) I opened it and it had a wooden rosary in it with the same lettering on the cross. She says it was a gift from my grandmother to me when she went on a pilgrimage in 1981 through Croatia and Bosnia, who had died when I was 12. I loved her very much.

The thing about my grandmother was that she was a VERY devout Catholic. She had Christian symbols and crosses all around her house, and wore many necklaces with the cross wherever she went. Upon death she received 4 or 5 blessings, and I always loved going to her house in the country side.

I thought it was a very nice gift, and put it on my desk. Every night when I've been coming back to my dorm, It piques my interest. I stare at it and hold it, sometimes even putting it on. It has an alluring affect on me.

During class and free time, even stranger still, I find myself thinking about God and Jesus Christ constantly. Thinking about them as individuals. Every night when I come home now, and hold the rosary in my hand, I think of Croatia, God, and my grandmother, and sometimes chills run down my spine.

The thought of becoming religious has always intrigued me, but I always saw myself as becoming a Buddhist or something similar, never Catholic. Plus, I masturbate often and have had premarital sex in my life, which makes me think twice about committing.

This is pretty much the only place I've ever seen people really talk about religion without getting too freaky so I just wanted your thoughts.