/lit/ - Literature

Has anybody here managed to deal with the self-imposed pressure to feel productive? I feel like I can never relax, I feel guilty watching even TV because I feel like I should be 'doing' something. I do read quite a bit, and I write (though less than I'd like) but I still feel like every moment I'm not doing something I should be doing something productive. I feel this great big panic like I'm wasting my time, yet at the same time, paralyzed with indecision, creating a disgusting internal dissonance like a non-stop clattering in my head. I know I'm not unique in this, what is there to do?

I'm not sure if I need to pour my time into more productive measures or if I need to just learn to relax?

Feeling that vague all pervasive sadness that comes every once and a while. That type whose only cure is to lie in bed and do nothing. That heaviness, sleepiness. It feels bad; but I tell myself it is still good to feel. I think I am reaching an age where the pull of nostalgia are starting to weigh more and more heavily on my psyche. In years prior I didn't have the catalogue of memories yet required to feel nostalgia fully, but nowadays I can spend hours in bed reminiscing on past places, people, loves. I want desperately to return to the past. I want desperately to be anywhere other than the present.