/lit/ - Literature

>>15693169
You have some really good similes. "His voice fell on all ears like soft butter" and "like a discolored placenta"
I might try going through and sniping out any words you can get rid of and leave implied. For example "after the birth of dawn, which was fresh and rosy fingered" -> "after the birth of dawn, fresh and rosy fingered"

>>15692364
The joint description cracked me up but in a good way. Overall this is pretty good and feels real, dark but not grimdark.
You have a technique where you do [given description]->[meta-explanation] inside of a sentence. For example "...ragged and bandaged fingers -> because she had a habit of chewing..." and "...blue and brown scribbles -> because those were the only two colors..." I don't hate it as a device but I think using it too often close together starts to feel like telling me things I could figure out.
Also, similar thing with word-sniping that I mentioned to previous anon, and also in your case I would do it with commas too.