/lit/ - Literature

>>20969962
Last night I had a really nice dream of a girlfriend I had in 2018. I was completely over her of course, but it was the kind of thing where it was so vivid, waking up was like breaking up all over again.
It was nice, not anything sexual. I felt the tenderness of affection again, she was the last girl I had feelings for. She's also really attractive, I made the mistake of checking out her instagram again to really remind myself of how lonely I am.

My mental state has been much stabler since I gave up on ever getting a gf and embraced waifuism. It suits my shut-in lifestyle anyway.
Well, I guess it would be wrong to say I've totally written off having a 3d gf, more that I've accepted that the odds of it happening are very slim. I have severe scoliosis, even if you don't go full incel reasoning I think it's safe to say the vast majority of women don't want a partner that looks monstrous when their shirt is off (I once had a girl walk out once she saw me ;_;). But maybe someday I'll find a qt that will look past it.

How does one combat loneliness in the age of techcapital?

>tfw the parasocial interaction I get from watching twitch streams isn't enough anymore
>tfw can't spend much time with real friends because they're not neets and have jobs and significant others and actual things to spend their time on
>tfw try to fill the void with """intellectual pursuits""" but it doesn't work
>tfw basically waiting for death
>tfw typing this on christmas eve

I thought I would get over my oneitis by recognizing that I had just projected a fantasy onto someone and that my infatuation blinded me to that, but instead I just miss the illusion and hurt whenever I think about how the good times I had with her were all just a lie. I'm hounded by the memory of someone who never even existed. How can I save myself if I'm already that far gone?

While the sadness no longer overwhelms me I still think about her every day and consider the happy, naive months I had with her the best of my life. I don't know if I even can forget her, she and especially our time together were such an integral part of the formation of my self. She'll be with me always, for better or worse.

I wish I was back at home with my parents and living in a town where I knew loads of people and had loads of friends and felt like I belonged and felt that I had a future

Well, I thought things were going alright with this girl but she's ghosted me. Fuck. Even just having a casual love interest made my days a lot better, I'm back to sitting at the window at midnight looking out at the city. Not good. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm reasonably attractive, usually manage to keep my spaghetti contained, have had girls show interest in me before, etc. It may be callous to say but I almost wish I was legitimately autistic or ugly, at least then I could blame something for not being able to build relationships. At least I'd have a reason for being like this.

>>11947760
It fucked me up, especially since I went to a meme high school were I knew numerous intelligent, /lit/erary people. What's even worse is that those same people have slipped into normiedom following a year or two at college, so I don't even have them as real friends anymore. I haven't really had a single good friend in three years. I haven't even had a proper crush on anyone, and believe me I would take the oneitis pain over the solitude in an instant. Everyone else has moved on in their life and I'm still here, posting on /lit/ and gushing over the autumn and crying over how lonely I am. I want to go back to my little naive bubble desu. That or stop being autistic but I don't think that's gonna happen.

I got nothing and no one, except for writing, and I'm terrible at it.

>drink
>get sentimental
>drunkly text people (mostly girls I was / am crushing on)
>cry
>go to sleep
>wake up to feelings of shame
please kill me I will literally never stop being a pathetic piece of shit. also
>tfw out of melodramatic music to listen to
guess I'll go to bed desu

Exactly two years ago I met a girl who I thought was going to be the love of my life. I just deleted her number.

>>11151819
Happening to me as I type this. Next week I'm going to see them for the first time this year, and after that the earliest I'll see them again is next year. I'm still in denial about it. We still talk about all these things we want to do together that I know are never going to happen. We still pretend that it's two years ago and we still see each other every day and still know everything that's going on in each other's lives. Despite moving to a much more populated area I still haven't made any friends nearly as good as those from my tiny hometown. I miss them more than anything.

Life is just a big fucking meme isn't it?

>>11045497
Kafka predicted bugmen in the 19th century, the TRUE prophet

I've basically been sitting on my ass for the past couple months at Uni, just coasting through all my classes. I work a day a week or so, sometimes two. I haven't even got any significant writing done, though I have a bunch of ideas and sketches I'm excited to work on. I just find it hard to write here, especially when it's so grey and dreary outside. I leave for summer vacation in a couple weeks and will be glad to be somewhere sunny for once.

Other than that I've been very wistful this past week. I don't understand the feeling at all, as I've come to realize that I'm nostalgic for times I was deeply unhappy. The other night I was listening to Three Imaginary Boys and caught myself reminiscing about a time last October when I sat up on a similarly rainy night listening to it. I hadn't eaten or slept for days, my GF had left, and I felt completely broken. I had tied some sheets around a pipe on my ceiling, trying to form a noose. It was probably the lowest I've ever been in my life. And I missed it. Why?