/lit/ - Literature

I've come to realize that absolutely everything in the world is empty and unfulfilling. The job I was so passionate about a few years ago, the hobbies I used to spend so much time enjoying, the various books and movies I savored and found amusement in, the topics I energetically debated and discussed with others online or face to face, all of it. Even my food and drink is tasteless and unappealing.
I think I could find fulfillment in relationships with others, but I can't seem to connect with other people right. There's something I don't understand about interacting with people and even though I can fake most of it after observing others the critical things escape me. People have told me that I barely seem to have any emotions at all and that they find me very difficult to get to know, and that after knowing me for years they still feel like they don't really know me. I also tend to push people away when they try getting close or ask personal questions because it makes me deeply uncomfortable and anxious, but I don't really know why.
Either I've come to realize this or I've just lost whatever it was that let me be satisfied and find fulfillment and enjoyment in any of it. In fact, it seems like all the things I used to care about were means to trap me in the world, promising fulfillment if I just pursued them a step more, then another step, then one further, without ever delivering it. Increasingly, I've found myself detaching from my emotions and thoughts, watching events occur from a distance, watching someone else live my life. I feel like if I push things the right way I can snap something keeping all of it together and stop feeling much of anything at all, and I also feel that doing so would be wrong somehow.
I don't really know what to do from here. I wish there was something that would fill the emptiness in my life but nothing works so far. When I see people feeling passionate about things and being satisfied by their actions I feel like they have some kind of superpower.
What do I do? Is it possible to change my whole personality and manner of interacting with the world? Is that even worth it? Is there anything that will really fulfill me? I feel totally lost.