/lit/ - Literature

Half the time I read philosophy I grow convinced that science is the key to reality, but the other half I decide it's irrelevant. Philosophy is what would tell me whether I should be studying math and physics to gain true knowledge, yet by the time I had spent enough time with philosophy to be confident in my decision it would be far too late to do anything in those fields. I mean, I already spent a few months self studying math, and I could do it, and I feel like I should do it, but I like philosophy better. Obviously I could do both to an extent, but only one in depth. idk, this is just a blogpost. it's an impossible conundrum. I don't believe in different types of intelligence or even that we naturally prefer one field of study to another so it's not like I can say that I'm naturally better at one or naturally prefer one, I know that you can grow to enjoy literally anything you do, it's all arbitrary, so my choice is only based on reason, but reason provides no clear answer.

>>19684830
I got the idea of a book in my head but like, nobody cares about books. I have no art. I couldn't teach myself to draw or to make music and I wouldn't even want to because no matter what art you learn it will always be a poor facsimile of what's in your head and why spend your life learning to write music if you will just be completely lost when you want to be express something that can't be expressed through music but only some other art form? I never drew, if I tried again to start drawing now it would just be a false venture motivated by nothing but regret and anger and not genuine love of anything. But I feel like the book I would write is pointless if it's just words as if the images are necessary... But it probably can be done without images or music, I just don't have the skill, and I can't help but think the only reason I want to write it as a book is because I was a failure at everything else so all I can do is read. I would kill to have been one of those people who started drawing as a child, because it seems so out of reach now. It all seems like I am just making excuses but I have tried to learn everything over and over again but it's always false and I can't create a true passion for something out of nothing so I will just keep thinking about the book that's in my head and that might not ever exist because my entire existence is purely mental and theoretical, I will probably never actually create anything