/lit/ - Literature

>>13789601

You need to restrain your rhyming, be more precise with it, it seems you get carried away easily. The imagery isn’t very interesting in spite of the sort of grandiose subject matter. I feel there was a lot of potential here, misguided by overdone rhymes and predictable imagery. I respect your ambition, but you need to respect it too by actually aiming higher with your language.

>>13789766

The sea shanty is meant to rely on tropes and common experiences but this still comes off as derivative of the style. It feels more like the idea of a sea shanty poem, or the outline of one, than an actually complete attempt. I think you should read more of that style and think about where you can innovate it, rather than imitate.

Mine is pic related.