/lit/ - Literature

Please, leave this board immediately and never return if...

>you're a woman
>if you read Philosophy just for the sake of reading and don't apply any of your supposed knowledge in real life
>if you haven't read Beyond Good and Evil
>if you browse /pol/
>if you spend more time discussing books than actually reading them
>if you read more fiction than non-fiction
>if you're a socialist
>if you have a bookshelf just to show off your "intellectualism"
>if you worship any intellectual or any other individual but yourself
>if you follow blindly any ideology
>if you watch porn
>if you don't exercise
>if you don't meditate
>if you don't have a deep appreciation for art
>if you know nothing about Eastern Philosophy
>if you're a monolingual
>if you put anyone's interests above your own
>if you have an ugly girlfriend

Andrew Wyeth

I have sudden and almost uncontrollable urges to kill myself. It is as if I am deeply hypnotized and could barely control my actions and my mind is empty. I don't want to leave a note or to say goodbye to anyone, when this happens I just want to kill myself by any means possible: I've already almost jumped from 11th floor, almost stabbed myself in the chest, almost jumped under a train and almost cut my throat.

I don't think this could be depression because I don't feel depressed and don't have any symptoms of depression. I asked some of my acquaintances with the experience of depression and none of them was suicidal, just felt unable to do anything (this is called psycho-motor retardation, I did my research).

I read a whole lot about depression and suicide and had my time with shrinks (waste of time and money), psychiatrist said that I should be put in an asylum, but I don't want that since it will be much harder for me to find a job when I graduate.

Is there any literature about cases like mine?Even fiction might help. What would you do if you were me, anons?

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