/lit/ - Literature

I have developed an extreme desire to reach out recently. I wanted to call a suicide hotline or do one of the online chats, but there are several problems. The primary one is that I would definitely be visited by police and immediately hospitalized for a long time if I was even remotely truthful, and another, I have a lot to sayー so much that it doesn't fit the phone or chat format.

I found an email suicide hotline thing and found it perfect, I suppose. My first draft was long an personal, I really wanted to go in deep about myself and why I want to die so bad, to desperately get someone to understand me. The problem was that it was so pathetic and (perhaps) obviously suicide-note seeming that I would be visited by police for sure.

My second draft was a lot more vague and talked about how ruined I was because of my health issues, how hopeless life was (and truly hopeless, not in the mentalcel way) but it again came off like a suicide note and only became more comical the more I added
>I won't harm myself.
>This is not a crisis.
>I'm not going to kill myself.
>etc
I deleted it to write the third, which was so vague and pointless that I lost all interest.

It hurts so bad bros... I don't even know why I have such an extreme desire to communicate with someone directly.

>>23084028
I don't want to be attractive, I want to be schizophrenic