/lit/ - Literature

tl;dr: killed a in combat during the Afghan war and coped thinking I was fighting for freedom

>2008
>finish highschool and join military because no skills / no job / no prospects
>don't believe /understand anything we're doing over there, family is mostly liberal / apolitical and just want me out of their house
>basically just in for the money
>get deployed to afghanistan
>do mostly tail roles, only saw real action twice
>first was getting our vehicle shot while driving north. Nobody got hit and we just fucked off away from there to destination
>second was in a village, we got sent in as reinforcement for a squad that was pinned down by shapshooters on a hill while searching for weapons in a town
>apparently we were nearby and hit the jackpot, finding an improv foxhole that was 2 minutes away from accurate firing range according to sargeant
>get authorized to use lethal force for the first time and instantly lose my mind
>next two fucking minutes we are sneaking so close to the foxhole, I can't even say a fucking word because I'm so scared and everyone around me is excited for some fucking reason
>we remain unnoticed and sargeant tells us to fire
>we kill three of four of them, the last one alive is the one I shot
>bullet went through his throat, find him agonizing on the ground and panic
>scrawny dude that barely looked eighteen, crying his heart out
>try to save his life because military doesn't go around executing people contrary to popular belief
>at one point dude is even holding my wrist like he's trying to help until he can't
>this goes on for painful thirty minutes until he passes out but feels like hours
>entire squad gets commended for what we did that day
>I find it really fucked up
>it isn't long until I'm out of the military and straight to depression / veteran support groups
>cope with things like 'it was us or them" or "it was for the freedom of the locals"
>USA leaves afghanistan
>see that they retake their country the nanossecond we leave and they get welcomed with open arms
>realized I killed a boy (it was not even a man) for nothing and that he was trying to protect his land
>realized I did it for money

Any books about this?

I feel like shit.

I'm not going to make it, lads. Go on without me.

I've been squandering most of my pay for the past 2 years on a mature Chinese escort who lets me fuck her raw and cum inside her every time. I can't stop seeing her, I know that its not really love, but something just keeps pulling me back to her. What /lit/ can get me out of this tumultous cycle?

>>16976982
>My protagonist is a manlet and his love interest will be a tall woman (in the 6'0+ range)

Dangerously based.

read the rational male by tomassi
thank me later

>>14732278
No, I'm just a depressed beta male in his mid-twenties who has never had neither a career nor close friends, much less have come close to a relationship. Being myself hasn't brought any success, so I've come to the conclusion that there is something of fundamentally wrong in how I have decided to take on life.

I have no idea of what a man is, that is why I am asking for help. Books are decent for information because they tend to be more intimate in relation to its characters than movies.

>>14249591
Mostly fear of death, yet I am couscious that is getting quickly replaced by fear of living. One of the terrible things that I know about myself is that I always thought I was going to be a suicide-by-thirty type of guy. I always had this 'it's okay, I'll just kill myself' whenever something has happened or when I have missed an opportunity.

I fear that it is a matter of time before this fear of living overcomes the fear of death. I just can't picture value in anyone's life. I don't know anyone who is happy. I have no outline of what life should be, nor have I felt enough that made me urge to repeat.

Call me megalomaniac, but the only thoughts that even entertain any values to me are either of incredible violence against powerful people or having been someone whose name is on an important book somewhere. Those are vain, terrible and unrealistic desires.

I found that what has worked for me was replacing these thoughts with being obsessed with getting any oneitis that I've had at the time. Yet I am very ugly and messed up in the head, so I am beginning to accept that I won't really have any lifemate or something like that.

I am very scared of having free time.

>>14242323
The ideas are what make the book horrifying. It’s different than movie horror. It’s horror that lingers with you in a way that undermines your value structure, your previously held beliefs, your conception of humanity or the world. Of what is and what could be.

And accepting that you stand no chance in life.

>>14030386
It is a cope.

The solution for Sisyphus would be to be born again. Since that is not a material possibility, all he can do is to cope. You will find in life that there are many issues that you just cannot win.

>>14017306
I picked the picture of this woman because she is one of the most disgusting, revolting aspects of modern life. She is part of the absurd. I don't have any personal thing with her, yet I absolutely detest that she sells her bath water and animalized men buy it. She is an example of how much society has degenerated into trash and still finding new, better ways to seek even deeper into the mud. No only society desinfranchises so many young men, people like Delphine and those who support her are reasons why one should not even want to be in society in the first place.

>>13050033
Ignore all these assholes who tell you to stay away from her. They are cuckolds and are yet to face the reality of this dog world: there is absolutely no reason not to persuade her back into intimacy, fuck and dump her again. This world is corrupting and acting anything differently from corrupt is a mere decoy. If she fails to learn the lesson about the darkness in the soul of the human with you, she'll learn with someone worse who will damage her for good.

Your apology letter must be convincing. Lie, lie and lie. Never say you've cheated, say "you've been seduced". Never say you miss her, say "you need her more than you've ever needed something in your life", and that this need is "physical, spiritual, and intense", governing "every aspect of your life". Never state that you've sinned, claim instead that a mistake has been made for you are just a human, and all humans commit mistakes. Tell her to remember "the positive" and promisse her emptiness.

She'll drop the ice cream and head right back into your arms. That's when you'll use her without mercy: you must get everything you want from her, exciting her senses until she can barely tell two and two anymore. Pleasure is the sugar of lies.

Then you must dump her once you're done. She's an STD-ridden slag who'll never forget to bring up your betrayals of the past. Your relationship is a poisoned well.

At least you managed to satisfy with your instincts with her holes and teach the girl a thing or two about the world.

>>12734490
/thread

it's the projected negation of the psyche of the writer, the montonous gravitas, suicidal being towards death. The negations of these thetic qualities bounce around in the unconscious, glomming the antitheses together into the pixie girl who is then cast out into the world so the writer can chase after her. In other words, what it means to be a male in any capacity.